Getting More

Getting More Plot Summary

Introduction

Negotiation is not merely a business skill—it's a life skill that affects almost every interaction we have. Whether you're asking for a raise, resolving a conflict with your spouse, or simply trying to get better service at a restaurant, you're negotiating. Yet most people approach these situations with outdated tactics that focus on power, leverage, and "winning" rather than truly getting what they want. The principles in this book will transform how you approach everyday interactions. By focusing on understanding others, making emotional connections, and trading items of unequal value, you'll discover how to create solutions where everyone feels they've won. These techniques have been tested with thousands of people worldwide, from corporate executives to parents negotiating with toddlers. The result? Consistently better outcomes in less time with stronger relationships—truly getting more in every interaction.

Chapter 1: Understand Their Perceptions First

The foundation of effective negotiation begins with understanding how the other person sees the world. Their perceptions—their beliefs, fears, and priorities—determine how they'll respond to your proposals. Most negotiation failures happen not because of disagreement about facts, but because of mismatched perceptions about what those facts mean. Jason Klein experienced this perception challenge when applying to Penn Law School. After two unsuccessful attempts, he was waitlisted a third time but needed an immediate decision to pursue a joint degree program with Wharton. The law school typically made waitlist decisions in summer—too late for his needs. Rather than arguing about fairness, Jason researched the school's own admissions standards and wrote a letter showing precisely how he met each one. He concluded by asking, "Please tell me where I'm wrong here." By starting with the law school's perceptions rather than his own, Jason was accepted within days, months ahead of the normal timeline. This approach works because it addresses the fundamental reality that people make decisions based on their own worldview, not yours. When shown a simple red circle and asked to describe what they see, people give remarkably different answers—from "red dot" to "Japanese flag" to "white space." This diversity of perception explains why people argue over what seems like obvious facts. To implement this perception-first approach, begin by asking questions rather than making statements. Questions like "How do you see this situation?" or "What matters most to you about this?" reveal crucial information without committing you to anything. When someone says something that seems unreasonable, respond with curiosity: "Why do you feel that way?" or "Tell me more about your thinking." Practice role reversal by genuinely putting yourself in the other person's position. What pressures are they facing? What might they fear? What would make them look good to their boss or peers? A Wharton student demonstrated this when seeking a job at Citigroup. Rather than simply asking for more money like most graduates, he considered the vice president's perspective and offered to help with preparations for a new program. The VP was so impressed by this perspective shift that he immediately offered a $15,000 bonus. Remember Professor Godbole's wisdom from A Passage to India: "One cannot tell anyone anything unless they are ready to hear it." By understanding their perceptions first, you create the conditions where they become ready to hear your proposals.

Chapter 2: Value People Through Emotional Connection

Creating genuine human connection forms the foundation of successful negotiation. Research shows that more than 50% of negotiation success comes from the people involved—whether they like each other, trust each other, and will hear what each other has to say. Less than 10% comes from the substance of the deal itself. John Bowman, the Writers Guild's chief negotiator during the 2008 Hollywood writers' strike, experienced this firsthand. After three months of failed negotiations, Bowman called for advice before a crucial meeting with studio representatives. Rather than discussing substantive issues like royalties or compensation, he was advised to focus on the people first: "Make small talk. Ask them, 'Are you happy?'" This approach might seem counterproductive, but it addressed the real problem—everyone was angry and losing money. By acknowledging emotions and asking about process rather than pushing positions, Bowman helped restart negotiations. Within days, the strike that had paralyzed Hollywood for months was resolved. The power of human connection works in everyday situations too. Aliza Zaida was stuck with a center seat on an overnight flight when she noticed the gate agent was coughing and clearly not feeling well. Instead of complaining like other passengers, Aliza offered the agent water and cough drops, expressing genuine concern. When she respectfully asked if an aisle seat might become available, the agent not only gave her an exit-row aisle seat but also provided a free meal and headsets. To create emotional connection in your negotiations, start by recognizing that the other person is the most important person in the interaction—not you. Ask questions about their situation and listen attentively to their answers. Make appropriate emotional payments—acknowledgments, apologies, or expressions of appreciation—that show you value them as individuals, not just as means to your ends. Pay attention to third parties who might influence the negotiation even when they're not physically present. These are people the principals feel they must defer to—bosses, colleagues, spouses, or others before whom they need to save face. Bernard Burton, a New York attorney, used this knowledge when representing a contractor in a suit against a builder. Concerned the builder would lie on the stand, Burton subpoenaed the builder's secretary of thirty years—not to testify, but simply to sit in the courtroom. The builder told the truth rather than lie in front of his long-time secretary. Remember that valuing people isn't manipulation—it's recognizing our shared humanity. When you genuinely value others, they naturally want to help you achieve your goals. This creates the foundation for finding solutions that work for everyone involved.

