Get It

Get It Plot Summary

Introduction

Have you ever wished for a magical wand that could transform difficult conversations into productive ones? Imagine wielding a power that helps you express your desires clearly, navigate tricky discussions confidently, and ultimately get what you want in life. This isn't fantasy—it's about mastering the art of communication. Most of us experience challenging conversations daily. Perhaps you're seeking a promotion, dealing with a difficult colleague, or trying to improve a relationship with a loved one. In these moments, we often feel stuck, unsure how to express our needs without damaging connections or giving our power away. The five essential steps presented in these pages offer a realistic yet magical approach to turning tough conversations into profitable ones. By learning to clarify your desires, choose connection wisely, tune into all ongoing conversations, own your responsibilities, and master your boundaries, you'll develop communication skills that feel like casting spells of enchantment in the real world.

Chapter 1: Clarify Your Real Desires and Needs

Understanding what you truly want is the foundation of effective communication. Often, we think we know what we want, but we haven't taken the time to explore our deeper desires and needs. Without clarity about your true wants, you cannot articulate a clear request in any conversation, and you will not satisfy your deepest cravings. Consider the executive who owned a vacation home in Spain. Despite being divorced with a daughter who barely spoke to him, he insisted on hosting his leadership team at his summer house. Upon arrival, he demanded a kayak be delivered immediately, only to watch it get stolen hours later. Later, he insisted they all go clubbing at 11 PM, only to discover empty venues. The next day, determined to buy another kayak, he proclaimed, "We must kayak!" When a team member suggested they relax instead, walk through town, and have their strategy meeting on the patio, the executive initially resisted. By evening, enjoying their sun-kissed discussions over dessert, he declared, "I told you this place was magical!" This executive didn't really want a kayak or nightclub adventures. What he truly desired was connection—fellowship with people who would support him despite his personal failures. He wanted people who cared about his business as much as he did. Most profoundly, he longed to be accepted and respected—needs no kayak or nightclub could fulfill, but that greater self-awareness might have helped him achieve directly. To discover your real desires, start by examining competing commitments. You might want a promotion and more money, but also job security. You may desire growth while simultaneously craving certainty and comfort. These competing desires create friction that prevents clear action. One of our greatest human needs is avoiding discomfort, which makes us hesitate before leaving our current "cave" for a potentially better one. When diving deeper into your wants, focus on what will truly fulfill you rather than surface desires. Many people create lists of criteria for their ideal partner, job, or lifestyle, but these surface wants can become dangerous traps. You might find someone who meets all your checklist items but fulfills none of your deeper requirements for connection, understanding, and growth. The path to getting what you really want requires letting go of how it must happen. Be open to multiple ways your desires might manifest. Matt wanted children for years, but ended up marrying a woman with two children and then adopting a baby together. Kate dreamed of writing a novel, but found fulfillment through a successful blog reaching thousands. When you grip the reins too tightly about how your want must manifest, you prevent potentially wonderful outcomes from unfolding.

Chapter 2: Choose Connection or Power Wisely

In every relationship, you face a fundamental choice: seek connection or seek power. These two aims rarely go together, and your choice dramatically affects whether you get what you want, especially in your most intimate relationships. Sean witnessed this dynamic when visiting a couple with his friend. During their conversation, the wife suddenly asked him, "Don't you think you should be able to follow your dreams?" After Sean agreed, she continued, "And don't you think if that dream involves teaching the word of God it should be extra sacred?" The conversation took an unexpected turn as she revealed her frustration about being the family's sole provider with an MBA while her husband couldn't keep a job. She felt this prevented her from pursuing her dream of teaching young adults about Christianity. Sean noticed the husband's face shift almost imperceptibly, revealing vulnerability and pain before quickly masking it with stoicism. The husband changed the subject by asking, "You guys following the Olympics?" In that moment, Sean observed a passive-aggressive power play being won, but their connection was lost. When both people in a relationship crave power, they often destroy one another. In power plays, solving problems becomes about being "right" or winning, not understanding. Someone must be wrong for you to be right. Someone must lose for you to win. The wants and desires of others take a back seat to your wants because your desires matter more. This approach rarely leads to getting what you truly want long-term. Conversely, relationships thrive when both people prioritize connection. This doesn't mean agreeing on everything or never arguing. It means staying open and curious about your partner's needs and wants, respecting differences, and constructively addressing conflicts. When you seek connection, you focus on understanding your partner's desires, expressing your own needs, and problem-solving together. You compromise, take turns, or find an equilibrium acceptable to both parties. If you're experiencing disconnection in a relationship, identify the specific type of disconnection: Do you feel unloved? Disrespected? Unheard? Misunderstood? Then ask yourself what needs to happen for you to feel restored, and what actions you need to take. Sometimes this means using your personal power to assert your needs while still seeking connection. Remember that taking small steps toward reconnection is better than taking no steps at all. In professional relationships, using your personal power effectively means establishing boundaries, communicating effectively, and developing healthy interactions. When someone makes a power play at work, respond by remembering that titles don't define worth, and by keeping your ego in check. Rather than fighting against power plays, learn to flow with them using responses that reduce tension: "Thanks for the feedback. I'll take your recommendations under advisement," or "You've shared three different priorities. Which one should I prioritize first?"

