Badass Habits

Badass Habits Plot Summary

Introduction

Have you ever found yourself making the same promises over and over again? Perhaps you've sworn to hit the gym regularly, quit scrolling through social media before bed, or finally organize your workspace—only to find yourself back at square one within weeks or even days. You're not alone. The gap between our intentions and our actions represents one of the most frustrating challenges we face in our journey toward personal growth. At the heart of this struggle lies our relationship with habits—those automatic behaviors that shape our lives more profoundly than we realize. The power of habits extends far beyond what we do; they ultimately define who we become. This is why mastering your habits isn't just about productivity or discipline—it's about freedom. When you understand how to break unhelpful patterns and establish new ones that serve your higher purpose, you unlock a level of personal power that transforms every aspect of your life. The pages ahead will guide you through this transformation, offering practical strategies to not just change what you do, but to reshape your very identity in alignment with the person you truly want to become.

Chapter 1: Uncover Your Habitual Patterns

Our lives are shaped by habits to a degree most of us never fully recognize. Research shows that nearly half of our daily actions are habitual—from the morning coffee routine to how we respond to stress or interact with loved ones. These automated behaviors aren't just what we do; they're reflections of who we've become. My brother Stephen provides a perfect example of how environments shape our habitual patterns. He worked in the diamond business as a sorter, spending his days in a room called "the pit" categorizing diamonds according to cut, carat, and color. In this environment, diamonds would occasionally fly across the room when accidentally tweezed too hard. During his two years in this position, Steve developed an uncanny ability to find these tiny lost gems. This skill followed him beyond the workplace—he became what his wife Jenny calls "a crow," someone with an extraordinary talent for finding shiny lost objects. His impressive resume grew to include finding diamond earrings on deli floors, tennis bracelets near ATMs, and countless other valuables. The most remarkable example came when Jenny lost her diamond pendant during a walk. Despite my protests about the fading daylight and crowds, Stephen methodically retraced their steps and, incredibly, found the tiny pendant that had been kicked into someone's driveway. Stephen never consciously set out to become "the Patron Saint of Lost Shiny Things." Rather, his environment at the diamond wholesaler created a trigger—whenever he took a pause from work, it prompted him to scan the room for lost diamonds. This trigger initiated a sequence: seeing the environment (trigger) signaled a need (to find valuable lost items), which led to a response (careful scanning), which then delivered a reward (the satisfaction of recovery). Through repetition, this sequence became automatic. The power of habits lies in how they operate beneath our conscious awareness. They work through a sequence that starts with a trigger (getting in your car), which signals a need (safety), leading to a response (putting on your seatbelt), and culminating in a reward (feeling secure). These sequences become so ingrained through repetition that they require almost no mental effort. When you repeat something enough times, you establish neural pathways that allow behaviors to flow effortlessly and automatically. What makes habits stick is a combination of ease, repetition, identity alignment, and patience. The easier you make a habit to perform, the more likely you'll do it consistently. This is why scheduling new habits for the morning often works best—before daily distractions creep in. Similarly, your environment plays a crucial role; it's easier to quit drinking soda if you don't keep it in your house and if you surround yourself with people who don't drink it. To transform your habits effectively, start by observing your current patterns without judgment. Notice what triggers certain behaviors, how they make you feel, and what rewards they provide. This awareness gives you the foundation to design new habits that align with who you truly want to become, rather than remaining a prisoner to patterns you never consciously chose.

