Be Where Your Feet Are

Be Where Your Feet Are Plot Summary

Introduction

I still remember the moment that changed everything. It was at Camp Joy in the backwoods of Ohio with my eleven-year-old daughter, Kira. We were at a Young Presidents' Organization retreat when the facilitator said something that made my heart stop: "This is the last time you will ever speak to your daughter. Tell her everything she needs to know for the rest of her life. You will have an hour with her, make it count." As we walked hand in hand through the forest, the only sound was leaves crunching beneath our feet. I found myself sharing three fundamental truths: family comes first, above all else; things will always be okay, no matter how difficult life gets; and "anything, anytime" - my promise to always be there when she needed me. This powerful exercise revealed what truly matters in life and highlighted how rarely we make time to share these essential truths with those we love. In our fast-paced world filled with constant notifications and distractions, being present has become increasingly difficult yet more important than ever. The chapters that follow provide a roadmap for navigating this challenge - through inspiring stories from sports to boardrooms to family life - offering practical wisdom on how to stop living for the next moment and instead fully engage with the present one.

Chapter 1: Being Present: The Core of Meaningful Connections

Scott O'Neil, CEO of Philadelphia 76ers and New Jersey Devils, discovered a powerful truth about presence during a transformative family retreat. When faced with a hypothetical final conversation with his daughter, he distilled life's wisdom into three fundamental principles: the primacy of family bonds, the assurance that difficult times pass, and his unwavering commitment to be there "anything, anytime." This exercise formed an unbreakable foundation between father and daughter that continues to strengthen years later. This moment illuminated what O'Neil calls "WMI" - What's Most Important. It revealed how rarely we make time to share our deepest values with those we love when "the world is swirling and moving so fast." The COVID-19 pandemic, despite its tremendous hardships, forced many to reassess their priorities. For O'Neil's family, it meant painting, playing board games, doing dribbling drills in the kitchen, baking, eating meals together, having movie nights, and taking family walks - activities that had been crowded out by busy schedules. The path to more meaningful connections isn't about seeking elusive "balance" - a concept O'Neil describes as "misdirection" leading to "a mediocre middle." Instead, it requires being fully present wherever we are. "I am at my best when I am locked in where my feet are," he explains, meaning 100% presence and focus in any given moment. This presence manifests differently across contexts - whether coaching a middle school basketball team, attending a daughter's recital, or leading a business meeting. Throughout the book, we encounter stories of tragedy, triumph, and transformation - inflection points that moved people in unexpected directions. One executive found clarity about what matters during a silent meditation retreat. Another discovered the power of being present only after losing a job that had consumed their identity. A third learned to disconnect from technology after a stranger's note about neglecting their child over a phone. These narratives remind us that being where our feet are isn't just about physical presence but mental and emotional engagement as well. When we remain tethered to what's next rather than what's now, we miss the richness of life unfolding before us. True presence requires intention and practice - silencing notifications, creating boundaries, and sometimes even writing personal constitutions that articulate our core values and commitments.

