Closer to Love

Closer to Love Plot Summary

Introduction

It hit me like a ton of bricks. The wind knocked out of my lungs as my first real heartbreak shattered everything I thought I knew about love. Despite seeing it coming from miles away, I was staggered by the impact. In a single moment, all I had known of love disappeared, and the future I had carefully crafted in my mind vanished into thin air. For some time afterward, I became merely a shell of my former self. This devastating experience, painful as it was, became my necessary awakening—a brutal but essential catalyst for spiritual and emotional expansion. Through this journey of heartbreak and healing, I discovered a profound truth: we cannot truly connect with another person if we remain disconnected from ourselves. The path to authentic love begins with self-discovery and self-love. By understanding our attachment patterns, creating sacred boundaries, developing emotional intelligence, decoding what truly attracts us, and learning when to stay or walk away, we can nurture relationships that help us grow rather than relationships that merely fill our voids. This exploration isn't about finding a perfect partner but about becoming someone capable of giving and receiving love authentically—a journey that transforms not just our relationships but our entire experience of life.

Chapter 1: The Journey Inward: Discovering Your Authentic Self

Rory grew up in a broken home after his parents split when he was five. His childhood was marked by instability—a mother who worked long hours, a revolving door of her boyfriends, and constant relocations that made forming lasting friendships nearly impossible. By his late teens, these experiences had crystallized into resentment and anger. In romantic relationships, Rory developed a pattern of dumping girls after just a couple of dates, never feeling capable of loving anyone enough to form a serious connection. Meeting Rory and hearing his story, I could see he was completely shut down emotionally. This was tragic because beneath his protective shell was a nice guy with so much unexpressed love to offer. He had never taken time to examine what was happening beneath the surface of his behavior. His strong emotions of anger, resentment, and insecurity were blocking him from moving forward and enjoying close relationships with others. No one can change Rory's past—it's gone. What lingers are the after-effects that have seeped into his being, making him believe his past dictates his present and future. Our past certainly shapes us, but it doesn't have to define our present relationships. Instead of saying, "I'm like this because such and such happened to me," a healthier perspective is: "This happened to me, but I'm not going to let it stop me from finding happiness." Through self-love, we can break down the parts of our personality formed through pain—the emotional armor meant to protect our hearts after they've been hurt. When we carry this old, heavy armor into every new relationship, we're essentially preparing for battle rather than connection. The time has come to disarm, letting our body, mind, and spirit know we're inviting love, not war. The first step is letting go. Many of us are what I call "emotional hoarders," clinging to past hurts just as some people hoard physical possessions. We think these accumulated hurts serve some purpose or meet some need, but in reality, they're suffocating us. The desire to hold onto our past can create tremendous unhappiness and discomfort, preventing us from living fulfilling lives. When it comes to relationships, consider which emotions from your past you're bringing to your present connections. To build healthy relationships, we must recognize that authentic love starts with ourselves. By becoming radically honest about our relationship patterns, understanding our needs and attachments, and learning to nurture and love ourselves, we liberate our hearts to experience genuine connection, intimacy, and true love. This inward journey isn't just about healing—it's about rediscovering who we truly are beneath the layers of past pain.