Chapter 2: Define Your Success Blueprint

Your success blueprint isn't just about what you want to achieve—it's about who you want to become. The distinction is crucial because habits follow identity, not the other way around. When your actions align with your self-image, they become nearly effortless; when they contradict it, they require constant willpower and eventually fail. Take Jen Sincero's experience with money as an instructive example. For years, she identified as "perpetually broke," defending this financial identity despite her misery. When anyone questioned her ability to be financially successful, she would become defensive: "What do you mean I could make money if I changed my attitude? I've tried for FORTY YEARS to make money as a writer and I'm living in a garage, cutting my own hair, and sleeping on a futon on the floor. I suck at making money. Trust me, I have a lifetime of proof." This identity created a self-fulfilling prophecy—she constantly looked for evidence that she couldn't make money, surrounded herself with other broke people, and focused on roadblocks rather than opportunities. The transformation began when Sincero decided to change not just her financial habits but her entire financial identity. Though nothing had yet changed in her environment or bank account, she began thinking, acting, and perceiving the world as someone who made money effortlessly. She replaced "I can't afford it" with "Money flows to me easily and freely," repeating this mantra constantly. Most importantly, she began seeking evidence to support this new belief—celebrating even small financial windfalls instead of dismissing them. This shift in identity opened her eyes to opportunities she'd previously been blind to. To create your own success blueprint, start by examining the identity behind your current habits. What stories do you tell yourself that reinforce these patterns? For instance, do you identify as someone who "has no willpower" or who's "just not a morning person"? These identity-based narratives dictate your habits more powerfully than any technique or strategy ever could. Next, define who you want to become with clarity and conviction. Instead of focusing solely on what you want to do (exercise more), focus on who you want to be (a healthy, energetic person). Write down specific characteristics of this identity. How does this person think? How do they speak about themselves? What environments do they create? The practical application involves consistently acting as if you already embody this new identity. When faced with choices, ask yourself: "What would a healthy person do?" or "How would a confident speaker handle this situation?" These identity-based questions guide your decisions more effectively than relying on willpower alone. Remember that your brain will resist this identity shift initially. When Sincero began claiming a new financial identity, her mind produced numerous objections. This resistance is normal—it's your old identity fighting for survival. The key is to recognize these objections as evidence of transformation rather than truth, and to consistently reinforce your new self-image through words, thoughts, and small daily actions. Your success blueprint ultimately rests on this fundamental truth: habits define what you do, but identity defines who you are. When you consciously choose and embody a new identity, the habits that support it will follow naturally.

Chapter 3: Overcome Resistance through Consistency

Resistance often appears most strongly from those closest to us when we attempt to change our habits. This isn't because they don't care about our success, but because our transformation threatens their sense of reality and comfort. Understanding this dynamic is crucial for maintaining consistency when facing opposition. When you change who you're being—which involves developing new habits and boundaries—your transformation frequently upsets those closest to you for several reasons. As one client discovered when shifting to healthier eating habits, her family initially responded with sarcasm and sabotage. The author explains: "They no longer get to be right about who you're being, and, as we know, since they are human, they love to be right." Additionally, "You've gone from a known entity to a new, unknown entity, and people fear the unknown with the same zest they have for being right." Perhaps most threatening, "You're showing them that change is possible... If they're not available to receive this information, if they'd prefer to cling to the familiar things in their lives that aren't bringing them a whole lot of joy instead of making the changes they know they need to make, they're going to be grouchy." To express their discomfort, people in your inner circle might mock you, worry excessively about you, list reasons why your efforts will fail, complain you're "no fun anymore," or in extreme cases, stop speaking to you entirely. This resistance is precisely why many people abandon positive habit changes despite their best intentions. Overcoming this resistance requires setting healthy boundaries—a critical foundation for all other habits. Boundaries define where you end and the outside world begins. Having healthy boundaries means owning your actions, emotions, and needs while respecting others' autonomy over theirs. As the author succinctly puts it: "You are responsible to other people. You are not responsible for other people. Big diff." When developing the habit of better self-care, for example, you might need to inform family members that your evening meditation time is non-negotiable. When shifting to healthier eating, you may need to request that friends meet at restaurants with suitable options. Establishing these boundaries isn't selfish but rather essential for becoming who you want to be. To set boundaries effectively, first identify your specific needs related to your new habit. If you're developing a writing habit, you'll need uninterrupted time—which means saying no to some family demands. Next, address your fears about setting boundaries, which often stem from childhood experiences where boundary-setting was discouraged or punished. Then, practice clear, direct language that focuses on your needs rather than criticizing others: "I need time for my writing each morning" works better than "You're always interrupting me." Consistency also requires dealing with your own resistance—the internal negotiations that undermine your progress. The author recommends using the "zero-second rule" to bypass these negotiations entirely. When temptation arises, immediately shut down the negotiation before it begins. Don't contemplate having "just one bite" or "skipping just today"—these thoughts belong to your old identity, not who you're becoming. Remember that consistency isn't about perfection but persistence. When you inevitably slip up, forgive yourself immediately and return to your habit without delay. The longer you wait to get back on track, the stronger your old patterns become. Every moment offers a fresh opportunity to realign with your new identity.

