You Can Negotiate Anything

You Can Negotiate Anything Plot Summary

Introduction

Imagine standing in front of someone who holds the key to something you desperately want—a job, a sale, a resolution to a conflict. Your heart races as you prepare to speak. What will you say? How will you say it? The stakes feel impossibly high. This moment of tension, this "web of tension" as experts call it, is negotiation in its purest form. Every day, whether you realize it or not, you engage in dozens of negotiations. From discussing a deadline with your boss to deciding where to have dinner with your spouse, from buying a car to resolving a dispute with a neighbor—life is a giant negotiating table. Most people approach these interactions haphazardly, unaware that specific skills and strategies could dramatically improve their outcomes. The principles in these pages will transform how you handle these critical exchanges, empowering you to achieve results you once thought impossible while maintaining—even strengthening—your most important relationships.

Chapter 1: Recognize Your Hidden Power

Power in negotiation isn't about dominance or aggression—it's about recognizing your ability to influence outcomes. The fundamental truth that transforms negotiators from average to exceptional is understanding that power is based on perception. If you think you have power, then you have it. If you believe you don't have it, even when you do, then you've surrendered it before the negotiation has even begun. Consider the story of a prisoner in solitary confinement that the author shares. The authorities had removed his shoelaces and belt to prevent self-harm. One day, smelling a Marlboro cigarette, the prisoner's favorite brand, he noticed the lone guard smoking in the corridor. Desperate for a cigarette, he respectfully asked for one. When the guard refused, the prisoner changed tactics. He informed the guard that if he didn't receive a cigarette within thirty seconds, he would bang his head against the concrete wall until he was bloody and unconscious, then claim the guard was responsible. Though the guard wouldn't face serious consequences, he would endure hearings, commissions, and endless paperwork—all avoidable by giving up one cigarette. The guard quickly offered a cigarette and even lit it for the prisoner. Why? Because the prisoner, despite his seemingly powerless position, recognized his options and was willing to test his assumptions. He understood that power comes from the guard's perception that the prisoner could bring about effects that might create problems for the guard. The prisoner was able to analyze the situation and determine what would influence the guard's behavior. This example demonstrates that power isn't about your formal authority or position. It's about understanding what the other party values or fears, and how you might affect those concerns. Throughout history, figures like Jesus Christ and Socrates wielded enormous influence without formal authority. They understood the power of information, timing, and persuasion. The author identifies several sources of power available to everyone. The power of competition—creating demand for what you offer. The power of legitimacy—using or challenging established rules. The power of risk-taking—calculated chances that yield rewards. The power of expertise—specialized knowledge that others value. The power of commitment—getting others invested in your success. These are all tools that transform an ordinary conversation into a successful negotiation. Remember, you have more power than you realize in any negotiation. The key is to recognize it, believe in it, and use it appropriately to affect the outcome. As Henry Ford said, "If you think you can or you can't, you're always right."

Chapter 2: Master the Three Crucial Variables

Every negotiation, whether buying a refrigerator or settling an international dispute, involves three crucial variables: power, time, and information. Understanding and managing these elements can dramatically shift the outcome in your favor. Time is perhaps the most misunderstood aspect of negotiation. Most people mistakenly view negotiations as events with fixed beginnings and endings. However, seasoned negotiators understand that time works differently. The author recounts a business trip to Tokyo where he learned this lesson the hard way. Sent to negotiate with Japanese businessmen, he was excited to showcase his skills and "wipe out the Japanese." Instead, for over a week, his hosts showed him Japanese hospitality and culture—the Imperial Palace, Zen studies, elaborate dinners. Whenever he inquired about starting negotiations, they responded, "Plenty of time! Plenty of time!" Finally, on the twelfth day, negotiations began briefly before golfing. On the thirteenth day, they negotiated again before a farewell dinner. Only on the fourteenth day—his final day in Japan—did serious negotiations commence. Just as his limousine arrived to take him to the airport, they consummated the deal. The result was so unfavorable to his company that his superiors later referred to it as "The first great Japanese victory since Pearl Harbor." The Japanese understood a fundamental principle: the side that knows the other's deadline holds tremendous power. They knew his departure date while keeping their own timeline secret. This created mounting pressure as his deadline approached, forcing him to make unnecessary concessions. This pattern repeats in virtually every negotiation. Whether filing taxes, completing assignments, or passing legislation, significant concessions and settlements typically occur near deadlines. The author calls this the "eleventh-hour effect." While deadlines create pressure, they're usually more flexible than they appear. Most deadlines are products of negotiation themselves and therefore negotiable. Information forms the third crucial variable. The side with better information about the other's needs, priorities, and constraints holds a distinct advantage. This is why skilled negotiators invest time gathering intelligence before formal talks begin. In the author's Japanese negotiation, his hosts knew everything about him—his return ticket date, his eagerness to succeed—while he knew little about their needs or constraints. To gain an information advantage, start gathering data early, before the formal event. People share information more freely before they feel they're "on camera" in official negotiations. Ask questions, listen more than you talk, and show genuine interest in understanding the other side's position. Information about their costs, deadlines, alternatives, and internal pressures gives you tremendous leverage. Understanding these three variables—power, time, and information—allows you to analyze any negotiation accurately. Master them, and you'll transform from someone things happen to into someone who makes things happen.