Chapter 2: Attachment Patterns: How Your Past Shapes Your Present

George and Stella have been together for eight months now. Coming from very different backgrounds, Stella doesn't like some of George's political opinions, and they have frequent disagreements. She feels he's always forcing his views on her without listening to her perspective or respecting her opinions. To avoid conflict, Stella has started keeping her views to herself, creating a quieter life but breeding resentment about feeling her views don't matter. In another case, Amanda separated from her husband after an eight-year marriage marked by dramatic fights. The relationship deteriorated when her husband began drinking and became physically abusive, forcing her to leave. Years later, Amanda met Guy and they started dating. She became extremely critical whenever he had more than one drink when they went out, unable to relax. Her past experiences with her ex-husband, where he would verbally abuse and threaten her when drunk, left her terrified of experiencing the same pattern with Guy. Guy, having grown up with an alcoholic father, had vowed never to drink to the extent that he would abuse his wife or children. He couldn't understand Amanda's nervousness whenever they went out together and began thinking she simply didn't want him to enjoy himself. He liked her but felt her constant monitoring and nagging were becoming irritating. Here we have two different people bringing their own experiences to the relationship but unable to communicate effectively enough to overcome their issues. Amanda entered the relationship with specific preconceived expectations—she believed Guy was no different from her husband. This template in her mind could prove disastrous for their relationship. According to attachment theory, we develop specific ways of relating to others based on our early childhood experiences with caregivers. These attachment styles—secure, anxious, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant—play out in our adult relationships, often unconsciously. When we understand our attachment style, we can begin to detach from its limitations and improve our relationships. Secure attachment allows us to love and be loved easily, trust others, maintain emotional balance during conflicts, and enjoy healthy boundaries. The other styles—anxious (feeling insecure and constantly worried about the relationship), dismissive avoidant (struggling with intimacy and commitment), and fearful avoidant (craving affection while avoiding relationships to minimize getting hurt)—can create challenges in forming healthy bonds. To free yourself from problematic attachment patterns, practice emotional regulation, self-awareness, and compassion. Recognize that your reactions in relationships often stem from your attachment style rather than what's actually happening in the present moment. By understanding this, you can begin to heal old wounds and create space for genuine love to enter your life. The path to authentic love isn't about finding someone to "fix" you but about healing yourself so you can approach relationships from wholeness rather than need. When two people do this inner work, they can form connections based on mutual growth and support rather than unconscious attachment needs. This is how we break free from the cycles that have kept us locked in unfulfilling relationship patterns.

Chapter 3: Creating Sacred Space: Boundaries and Vulnerability

Marina Abramović, a renowned visual artist, created a powerful performance titled "The Artist Is Present" at the Museum of Modern Art in New York in 2010. For three months, she sat motionless in a chair all day while people waited hours for the chance to sit opposite her for a minute. The concept explored how we can create deep emotional connections through silence, vulnerability, and openness. In one touching moment, her ex-lover appeared, and they communicated intense emotions without speaking. This performance beautifully demonstrates the power of vulnerability—the willingness to be present with another person without suppressing the feelings that arise. When two people are willing to be vulnerable, an extraordinary safety emerges between them. Without words, they communicate: "You are safe here. I am safe here. Let's be here together. Completely." This kind of vulnerability takes courage. We fear exposing our inner emotions because we might get hurt, ridiculed, dismissed, or worse. But the alternative—living isolated and refusing to interact authentically—is no way to live. Connection, communication, and loving relationships require vulnerability, even if it feels frightening. Thanks to researcher Brené Brown, vulnerability has been highlighted as a pathway to connection. In her book "Daring Greatly," she explains how "vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity." It gives meaning to our lives and helps us feel a sense of belonging. For many, the idea of being emotionally exposed creates anxiety and fear. Think about a first date, asking for help, or initiating intimacy—these situations take us out of our comfort zone. What if we get rejected? Vulnerability does have boundaries—it's not about oversharing and leaving yourself completely exposed. For anyone to open up, they need a level of trust that a worthy partner has consistently demonstrated. Nobody should throw themselves recklessly into an emotional situation if the other person hasn't proven they'll be supportive and caring. That would only lead to distrust and failed connection. The Naikan practice, founded by Japanese businessman and Buddhist priest Yoshimito Ishin, offers a way to reduce feelings of vulnerability in relationships. This self-reflection exercise involves asking three simple questions: What have I received from my partner? What have I given to my partner? What trouble or difficulties might I have caused in our relationship? By honestly examining these questions, you gain clarity about the relationship and identify what may need to change. To nurture authentic relationships within a loving space, you must be authentic with yourself first. Otherwise, you send wrong messages about who you are and what you'll accept. This doesn't create a balanced partnership. When you feel empowered enough to realize it's up to you how you handle intimate relationships, making decisions about staying or leaving becomes easier. Trust is crucial in relationships, but self-trust must come first. Before trusting someone else, establish what your priorities are. Protect your needs, stay safe, have confidence in your decisions, and remain true to your values. When couples discuss trust, they're often talking about whether their partner truly cares enough for them. But if they don't practice self-trust while expecting it from another person, problems will arise. By creating sacred space in your relationship—a place where vulnerability can exist within healthy boundaries—you build a foundation for profound connection. This balance of openness and protection allows both partners to feel safe enough to share their authentic selves, creating a relationship that nurtures growth rather than one that depletes your spirit.

