Coming Alive

Coming Alive Plot Summary

Introduction

I remember sitting in my car, staring blankly at the steering wheel. It was a Tuesday afternoon, and I had just canceled yet another social engagement. My friends had stopped calling as often, and I couldn't blame them. For months, I'd been trapped in a cycle of work, sleep, and solitude. I was breathing, but not truly living—existing, but not alive. The most frustrating part? I couldn't pinpoint exactly when or how my life had become so small. This feeling of being stuck—of watching life pass by without fully participating in it—is something we all experience. Whether it's a creative project we can't seem to start, a relationship pattern we can't break, or a career path that feels increasingly narrow, we all face moments when our potential seems frustratingly out of reach. What if these obstacles aren't just random challenges but manifestations of an internal enemy actively working to limit our lives? Barry Michels and Phil Stutz offer a revolutionary perspective: inside each of us lives a force they call "Part X" that actively works to block our growth and keep us playing small. Through practical, actionable tools, they show us how to reconnect with our Life Force—that innate energy that drives creativity, courage, and connection—allowing us to defeat this inner enemy and access our soul's unlimited potential.

Chapter 1: The Four Dark Forces: How Part X Holds You Back

Phil wasn't sure what to make of Beth when she first entered his office. Before he could even introduce himself, she headed straight for the most comfortable chair and sank into it without making eye contact. When she finally looked up, she waved him off with an exhausted gesture. "I'm sorry. Give me a minute," she said, collapsing deeper into the chair. When she finally spoke, her voice carried the weight of profound fatigue. "I didn't mean to be rude. I'm drained. I just needed a little time to get it together." Phil nodded, and Beth offered a relieved smile. When he asked what had drained her, she sighed audibly. "My life. I can't keep up with it. I have to take care of so many people. I try, but I can't please everyone...or anyone." Beth ran a catering business with her sister Eileen. While her sister seemed to have boundless energy, Beth constantly felt depleted. "She has ten times the energy I have," Beth explained. "She's always telling me to 'break through my blocks'—that tiredness is all in my head." Beth had been medically evaluated several times, with doctors finding nothing wrong. Yet her exhaustion was undeniable and affected every aspect of her life, including her relationship with her young daughter, who had begun rejecting her at bedtime. "She says I don't care about her. My husband says it's because I don't spend enough time with her. I love her, but no one gets how exhausted I am by the end of the day." Beth's fatigue hadn't always defined her life. As a teenager, she'd been vibrant and energetic—a star athlete with excellent grades. But when her mother died suddenly when Beth was seventeen, everything changed. Her alcoholic father became her responsibility, and the constant pressure of his demands drained her. "He was like, 'Cook me a steak! Bring me a drink! Clear the table!' Not that he'd ever say 'Thank you.' He was a bloodsucker." To preserve her energy, Beth began withdrawing from activities and friends. "I looked forward to naps. The only time I felt good was when I was asleep." What Beth didn't realize was that her strategy was backfiring. The amount of energy we have depends on our relationship with the world. We create energy when we engage with life, and we destroy energy when we withdraw from it. Each time Beth canceled an activity or didn't answer a text, she wasn't protecting her energy—she was squandering it. Part X had convinced her that life's demands were overwhelming, and that retreat was her only option. This is how Part X operates—it weaponizes our challenges into reasons to disengage from life. While Beth attributed her exhaustion to external circumstances, the real culprit was her disengagement. The solution wasn't to retreat further but to recognize how Part X was limiting her life through this first dark force: lethargy. By understanding this pattern and learning tools to counter it, Beth could reclaim her energy and reconnect with what matters most—her daughter, her work, and ultimately, her own potential.

