13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do

13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do Plot Summary

Introduction

Mental strength is often misunderstood as the absence of weakness or the suppression of emotions. In reality, it represents something far more nuanced—the ability to face life's challenges with resilience while maintaining authenticity. This journey through mental fortitude explores the experiences of individuals who discovered that true strength comes not from avoiding difficulties, but from developing effective ways to navigate them. The path to mental strength is particularly complex for women, who face unique cultural pressures and expectations that can undermine their confidence and limit their potential. Through compelling personal stories and evidence-based insights, we witness how breaking free from comparison, embracing vulnerability, overcoming self-doubt, defying social rules, and refusing limitations creates the foundation for genuine empowerment. These narratives reveal that mental strength isn't about never experiencing difficulty—it's about developing the resilience to face life's challenges head-on while staying true to one's authentic self.

Chapter 1: Early Struggles: Facing Life's Unexpected Challenges

Mental strength is rarely developed in comfortable circumstances. For Amy Morin, the journey toward understanding true resilience began with a series of devastating personal losses. Working as a therapist helping others overcome their challenges, Amy found herself confronted with unimaginable grief when her mother passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Then, on the three-year anniversary of her mother's death, tragedy struck again when her 26-year-old husband Lincoln died of a heart attack. Just when she thought she had rebuilt her life and found love again with Steve, her new father-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer. These experiences could have broken her spirit completely. Instead, they became the catalyst for a profound understanding of mental strength. Through her personal grief and professional observations, Amy discovered that mentally strong people aren't just characterized by what they do—they're defined equally by what they don't do. She identified thirteen habits that can drain mental strength, habits that many women struggle with due to unique cultural pressures and expectations. Women experience different expectations than men from an early age, face distinct challenges in the workplace, and often hold themselves to impossibly high standards. These pressures create particular mental traps that can undermine resilience and prevent women from reaching their full potential. Amy's insights into these challenges resonated with millions when she shared them in an article that quickly went viral, touching a nerve with readers who recognized these patterns in their own lives. The foundation of mental strength, Amy realized, isn't about never experiencing difficulty or maintaining a tough exterior at all costs. Rather, it involves developing realistic thinking patterns, managing emotions effectively, and taking positive action regardless of circumstances. This understanding—that mental strength comes from facing challenges head-on rather than avoiding them—became the cornerstone of her approach to building resilience in the face of life's inevitable struggles. What makes this perspective particularly powerful is its accessibility. Mental strength isn't an innate quality that some possess and others don't—it's a set of skills that can be developed through practice and awareness. By identifying specific habits that drain mental power and learning to replace them with healthier alternatives, anyone can build the resilience needed to navigate life's challenges with greater confidence and authenticity.

Chapter 2: The Comparison Trap: Creating Your Own Measure of Success

Comparison is a natural human tendency that can quickly become toxic, particularly for women. Consider Cara, a 28-year-old nurse who had everything she wanted—a job she loved, a great relationship, financial stability—yet she felt profoundly dissatisfied because she believed her friends were happier than she was. Despite objective evidence of her success, the habit of comparing herself to others left her feeling inadequate and unfulfilled. Social media has intensified this problem exponentially. Platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest showcase carefully curated highlights of other people's lives, creating the illusion that everyone else is living better, happier, and more successful lives. Research shows that women spend more time on image-heavy social media sites than men, and just ten minutes of browsing these platforms can lead to lower body satisfaction and mood decline. The constant stream of idealized images creates a distorted perception of reality that can be particularly damaging to self-esteem. The comparison trap affects women differently than men in significant ways. When women see images of attractive, successful women, they tend to believe they'll never achieve similar results. Men, however, are more likely to view such images as inspiration, believing they could achieve similar outcomes with effort. This fundamental difference means that comparisons often leave women feeling inadequate rather than motivated, creating a cycle of diminishing confidence rather than inspiring growth. What makes this habit particularly insidious is that we're only seeing a small snapshot of others' lives—the outside of their "shoebox," as Amy calls it. We have no idea what struggles they might be facing privately. Consider Mindy McCready, a country music star who appeared to have it all—platinum albums, fame, and a relationship with a Hollywood actor. Yet behind that façade, she battled substance abuse, domestic violence, and mental health issues that eventually led to her suicide at age 37. Her public image revealed nothing of her private pain. Breaking free from the comparison trap requires recognizing when you're making comparisons and consciously reframing your thoughts. Instead of viewing others as competitors, see them as opinion holders with different perspectives and priorities. Focus on creating a life so rich and aligned with your values that you won't be distracted by others' perceived good fortune. Remember that the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday—this shift in mindset doesn't just improve your self-perception, it transforms your relationships and frees you to pursue your own definition of success. The path to mental strength involves creating your own measuring stick rather than using someone else's. When you define success according to your personal values and goals rather than external standards, you reclaim power over your sense of self-worth and satisfaction. This doesn't mean ignoring inspiration from others, but rather distinguishing between healthy motivation and destructive comparison.

