Change Your Brain, Change Your Life

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life Plot Summary

Introduction

Have you ever felt like your own mind is working against you? Those moments when negative thoughts spiral out of control, when past hurts resurface without warning, or when you find yourself repeating the same self-defeating behaviors despite your best intentions. These internal forces—what we might call our personal dragons—can breathe fire on our emotional centers, driving anxiety, anger, and irrational behavior that sabotage our happiness and relationships. The good news is that you don't have to remain at the mercy of these powerful influences. By understanding how your brain is constantly listening to and being shaped by hidden dragons from your past, the voices of others, automatic negative thoughts, bad habits, and external manipulations, you can learn to tame these forces. This journey toward mental freedom isn't about eliminating your dragons completely—it's about recognizing them, understanding their origins, and redirecting their energy in ways that serve rather than sabotage your well-being. When you master this process, you'll find yourself making better decisions, experiencing greater emotional control, and building healthier relationships even during life's most challenging moments.

Chapter 1: Recognize Your Past Dragons

Dragons from the Past are the powerful emotional memories and experiences that continue to influence your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors long after the original events have passed. These dragons breathe fire on your emotional brain centers, particularly the amygdala, triggering anxiety, anger, and automatic negative reactions that can feel overwhelming and beyond your control. Unless you identify and tame these dragons, they will continue to haunt your unconscious mind and drive emotional pain throughout your life. There are thirteen distinct types of Dragons from the Past, each with their own origins and triggers. For example, Abandoned, Invisible, or Insignificant Dragons emerge when others did not see or recognize you, making you feel unimportant or lonely. Anxious Dragons develop when you were often afraid or felt the world was dangerous. Wounded Dragons arise from trauma, such as physical or emotional abuse. Should and Shaming Dragons come from being raised in a culture of guilt where you were humiliated or criticized. Jimmy, a 39-year-old business executive introduced in the book, struggled with severe anxiety and depression stemming from childhood trauma. His father was a violent gang leader, and Jimmy witnessed drive-by shootings and feared for his life on many occasions. At age 12, he had to give an "impact statement" in court about why his father should not receive the death penalty for a double homicide. This traumatic experience created powerful Anxious Dragons that haunted him throughout his life, particularly manifesting as a crippling fear of public speaking. Through brain imaging studies, Jimmy's SPECT scan revealed damage to his left temporal lobe and increased activity in the emotional part of his brain, consistent with past emotional trauma that had become "stuck." These physical patterns in his brain were directly connected to his emotional struggles. By identifying these Dragons from the Past, Jimmy could begin to understand that his anxiety wasn't just a chemical imbalance—it was his brain's response to deeply embedded trauma. The key to taming your Dragons from the Past is to first identify which ones are most active in your life. Once you recognize them, you can implement specific strategies tailored to each dragon type. For Jimmy, this meant rewriting the story his 12-year-old self had internalized ("If I fail, I could kill my father") to a more empowering narrative: "I am strong and helped save my father from the death penalty. I am powerful and brave." Remember that your history is not your destiny. By recognizing your Dragons from the Past, understanding their origins, and implementing targeted strategies to calm them, you can break free from their control and redirect their energy in positive ways. This process of dragon-taming is essential for good mental health because when these dragons control your brain, your entire life suffers.

