What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There

What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There Plot Summary

Introduction

Success can be a double-edged sword. When we achieve significant accomplishments in our careers, we often develop blind spots about behaviors that may have been tolerated or overlooked on our way up. These same behaviors—interrupting others, claiming credit, failing to listen, or speaking when angry—can become serious obstacles as we strive to reach higher levels of leadership and influence. Imagine being deeply skilled at your profession, delivering exceptional results, yet wondering why you aren't advancing further or why relationships seem strained. The painful truth is that the higher you go, the more your problems are behavioral, not technical. Your success has created a comfortable cocoon of habits that served you well enough in the past but now limit your future. Breaking free requires acknowledging these habits, seeking honest feedback, and making committed changes—a process that's simple to understand but challenging to implement.

Chapter 1: Identify Your Career-Limiting Behaviors

Career advancement often stalls not because of technical incompetence but because of interpersonal flaws that become more pronounced as we climb the ladder. These flaws aren't personality traits we're born with but habitual behaviors we can change. The key is identifying which specific behaviors are holding you back. Marshall Goldsmith describes working with a division chief at a major manufacturing company who had 40,000 employees under his command. This executive, whom he calls Harlan, was doing a great job by most measures. His direct reports considered him a great leader. However, Harlan's boss, the CEO, desperately wanted him to focus more on reaching out across the organization and providing leadership for the entire company rather than just his division. The feedback revealed that while Harlan excelled in many areas, he wasn't perceived as inclusive enough by colleagues outside his division. After receiving this feedback, Harlan embraced the process of change with remarkable enthusiasm. He apologized to colleagues for his past behavior, made a commitment to improve his cross-organizational leadership, followed up regularly to check on his progress, and asked for ongoing suggestions. His approach was so thorough and sincere that within just 12 months, he showed the most significant improvement scores Goldsmith had ever seen in such a short time. The transformation process begins with the courage to identify specific behaviors that need changing. For Harlan, it was his tendency to focus exclusively on his division rather than the broader organization. For others, it might be interrupting colleagues, claiming undue credit, failing to listen, or making destructive comments. The common thread is that these behaviors can be observed, measured, and modified once we acknowledge them. When identifying your own career-limiting behaviors, focus on behaviors with the highest negative impact. If 80% of colleagues say you get angry too easily, but only 10% mention you don't listen well, start with the anger management. Pick one significant behavior to change rather than trying to fix everything at once. Remember that changing 100% in one area is better than changing 10% in ten areas. Successful behavioral change requires accepting that what helped you succeed in the past may now be holding you back. This paradox explains why many successful people resist change even when the evidence is clear. They've been rewarded for certain behaviors for so long that they can't see how these same behaviors are now limiting their future potential.

Chapter 2: Listen with Purpose, Not to Respond

Listening is a fundamental leadership skill that separates the great from the merely good. Yet for many successful people, truly listening to others can be surprisingly difficult. The problem isn't physical hearing but mental processing—we're so busy preparing our response that we fail to fully absorb what others are saying. Consider the case of superstar attorney David Boies, who once spent 45 minutes at a bar talking with a lawyer he'd just met. The lawyer later recalled, "What impressed me was that when he asked a question, he waited for the answer. He not only listened, he made me feel like I was the only person in the room." This is the singular skill that separates truly great leaders from everyone else—making others feel valued through genuine attention. By contrast, Goldsmith describes a group of executives at a research and development organization who had developed the annoying habit of looking at their watches during presentations by junior scientists, motioning for them to move along, and repeating "Next slide, next slide." This impatient behavior explained why the organization was having trouble retaining young talent. The junior scientists were voting with their feet and leaving for companies where they felt respected and heard. Effective listening requires three deliberate practices. First, think before you speak. Successful people often feel compelled to share their thoughts immediately, but restraining this impulse creates space for listening. Frances Hesselbein, former executive director of the Girl Scouts who received the Presidential Medal of Freedom, exemplifies this discipline. No matter how surprised or upset she might be, she always pauses to think before responding. Second, listen with respect. This means demonstrating through your eyes, posture, and body language that you are fully engaged. Bill Clinton mastered this art, making each person he spoke with feel like the only person in the room. This isn't passive but requires active mental and physical engagement. Third, before responding, ask yourself, "Is it worth it?" The most insightful responses often come after thoughtful consideration rather than immediate reaction. A COO who became CEO credited his success partly to this practice, saying: "Before speaking, I take a breath and ask myself, 'Is it worth it?' I learned that 50 percent of what I was going to say was correct—maybe—but saying it wasn't worth it." The paradox of listening is that the more you subdue your desire to shine by speaking, the more you will shine in others' eyes. When you make others feel important through attentive listening, they don't regard you as dull or uninteresting. Instead, they leave thinking, "What a great person!"

