Dare to Lead

Dare to Lead Plot Summary

Introduction

Leadership today demands more than just technical skills and strategic thinking. In a world filled with uncertainty and rapid change, the greatest challenge for leaders isn't mastering processes or systems—it's having the courage to show up authentically when outcomes aren't guaranteed. Many of us have been taught that vulnerability is weakness, that we should hide our doubts and fears behind a mask of certainty. But what if this conventional wisdom is exactly what's holding us back from becoming the leaders our organizations desperately need? The research is clear: the most effective leaders aren't those who project perfection and invulnerability. They're the ones who have the courage to rumble with discomfort, to embrace uncertainty, and to lead with their whole hearts. This journey isn't easy—it requires us to shed our armor, face our fears, and step into the arena with no guarantees. But the rewards—deeper connections, greater innovation, and cultures where people can truly thrive—make it worth the risk. The path to daring leadership begins with understanding that our vulnerability isn't our weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage.

Chapter 1: Recognize When Vulnerability Becomes Your Power

Vulnerability is widely misunderstood in leadership contexts. Far from being a weakness, vulnerability is the emotion we experience during times of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It's the feeling that accompanies every brave action we take when we can't control the outcome. The research reveals something surprising: vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, trust, and engagement—precisely the qualities organizations need most in today's complex environment. Dr. Brown's research with thousands of leaders across diverse industries revealed that courage and vulnerability are inextricably linked. One military leader she interviewed put it perfectly: "I've never witnessed a single act of courage that didn't require the person to be vulnerable." Whether it's speaking up with a new idea that might fail, giving difficult feedback, or admitting you don't have all the answers, leadership requires stepping into uncertainty. The most courageous leaders understand that vulnerability isn't about sharing everything with everyone; it's about having the courage to show up when you can't predict or control the outcome. Consider Colonel DeDe Halfhill, who commands a military unit of 1,800 airmen. During a routine award presentation, a young airman asked her when the intense operational tempo would slow down because everyone was exhausted. Rather than dismissing the concern or offering platitudes, Colonel Halfhill took a risk. She acknowledged their exhaustion but then shared research suggesting that what often presents as exhaustion is actually loneliness. Then she asked a vulnerable question: "How many of you would say you're lonely?" To her surprise, nearly a quarter of the room raised their hands. This moment could have been deeply uncomfortable—Colonel Halfhill admitted she had an "Oh shit" moment, realizing she wasn't prepared for this level of honesty. But instead of retreating, she leaned in. "This breaks my heart," she told them. "I'm not entirely sure what to do with this information." She opened a candid conversation about building relationships and creating community. This vulnerable exchange provided invaluable insight that helped address the real issue: connection and inclusion rather than just workload. The key to recognizing when vulnerability becomes power lies in understanding the difference between appropriate vulnerability and oversharing. Effective vulnerability in leadership means being transparent about challenges, asking for help when needed, acknowledging mistakes, and showing up authentically—even when it's uncomfortable. It doesn't mean sharing personal traumas or emotions without boundaries. The question to ask is: "Is this sharing in service of the work and the relationship, or is it in service of my own emotional release?" When you feel that flutter of uncertainty before speaking a difficult truth or taking a risk, recognize it as a signal that you're about to do something courageous. Vulnerability isn't the goal—courage is. Vulnerability is simply the path we must walk to get there.