Chapter 4: Emotional Intelligence: The Key to Lasting Connection

Stella and George have been having issues in bed. Stella finds it difficult to make the first move, and it's always George who has to initiate sex. This has led to painful arguments and misunderstandings. He asks, "Don't you fancy me anymore? What am I doing wrong?" Instead of discussing the issue, Stella replies that nothing is wrong—she's just tired, not in the mood, and so on. Many people have intimacy issues for various reasons. While physical intimacy problems may seem most obvious, emotional intimacy challenges are equally common and often more devastating for couples. These issues might become more apparent as the couple moves toward greater closeness. We don't know what's making Stella unable to initiate sex, but it clearly needs addressing. It could stem from fear of abandonment or engulfment, usually originating from past experiences triggered in the present. She might fear judgment or criticism, have phobias, or suffer from anxiety that prevents her from navigating a close relationship, even though she desperately craves one. Not everyone understands their own intimacy issues if they've been buried deep within their psyche. When you can't handle intimacy, avoiding it often seems easier than facing it. You've managed so far, right? But this avoidance seriously affects your ability to commit, give, express, and enjoy physical contact. True intimacy comes from both partners listening deeply to themselves first—exploring their hidden depths of emotions, desires, and vulnerabilities. When they can reveal these discoveries in an atmosphere of acceptance, intimacy becomes a catalyst for deep healing. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is crucial for navigating these sensitive areas. While intellectual intelligence reflects cognitive abilities—skill with numbers, problem-solving, analyzing data—emotional intelligence is your ability to respond to emotions and handle interactions with maturity and understanding of others' feelings. This empowering skill helps both you and your partner build stronger connections. When you enter a relationship with a better grasp of your emotional makeup, creating a caring, meaningful connection becomes much easier. Many studies have found that certain patterns and strategies help couples make relationships work, and many of these involve emotional intelligence, both within ourselves and in relationship contexts. Using EQ to create stronger connections means handling conflict productively—finding ways to resolve disagreements without sacrificing your values or self-worth. It involves compromise, accepting your partner's perspectives, or apologizing when needed. This requires a heart capable of setting aside ego, pride, or an inflated sense of self. Emotional intelligence also means practicing forgiveness, which reduces feelings of guilt, anger, and hurt by putting wrongdoings into perspective. When weighed against the relationship's overall value, forgiveness helps you move past difficulties without bitterness or long-term damage. However, if you're constantly doing all the forgiving, that might signal an imbalance needing attention. Perhaps most importantly, emotional intelligence allows you to encourage your partner in their endeavors. When you genuinely care for someone, you want the best for them and support them as they pursue their goals. Watching them flourish brings a wonderful feeling. Celebrate their wins because they matter to them. It's amazing what even a small amount of encouragement can do to uplift the human spirit. Sometimes, the right words of encouragement at the right time can move mountains within your lover's heart. By developing your emotional intelligence, you create the foundation for lasting connection—one built on mutual understanding, respect, and the ability to navigate challenges together rather than against each other.