Chapter 2: Self-Gratification: Breaking Free from Impulses

When Susan and Marty walked into Barry's office for their first therapy session, they appeared to be a respectful couple simply seeking help with their sixteen-year-old daughter Ashley's overspending habits. Within minutes, however, the situation exploded into something far more complex. Susan revealed that Ashley had stolen money from her purse—information she had promised not to share with Marty. His reaction was immediate and volcanic. "Our daughter turns into a criminal and you keep it a secret from me? THIS IS WHY OUR WHOLE HOUSE IS OUT OF CONTROL!" Susan seized the opportunity to retaliate. "I rest my case. You're the one who's out of control, and your temper's only the beginning. You think I don't know where you're going when you leave the house at eleven o'clock on a school night?" Turning to Barry, she continued, "He says he doesn't want any secrets, but he's at the card clubs every night, gambling away our life savings." Marty struck back: "And what are you doing at eleven o'clock? Dragging a tub of ice cream out of the freezer! It's revolting. I only started gambling so I wouldn't have to watch you stuff your face every night." The real problem became clear: no one in the family knew how to control themselves. Susan couldn't control herself with food. Marty gambled and had a hair-trigger temper. Ashley was a shopaholic and stealing money. Their fourteen-year-old son Chad had previously been a straight-A student but was now failing his classes, spending all his time playing video games. Each family member was caught in the grip of immediate gratification—what the authors identify as one of Part X's most powerful weapons. A month later, Chad's report card arrived showing Cs and Ds. This shocked Marty into action. As a stockbroker whose own career had stalled partly due to his temper, he had pinned his hopes on Chad's success. Now he returned to therapy, determined to help his son. Barry explained that Marty's own lack of self-control was the root issue: "If you can't restrain yourself, how are you going to teach Ashley to restrain herself?" Barry taught Marty the "Black Sun" tool, designed to help resist impulses. Whenever Marty felt like exploding with rage or heading to the card clubs, he used the tool. It wasn't perfect—there were failures along the way—but gradually, Marty gained control over his impulses. The transformation was remarkable. One evening, Chad passed Marty's bedroom and did a double-take: his father wasn't out gambling but reading in bed. For the first time in months, Chad smiled at his father. This ripple effect continued throughout the family. With Marty modeling self-control, he and Susan were able to set appropriate boundaries for their children. Chad agreed to complete homework before playing video games, and even Ashley began researching schools specializing in fashion design rather than just consuming it. By addressing Marty's inability to resist impulses, the entire family dynamic shifted. The story of Marty's family illustrates how Part X uses impulses to sabotage our potential. Each seemingly minor indulgence—a gambling session, an emotional outburst, a late-night ice cream binge—might appear harmless in isolation, but collectively they form a self-indulgent lifestyle that destroys our future. What's so devious about Part X's strategy is that it drains us drip by drip, so gradually we're not even aware of it happening. By learning to resist these impulses through tools like the Black Sun, we regain control over our lives and create space for what truly matters.

Chapter 3: Lethargy: Accessing Unlimited Energy

Andrew entered Phil's office with the confident stride of a successful TV anchorman. His silver hair, strong features, and resonant baritone immediately commanded attention. He introduced himself with practiced charm, flashing a thousand-watt smile that conveyed how thrilled he was to be there. He talked nonstop, oddly focusing on Phil rather than himself—reciting details about Phil's education, publications, and career. But behind the polished exterior, Phil detected shock and confusion in Andrew's eyes. When asked why he'd sought therapy, Andrew's perfect smile faded, and his voice transformed into that of a frightened teenager: "At my job...they're trying to kill me." Seeing Phil's reaction, he quickly clarified, "No, no...not literally kill me. In TV that's what they say when they try to ruin you." He clutched his heart with both hands as if trying to contain an invisible wound. Andrew explained that the station had hired a young, attractive, and ambitious co-anchor named Kelly after ratings declined. Andrew had expected to be consulted about who would share the screen with him but hadn't been included in the decision. "I'm the one who has to work with her, but no one ever asked my opinion. It's not fair." Within six months, Kelly was given her own show, despite having far less experience than Andrew. He was convinced she had manipulated her way into the position and had confronted his mentor, demanding to know why he hadn't protected Andrew from getting "stabbed in the back." His mentor's response was revealing: "She never did a thing to hurt you. All she did was to prepare well and take risks. She was willing to be uncomfortable; you just want to be liked." The real story gradually emerged. As a child, Andrew had struggled unsuccessfully to win approval from his critical, bitter father, a newspaper reporter who warned him never to trust anyone. Though physically imposing, Andrew was emotionally hypersensitive. When criticized, he would ruminate on the rejection endlessly. In broadcasting, his good looks landed him an anchor job, but his need to be liked made him a "soft" interviewer. When his mentor encouraged him to leave his comfort zone and do field reporting, Andrew had tried once, failed, and refused to try again, claiming, "No one believes in me." Kelly, in contrast, didn't need constant approval. She was willing to make guests uncomfortable, which viewers appreciated. The ratings increased, and she was rewarded with her own show—not because she had manipulated anyone, but because she had taken risks Andrew was unwilling to take. Phil's diagnosis wasn't what one might expect. Rather than seeing Andrew through the lens of narcissistic personality disorder, Phil recognized something more fundamental: Andrew was caught in lethargy—a profound lack of energy that made any risk or challenge feel impossible. Part X had convinced him that protecting himself from rejection was more important than growth. The result was a life played small, dominated by fear rather than possibility. Lethargy is deceptive because it masquerades as a physical limitation when it's actually a psychological trap. Part X whispers that we don't have enough energy to meet life's demands, that withdrawal is our only option. This creates a vicious cycle: the more we disengage from life, the less energy we have. The antidote is counterintuitive—instead of conserving energy by withdrawing, we must create energy by engaging more fully with life. Through tools like the Vortex, we can access an infinite source of spiritual energy that allows us to overcome inertia and step into our full potential.