Chapter 3: Frame Issues to Create Collaborative Solutions

How you present information dramatically affects how others respond to it. Framing is the art of packaging your message in a way that makes it more likely to be accepted. The same request, framed differently, can lead to completely different outcomes. James Ciarletta demonstrated this when his fiancée received a coupon from Cohen's Optical for a new pair of glasses for $34. When she selected frames costing $174.54, the store clerk said the coupon applied only to a limited selection of cheap frames. Rather than arguing directly about the coupon's validity, James framed the issue around the store's own standards: "Is it Cohen's policy to honor its published coupons?" When the owner acknowledged this principle but still refused to apply it in this case, James kept reframing: "Is customer satisfaction important to Cohen's?" "Is honoring your policies important?" By framing the issue around the store's own values rather than his personal desires, James eventually got the owner to honor the coupon. Framing works because it shifts the context of the discussion. Charles Chen used this technique when buying an engagement ring at Tiffany's. Rather than haggling over price, he framed himself as a future repeat customer, asking for the sales representative's business card and expressing appreciation for her expertise. This framing helped him secure a 7% discount on an expensive purchase at a store known for not negotiating. To implement effective framing in your negotiations, first identify how the other party currently views the situation. Then consider alternative perspectives that might better serve both parties. For example, when Mark McCourt wanted to buy an expensive musical instrument, he discovered the wholesale price was about $1,600 compared to the $3,200 retail price. Instead of demanding the wholesale price, he framed his offer as "$1,600 plus $200 credit against future purchases." This reframed the negotiation from a single transaction to an ongoing relationship, and the store accepted. When creating your frames, focus on mutual benefit rather than just your advantage. Igor Cerc saved his company $600,000 by getting a supplier to roll back a price increase for six months. He succeeded by framing the request around increased volume during that period—something that would benefit the sales rep's bonus metrics. He identified the "behavior drivers" of the other party and framed accordingly. Remember that effective framing requires credibility. Support your frames with specific details, standards, or evidence. The more concrete your framing, the more persuasive it becomes. By thoughtfully framing issues, you can transform seemingly adversarial situations into opportunities for collaboration.

Chapter 4: Trade Items of Unequal Value Strategically

The essence of successful negotiation lies in trading items that cost you little but have high value to the other party. This approach expands the possibilities beyond mere price haggling and creates opportunities where both sides can win substantially. Larry Stillman, a paper industry executive, experienced this firsthand when trying to close a multimillion-dollar deal. After much consideration about what might matter to the customer, he discovered the answer was surprisingly simple: four tickets to the NBA finals. To the customer, these tickets represented validation that their vendor would go the extra mile for them. In exchange for something relatively small, Larry's company secured a contract worth millions. This trading approach works because different items have different values to different people. Matthew Rogers, head of mergers and acquisitions at Tyco International, applied this concept brilliantly when a British company wanted to sell Tyco a subsidiary for 3 million pounds. Through careful questioning, Matthew discovered that the company desperately needed to divest the subsidiary within three weeks to avoid violating bank agreements. Understanding this urgency, he offered to take the subsidiary for free within the deadline. The British company not only agreed but ended up paying Tyco 60,000 pounds for "administrative costs." By trading Tyco's ability to act quickly for a dramatic price reduction, both parties got what they valued most. To implement this strategy effectively, first identify what you have that might be valuable to the other party. This could include future business, referrals, positive reviews, or even just making their job easier. Kenneth Reyes called Citicard and mentioned his ten years as a loyal customer—something that cost him nothing to mention but had significant value to the company. This simple trade resulted in his interest rate being cut from 22% to 15%, saving him $500 annually with just a five-minute call. Next, discover what the other party values by asking questions and observing their responses. Look beyond the obvious monetary aspects to find intangibles that might be highly valued. Brad Oberwager, founder of Sundia Corporation, built his fruit cup business by asking watermelon growers to simply let him put "Sundia" stickers on their watermelons in exchange for a stake in his planned business. This cost the growers nothing but gave him instant brand recognition. Two years later, when he approached stores, they already knew his brand. Remember that the human economic system began with trading items of unequal value—exchanging surplus meat for surplus bread. Money standardized exchanges but can never replace the specific intangibles that individuals value. By thinking creatively about what you can offer that costs you little but means much to them, you can create deals that leave both sides feeling they've won.

