Managing Up

Managing Up Plot Summary

Introduction

In today's workplace, success isn't just about doing your job well—it's about effectively navigating relationships with those above you in the organizational hierarchy. While countless resources focus on managing teams, far fewer address the critical skill of managing upward. Yet this ability to strategically influence and collaborate with your boss can make the difference between career stagnation and advancement. Managing up isn't about manipulation or flattery. It's about understanding your manager's communication style, work preferences, and priorities, then adapting your approach to create productive partnerships. When you master this skill, you transform potentially challenging boss relationships into opportunities for growth. Whether you're dealing with a micromanager, an absent leader, or someone with a completely different personality type, the strategies in this guide will help you navigate these dynamics with confidence and turn workplace challenges into stepping stones for your success.

Chapter 1: Decode Your Boss's Communication Style

Understanding your boss's communication style is the foundation of effective upward management. At its core, this means recognizing whether your manager is an "Innie" (introvert) or an "Outie" (extrovert), as these fundamental preferences drive how they process information, make decisions, and interact with their team. Roger struggled with his boss Carol, whom he described as uncommunicative and distant. "She doesn't communicate. She sits in her office with the door closed. We have no idea what she is thinking," Roger complained. He initially interpreted Carol's behavior as poor management rather than recognizing it as introversion. During a workshop, Roger learned that Carol's introverted tendencies weren't personal—they reflected her energy needs and processing style. With this insight, Roger began taking initiative to schedule regular check-ins and asking more specific questions during their interactions. The transformation was remarkable. Once Roger stopped judging Carol's introversion as a flaw and instead adapted his approach, their working relationship improved significantly. He became proactive about his needs—scheduling meetings, preparing questions in advance, and providing Carol with information in formats that worked for her introverted style. "Once I let go of being frustrated and judging her for what she 'should do' and how she 'should be,' I was able to be more empathetic, creative, and thoughtful in my dealings with her," Roger reflected. For extroverted bosses, the approach needs to be different. These leaders tend to think out loud, enjoy face-to-face interactions, and process information through conversation. If your boss is an extrovert, make time for in-person discussions, engage actively in brainstorming sessions, and recognize that their verbal processing doesn't always represent final decisions. When dealing with extroverted managers, speak up, participate energetically, and don't rely too heavily on email for important communications. The key is to adapt your communication style to complement your boss's preferences. With introverted bosses, provide advance notice of topics, respect their need for processing time, and embrace electronic communication. For extroverted bosses, make time for face-to-face interactions, participate actively in discussions, and clarify action items at the end of conversations. By meeting your manager where they are most comfortable, you create a foundation for productive collaboration.

Chapter 2: Build Trust Through Strategic Adaptability

Strategic adaptability means understanding your boss's workstyle personality and modifying your approach accordingly. This isn't about changing who you are fundamentally, but rather about recognizing that different people operate with different internal drivers, and adjusting how you interact to create the most productive partnership possible. Veronica, a chief operating officer at an animal welfare organization, worked for Heather, whom she described as "a smart, energetic, hard-driving, no-nonsense, just-get-it-done kind of person." Their relationship was complex—Heather drove results impressively but could be extremely demanding. "She drives us hard all the time," Veronica explained. "When I first started, she said to me: 'I know you can do more than you think you can do, and I'm going to push you and there are times when I'm going to tell you to do stuff that you don't want to do, you don't think you can do, but I'm going to make you do it.'" Heather even explicitly stated, "We are not friends," making it clear that their relationship would be strictly professional. Initially, Veronica struggled with Heather's direct, results-focused approach. But rather than resisting, she began adapting strategically. She started showing up to meetings thoroughly prepared with lists of topics aligned with Heather's priorities. She took initiative, anticipated needs, and learned to move at Heather's fast pace. "I also got in the habit of always being prepared and organized, thinking ahead of time what her questions were going to be or anticipating next steps," Veronica explained. The results of this strategic adaptation were transformative. Over time, Heather began to see Veronica as a partner rather than just a subordinate. "While she's definitely still the boss, there's no doubt around that, she now engages me more like a peer," Veronica noted. Their relationship evolved to the point where Veronica could provide honest feedback when others wouldn't dare. Most importantly, Veronica recognized that Heather had become "the most influential boss I've ever had" precisely because she pushed Veronica beyond her comfort zone. To build trust through strategic adaptability, first identify your boss's workstyle personality—whether they're an Advancer (task-focused, fast-paced), an Energizer (people-focused, enthusiastic), an Evaluator (detail-oriented, methodical), or a Harmonizer (relationship-focused, collaborative). Then adapt your approach accordingly: speed up for Advancers, show enthusiasm with Energizers, provide thorough information for Evaluators, and focus on team cohesion with Harmonizers. Remember that adaptability isn't about sacrificing your authenticity—it's about choosing behaviors that allow your authentic self to connect effectively with others. By understanding and adapting to your boss's workstyle, you create the foundation for a trusting, productive relationship that benefits both of you.