Chapter 2: Finding Perspective Through Adversity and Loss

When Wil Cardon, a Harvard Business School classmate and close friend to O'Neil, died by suicide, the world seemed to stop spinning. Wil had been like a brother to O'Neil - "Uncle Wil" in his house, and O'Neil was "Uncle Blue" in Wil's. Wil was a force of nature with a mischievous spirit who could light up any room, but he also battled crippling depression that would leave him unable to return calls or get out of bed. After receiving the devastating news, O'Neil struggled to process his grief. At the funeral in Arizona, he was asked to speak in front of a thousand attendees, including two apostles from their shared faith. Stepping up to the podium, he felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of celebrating his friend's life while addressing his tragic end. As he spoke to Wil's wife and five children in the front row, the experience became a profound lesson in perspective, revealing how quickly life can change and the importance of cherishing connections while we have them. In another powerful story, Lara Toscani Weems, an executive with the Philadelphia 76ers, shared her journey through unimaginable adversity. Her son Carter was born with a rare liver defect causing toxins to poison his brain and organs. Doctors gave devastating news: "This will cause permanent brain damage." When asked if her son would ever walk, talk, or even recognize her as his mother, doctors could only answer, "We don't know." For months, Lara lived in intensive care units watching her infant son hover between life and death. His ammonia levels would spike dangerously, sometimes requiring last-minute photos "because he most likely won't wake up tomorrow." After a successful liver transplant when Carter reached sufficient weight, Lara still faced years of challenges as her son's disabilities became apparent. She had withdrawn completely from her former life - abandoning her career, friends, and even her identity. What ultimately saved Lara wasn't escaping her challenges but running toward them. She gradually reconnected with work, took small steps to exercise again (her form of meditation), and began to accept help from others. "I'm not settling for second place," she explains. "I'm just running in a different race, and this is one I am winning." These experiences teach us that perspective doesn't come from avoiding pain but from moving through it and allowing ourselves to be transformed. O'Neil describes this as "changing the race" - recognizing you have choices even in your darkest moments, confronting challenges directly rather than avoiding them, and finding your center with help from those who care about you. When we encounter adversity, we often feel stuck in the story we're telling ourselves. By shifting perspective, seeking honest feedback, cultivating reflective strength, and staying connected to our values, we can emerge from suffering with greater wisdom and compassion for ourselves and others.

Chapter 3: Prioritizing What Truly Matters

During a business trip to Los Angeles, Scott O'Neil met with legendary talent manager Marty Erlichman, who had represented Barbra Streisand for over forty years. As they conversed in the lobby of the Beverly Hills Hotel, Marty leaned forward and offered to share "the secret to life." Intrigued, O'Neil pulled out his phone to record the moment. "Number one," Marty said, "Wake up in the morning, put your feet on the ground, and be so passionate about what you do for work that you sprint to the office every day." O'Neil thought, That's me. "Number two: At night, after a hard-charging day of work, sprint home with equal passion." These simple yet profound secrets encapsulated what O'Neil calls "WMI" - What's Most Important. This philosophy was modeled by O'Neil's parents during his childhood. As leadership consultants who traveled extensively, they somehow managed to attend virtually every sporting event for their five children. They would fly home, hustle from the airport to the field or court - often arriving seconds before start time - then depart on a 6:00 a.m. flight the next morning. Their sacrifice made O'Neil feel valued and important. Later, when O'Neil worked for the NBA and traveled Monday through Friday, he made similar choices - excusing himself from business dinners to whisper goodnight to his daughters over the phone and rearranging his schedule to attend parent-teacher conferences and holiday concerts. At the 76ers, he prioritizes coaching his youngest daughter's basketball team over attending certain NBA events, including leaving All-Star Weekend early to make practice. The concept of WMI extends beyond family to other core values. Vai Sikahema, former NFL player turned news anchor, shared how his parents in Tonga sold the wooden siding from their home to afford a trip to New Zealand for a religious sealing ceremony that would bond their family for eternity. Their extraordinary sacrifice demonstrated the power of living according to one's deepest values. For Michael O'Neil, Scott's brother, WMI emerged during a health crisis. While finishing graduate school, Michael was diagnosed with cancer requiring surgery and chemotherapy. During his hospital stay, he experienced frustration with the lack of coordination in his care. Lying in his hospital bed, he pledged, "If I survive this, I'm going to spend whatever time and talent I have to make it better for the next person." This vision became GetWellNetwork, a technology company that has improved the experience of millions of patients worldwide. These stories illustrate that prioritizing what matters most isn't about achieving perfect balance but about making conscious choices aligned with our deepest values. It requires clarity about what we truly care about and the courage to arrange our lives accordingly. As O'Neil learned through the pandemic pause, "life doesn't stop and allow you to say what you feel when the world is swirling and moving so fast." We must actively create space for what matters most.