Chapter 5: Use Standards and Incremental Steps to Build Trust

Standards—external benchmarks, precedents, policies, or principles—are powerful tools for persuasion because they shift the conversation from personal demands to objective criteria. When combined with incremental steps, they create a path to agreement that minimizes risk and builds trust. A student experienced this at McDonald's when he was served soggy French fries five minutes before closing time. When the clerk refused to provide fresh ones, citing the late hour, the student calmly picked up McDonald's printed freshness guarantee, which promised "the perfect texture" during all business hours. He asked, "It doesn't say here that this freshness guarantee expires five minutes before closing time, does it?" The clerk promptly provided fresh fries. Instead of arguing or getting upset, the student simply held McDonald's to its own standards. Standards work because they appeal to fairness and consistency rather than personal preference. People have an internal moral compass that tells them to be honest, and they worry about how violating standards might appear to important third parties like bosses. When you invoke standards, you're essentially giving the other person a choice: be extreme by violating their own principles, or come to you by honoring them. Most people choose the latter. To implement standards effectively, first research relevant benchmarks before your negotiation. These might include industry practices, published rates, company policies, or precedents. Jay Chen used this approach when negotiating his real estate commission. Century 21 offered to sell his home for a 3% commission, but Jay found that ziprealty.com charged only 2%. By using this market standard as a reference point, he persuaded Century 21 to reduce their commission to 2.5%, saving $2,500 on his $500,000 house with just a five-minute negotiation. Incremental steps complement standards by reducing perceived risk. Rocky Motwani used this approach at the Department of Motor Vehicles when faced with a sign stating "ABSOLUTELY NO PERSONAL CHECKS ACCEPTED." Rather than arguing directly, he noticed the ticket allowed mailing a personal check to the same building. Through a series of incremental questions about this inconsistency, he eventually asked, "What if I put my check in an envelope and waft it over you and it lands on the desk over there? Can I pay by check then?" His incremental approach succeeded where a direct challenge would have failed. For complex negotiations, break the process into smaller steps. When buying or selling a home, start by meeting the other party if possible. Make small talk and find out if they have intangible needs. This builds trust that can cushion the relationship if problems arise later. One buyer at a crowded open house in San Francisco spent twenty minutes getting to know the seller personally while others focused on price. The seller ultimately sold to him at below the highest offer because trust had been established. Remember that standards and incremental steps work together to create psychological safety. When people feel the process is fair and the risks are manageable, they become more willing to reach agreement.