Chapter 3: Embracing Vulnerability: Finding Strength in Openness

Vulnerability is often misunderstood as weakness, but in reality, it's one of the most powerful expressions of mental strength. This was the lesson Veronica needed to learn when she began therapy for anxiety that spiked in social settings. At the end of her first session, she casually mentioned she had Tourette's syndrome, a condition that caused facial tics and occasional vocal tics. Rather than accepting this aspect of herself, Veronica had developed elaborate strategies to disguise her tics—rubbing her eyes, scratching her nose, and other movements that masked her facial grimaces. The energy Veronica devoted to hiding her condition was enormous. She avoided social situations whenever possible, and when she couldn't avoid them, she devoted most of her mental energy to preventing people from noticing her condition rather than engaging in conversation. Her fear of being perceived as weak or different had led her to harbor a secret that was causing her immense anxiety and isolation. The very efforts she made to appear strong were actually draining her mental resources and preventing authentic connections. Many women share Veronica's reluctance to show vulnerability, though perhaps for different reasons. From childhood, women receive mixed messages about emotional expression. Girls are told it's okay to cry, but adult women are judged harshly for showing emotion, especially in professional settings. Research shows that women who cry at work are often viewed as "weak, unprofessional, and manipulative" by both men and women. Similarly, while anger from men is often tolerated or even respected, angry women are labeled as "out of control" or "emotional." These double standards create powerful incentives to hide authentic feelings. This pressure to maintain a tough exterior comes at a significant cost. When you refuse to let people see the real you, your relationships remain superficial. You miss opportunities for meaningful connection, and you may develop unhealthy patterns in relationships. Like Dawn, who pushed away potential partners with accusations and controlling behavior because she was afraid of being abandoned, many women sabotage their relationships by refusing to express their genuine feelings and needs. The path to strength through vulnerability begins with identifying your protective armor—the strategies you use to keep yourself safe from emotional pain. It might be perfectionism, anger, or keeping conversations superficial. Then, it requires owning your story without letting it define you. Monica Lewinsky demonstrated this when, after years of public humiliation, she chose to "stick her head above the parapet" to reclaim her narrative and speak out against cyberbullying and public shaming. Her willingness to be vulnerable transformed her from a victim to an advocate. Being vulnerable doesn't mean sharing everything with everyone. There's a crucial difference between privacy and secrecy. Vulnerability requires discernment about who deserves to know your story and when it's appropriate to share. With practice, vulnerability becomes easier, and you gain confidence in your ability to handle discomfort. The result is richer relationships, greater authenticity, and the freedom to live life to its fullest. As Holly Robinson Peete discovered when she opened up about her family's struggles with autism, vulnerability not only strengthens you but can also help others who are facing similar challenges.