Chapter 5: Decoding Attraction: Finding What Truly Resonates

When I first met Kaushal over ten years ago, our relationship wasn't always smooth sailing. Both of us entered the relationship somewhat emotionally immature, which became obvious as we spent more time together. We found it easier to blame and judge each other than to understand where we were both coming from. Often, our disagreements were more about who would have the last word, invalidating each other's feelings to maintain control. Looking back, I see that the early stages of our relationship resembled a power struggle more than a loving union. This dynamic isn't uncommon as couples strive for closer connection. For us, it served a purpose—forcing us both to face our inner demons and work together rather than against each other. Instead of seeing each other as enemies, we realized we needed to let go of our egos and undo the conditioning preventing us from experiencing something truly wonderful. To better understand what happens when we fight with the one we love most, consider this: your ego wants to protect you. When emotions swell inside you because of something your partner did or said, you have a choice. You can either lose control, embarrass yourself with uncontrolled behavior, and weaken your relationship's foundation, or you can pause before responding. Allow the emotional charge to subside, and approach your partner with respect and love while honoring your feelings. You don't want to hurt them, and you don't want to be hurt by them, because hurt challenges the love you share. Anger, which fuels most fights, is a secondary emotion. There's always something you feel before anger—perhaps feeling forgotten, unwanted, rejected, neglected, inadequate, or lonely. Your partner may unintentionally trigger these feelings. These primary emotions are what you should bring to the conversation if you want a constructive discussion and positive outcome. Every relationship consists of two individuals at different stages of consciousness. To evolve together, you must be willing to resolve issues together—including anything unhealed within yourselves. This is how a relationship matures. Acceptance and openness are essential. When we establish conscious relationships and remain mindful of our own demons and our partner's, deeper connection becomes possible. Acting from the heart rather than the ego means stopping the need to be right all the time or "win" arguments. Instead, we focus on experiencing the true joy of love—there's no greater challenge or reward. What makes us act childishly when our partner touches a nerve or does something we dislike? And how do we process our response to do better next time? These questions matter because many couples struggle with emotional reactions that don't surface in everyday interactions with others. You wouldn't throw a tantrum with a friend who jokingly called you lazy—the comment would likely bounce off like water off a duck's back. But if your partner says the same thing, it feels like a blow below the belt, triggering hurt, disappointment, and anger that might escalate into a shouting match or sulking withdrawal. The truth is that in relationships, we enter an intimate space where we're exposed—both our good and bad sides. Nobody knows how to navigate this space initially because we're used to being individuals. We've never had to consider how to be with someone in such a close-knit way, how to respond to their issues, how to deal with our issues, or how to work together to create something healthy and fulfilling. By developing awareness of our triggers and learning to respond rather than react, we create space for love to flourish rather than conflict to dominate. This emotional maturity—the ability to have disagreements without shaming, blaming, name-calling, or projecting trauma onto someone else—becomes the foundation for genuine connection that resonates at the deepest level.