Chapter 2: Quiet the External Voices

Your brain is constantly listening not only to your own internal dragons but also to the voices of other people—both alive and dead—who each have their own Dragons from the Past. These external influences, which we can call "They, Them, and Other Dragons," include parents, siblings, teachers, friends, lovers, and even internet trolls. Unless you're careful, you're never just dealing with the present moment; you're dealing with all the moments of all the people involved. These external dragons can be particularly challenging in relationships. For instance, when Jimmy's wife would try to encourage him before a presentation, her supportive words would clash with his Anxious Dragons that were telling him he would fail. This created unnecessary tension in their relationship. Similarly, when parents with Judgmental Dragons criticize their children harshly, they may be responding more to their own past experiences than to their children's actual behavior. One particularly powerful example comes from a police officer who was stressed at work and feeling as though he wasn't making a difference. When he examined his automatic negative thoughts, he realized he was telling himself, "I'm not making a difference." This thought wasn't entirely his own—it echoed the voices of media critics and public sentiment that had become internalized. By challenging this thought and turning it around to "I am making a difference," supported by evidence that every day he had good interactions that helped others, he was able to feel more optimistic and purposeful. Parent Dragons can be especially influential. Most of us heard our parents' words so often they became ingrained into the neural pathways of our brain. Have you ever found yourself repeating to your own children the exact phrases your parents told you, even though you promised yourself you never would? This is your brain listening to the voices of your Parent Dragons. Similarly, Teacher and Coach Dragons can leave lasting impressions. One patient described how a speech coach told her she would never get into medical school because she "wasn't smart enough," which affected her confidence for years. To quiet these external voices, start by identifying which ones have the most influence over you. Ask yourself: What do I need to listen to or leave behind? For Parent Dragons, focus on the positive parental messaging you received, and flip the negative messages around to use them as motivation to prove them wrong. For Former, Current, and Prospective Lover Dragons, reframe harsh words from past relationships so you can learn from mistakes without beating yourself up. Remember that other people's dragons are contagious. Everyone has energy that impacts the brains around them. Negative people infect a group with stress, while positive people tend to increase everyone's joy. Choose carefully whose voices you allow to influence your thoughts and decisions, and remember that what others think of you is none of your business.

Chapter 3: Challenge Negative Thoughts

Your brain is always listening and responding to every thought you have, especially the stressful and positive ones. The thousands of thoughts you have every day are based on myriad factors, including your Dragons from the Past, external voices, genetics, past experiences, sensory input, and even what you had for dinner last night. Negative thoughts cause your brain to immediately release chemicals that affect every cell in your body, making you feel bad, while positive thoughts release chemicals that make you feel good. These automatic negative thoughts, or ANTs as Dr. Amen calls them, provide fuel for emotional suffering and relationship problems. There are nine types of ANTs that commonly infest our thinking: All-or-Nothing ANTs (thinking in absolutes), Less-Than ANTs (comparing yourself negatively), Just-the-Bad ANTs (seeing only the negative), Guilt-Beating ANTs (using "should" statements), Labeling ANTs (attaching negative labels), Fortune-Telling ANTs (predicting the worst), Mind-Reading ANTs (assuming you know what others think), If-Only and I'll-Be-Happy-When ANTs (arguing with reality), and Blaming ANTs (making others responsible for your problems). Terry, a patient who struggled in school, was labeled by parents and teachers as "lazy, stupid, and irresponsible." These Guilt-Beating and Labeling ANTs created immense shame, leading him to drop out of school and fall into depression. He lived in isolation, believing he could never have a family. At age 46, his mental health worsened. When he came to Dr. Amen's clinic, his SPECT scan showed severe damage to his frontal lobes, consistent with a traumatic brain injury he'd had as a small child but had never been diagnosed. After learning about this physical cause of his struggles, Terry and his mother cried together for hours. They realized he didn't have a bad attitude; he had a troubled brain. With proper treatment including diet recommendations, supplements, and hyperbaric oxygen therapy, Terry's brain scans showed dramatic improvement, as did his mood, energy, and hope for the future. His story illustrates how our thoughts about ourselves can be completely wrong, yet still cause tremendous suffering. The key to challenging these negative thoughts is to recognize them as ANTs and subject them to questioning. Dr. Amen recommends writing down 100 of your worst ANTs and then asking five questions about each one: Is it true? Can you absolutely know it's true? How do you feel when you believe this thought? How would you feel if you couldn't have this thought? What is the opposite of this thought, and is it truer? This process helps you see that just because you have a thought doesn't mean it's true. Thoughts lie—a lot—and it's your uninvestigated thoughts that steal your happiness. If you don't question or correct your erroneous thoughts, you believe them and act as if they are 100 percent true. By challenging your ANTs, you can break free from their control and redirect your thinking in more accurate and helpful ways. Remember, this isn't about positive thinking—it's about accurate thinking. Positive thinking says you can have the third piece of cheesecake and it won't hurt you. Accurate thinking leads to better mental health, fewer bad habits, and a happier life.