Chapter 3: Tune Into All Ongoing Conversations

Sean was incensed listening to his daughter Leila describe her basketball game over the phone. Her coach played favorites with his own daughter, Tammy, starting her in games despite missing practices. What pushed Sean over the edge was learning the coach had publicly shamed Leila after their game, blaming her turnover for almost costing them the win—despite her scoring eighteen points. Leila wanted to report the coach to the athletic director, but Sean knew they needed to consider all the conversations that would be happening before "waltzing into Martin's office." In any conversation, multiple dialogues are happening simultaneously: the conversation between you and another person, the conversation in your head, and the conversation in their head. If you're not aware of all these conversations, things can get messy or blindside you. One of the most common internal conversations occurring during external dialogue is the "Ego Hook." When Bill tells his boss Doug that their colleague Tom is "an idiot," Doug might be thinking, "You think Tom is an idiot. I hired Tom. Maybe you're suggesting I'm an idiot too." Instead of staying open-minded and problem-solving with Bill, Doug's defenses rise because his ego is threatened. When an ego is threatened, it wants answers to three questions: Am I competent? Am I a good person? Am I still respected, accepted, or loved? Your ego can also get hooked when you're giving difficult news. If you perceive yourself as "the nice person," you might soften feedback or avoid ending a relationship to protect your self-image. Similarly, when receiving criticism, your ego might get defensive if the feedback contradicts your self-perception. In these moments, ask yourself whether there's truth in what the person is saying, and recognize that one misstep doesn't define your entire identity. To navigate these multi-layered conversations successfully, Sean prepared an agenda focusing on shared values: "How might we define a 'winning basketball team' both on and off the court?" He carefully considered how to help Leila address her concerns without triggering defensive reactions from the coach or athletic director. Sean knew they needed to acknowledge that everyone was the hero of their own movie—each person starring in their unique narrative—and that successfully getting what they wanted required understanding and respecting these different perspectives. When entering someone else's "movie," consider starting with their desired outcome rather than your own. Instead of barging into a colleague's office saying "I want to talk about my project," try, "Since you're meeting with the client tomorrow, I thought I'd give you a brief update so you can be fully prepared." By making the conversation about their needs first, you increase the likelihood of getting what you want. A powerful technique for checking perspectives is saying "I have this story in my head..." This phrase acknowledges that your perception might not be reality and creates space for clarification. Rather than accusing someone with "You don't want to hang out with us anymore," try "I have this story in my head that you don't want to hang out with us anymore. I wanted to check if there's any truth to that."

Chapter 4: Own Your Responsibility and Clear the Air

A senior executive vice president once faced an awkward conversation when the company's VP of sales decided to swim naked at a client's pool party. Initially, she assumed this would be grounds for dismissal, but the CEO informed her that the VP was a "sacred cow" who couldn't be fired. Rather than reacting impulsively, she asked strategic questions to better understand her parameters: "Can you define 'reprimand'? What changed behaviors are we expecting? How much authority do I have to ensure commitment?" During her subsequent meeting with the skinny-dipper, she asked, "If roles were reversed, how would you respond?" He replied, "Knowing I just saw you naked, I think I'd be responding with a smile." After this inappropriate comment, she firmly redirected: "Not appropriate. But that seems to be your theme this week. How do you expect the company to respond to your choices?" By the end of their forty-minute conversation, he was doing 90% of the talking and sounding contrite. We all make mistakes, and owning our missteps is essential to getting what we want. When you've erred, keep your response short and simple: "My bad. My fault. I own this one." When appropriate, apologize sincerely without defensive explanations. If someone calls you out for being late, respond first with "I was late. I apologize," before adding context about why it happened. The "De-stink Technique" is a powerful two-line method for defusing tension when someone is upset with you. First, identify and support their concern by laying down your defenses. Second, ask for help. For example, if your spouse complains, "You threw away lettuce again!" instead of getting defensive, respond with "Throwing away lettuce frustrates me too. Will you help me?" This response acknowledges their feelings, aligns yourself with them, and redirects toward problem-solving. Sometimes your internal struggles prevent you from getting what you want. The belief "I don't deserve it" encourages settling for mediocrity. Challenge limiting beliefs like "I'm not worthy of my wants" or "I'm not meant for more" by examining their origins. Many negative stories were passed to you by others, while positive, affirming stories helped develop your sense of self-worth. Identifying which beliefs serve you and which hold you back is crucial for creating the life you desire. When someone's sharing complaints or problems without clear purpose, ask "And you're sharing this with me in the hope that I do what?" This question puts the responsibility for thinking and problem-solving back on them. It shifts the conversation to better understand their desires and helps you set boundaries around your time and energy. For those genuinely seeking support, you can respond more compassionately with "It means a lot that you shared this with me. How might I best support you? What do you need most right now?"

