Live Free

Live Free Plot Summary

Introduction

The morning sun cast long shadows across Sarah's living room as she stared at her phone, heart racing. Another text from her mother about the family gathering this weekend, loaded with unspoken demands and assumptions. Sarah felt that familiar tightness in her chest – the weight of expectations she never agreed to but somehow felt obligated to fulfill. Like countless others, she was living a life dictated by invisible forces, constantly trying to meet standards she hadn't chosen for herself. This struggle with expectations is universal yet rarely addressed directly. Every day, we navigate a complex web of expectations – from our families, our workplaces, our relationships, and perhaps most powerfully, from ourselves. These expectations shape our decisions, influence our emotions, and often determine our sense of success or failure. The problem isn't having expectations; it's that most of us never learned how to recognize which ones are realistic, which ones are serving us, and most importantly, how to set healthy boundaries around them. This book offers a transformative journey toward freedom – not by eliminating expectations altogether, but by learning to set them intentionally, communicate them clearly, and release those that no longer serve our authentic selves.

Chapter 1: The Revelation: How Unmanaged Expectations Dictate Our Lives

James sat across from his therapist, tears streaming down his face. "I don't understand why I'm so miserable," he confessed. "I did everything right – prestigious college, six-figure job, beautiful house. I checked all the boxes I thought would make me happy." His therapist leaned forward, "But whose boxes were they, James?" The question hit him like a thunderbolt. For thirty-five years, he had been living according to expectations he had absorbed from his achievement-oriented parents, competitive school environment, and status-conscious social circle. Not once had he paused to ask if these expectations aligned with his own values and desires. This revelation – that unmanaged expectations lead to unhappiness – lies at the heart of our discontent. We react not to actual events in our lives, but to the gap between what we expected would happen and what actually occurred. A promotion that doesn't materialize by the timeline we anticipated, a relationship that doesn't follow the script we imagined, or a body that doesn't respond to diet and exercise the way we expected – these disappointments stem from expectations we never properly examined or communicated. The modern world exacerbates this problem. Social media presents curated highlights of others' lives, creating unrealistic benchmarks. Cultural messaging tells us we should be further along by certain ages. Family traditions dictate life choices without room for individual variation. We absorb these influences unconsciously, internalizing them as our own expectations without ever questioning their validity or origin. What makes expectations particularly dangerous is how they operate beneath our awareness. Like hidden software running in the background of our minds, they influence our emotions and decisions without our conscious permission. We might find ourselves feeling constantly frustrated, anxious, or inadequate without understanding why. The root cause often traces back to expectations we never deliberately set for ourselves. Breaking free begins with awareness. By recognizing the expectations dictating our lives – those we've chosen and those we've unwittingly absorbed – we can begin the liberating process of evaluating which ones truly align with our authentic selves. This process isn't about abandoning all expectations, but rather about reclaiming our power to choose which ones will guide our lives, relationships, and sense of fulfillment.

Chapter 2: The Software Running Your Life: Recognizing Hidden Programming

Miguel grew up watching his father work sixteen-hour days at their family restaurant. "Hard work is everything," his father would say. "Never complain, never rest until the job is done." As an adult, Miguel carried this programming into his own career as a software engineer. He routinely worked nights and weekends, ignored physical exhaustion, and felt crushing guilt whenever he took time off. Despite promotions and recognition, he couldn't enjoy his success. During a mandatory vacation, he experienced a panic attack on the beach, unable to relax without his laptop. It was then he realized how completely his father's expectations had become the operating system running his life. Like Miguel, we all have hidden programming dictating our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This software wasn't installed deliberately – it accumulated through childhood experiences, cultural messages, and significant life events. A child who was criticized for making mistakes develops perfectionist tendencies. Someone raised in financial insecurity might hold crushing expectations about saving money, even when financially stable. These expectations become so integrated into our identity that we don't recognize them as separate from ourselves. The metaphor of software is particularly apt because, like computer programs, our expectations run automatically in the background. They filter our perceptions, influence our emotions, and direct our decisions without our conscious awareness. When these expectations are unrealistic or misaligned with our true values, they create internal conflicts and unnecessary suffering. The perfectionist is never satisfied with their achievements. The people-pleaser sacrifices their own needs. The control-freak experiences anxiety when life proves unpredictable. Understanding this hidden programming requires honest self-reflection. What standards do you hold yourself to? Where did these standards originate? How much of your stress comes from trying to meet expectations you never consciously chose? This exploration can be uncomfortable, as it often reveals how many of our "personal values" were actually installed by others – parents, teachers, religious institutions, or society at large. The good news is that, unlike computer software, our mental programming can be rewritten. We can examine each expectation, assess whether it serves our wellbeing and authentic goals, and make conscious choices about which ones to keep, modify, or delete entirely. This process of reprogramming isn't a one-time event but an ongoing practice of awareness and intentional choice-making that gradually leads to greater freedom and fulfillment.

