Partnering

Partnering Plot Summary

Introduction

On a chilly autumn evening in Johannesburg, Nelson Mandela sat in his living room with his wife, Graça Machel, surrounded by binders containing the biographies of potential candidates for a new peace initiative called The Elders. The author, alongside Richard Branson, watched as Mandela meticulously reviewed each profile, sharing stories that revealed deep personal connections with leaders like Archbishop Tutu and Kofi Annan. The room was filled with an electric energy of purpose, respect, and profound human connection. In that moment, the author realized something profound – the path to a meaningful life lies not in individual achievement but in the deep connections we nurture with others. These connections become the foundation for our greatest impact in the world. This insight sparked a fifteen-year exploration involving interviews with over sixty extraordinary partnerships across business, activism, science, art, and public service. From Ben and Jerry who transformed ice cream into a vehicle for social change, to André Borschberg and Bertrand Piccard who circumnavigated the globe in a solar-powered plane, to the scientists who saved humanity from ozone depletion – the common thread wasn't individual genius but rather the depth and quality of their relationships. These relationships weren't accidents of fate but intentionally cultivated connections built on six fundamental principles that anyone can learn and apply to transform their own relationships, organizations, and ultimately, their impact on the world.

Chapter 1: Six Degrees of Connection: A Framework for Transformative Partnerships

Professor Frank Sherwood Rowland walked in the front door of his home. His wife, Joan, still remembers how he responded when she asked how work had been. "It's going really well," he told her. "The only trouble is, I think it's the end of the world." As a chemistry professor at the University of California, Irvine, Rowland and his postdoctoral student Mario Molina had made a frightening discovery in 1974: chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) – chemicals found in everyday products from refrigerators to hairspray – were destroying the Earth's protective ozone layer. This invisible shield protects all life from the sun's deadly ultraviolet radiation. Without it, skin cancer rates would skyrocket, immune systems would be compromised, and ecosystems would collapse. Despite the magnitude of their discovery, when they published their findings in the scientific journal Nature, almost nobody wanted to believe them. The $8 billion CFC industry attacked their research and questioned their motives. Even fellow scientists criticized them for stepping beyond academic research into advocacy. Yet Rowland and Molina knew they couldn't remain silent. "What's the use of having developed a science well enough to make predictions if, in the end, all we're willing to do is stand around and wait for them to come true?" Rowland remarked. Their partnership formed the nucleus of what would become a global movement to save the ozone layer. Over years of relentless advocacy, they built alliances with other scientists, diplomats, and policymakers, eventually leading to the Montreal Protocol in 1987 – the first universally ratified treaty in United Nations history. This treaty banned CFCs worldwide and set humanity on a path to healing the ozone layer. Through examining this partnership and dozens of others, a consistent framework emerged – what the author calls the Six Degrees of Connection. This framework starts with "Something Bigger" – a shared purpose that transcends individual interests. Then comes "All-In" – a mutual commitment to have each other's backs for the long run. The third degree, "The Ecosystem," involves daily practice of essential virtues like trust and respect. Fourth is "Magnetic Moments" – intentional practices and rituals that keep partners connected. Fifth, "Celebrate Friction" transforms conflict into growth. Finally, "Collective Connections" allows these partnerships to scale their impact. Together, these degrees provide a roadmap for building relationships that can literally change the world.