Chapter 5: Master Your Boundaries and Response Lines

When I was thirteen, I got fired from my first job at a clothing store for allegedly stealing. The cash register drawer got stuck, and I was trying to fix it by inserting my hand when the manager caught me. Though innocent, I didn't know how to articulate my case effectively. I felt abandoned by my classmate who didn't speak up, betrayed by a malfunctioning cash drawer, and let down by my own lack of confidence to speak for myself. Having physical reactions during tough conversations is normal—your throat constricting or chest tightening shows you care. It's also natural to have emotional responses that aren't perfectly mature. What matters is how you express these emotions. When your friend announces a professional achievement and you feel envious, you could respond snarkily, "That's a paid award program, right?" Or you could acknowledge your envy internally, deal with it later, and respond supportively: "Dude! Congrats! First round is on me!" Humor can defuse tension effectively, as long as it's self-deprecating or unifying, never at someone's expense. During salary negotiations between a CEO and regional president that reached a stalemate, the regional president broke the awkward silence by saying, "All I ask is for the chance to prove that lots of money can't make me happy." Everyone laughed, the conversation resumed, and he got what he wanted—even more than anticipated. To maintain momentum in critical conversations, make clear offers or requests. Be straightforward rather than padding your asks with unnecessary apologies or explanations. Your offers and requests must be sincere, not manipulative. A teenage daughter once manipulated her father using a baby voice and whining until he gave in. The next day when she tried the same approach, he took away her allowance and grounded her—demonstrating that manipulative tactics often backfire. After making an offer or request, implement "the power of pause." Stay silent to give the other person space to consider their options, weigh consequences, and form their response. Your silence creates room for possibility. Following your ask with more explaining or rationalizing can undermine your chances of success. Preparing for tough conversations is crucial. Just as you wouldn't travel without reservations or plans, don't "wing" important discussions. Role-play potential scenarios, anticipate responses, and rehearse your key lines. For critical conversations, consider putting reminder cards with "HURT" and "HELP" in front of you—your words will either hurt or help the situation, with no middle ground. Drawing boundaries is essential for getting what you want. Start with the fundamental phrase "No, thank you." Before refusing a request, ask yourself what you're saying yes to instead—perhaps more time with family, less stress, or greater self-respect. Understanding what you're affirming makes saying no easier. A powerful question for helping others see consequences is "What happens when...?" This repercussion question helps people visualize outcomes they want to avoid. When an administrative assistant complained about her boss ignoring her, I suggested she ask him, "What happens when your schedule is double-booked?" Once he articulated his frustration with calendar conflicts, she could offer the solution: "This is why meeting for five minutes weekly is so important—it guarantees this never happens." This technique works beautifully in parenting ("What happens when you forget your permission slip?"), sales ("What happens when this valve leaks?"), and self-motivation ("What happens when I don't speak up?"). By helping others see the consequences they wish to avoid, you guide them toward the solution you're proposing—getting you both what you want.

Summary

Your wants are not the problem—they keep you alive and drive your actions. The question is: how are you relating to your wanting? Accept the presence of your wanting self without pushing desires away or acting impulsively. When you neither desperately cling to wants nor resist them, you can untangle your desires and satisfy your deepest needs. Remember that your life unfolds one conversation at a time. As the book wisely states, "The life you desire is on the other side of a tough conversation." When conversations are navigated successfully using these five steps, they become highly profitable, yielding exactly what you long for. Even when you don't get everything you want immediately, you're planting seeds that will grow with patience and persistence. Today, choose one tough conversation you've been avoiding and apply these steps: clarify what you truly want, decide whether to seek connection or power, tune into all ongoing conversations, own your responsibilities, and know your lines. Your magical communication wand is already in your hands—it's time to start casting your spells.

About Author

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AmyK Hutchens

A former executive of a billion-dollar global consumer products company and awarded the Vistage UK, International Speaker of the Year, AmyK is a dynamic, energetic catalyst for driving businesses forward faster. With 100+ presentations per year, AmyK travels the globe sharing with executives, influencers and go-getters HOW to confidently & competently navigate their toughest conversations without saying something they regret, giving their power away or damaging their relationships. With humor, insight and experience she engages and inspires audiences to master the The Power of Profitable Conversations. Learn more about AmyK at www.amyk.com . Follow AmyK on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter at @AmyKHutchens.

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