Chapter 6: Master Life's Daily Negotiations

Life is filled with daily negotiations that most people never recognize as such. From dealing with dry cleaners and apartment managers to restaurants and financial institutions, applying negotiation skills to everyday situations can dramatically improve your quality of life and save you thousands of dollars annually. Kenneth Reyes called Verizon Wireless after being charged late fees when his bills were sent to the wrong address despite multiple requests to update it. Instead of getting angry, he calmly asked Nicole, the customer service representative, "Does Verizon have high customer-service standards?" When she confirmed they did, he followed up: "Is calling four times to update a customer address in line with Verizon's standards?" Nicole immediately fixed the address, removed the late fees, and when Kenneth mentioned he was a longtime customer and asked if he could get something for his trouble, she gave him two months of free cell phone service—a $120 value. This approach works consistently across contexts. Mark Perry asked a store employee whether AT&T ever made exceptions to their warranty policy when his phone broke one month after the warranty expired. The salesperson took him aside and whispered "Yes," then gave him a new version of the phone for half price, saving him $100. Andrew Dougherty wanted a bigger discount on a bedroom set at Restoration Hardware, where the standard offer was 15%. He asked the manager if she worked on commission (she didn't) but if she got any bonus for "exceptional sales." When she confirmed she did, and an expensive bedroom set qualified, Andrew received a 40% discount, saving $1,800. To master daily negotiations, start by recognizing negotiation opportunities. When Stephen Bondi saw his bank offering new customers a mortgage rate 3.75 percentage points lower than his current rate, he called the manager and asked, "Is it the bank's practice to treat existing clients worse than new clients?" This standards-based question led to a productive conversation that ultimately saved him thousands annually. Preparation makes a significant difference even in small negotiations. Jeremy Delinsky thought his electric bills were too high due to a malfunctioning heat pump. Rather than just complaining to his property management company, he called the electric company and got a history of his energy consumption. Armed with this data and the company's motto of "legendary service," he secured a new heat pump worth over $1,000 within a week. Building relationships transforms transactional encounters into opportunities for mutual benefit. Max Mettenheim needed his car repaired quickly at AAA Keystone. After discovering the owner had served in the army, Max mentioned his own military background as a German army officer before coming to the United States. The owner was fascinated by this connection and completed the repairs immediately with an "Army discount." Remember that persistence often pays off in daily negotiations. When Katy Chen exceeded the ninety-minute free parking period by ten minutes, the attendant initially insisted she pay. After trying several approaches, she finally said, "It's Thanksgiving weekend. Can't you give me a break?" This simple appeal worked when others had failed. The lesson? Keep trying different approaches until you find what resonates with the other person.

Chapter 7: Navigate Relationships With Emotional Intelligence

Relationships represent our most important and complex negotiations. Whether with family members, romantic partners, or friends, the ability to navigate relationship challenges with emotional intelligence determines much of our life satisfaction. Unlike business negotiations, relationship negotiations are ongoing and deeply personal, making emotional awareness essential. A manager in one of Diamond's classes wanted her elderly mother to move to a nursing home for better care and companionship. Her mother agreed these benefits made sense but still refused to go. Through careful conversation, the daughter discovered her mother's unstated fear: "Once you throw out your stuff, you've thrown out your life; then you're just waiting to die." Instead of arguing, the daughter suggested her mother take everything with her and store it nearby. When ready, she could sort through her belongings at her own pace. With this emotional concern addressed, her mother willingly moved to the nursing home. This example illustrates how relationship negotiations require understanding emotional needs before practical solutions can work. Tatiana Toussi applied this principle when her parents were on the verge of separating after twenty-five years of marriage. "They kept rehashing things that happened twenty-five years ago," she explained. Instead of taking sides, Tatiana spoke with each parent separately to understand their perceptions. She discovered they both fundamentally wanted the same thing: respect and understanding from the other. By helping them see this shared need, she helped save their marriage. To navigate relationship negotiations effectively, first recognize when emotions are blocking progress. Devin Griffin's wife wanted to get a dog immediately, but Devin knew the timing was poor with her Ph.D. exam approaching. Instead of directly opposing her wish, he validated it: getting a dog was a great idea. Then he asked practical questions about who would walk, train, and care for the dog while they were both busy. When his wife became upset, Devin suggested taking a break—an emotional payment that gave her time to process. Later, he proposed getting a dog in eight months after her exams, on her birthday. This incremental approach met both their needs. Finding items of unequal value to trade is particularly effective in relationships. Tommy Liu wanted to watch football games with friends on Sundays, while his wife wanted to visit her parents in New York City—with Tommy. After discussing their core interests, they realized the location wasn't the issue. They arranged for her parents to visit Philadelphia some weekends, and they would go to New York when the Giants had the week off. This solution satisfied both their needs. When relationship conflicts arise, focus on process rather than blame. Lynn Castle's husband said they couldn't afford a vacation on their budget. Lynn built a spreadsheet showing how they could. Carlos Vazquez's wife said they could afford both a trip to Africa and a cruise. Carlos built a spreadsheet showing how they couldn't. In both cases, the details provided objective standards that resolved the dispute without making either person wrong. Remember that in relationships, how you negotiate matters as much as what you negotiate. Maintaining trust, showing respect, and providing emotional validation creates the foundation for resolving specific issues.