Chapter 2: Something Bigger: Finding Purpose Through Meaningful Relationships

The day was hot and oppressive as Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his wife Leah attended yet another funeral for a victim of South Africa's brutal apartheid regime. They had been to so many of these funerals, each one adding weight to their spirits. Yet as they walked home hand in hand, there was no despair between them, only a quiet resolve strengthened by their shared purpose. For over sixty years, Arch and Leah Tutu stood together against the tyranny of apartheid. When one was down, the other lifted them back up. Their partnership was forged in the crucible of injustice and tempered by unwavering mutual support. "At one time," Archbishop Tutu recalled during an interview, "one of the apartheid government ministers said, 'The problem with Desmond Tutu is that he talks too much,' and so when I got home that day, I said to Leah, 'Do you want me to keep quiet or what? Do you think I talk too much?' She said she would much rather I be captured and happy on Robben Island than free and quiet outside." The Archbishop went on to share that despite receiving standing ovations for his speeches around the world, he remained "on edge" until Leah gave her assessment: "Oh, that was not so bad." Their partnership transcended romance; it was a force of unconditional love, joy, and compassion directed toward ending apartheid and fighting for human dignity. Their connection enabled them to accomplish far more together than either could have alone. This shared purpose – this "Something Bigger" – is what distinguishes truly transformative partnerships from merely functional ones. The author found it wasn't just the Tutus; all the successful partnerships studied had something bigger at their core. For Christiana and José María Figueres, siblings who helped craft the Paris Climate Agreement, it was protecting the planet. For Erika Boyd and Kirsten Ussery of Detroit Vegan Soul, it was breaking the cycle of diet-related diseases in their community after Erika's father died partly due to poor nutrition. Purpose can take different forms in different partnerships. Some share a common mission, like Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield revolutionizing business ethics through ice cream. Others support each other's individual callings, like Chris Anderson curating TED while his wife Jacqueline Novogratz builds Acumen to fight poverty. What matters isn't the specific purpose but that it transcends individual interests and connects to something that makes a difference in the world. This shared commitment to purpose makes partnerships resilient, giving them something to return to when conflicts arise. The beauty of finding purpose through deep connection is that it doesn't require extraordinary circumstances. It can be lived daily through simple choices, as the author's father demonstrated through his career at Sears. He treated every person with kindness and respect, building relationships that transformed a "pile of concrete and glass" into a thriving community. His purposeful connections with colleagues, customers, and family illustrate that meaningful impact isn't about grand gestures – it's about bringing purpose to our everyday interactions, making each moment matter.

Chapter 3: All-In: Building Trust and Unconditional Support

When André Borschberg and Bertrand Piccard decided to fly around the world in a solar-powered plane, they knew their success – indeed their survival – would depend entirely on their partnership. Five days into André's perilous solo flight across the Pacific Ocean from Japan to Hawaii, an alarm sounded. The plane had developed a critical electrical malfunction. The ground team urged him to turn back. André and Bertrand needed to make a life-or-death decision quickly. They connected via satellite phone and methodically discussed the risks. Despite the tension around them, their conversation remained calm and focused, grounded in complete trust. After considering all angles, they made their decision: continue the flight. Five days later, André successfully landed in Hawaii, having completed the longest solo flight in aviation history. Their partnership had been tested at its most extreme, and it held. This level of being "all-in" – knowing with absolute certainty that your partner has your back – is the second crucial element in transformative partnerships. Jacqueline Novogratz, founder of Acumen, calls it "making a commitment to the commitment." It creates a home base from which partners can take greater risks, knowing someone will catch them if they fall. President Jimmy Carter and his wife Rosalynn demonstrate this principle through their seven-decade marriage. In an interview, they spoke with disarming honesty about nearly divorcing while writing a book together called Everything to Gain: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life. The irony wasn't lost on them. Their disagreement about details of their shared history became so heated that they stopped speaking directly, communicating only through notes left on a computer in their kitchen. The situation was only resolved when their editor suggested each could present their own version of events in the book, marked with their initials. What kept them together through this crisis and countless others was their unwavering commitment to each other and their shared mission. "Well, usually when we fail it's a common failure," President Carter explained. "If we fail, we just do the best that we can, and we learn from that experience." They understood that partnerships aren't about perfection – they're about weathering difficulties together and coming back to center. Sometimes the most profound all-in partnerships emerge across the deepest divides. After his 20-year-old son Tariq was murdered by 14-year-old Tony Hicks during a gang initiation, Azim Khamisa did something unimaginable – he reached out to Tony's grandfather, Ples Felix, with forgiveness rather than hatred. From this tragedy, Azim and Ples forged a deep friendship dedicated to preventing youth violence. "I think it is important in any partnership that it has to transcend cognitive and even emotional connection," Azim shared. "It has to get to that deep spiritual connection for you to sustain, for you to be trusting, for you to be respectful, for you to be able to look at conflict as an opportunity to be able to create love and unity." Being all-in doesn't mean losing your identity – it means finding freedom through unconditional support. This safety creates space for vulnerability, growth, and the pursuit of bold dreams that would be impossible alone. It is, as Keith Yamashita puts it, "the courage to love before being loved," with the confidence that such courage always returns more than it risks.