Chapter 3: Master the Art of Productive Feedback

Productive feedback flows in both directions—receiving it gracefully from your boss and providing it constructively when appropriate. The key is understanding how to navigate these exchanges in ways that strengthen rather than damage your professional relationship. Lisa found herself in an uncomfortable situation when her friendly relationship with her boss Wendy crossed professional boundaries. What started as occasional lunches evolved into frequent after-work drinks, weekend activities, and personal confidences. While Lisa initially enjoyed the friendship, she soon realized it was creating problems. Her colleagues made snide remarks about her being "Wendy's favorite," and she felt increasingly uncomfortable with Wendy's oversharing and neediness. "I'd walk into the break room and all the conversation would stop," Lisa recalled, noting how her special relationship with the boss was isolating her from teammates. Lisa needed to reset boundaries without damaging her professional relationship with Wendy. After careful consideration, she chose a gradual approach rather than a direct conversation that might embarrass her boss. She began limiting personal time together, inviting others to join their lunches, redirecting gossip conversations, and responding less immediately to non-work texts. "It was a delicate balancing act, but Lisa managed to pull it off," the case study notes. "Soon, she was enjoying better relationships with her colleagues, and, while she was still friendly with Wendy, she had extricated herself from the BFF trap." This situation highlights the importance of maintaining appropriate feedback channels with your boss. When personal relationships blur professional boundaries, feedback becomes complicated. One of the biggest dangers of an overly friendly boss relationship is the lack of honest performance feedback, as friends typically avoid criticizing each other. To master productive feedback, proactively ask for specific input on your work. Frame requests in terms of improvement rather than validation: "What could I do more of, less of, or differently next time?" When providing feedback upward, choose the right time and approach. Present observations objectively, connect them to business outcomes, and offer solutions rather than complaints. Always frame upward feedback as supporting your boss's goals. Remember that feedback should be a continuous loop, not a one-time event. Regular check-ins prevent small issues from becoming major problems. By establishing clear boundaries and maintaining professional communication channels, you create an environment where productive feedback can flow naturally in both directions, strengthening your working relationship and advancing your career.

Chapter 4: Navigate Difficult Personalities With Confidence

Every workplace has challenging personalities, and learning to navigate them effectively is essential for professional success. Whether you're dealing with a micromanager, a narcissist, or a completely absent boss, understanding the underlying drivers of their behavior allows you to respond strategically rather than reactively. Mia, a program director at a medium-sized non-profit, found herself suffocating under her boss's micromanagement. Despite being an experienced professional, Mia wasn't allowed to make any decisions independently. "Every memo, every project, and every programmatic decision had to be reviewed and approved," she explained. The constant scrutiny was crushing her spirit and preventing her from utilizing her expertise. Rather than continuing to resist, Mia decided to implement a strategic approach. She began providing daily memos listing all her projects, their status, and any challenges she was facing. Initially, her boss would respond with "See me!" written in red, making Mia fear her strategy had backfired. However, she soon realized the issue was the order of projects in her memo. "Mia quickly revamped her daily project memo and started listing the projects and tasks that she knew her boss cared about the most first," the case study explains. The impact was immediate and transformative. The "See me" messages stopped, and over time, Mia was able to decrease the frequency of her updates from daily to weekly. By anticipating her boss's needs and proactively addressing them, Mia gradually earned the trust and autonomy she needed. "Mia is convinced that it was these consistent updates and attention to her boss's priorities that gained her the freedom and autonomy that she wanted and needed," the account concludes. When navigating difficult personalities, the first step is identifying the specific behavior pattern—whether it's micromanagement, narcissism, impulsivity, or another challenging trait. Then, understand what drives that behavior. Micromanagers often act from insecurity or perfectionism. Narcissists need constant validation. Absent bosses may be overwhelmed or disinterested. Once you understand the driver, implement targeted strategies. For micromanagers, provide regular updates and demonstrate reliability. With narcissists, frame suggestions in terms of how they benefit them. For absent bosses, take initiative and document your work. The key is to adapt your approach to the specific personality challenge rather than using a one-size-fits-all strategy. Remember that navigating difficult personalities isn't about changing your boss—it's about changing how you interact with them. By responding strategically rather than emotionally, you maintain your professional effectiveness even in challenging relationships.