Chapter 6: When to Stay, When to Walk Away: Hard Conversations

Someone recently shared with me a story about her unfaithful ex-boyfriend. It began innocently enough with him liking random women's pictures on Instagram. He would also follow and message them despite her requests to stop, as it made her uncomfortable and seemed to send the wrong message to these people. He'd regularly go clubbing with friends and turn his phone off so she couldn't contact him. She wouldn't know when or if he got home those nights. The next morning, she'd discover he'd taken multiple pictures with different women during the night—some appearing inappropriate for a man in a relationship. When she expressed her feelings, he labeled her insecure and paranoid, claiming she didn't trust him. While partly true, he quickly dismissed her feelings, manipulated her emotionally, and continued disrespecting her. His behavior offered no reassurance. Each time they argued, he would woo her again with his words, expressing how much he loved her. Deep down, however, she knew the behavior would continue. As it did, she became more self-conscious, less confident, and increasingly paranoid. She kept asking herself, "Am I not good enough? Doesn't he love me? What am I doing wrong?" Unfortunately, I hear more tales of such gaslighting within relationships. It's easy to judge her and say, "Leave him already!" But how many of us have allowed manipulation, even on a small scale? It's much easier to identify unhealthy dynamics in others' relationships than face our own. We continually make excuses for our partners, believing they love us and wouldn't intentionally hurt us. This woman tolerated his behavior because she believed they loved each other—even though he constantly left her questioning herself. He continued acting inappropriately because he knew he'd get away with it. She might complain and get angry, but she'd remain by his side, and he didn't want to lose her. However, the relationship eventually ended when she caught him in bed with another woman in their home. Her worst fears were confirmed, and only then could she finally leave him. More often than not, even when excitement, passion, and intimacy disappear in a relationship, replaced by complacency, contempt, and distance, people still prefer to stay. They know things aren't like they used to be and can't fix them, so they settle for a lackluster life together missing everything they once enjoyed. This isn't what they signed up for, but leaving feels too difficult to contemplate. Infidelity devastates relationships and is incredibly difficult to overcome. With therapy, some couples rebuild their relationship in new ways. But many concerns aren't about cheating—they're accumulations of small things that question the connection's longevity. In a way, continuing the daily routine you've both grown accustomed to, enjoying occasional intimate moments, seems easier. You might make a great team working together to raise a family. Perhaps you're best friends, helping and supporting each other when needed. If you have children, splitting up may never be an option as you feel the cost to their stability would be too high. You might stay because you're financially dependent on your partner, or because they're the only love you've ever known. You could stay because you have nowhere else to go or the alternatives aren't feasible. Many couples face this dilemma. They consider breaking up because of excessive conflict, lost attraction, differences of opinion, or outgrowing each other. This list isn't exhaustive—everyone has their own reasons for ending a relationship. When couples discuss breaking up, love enters the conversation frequently: "I love him but don't feel happy anymore." "You don't give up on those you love." "I thought she loved me but she was just using me." "I can't walk out on him. I love him too much." "If she loved me, she wouldn't leave me." Love factors heavily in these conversations, binding us like superglue regardless of how we're handling practical issues or emotions. Love is paramount, but does loving someone mean sacrificing your wellbeing, mental health, physical safety, and happiness for it? Does love conquer all? Maybe, but not how you might think. The purest love is unconditional, which confuses many people. When you fall in love because of how someone treats you, who they are, your common interests, shared memories, and physical chemistry, you're falling in love with an idea of how you think love should be. If your partner is kind, sincere, and consistent, you become hooked on their good qualities. This matches your imagination of love with "the one." But when your "one and only" becomes human again, showing faults, imperfections, and annoying habits, they may not seem like your ideal mate anymore. When you see them in daylight's reality, what happens to love? You began with love conditioned on certain qualities, and when those filters fade, you face a real person. That's when authentic love can emerge. Loving someone despite their flaws makes relationships work. Adapting, being flexible, and showing compassion builds love to where it belongs. You might find these flaws too much to accept, which is also part of love—knowing when to walk away without leaving a trail of hurt.