Chapter 4: Demoralization: Building Resilience Through Setbacks

Ann trudged into Barry's office and sank into the couch, her face pale and strained with emotion. "I told myself I wasn't going to cry, but I can't seem to stop," she said, reaching for a tissue. When Barry asked what was wrong, she rolled her eyes. "Another relationship bit the dust. It's happened a million times—you'd think I'd be used to it by now." This breakup hit harder than previous ones. "It's the best relationship I've ever been in, and we both walked away from it," she explained. As they talked, it became clear that Ann only felt fully alive when in a relationship—without one, life felt colorless and empty. "All I've ever wanted, really, was to find the right guy and be loved by him." The search for love began with her father, a charismatic but emotionally unavailable man who held court in neighborhood bars, often making Ann the butt of his jokes. When she'd try to bring him home, he'd ridicule her in front of his friends, leaving her in tears that he never acknowledged. To cope with rejection, Ann would retreat to her room and fall into fantasy: imagining her father taking her to special dinners and showing genuine interest in her. This pattern continued into adulthood. In one relationship, she supported a wannabe musician so he could focus on writing songs—only to discover he was sleeping with other women. When confronted, he blamed her for working too much, then dumped her. Though devastated, Ann eventually picked herself up, vowing to date only financially independent men. But these relationships brought new challenges—the men were so independent they had no desire to integrate her into their lives. Then Ann met Luke, who seemed perfect: successful, ambitious, and genuinely interested in her life. "We spent every night together. He wanted to meet my friends—he even remembered all their names. It was a magical time." But gradually, the thrill faded. "After a while, I started to feel let down, like 'This isn't nearly as good as I thought it was going to be.' I remember sitting at my desk, planning to see him after work, and realizing he didn't seem special anymore." Little things about Luke began to irritate her—his smell, the noises he made while eating. When they discussed their feelings, they discovered the magic had faded for both of them, and they ended the relationship. Now Ann was convinced: "I always thought it was just a matter of finding the right guy. But I finally found him and it still didn't work out. Now it's clear: I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life." Barry recognized that Ann was caught in demoralization—one of Part X's most powerful weapons. What she didn't realize was that she'd been seeking more than a relationship; she was looking for a magical solution to life's inherent difficulties. She wanted Luke to keep her life inspiring and stimulating, to spare her from boredom and loneliness. But no relationship, no matter how perfect, can do that. Part X had led her on a futile chase for something that didn't exist. Demoralization is particularly destructive because it infects everything. Problems go unsolved, opportunities are missed, and life contracts. The "Why bother?" attitude becomes pervasive. The antidote is resilience—the ability to create hope out of despair. Through the Mother tool, Ann could learn to regulate her own mood rather than depending on external circumstances. This wouldn't just help her recover from setbacks faster; it would give her the power to create her own sense of meaning and purpose, independent of whether she was in a relationship or not.