Chapter 4: Overcoming Self-Doubt: From Hesitation to Action

Self-doubt and overthinking are two of the most common obstacles that prevent women from reaching their goals. Consider Dominique, a talented artist who struggled to launch her illustration business despite encouragement from her husband and praise from friends. Her inner voice kept whispering, "You're going to fail," paralyzing her with uncertainty about her artistic abilities and business acumen. This internal critic was so powerful that it prevented her from taking even small steps toward her dream. Women are particularly susceptible to self-doubt due to deeply ingrained cultural messages. Research shows that by age six, girls begin to believe men are smarter and more talented than women. This belief creates a disconnect between what young women are told ("you can be anything you want") and what society demonstrates through the underrepresentation of women in leadership positions. The result is that many women question their abilities and hesitate to pursue opportunities that might lead to growth and success. This self-doubt manifests differently for women than men. A Cornell University study found that women consistently underestimate their abilities while men overestimate theirs. When asked about their scientific abilities, women rated themselves lower than men, despite performing nearly identically on tests. This underestimation led fewer women to enter a science competition, illustrating how self-doubt becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that limits potential and opportunity. Overthinking compounds the problem by creating mental paralysis. Regina, who had recently reentered the dating scene after her divorce, found herself analyzing every aspect of her new relationship. She spent hours researching her boyfriend online, scrutinizing his social media accounts, and asking friends to interpret his text messages. Rather than enjoying their relationship, she was consumed with finding potential red flags, creating anxiety that interfered with her sleep and concentration. Her overthinking prevented her from being present and authentic in the relationship. Research shows that women ruminate and worry more than men, partly due to anatomical differences in the brain. Women's brains show higher blood flow in regions that increase the ability to focus and empathize, as well as areas that contribute to anxiety. This tendency to overthink takes a serious toll on mental health, increasing the risk of depression and anxiety while interfering with problem-solving and sleep. The mental energy devoted to rumination leaves less capacity for creative thinking and decisive action. Overcoming these twin challenges requires several strategies. For self-doubt, it helps to monitor your emotions, collect evidence about your abilities, and embrace a little uncertainty. As bestselling author Cheryl Strayed notes, "Writing is always full of self-doubt," yet she continues to write anyway. For overthinking, techniques like scheduling worry time, changing the mental channel, and practicing mindfulness can break the cycle of rumination. Both self-doubt and overthinking become less powerful when you take action despite them—you don't need to wait until you feel 100% confident or have all the answers before moving forward.

Chapter 5: Breaking Social Rules: Defining Your Own Path

Society has many unwritten rules about how women should behave, what roles they should play, and what success should look like. Breaking these rules often requires courage, but it can be the key to living an authentic life. Amber faced this dilemma when she was seven and a half months pregnant with twins. She had always planned to be a stay-at-home mom, but as her due date approached, she realized her husband might be better suited for the role. Amber's husband Doug, a software engineer, worked long hours and traveled frequently. She worried about caring for twins without much help, especially since she had no family nearby. Financially, it made sense for her to continue working—she earned almost as much as Doug, had regular hours, and could be home by 5 PM every day. But she feared what people would think if Doug became a stay-at-home dad while she continued working. The social pressure to conform to traditional gender roles created significant anxiety about a decision that otherwise made perfect sense for their family. This fear wasn't unfounded. From childhood, girls are taught to follow rules more strictly than boys. Research shows that women are more likely to adhere to guidelines in job applications, applying only when they meet 100% of the qualifications, while men view requirements as suggestions. Women also have a lower threshold for perceiving wrongdoing and apologize more frequently than men. These tendencies make it harder for women to break social norms, even when those norms don't serve them well. Moreover, women who violate gender expectations often face backlash. Studies show that while men gain respect when they express anger, women who show anger are considered less competent. Women who negotiate salaries are often viewed as "not nice" or "unappreciative." This double standard creates real consequences for women who dare to break the rules, making conformity seem like the safer choice even when it limits potential and happiness. Despite these challenges, many women have changed the world by refusing to conform. Susan B. Anthony cast an illegal ballot in the 1872 presidential election, facing arrest but ultimately paving the way for women's suffrage. Kathrine Switzer became the first woman to run the Boston Marathon in 1967, despite officials trying to physically remove her from the race. Their willingness to break rules opened doors for countless women who followed, demonstrating that progress often requires challenging established norms. Breaking rules effectively requires recognizing the unwritten norms that exist, justifying your choices to yourself (not others), and sometimes simply showing rather than telling what you're capable of doing. It also means opening doors to help others. Reshma Saujani founded Girls Who Code to change the image of what a programmer looks like, teaching a million girls coding skills and helping close the gender gap in technology. By breaking rules thoughtfully and purposefully, women can not only transform their own lives but create new possibilities for others.

