Works Well With Others

Works Well With Others Plot Summary

Introduction

We all have those moments where we feel like we don't belong. Maybe it's walking into a conference room full of executives, or networking at an industry event where everyone seems to know each other. That pit in your stomach, the voice in your head whispering "you're out of place here" - these are universal experiences, even for the most accomplished professionals. What if I told you that being an outsider isn't something to overcome, but rather a strength to embrace? The most innovative ideas and genuine connections often come from those who approach situations with fresh eyes and authentic perspectives. Throughout these pages, you'll discover that the anxiety you feel in unfamiliar professional settings isn't a sign of inadequacy - it's simply part of being human. The difference between those who thrive and those who merely survive lies not in eliminating those feelings, but in developing practical strategies to channel them productively while remaining true to yourself.

Chapter 1: Embracing Your Outsider Status as a Strength

Feeling like an impostor in professional settings isn't just common—it's practically universal. The term "impostor phenomenon" was coined in 1978 by Georgia State University psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, initially linked to high-achieving women but later recognized as affecting men just as frequently, if not more so. It manifests as persistent feelings that you aren't as successful as others think, that your accomplishments are due to luck, or that even when you succeed, it isn't particularly impressive. This sense of not belonging affects people at all levels of achievement. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor once confessed, "My first month as a judge I was terrified... I still couldn't believe this had worked out as dreamed, and I felt myself almost an impostor meeting my fate so brazenly." Even renowned actress Meryl Streep has admitted, "You think, 'Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don't know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?'" The phenomenon is so widespread that Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian famously declared, "I have no idea what I'm doing, and that's awesome." When Ross McCammon unexpectedly received a call from Esquire magazine in 2005 about an editorial position, he felt crucially ill-equipped for the job. Despite working at a respectable in-flight magazine and having solid credentials, he couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't deserve this opportunity at a prestigious publication. He was convinced he would be "found out" about a month into the job. His outsider status—coming from a regional background with what he perceived as less impressive credentials—seemed like an insurmountable disadvantage. However, after moving to New York and working at Esquire for a few months, McCammon had a revelation: everyone around him was an impostor too. Every professional, regardless of their status or background, harbors insecurities. The difference between those who thrive and those who don't isn't talent or intelligence, but rather how they handle these feelings. The most successful people aren't successful despite their insecurities—they're successful because of them. There's tremendous creative energy in the overlap between awkwardness and ambition. The key insight is this: everyone is weird and nervous, even the people who appear completely confident. The difference is that successful people act like they belong. They perform the mechanics of confidence until it becomes natural. Impostorism isn't something to overcome—it's something to harness. Your outsider perspective gives you a unique lens through which to approach problems, allowing you to see solutions others might miss. To start embracing your outsider status today, acknowledge your feelings without letting them define you. When walking into a room where you feel out of place, remember that everyone else likely feels the same way. Make eye contact, ask curious questions, and focus on being present rather than perfect. Your unique perspective isn't a liability—it's your greatest professional asset.

Chapter 2: Making Powerful First Impressions That Last

First impressions happen with startling speed and leave lasting impacts. Research shows that people form impressions within milliseconds of seeing your face for the first time, and these snap judgments can significantly influence how others perceive you going forward. The qualities that work in your favor include friendliness, assertiveness, social skill, verbal ability, eye contact, emotional stability, and agreeableness—not shyness, shrinking away, or appearing uncomfortable. When McCammon had his interview at Esquire, much of his anxiety revolved around simply arriving. In the elevator on the way up to the interview, he realized he wasn't wearing a jacket—something that seemed obviously appropriate for an interview at a fashion-conscious magazine. This realization amplified his nervousness at precisely the wrong moment. However, during the actual interview with the editor-in-chief, he found that his authentic enthusiasm and candor mattered far more than his attire. The conversation became comfortable and genuine, leading to a job offer just forty-five minutes after the interview ended. The experience taught him that while first impressions are indeed important, they're more about energy and authenticity than perfection. When entering an unfamiliar room for a meeting or interview, he discovered that assuming a sense of ownership is crucial: "Even if it's their room, you're in charge. Even if your salary is one-hundredth of the salary of that guy you're about to shake hands with, you're in charge." The most underrated virtue in these situations is curiosity. If you're genuinely interested in the people you're meeting, you establish a crucial foundation. Make eye contact before you shake hands, before you even smile. Through eye contact, we gather information, exchange social cues, and express a form of professional intimacy. Studies show that interview candidates who maintain strong eye contact are judged much more favorably than those who don't. Maintaining eye contact for at least half the time during conversations makes you appear more competent and confident. To make powerful first impressions, prepare yourself mentally before entering any room. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you're not the only one evaluating the situation—you're also being evaluated. Stand tall, walk confidently, and look people in the eye. When greeting someone, focus completely on them for those first few seconds. A firm handshake, appropriate eye contact, and a genuine smile signal that you're confident, engaged, and pleased to be there. Remember that first impressions aren't just about that initial meeting—they're about establishing yourself as someone others would want to collaborate with. By projecting curiosity and confidence from the moment you enter a room, you create a foundation for meaningful professional relationships that can withstand occasional awkwardness or missteps down the road.