Chapter 4: Leverage Small Wins for Big Change

The journey of habit transformation is rarely marked by dramatic overnight success. Instead, it unfolds through accumulating small victories that gradually reshape your identity and behavior. Understanding how to harness these modest triumphs creates unstoppable momentum toward lasting change. Julie, age 60, provides a compelling example of leveraging small wins to create significant life changes. Facing a prediabetes diagnosis, she needed to move more and lose weight. Rather than attempting a radical fitness overhaul, she committed to just fifteen minutes of morning exercise on a yoga mat in her living room. "How hard is that to do for my health?" she reasoned. This manageable commitment became her entry point to greater change. Julie discovered that "after stretching and doing some basic yoga moves, I was awake enough to do a little more." Three push-ups grew to five, then ten, and eventually her routine expanded to thirty minutes. She explains how this progression fueled her motivation: "As soon as I started doing this I began to feel better about myself. I felt stronger. It kept me motivated and I now look forward to doing my workout at least five days a week." Alongside her exercise habit, Julie adopted mindful eating practices by tracking her food and weighing herself daily. The cumulative effect of these small changes was remarkable—she lost fifteen pounds over two years and, more importantly, maintained the weight loss. Her story illustrates how modest, consistent actions build upon each other to create meaningful transformation. The power of small wins lies in how they make habit formation accessible and sustainable. When attempting significant life changes, our brains easily become overwhelmed. Breaking down ambitious goals into smaller components provides psychological relief and practical direction. As the author notes, "All the little moments in our lives add up to the whole of who we are." Each small action—each twenty-minute writing session, each healthy meal choice, each moment of choosing patience over anger—represents a stepping stone toward your desired identity. To implement this approach effectively, first identify your habit goal, then reduce it to its smallest meaningful component. If you're developing a meditation practice, begin with just two minutes daily. For fitness, start with a short daily walk or a few push-ups. For better money management, begin by tracking expenses for just five minutes each day. Next, celebrate each small win genuinely. This isn't mere positive thinking—it's strategic reinforcement that builds your confidence and motivation. The author suggests creating a calendar dedicated to tracking your habit consistency, marking each successful day with a special pen or sticker. This visual record provides tangible evidence of your progress and reinforces your identity shift. Another powerful technique is "habit stacking"—attaching your new habit to an existing routine. For example, if you already make coffee each morning, use this established habit as a trigger for your new behavior. While the coffee brews, perhaps you read three pages of a book or perform a quick stretching routine. This method reduces friction by piggybacking on automatic behaviors already wired into your brain. Remember that small wins create a compound effect over time. Julie didn't transform her health with one perfect workout or meal—she did it through hundreds of modest choices that eventually became her new normal. As the author emphasizes, success comes from "treating the stepping-stones to your success like the great leaps forward that they are."