Chapter 5: Transform Challenges into Career Opportunities

The most successful professionals don't just survive difficult workplace situations—they leverage them as catalysts for growth and advancement. By reframing challenges as opportunities, you can extract valuable lessons and position yourself for future success. Casey, a young architectural designer, found herself working for Susan, a new partner at her firm who was struggling to deliver results. Initially, Casey was resentful about constantly having to save her boss from her own incompetence. "Casey went to work every day feeling angry, resentful, and even competitive with her boss," the case study notes. However, after reflection, Casey realized her attitude was making the situation worse and blinding her to potential opportunities. With a shift in perspective, Casey put herself in Susan's shoes and imagined how difficult it must be to join a new firm and feel like you're failing. "Wow," Casey said, "now I actually feel kind of bad for her. That would suck. If it were me, I'd be really questioning my self-worth and competency." This empathy transformed Casey's approach. Instead of being Susan's antagonist, she became her ally, helping her learn the organization and offering technical support where Susan was weak. The results were remarkable. Not only did Casey improve her relationship with Susan, but the other partners noticed her problem-solving abilities and leadership potential. "Casey is now on partnership track herself," the case study reveals. "And it all started with a simple shifting of perspective." To transform workplace challenges into opportunities, start by identifying the learning potential in difficult situations. Working with a micromanager can teach you attention to detail and thorough communication. A hands-off boss provides space to develop self-direction and initiative. Even the most challenging personalities offer valuable lessons about leadership—often by showing you what not to do. Next, look for ways to fill gaps created by your boss's limitations. If your manager is disorganized, demonstrate your organizational skills. If they're technically weak, offer your expertise. By complementing rather than competing with your boss, you position yourself as an asset to the entire organization. Finally, document your contributions and results. Keep track of projects where you've added value, problems you've solved, and initiatives you've led. This documentation not only helps during performance reviews but also provides concrete examples for future job interviews. By approaching challenges with a growth mindset, you transform potential career obstacles into stepping stones for advancement.

Chapter 6: Know When to Stay and When to Go

Sometimes the most important career decision is knowing when to persist in a challenging situation and when to move on. This judgment requires honest self-assessment, clear understanding of your values, and strategic evaluation of both your current position and future opportunities. Eric, a successful fundraising director for a non-profit, found himself working for a new executive director named Nancy who quickly revealed herself to be "an emotional bully, an extreme Micromanager, and very impulsive." Despite Eric's attempts to make the relationship work, Nancy remained difficult and unpredictable. The national organization valued Eric but wasn't willing to choose him over Nancy, as the search for her had been too expensive and time-consuming. Eric initially resisted leaving. "I was attached to the mission and to the fund-raising program that I had built," he explained. "I had spent too much time, energy, passion, and creativity in that organization to walk away." This attachment to what economists call "sunk costs"—resources already spent that cannot be recovered—kept Eric in an unhappy situation far longer than was beneficial for his career. Eventually, Eric had a realization: "It took me way too long to realize that by choosing to stay and work for Nancy—who wasn't going anywhere—that I was passing up an opportunity to find success and happiness elsewhere. My attachment to making the most out of my past effort was blocking me from stepping into my future." This insight highlights a crucial principle: sometimes the smartest career move is to let go of past investments and focus on future opportunities. When evaluating whether to stay or go, consider both practical and emotional factors. Assess your physical and emotional well-being—persistent Sunday night dread, constant anxiety, or deteriorating health are serious warning signs. Evaluate whether you're still learning and growing, or merely surviving. Consider whether your values align with the organization and your boss. If you decide to leave, do so professionally. Give proper notice, document your work for transition, and avoid burning bridges. During interviews, refrain from badmouthing your previous employer, as this reflects poorly on your professionalism. Frame your departure in terms of seeking new opportunities rather than escaping problems. Remember that quitting isn't failure—it's often a strategic career move that opens doors to better opportunities. As the book notes, "From an economic standpoint, staying in a position with a boss who makes you miserable means you are losing twice: you are doubling down on your entire cost structure by adding your sunk cost (time spent in that position) with your opportunity cost (the cost of future happiness, growth, and joy)."

Summary

Throughout this exploration of managing up, we've discovered that success in the workplace isn't just about technical skills—it's about strategically navigating relationships, especially with those who have influence over your career trajectory. As the author wisely notes, "Managing up is about you taking charge of your workplace experience." This fundamental shift in perspective transforms you from a passive recipient of your boss's management style to an active architect of your professional journey. The path forward is clear: assess your boss's communication style and workstyle personality, adapt strategically to build trust, master productive feedback exchanges, navigate difficult personalities with confidence, transform challenges into opportunities, and know when to persist and when to move on. Start today by identifying one aspect of your relationship with your boss that could be improved, then implement a specific strategy from this guide. Remember that managing up isn't about manipulation—it's about creating productive partnerships that benefit you, your boss, and your organization. By taking charge of these crucial workplace relationships, you position yourself not just to survive but to truly thrive in your career.

About Author

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Mary Abbajay

Mary Abbajay is an acclaimed and sought after author, public speaker, organizational consultant, facilitator, trainer, and author. She is the author of Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss, published by Wiley Press. Mary is also president and founder of Careerstone Group, LLC, a woman-owned professional development consultancy that delivers leading-edge talent and organizational development solutions.

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