Chapter 4: The Ecosystem: Cultivating Virtues That Sustain Connection

When Jonathan Shanklin, a young scientist with the British Antarctic Survey, first joined Joseph Farman's research team, he was skeptical about the dangers of chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs). "Well, that's a load of rubbish," he remarked. "How on Earth can aerosol cans possibly destroy the ozone layer?" Determined to prove this theory wrong, he began analyzing atmospheric data collected since 1956. What he found instead shocked him – a dramatic decline in ozone levels over Antarctica. Together with their colleague Brian Gardiner, they had discovered what we now call the "ozone hole." This discovery validated the warnings that Sherwood Rowland and Mario Molina had been issuing for years. But knowledge alone wasn't enough – saving the ozone layer would require global cooperation on an unprecedented scale. What made this possible wasn't just scientific data but the ecosystem of virtues that these scientists and their growing network of allies embodied in their daily interactions. Wade Davis and Carroll Dunham, renowned anthropologists who've studied cultures worldwide, explained to the author that human societies survive because they develop collective virtues that transcend individualism. Unfortunately, our modern culture has largely lost this moral ecosystem, becoming obsessed with individual achievement at the expense of collective well-being. "When we liberated the individual from the collective," Davis noted, "that was a sociological equivalent of splitting the atom, and we suddenly cast the individual adrift into a world that could be quite lonely." Through hundreds of hours of interviews, the author identified six interconnected virtues that form the ecosystem of successful partnerships: Enduring Trust, Unshakable Mutual Respect, United Belief, Shared Humility, Nurturing Generosity, and Compassionate Empathy. These aren't abstract ideals but daily practices that become reflexive responses over time. Enduring Trust forms the foundation. At Airbnb, founders Joe Gebbia, Brian Chesky, and Nate Blecharczyk built their entire business model around creating trust between strangers. Unshakable Mutual Respect involves honoring differences rather than seeking mirror images of ourselves. Robert P. George and Cornel West exemplify this virtue – a conservative Christian thinker and a Democratic Socialist who've built a profound friendship across political divides by respecting each other's intellectual integrity. United Belief combines confidence in each other with faith in a shared vision. Archbishop Tutu described how Leah's belief in him sustained his courage during the darkest days of apartheid. Shared Humility acknowledges our limitations and embraces learning from others. The team at Draper Richards Kaplan Foundation embodies this virtue through their commitment to service rather than personal glory. Nurturing Generosity manifests in small daily acts that prioritize giving over taking. Beverly and Dereck Joubert, wildlife conservationists, demonstrate this virtue not just with each other but with the natural world they protect. Finally, Compassionate Empathy goes beyond understanding others' emotions to taking loving action. Anthony Ray Hinton, wrongfully imprisoned on death row for 28 years, practiced this virtue even toward a Ku Klux Klan member imprisoned alongside him, helping transform the man's hatred into love. These virtues create a self-reinforcing ecosystem. When practiced consistently, they become more than good habits – they transform how we see ourselves, our relationships, and our place in the world. They build psychological safety that allows partnerships to weather inevitable storms and accomplish extraordinary things together.