Chapter 5: Hurt Feelings: Transforming Pain into Strength

When Phil first met Beth, she entered his office without looking at him. Her eyes darted around until she found the most comfortable chair, which she promptly lowered herself into. She appeared exhausted, as if she'd been on her feet all day. When Phil moved toward her to introduce himself, she waved him off with a weary gesture. "I'm sorry. Give me a minute," she said, sinking deeper into the chair. After collecting herself, she explained, "I didn't mean to be rude. I'm drained. I just needed a little time to get it together." When Phil asked what had drained her, she sighed audibly. "My life. I can't keep up with it. I have to take care of so many people. I try, but I can't please everyone...or anyone." Beth ran a catering business with her sister Eileen. Unlike her sister, who seemed to have boundless energy, Beth constantly felt depleted. "She has ten times the energy I have," Beth explained. "She's always telling me to 'break through my blocks'—that tiredness is all in my head." Despite multiple medical evaluations finding nothing wrong, Beth's exhaustion was profound and affecting every aspect of her life, including her relationship with her young daughter. "She says I don't care about her. My husband says it's because I don't spend enough time with her. I love her, but no one gets how exhausted I am by the end of the day. Some days I don't have the strength to walk up the stairs to her room." Phil discovered that Beth hadn't always been this way. As a teenager, she'd been vibrant and talented—everything came easily to her. But when her mother died suddenly when Beth was seventeen, the care of her alcoholic father fell to her. The physical demands were taxing, but the emotional strain of dealing with his demeaning personality seemed to drain her completely. "He was like, 'Cook me a steak! Bring me a drink! Clear the table!' Not that he'd ever say 'Thank you.' He was a bloodsucker." To preserve her energy, Beth began withdrawing from activities and friends. She quit the soccer team, did minimal schoolwork, and retreated to her room for naps whenever possible. "I looked forward to the naps. The only time I felt good was when I was asleep." But this strategy backfired—her fatigue only worsened. What Beth didn't realize was that energy isn't a fixed resource—it's created through engagement with the world. Every time she canceled an activity or ignored a text message, she wasn't conserving energy; she was destroying it. It was like being in a sinking boat and throwing overboard the very things that could keep her afloat—her connections to the world. Phil taught Beth the Vortex tool, which helps access an infinite source of spiritual energy beyond the physical body. Initially skeptical—"It's just one more thing I don't have the energy to do"—Beth reluctantly tried it on small tasks, like making an unpleasant phone call. To her surprise, it worked. "I used the tool and it definitely gave me more energy, so I made the call. I thought it was impossible that a tool could help." The next day, she made two more difficult calls she hadn't planned on, and when she got home, she played with her daughter—who, for the first time in a long while, welcomed her attention. But afterward, Beth still retreated to her room for her habitual nap, even though she wasn't tired. "I never know when my energy will run out, so I try to store some up." Phil explained that energy can't be hoarded—it's created through engagement. As Beth began using the Vortex tool more consistently, she gradually reconnected with life in all its dimensions: reaching out to customers, rebuilding her marriage, rekindling friendships, and discovering new interests. Most importantly, she rebuilt her relationship with her daughter, who now saw a mother fully alive and present. The Vortex tool demonstrates a profound truth: we're not limited to the physical energy of our bodies. There exists a spiritual energy available to us at all times—we just need to learn how to access it. When we tap into this limitless source, we can meet life's demands with enthusiasm rather than dread, turning what once seemed impossible into an opportunity for growth and connection.