Chapter 3: Mastering Small Talk and Meaningful Conversations

Small talk gets a bad reputation, but it serves a crucial social purpose. When we avoid conversation in social settings, we're participating in what psychologists call "pluralistic ignorance"—going along with social silence because we wrongly believe everyone else prefers it that way. A 2014 University of Chicago study revealed that commuters who engaged in conversation with strangers on their morning train reported having a more enjoyable ride than those who remained silent. The research suggests we don't speak with strangers despite the fact that we actually want to. McCammon admits he struggled with small talk during his early years in New York. "I am not a good small talker," he confesses. Every party he attended was filled with strangers, including people whose work he admired. His attempts to speak with them often resulted in awkward exchanges, like complimenting an Oscar-nominated actor on a film they weren't in. Through these experiences, he learned that successful small talk begins with acknowledging our social contract: we speak when silence would be awkward, and this agreement has given us both practical benefits and civilization itself. The foundation of effective small talk is genuine curiosity. If you're not curious about the other person, the conversation won't work. Make eye contact, smile, and remark on something interesting but not intimately personal. Then reveal something about yourself and truly listen. "It's amazing to me how little I used to listen to people when they were talking," McCammon reflects. "Now when I make a conscious effort to listen, it's as if I've turned up the volume or put in a hearing aid or acquired a soul." When small talk succeeds, it often transitions into what McCammon calls "medium talk"—conversations where people's souls connect with their professional selves. Medium talk focuses on observations rather than reports, genuine experiences rather than superficial exchanges, and ideas rather than things. This level of conversation creates authentic connections that can happen anywhere from convention floors to meeting rooms. For those who struggle with small talk, McCammon suggests specific conversation starters: ask about someone's drink choice (which often reveals something about their day), discuss the origins of their last name, share a minor personal challenge you're experiencing, or even talk about small talk itself. The elevator presents a particularly concentrated opportunity for meaningful brief exchanges. Rather than dreading these encounters, view them as "prisons of opportunity"—chances to offer a compliment, make an innocuous comment, or acknowledge something you have in common. To master meaningful conversations today, commit to being fully present in your next interaction. Put your phone away, maintain eye contact, ask follow-up questions that show you're listening, and look for opportunities to transition from small talk to medium talk by finding common interests or sharing authentic observations. The goal isn't perfect conversation—it's human connection.

Chapter 4: Navigating Office Politics with Integrity

Office politics exist in every workplace, creating an underworld of secret resentments and power dynamics. The real challenge comes when someone who resents you begins to undermine your work or reputation. These situations require careful navigation to maintain both your professional standing and your integrity. McCammon shares his experience with "underminers"—colleagues who subtly or overtly try to sabotage others. "I have encountered a handful of these people in my career and I'm always fascinated by their behavior," he writes. The first step in dealing with them is understanding that they might not even realize what they're doing. A 2014 Columbia Business School study found that people are remarkably poor at knowing how they come across to coworkers—56% of those seen as overly assertive by colleagues believed they were either appropriately assertive or even underassertive. When facing an underminer, begin by trying to understand their motivations. Perhaps they're experiencing personal stress, professional insecurity, or simply have poor social awareness. This empathetic perspective doesn't excuse their behavior but can help you respond more effectively. Rather than plotting elaborate revenge or suffering in silence, McCammon recommends addressing the issue directly but diplomatically. The most effective approach is what he calls "the Basic Asshole Inquiry"—addressing problematic behavior in a casual but direct way as it's happening. For example: "Do you realize that you just totally edged me out of that conversation?" or "When you look at me that way... are you going for churlish or tetchy?" Deliver these questions with a bemused expression—not smiling or frowning, just nonplussed. This approach signals that you've noticed the behavior without escalating the conflict. McCammon emphasizes that you should never "kill them with kindness," as underhanded people rarely respond to this passive-aggressive tactic. Instead, "kill them with frankness." The goal isn't to win a battle but to disrupt the pattern of undermining behavior. By calmly calling attention to what's happening, you recalibrate the situation and signal that you're aware of what's going on. To navigate office politics successfully, McCammon developed the "Two Beers and a Puppy" test to evaluate colleagues. Ask yourself: "Would I have two beers with this person?" and "Would I allow this person to look after my puppy over a weekend?" People who are "yes and yes" are wonderful colleagues worth seeking out. Those who are "no and no" should be avoided. "Yes and no" people can be cautiously trusted, while "no and yes" people might not be fun but make the world better. Remember that office politics also involves understanding "the score"—where power lies, what leverage people have, and who's actually in charge. By staying aware of these dynamics without becoming obsessed with them, you can navigate workplace relationships with both strategic awareness and personal integrity.