Chapter 5: Magnetic Moments: Rituals That Strengthen Bonds

During the negotiations to implement the Montreal Protocol to protect the ozone layer, Stephen O. Andersen had waited for just the right moment. At the end of a long day of discussions in Paris, he pulled aside the Russian delegation and presented them with a thoughtful gift – a collection of Soviet postage stamps commemorating their early space program achievements. Though not particularly valuable, the stamps were impossible for the Russians to obtain on their own. Many of the scientists had tears in their eyes, and they immediately began sharing stories of their contributions to their country's space program. This simple yet meaningful gesture was one of many "magnetic moments" that Andersen deliberately created to strengthen the bonds within this global community working to save the ozone layer. He routinely recognized individuals publicly for their good work, invited family members to conferences, and created informal spaces where people could build genuine friendships across national and sectoral divides. These moments created a pulse of connection that one participant described as "a bit like when you watch snowboard competitions and they are all high-fiving each other...moving forward by helping each other out rather than competing." Magnetic moments are intentional experiences that allow people to be present together and create space for spontaneity and wonder to flourish. The author discovered that these moments fall into four key categories: joy and play, curiosity and wonder, honest communication, and community building. Far from being frivolous extras, they serve as essential glue that strengthens relationships during both good times and challenging periods. Richard Reed and his cofounders of Innocent Drinks built their entire company culture around such moments. They created the Home Juicing Guarantee, promising to travel to customers' homes and squeeze fresh orange juice if anyone found their product unsatisfactory. Their quarterly team retreats evolved from pub gatherings to Nature Weekends across Europe. They even started the Big Knit, inviting people across the UK to knit tiny hats for their smoothie bottles, with donations for each hat going to Age UK, raising over £2.5 million for elderly support programs. Joy and play form a crucial category of magnetic moments. Despite their serious mission to change the world through connections, Richard Branson and Peter Gabriel never took themselves too seriously. At gatherings for The Elders, they competed to teach Archbishop Tutu how to swim – "Richard's approach was just to throw him in," Peter joked, "whereas mine was to sort of get him into a meditative space, floating with a snorkel." Their playfulness created an atmosphere where world leaders could form deeper bonds than formal meetings would allow. Curiosity and wonder keep partnerships alive and flowing. Stewart Brand and Ryan Phelan, partners in life and in their work to restore extinct species, have breakfast together whenever possible, "reinventing the world" over coffee. Stewart values that "I can't finish her sentences, and I hope she can't finish mine," seeing their differences as a source of constant discovery and growth. Space for honest communication provides opportunities to address tensions before they become problems. Jo Confino and Paz Perlman practice a ritual called Friday Talk, inspired by Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. Each takes uninterrupted time to share the positive things from their week, express any regrets, and raise concerns – all with an open heart and no accusations. This prevents small grievances from calcifying into resentment. Community connections extend the benefits of partnership to wider circles. The Willis family has maintained an open-door policy across generations, welcoming anyone with an open heart into their home. This tradition not only strengthened their family bonds but literally saved Deborah Willis's life when she needed rare blood transfusions as a teenager and her community created a blood bank for her. What makes these magnetic moments powerful isn't their cost or complexity but their intentionality and consistency. They become the storybook of a shared history, pages turned again and again to remind partners why they love each other and what they're building together. In a world of digital distraction and constant busyness, creating space to be fully present with those who matter most isn't just nice – it's necessary for relationships that endure and thrive.