Chapter 3: Personal Expectations: Setting Yourself Free from Perfectionism

Elena stared at the half-finished painting in her studio, paralyzed by disappointment. Despite ten years of professional success as an artist, she couldn't see past the minor flaws in her work. "It's never good enough," she whispered, tears welling up. Elena's perfectionism had become a prison. Her expectations for each piece were so impossibly high that the creative process – once her greatest joy – had become a source of anxiety and self-loathing. During a breakthrough therapy session, Elena traced this pattern back to childhood ballet lessons where anything less than perfection was met with criticism. "But you're not that little girl anymore," her therapist reminded her. "You get to decide what 'good enough' means now." Personal expectations – those we hold for ourselves – are often the most demanding and unforgiving. Unlike expectations we place on others, there's no escape from the ones we impose on ourselves. They follow us everywhere, criticizing our efforts, minimizing our achievements, and constantly moving the finish line just beyond reach. For perfectionists like Elena, the standard isn't excellence but flawlessness – an impossible goal that guarantees perpetual disappointment. What makes personal expectations particularly insidious is how deeply they become intertwined with our sense of self-worth. "If I achieve this, then I'll be worthy of love," becomes the unconscious belief. But because the standard is often unrealistic, we remain trapped in a cycle of striving and self-judgment. The corporate executive who ties her value to career advancement, the parent who must raise "perfect" children, the student who equates academic performance with personal worth – all suffer unnecessarily from expectations that conflate achievement with intrinsic value. Setting yourself free begins with separating your worth from your performance. This doesn't mean abandoning standards or goals – it means recognizing that your value as a human being exists independent of what you accomplish. It means developing self-compassion and treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend who is struggling. It means distinguishing between healthy striving (which energizes and inspires) and perfectionism (which depletes and discourages). The path to freedom requires examining your expectations with gentle curiosity. Ask yourself: Is this expectation realistic? Does it align with my authentic values or was it inherited from someone else? Does pursuing this expectation bring me joy or suffering? By consciously choosing which personal expectations to keep and which to release, you reclaim authority over your inner experience. You begin living from a place of self-acceptance rather than self-criticism, creating space for genuine growth, creativity, and fulfillment to flourish.

Chapter 4: Cultural & Spiritual Expectations: Finding Your Authentic Path

David sat nervously across from his parents at their kitchen table. At thirty-two, he was finally gathering the courage to tell them he was leaving the family's fourth-generation accounting firm to pursue his passion for sustainable architecture. "But this is what our family does," his father said, confusion and hurt evident in his voice. "Everyone expects you to take over when I retire." The weight of those expectations – from his family, his community, the clients who had known him since childhood – had kept David in a career that slowly drained his spirit for nearly a decade. Walking away meant disappointing people he loved and respected, yet staying meant sacrificing his authentic path. Cultural and spiritual expectations exert profound influence over our lives, often operating with the force of unquestioned truth rather than optional belief. These expectations come from our families of origin, religious communities, ethnic backgrounds, and broader society. They dictate appropriate career choices, relationship patterns, lifestyle decisions, and even the timeline by which significant life events should occur. Their power lies in their collective nature – when an entire community or culture shares an expectation, diverging from it can mean risking belonging, approval, and sometimes even safety. For many, spiritual expectations create particularly complex inner conflicts. Religious teachings internalized in childhood can create deep-seated beliefs about morality, purpose, and identity that may not align with adult experiences and values. The faithful person who questions certain doctrines, the believer whose sexuality doesn't conform to religious teachings, or the spiritual seeker drawn to practices outside their tradition – all must navigate the tension between external religious expectations and internal spiritual truth. Finding your authentic path doesn't necessarily mean rejecting your cultural or spiritual heritage. Rather, it means thoughtfully discerning which aspects of these traditions truly resonate with your deepest values. It means distinguishing between expectations you follow out of conscious choice and those you follow out of unexamined habit or fear of disapproval. The most fulfilling spiritual and cultural expressions often come when people honor their roots while mindfully adapting traditions to reflect their authentic understanding and experience. The journey toward authenticity requires courage – the willingness to disappoint others in service of your truth. It requires grieving the loss of certainty and simple belonging that comes with unquestioned conformity. Yet this path also offers profound rewards: genuine self-expression, deeper spiritual connection, and the opportunity to contribute to the evolution of cultural and spiritual traditions themselves. By consciously choosing which cultural and spiritual expectations to embrace and which to release, you find freedom to walk a path that honors both your heritage and your unique personhood.

