How We Heal

How We Heal Plot Summary

Introduction

When life feels overwhelming, we often search for external solutions to our deepest wounds. We look to others for validation, seek quick fixes for our pain, and sometimes avoid confronting what truly needs healing. Yet the most profound transformation begins when we turn inward with courage and compassion. Healing isn't about reaching a perfect destination—it's an ongoing journey of reclaiming our power, facing our fears, and discovering joy even amid our struggles. The path to healing requires us to start exactly where we are, with all our imperfections and uncertainties. It invites us to examine our stories with gentle curiosity rather than harsh judgment. Through intentional practices like writing, breathwork, and mindful reflection, we can begin to release what no longer serves us and create space for growth. This journey isn't always linear or comfortable, but it offers something invaluable: the opportunity to know ourselves deeply and live with greater freedom, authenticity, and joy.

Chapter 1: Begin Where You Are: Embracing Your Starting Point

Healing begins with acceptance—acknowledging where we are without judgment or resistance. This first step requires us to embrace our current reality, even when it feels uncomfortable or imperfect. Starting from scratch means recognizing that we don't need to have everything figured out to begin our healing journey. We simply need to show up as we are, with curiosity and openness. Alexandra Elle shares a powerful story about this principle through her experience baking a peach cobbler with her friend Erika. During a weekend getaway, Alex was excited to share her homemade dessert. When the cobbler was done, she proudly sent a photo to her mother, who responded with "Your cooking is improving..." This seemingly innocuous comment triggered deep pain for Alex, bringing tears to her eyes. Her friend Erika embraced her, saying, "We all have triggers that we're still working through." This moment revealed how Alex was still healing from childhood wounds connected to her relationship with her mother. Despite years of personal growth work, certain interactions could still send her spiraling backward. She found herself frustrated at feeling like "the only mindful one" in her family and "the matriarch of healing" for her lineage. The pain felt raw, even though she had thought these wounds were already healed. Through this experience, Alex learned that healing often requires us to start over repeatedly. She realized she could either make peace with her circumstances or continue putting herself in situations where she expected different results but never received them. This wasn't about making her mother good or bad—it was about recognizing that some things might not change, and that they were simply different people. The process of starting from scratch became a familiar territory for Alex, much like baking itself—restorative rather than draining. She discovered that nurturing ourselves and our relationships takes dedication, clear communication, and an open heart. When we release control and address our needs directly, clarity becomes more accessible, even when we feel disappointed or sad. Healing, grief, and pain come in waves. Having to begin again doesn't make you weak or undeserving—it makes you human and attuned to your feelings. Allow life's adversities to show how much you're learning. Let small moments of joy, like sprinkling brown sugar over a cobbler, remind you how far you've come in your healing work.

Chapter 2: Face Your Fears: The Path to Growth

Facing our fears is essential for genuine healing. When we avoid what scares us, we remain trapped in patterns that limit our growth. Befriending fear—rather than running from it—allows us to transform our relationship with pain and discover deeper truths about ourselves. This courageous approach creates space for profound healing to occur. Alex shares a deeply personal childhood experience that planted seeds of fear she would carry for decades. When she was ten years old, her biological father took her for a drive on Interstate 495. He began speeding and steering with only his knees, ignoring her terrified pleas to stop. "Daddy, please—I'm scared," she begged, tucking her head between her legs in fear. He eventually slowed down but dismissed her concerns with, "I wasn't gonna crash us! I know how to drive. What, you don't trust me?" More than twenty years later, this traumatic event still affected Alex profoundly. She rarely allowed anyone besides her husband to drive her places, and even then, her heart would pound throughout the journey. The memory continued to cause physical reactions—stomach pain and tears. As a child, she had been instructed not to tell her mother about the incident, becoming "the gatekeeper of my dad's secrets and lies." For years, Alex kept this experience hidden, not even sharing it with her husband. Ryan would notice her anxiety in the car but didn't understand its source. It wasn't until Alex wrote about this trauma that she began processing the deep pain she carried. When she finally shared this secret with her husband, he responded with compassion and reassurance, creating a sense of safety she hadn't experienced that night on the highway. The relationship with her father remained complicated, and at seventeen, Alex ceased all communication with him to protect herself from his dangerous behavior. This act of separation was her first experience of choosing herself—putting aside her fear of rejection and shame to prioritize her wellbeing. Through writing, she processed the parental trauma she had carried, learning to separate her pain from theirs and finding joy in healing. Alex discovered that identifying our fears on the page is a powerful practice for healing. Writing allows us to examine what scares us most, without rushing or judging ourselves. When we bring attention to our fears repeatedly, they begin to lose their power over us. The practice involves acknowledging what hurts, where it hurts, and how we want to feel instead. This gentle inquiry creates space for transformation. Remember that befriending your fear is a process that takes time and patience. You don't have to figure everything out at once. The more you practice sitting with discomfort rather than avoiding it, the more you'll develop emotional muscles of compassion, commitment, and courage.

