Damaged but Not Destroyed

Damaged but Not Destroyed Plot Summary

Introduction

In a world where perfection is often demanded and weakness concealed, Michael Todd stands as a refreshing voice of authenticity. Growing up in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Todd's journey from a young drummer with shattered dreams to becoming the lead pastor of Transformation Church reveals the power of embracing vulnerability. His story isn't one of flawless achievement, but rather a testament to how our most painful experiences can become pathways to purpose when we allow ourselves to be honest about our brokenness. What makes Todd's message so compelling is his willingness to be H.O.T. - humble, open, and transparent - about his own struggles with rejection, pornography addiction, and perfectionism. Through his candid revelations and the biblical story of Mephibosheth (a damaged royal with a transformative encounter with grace), Todd illuminates how our wounds don't disqualify us from greatness. Instead, they can become the very material God uses to create something beautiful. Readers will discover practical steps toward healing, learn how to transform generational cycles of pain, and witness how acknowledging vulnerability rather than hiding it becomes the unexpected key to restoration.

Chapter 1: From Invisible Wounds to Visible Scars

Life rarely telegraphs its most devastating blows. For Michael Todd, one of those unseen hits came at thirteen when, despite his exceptional drumming skills, he was repeatedly denied the opportunity to play in "big church." Week after week, he would attend choir practice, watching the adult drummer play while fantasizing about taking his place. The constant rejection struck deep, embedding itself in his young heart with a painful message: good wasn't good enough. He needed to be great. This seemingly minor disappointment became what Todd calls a "domino hit," setting off a chain reaction that would shape his choices, relationships, and self-image for decades. The thirteen-year-old Michael made an inner vow that would drive him relentlessly: "I will never be satisfied with being good. I need to be great." This drive for perfection appeared beneficial on the surface - fueling his achievements, his work ethic, and his ministry growth. But beneath this admirable facade lay unhealed damage that would eventually threaten everything he held dear. Years later, Todd experienced another profound hit when his son MJ was diagnosed with autism. Initially, he refused to accept the diagnosis, choosing denial over the painful reality. He insisted that his wife's concerns were unfounded and that his faith would somehow override the clear evidence before him. It was a classic case of what Todd describes as damage driving behavior: "When damage is behind the wheel, we're headed for trouble." The most startling revelation in Todd's journey came when, at thirty-one years old, a buried memory suddenly resurfaced. During a time of prayer, Todd unexpectedly recalled being sexually abused as a child of six or seven - a trauma so confusing and shameful that his mind had protected him by forgetting. This delayed recognition of damage illustrated how our deepest wounds can remain invisible to us while still profoundly affecting our lives, relationships, and ministry. As Todd compassionately reminds readers who've experienced similar trauma: "It wasn't your fault." Through these painful experiences, Todd developed a framework for understanding damage - identifying the "darts" (words, actions, exposure, or environment) that hit and stick in various "domains" of our lives (disappointment, rejection, abuse, etc.). This dartboard of damage became a tool not just for recognizing his own wounds but for helping others locate theirs. For true healing cannot begin until we acknowledge where we've been hit.

Chapter 2: Recognizing the Cost of Unhealed Trauma

Unhealed damage exacts a devastating toll, silently sabotaging relationships, opportunities, and destinies. Michael Todd discovered this truth when his obsession with greatness nearly ruined his wedding day. Rather than enjoying this once-in-a-lifetime celebration with his bride Natalie, the couple stayed up all night before the ceremony hanging crystal balls from light fixtures to create the appearance of chandeliers. They didn't eat dinner at their own reception because they were too busy ensuring everyone else had a "great" experience. They even missed their first dance due to exhaustion. What should have been good enough wasn't - and both paid the price. This pattern continued in Todd's ministry and family life. When his son MJ began showing signs of developmental delay, Todd's unhealed damage drove him to deny reality. Instead of supporting his wife's concerns, he insisted they should have "Crazy Faith" that everything would be fine. This response wasn't truly about faith but about his inability to accept what felt like failure. His damage was driving, preventing him from providing the empathy and partnership his wife desperately needed during this challenging time. Damage doesn't just affect individuals; it creates ripple effects through families and communities. Todd illustrates this through the biblical story of King David's family dysfunction. Despite being "a man after God's own heart," David's unaddressed trauma led to devastating consequences when his son Amnon sexually violated his daughter Tamar. Rather than pursuing justice, David merely felt angry then moved on. This neglect created a cascade of tragedy: Tamar's brother Absalom murdered Amnon and eventually led a rebellion against his father. One person's unhealed damage became a generational curse. The subtle danger of unhealed trauma lies in how it masquerades as personality traits or even strengths. Todd's drive for excellence appeared admirable until he recognized it as a coping mechanism for rejection. Similarly, someone's humor might mask deep pain, or perfectionism might conceal profound insecurity. "Not everything that appears good about your personality comes from a good place," Todd warns. Our fruit is connected to our root - and roots contaminated by unacknowledged damage produce tainted fruit. Perhaps most insidious is how damage distorts our self-perception. Like Mephibosheth, who referred to himself as a "dead dog" despite being offered royal restoration, many carry internal narratives that contradict God's view of them. Todd emphasizes that damage makes us answer to names we were never given by our Father. Whether labeled by addiction, failure, abuse, or inadequacy, these false identities keep us trapped in cycles of shame and self-sabotage. Recognition of this cost is the crucial first step toward healing.