Chapter 4: Learning from Failure: The Greatest Teacher

As a high school senior with straight A's and leadership positions in various activities, Scott O'Neil confidently applied to eight prestigious colleges. The walk down his driveway became increasingly longer as rejection letters arrived one after another. He was devastated, thinking, "I am not smart enough." This belief left a chip on his shoulder that would take years to overcome. O'Neil eventually attended Villanova University, where he channeled his insecurity into academic dedication - never missing a class, sitting in the front row, and taking challenging electives. His inner voice still questioned his intelligence, but along the way, he developed a love of learning that became a lifelong pursuit. This pattern would repeat throughout his career - initial failures transformed into valuable lessons that propelled him forward. At the NBA, as vice president of Team Marketing and Business Operations, O'Neil struggled to navigate the corporate environment. After six months of frustration, his HR chief Jeff Robinson asked, "What role do you think you are playing in your own demise?" This jarring question forced O'Neil to recognize he was focused on being right rather than effective. Robinson explained: "This organization is a matrix. You need to have a relationship with someone in every box to move the needle." By shifting his approach from trying to prove his worth to building connections and supporting others, O'Neil transformed his effectiveness. Another pivotal failure came when O'Neil was called to speak at an NBA board meeting attended by team owners like Michael Jordan, Mark Cuban, and other industry titans. Nervous and unprepared, he sweated profusely and read his speech word for word without emotion or impact. "I had been given a platform with some of the most important people in the world of business and sports and I wasted it," he recalls. This public failure became a catalyst for developing his speaking skills through preparation, feedback, confidence-building, and storytelling. Perhaps the most instructive failure came from watching his father's career unravel. After building a successful training business, O'Neil's father became embroiled in a conflict with a business partner who left to form a competing company. Instead of focusing on his core business, his father became obsessed with destroying his former partner. "He had a great life that was truly something impressive, and then he didn't," O'Neil reflects. "I attribute the great fall to ego and not being able to see past himself or the revenge he sought." These experiences taught O'Neil that failure is inevitable, but how we respond to it determines its value. Successful people don't avoid failure; they extract lessons from it and use those insights to grow. As sports management executive Paul Rabil discovered after losing a world championship, "I was scoring eight goals in championship games, crushing professional team records, walking away with more MVP trophies than I could remember—but drowning in the anxiety of potentially losing it all." His sports psychologist advised him to embrace competition in everyday situations to acclimate to pressure, a practice that transformed both his athletic performance and his approach to business.

Chapter 5: Building Extraordinary Teams Through Trust

The power of team spirit came alive when Scott O'Neil showed his 500-person Madison Square Garden Sports staff a YouTube video called "Battle at Kruger." The footage captures a young water buffalo being attacked by lions at a watering hole, until the buffalo herd returns together, knocking the predators away and rescuing the calf. O'Neil posed a simple question: "Who do you want to be? The tourist? The lion? The crocodile? Or the water buffalo?" The tourist watches life from the sidelines without getting involved. The lion preys on the weak. The crocodile opportunistically attacks those already wounded. But the water buffalo? They unite, move forward together, and accomplish what none could do alone. "The World's Famous Arena is filled with water buffalo," O'Neil declared, establishing a new standard for teamwork. The buffalo soon became a cultural symbol, with buffalo nickels awarded to employees who demonstrated exceptional teamwork. This ethos extended beyond sports organizations. Sunny Sanyal, who grew up poor in Mumbai, couldn't afford college textbooks costing $30 each. His solution? He and his friends formed a team, with Sunny studying from 4:00 a.m. until his classmates woke up, borrowing their books while they slept. Later, when applying to graduate schools in America, Sunny and three friends made a pact: "If we can find a school where even one of us gets a scholarship, the rest of us will pile on and make it happen." They were accepted to Louisiana State University with three receiving financial assistance. Rather than splitting up to attend better individual schools, they stayed together, pooling their resources. "Each of us had a specific responsibility," Sunny explains. "Mine was to pay the rent, another's job was to make sure there was food on the table, the third guy scheduled our coursework so that we could share books and materials." This teamwork enabled all four to succeed, and decades later, they remain close friends despite living in different parts of the country. When O'Neil became CEO of the Philadelphia 76ers, he emphasized similar values with his leadership team: "We're going to build the greatest place to work in the world." On a tour of their offices, he noticed something odd - a Coca-Cola machine in the kitchen, despite Pepsi being a major sponsor. When it wasn't removed by the next day, O'Neil made it clear that raising standards required action, not excuses. "If it's not gone today, not all of you will be in this meeting tomorrow." One person, Larry Meli, raised his hand to take responsibility, and the machine was gone by noon. The power of teamwork extends to personal relationships as well. Hugh Weber, president of Harris Blitzer Sports & Entertainment, faced a challenging situation when his marriage ended following the disruption of Hurricane Katrina. Years later, when he accepted a job with the New Jersey Devils, his ex-wife moved to New Jersey too, ensuring their children wouldn't be separated from their father. When suitable housing proved difficult to find, they made an extraordinary decision to live together as co-parents. "Our number-one priority was, is, and always will be what is best for the kids," Hugh explains. These stories illustrate that extraordinary teams aren't built on talent alone but on trust, sacrifice, and commitment to something greater than individual success. The water buffalo mentality - moving forward together, supporting each other, and solving problems when they arise - creates resilience that carries organizations and families through their most challenging moments.