Chapter 3: Reclaim Your Voice: Writing Your True Narrative

Reclaiming your voice means taking ownership of your story and connecting with your authentic self. When we've experienced trauma or difficult circumstances, we often lose touch with our true voice and adopt narratives that don't actually belong to us. Writing gives us a powerful tool to rediscover ourselves and create new possibilities for how we show up in the world. For years, Alex was stuck in an old narrative, avoiding her pain and shame until it began affecting her physical health. Her anxiety skyrocketed, depression clung to her daily, and she felt lost. Therapy no longer seemed effective as she found herself replaying trauma without gaining new tools. In desperation, she turned to her journal, asking: "What's hurting you? Where do you feel the most pain? How do you want to feel?" The floodgates opened as she listed everything that ached to be addressed. This journaling practice became her pathway to reclaiming her power. She realized she had been silencing her voice for others' comfort, making excuses for not taking her healing seriously, and expecting others to have answers she needed to find within herself. Alex was tired of living a painful story and suffocating while trying to be everything to everyone and nothing to herself. She recognized that self-abandonment wasn't an act of love but a sign of weak boundaries leading to burnout. While therapy, meditation, and prayer were valuable, they weren't enough alone. Alex lacked mindfulness and intention because she believed she didn't matter and her pain was too potent to heal. She thought time would naturally change things, but discovered that healing required full dedication and commitment. Time alone doesn't heal—practicing what we learn in therapy, meditation, and other practices does. Alex's writing revealed where she needed to take action to reclaim her power. She had to commit to making herself a priority and stop abandoning herself as an act of love toward others. Although facing her pain felt overwhelming—sometimes leading her to "zip the baggage right back up"—she learned that healing begins when we choose to face what frightens us most. Reclaiming our power means holding our fears, pain, hopes, and dreams all at once. We must learn to embrace turning toward things we've pushed away. Those difficult experiences are part of our story, but they don't define us completely. We're taught to suppress our feelings and emotions, but releasing that unhealthy pattern allows us to dismantle the idea that we must be perfect. Life is messy, and healing doesn't require perfectionism. Instead, it invites us to examine our pain bit by bit, making space for joy and self-love to emerge. Remember that you deserve to take up intentional space in this world. Showing up fully in your healing will set you free and begin the new chapter you're seeking.

Chapter 4: Find What Feels Good: Rediscovering Joy

Finding what feels good is a crucial aspect of the healing journey. While confronting pain is necessary, we must also create space for pleasure, ease, and joy. This balance allows us to heal more completely and develop a richer relationship with ourselves and our lives. When we go where it feels good, we discover powerful resources for our ongoing transformation. A few years ago, Alex began walking every single day—a practice that transformed her relationship with her body, mind, and healing. At a time when everything felt demanding and heavy, walking offered unexpected relief. She explains, "On my walks, I've cried, I've laughed to myself, and I've found peace. Emotionally, things have come up during each step that I don't think I could've processed sitting still." This daily ritual became her way of reconnecting with herself. Walking cleared Alex's mind and opened new avenues back to herself. The silence felt liberating, nature fascinated her, and different weather conditions evoked various emotions. Even on her worst days, she maintained this practice. The consistency helped redirect her energy and cultivated gratitude. It also served as a metaphor for healing—each walk reminded her to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when the path seemed long. Before writing, Alex would walk, noticing small details in nature, looking upward more often, and paying attention to her feelings and movements in the moment. This attentiveness enriched her writing practice, bringing new insights and grace for every experience. She discovered healing in simple activities, not just in formal meditation or prayer. The author Libby DeLana's words often came to mind: "Go gently, slow down, look up, and humbly learn." This practice invited Alex's whole self to be present—tending to feelings, thoughts, and emotions with softness and consideration. It reminded her that she was safe with herself and could trust her path. Walking became her way of processing thoughts when writing felt too difficult, allowing her mind to "go where it feels good." This approach removed pressure to solve problems immediately and created space for gentle reflection. Healing requires balance between deep introspection and moments of joy. We don't always need to be in profound processing mode. Consider what activities bring you peace and connection—perhaps walking, painting, cooking, gardening, or another practice. Create space for yourself that isn't dominated by your to-do list but allows you to simply be. Remember that healing isn't about bypassing difficult emotions or rushing to feel better. It's about finding what feels good and safe along the journey. If writing feels challenging, turn to activities that offer belonging, refuge, and comfort. Make your healing practice your own, trusting that joy can find you even in the midst of working through pain.