Chapter 5: Relational Expectations: Reclaiming Power in Connection

After fifteen years of marriage, Maria and Thomas sat in their first couples therapy session. "I feel invisible," Maria said quietly. "Like my needs don't matter." Thomas looked genuinely shocked. "But I do everything for our family! I work sixty hours a week, I handle the finances, I maintain the house..." The therapist nodded and asked a simple question: "Did either of you ever discuss what you expected from each other in this marriage?" The silence that followed was revealing. Maria had expected emotional intimacy and shared decision-making. Thomas had expected to provide financially while being appreciated for his sacrifice. Neither had clearly communicated these expectations, yet both felt betrayed when their unspoken needs weren't met. Relationships of all kinds – romantic partnerships, friendships, family bonds, professional connections – are breeding grounds for unexamined expectations. We enter these connections with preconceived notions about how others should behave, what they should provide, and how the relationship should progress. These expectations often remain unspoken, creating a dangerous dynamic where we hold others accountable for meeting standards they never agreed to or may not even be aware of. The disappointment that follows unmet relational expectations can be particularly painful because it feels personal. "If they loved me, they would know what I need," we tell ourselves, forgetting that even the most attentive partner cannot read our minds. Or we assume others share our priorities and values, then feel betrayed when their choices reveal different perspectives. The parent who expects constant communication from their adult child, the friend who expects equal time investment despite different life circumstances, the partner who expects financial priorities to align perfectly – all set themselves and their relationships up for unnecessary conflict. Reclaiming power in connection begins with taking responsibility for your own happiness rather than expecting others to provide it. This doesn't mean lowering your standards or accepting mistreatment. Rather, it means recognizing that healthy relationships require clear communication about needs and boundaries. It means distinguishing between preferences (which can be flexible) and non-negotiable values (which may indicate fundamental compatibility issues). It means releasing the expectation that others should anticipate your needs without you having to express them. Perhaps most importantly, setting healthy relational expectations requires accepting that others have the right to say no. When you clearly express what you want and need, the other person has an opportunity to respond authentically – whether with enthusiastic agreement, thoughtful negotiation, or honest decline. This transparency creates relationships built on mutual choice rather than obligation, resentment, or manipulation. By communicating your expectations and respecting others' agency to respond, you create connections that honor both your needs and theirs – the foundation of truly fulfilling relationships.

Chapter 6: Professional Expectations: Mastering Process Over Results

Marcus had spent months preparing for the biggest presentation of his career. He rehearsed endlessly, polished every slide, and anticipated every possible question. When the day arrived, he delivered flawlessly – yet the client decided to go with a competitor. Marcus was devastated. Despite doing everything "right," the outcome he expected didn't materialize. He spiraled into self-doubt, questioning his abilities and worth. During a conversation with his mentor, everything shifted. "You're suffering because you've confused what you can control with what you can't," she explained. "You controlled your preparation and delivery – and those were excellent. You never controlled the client's decision. That's where your expectation betrayed you." Professional expectations can be particularly tricky because our culture so strongly emphasizes results and outcomes. We expect promotions by certain ages, recognition for our contributions, financial rewards commensurate with our efforts, and clear career trajectories. When these expectations go unmet – as they often do in unpredictable work environments – we experience not just disappointment but a sense of injustice and personal failure. This focus on results keeps us perpetually dissatisfied and vulnerable to circumstances beyond our control. The alternative approach – mastering process over results – represents a fundamental shift in professional expectations. Rather than fixating on outcomes (which involve many factors outside your influence), you focus on the aspects of work within your control: your skill development, your effort, your integrity, your learning, and your relationships. You set expectations around these process elements rather than the results they might produce. This doesn't mean abandoning ambition or accepting mediocrity; it means recognizing that the most reliable path to success lies in mastering your process rather than demanding specific outcomes. This shift creates remarkable freedom. The salesperson who focuses on building genuine relationships rather than hitting arbitrary targets often performs better while experiencing less anxiety. The entrepreneur who prioritizes creating value over achieving status milestones builds more sustainable businesses. The creative professional who emphasizes craft development over external validation produces more authentic and ultimately more impactful work. Setting realistic professional expectations requires honest assessment of what's within your sphere of influence. You can control your preparation, your response to feedback, your continuing education, and your daily habits. You cannot control market conditions, others' decisions, timing of opportunities, or competitors' actions. By focusing your expectations on the former while releasing attachment to the latter, you reclaim agency in your professional life. This process-oriented approach not only reduces unnecessary suffering but often leads to better results – because mastery of process, over time, is what actually produces exceptional outcomes.