Chapter 2: Master the Art of Rumbling with Discomfort

"Rumbling" with vulnerability means developing the capacity to stay in uncomfortable conversations and situations rather than avoiding them or armoring up. It's about cultivating the skills to face uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure with clarity and courage. The research shows that leaders who can effectively rumble with discomfort build stronger teams, make better decisions, and create cultures where innovation thrives. When Stefan Larsson took over as CEO of Old Navy, the iconic American brand had faltered for years. What he discovered was that the once entrepreneurial, fast-moving culture had become hierarchical, siloed, and fear-based. Team members understood the challenges but were afraid to voice concerns or take action. "Most team members wouldn't speak up in larger settings because of the fear of looking bad or making someone else look bad," Larsson explains. To transform the culture, he focused on building trust by creating spaces where people could rumble with vulnerability. Larsson implemented weekly learning sessions with his top sixty leaders, with a fundamental shift in perspective: they would no longer judge outcomes as good or bad, but simply as outcomes they could learn from. "We would stop the shaming and blaming and continuously ask ourselves, 'What did we set out to do, what happened, what did we learn, and how fast can we improve on it?'" The management team physically moved into one big room with glass walls and unlocked doors to enable openness and teamwork. They encouraged all team members to come by with ideas and thoughts. The transformation wasn't immediate. "At first, people were hesitant to believe that we were really serious about the no shaming and blaming," Larsson recalls. But over time, people began speaking up in meetings, sharing outcomes that had underdelivered, and showing more vulnerability. Trust grew as they realized they were all in it together. The focus shifted from fear of failure to continuous learning and improvement. To master the art of rumbling with discomfort, start by recognizing when you're emotionally hooked. Physical cues like a racing heart, dry mouth, or tightness in your chest signal that you're in a vulnerable moment. Instead of armoring up or shutting down, practice staying curious. Tactical breathing—inhaling for four counts, holding for four, exhaling for four, and holding for four—can help regulate your nervous system during difficult conversations. Develop rumble starters that create space for honest dialogue: "The story I'm making up is..." "I'm curious about..." "Help me understand..." "What problem are we trying to solve?" These phrases create openings for genuine connection rather than defensive posturing. Remember that rumbling isn't about being comfortable—it's about staying engaged when things get uncomfortable. The result of Larsson's approach speaks for itself: Old Navy delivered twelve consecutive quarters of growth and added $1 billion in sales in three years. But what he's most proud of is "being able to empower my team to take vulnerability and make it into a strength, to foster a culture of trust, openness, and collaboration, and to shift our mentality to one of continuous learning."

Chapter 3: Define and Live Your Core Values Daily

Values are more than just aspirational words on a wall—they're the principles that guide your behavior, especially during challenging times. Research shows that the most resilient leaders can identify one or two core values that anchor their decisions and actions. These values serve as a North Star when navigating difficult terrain, helping leaders stay aligned with what matters most even when facing pressure to compromise. One leader in the study described a pivotal moment when her value of courage was tested. As a school principal, she recognized that addressing academic disparities between different student groups would require having tough conversations about equity—conversations many preferred to avoid. "If not me, then who? If not now, then when?" she asked herself. Rather than continuing with "the way we've always done it," she chose to lead these potentially emotionally charged discussions despite the discomfort. The process of defining your values begins with honest self-reflection. From a comprehensive list of values like accountability, achievement, connection, or creativity, you must narrow down to the one or two that truly define who you are at your best. This isn't about selecting values that sound impressive—it's about identifying the principles that already guide your behavior when you're living in alignment with your authentic self. The next crucial step is translating these abstract values into specific behaviors. For example, if courage is your core value, behaviors might include "speaking truth to power even when it's uncomfortable," "taking appropriate risks," and "owning mistakes publicly." Equally important is identifying "slippery behaviors"—actions that signal you're moving away from your values, like "choosing comfort over what's right" or "staying silent to avoid conflict." Living your values requires both external and internal support. Identify the people in your life who know your values and support your efforts to live into them—your "empathy section." These are the people who will both encourage you when you're struggling and hold you accountable when you stray. Self-compassion is equally important; recognize that living your values is challenging work, and you'll sometimes fall short. The research revealed that values-aligned leadership transforms organizations. When leaders clearly articulate and consistently demonstrate their values, it creates psychological safety for team members to do the same. One organization transformed their performance management system by grounding it in their core values of bravery, service, and care. Each value was operationalized into observable behaviors that could be taught, measured, and evaluated. This approach not only set clear expectations but also created a shared language and well-defined culture. Remember, values aren't just what we profess—they're what we practice. Integrity means choosing what's right over what's fun, fast, or easy. It means practicing your values rather than simply talking about them, especially when doing so is difficult.