Chapter 3: Finding Grace at the King's Table

The transformative power of grace stands at the heart of healing from life's deepest wounds. In the biblical narrative that frames Todd's message, King David seeks out Mephibosheth - the crippled son of his deceased best friend Jonathan - not to harm him but to show him kindness. Despite having every reason to fear the king, Mephibosheth is brought into David's presence and offered three astounding promises: kindness, restoration of his grandfather's property, and a permanent place at the king's table. This unexpected grace mirrors what Todd describes as "grace dropping in" to our damaged lives. Just as Mephibosheth had been living in Lo-debar (literally "a place with no pasture"), many find themselves in spiritual, emotional, or relational wastelands - places where nothing grows and life feels desolate. The remarkable truth is that no matter how long we've been stuck in these barren places, the King is actively pursuing us. "God in all His God-ness has you in all your you-ness on His mind," Todd writes. This divine pursuit isn't motivated by our worthiness but by God's covenant love. The most significant aspect of David's promise to Mephibosheth was the invitation to eat regularly at the king's table. Similarly, Todd emphasizes that consistent presence with God is essential for healing. Through what he calls the "Thirsty Thirty" - ten minutes of Bible reading, ten minutes of prayer, and ten minutes of worship daily - we can "pull up a chair" to the King's table of grace. This regular exposure to God's presence gradually transforms our self-perception and replaces toxic thought patterns with truth. Grace creates what Todd calls a "ripple effect" that extends beyond individual healing to impact entire communities. Just as Zacchaeus's encounter with Jesus led him to repay those he had cheated, genuine experiences of grace naturally overflow into generosity toward others. More profoundly, grace often restores "generational blessings" - divine provisions intended for our family line that may have been blocked by disobedience or circumstances. When grace drops in, Todd encourages readers to say, "I'll take that" to the blessings God intended for their ancestors. What makes this grace so remarkable is its accessibility to those who feel least deserving. Like Mephibosheth, who called himself a "dead dog," many believe their damage disqualifies them from divine favor. Todd counters this lie with a profound truth: "God loves to drop His grace on people who don't think they deserve it." Our brokenness isn't a barrier to grace but an invitation to experience it more deeply.

Chapter 4: The Process of Healing: Five Essential Steps

Healing from damage isn't instantaneous but follows a discernible path that requires intentional engagement. Todd outlines five essential steps in this journey, beginning with remembering the hit - the point of pain, the site of the scar, the root of regret. This isn't merely recalling what happened but allowing ourselves to sit with the truth, to be present with the experience that created the wound. For Todd, this meant acknowledging how deeply he was hurt when, as a teenager, he wasn't allowed to play drums in "big church." The second step involves recognizing the hurt - admitting where we're in pain and saying "ouch." This vulnerability runs counter to cultural messages about toughness, especially for men. Todd confesses that as a fourth-grader, he learned to use his words as weapons against bullies who targeted his brother, but simultaneously closed "the vault of my vulnerability." The toxic message that "boys don't cry" led him to suppress emotions rather than express them. Yet unexpressed emotions turn to "dis-ease or disease," festering into depression, anxiety, or rage. Realizing the hindrance constitutes the third step - acknowledging how our damage obstructs our present and future. For Todd, this meant recognizing how his obsession with greatness robbed him of everyday joys and meaningful moments. He couldn't appreciate his own good work or accept progress as sufficient. His damage was silently sabotaging his relationships, ministry, and wellbeing. Like toilet paper stuck to a shoe, these hindrances are often obvious to everyone except ourselves. The fourth step requires resetting to humility - taking the low road rather than defending ourselves or our reputations. Todd points to Mephibosheth's response when accused of betraying King David. Rather than arguing his case, Mephibosheth simply says, "Do what you think is best" - trusting the king's judgment over his own need to be vindicated. Similarly, when Todd faced public backlash after a sermon illustration involving spit went viral, he chose humility over defensiveness, posting an apology and stepping away from social media. Finally, receiving God's healing completes the process. While the first four steps require our active participation, this fifth step acknowledges that "the heavy lifting of healing is on Him." Healing comes as a gift, sometimes dramatically but often gradually. Todd describes this as "sneaky deliverance" - noticing only in retrospect that we've been healed when we make different choices than we would have before. The Designer's work may happen so subtly that we recognize it only when we realize, "Something's changed... Oh, wait. It's me."