Chapter 6: Assuming Positive Intent in Every Interaction

Imagine if you approached every interaction—meetings, phone calls, texts, social media posts, conversations—assuming the other person was kind, generous, and loving, regardless of past experiences. What if you treated each exchange as unique, unaffected by your mood or insecurities? Life would be markedly better. Scott O'Neil calls this practice "API" (Assume Positive Intent), a powerful philosophy that gives others the benefit of the doubt. "At the core of API is the belief that most people are good and have the best intentions," he explains. This approach creates space for possibility rather than judgment. For O'Neil's family, API isn't just a concept but a daily practice. The letters "API" are actually carved in slate near their front door—the last thing they see before entering the world. While they're not perfect, they use API as common language to defuse conflicts. For instance, when his wife asks one of their daughters to "grab the clothes off the stairs," without API, the daughter might hear an accusation: "Grab your clothes, you ungrateful and lazy child." With API, she hears: "Can you please help me out so no one trips and falls?" This mindset extends to professional settings as well. When a young marketing coordinator accidentally sent Philadelphia 76ers promotional materials to 500 New Jersey Devils season ticket holders (teams in different sports and states with rivalries between them), O'Neil could have reacted with anger. Instead, he assumed positive intent, delivered feedback constructively, and focused on solutions rather than blame. Prince Bandar bin Mohammed Al-Saud, a member of the Saudi royal family raised in America, learned the importance of API through challenging experiences with bias. In seventh grade, his teacher made sweeping generalizations about Palestinians (his mother's heritage) being raised to be violent. "She was no longer sharing small inaccuracies, but a sentiment of hers that was stated as fact," he recalls. This experience inspired him to create a photojournalism project capturing diverse Saudi Arabians to challenge stereotypes and promote understanding. For Jill Snodgrass, a Philadelphia 76ers executive, assuming positive intent transformed her self-perception. Adopted from Korea as an infant, she discovered her adoption papers as a teenager and fixated on the word "abandoned" stamped in red. For twenty years, this label shaped her identity and hindered her relationships. When she finally revisited the documents as an adult, she read beyond that word and learned her birth mother had made an incredible sacrifice due to poverty and limited education. "I wasn't abandoned; I was actually saved," Jill realized. This perspective shift allowed her to lower the emotional walls she'd built and develop deeper connections. Merrilee Boyack learned a similar lesson during college orientation when a professor demonstrated the "Act As If" principle. Two students walked across a stage—one confidently engaging the audience, the other withdrawn and downcast. When asked which student they'd prefer to meet, everyone chose the confident one, not realizing both were simply acting. "If you act a certain way, people will interact with you as if that is who you really are," the professor explained. Merrilee immediately applied this insight, pretending to be outgoing despite her insecurity, and found others responding positively. These stories demonstrate that assuming positive intent isn't naïve but transformative. By approaching interactions with openness rather than defensiveness, we create space for understanding, growth, and genuine connection. As former Camden Police Chief Scott Thomson discovered, this approach can even transform communities once plagued by violence and mistrust. When we assume the best in others, we often receive their best in return.