Chapter 5: Transform Your Identity with Mindset Shifts

The most profound habit transformations occur not by changing what you do, but by changing who you believe you are. Identity-based habits stick because they align with your self-perception, while action-based habits require constant willpower and eventually fail when motivation wanes. Diana's journey to stop nail-biting illustrates this principle perfectly. She began this habit at age seven during her parents' divorce, embedding it deeply within her psychological landscape. Merely trying to stop the behavior without addressing the underlying identity issues proved futile. "It really took some psychological work to stop doing it, since it was pretty deeply buried and related to that trauma," she explains. Her transformation required therapy to manage depression and anxiety, daily journaling to process emotions, and regular manicures that helped her develop a new relationship with her hands. "My hands were always painful, bloody messes and now they looked great and didn't hurt anymore," Diana notes. "I guess I also crowded out the habit of having picked at, hurting hands with being in the habit of having beautiful, healthy ones." Diana's story demonstrates how effective mindset shifts work: they replace limiting identities with empowering ones. Rather than identifying as "someone who bites her nails when anxious," she became "someone who takes care of her beautiful hands." This identity shift made the behavioral change sustainable without requiring constant willpower. To engineer your own identity transformation, start by examining your current self-perception around your habit. The author suggests writing stream-of-consciousness thoughts about an area where you feel stuck. When Sincero did this exercise regarding her financial situation, she uncovered beliefs like: "There's no way I could ever make that kind of money. Where the hell would it come from? The Unicorn Bank?" and "I'm not the kind of person who makes money." These unconscious narratives were dictating her financial reality. After identifying these limiting beliefs, create a powerful mantra that directly counters them. For instance, Sincero transformed "Making money isn't in the cards for me; it's never going to happen" into "I am surrounded by money, it's all over the place, and it flows to me effortlessly and joyfully." The key is crafting a statement that evokes genuine emotion and excitement, even if it initially feels unrealistic. As she explains, "Your mantra must really affect you in a deeply moving way or else you'll find yourself saying a bunch of annoying words over and over that don't inspire you." Next, practice embodying your new identity before results appear. Act "as if" you already are the person you're becoming. If you're developing confidence, adopt the posture, speech patterns, and decision-making style of a confident person. The author advises: "See yourself as someone who laughs off being rejected... Lighten up. Realize that saying yes is how you get in on life, and that life is much more enjoyable when lived fully." Creating environmental cues supports your identity shift. If you're becoming a writer, designate a writing space and fill it with inspiring books. If you're becoming fit, place workout clothes where you'll see them first thing in the morning. Your environment should mirror back your desired identity, reinforcing who you're becoming. Perhaps most importantly, practice what the author calls "non-negotiation" with your old identity. When temptation arises, recognize it as belonging to someone you no longer are. The moment you feel the urge to skip your workout, smoke a cigarette, or check social media during productive hours, immediately shut down the negotiation: "This doesn't apply to me because that's not who I am anymore." Remember that identity transformation takes time. Be patient with yourself while maintaining unwavering belief in who you're becoming. As the author reminds us: "Every moment of every day you have the profound ability to make choices that will completely change your habits and your reality, either right away or over time."