Chapter 3: Choose Your Negotiation Style Wisely

Negotiation styles exist along a spectrum between two fundamental approaches: competitive (Win-Lose) and collaborative (Win-Win). Understanding these styles—and knowing when to use each—is essential for negotiating success in any context. The competitive style, which the author calls "Soviet style" after observing Soviet negotiators, focuses on winning at the other side's expense. The author describes meeting with three Japanese businessmen representing Japan Air Lines during his corporate career. The American company made an elaborate two-and-a-half-hour presentation with flip charts, computer printouts, and projectors justifying their asking price. Throughout this impressive display, the Japanese gentlemen sat quietly. When asked for their reaction, one smiled politely and answered, "We don't understand." When pressed about what they didn't understand, another replied, "The whole thing." The third added, "From when the lights went out." The frustrated executive asked what they wanted, and all three replied, "Can you do it again?" This tactic—feigning confusion or language difficulties—put the Japanese in the "catbird seat." The Americans couldn't possibly repeat their presentation with the same enthusiasm, and their asking price ultimately collapsed. The Japanese weren't genuinely confused; they were employing a classic competitive tactic to gain advantage. The author identifies six hallmarks of the competitive style: extreme initial positions, limited authority, emotional tactics, viewing adversary concessions as weakness, stinginess in concessions, and ignoring deadlines. These techniques can be effective in one-time transactions where the relationship doesn't matter, but they're potentially disastrous in ongoing relationships. The collaborative style, by contrast, focuses on solving problems together to meet everyone's needs. This approach recognizes that because people are unique with different priorities, it's often possible for both sides to win. The author shares how Howard Hughes and actress Jane Russell transformed a contentious contract dispute into a win-win solution. Russell had a one-year, one-million-dollar personal services contract with Hughes. When payment came due, Hughes claimed he wasn't "liquid" though he had plenty of assets. Instead of fighting through attorneys, they shared information about their needs and restructured the contract into a twenty-year deal for $50,000 annually. This creative solution gave Hughes the liquidity he needed while providing Russell tax advantages and long-term financial security. Neither "won" at the other's expense—they reframed the problem to satisfy both parties' needs. The key to choosing your negotiation style wisely is assessing the relationship's importance. For one-time transactions with strangers, competitive techniques might be appropriate. For ongoing relationships with colleagues, family, or regular business partners, the collaborative approach typically yields better long-term results. Most importantly, recognize when others are using competitive tactics against you so you won't be victimized, and know how to transform a competitive negotiation into a collaborative one when possible.