Chapter 4: Break Harmful Habits

Although your brain is always listening to dragons, habits pretty much run your life. Virtually everything you do is based on a series of habits you've developed over your lifetime. Some habits move your life forward in ways that make you proud, while others become dragons that lead to trouble in relationships, work, and finances. These Bad Habit Dragons can take over when your Dragon Tamer (the prefrontal cortex of your brain) is drowsy or asleep. There are ten common Bad Habit Dragons that can steal your happiness, health, and relationships. The Saying Yes, When You Should Say No Bad Habit Dragon overwhelms people and can make them bitter and chronically stressed. The Automatic No or Arguing Bad Habit Dragon causes people to reflexively disagree or oppose others' ideas. The Interrupting, No-Filter Bad Habit Dragon makes people talk over others and say the first thing that comes to mind without considering the impact. Carter, an attorney, struggled with the Saying Yes, When You Should Say No Bad Habit Dragon. He told Dr. Amen he didn't have time to work out or eat healthy because he was so busy. When they went through his week, it was clear he had committed himself to many activities that served other people's needs but few of his own. Dr. Amen taught him the magic phrase "I have to think about it" and had him practice saying it over and over in front of the mirror. Then he was to filter every request through this question: Does this fit the goals I have for my life? If it didn't, he would politely decline. Over three months, this simple exercise changed his life. He had more time for his wife, children, sleep, and even pro bono work, which was one of his goals. To retrain or convert Bad Habit Dragons into good ones, follow five simple steps: First, identify the Bad Habit Dragon and start tracking it. Second, identify the cues or triggers for the habit. Third, determine what rewards or benefits you get from the behavior. Fourth, find other ways to get the same or better benefits. Finally, build a new routine that supports your goals. For example, if you struggle with the Overeating Bad Habit Dragon, you might notice that you tend to overeat when you're bored, stressed, or watching TV. The reward you get might be comfort, distraction, or pleasure. Alternative ways to get these benefits could include taking a walk, calling a friend, or engaging in a hobby you enjoy. Your new routine might involve keeping healthy snacks readily available, eating mindfully without distractions, and practicing stress-reduction techniques. Remember that once formed, good habits take the same amount of energy as bad habits. The key is to be intentional about which habits you cultivate and to make sure they align with your goals and values. By taking your words and actions off autopilot and using your prefrontal cortex to direct them in a purposeful way, you can boost your happiness, improve your relationships, and increase your overall success.

Chapter 5: Strengthen Your Dragon Tamer

The prefrontal cortex (PFC), located in the front third of your brain, serves as your Dragon Tamer. This critical brain region is responsible for supervision, protection from saying or doing stupid things, goal setting, planning, focus, judgment, impulse control, organization, empathy, insight, and learning from mistakes. When your Dragon Tamer is healthy and strong, it can help direct and supervise the addition of healthy habits. When it is weak, you are more easily influenced by untamed dragons, and your impulses can take over. Jessica, a 38-year-old nurse and mother of three, had felt depressed since the birth of her third child. She was chronically overwhelmed, causing stress in her marriage and with her kids. She had been in therapy for years, but it never seemed to help enough. Her primary care doctor had prescribed an antidepressant called Lexapro, which had made her much worse, causing her to say mean, hurtful things to her husband and children. When Dr. Amen performed a SPECT scan on Jessica's brain, it showed lower overall activity, especially in the PFC, which is a classic finding in people with ADHD. As he gathered more history, he learned that Jessica had been a good student but teachers said she talked too much, was restless, and had trouble sitting still. Homework had taken her twice as long as it took her friends. She was often late and disorganized. Jessica had classic untreated ADHD, causing stress not only for herself but also for her husband and children. Her Dragon Tamer had been weak her whole life. When Dr. Amen treated her ADHD with nutrients, including omega-3 fatty acids and zinc, and a low dose of a stimulant, her focus improved, her stress lessened, and her marriage was dramatically better. Her brain also became much healthier. Initially, Jessica did not want to take medicine because she did not want to be someone different. Dr. Amen told her the medicine and supplements wouldn't make her a different person, but they would help her be who she really was when her brain worked right. Strengthening her Dragon Tamer helped everyone in her family. To strengthen your own Dragon Tamer, start by clearly defining your goals for your life using the One Page Miracle exercise. Write out your major goals in the areas of relationships, work or school, finances, and self (physical, emotional, and spiritual health). Look at these goals every day, and before you do or say anything, ask yourself: Is my behavior getting me what I want? Then, eliminate anything that hurts your Dragon Tamer, such as lack of sleep, alcohol, drugs, head injuries, and high or low blood sugar. Strengthen it with strategies like exercise to boost blood flow, learning new things to keep your brain active, supplementing with omega-3 fatty acids and a multiple vitamin, optimizing your vitamin D level, and keeping your blood sugar stable. Remember, you are more likely to be able to protect yourself from dragons and ANTs when you have clear goals, a healthy blood-sugar level, plenty of sleep, no alcohol in your system, and you are not hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. When your Dragon Tamer is strong, you're the one in charge.

