Untrue

Untrue Plot Summary

Introduction

The notion that women are naturally monogamous while men are naturally promiscuous has been a cornerstone of scientific, religious, and cultural narratives for centuries. This powerful myth has shaped everything from marriage laws to scientific research, creating a framework that positions female sexual autonomy as deviant or pathological. Yet mounting evidence from evolutionary biology, anthropology, psychology, and cross-cultural studies suggests that female sexuality is far more complex, varied, and potentially non-monogamous than conventional wisdom acknowledges. The cultural construction of female monogamy appears increasingly to be just that—a construction rather than a biological reality. By examining the historical, cultural, and scientific forces that have shaped our understanding of female sexuality, we can begin to recognize how deeply these narratives have influenced even our most "objective" inquiries. The evidence challenges us to reconsider fundamental assumptions about gender differences in desire, the naturalness of monogamy for women, and the moral frameworks we apply to female sexual behavior. This reconsideration has profound implications not just for how we understand human sexuality but for how we structure relationships, families, and societies. Moving beyond simplistic biological determinism toward a more nuanced understanding of female desire as adaptive and contextual allows us to develop approaches to relationships that honor the complexity of human sexuality.

Chapter 1: The Cultural Construction of Female Monogamy

The belief that women are naturally inclined toward sexual restraint and monogamy has been embedded in cultural narratives across societies and throughout history. This belief system has shaped everything from religious doctrines to legal codes, creating powerful social structures that constrain female sexual expression. From Victorian-era physicians who diagnosed women expressing sexual desire as suffering from "hysteria" to contemporary relationship advice that assumes women naturally prioritize emotional connection over physical pleasure, these narratives have positioned female sexual autonomy as deviant or pathological. The cultural construction of female monogamy gained particular strength with the advent of agriculture approximately 10,000-12,000 years ago. The shift from hunting and gathering to farming fundamentally reorganized gender roles and sexual norms in ways that continue to influence our understanding of female sexuality today. As private property and inheritance became central concerns, men needed to ensure that the children who would inherit their land were biologically theirs, creating unprecedented interest in controlling female sexuality. Virginity became prized, and female sexual fidelity was enforced through social norms, religious teachings, and sometimes violence. This historical legacy continues to influence contemporary attitudes toward female sexuality. Scientific research has often reinforced these biases, with studies designed to confirm rather than test assumptions about female sexual nature. The medicalization of female sexuality has pathologized normal variations in desire, while popular culture continues to perpetuate narratives that position sexually autonomous women as dangerous or damaged. These cultural forces create what sociologist Alicia Walker calls "the infidelity workaround"—strategies women develop to navigate their desires within constrained circumstances. The double standards applied to male and female sexuality remain pervasive in modern society. Media representations typically portray female infidelity as more shocking, more destructive, and more deserving of punishment than male infidelity. Literary and film narratives from Emma Bovary to Anna Karenina to modern cinema typically show unfaithful women suffering devastating consequences, while unfaithful men are often portrayed as engaging in natural, if regrettable, behavior. These narratives normalize male infidelity while pathologizing female infidelity, suggesting that women who stray are fundamentally broken rather than responding to universal human desires for novelty and passion. The economic consequences of infidelity and divorce fall disproportionately on women, creating powerful deterrents against female sexual autonomy. Studies consistently show that women experience a significant financial decline following divorce, with one report finding that divorced women had assets valued at 90% less than their married peers. This economic vulnerability means that women often calculate the potential costs of discovery when considering acting on their desires. Men, who typically fare better economically after divorce, face fewer practical constraints on their sexual choices.