Chapter 5: Create Your Healing Toolkit: Daily Practices

Creating a personalized healing toolkit gives you reliable resources for your ongoing journey. These daily practices—from gratitude rituals to breathwork to emotional rest—provide structure and support as you navigate both challenges and triumphs. With intentional tools at your disposal, you can respond to life's complexities with greater resilience and self-compassion. At the end of 2020, Alex experienced an anxiety attack that led to insomnia, hair pulling, and inner chaos. Despite feeling completely lost, she began with small steps: starting a daily gratitude list and consulting her doctor about medication options. She could no longer quiet her pain with the hope of "I'll be fine tomorrow" when months had passed without improvement. Something had to change. Initially, Alex felt annoyed at having to start over. Her inner critic scolded: "If you had just taken care of yourself from the beginning, you wouldn't be here." Quieting this negative self-talk required patience. Some days, she wanted to stay in bed and disappear. Getting up was a struggle, and being present felt nearly impossible. However, practicing gratitude gradually changed her perspective, helping her appreciate small victories like having energy to get out of bed or eat a nourishing meal. During this time, Alex discovered Kristi Nelson's book "Wake Up Grateful," which transformed her understanding of gratitude. Nelson writes: "Gratitude is great, but gratefulness is greater.... Gratefulness is a way of being that helps us focus our attention and navigate our lives with gratitude as our compass." This insight helped Alex realize she could be present even while experiencing pain, embracing the duality of life's experiences. Alex learned that much of healing happens "in the middle"—not just during major breakthroughs or complete unraveling. Her gratitude practice became a lifeline rather than a superficial exercise. It encouraged her to look directly at her inner turmoil instead of avoiding it. She started writing entries like "I'm grateful for not abandoning myself today" or "I am grateful for honoring my boundaries," which helped her examine patterns that had led to her dark place. Gratitude became central to Alex's self-care, holding her accountable and keeping her present. It invited curiosity and reminded her not to take life for granted. She recognized that even while grieving or in pain, she remained worthy and grateful. Though it might seem counterintuitive to appreciate struggles, they teach resilience. As Buddhism teaches, "to live is to suffer," but gratitude reminds us of our aliveness and helps us recognize joy when it appears. Creating your own healing toolkit might include daily practices like gratitude journaling, intentional walking, breathwork, or letter-writing to yourself. Consider inviting a friend to join you in a thirty-day gratitude practice, sharing what you're thankful for each day. Notice how your mood shifts over time and which themes recur. Remember that healing isn't about perfection—it's about consistent, gentle attention to what matters most.

Summary

Throughout this journey, we've explored the transformative power of intentional healing practices—from embracing our starting points to facing our fears, reclaiming our voices, finding what feels good, and creating personalized healing toolkits. These practices aren't meant to lead us to a final destination of being "healed," but rather to help us develop a more compassionate and authentic relationship with ourselves and our experiences. As Alexandra Elle reminds us, "Healing will come in waves, so pay attention to yourself, your body, and your feelings as you work your way through the good and the bad." Today, commit to one small practice that resonates with you—perhaps a brief morning gratitude ritual, a ten-minute intentional walk, or a simple letter to your younger self. Remember that healing doesn't require grand gestures, just consistent attention and gentle persistence. Each small step creates momentum that can gradually transform your relationship with pain and open new pathways to joy. Trust that by beginning exactly where you are, with all your imperfections and uncertainties, you're already on your way to healing through intentional practice.

About Author

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Alexandra Elle

Alexandra Elle is a writer and creative living in the Washington, DC metro area with her husband and daughter. In her pre-teen years, writing came into her life by way of therapy and the exploration of healing. Many years later, Alex's voice and words are being shared poetically in the form of self-love and self-care. Her passion for storytelling, poetry, and narrative writing are infused with life lessons, self-celebration, and building community through reading, writing, and language.

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