Chapter 6: Celebrate Friction: Transforming Conflict into Growth

When the media began referring to Bertrand Piccard as the founder of Solar Impulse without mentioning André Borschberg, tension inevitably arose in their partnership. The situation grew serious enough that Bertrand's wife, Michèle, nudged him to address it before their relationship fractured. Rather than avoiding the uncomfortable conversation, the two pilots created a safe space to honestly share their feelings without accusations. They realized the situation stemmed not from malicious intent but from circumstance – Bertrand had given over two thousand speeches about exploration before Solar Impulse began, making him a natural spokesman. Together, they developed a solution that elevated them both: André would train Bertrand to be a better pilot, and Bertrand would teach André to be a more effective public speaker. "On the same day André had his first standing ovation as a speaker," Bertrand recalled with a smile, "I was making my first high-altitude flight on Solar Impulse." What Bertrand and André demonstrated was the fifth degree of connection: Celebrate Friction. Rather than seeing conflict as a threat to their relationship, they viewed it as an opportunity for growth – what they called "the sparkles" of learning something new. "Combining our experiences makes a new vision of the world where we can move ahead," Bertrand explained. "We should never be the same after a discussion; otherwise it means we learned nothing." This approach stands in stark contrast to our cultural programming around conflict. Most relationships get trapped in cycles of criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling – what relationship expert John Gottman calls the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" that predict relationship failure. Successful partnerships, however, maintain a ratio of at least five positive interactions to every negative one, even during disagreements. When researching this book, the author was advised to "find the drama, dig into the fights, breakups, and dark side of relationships." Yet across dozens of interviews with successful partners, she found something surprising – not an absence of conflict, but a fundamentally different approach to it. These partners had learned to harness friction gracefully, channeling it toward their shared purpose rather than letting it tear them apart. This skill begins with understanding the "why" behind disagreements. Jim Roth and Andy Kuper of LeapFrog Investments have developed a way of working where they constantly challenge each other, but they've learned to "disagree without being disagreeable." Rather than trying to prove themselves right, they approach discussions with curiosity about the other's perspective. Another powerful approach is asking, "What if the other person is right?" When Cornel West and Robert P. George disagree on political issues, they start by examining their own potential fallibility. "If somebody as brilliant, gifted, and intellectually and morally serious as Cornel thinks such and so," Robert explained, "then it's possible I'm wrong about this and he's right." This intellectual humility creates space for genuine learning. Sometimes, structured guardrails help prevent conflicts from escalating. The Delle brothers, who run investment businesses together, established an independent committee with final decision-making authority to depersonalize potentially divisive investment choices. Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield gave each other veto power over any decision either couldn't live with – a right rarely exercised but crucial to preserving their friendship. Perhaps most surprising was what the author calls "positive amnesia" – the tendency of long-term partners to literally forget their past disagreements. When asked about conflicts, Richard Branson and Peter Gabriel simply couldn't remember any, despite working together for decades. This wasn't denial but forgiveness in action – the ability to resolve issues thoroughly enough that they no longer needed to be carried forward. By embracing these approaches, partners transform what could be relationship-destroying friction into "sparkles" that strengthen their bond and lead to better outcomes. The result isn't bland agreement but a richer, more dynamic connection capable of weathering life's inevitable storms.

Chapter 7: Collective Connections: Scaling Impact Through Collaboration

British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher was initially skeptical about reports of damage to the ozone layer. But after spending a weekend reviewing scientific briefings, including data from the British scientists who discovered the ozone hole, she underwent a remarkable transformation. As a trained chemist herself, she understood the evidence and immediately became a powerful advocate for global action. At a conference in London in 1989, Thatcher challenged other nations: "We need to go further and act faster, to accept higher targets and shorter deadlines. Please do not set your sights too low." She expressed compassionate concern for developing countries, insisting it would be "intolerable" to expect nations that hadn't caused the problem to bear the economic burden of fixing it. Even when her own environment minister whispered that Britain had committed £1.25 million to the multilateral fund supporting these countries, Thatcher publicly announced £1.5 million instead, remarking, "That will teach these people to give me the wrong briefing, won't it?" This moment exemplified what Ambassador Richard Benedick called an unprecedented era in diplomacy, where "politicians from every bloc and region of the world are setting aside politics to reach agreement on protecting the global environment." The usual North-South tensions between developed and developing nations lacked their typical edge. A genuine spirit of collaboration prevailed. What made this collaboration succeed when so many other global efforts have failed? The answer lies in what the author calls "Collective Connections" – the sixth degree in her framework. At the heart of the ozone effort were deep, enduring partnerships like those between Sherwood Rowland and Mario Molina, or Stephen Andersen and Mostafa Tolba. These relationships weren't just personally meaningful; they served as hubs from which wider networks of collaboration could grow. Sociologists Nancy Reichman and Penelope Canan spent years studying these networks. "They inspire others, create the institutional space for cooperation among equals, determine membership, and create norms of reciprocity, action, consensus, and camaraderie," they wrote. "They literally create the conditions for shared excellence." The ozone community wasn't driven by one charismatic leader but by a distributed network of relationships guided by six collaborative design principles. First was an intoxicating shared purpose – saving humanity by closing the ozone hole – that gave everyone a clear compass. Second, rather than trying to solve everything at once, they focused on "start and strengthen" – beginning with manageable goals and building on success. Third, they maintained an "open tent" with structures that welcomed diverse participation while keeping everyone focused on the mission. Fourth, they deliberately created "unlikely connections" across sectors and specialties. Scientists, diplomats, industry representatives, and activists who normally wouldn't collaborate found common cause. Fifth, they established "relational scaffolding" – systems that encouraged distributed leadership and gave everyone ownership of solutions. Finally, they cultivated a "culture of service and friendship" where personal relationships transcended institutional boundaries. These principles have been validated in other successful collaborations, from the global eradication of smallpox to the creation of community-centered businesses like Natura in Brazil. In each case, deep connections at the center served as role models, hubs of momentum, and connective tissue for wider movements. As the author watched the signing of the Kigali Amendment to the Montreal Protocol in 2016 – which expanded the treaty to address climate change by phasing down hydrofluorocarbons – she observed participants who had worked through the night to complete the agreement. Despite their exhaustion, their faces were "filled with enthusiasm and shared success." They demonstrated that collective connections, guided by the right principles, can literally change the course of history.