Chapter 2: Evolutionary Evidence Against Natural Female Sexual Restraint

The scientific foundation for the belief in women's natural monogamy has rested largely on Charles Darwin's theory of sexual selection and Angus Bateman's influential 1948 study of fruit flies. Darwin characterized females as "coy" and "passive" in their mating strategies, while males were described as "ardent" and "pugnacious." Bateman's work, later popularized by sociobiologist Robert Trivers, became the foundation for evolutionary psychology's assertions about fundamental differences between male and female sexuality. The "Bateman paradigm" suggested that because eggs are "expensive" to produce while sperm is "cheap," females evolved to be choosy and sexually conservative while males evolved to seek multiple partners. However, this foundational theory has been thoroughly challenged in recent decades. In 2012, evolutionary biologist Patricia Adair Gowaty attempted to replicate Bateman's famous experiment with modern DNA analysis techniques and found his results could not be reproduced, revealing fundamental methodological flaws in the original research. Other researchers discovered that sperm production is more energetically costly than previously thought, and that males can experience sperm depletion, contradicting the notion that male reproduction is unlimited. Field studies of primates and other animals revealed that females of many species actively seek multiple mating partners and benefit reproductively from doing so. Human females evolved with anatomical features that support the possibility of multiple mating. The human clitoris, with its thousands of nerve endings dedicated solely to pleasure, suggests that female sexual enjoyment served evolutionary purposes beyond pair bonding with a single male. Unlike most mammals, human females do not advertise fertility through obvious physical signals, making ovulation largely concealed. This concealed ovulation means that males cannot easily determine when a female is fertile, potentially encouraging multiple matings throughout the menstrual cycle and reducing male certainty about paternity. The structure of female reproductive anatomy provides further clues about our evolutionary sexual history. The human cervix appears designed not simply to block sperm but to filter and assess multiple types of sperm simultaneously, suggesting an evolutionary history where women mated with multiple partners. Similarly, male anatomy shows adaptations that would only make evolutionary sense in a context of female multiple mating—including the penis's coronal ridge, which effectively removes rival males' sperm, and the relatively large size of human testes compared to those of more strictly monogamous primates. Primatologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy's groundbreaking work with langur monkeys demonstrated that females who mate with multiple males can protect their offspring from infanticide, as males are less likely to kill infants they might have fathered. This strategy, known as paternity confusion, represents a sophisticated female reproductive strategy rather than mere passivity or submission to male desires. In some human societies with "partible paternity" beliefs, women deliberately mate with multiple men to secure resources and protection for their children from several potential fathers. These findings suggest that female promiscuity can be an adaptive strategy rather than a deviation from natural behavior.

Chapter 3: Cross-Cultural Patterns of Female Sexual Autonomy

Anthropological evidence reveals diverse cultural systems where female multiple mating is normalized, institutionalized, and even celebrated. Among the Himba pastoralists of Namibia, anthropologist Brooke Scelza documented that nearly 18 percent of all births were attributed to men other than the mother's husband. These "omoka" children (meaning "children from the far place we go to get water") were not hidden or stigmatized. Importantly, Scelza found that women in arranged marriages who had children with lovers showed improved reproductive success compared to women who remained sexually exclusive to their husbands, demonstrating tangible benefits to this strategy. The concept of "partible paternity" – the belief that a child can have multiple biological fathers – appears in numerous indigenous South American cultures. Among the Aché of Paraguay, women actively seek sex with multiple men during pregnancy, believing that each man's contribution strengthens the developing child. Anthropologist Stephen Beckerman found that among the Bari people, children with secondary fathers had significantly higher survival rates than those with only one recognized father, with 80 percent of children with multiple fathers surviving to age fifteen compared to only 64 percent of those with single fathers. The Mosuo of southwestern China practice a system called "walking marriage" where women maintain sexual autonomy throughout their lives. Women live with their maternal family and invite male partners to visit at night, with no expectation of permanent partnership or paternal investment. Children are raised within the mother's household with support from maternal uncles rather than biological fathers. This system grants women complete sexual freedom while ensuring stable family structures for children. Similar arrangements exist among the Minangkabau of Indonesia, where property passes through the female line and women maintain considerable sexual autonomy despite nominal adherence to Islam. Even in societies with formal monogamy, anthropologists have documented widespread patterns of informal polyandry (women having multiple male partners). Ethnographic evidence of such arrangements has been reported in at least 53 societies worldwide. These arrangements often emerge in specific ecological contexts: when men outnumber women, when single men struggle to provide adequate resources, when women have economic autonomy, or when kinship systems provide alternative support for children. Rather than representing moral failings, these patterns reflect pragmatic adaptations to specific environmental and social conditions. Historical evidence further challenges the universality of female monogamy. In pre-colonial Hawaii, high-ranking women often took multiple lovers, while in parts of Tibet, fraternal polyandry (multiple brothers sharing one wife) was common practice. In Lesotho, married women often have a "motsoalle"—a special female friend who is also a sexual partner. In Suriname, working-class women participate in the "mati" system, maintaining sexual relationships with both men and women. These diverse arrangements demonstrate that female monogamy is not a human universal but rather a cultural construction that varies widely across societies and historical periods.