Chapter 5: Vulnerability as a Path to Restoration

Vulnerability emerges as the unexpected gateway to genuine restoration. Todd encapsulates this approach with his acronym H.U.S.H. - Hear from God, Understand progressively, Share intimately, and get to the Heart of the matter. This process begins with creating space for silence, allowing ourselves to listen rather than constantly speaking or distracting ourselves with activity. For someone like Todd who admits he's "always been loud," this silence initially felt "foreign, weird, pointless, dumb, awkward." Yet it was precisely in these uncomfortable quiet moments that Todd began to hear God's voice more clearly. This hearing leads to understanding, not all at once but progressively. As Todd notes, "You don't have to fully understand to fully engage in remembering the hit. Clear understanding happens over time and in stages." This gradual unfolding of insight contradicts our desire for immediate, complete comprehension. The third element - sharing intimately - proves particularly challenging for those who've learned to hide their damage. Todd describes how, sitting in a Cracker Barrel with his mentor Tim Ross, he faced a pivotal choice: "Hide or heal?" By choosing to share his story of rejection at thirteen, he began a back-and-forth dynamic where sharing led to deeper understanding, which enabled more sharing. This vulnerable exchange created space for others to reflect back what they heard, helping clarify his own perceptions. Through this process, Todd reached the heart of the matter - the core issues beneath surface behaviors. When the "spit incident" went viral and threatened his reputation, his H.U.S.H. practice revealed that he still cared too much about public opinion rather than being fully secure in his calling. Similarly, when facing his son's autism diagnosis, vulnerability allowed him to acknowledge his fears rather than hiding behind false faith declarations. Todd emphasizes that vulnerability isn't weakness but strength. Like Mephibosheth appearing before King David unwashed and unkempt - deliberately displaying his grief rather than pretending allegiance to Absalom - true vulnerability demonstrates where our loyalties lie. It's being willing to look foolish for the sake of authentic connection with God and others. "The greatest reward of bringing your damage to God isn't that He will heal you," Todd writes. "The greatest reward is getting to know your Designer."

Chapter 6: When the Designer Uses Your Damage

Our wounds and flaws, rather than disqualifying us from purpose, become the very material God uses to create something beautiful. Todd illustrates this principle by referencing high-end fashion brands like Balenciaga that sell intentionally damaged sneakers at premium prices. What gives these distressed shoes value isn't their pristine condition but the designer's name attached to them. Similarly, our value isn't diminished by our damage but enhanced when surrendered to the Master Designer. This counterintuitive truth appears throughout Scripture. Joseph tells his brothers, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good" (Genesis 50:20). Paul boasts about his weaknesses because they showcase Christ's power (2 Corinthians 12:9). Jesus himself bears eternal scars from his crucifixion, wounds that now testify to his victory and love. Our Designer doesn't waste material but transforms even our most painful experiences into something purposeful. Todd's own sexual abuse as a child represents one of his deepest wounds. Yet through receiving healing, this very trauma has enabled him to speak with compassion and authority to others carrying similar pain. His message that "it wasn't your fault" carries weight precisely because he has walked the path from victim to victor. Similarly, his struggles with pornography addiction have equipped him to guide others toward freedom with empathy rather than judgment. The damage becomes designer when we allow it to reflect its Maker. Like Venetian mirrors whose authenticity experts verify by examining their imperfections, our wounds can authenticate our testimony. Todd notes that "the damage is evidence of value" - proving we've lived through real experiences rather than offering theoretical platitudes. Our healing journey becomes what Todd calls "a visual aid" demonstrating God's restorative power to others still trapped in similar pain. This perspective transforms how we view our scars. Rather than hiding them in shame, we can see them as unique brushstrokes in the masterpiece God is creating. What matters isn't the damage itself but whose name is attached to it. "When Jesus claims you as His own, you wear His name," Todd writes. "You're designer, baby! Your value is tied up in the name you carry." Our wounds, when surrendered to the Designer, become windows through which His light shines most brilliantly.