Chapter 4: Build Trust Through Effective Communication

Effective negotiation hinges on trust, which is cultivated through intentional communication before, during, and after the formal negotiation event. This foundation of trust transforms potential adversaries into collaborative problem solvers. The author illustrates this principle with a story about a family struggling to decide on their vacation destination. Gary wanted to go to northern Minnesota or Canada to escape air conditioning and humidity. His wife Janet wanted to play tennis at a resort in Texas and not have to drive everywhere. Their high school son wanted to swim at the Lake of the Ozarks, their younger son wanted to see mountains in the Adirondacks, and their college daughter just wanted peace and quiet to study for her law school entrance exam. After weeks of arguing with no resolution, the family consulted the author during a dinner in Ames, Iowa. He advised them to stop focusing on specific locations (the means) and instead concentrate on meeting everyone's underlying needs (the ends). Rather than continuing to debate Texas versus Minnesota, he suggested they hold a collaborative family discussion to identify what each person truly wanted from the vacation. Following this advice, the family discovered that their needs weren't actually in conflict. After sharing information about their desires and researching options together, they found a perfect solution: Vail, Colorado. This destination offered tennis courts for Janet, a golf course for Gary, mountains for the younger son, swimming and fishing for the high schooler, peace and quiet for the college student, no need to drive (shuttle buses were available), dining options that didn't require formal attire, and comfortable temperatures without air conditioning. The key to their success was shifting from arguing over positions to understanding interests. By focusing on what each person needed rather than where each wanted to go, they found a creative solution that satisfied everyone. This process also brought the family closer together. The author emphasizes that trust-building communication should begin during what he calls the "process stage"—the period before formal negotiation. During this time, approach others with humility rather than intimidation. Ask questions instead of making demands. Listen more than you talk. Show vulnerability by admitting what you don't know. This approach encourages others to share information freely. During the formal negotiation, continue building trust by framing the discussion around mutual problem-solving rather than competing interests. Start with points of agreement before addressing differences. Use "I" statements rather than accusatory "you" statements to express your needs without triggering defensiveness. For example, instead of saying "Your analysis of these data is all wrong," say "I look at data differently than you. I feel that..." This simple shift maintains the other person's dignity while still expressing your perspective. Similarly, when giving feedback about a messy room, saying "When this room is not tidy I feel frustrated" instead of "This place looks like a pig sty" preserves the relationship while communicating your needs. By building trust through effective communication, you transform negotiations from adversarial contests into collaborative problem-solving sessions where both parties can achieve their goals.

Chapter 5: Create Win-Win Solutions

Win-Win solutions emerge when negotiators focus on reconciling needs rather than positions. The difference between positions and needs is crucial: positions are what people say they want, while needs are what would actually satisfy them. Creative solutions become possible when both parties understand this distinction. The author recounts a personal experience purchasing a videotape recorder and television set from a local merchant. Arriving at the store with limited time before attending a college football game, he faced a challenging negotiation. Rather than rushing or haggling aggressively, he spent time building rapport with the store owner, John. They discussed the challenges of operating a small business near a new shopping center and the owner's cash flow problems from customers using credit cards. After establishing this relationship, the author examined the equipment and received a demonstration. When it came time to discuss price, he took a humble approach: "I don't know what these things cost. I'll rely on you. Whatever price you come up with, I'll pay right now." As the owner wrote down a figure, the author added: "I want you to make a reasonable profit, but I want a reasonable deal myself." Then he introduced additional information: "What if I also got this Sony TV with remote control? Would that affect the total price?" The owner agreed to recalculate for a package deal. The author then mentioned the owner's earlier cash flow concerns: "I was going to charge this, but would it be more convenient if I paid in cash?" This prompted another recalculation. Finally, he confirmed the owner would install the equipment. The final price was $1,528.30—a fair deal for both parties. Beyond the equipment, the store owner threw in a free stand for the videotape recorder and later became a friend with an ongoing business relationship. This illustrates how understanding and addressing the other party's needs (cash flow, installation convenience, ongoing business) created value beyond the immediate transaction. The author outlines specific steps for creating Win-Win solutions: First, identify the real needs behind stated positions. When someone says "I want $50,000 salary," their needs might include recognition, security, status, or specific lifestyle requirements. By understanding these underlying needs, you can explore alternative ways to satisfy them. Second, reshape agreements to meet both parties' needs. The author describes a negotiation for a coal mine where the owner demanded $26 million while the corporation offered $21.5 million. The stalemate broke when they discovered the owner's brother had received $25.5 million for his mine. By restructuring the payment terms to match or slightly exceed what the brother received (though at a lower total price), they satisfied the owner's psychological need to do better than his brother. Third, avoid the compromise trap. True Win-Win solutions are not compromises where each side gives up something important. The author illustrates this with a story about siblings fighting over leftover pie. One wanted only the crust while the other wanted only the filling—dividing it in half would satisfy neither, while giving each what they actually wanted would satisfy both completely. The essence of Win-Win negotiation is finding what the other side really wants and showing them a way to get it while you get what you want. Because no two people are identical in their needs and preferences, creative solutions that satisfy everyone are almost always possible.