Chapter 4: How Agriculture Reshaped Female Sexuality

The agricultural revolution, which began approximately 10,000-12,000 years ago in the Fertile Crescent, represents a pivotal turning point in human sexual relations. Far from being merely an economic transition, the shift from hunting and gathering to farming fundamentally reorganized gender roles and sexual norms in ways that continue to influence our understanding of female sexuality today. This transformation was not simply a matter of changing subsistence strategies; it created new power dynamics that systematically disadvantaged women and restricted their sexual autonomy. Before agriculture, human groups typically lived as cooperative breeders in relatively egalitarian bands. Women contributed significantly to subsistence through gathering, which often provided the majority of calories in hunter-gatherer diets. Archaeological evidence and studies of contemporary foraging societies suggest that women in these contexts maintained considerable sexual and social autonomy. They often lived matrilocally, remaining with their kin networks for life, which provided them with social support and protection. Sexual practices were likely more fluid, with less emphasis on exclusive pair bonding. The introduction of plough agriculture dramatically altered this arrangement. A comprehensive 2013 study by Harvard and UCLA economists demonstrated that societies that historically used plough agriculture developed significantly more gender-biased attitudes and practices than those that relied on hoe cultivation or other farming methods. The plough required upper body strength to control, making it difficult to combine with childcare, and thus created a rigid gendered division of labor: men worked in the fields while women were relegated to domestic tasks inside the home. This division had profound consequences. Women's economic contributions became less visible and valued, reducing their status and bargaining power. The concept of private property emerged alongside agriculture, and with it came concerns about paternity and inheritance. Men needed to ensure that the children who would inherit their land were biologically theirs, creating unprecedented interest in controlling female sexuality. Virginity became prized, and female sexual fidelity was enforced through social norms, religious teachings, and sometimes violence. The legacy of plough agriculture persists even in modern, industrialized societies. The Harvard-UCLA study found that contemporary societies with historical exposure to plough agriculture still have lower rates of female labor force participation and more gender-biased attitudes than those without this history. These effects remain even after controlling for religion, economic development, and other factors. Remarkably, even immigrants from plough-using societies carry these attitudes to new countries, demonstrating the deep cultural entrenchment of these norms. The connection between agriculture and female sexual constraint helps explain why seemingly universal attitudes about female sexuality may actually be culturally specific. It suggests that many of our assumptions about "natural" female monogamy are relatively recent cultural adaptations rather than biological imperatives. Understanding this history allows us to recognize how deeply our sexual norms have been shaped by specific economic arrangements rather than innate gender differences.

Chapter 5: The Biology of Female Sexual Fluidity

Female sexual desire and behavior exist at the complex intersection of biology and culture, with neither fully determining women's experiences. Recent scientific research has revealed surprising biological realities about female sexuality that contradict long-held cultural assumptions, while also demonstrating how powerfully cultural contexts shape the expression of these biological potentials. This interplay challenges simplistic narratives about what is "natural" for women sexually. The female body itself tells a story of sexual complexity and potential variety that contradicts cultural narratives of passive female sexuality. The human clitoris, once thought to be merely a small external button, is now known to be an extensive organ with more than 8,000 nerve endings in just its visible portion—fourteen times the density found in the most sensitive part of the male penis. Unlike men, women are capable of multiple sequential orgasms without a refractory period. This biological capacity for sustained pleasure suggests an evolutionary history where women might have benefited from multiple sexual encounters, possibly with different partners. Studies of female sexual response conducted by researchers like Meredith Chivers reveal that women's bodies respond to a remarkably wide range of sexual stimuli—including scenarios involving both men and women, regardless of the woman's stated sexual orientation. This "category non-specific" arousal pattern suggests that female sexuality may be inherently more fluid and flexible than previously understood. Psychologist Lisa Diamond's longitudinal research on female sexual identity confirms this fluidity, documenting how women's attractions and behaviors can shift over time in response to specific relationships and contexts. Laboratory studies of female sexual response have further complicated the picture of female desire. Chivers' research found that women show physiological arousal to a much wider range of sexual stimuli than men, including scenarios that do not match their stated preferences or orientation. This suggests that female arousal operates somewhat independently from conscious desire, creating complex patterns that defy simple categorization. Similarly, Marta Meana's research on "erotic self-focus" – the finding that many women are aroused by feeling themselves desired – challenges the notion that female sexuality is primarily responsive rather than spontaneous. Neurobiological research has identified that women's brains respond to novel sexual partners with dopamine surges similar to those experienced by men, contradicting the assumption that women are neurologically wired for monogamy. Studies of women's fantasies reveal themes of multiple partners, anonymous encounters, and sexual variety that directly contradict stereotypes about female sexual psychology. Even research on the genetics of female sexuality suggests greater complexity than previously acknowledged, with evidence that female sexual response evolved partly to facilitate choice among multiple partners. The contrast between these biological realities and cultural constraints on female sexuality demonstrates how powerfully social contexts can override or channel biological potentials. Female sexual fluidity and desire for variety appear to be biological realities, but their expression depends heavily on whether social conditions permit or punish such expression. This explains why female sexual behavior varies so dramatically across cultures and historical periods—not because women's fundamental nature differs, but because the constraints and opportunities they face differ.