Chapter 4: Build Trust Through the BRAVING Framework

Trust is the foundation upon which all meaningful leadership is built. Without it, teams cannot collaborate effectively, innovation stagnates, and engagement plummets. Yet despite its importance, many leaders struggle to talk about trust directly, often avoiding these conversations until problems become severe. The research reveals that we need a more specific approach—a shared language that allows us to discuss trust in actionable terms. The BRAVING framework emerged from the data as a practical tool for understanding and building trust. Each letter represents a component of trustworthiness: Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Nonjudgment, and Generosity. Rather than having vague conversations about "trust issues," this framework allows leaders to identify exactly where trust has been compromised and how to repair it. Brent Ladd, a director at Purdue University, discovered how transformative this approach could be. As a professional staff member at a large research university, he often felt caught between different roles and departments. "I'm an introvert with a big dose of Puritan work ethic and a rural cultural background that taught me a successful man doesn't ask for help, he does it himself," he explains. Through the daring leadership work, Ladd realized he hadn't been building positive relationships with colleagues. His perfectionism and tendency to judge others' work harshly—even if he kept it mostly to himself—came through loud and clear. Ladd committed to changing his approach. "I made a commitment to start building trust and connection with the people I worked with each day by simply engaging with them for a few minutes on a personal level," he shares. "This initially felt a little weird for me and was not easy for me to do. I tend to avoid personal encounters—and have tended to divide the work world from the 'rest of my life' world." Yet he persisted, making it a priority each day to engage with everyone in the office. To apply the BRAVING framework in your own leadership, start by examining each component. Are you respecting boundaries—both yours and others'? Do you do what you say you'll do, even in small matters? Do you hold yourself accountable when you make mistakes? Do you keep confidences and avoid sharing information that isn't yours to share? Do you choose what's right over what's easy? Can you ask for what you need without judgment? And do you extend the most generous interpretation possible to others' actions and intentions? The framework works equally well for self-trust. When we fail or experience setbacks, self-trust is often the first casualty. By applying the BRAVING components to our relationship with ourselves, we can rebuild that foundation. For example, under Reliability, ask: "Can I count on myself? Do I follow through on the commitments I make to myself?" Over time, Ladd's efforts paid off. "Trust and connection have grown. I feel more of a sense of being part of a team, and have engaged in more sharing of professional efforts as a result." The BRAVING framework didn't just improve his work relationships—it helped him confront a long-held fear about his academic credentials that had held him back from contributing fully. "I had carried around this sense of 'I'm not enough' due to the absence of achieving my doctorate," he admits. By building trust with himself and others, he found the courage to submit his research to a professional conference despite his fears.