Chapter 5: Developing the Art of Self-Presentation

How we present ourselves physically creates immediate impressions that can either enhance or undermine our professional credibility. About a year after starting at Esquire, McCammon was assigned to be the editorial liaison to the fashion department despite being, by his own admission, one of the magazine's worst dressers. Working with fashion director Nick Sullivan, he began learning about clothes, style, and the powerful psychological impact of how we dress. McCammon initially focused on technical details: how much cuff to show at the end of a jacket sleeve (quarter inch), what a suit's silhouette should look like (narrow, close), why you should never button the top button of a three-button suit (makes you look like a chauffeur), and the cardinal rule of fashion: "Always cut a string, never pull." However, he soon realized he wasn't just learning about clothes—he was learning about confidence. This connection between clothing and psychology has been scientifically documented. Researchers at Columbia University identified a phenomenon they call "enclothed cognition"—the effect of clothing on mental processes. In one study, people who wore a doctor's coat showed higher attention to detail during tasks than those in street clothes. The conclusion: clothes can actually put you in a different psychological state. The power of your favorite shirt or dress lies not just in how it looks but in how it makes you feel. After one meeting with the fashion department where McCammon made self-deprecating comments about his style, a fashion editor offered to help him buy shoes. That evening, they visited stores on Fifth Avenue, and McCammon purchased a pair of cap-toe Oxfords that cost more than he'd ever spent on footwear. "They immediately made me feel more confident, more capable, more comfortable," he writes. Years later, he still wears them, having had them resoled multiple times. The most transformative style concept McCammon encountered was "sprezzatura," introduced by sixteenth-century Italian courtier Baldassare Castiglione as a form of studied nonchalance. In fashion, sprezzatura allows for—even celebrates—imperfection: a slightly askew collar, a missing belt, a "too short" tie. "What the Italians are saying is (and this is a loose translation): 'Give a shit. And then slightly less of a shit,'" McCammon explains. Sprezzatura embraces comfort, individuality, and imperfection. This philosophy extends beyond clothing to all aspects of self-presentation. Your work should show signs of effort but not perfectionism. It should indicate that you're taking chances and trying new things. By embracing sprezzatura in both your appearance and your work, you signal confidence without arrogance, competence without rigidity. Remember: "Style is ordered by rules, but it's not governed by them," and true confidence comes from knowing which rules matter and which ones you can elegantly bend.

Chapter 6: Speaking with Authority When You Don't Feel Confident

Public speaking anxiety affects nearly everyone, even seasoned professionals. McCammon candidly shares his own struggles: "The thing that happens to me is: I have a hard time swallowing. Amazing how many times a minute we swallow. We don't think about it. We just do it. When I have to give a speech, I become conscious of swallowing, and then I get anxiety about making it happen, and then I just... can't... make it happen." His early attempts to manage this anxiety involved unhealthy coping mechanisms, like taking a swig of vodka before a morning panel discussion. He later tried Xanax, which helped with anxiety but numbed the qualities needed for effective speaking: focus and enthusiasm. Eventually, he discovered that understanding the mechanics of public speaking while accepting his natural nervousness was the most effective approach. For those who must give presentations or speeches despite their fears, McCammon offers practical strategies. First, use a formula to structure your speech. Options include the classic three-part approach (tell them what you'll tell them, tell them, tell them what you told them), Dale Carnegie's Magic Formula (personal story, specific action recommendation, explanation of benefits), or the TED Talk format (personal stories building to a shareable conclusion). These frameworks provide scaffolding that supports you when nervousness strikes. Throughout your presentation, make genuine eye contact with five specific people in the audience—one in each corner and one in the middle. Address them directly, occasionally saying "you" to create connection. Open your mouth wider than normal and speak louder than feels comfortable. Most importantly, remember that everyone wants you to succeed. The audience wants an interesting, engaging experience as much as you want to deliver one. McCammon also offers guidance for those who must lead toasts, another common source of anxiety. He suggests keeping toasts early in the event, standing up, holding your drink at chest height, and focusing on sincerity rather than humor. "When it comes to toasting, humor is overrated. Sentiment is the thing," he advises. Rather than preparing notes, which can make you seem disconnected, think about what you genuinely appreciate about the person or occasion and speak from the heart. For impromptu speaking situations, McCammon recommends an approach he learned from interviewing comedian Don Rickles: "Prepare nothing. Do kindness at the end." While professional comedians can get away with jokes that might offend, most of us should focus on kindness throughout. "Sustained sincerity is a shocking thing. It's a memorable thing," he notes. This authenticity creates more impact than forced humor or memorized remarks. The key to speaking with authority isn't eliminating nervousness but channeling it productively. By preparing thoroughly, focusing on connection rather than perfection, and speaking from genuine conviction, you can communicate powerfully even when your confidence wavers.