Chapter 6: Economic and Social Constraints on Female Desire

The expression of female sexuality is profoundly shaped by environmental and social constraints that vary across cultures and contexts. These constraints create the conditions under which women make sexual choices, often limiting their options in ways that are invisible or taken for granted. Understanding these constraints helps explain why female sexual behavior differs across societies and historical periods, and why individual women may make seemingly contradictory sexual choices. Economic dependency represents one of the most powerful constraints on female sexual autonomy. In societies where women have limited access to resources or income, their sexual and reproductive choices are necessarily influenced by survival considerations. The story of "Sarah," a financial asset manager interviewed for this research, illustrates how even economically successful women calculate the potential costs of sexual freedom. Despite her strong attraction to a man who was not her husband, Sarah initially refrained from pursuing the relationship partly because she feared divorce would mean financial hardship for her children. Studies confirm that women typically experience a 20% drop in income after divorce, with effects that can last a lifetime. Physical safety concerns also constrain female sexuality. Women who have sex with strangers face significantly higher risks of violence than men in similar situations. The Florida State University study often cited to prove women are "less interested" in casual sex fails to account for these safety considerations. When researchers control for the risk of physical harm, women's willingness to engage in casual sex increases dramatically. This suggests that apparent gender differences in sexual desire may reflect different risk assessments rather than different levels of desire. Social surveillance and reputation costs create another layer of constraint. In many communities, women's sexual behavior is closely monitored by family members, religious institutions, and peers. The potential social consequences of being labeled promiscuous—from ostracism to loss of custody in divorce proceedings—lead many women to suppress or hide their sexual desires. As one interview subject explained, being caught in an affair would make her "The Scarlet Mom" in her community, a stigma that could affect not just her social standing but her relationship with her children. Legal systems, while ostensibly gender-neutral, often perpetuate double standards in practice. Even in jurisdictions with "no-fault" divorce laws, women interviewed expressed concern that judges might view female infidelity more harshly than male infidelity in custody determinations. This fear is not unfounded; historical legal codes explicitly treated female adultery more severely than male adultery, and these attitudes continue to influence contemporary legal practice. The perception that courts will punish "cheating mothers" more harshly than "cheating fathers" creates another layer of constraint on female sexual autonomy. Access to social support networks significantly influences women's sexual freedom. Anthropological research shows that women with strong connections to their families of origin and female peers have greater sexual autonomy. This explains why female infidelity is more common in societies with matrilocal residence patterns, where women remain near their kin after marriage. Without such support, women like "Annika," another interview subject, can become isolated and dependent on male partners, severely limiting their sexual options.