Chapter 7: Living Free: Practical Steps to Liberation

On her fortieth birthday, Rachel made a surprising announcement to her friends and family. After decades of people-pleasing and living according to others' expectations, she was taking a "Year of No." For twelve months, she would decline any invitation or request that didn't align with her authentic desires and values. Her loved ones were confused, some even hurt. "But you always host Thanksgiving," her mother protested. "The committee relies on your volunteer hours," added a friend. Rachel took a deep breath and explained that she needed to discover who she was when not defined by others' needs. That year transformed her life. By practicing the power of setting boundaries around others' expectations, she finally discovered her own. Living free from the burden of unexamined expectations doesn't happen overnight. It requires consistent practice, gentle self-awareness, and the courage to make different choices. The process begins with recognition – identifying the expectations currently operating in your life and their sources. Which came from your family of origin? Which from society or culture? Which from social media or comparison? Which have you consciously chosen because they align with your values and priorities? This inventory alone can be revelatory, highlighting how many of your stressors stem from expectations you never deliberately accepted. The next step involves communication – clearly expressing your expectations to others and inviting them to do the same. This practice transforms relationships from breeding grounds of disappointment to spaces of mutual understanding. When you tell your partner what you need rather than expecting them to intuit it, when you discuss workload expectations with your boss rather than assuming them, when you clarify expectations with family members around holidays or gatherings – you create the conditions for authentic connection and reduced conflict. Perhaps the most challenging aspect of living free involves the willingness to disappoint others. When you begin setting boundaries around expectations that don't serve you, people accustomed to your compliance will inevitably push back. The mother who expects weekly visits, the colleague who expects after-hours availability, the friend who expects prioritization of their needs – all may express resistance when you recalibrate these dynamics. Learning to tolerate the discomfort of others' disappointment without automatically capitulating is essential to maintaining your freedom. The rewards of this work are profound. As you release unrealistic expectations and set intentional ones aligned with your authentic self, you experience greater peace, improved relationships, and increased energy for what truly matters to you. You stop measuring your life against arbitrary standards and instead create meaningful metrics based on your unique values and purpose. You recognize that freedom doesn't mean having no expectations – it means consciously choosing which expectations will guide your life rather than unconsciously accepting those imposed by others. Through this practice of awareness, communication, and boundary-setting, you gradually create a life that reflects your deepest truth rather than others' prescriptions for who you should be.

Summary

The journey of breaking free from unmanaged expectations ultimately reveals a profound paradox: true freedom doesn't come from having no expectations, but from consciously setting the right ones. Throughout these pages, we've witnessed how expectations operate like invisible software in our minds, dictating our emotions and decisions without our awareness. We've seen how perfectionistic personal standards keep us trapped in cycles of striving and self-criticism. We've explored the powerful grip of cultural and spiritual expectations that may not align with our authentic selves. We've examined how unspoken relational expectations create unnecessary conflict, and how result-focused professional expectations set us up for perpetual disappointment. The path forward begins with awareness – recognizing which expectations are actually running your life and whether they're serving your wellbeing and purpose. It continues through conscious choice – deciding which expectations align with your authentic values and which need to be released. And it's sustained through courageous communication – clearly expressing your expectations to others while respecting their agency to respond. This work isn't easy, but it's profoundly liberating. By reclaiming authority over the expectations that guide your life, you create space for genuine joy, meaningful achievement, and relationships built on mutual understanding rather than unconscious demands. The freedom you seek doesn't require abandoning all structure or responsibility – it simply asks that you become the author of your own expectations rather than a prisoner to those you never chose. In this conscious creation lies the power to live a life that reflects your deepest truth rather than others' prescriptions for who you should be.

About Author

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DeVon Franklin

DeVon Franklin is a bestselling author, spiritual success coach, former Sony Pictures executive, and the CEO of Franklin Entertainment, a production company in conjunction with 20th Century Fox. Variety named him one of the “10 Producers to Watch” and Beliefnet called him one of the “Most Influential Christians Under 40.” Franklin is the author of the New York Times bestseller The Wait (co-written with his wife, award-winning actress Meagan Good) and Produced by Faith. He lives with Meagan in Los Angeles, California.

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