Chapter 5: Transform Setbacks into Growth with Rising Skills

Resilience—the ability to recover from setbacks, adapt to change, and keep going in the face of adversity—is essential for daring leadership. The research reveals a surprising insight: teaching resilience skills before failures occur is far more effective than trying to develop them after a fall. Just as skydivers learn how to land safely before they jump, leaders need "rising skills" before they face inevitable setbacks. The Learning to Rise process that emerged from the research consists of three parts: the reckoning, the rumble, and the revolution. This process provides a roadmap for transforming failures and disappointments into valuable learning experiences that ultimately strengthen leadership capacity. Consider the story Dr. Brown shares about a time when she was overwhelmed with launching a new company, going on a book tour, and training fifteen hundred people—all within a three-week period. One evening, her husband Steve came home and commented that there wasn't any lunch meat in the house. Instead of recognizing her emotional state, she immediately went on the offensive, sarcastically suggesting he drive to the grocery store himself. What could have escalated into a full-blown argument was transformed when she used a key rising skill: "The story I'm making up right now is that you want to make sure that I know that you know how bad things suck right now." This simple phrase—"the story I'm making up"—is perhaps the most powerful tool in the rising skills arsenal. It acknowledges that in the absence of data, we naturally create narratives to make sense of situations, and these narratives are often driven by our fears and insecurities. By recognizing these stories as stories rather than facts, we create space for curiosity and connection rather than reaction and defensiveness. The reckoning begins with recognizing when you're emotionally hooked by something and getting curious about it. Instead of offloading emotions through behaviors like blaming, numbing, or stockpiling hurt, risers pause and pay attention to their physical and emotional responses. The rumble involves examining the stories you're telling yourself, checking them against reality, and exploring what's really going on beneath the surface. The revolution happens when you integrate what you've learned into how you think, feel, and behave going forward. To practice these skills in your own leadership, start by developing emotional awareness. When something triggers a strong reaction, pause and identify what you're feeling. Then capture your "shitty first draft"—the unfiltered story you're telling yourself about what's happening. Ask yourself: "What more do I need to learn about the situation? What assumptions am I making? What's my part in this?" Writing down your SFD gives you power to examine it objectively rather than acting on it impulsively. Organizations can use this process through a structured "Story Rumble" when teams experience conflict or failure. By bringing people together to share their SFDs in a container of psychological safety, teams can identify misunderstandings, check assumptions, and develop shared understanding that leads to better solutions. As one leader put it: "You can spend a reasonable amount of time attending to feelings and fears, or you can squander an unreasonable time managing unproductive behaviors." The ultimate goal is to own your stories so they don't own you. When we deny our stories of struggle, they drive our behavior from the shadows. When we rumble with them and own them, we get to write new endings.

Chapter 6: Create Cultures Where Courage Thrives

Creating a culture where courage thrives requires intentional effort and consistent modeling from leaders. The research shows that courage is contagious—when leaders demonstrate brave behavior, it catalyzes similar responses throughout the organization. However, this doesn't happen automatically; it requires creating environments where vulnerability is welcomed rather than punished. Dr. Sanée Bell, a school principal, transformed her leadership approach by focusing on three specific areas: practicing vulnerability, increasing self-awareness, and developing tools for tough conversations. "When I began my daring leadership journey, I was a successful school leader," she explains. "During my second principalship, I did a deep dive into this daring leadership work and realized that I had only scratched the surface of what it means to dare to lead." Bell discovered that sharing her personal story of growing up in situational poverty and a broken home helped her staff understand her commitment to building a supportive school environment. "By sharing my story and my why for leading, I helped my staff understand my purpose, passion, and commitment to courage. It also gave others permission to practice vulnerability and to be brave in sharing and owning their life journey." This vulnerability created connection and trust that made addressing difficult issues possible. To create a courage culture in your organization, start by examining what gets in the way. The research identified ten common barriers, including avoiding tough conversations, responding to fear with control, allowing perfectionism to stifle learning, and choosing comfort over courage when discussing diversity and inclusion. Addressing these barriers requires both systemic changes and individual skill development. Psychological safety—the shared belief that team members won't be punished or humiliated for speaking up—forms the foundation of courage cultures. Leaders can build this safety by modeling vulnerability, rewarding honest feedback, normalizing discomfort, and celebrating learning from failure. Simple practices like "container-building" before difficult conversations can make a significant difference. Ask team members what they need to feel safe sharing their thoughts, and establish ground rules that honor those needs. Bell implemented this approach when addressing academic disparities between different student groups. "I knew there was a critical and urgent need to move past the 'This is the way we have always done it' attitude held by many people on our campus," she writes. Her strategy was "to be intentional about building enough trust and connection to talk about equity issues, and to commit to helping those who are normally silenced acquire the skills and grounded confidence to participate in these tough conversations." The results were transformative. By developing structured protocols for hard conversations, celebrating what works, and changing what doesn't add value, Bell changed the narrative of her school. "I changed the narrative of our school by growing power with people through distributive and collaborative leadership, and by empowering others to lead." Remember that creating courage cultures isn't about eliminating discomfort—it's about developing the capacity to stay engaged despite discomfort. As one leader noted, "We can either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or we can squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior."