Chapter 7: Beyond Infidelity: Female Sexuality as Adaptive Strategy

The concept of "infidelity" itself requires critical examination. The term presupposes that sexual exclusivity is the natural baseline from which deviations occur, rather than recognizing that human sexuality evolved in contexts where multiple mating was likely common. Anthropologist Sarah Hrdy's research suggests that female multiple mating may have been an adaptive strategy throughout much of human evolution, providing benefits including genetic diversity, resource acquisition, and protection for offspring. From this perspective, female sexual autonomy represents not a moral failing but an adaptive response to specific environmental and social conditions. Among our closest primate relatives, the bonobos, female sexual behavior serves a crucial social function that challenges conventional narratives about female sexuality. Unlike chimpanzees, where males dominate through aggression and coalition-building, bonobo society is characterized by female dominance achieved through female-female alliances. Remarkably, these alliances are built and maintained largely through sexual interactions between females. Primatologist Amy Parish's groundbreaking research revealed that bonobo females manage to form powerful coalitions that enable them to dominate males physically and socially, primarily through genito-genital (G-G) rubbing—a sexual behavior that creates and reinforces social ties between unrelated females. Evolutionary psychologists have proposed various adaptive benefits of female sexual autonomy. The "mate-switching hypothesis" suggests that women may maintain relationships with alternative partners as potential replacements should their primary relationship fail. The "good genes" hypothesis proposes that women may seek genetic benefits from some partners while obtaining resource benefits from others. The "sperm competition" hypothesis suggests that multiple mating may improve fertility outcomes by creating competition among sperm from different males. These frameworks recognize female sexual strategies as sophisticated adaptations rather than moral failings. Contemporary research on consensual non-monogamy provides additional insights into adaptive female sexuality. Studies of polyamorous relationships find that women often initiate opening relationships and report high levels of satisfaction with non-monogamous arrangements. Rather than representing dysfunction, these relationship structures may allow some women to meet diverse needs more effectively than traditional monogamy. The growing "hotwife" phenomenon, where married women have sex with other men with their husbands' knowledge and encouragement, similarly challenges assumptions about natural female monogamy and male sexual possessiveness. The emergence of female-led non-monogamy movements represents another challenge to biological determinism narratives. Organizations like Skirt Club, which hosts women-only sex parties primarily attended by women who identify as heterosexual or bisexual, demonstrate how women create spaces for sexual exploration outside traditional relationship structures. Polyamory communities report significant female leadership and participation, contradicting the assumption that non-monogamy primarily serves male interests. These movements suggest that when freed from social constraints, many women actively seek sexual variety and autonomy. Reframing female desire as adaptive requires acknowledging the costs of sexual repression. The psychological burden of conforming to unrealistic expectations of monogamy creates significant stress for many women. Research on female sexual desire in long-term relationships consistently finds that women's desire typically declines more rapidly than men's, suggesting that traditional monogamy may not optimally serve female sexuality. By recognizing the potential adaptive value of female sexual autonomy, we can develop more realistic and compassionate approaches to relationships that acknowledge the complexity of human sexuality.

Summary

The evidence from evolutionary biology, anthropology, psychology, and cross-cultural studies challenges the deeply entrenched myth of natural female monogamy. Female sexuality appears remarkably responsive to social, economic, and environmental contexts, with women strategically navigating constraints to maximize both personal satisfaction and reproductive success. This plasticity itself may be adaptive, allowing women to adjust their sexual strategies across varying circumstances. The diversity of female sexual expression throughout history and across cultures suggests that there is no single "natural" pattern for female sexuality, but rather a range of possibilities shaped by specific contexts. Moving beyond simplistic biological determinism toward a more nuanced understanding of female desire as adaptive and contextual has profound implications. It allows us to recognize how cultural narratives about female sexuality have served to control women's bodies and choices rather than reflect biological realities. It challenges us to develop more realistic and compassionate approaches to relationships that acknowledge the complexity of human sexuality. By freeing ourselves from the myth of natural female monogamy, we can create spaces for more authentic expressions of desire and more equitable relationship structures that honor the full range of human sexual diversity.

About Author

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Wednesday Martin

Wednesday Martin, Ph.D., is a social researcher and the author of Stepmonster: a New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do (2009). She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today (www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stepmonster) and blogs for the Huffington Post and on her own web site (www.wednesdaymartin.com). She has appeared as a stepparenting expert on NPR, the BBC Newshour, Fox News and NBC Weekend Today, and was a regular contributor to the New York Post’s parenting page. Stepmonster is a finalist in the parenting category of this year’s “Books for a Better Life” award. A stepmother for nearly a decade, Wednesday lives in New York City with her husband and two sons. Her stepdaughters are young adults.

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