Chapter 7: Building Professional Relationships That Matter

Meaningful professional relationships are built on authenticity, curiosity, and mutual respect. Throughout his career, McCammon discovered that the most valuable connections came not from networking strategies but from genuine interactions where both parties recognized each other's humanity. When interviewing celebrities for Esquire, McCammon noticed a pattern: the most engaging conversations happened when he asked about the specifics of their lives and work rather than generic questions. Interviewing supermodel Bar Refaeli, he found the conversation lifeless until he asked, "How do you model? Like, how do you do it?" This prompted her to demonstrate the technical aspects of her profession—extending her leg like a ballerina, making her collarbone more prominent—turning a mundane interview into a fascinating discussion of craft. Similarly, when interviewing rapper 50 Cent (Curtis Jackson), McCammon was initially nervous about discussing sensitive topics like Jackson's mother's death and being shot nine times. However, the interview began with Jackson's disarming smile and statement: "This is going to be an interesting interview." This simple acknowledgment set a collaborative tone that made the conversation productive and meaningful. "He wanted his time with me to matter," McCammon reflects. "He wanted to be surprised and delighted. He wanted everyone to relax." The lesson from these encounters applies to all professional relationships: people want to be seen as individuals with specific knowledge and experiences, not just as their job titles. When talking with anyone from interns to executives, ask about what they actually do day-to-day rather than making small talk or focusing solely on outcomes. "People love talking about what they actually do for a living. Not their jobs but their work," McCammon notes. Building relationships also requires appropriate boundaries and respect for others' time and space. McCammon offers practical advice for various professional situations, from business lunches (sit next to your companion rather than across from them) to elevator conversations (acknowledge the shared experience rather than pretending the other person doesn't exist). He emphasizes that authentic connection comes from curiosity, not calculation. The most enduring professional relationships involve mutual growth and learning. McCammon writes, "The people I admire most are those who question their abilities even as they succeed. People who act as though their success wasn't preordained." These individuals—who combine confidence with humility and expertise with curiosity—create environments where everyone can contribute and develop. To build better professional relationships today, approach each interaction with genuine interest in the other person. Ask specific questions about their work processes, listen attentively to their answers, and look for opportunities to collaborate in ways that leverage both your strengths. Remember that meaningful connections aren't formed through networking strategies but through authentic engagement with the people around you.

Summary

Throughout these chapters, we've explored how embracing your outsider status can become your greatest professional strength. The feelings of impostorism that many of us experience aren't signs of inadequacy but opportunities for growth and authentic connection. As McCammon powerfully states, "Impostorism is not something to overcome. It's not something to 'fake' your way out of. You can't 'fake it to make it.' No, you need to harness your fear to work for you." The journey from outsider to confident professional doesn't require eliminating self-doubt or anxiety—it requires channeling these feelings productively while developing practical skills for various workplace situations. Whether you're making first impressions, navigating office politics, or building meaningful relationships, success comes from combining authenticity with strategic awareness. Take one small step today: the next time you enter a professional setting feeling like an impostor, remind yourself that everyone around you harbors similar insecurities. Then use that knowledge not as a reason to withdraw but as motivation to engage with curiosity, integrity, and your unique perspective.

About Author

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Ross McCammon

Ross McCammon has been a senior editor at Esquire magazine since 2005, where he’s responsible for the magazine’s coverage of pop culture, drinking, cars, and etiquette. He has edited Esquire’s “Dubious Achievement Awards” and the long-running annual feature “The Best Bars in America,” writes the monthly feature “The Rules,” and is a frequent contributor to the magazine’s back-page humor section “This Way Out.” For three years he has been the business etiquette columnist at Entrepreneur magazine. His humor has been collected in Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans: The Best of McSweeney’s Humor Category, edited by Dave Eggers. He lives in Westchester County, New York, with his wife and son.

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