Summary

At its heart, this book reveals a profound truth: the most meaningful achievements in human history aren't the product of solitary genius but of deep, purposeful relationships. From closing the ozone hole to ending apartheid, from building ethical businesses to flying solar planes around the world, the pattern is consistent. Deep connections, built on the Six Degrees framework, create the foundation for impact far beyond what any individual could accomplish alone. The stories shared throughout these pages aren't about perfect people or conflict-free relationships. They're about ordinary humans who've learned extraordinary skills – how to unite around something bigger than themselves, how to stay all-in through difficulties, how to cultivate virtues that sustain connection, how to create magnetic moments that keep bonds strong, how to celebrate friction rather than fear it, and how to scale their impact through thoughtful collaboration. The results speak for themselves – lives changed, communities transformed, and sometimes, humanity itself protected from existential threats. As we face the interconnected challenges of our time – from climate change to inequality to polarization – these partnership skills aren't just nice to have; they're essential for our survival. We can choose to rise above the glorification of individualism toward a partnership mentality where technology becomes a tool for meaningful connection rather than division. We can shift our measure of success from fame and fortune to the depth of our relationships and the positive difference we make in others' lives. The wisdom from these partnerships lights the way forward. As Anthony Ray Hinton put it after his wrongful imprisonment and life-saving friendship with Lester Bailey: "My wish for everyone is to have a friend like Lester." There is truly nothing more important than the connections that make us who we are in this world.

About Author

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Jean Oelwang

As the President and founding CEO of Virgin Unite and the co-founder of Plus Wonder, Jean Oelwang has spent over 15 years working with the likes of Archbishop Desmond and Leah Tutu, Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, and Ben and Jerry, to name a few. This set her on a journey to interview sixty of the greatest partnerships and collaborations of our time to learn how to nurture deep connections in our lives.She is a Collaboration Architect, working with partners to lead the start-up of several global collectives, including The Elders, The B Team, The Carbon War Room (now successfully merged with RMI), Ocean Unite, The Caribbean Climate Smart Accelerator, and 100% Human at Work. Before Virgin Unite and Plus Wonder, Jean spent 18 years working in six continents to help start and lead mobile phone companies. She also worked for the Foundation for National Parks and Wildlife in Australia and was a VISTA volunteer in the US where she partnered with homeless teens.Jean holds several advisory board roles, including The Elders, Vintro, Vatican Humanity 2.0, and the Sara Blakely Foundation. She is on the boards of RMI, The Caribbean Climate Smart Accelerator, AID Live, Unite BVI Foundation, The B Team, Penn State Board of Visitors, and Just Capital. She is honoured to be a B Team leader. Jean has been on the TED and TEDx stages.

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