Chapter 6: Overcome Resistance with Strategic Approaches

Resistance in negotiations comes in two forms: idea opponents and visceral opponents. Understanding this distinction allows you to apply the right strategic approach to each situation. Idea opponents disagree with you on a particular issue or alternative but can be transformed into allies through collaborative problem-solving. The author illustrates this with a job negotiation scenario. A job applicant asks for $50,000 while the employer offers only $30,000. After reaching an impasse on salary, they move off the discussion of salary itself and explore other forms of compensation. They discover that by restructuring the package, the employer can provide benefits worth more than $20,000 through various means: company car, expense account, club membership, profit sharing, retirement contributions, insurance benefits, educational opportunities, office space improvements, and more. These alternatives cost the company money but in areas where expenditure is more acceptable from their perspective. Additionally, many benefits aren't taxed as income, making them more valuable to the employee than an equivalent salary increase. This creative solution satisfied both parties' needs without either side "losing." The candidate received a valuable compensation package, and the employer secured a talented employee within their salary constraints. This exemplifies overcoming idea-based resistance through exploring options beyond the obvious. Visceral opponents, by contrast, disagree with you as a person and may attribute negative motives to your position. They're emotionally opposed to you, making rational problem-solving difficult. The key to preventing someone from becoming a visceral opponent is avoiding attacks on their "face"—their public image and dignity. The author shares the story of Kate, a supervisor who used her company's "open-door policy" to report mistreatment by her boss. Though she won her case and her boss apologized, the relationship was permanently damaged. Her boss began documenting her arrival times, pointing out mistakes publicly, and excluding her from important communications. Though she eventually received a raise, it was less than expected, and she ultimately left for another position. Similarly, Vince, a teacher, publicly pointed out logical errors in his principal's budget presentation. Though he was factually correct, his undermining of the principal's authority in front of colleagues resulted in his reassignment to a different sport and eventual transfer to a school farther from his home. To avoid creating visceral opponents, the author offers two rules: First, manage your attitude. Approach negotiations as a game—"Care, but don't care that much." Even when provoked, remain calm and professional. Remember that no one can irritate you without your consent, and your reaction to provocations is within your control. Second, never judge the actions and motives of others. Since you cannot see into someone's heart or mind, avoid making evaluations about their character or intentions. When communication feels judgmental, people become defensive and less likely to share information or collaborate. The author suggests using "I" statements instead of accusatory "you" statements. For instance, rather than saying "This place looks like a pig sty," say "When this room is not tidy I feel frustrated and upset." This communicates your feelings without attacking the other person's character or worth. By distinguishing between idea and visceral opposition and applying the appropriate strategy to each, you can overcome resistance while preserving relationships—turning potential adversaries into collaborative partners.