Chapter 6: Create Accountability Systems That Work

The gap between intention and action often comes down to accountability—having systems and people in place that keep you moving forward when motivation fades. Creating effective accountability isn't about punishment or shame; it's about designing environments and relationships that naturally pull you toward your desired habits. Jim, age 45, developed an ingenious accountability system to manage his reactions to a difficult colleague. "I have to deal with an intense, aggressive person on a regular basis and he triggers the hell out of me," Jim explains. Rather than continuing his pattern of reactive behavior, Jim created what he calls a trigger-awareness system. "I decided to make a habit out of staying aware and remembering to take a beat when I feel this guy launching." When Jim notices himself getting triggered—feeling jittery, cold hands, and physical tension—this physical discomfort itself becomes his accountability mechanism, prompting an internal dialogue: "I remind myself to calm down, to slow my breathing to counter the adrenaline rush. I recognize the feeling I'm having and let myself disapprove of how that person is making me feel, but I don't get entangled by the way I feel." Jim's approach exemplifies how effective accountability works—it creates immediate awareness of our patterns and offers a clear alternative path in the moment of choice. The result? "After the interaction is over, I feel solid and empowered, whereas in the past I would be all jacked up and upset for hours." To create your own powerful accountability systems, begin by understanding the environments that most strongly influence your behavior. The author emphasizes: "We are enormously influenced by who and what we surround ourselves with; our environment can make or break us faster than almost anything." This includes your physical space, the people around you, and the information you consume. For social accountability, identify someone who exemplifies the habit you're developing and spend regular time with them. This could be a workout partner, a writing group, or a mentor who models financial discipline. The key is creating genuine connection with people who naturally pull you toward your desired identity. As one successful habit-former shared: "I found a great online workout... Every morning I pulled that yoga mat out of the closet and I found that after stretching and doing some basic yoga moves, I was awake enough to do a little more." Technology can serve as another accountability layer. Apps that track habits, schedule sessions, or remind you of commitments provide objective feedback on your progress. The author suggests: "There's literally an app for everything—exercise apps, meditation apps, accountability apps, calorie-counting apps, breathing apps, apps that watch you sleep.... See what's out there and download something to help you." For deeper accountability, create meaningful consequences for following through. This might involve financial stakes—committing to give money to a friend or charity if you miss your habit—or social consequences like publicly announcing your goal. One powerful technique the author recommends is booking a future event that requires your habit to succeed: "If you're learning piano, book a gig to perform at a friend's party or at a club or on Facebook Live. Throw yourself a big anniversary party celebrating six months of no smoking—send out the invites, put down the nonrefundable deposit on the band." Tracking your habits visually provides immediate accountability to yourself. The author suggests getting "a calendar, an old-timey paper calendar or datebook, and dedicate it to this journey you're on. Each day that you successfully participate in your habit—eat 1,700 calories, walk three miles, say not one snarky thing to your mother, do yoga, refrain from constant apologizing, learn a new vocabulary word—mark that day off on the calendar." Finally, develop ritualistic accountability by creating ceremonies around your habit. "Rituals bring purpose, renewal, ceremony, and celebration to our lives," the author explains. Whether lighting a candle before meditation or placing your running shoes by your bed each night, these symbolic actions reinforce your commitment and provide transition moments that strengthen your resolve. Remember that effective accountability isn't about perfection—it's about creating systems that quickly return you to your path when you inevitably stray. As Jim discovered, the goal isn't avoiding triggers but creating awareness that transforms those triggers into reminders of who you're becoming.