Chapter 3: Master the Art of Apologizing

Apologizing is perhaps the most magical, healing, and restorative gesture humans can make. It's the centerpiece of behavioral change because without it, there's no recognition that mistakes have been made, no announcement of intention to change, and no emotional contract between you and those you care about. Richard Clarke's testimony before the 9/11 commission provided a powerful example when he directly addressed the families of victims: "Your government failed you, those entrusted with protecting you failed you, and I failed you." His words had such emotional impact that they overshadowed hours of other testimony because they offered something victims and their families desperately needed: closure. Ted, a senior manager at a successful company, demonstrated how apologizing can salvage even deeply damaged relationships. Ted was brilliant and personable but disastrous at follow-up with clients and colleagues. This pattern had gone unnoticed for years until relationships that started out well eventually drifted into conflict. In his personal life, Ted's best friend of twenty years, Vince, had called him five times over two weeks, but Ted never returned the calls. When Vince finally wrote Ted a letter outlining all the slights and offenses that had poisoned their friendship, Ted responded with a heartfelt apology. In his letter, Ted acknowledged each offense without excuses. For not returning calls, he wrote: "You are right, absolutely right. It is rude. It is not how a friend, or even a solid citizen, behaves... It sends an unfortunate and incorrect message that I don't care about you." He concluded by writing, "The evidence notwithstanding, I do value our friendship. Tremendously. We have too many years of laughs and good times... to let our friendship slip away because I am a schmuck in an area where you least value that kind of behavior. All I can ask is your forgiveness." The power of this apology eventually repaired their friendship because it's almost impossible to resist genuine contrition. An effective apology contains no excuses, no qualifications, and no complicated explanations. Simply say, "I'm sorry. I'll try to do better in the future." Then stop talking. Adding anything more only dilutes the impact. The magic of apologizing is that it forces everyone to let go of the past. When you apologize, you're effectively saying, "I can't change the past. All I can say is I'm sorry for what I did wrong. I'm sorry it hurt you. There's no excuse for it and I will try to do better in the future." This statement—an admission of guilt, an apology, and a plea for help—is tough for even the most cold-hearted person to resist.

Chapter 4: Leverage Feedforward Instead of Feedback

While feedback helps us understand past behavior, feedforward provides ideas we can implement to create positive change in the future. This simple yet powerful technique overcomes many obstacles that traditional feedback creates, especially with successful people who resist criticism. The feedforward process consists of four straightforward steps. First, identify one behavior you want to change that would make a significant, positive difference in your life. For example, you might want to become a better listener. Second, describe this objective in a one-on-one dialogue with anyone you know—it could be a colleague, friend, or even a relative. Third, ask that person for two specific suggestions that might help you achieve this positive change. The only ground rule is that there can be no mention of the past—everything must focus on future possibilities. Fourth, listen attentively to these suggestions without judging or critiquing them. Your only response should be "Thank you." A pharmaceutical executive implemented this process with his team when he realized he had developed an overweening sense of self-importance that manifested in brusque comments and dismissive opinions. Rather than defending his behavior, he asked colleagues for specific suggestions on how he could be more sensitive to others and less abrupt. By prohibiting himself from responding with anything other than "Thank you," he created a safe environment for honest input that wasn't possible before. Feedforward works because while successful people dislike hearing criticism about past actions, they love getting ideas for future improvement. When the change is something they care about, they eagerly embrace suggestions aimed at that goal. Since feedforward focuses on solutions rather than problems, it doesn't trigger the defensive reactions that feedback often does. People don't take feedforward as personally because it's not seen as an attack on who they are but as help for who they want to become. The process also benefits the person offering suggestions. Most people enjoy giving helpful ideas when asked, but hold back unless specifically invited. By soliciting feedforward, you expand your universe of potential advisors and create a two-way exchange that strengthens relationships. The person providing suggestions receives your gratitude rather than your argument or resentment. An old Buddhist parable illustrates the value of focusing on the future rather than dwelling on the past. Two monks encountered a young woman who needed to cross a stream. Though forbidden to touch women, one monk carried her across. His companion scolded him for hours afterward. When the second monk brought it up again that night, the first monk replied, "Oh, her. I only carried her across the stream. You carried her all the way back to the monastery." The lesson is clear: When it comes to our flawed past, leave it at the stream.