Chapter 6: Living Truth, Beauty and Goodness: The Path to Wholeness

Sheryl had spent her life taking care of her alcoholic mother. From an early age, she would rouse her mother from intoxicated stupors, get her washed up, and tuck her into bed. The next morning, she'd charm her mother's boss into forgiving her tardiness before heading to school herself. Despite this challenging childhood, Sheryl developed impressive strengths—she took responsibility for herself early in life, ran a successful cosmetics line, and by thirty had guided a startup through a successful public offering. But she remained overinvolved in her mother's life, constantly pushing her into therapy, twelve-step programs, and treatment centers. Her mother dutifully attended them all, but never changed—creating an endless cycle of Sheryl cajolling her mother to get sober, her mother going on the wagon, then relapsing, followed by Sheryl's anger, her mother's apologies, and the cycle beginning again. After an intervention by friends who pointed out that Sheryl had "no life," she finally admitted she was powerless to cure her mother's alcoholism. But Part X is relentless. When a colleague mentioned a luxurious new rehab facility in Malibu, Sheryl immediately thought of her mother. She rationalized to her friends: "All I want to do is hand her the rehab brochure and walk away—she can throw it in the trash for all I care." Her mother checked in the next day, but two weeks later, Sheryl received a call that her mother had disappeared and gone on a bender. This time, instead of anger, Sheryl fell into depression. A friend referred her to Barry, who taught her the Mother tool. As she used it consistently, something profound happened. During one session with the tool, Sheryl had a vivid visualization of her childhood home—complete with the rancid smell of alcohol and her mother clutching a bottle of gin like an infant. When Sheryl asked, "Why don't you ever hold me that way?" her mother's face twisted with hatred, and she walked away, leaving Sheryl alone and devastated. This painful revelation showed Sheryl a deeper truth: "My mother loves alcohol more than she loves me. She always has. And I have to stop fighting it." This wasn't just an intellectual realization—it was Truth as a force, thundering through her entire being. It hurt, but it freed her from the lie that had limited her life. As Sheryl continued her inner work, she began to experience not just Truth, but also Beauty and Goodness—what the authors describe as three aspects of the Life Force. Beauty revealed itself in unexpected places—a plastic bag dancing in the breeze, the weather-beaten face of an elderly person, or a street scene that might have seemed ugly before. It filled her with the sense that anything was possible, inspiring her to fight against Part X's limitations. Goodness emerged as Sheryl began transforming her impulses to "fix" others into genuine service. Rather than trying to force her mother to change, she began volunteering at a recovery center where her experiences could truly help others who wanted to change. This shift wasn't about achieving a state of perfect virtue—it was about the ongoing process of transforming negative energy into positive action. The journey through Truth, Beauty, and Goodness isn't linear but cyclical. Part X continually pushes us down, but each time we use the tools to rise back up, our Life Force grows stronger. This cyclical nature of growth is exemplified in the ancient Greek myth of Persephone, who cycles between the underworld and the world of light. Similarly, we all move between states of contraction and expansion, death and rebirth. By accepting these cycles and using tools to navigate them, we discover our soul's true purpose. We become both fully human—embracing our limitations—and fully divine, channeling the Life Force to transform ourselves and the world around us. This integration of our lower and higher selves is the ultimate path to wholeness, allowing us to live with meaning, purpose, and an unshakable connection to something greater than ourselves.

Summary

When we find ourselves stuck in life's quicksand—unable to resist impulses, chronically exhausted, demoralized by setbacks, or consumed by hurt feelings—we're experiencing more than random challenges. We're facing what Michels and Stutz identify as "Part X," an inner enemy actively working to limit our lives and drain our Life Force. Through vivid stories like Marty's struggle with self-control, Beth's debilitating fatigue, Ann's relationship disappointments, and Sheryl's codependency, we see how Part X operates and, more importantly, how it can be defeated through practical, accessible tools. The wisdom revealed through these transformative journeys offers profound guidance for our own lives. First, our problems aren't obstacles but opportunities—each difficulty is actually a chance to use tools that increase our Life Force. Second, the battle against Part X isn't something we win once and for all—it's cyclical, with downs followed by ups, requiring ongoing vigilance and practice. Finally, as we persist in this work, we access more than relief from specific symptoms; we connect to Truth, Beauty, and Goodness—forces that give our lives meaning and purpose. By embracing these principles and consistently using the tools, we can move beyond merely existing to truly coming alive, fulfilling our soul's potential and contributing to the healing of the world around us.

About Author

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Barry Michels

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