Chapter 7: Trusting the Process: Playing the Long Game

On January 5, 2015, Philadelphia 76ers point guard Tony Wroten told ESPN writer Pablo Torre, "They tell us every game, every day, 'Trust the Process.' Just continue to build." These three words became an anthem chanted by fans worldwide and emblazoned on t-shirts. The phrase was so powerful that star player Joel Embiid adopted "The Process" as his nickname. But what does "Trust the Process" really mean? Far from being about losing games to secure better draft picks (as critics claimed), it represents taking the long view in decision-making. It means making a series of small, principled choices that eventually allow for quantum leaps in progress. It's about standing strong against external pressures and focusing on sustainable growth rather than quick fixes. This philosophy extends beyond basketball. Rich Gotham, president of the Boston Celtics, shared how coach Doc Rivers hung a blank championship banner next to their 17 existing ones in their training facility. "We added that blank banner to remind everyone at the Celtics that the journey was not over," Rivers explained. This visual reminder kept the organization focused on their ultimate goal, even during rebuilding years. Former NBA Commissioner David Stern embodied this long-term thinking in expanding basketball globally. In the 1980s, when NBA games were shown on tape delay and arenas were half-empty, Stern pursued international opportunities that offered no immediate return. After discovering that fans in the Soviet Republic of Georgia knew American players from pirated broadcasts, he began investing in global markets. In China, he waited four hours in a lobby just to meet with network executives, then provided game tapes for free. Decades later, the NBA China business is valued at over $4 billion, with basketball the country's most popular sport. Tennis champion Marion Bartoli learned about perseverance from an unlikely source. At age eight, she met Massimo, a 42-year-old HIV patient at the center where her father volunteered. "Everything you do, every day, will have an impact on your future," Massimo told her, encouraging her tennis dreams. "If you want to be a champion, you need to work like a champion today, tomorrow, and every day thereafter." Six months later, Massimo died, but his words stayed with her through years of grueling practice. At 28, Bartoli won Wimbledon without dropping a set. "As I stepped up to the line before serving my final ace," she recalls, "I saw my dad in the stands smiling down at me." Film director M. Night Shyamalan discovered the power of process after facing rejection. Following several box office hits, he self-financed a return-to-roots film called The Visit. When twenty studios passed on the rough cut, he was devastated: "I'd had such a pure, clear instinct about this film—and it was wrong." Back home, while helping his daughter with a jigsaw puzzle, he had an epiphany: "Stop looking at the big picture, start with one piece." He returned to editing one scene at a time, and three months later, Universal Pictures purchased the film, which ultimately grossed over $300 million. Perhaps the most meaningful application of "Trust the Process" comes from personal relationships. During a father-daughter retreat, O'Neil and his youngest daughter wrote each other love letters, a seemingly simple task that proved transformative. Despite initial resistance to the trip, his daughter hugged him afterward saying, "Dad, this was the best weekend of my life." Their letters - his celebrating her creativity, faith, and spirit; hers acknowledging his bravery, leadership, and fairness - created a foundation of appreciation that continues to sustain their relationship.

Summary

Present at Every Moment reveals a fundamental truth about human connection and fulfillment: being fully engaged where we are is the antidote to our distracted age. Through stories spanning from sports arenas to hospital rooms, from executive suites to family retreats, O'Neil demonstrates that presence isn't merely physical location but an active commitment to engage completely with whatever—and whoever—is before us. The book's interconnected principles form a powerful framework for living more meaningfully: being where your feet are requires intentional focus; changing perspective through adversity helps us grow; prioritizing what truly matters ensures we spend our limited time wisely; learning from failure propels us forward; building extraordinary teams multiplies our impact; assuming positive intent creates space for authentic connection; and trusting the process reminds us that meaningful achievements require patience and persistence. These aren't abstract concepts but lived realities illustrated through vulnerable, sometimes painful experiences of real people who found their way through darkness toward greater wisdom and purpose. Whether it's writing love letters to family members, finding strength in communal support during crisis, or making the conscious choice to see the best in others, the path to a more grounded and present life is paved with small, daily choices that accumulate into profound transformation. As we navigate our fast-paced world, these principles remind us that true success isn't measured by constant achievement but by our capacity to be fully alive in each moment that matters.

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Scott M. O'Neil

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