Chapter 7: Love as Action: Practical Ways to Nurture Relationships

George wanted to quit his job and go backpacking around Asia. Stella was unwilling to give up her great career to follow him, even though she truly wanted to be with him. The couple reached a bridge in their relationship they couldn't cross, with neither wanting to compromise their dreams and ambitions. What should they do? Many couples face similar dilemmas—not necessarily about backpacking through Asia, but challenges that test their desire to stay together versus their need to fulfill personal dreams. This is where relationships get tricky. As couples merge into cozy oneness, they easily fall into seeing themselves as a single entity, which might require one or both to sacrifice parts of their lives. You might accept that, depending on your situation and personality. The danger comes when you give up too much and lose your autonomy. Being together in a close, emotionally strong relationship means being able to be apart. This might sound contradictory, but consider this: if you love each other unconditionally, seeing your partner pursue their dreams won't destroy your relationship—mistrust and doubt will. When I first met my wife over ten years ago, I didn't really understand what a mature, meaningful relationship meant. Although I knew what I wanted, I had no idea how to build or maintain it, making the process one of learning and unlearning from day one. First, I had to unlearn old thought patterns from previous experiences, then learn how to fully commit to something benefiting us both. It wasn't easy. In truth, my relationship with my wife results from everything we've both experienced in life until now, individually and as a couple. We bring everything that has made us who we are into our relationship, good or bad. We've had ups and downs like everyone else, and I'd never claim we have a perfect relationship, though it's something we continuously work on. As long as we're both moving in the same direction, we're on the right track. We continue surprising each other with gifts. We still have weekly date nights despite being married. We regularly flirt and tease in the same conversations. We feed each other's mind, body, and soul. We pray for each other's wellbeing when apart. But not every day in our love story is glamorous. To nurture love as action rather than just feeling, consider these practical approaches: First, keep doing the little things—those small acts of care and attention that show your partner they matter. Continue sending those cute text messages like you did at the beginning. Have regular date nights, cook special dinners together, or spend evenings discussing personal dreams without interruptions. Second, disagree fairly. Relationships encounter conflicts, but productive disagreements can actually strengthen your bond. Instead of trying to control who's right or wrong, take control of how you argue by de-escalating tensions. Listen with your heart, not just your ears. Create safe spaces for your partner to express themselves without fear of judgment or criticism. Third, honor intimacy in all its forms—physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. This means showing up authentically, being present, and creating a non-judgmental safe space where relationships deeply flourish. Through this, you experience closeness and connection in all its expressions. Fourth, do the dishes! This isn't literally just about dishes but about establishing balance in your relationship and doing your part to keep things running smoothly. Many couples argue over mundane tasks like whose turn it is to wash dishes, take out trash, cook, or pay bills. These arguments usually indicate deeper issues of feeling unappreciated, disrespected, or unloved. Finally, have the hard talks. Problems delayed are problems multiplied. Having difficult conversations now means fewer regrets later. If you want to deepen your relationship, be prepared to hang out the dirty laundry. How else can you truly know each other? You can only dance around each other's flaws and incompatibilities for so long. Through hard conversations, you'll both learn more about yourselves and emerge with a stronger sense of love and understanding, discovering what's needed to meet each other halfway. Love as action means showing up every day, choosing your partner again and again, and doing the work necessary to maintain a thriving relationship. It's not about grand gestures but consistent care, attention, and willingness to grow together through life's challenges.

Summary

Throughout this journey into authentic love and deeper connections, we've explored how our capacity to form meaningful relationships begins with knowing ourselves. From understanding our attachment patterns formed in childhood to learning the courage of vulnerability, from developing emotional intelligence to recognizing when relationships serve our growth or hinder it—the path to closer love always leads through self-discovery first. Love is not merely a feeling that comes and goes with the wind; it is a practice, a choice, and a way of being. When we approach relationships from wholeness rather than need, we create space for authentic connection to flourish. The most beautiful relationships aren't those free from challenges but those where both partners commit to growing through difficulties together. By understanding that love is a verb requiring daily action, recognizing it as a vibration we can attune to, and embracing it as a way of life that extends beyond romantic partnerships, we transform not just our relationships but our entire experience of being human. As we learn to love ourselves deeply, we discover our boundless capacity to love others authentically—creating connections that nourish rather than deplete, that expand rather than confine, and that reflect the highest truth of who we are. In this sacred space of mutual growth and acceptance, we find that we are never truly closer to another than when we have first come home to ourselves.

About Author

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Vex King

Vex King is the Number 1 Sunday Times Bestselling author of Good Vibes, Good Life, and Healing is the New High. He is also a social media content creator and mind coach. He experienced many challenges when he was growing up: his father died when Vex was just a baby, his family were often homeless and he grew up in troubled neighbourhoods where he regularly experienced violence and racism. Despite this, Vex successfully turned his whole life around and is now leading a revolution for the next generation of spiritual seekers.As a major voice in the world of personal development, Vex shares deep spiritual knowledge in a way that's easy to understand, with stories from his own life, great inspirational quotes and practical solutions.For more inspiration from Vex, follow his popular social media platforms (all @vexking) and sign up to his mailing list at: www.vexking.com

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