Summary

The art of negotiation is fundamentally about understanding human psychology and creating value for all parties involved. Throughout this book, we've explored how perception differences drive conflict, how emotional connection builds trust, and how trading items of unequal value expands possibilities. As Stuart Diamond emphasizes, "You are the least important person in the negotiation. The most important is the other party, and the second most important is any third party important to them." This perspective shift alone can dramatically improve your negotiation outcomes. Start applying these principles today in small, everyday interactions. Ask questions before making statements. Look for standards that can guide fair solutions. Find items to trade that cost you little but mean much to others. With practice, these approaches will become second nature, transforming not just your negotiation results but the quality of your relationships in every area of life. Remember that great negotiators aren't born—they're made through focus, preparation, and the consistent application of these proven strategies.

About Author

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Stuart Diamond

Stuart Diamond has taught and advised on negotiation and cultural diversity to corporate and government leaders in more than 40 countries, including in Eastern Europe, former Soviet Republics, China, Latin America, the Middle East, Canada, South Africa and the United States. He holds an M.B.A. with honors from Wharton Business School, ranked #1 globally by The Financial Times where he is currently a practice professor (professor from practice) with courses on negotiation and entrepreneurship. For 22 of 24 semesters over the past 13 years his negotiation course has been the most popular in the school based on the course auction, and he has won multiple teaching awards. He has taught negotiation at Harvard Law School, from which he holds a law degree and is a former Associate Director of the Harvard Negotiation Project. He has directed a negotiation consulting firm in Cambridge, MA. Mr. Diamond is president of Global Strategy Group, which advises companies and governments on negotiating foreign investment and devising strategies, structures and marketing to compete effectively on an international scale: essentially the skills of planning and persuasion. He advises senior corporate and government officials on building internal coalitions and harmony to be more effective and competitive in an environment of constant change. He has analyzed competitive and persuasive strategies for organizations as different as Merck, Citibank, General Electric, BASF, Prudential, the Government of Colombia, a $16 billion petrochemical company in China and scientists in Ukraine. He advises U.S. and foreign companies on developing more effective communications and media relations, strategic focus, problem-solving, creative options, and persuading vendors and customers. He is an expert in cross-cultural negotiation and has advised on the subject to executives of some of the world’s leading companies. He has consulted extensively for the United Nations. In a prior career Mr. Diamond was a journalist, including at The New York Times, where he won the Pulitzer Prize as a part of a team investigating the crash of the space shuttle Challenger in 1986. He covered many major crises including the Bhopal chemical leak in India, the Three Mile Island nuclear accident in Pennsylvania and the Chernobyl nuclear accident in the former Soviet Union. He has written 2 books, 2 documentary films and more than 2,000 published articles, including 109 on page 1 of The New York Times. He has appeared on Today and Good Morning America and lectured widely about the problems and prospects of emerging markets, and international business challenges in an environment of change. Mr. Diamond was an executive of a Wall Street energy futures brokerage firm, for which he negotiated a multimillion dollar sale. He has worked at the law firm of Sullivan & Cromwell and the investment bank of Morgan Stanley. He founded or directed entrepreneurial ventures in medical services and wireless technologies. He has advised on environmental regulations, privatization and intellectual property protection in emerging markets from Chile to Kuwait. He has worked for the President’s office in Bolivia, Colombia and Nicaragua. He persuaded 3,000 people in the jungles of Bolivia to stop growing illicit coca and to start growing bananas exported to Argentina. He advises a variety of high technology companies and in 2000 played a lead role in putting together a $300 million merger of two high-tech companies that had been on the verge of litigation. He became the first chairman of the merged companies, Summus, Inc., listed on OTC. In 2004 he represented the borrower in completing the largest foreign-sourced commercial financing in the history of Ukraine, a $107.5 million Eurobond issue to finance commercial space ventures. In June, 2005, he became Chairman and CEO of Four Star Aviation of St. Thomas, in which he is a 50% owner. In 2006 he represented The N.Y Commodities Exchange in the succ

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