Chapter 6: Refusing Limitations: Reaching Your Full Potential

Too often, women allow others to limit their potential—sometimes in obvious ways, but often through subtle influences that shape their beliefs about what they can achieve. Marcia sought therapy because she felt "stuck in a rut," working part-time as a cashier and struggling financially. She had been labeled a "free spirit" by her parents since childhood, while her siblings were the "athlete" and the "mathlete." This label had become a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading her to embrace a lifestyle that no longer served her well. The limitations women accept often begin with gender schemas formed early in life. Research shows that even self-described feminists struggle to overcome these deeply ingrained stereotypes. In one study, participants were significantly slower to associate a female name with "doctor" than a male name, regardless of what they were explicitly told. These schemas can subtly influence career choices, with many girls never considering certain professions because they don't see themselves represented. The limitations become internalized so completely that they feel like personal preferences rather than external constraints. Women are also more sensitive to criticism than men, often equating criticism with rejection. A study found that while men respond differently to criticism versus rejection, women react to both in the same way. This sensitivity can cause women to give up after rejection rather than try again. Research on senior executives in the UK found that women were 1.5 times less likely than men to apply for a job after being rejected for a similar position. Each rejection becomes further evidence of limitations rather than simply feedback on a specific situation. In some cases, limitations come from abuse of power. As the #MeToo movement revealed, many women have faced situations where advancement required compromising their morals or where speaking up meant risking their careers. These situations create real barriers that can't be overcome through mental strength alone—they require systemic change. Acknowledging these structural limitations is important, but equally important is recognizing where personal beliefs might be creating unnecessary constraints. Overcoming limitations begins with recognizing the beliefs you may have accepted about yourself. Perhaps a teacher's comment about your math abilities or a parent's casual remark about money shaped your view of what was possible. Paying attention to your self-talk is crucial, as the conversations you have with yourself either reinforce or refute these limiting beliefs. Common thinking patterns like all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophizing, or mind-reading can prevent you from seeing possibilities that exist beyond your current perspective. It's also important to recognize that critics' comments often reflect more about them than about you. A Wake Forest University study found that the level of negativity someone uses to describe others actually reflects how unhappy or disagreeable the critic is. Understanding this can help you evaluate feedback more objectively rather than automatically accepting negative assessments as truth. Not all criticism deserves equal weight, and learning to filter feedback effectively is essential for growth without unnecessary limitation.

Summary

The journey to mental strength is not about perfection or avoiding challenges—it's about developing the resilience to face life's difficulties head-on. Through the stories of women like Cara, Veronica, Dominique, Regina, Amber, and Marcia, we see that mental strength comes from refusing to engage in habits that drain our power. Whether it's comparing ourselves to others, fearing vulnerability, letting self-doubt stop us, overthinking everything, conforming to social rules that limit our potential, or accepting others' definitions of what we can achieve, these habits can prevent us from living our best lives. What makes mentally strong women truly remarkable is their ability to recognize these patterns and consciously choose a different path. They understand that strength isn't about suppressing emotions or maintaining a tough exterior—it's about facing challenges with courage, embracing imperfection, and staying true to their values even when it means breaking social norms. By developing realistic thinking patterns, managing emotions effectively, and taking positive action regardless of circumstances, women can build the mental strength needed to create meaningful lives and inspire others to do the same. The legacy of mentally strong women isn't just in what they achieve, but in how they demonstrate that true strength comes from within, not from external validation or conformity to others' expectations.

About Author

Loading...

Amy Morin

Amy Morin is a psychotherapist and the award-winning host of Mentally Stronger, one of the top health podcasts in the world.She's an international bestselling author of five books on mental strength. Her books, including 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, have been translated into more than 40 languages.Forbes calls her a "thought leadership star" and The Guardian dubbed her "the self-help guru of the moment."

Read more

Related Books by Amy Morin

Loading...

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do

Amy Morin

Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success

★★★★½4.6

Loading...

13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do

Amy Morin

Raising Self-Assured Children and Training Their Brains for a Life of Happiness, Meaning, and Success

★★★★½4.6

Loading...

13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do

Amy Morin

Healthy Habits for Love's Longevity

★★★½☆3.9