Chapter 7: Negotiate in Any Context

The principles of effective negotiation apply universally, whether you're dealing with large organizations, personal relationships, or challenging situations. By understanding how to adapt these principles to any context, you can dramatically improve your outcomes. When negotiating by telephone, recognize its unique characteristics. The author describes helping a neighbor dispute an insurance claim over a damaged roof. The neighbor had tried repeatedly by phone without success. The author called the claims adjuster and established a relationship through casual conversation, then gradually mentioned the claim. Rather than demanding a specific amount, he asked what the adjuster thought would be fair. When the adjuster offered $100, the author expressed surprise but didn't reject it outright. "Gee, I don't know," he responded. The adjuster raised the offer to $200, then $300, then $400, $500, and finally $600. With each increase, the author simply repeated, "Gee, I don't know," creating space for the adjuster to keep raising the offer. The claim was eventually settled for $950. This story illustrates several telephone negotiation principles: be the caller rather than the receiver, prepare thoroughly, maintain focus, and use silence strategically. After any important phone negotiation, write a memorandum of agreement to document what was decided. The person who writes the memo gains significant advantages in shaping how the agreement is interpreted. When dealing with bureaucracies or large organizations, "move up" to higher levels of authority. The author describes a hotel guest arriving late to find his guaranteed reservation couldn't be honored due to overbooking. Rather than accepting the desk clerk's programmed response, the guest insisted on speaking with the night manager, who found a suite being redecorated. Though initially charged double the single-room rate, the guest later spoke with the general manager, who adjusted the price to the original rate. This approach works because people higher in organizations understand that rules have exceptions, see the bigger picture, and have greater authority to make decisions. Whether dealing with tax authorities, government agencies, or corporations, moving up the hierarchy increases your chances of success. Perhaps most importantly, personalize yourself and your situation. The author contrasts two big-city mayors: New York's John Lindsay and Chicago's Richard J. Daley. Lindsay was tall, handsome, well-dressed, and articulate, while Daley was short, pudgy, poorly dressed, and often mangled the English language. Yet Daley was far more effective because he personalized his interactions. While Lindsay negotiated on behalf of "New York City"—an abstract entity—Daley approached individuals personally. He would say, "John, you told me you were gonna do this. I was counting on you. I told my wife about your promise. You can't let me down!" He made people feel they were letting him down personally, not just the city of Chicago. This personalization created powerful emotional commitments that formal, institutional approaches couldn't match. The author concludes with a powerful example of "personalizing power": a hitchhiker who carried an empty gasoline can as his suitcase. Drivers who wouldn't normally pick up hitchhikers stopped for him, assuming he had run out of gas. By distinguishing himself from the average hitchhiker and appealing to drivers' helpful instincts, he secured rides across the country. In any negotiation context, the key is making others see you as a unique human being with feelings and needs, not just a statistic or transaction. When people connect with you personally, they're far more likely to help you achieve what you want.

Summary

Throughout these pages, we've explored how negotiation is not merely a technique but a way of life—a means of getting what you want while respecting others' needs. From recognizing your hidden power to mastering the three crucial variables, from choosing the right negotiation style to building trust and creating win-win solutions, these principles can transform every interaction in your life. The most powerful lesson is that you have more control over your circumstances than you might believe. As the author reminds us, "You have the power to change your life and the lives of others as well. Don't back away from the exercise of power or wait for someone else to act." This recognition that you can influence outcomes—that you can negotiate anything—is ultimately liberating. Start today by identifying one important negotiation in your life. Before diving in, take time to understand the other party's needs, establish trust, and consider how you might restructure the situation to benefit everyone involved. Remember that negotiation isn't about dominating others but about creatively solving problems together. When you approach life's challenges this way, you'll not only get more of what you want but help others achieve their goals too.

About Author

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Herb Cohen

For more than three decades, Herb Cohen has been a practicing negotiator, intimately enmeshed in some of the world’s headline dramas from hostile takeovers to hostage negotiations. His clients have included business executives, entrepreneurs, sports and theatrical agents plus large corporations - as well as governmental agencies, such as the Department of State, FBI, CIA, The US Conference of Mayors and US Department of Justice.Unlike some theorists, he was actively involved in the negotiations that settled the NFL players’ strike and the General Motors Chevy mobile litigation and also participated in the START Arms Control Negotiations with the Soviet Union.He started formally teaching the subject of negotiations during a two week course for attorneys in 1963 sponsored by Allstate Insurance Company. It was then he first used the terms “Win-Win. Win-Lose, Lose-Lose”.Herb Cohen’s analysis, insights and humorous view of many of these high-level happenings have appeared in many international publications, and he himself has been the subject of articles in TIME magazine, People, The Economist, The New Yorker, Esquire, Readers Digest, Good Housekeeping, Newsweek, Rolling Stone and even Playboy Magazine.He is the author of You Can Negotiate Anything which was on the New York Times best-seller list for almost one year and has been translated into thirty languages. His latest book, Negotiate This! By Caring But Not T-H-A-T Much was published in mid-September 2003.During the Cold War, Herb Cohen served with the U.S. Army, 14th Armored Cavalry Regiment on the East-West Border in Bad Kissingen, Germany.While attending university and law school he worked in many business and governmental organizations and ultimately became a faculty member at the University of Michigan’s Graduate School of Business. Since then he has lectured at many educational institutions and enterprises such as The Harvard Negotiating Project, Yale Law School, The Kellogg School, Wharton, the University of Wisconsin, the University of California-San Diego, McGill University, UBC and the Columbia and Chicago University School of Business.

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