Chapter 6: Create Your Recovery Plan

Creating a comprehensive recovery plan is essential for taming your dragons and maintaining mental freedom. This plan must address all four circles of health—biological, psychological, social, and spiritual—while incorporating strategies to strengthen your Dragon Tamer and calm your Dragons from the Past. The journey to mental freedom isn't a one-time event but an ongoing process of awareness, practice, and growth. Jose, a compulsive cheater who had been unfaithful to his wife Angela eight times in just four years, came to Dr. Amen for help. His brain SPECT scan showed three significant abnormalities: increased activity in the anterior cingulate gyrus (associated with compulsive behavior), decreased activity in the prefrontal cortex (his Dragon Tamer), and evidence of brain trauma. Further questioning revealed that Jose had played football, been a bull rider and mixed martial artist, and had a habit of breaking things with his head as a "party trick." Based on these findings, Dr. Amen created a personalized recovery plan for Jose that included: stopping alcohol consumption (which lowers prefrontal cortex capacity), getting enough sleep, cleaning up his diet, eliminating caffeine and energy drinks, and taking specific supplements to help with both his impulsivity and compulsions. Jose was also taught to plant two words in his head—"Then what?"—to help boost his prefrontal cortex by thinking about the future consequences of his behavior. The results were remarkable. Seven months later, Jose's follow-up SPECT scan showed dramatic improvement. His behavior had changed too. During a vacation in Hawaii, Jose saw people jumping off a 60-foot cliff into water below. His immediate reaction was that he wanted to do it too, as thrill-seeking had been part of his life for a long time. But when he got to the top and looked down, something different happened. He thought to himself, "Then what? What if I land wrong? What if I get hurt? What if I am paralyzed? I have a wife and child, and we want another child." After consideration, he decided not to jump—a level of thoughtful restraint he had never shown before. To create your own recovery plan, start by identifying which dragons are most active in your life using the strategies outlined in previous chapters. Then implement specific interventions for each dragon type. For example, if you struggle with Anxious Dragons, incorporate diaphragmatic breathing, prayer, meditation, and using your five senses to calm your emotional brain. If Addicted Dragons have taken hold, follow the 12-step brain-based recovery program that includes knowing what you want, caring for your brain, locking up craving dragons, and eliminating people who make you vulnerable. Share what you've learned with others. By helping others tame their dragons, it's less likely that their dragons will try to pick a fight with yours. This creates more peace, more happiness, and better relationships in our society at large. As you practice these strategies, your Dragon Tamer will grow stronger, and you'll become more skilled at redirecting your dragons' energy in positive ways. Remember that dragons will assault you every day. Some days they'll be whispering inside your head. Other days, when stress and anxiety are high, they'll be screaming incessantly. Whether you listen to them depends on the health of your brain and the strength of your Dragon Tamer. With practice and persistence, you can learn to tame your dragons and live with greater mental freedom and emotional well-being.

Summary

The journey to mental freedom begins with a simple yet profound realization: your brain is always listening—to your past experiences, to other people's voices, to your own thoughts, to your habits, and to the world around you. By recognizing these influences and learning to tame the dragons they create, you gain the power to redirect what your brain listens to and reclaim control over your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. As Dr. Amen writes, "When you really start to hear what your brain is listening to, you will become much more cautious about what you allow to influence you and those you love." This awareness is the first step toward transformation. The strategies outlined throughout this journey—from identifying your Dragons from the Past to strengthening your Dragon Tamer—provide a comprehensive roadmap for achieving greater emotional well-being and resilience. Your action step today is simple yet powerful: identify your primary dragon and implement just one taming strategy. Notice how this small change begins to shift your experience, then gradually expand your practice to include additional dragons and strategies. Remember, you don't have to be perfect—you just need to be consistent in your efforts to redirect what your brain listens to. With practice and patience, you'll find yourself better equipped to face whatever challenges life brings your way.

About Author

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Daniel G. Amen

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