Chapter 7: Practice Self-Compassion as a Leadership Tool

Self-compassion—treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a good friend—is perhaps the most overlooked leadership skill. The research reveals that leaders who practice self-compassion demonstrate greater resilience, make better decisions under pressure, and create healthier team dynamics. Yet many leaders resist self-compassion, believing that self-criticism drives performance and self-kindness leads to complacency. Dr. Kristin Neff's research, which aligns with the daring leadership findings, identifies three elements of self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-kindness means being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer or fail, rather than ignoring our pain or criticizing ourselves harshly. Common humanity recognizes that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience—something we all go through rather than something that happens to "me" alone. Mindfulness involves taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. One leader in the study described how her lack of self-compassion manifested after suffering a concussion. "I wasn't raised with the skills and emotional practice needed to rumble with vulnerability. So I resorted to numbing," she explains. Growing up with the belief that illness is weakness, she pushed herself to return to work despite her doctor's advice to rest. "The harder I tried to get back to normal, the worse it got. Every time I pushed, I regressed." This pattern continued until a young friend who had experienced a similar injury helped her see that fighting against her condition was making it worse. To practice self-compassion in your leadership, start by becoming aware of your self-talk. When you make a mistake or face a setback, notice if your inner voice becomes harsh and judgmental. Practice speaking to yourself as you would to someone you deeply care about. Instead of "You're such an idiot," try "This is really hard, and you're doing the best you can with what you know right now." Recognize that imperfection is part of the shared human experience. When you're struggling, remind yourself that you're not alone—difficulty and failure are universal experiences. This perspective helps counter the isolation that often accompanies suffering and allows you to see setbacks as part of being human rather than evidence of personal deficiency. Mindfulness—paying attention to your emotions without judgment—helps you avoid getting caught in destructive patterns like rumination or avoidance. When difficult emotions arise, acknowledge them without either suppressing them or becoming overwhelmed by them. This balanced awareness creates space for responding thoughtfully rather than reacting automatically. Self-compassion isn't just beneficial for individual leaders—it transforms organizational cultures. When leaders model self-compassion, they create psychological safety for team members to acknowledge mistakes, ask for help, and take appropriate risks. This foundation of safety enables the vulnerability necessary for innovation, creativity, and meaningful connection. Remember that self-compassion isn't self-indulgence or letting yourself off the hook. Research shows that self-compassionate people actually hold themselves to higher standards and demonstrate greater personal responsibility than those driven by self-criticism. The difference is that self-compassionate people are motivated by care rather than fear, leading to more sustainable performance and greater well-being.

Summary

The journey to daring leadership isn't about perfection—it's about courage. Throughout this exploration, we've discovered that true leadership strength comes not from having all the answers or projecting invulnerability, but from the willingness to rumble with uncertainty, live our values, build trust, and rise from setbacks with greater wisdom. As Dr. Brown powerfully states, "The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." When we avoid difficult conversations, uncomfortable emotions, or the risk of failure, we also avoid the connection, innovation, and growth that give leadership its meaning. Your path forward begins with a single brave choice. Whether it's having that difficult conversation you've been avoiding, sharing your ideas despite the risk of criticism, or simply acknowledging your own humanity when you fall short, courage starts with small acts of vulnerability. Remember that you don't have to be perfect—you just have to be brave. And bravery isn't the absence of fear; it's feeling afraid and choosing to act anyway. As you step into your arena, whatever that may be, know that the world needs more leaders who have the courage to lead with their whole hearts.

About Author

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Brené Brown

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