Chapter 7: Transforming Pain into Purpose

The journey from damage to destiny represents the ultimate transformation of pain into purpose. Mephibosheth's story illustrates this metamorphosis - from a frightened, self-loathing man hiding in Lo-debar to someone confidently telling King David, "I am content just to have you safely back again." His priorities shifted from survival to relationship, from shame to gratitude. Similarly, Todd's transformation moved him from obsession with greatness to contentment with goodness, from perfectionism to progression. This transformation begins with acknowledging a profound truth: "The value is still in you." Like a dented can from the discount shelf that still contains perfectly good food, our external damage doesn't diminish our internal worth. Todd's mother Brenda exemplified this principle by purchasing dented cans and damaged packages from the grocery store - items others rejected - and transforming them into delicious meals. "In the Master's hands," Todd writes, "your bruises, breaks, and blemishes can become a blessing." The process of transformation often requires breaking generational cycles. Todd candidly shares how his struggle with pornography mirrored his father's battles with similar temptations decades earlier. When Todd finally disclosed his addiction, his father apologized, saying, "I should have dealt with this more aggressively and intentionally in myself so that you and your brothers wouldn't have to." This honest exchange highlighted a crucial truth: "What you don't transform will be transferred." Our healing isn't merely personal but impacts generations to come. Transformed people become agents of transformation for others. Todd describes this as moving from "hurt people hurt people" to "healed people heal people." Once we've experienced restoration, we naturally become carriers of grace who help others on their journey. Like the friends in Luke 5 who tore open a roof to lower their paralyzed friend to Jesus, we can create pathways for others to encounter healing. Todd notes that sometimes we're privileged to carry others, while at other times we need to be carried ourselves. The ultimate purpose of our transformed pain is to reveal God's glory. Our healed wounds become unique reflective surfaces - like facets of a diamond - that showcase different aspects of God's character. Every testimony of restoration reveals something about the Restorer. Every broken life made whole points to the Healer. As Todd reminds us, our damage may have been inflicted by others or ourselves, but its redemptive purpose belongs to God: "He didn't cause the rejection, but through the healing process, He turned my obsession with greatness into obedience and gratefulness."

Summary

Michael Todd's journey reveals a profound paradox at the heart of human experience: our greatest wounds can become our greatest purpose when we embrace vulnerability rather than hiding in shame. Through his raw honesty about personal struggles and his illuminating exposition of Mephibosheth's story, Todd demonstrates that healing begins not with having it all together, but with admitting we don't. The five-step process he outlines - remembering the hit, recognizing the hurt, realizing the hindrance, resetting to humility, and receiving God's healing - offers a practical pathway from brokenness to restoration. The most transformative insight from Todd's message is that our damage doesn't diminish our value but can actually authenticate it. Like designer clothing intentionally distressed or antique Venetian mirrors whose imperfections prove their worth, our scars can become the very things that verify our testimony. For anyone struggling with past trauma, present pain, or persistent shame, this perspective offers liberating hope. We don't need to pretend we're undamaged to be valuable; we simply need to place our broken pieces in the hands of the Designer who promises to make something beautiful from them. In a world obsessed with perfection, there may be no more revolutionary act than allowing ourselves to be seen in our vulnerability - damaged but never destroyed.

About Author

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Michael Todd

Michael Todd is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of RELATIONSHIP GOALS and the lead pastor of Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Michael's driving passion is re-presenting God to the lost and found for transformation in Christ. Michael speaks at a variety of influential churches, events, and conferences each year, including Elevation Church, C3 Conference, Lakewood Church, VOUS Conference, Relentless Church, XO Conference, and many others. Michael and his wife, Natalie, have been married since 2010 and live in Tulsa, Oklahoma, with their three beautiful children: Isabella, Michael Jr., and Ava.

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