Chapter 5: Create Meaningful Change Through Follow-Up

Follow-up is the most protracted and critical part of creating lasting behavioral change. It typically continues for 12 to 18 months and makes the difference between temporary improvement and permanent transformation. Without diligent follow-up, even the best intentions fade away like "program of the month" initiatives. Marshall Goldsmith discovered the power of follow-up when an executive vice president at a Fortune 100 company asked him a seemingly simple question: "Does anyone who goes to these leadership development programs ever really change?" Realizing he had never measured the long-term impact of his training, Goldsmith spent two years studying eight major corporations with 86,000 participants to find the answer. His research revealed three crucial findings. First, not everyone responds to development efforts—only about 70% of participants actually applied what they learned. Second, there's an enormous disconnect between understanding and doing. Many people understand what they need to change but fail to follow through because they get distracted by day-to-day demands. Third and most importantly, people don't get better without follow-up. When leaders consistently followed up with their colleagues, their perceived effectiveness increased dramatically. Without follow-up, no improvement was detected. One manufacturing COO demonstrated the power of systematic follow-up. After learning he needed to be more inclusive of peers across the organization, he went to each colleague monthly and asked, "Last month I told you that I would try to get better at being more inclusive. You gave me some ideas and I would like to know if you think I have effectively put them into practice." This question forced his colleagues to stop and think about his efforts, mentally gauge his progress, and keep him focused on continued improvement. Follow-up serves multiple purposes. It measures progress objectively. It reminds people that you're making an effort to change. It gradually imprints your improvement on colleagues' minds. It erases skepticism about your ability to change. And perhaps most importantly, it acknowledges that getting better is an ongoing process, not a temporary conversion. To make follow-up work in your own life, consider establishing a routine similar to Goldsmith's nightly calls with his coach. Every night, his coach calls to ask a series of specific questions about his physical well-being, fitness, and relationships. This disciplined approach to follow-up has helped him stay healthier and more focused on his personal goals. The key element is involving another person who cares about your success, creating accountability that goes beyond simply keeping a journal or diary.

Chapter 6: Stop Adding Value to Every Conversation

The need to add value to every conversation is a common habit among successful people that can severely limit their effectiveness as leaders. This happens when you can't resist the urge to improve or build upon others' ideas, even when your input is minimal and potentially counterproductive. Jon Katzenbach, a former McKinsey director who headed his own consulting boutique, demonstrated this behavior during a dinner with his brilliant protégé and partner, Niko. Whenever Niko shared an idea, Katzenbach would interrupt with "That's a great idea, but it would work better if you..." and then explain how it had worked for him in another context. While Katzenbach thought he was enhancing the conversation, he was actually diminishing his partner's enthusiasm and ownership. This habit is particularly dangerous for leaders because of the power dynamic involved. Imagine you're the CEO and an employee brings you an idea you genuinely like. Rather than simply saying "Great idea!" your inclination is to add your own twist: "Good idea, but it'd be better if you tried it this way." The problem? You may have improved the content by 5%, but you've reduced the employee's commitment to implementing it by 50% because you've taken away their ownership. What started as their idea is now your idea. A chocolate maker in San Francisco learned this lesson when designing a sampler box for the late designer Bill Blass. The chocolatiers created a dozen exquisite chocolates they considered their best work, along with another dozen they regarded as inferior. To their horror, Blass selected all the inferior chocolates. Rather than accepting Blass's choices, the head of the company wisely decided, "We know chocolate. He doesn't. Let's make the ones we like and he'll never know the difference." The need to add value appears in many forms beyond verbal interactions. It manifests when managers rewrite perfectly good reports to inject their style, when executives modify presentations moments before they're delivered, or when parents "help" children with homework by essentially redoing it themselves. In each case, the original creator's sense of accomplishment and ownership is diminished. To overcome this habit, train yourself to pause before speaking. When someone presents an idea, ask yourself if your addition is truly necessary or worth the potential cost to their motivation. Practice saying "Great idea!" without adding a "but" or "however." Remember that the higher you rise in an organization, the more important it becomes to make other people winners rather than making it about winning yourself. Even if your addition genuinely improves an idea, the gain may not be worth the loss in commitment and enthusiasm from your team. As one pharmaceutical CEO discovered, at least half of what he was going to say wasn't worth saying once he learned to take a breath and consider the impact of his words.