Chapter 7: Celebrate Progress Not Perfection

The journey of habit transformation is rarely linear. Understanding how to celebrate your progress—even when it feels inconsistent or incomplete—creates the resilience necessary for lasting change. This approach isn't about lowering standards; it's about recognizing that sustainable growth happens through persistence rather than perfection. Lisa, age 36, provides a compelling example of embracing progress over perfection in her journey to develop goal-setting habits. Despite initially resisting goals as too constraining ("I always thought goals were what type A personalities had, and that's so not who I am"), she found herself stuck in an unhappy relationship with limited financial options. The situation forced her to confront her habit of "just taking things as they came" and begin setting intentional goals. Lisa approached this transformation through manageable steps—first taking a real estate course, then committing to one year in the field to test it. "I kept focused and was patient and took it one step at a time," she explains. Her journey involved embracing approaches that initially felt uncomfortable, even creating a vision board despite her natural cynicism. "I actually did a fucking vision board. It's true. I clipped tiny pictures of things like the pizza I wanted to eat on my trip to Italy and the house I wanted to live in, pasted them on cardboard—and sure enough that shit came true." Lisa's story illuminates several key principles for celebrating progress. First, she acknowledged her starting point honestly: "I was in denial about the fact that I wasn't in control of my life; I didn't want to face my problems and take responsibility." This clear-eyed assessment allowed her to value each step forward rather than expecting overnight transformation. Second, she recognized that discomfort was part of the process: "It's painful and uncomfortable but so worth it, RIGHT?!" Third, she celebrated small victories along the way—each house sold, each financial goal reached—which built momentum for larger achievements. To apply this approach to your own habit journey, begin by reframing how you measure success. Rather than focusing exclusively on end results (pounds lost, money saved, books written), celebrate process victories: consecutive days of showing up, difficult emotions faced without resorting to old habits, or small improvements in skill or performance. The author suggests creating a dedicated calendar to track your consistency: "The simple task of acknowledging a job well done is very satisfying, and being able to look back over days and weeks and months of successfully doing what you promised yourself you'd do is even better." Gratitude plays a crucial role in celebrating progress. The author recommends writing "ten reasons why you're grateful that you get to do your habit, not that you have to do it." This subtle shift transforms obligation into opportunity. For example, instead of lamenting another salad when you'd prefer pasta, appreciate that "You have this miraculous body that knows how to pump blood through its veins, and can dance, grow hair, heal, feel pleasure, taste a delicious glass of wine, and knit an awesome scarf." When inevitable setbacks occur, the author advises immediate, compassionate recovery: "If you're quitting smoking but got a little boozy the other night and took a drag off a cigarette, or if you ate a meatball at your friend's wedding even though you're going vegan, forget about it and start again right here, right now." This approach prevents temporary lapses from becoming permanent abandonment. As she emphasizes, "Success is all about forgiving, forgetting, tenacity, and getting your ass back on track prontissimo." Perhaps most importantly, celebrating progress means recognizing that habit formation is about becoming more authentically yourself, not achieving some external standard of perfection. "Forming good habits isn't about being perfect; it's about being more of who you are," the author explains. This perspective allows you to value the entire journey—including struggles and setbacks—as part of your unique growth process. Remember that progress often becomes visible only in retrospect. As Lisa discovered, consistent small actions eventually led to greater success than she initially imagined: "Now I'm even more successful than I set out to be. I actually love my job, doubled my original goal, and now sell at least two houses a month." By celebrating each step along the way, you build both the confidence and resilience necessary for lasting transformation.

Summary

The journey of mastering your habits ultimately reveals a profound truth: habits are not merely what you do, but expressions of who you are becoming. Throughout these pages, we've explored how our automatic behaviors—from the thoughts we habitually think to the actions we repeatedly take—shape our identity and reality. As the author powerfully states, "When you change who you're being, you begin seeing everything through new eyes: You suddenly notice awesome parts of yourself that you never gave much credit to, and you realize that you're one mighty motherfucker." Your path forward begins with a single, powerful choice. Select one habit that resonates with your deepest desires—not what you think you should want, but what truly lights up your heart. Approach this habit not as another task on your to-do list, but as an expression of self-love and an opportunity to become more authentically yourself. Remember that perfection isn't the goal; presence is. Each time you show up, each time you forgive a stumble and begin again, you strengthen not just a behavior but your fundamental belief in your capacity to transform. The world needs the unique gifts that emerge when you break the chains of limitation and step fully into who you're meant to become.

About Author

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Jen Sincero

Jen Sincero is a #1 New York Times Bestselling author, speaker and success coach who has helped countless people transform their personal and professional lives via her public appearances, private sessions, coaching seminars and, most recently, her latest #1 NY Times Bestselling book, "You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life".She’s spoken on stages all over the world and has coached full-on super heroes, helping them build their dream businesses, become NY Times Bestselling authors, navigate million dollar business deals, find their soul mates and forgive their bitchy mothers who they now realize were just doing the best they could.Before becoming a coach, Jen played in several rock bands and eventually wrote her first book, a semi-autobiographical novel called, "Don’t Sleep With Your Drummer." When her plans to become a world-famous rockstar didn’t pan out, she decided to try being a lesbian instead, didn’t pull that off either, and wrote her second book, the National Bestseller, "The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping With Chicks." Jen currently lives in New Mexico, and can be found on the web at JenSincero.Com.

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