Chapter 7: Break Free from Winning at All Costs

The need to win at all costs is the most common behavioral problem among successful people. This compulsion extends far beyond appropriate competitive situations into interactions where winning is irrelevant, unnecessary, or even destructive to relationships. One executive described arguing with his wife about where to have dinner. After disagreeing with her restaurant choice, he grudgingly yielded. At the restaurant, his reservation was lost, they waited 30 minutes for a table, received poor service, and the food was terrible. He had two options: Option A—critique the restaurant and smugly point out how wrong his wife was; or Option B—shut up and make the best of the evening. Seventy-five percent of executives admitted they would choose Option A, even though they all agreed Option B was the better choice. This winning obsession manifests in countless ways. We argue too much because we want our view to prevail. We put down others to position them beneath us. We ignore people to make them fade away. We withhold information to gain an edge. These behaviors stem from needlessly trying to be the alpha in any situation. The compulsion to win appears across all areas of life. A father playing basketball with his 9-year-old son started off giving the boy do-overs to keep him enthusiastic. Ten minutes in, the father's competitive genes kicked in, and he began guarding his son closely, engaging in trash talk, and taking pleasure in winning 11-2. Even when the competition could harm someone we love, the urge to win often prevails. This need becomes particularly problematic in the workplace. In meetings, successful people feel compelled to comment on everything, correct others' statements, and demonstrate their superior knowledge. Even when silent, their body language—rolling eyes, drumming fingers, checking phones—broadcasts their impatience and dismissal of others' contributions. To overcome this habit, recognize that there's a difference between being an achiever and being a leader. Successful people become great leaders when they shift focus from themselves to others. Try this experiment: For one day, monitor every urge to add your opinion, correct someone, or demonstrate your superior knowledge. Before speaking, ask yourself, "Is this worth it?" Often you'll realize the benefit of winning the point is far outweighed by the cost to relationships and team dynamics. One CEO learned to ask himself this question regularly and discovered that half of what he was about to say wasn't worth saying. Even though he believed he could add value, he realized he had more to gain by not winning. Remember that the higher you go in an organization, the more your success depends on making other people successful rather than on your own accomplishments.

Summary

The journey to greater success requires a profound shift in perspective. As Marshall Goldsmith wisely notes, "If you want to change anything about yourself, the best time to start is now." The biggest obstacle isn't lack of knowledge but our attachment to behaviors that once served us well. We must recognize that what got us here—the drive, the technical expertise, the competitive edge—won't get us there. Imagine yourself at 95 years old, looking back on your life. What would that wise elder version of yourself advise? Most likely, it wouldn't be to win more arguments or add your two cents to every discussion. It would be to appreciate relationships, follow your dreams, find meaning in the present moment rather than always chasing the next achievement. The most successful leaders understand this, which is why they focus on becoming better listeners, apologizing sincerely when needed, seeking suggestions rather than criticism, and following up consistently on their commitments to change. Start today by identifying just one interpersonal behavior that's limiting your effectiveness. Ask for specific suggestions from colleagues on how you might improve, listen without judgment, and thank them for their input. Then commit to regular follow-up to measure your progress. This simple process—when approached with humility and persistence—can transform not only how others perceive you but how you experience your own success.

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Marshall Goldsmith

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