
Do the Work
The Official Unrepentant, Ass-Kicking, No-Kidding, Change-Your-Life Sidekick to Unfu*k Yourself
Categories
Business, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Leadership, Productivity, Mental Health, Audiobook, Personal Development
Content Type
Book
Binding
Paperback
Year
0
Publisher
HarperOne
Language
English
ASIN
0062952234
ISBN
0062952234
ISBN13
9780062952233
File Download
PDF | EPUB
Do the Work Plot Summary
Introduction
Life is full of challenges that can sometimes leave us feeling defeated, stuck, or powerless. We find ourselves trapped in cycles of negative self-talk, complicated relationships, and a vague sense that we're not living our true purpose. These internal struggles often prevent us from taking the bold actions needed to create meaningful change. The voice inside your head might be telling you that you're not good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough to pursue the life you truly desire. But what if that voice isn't telling the truth? What if you already possess all the power needed to transform your life? The journey to reclaiming your inner strength begins with confronting those limiting beliefs and recognizing that you are not defined by your thoughts—you are defined by your actions. By learning to silence your inner saboteur, mastering your self-talk, rebuilding meaningful connections, and committing to purposeful action, you can break free from old patterns and step into a life of authenticity, strength and fulfillment.
Chapter 1: Confront Your Inner Saboteur
Our inner saboteur manifests as that persistent voice that tells us we're "too much" of something negative or "not enough" of something positive. This voice shapes our reality by convincing us to organize our entire lives around these perceived flaws—we avoid situations that might trigger our insecurities, we make excuses for our behavior, and we tolerate patterns that keep us stuck. Gary shares the story of a client who constantly avoided phone calls due to social anxiety. What began as occasional avoidance grew into complete isolation. The client would let calls go to voicemail, stick to text messages, and sometimes simply disappear from social interactions altogether. This pattern extended beyond just phone calls—it affected their ability to form relationships, pursue career opportunities, and fully engage with life. The seemingly innocent act of avoiding calls was actually a manifestation of a deeper belief: "I'm not confident enough to handle this." Through Gary's guidance, this client began to recognize that they were tolerating these limitations rather than challenging them. The key insight came when they realized they were more interested in perpetuating the story of why they couldn't change rather than actually changing. The client had become so invested in their identity as someone who "lacks confidence" that it became a comfortable excuse to avoid growth. The transformation began when the client stopped trying to become confident and instead started doing confident actions right away. They identified specific behaviors that would demonstrate confidence—answering calls immediately, initiating conversations, and expressing opinions openly—and committed to practicing these actions despite the discomfort. The focus shifted from thinking about confidence to embodying it through action. To begin confronting your own inner saboteur, first identify what you're tolerating about yourself. Make a list of the ways you feel "too much" or "not enough." Examine how these beliefs manifest in your behavior and how they limit your life. Next, select one area that would make the biggest difference if changed. Instead of focusing on changing how you feel, commit to changing what you do. Create a specific promise to yourself with concrete actions and clear consequences. Remember that self-sabotage is predictable. Anticipate the thoughts and behaviors that typically derail your progress, and prepare specific responses to interrupt these patterns. The key is not to avoid negative thoughts but to change how you respond to them when they arise.
Chapter 2: Master Your Self-Talk
Self-talk is the ongoing conversation you have with yourself that shapes your perception of reality. This internal dialogue can either empower you to take meaningful action or trap you in cycles of fear, doubt, and inaction. The quality of your life directly correlates with the quality of this conversation, making it essential to recognize and redirect negative patterns. Gary describes working with Emma, a talented writer who constantly undermined herself with destructive self-talk. Whenever she sat down to work on her novel, her mind would flood with thoughts like "This is terrible," "Who would want to read this?", and "Real writers don't struggle this much." Despite her passion and skill, Emma had been stuck on the same three chapters for years, convinced that her writing wasn't good enough to continue. Her self-talk had created a reality where finishing her book seemed impossible. During their sessions, Gary helped Emma recognize that she wasn't actually evaluating her writing objectively—she was allowing her inner critic to define her abilities and potential. The breakthrough came when Emma realized that her thoughts weren't facts but merely habitual patterns of thinking. She began to separate herself from her thoughts by saying, "I notice I'm having the thought that my writing is terrible" rather than accepting "My writing is terrible" as truth. To transform your self-talk, start by becoming aware of your most common negative thoughts. Write them down without judgment, simply observing the patterns. Then challenge each thought by asking: "Is this absolutely true?" and "What evidence contradicts this belief?" Replace destructive thoughts with assertive language that empowers action rather than analysis paralysis. Practice speaking to yourself with the same compassion and encouragement you would offer a good friend. When negative thoughts arise, acknowledge them without attaching to them, saying, "I am not my thoughts; I am what I do." Then immediately take a small action that contradicts the negative belief. The most powerful transformation happens when you shift from passive self-talk ("I hope I can do this") to assertive declarations ("I am willing," "I got this," "I am relentless"). These assertions bypass your internal resistance and create a direct pathway to action.
Chapter 3: Rebuild Meaningful Relationships
Our relationships significantly impact our quality of life, yet many of us tolerate dead or dysfunctional connections rather than taking steps to revitalize them. Whether it's unresolved conflict with family members, growing distance with friends, or the quiet resentment that builds in romantic partnerships, these relationship patterns drain our energy and limit our potential. Gary shares the story of his own relationship with his mother. For years, he quietly blamed her for how his life had turned out, creating emotional distance between them. His punishment, though unconscious at the time, was to reveal himself to her in very small doses, becoming a resentful, angry, and disconnected son. He had spent so much time focusing on what he thought his mother should have done differently that he completely lost sight of what she had actually given him—life itself and his shot at being alive. The transformation came during a moment of clarity while watching his son play soccer. Imagining it was his last night on Earth, Gary suddenly experienced profound gratitude for his life. He said aloud, "Thank you for this, Mum. Thank you for all of this." After doing significant inner work, he was able to truly accept his mother as she was and love her unconditionally, not just the easy parts of her personality. To rebuild your own relationships, begin with acceptance—allowing others to be who they are without the need to change them. Identify what you've been unwilling to accept about someone important in your life and recognize how this lack of acceptance has impacted both of you. Ask yourself what viewpoint or "truth" you need to release to fully accept this person. Next, practice forgiveness, understanding that it doesn't mean condoning hurtful behavior but rather freeing yourself from the burden of resentment. Forgiveness has nothing to do with letting people off the hook—it's about recognizing their humanity and relating to them as something more than your story about them. Finally, have the courage to show up differently in your relationships. This might mean being more vulnerable, setting healthier boundaries, or expressing appreciation more openly. Make specific promises about how you'll behave in challenging situations, and hold yourself accountable to these commitments even when it feels uncomfortable.
Chapter 4: Create Purpose Through Action
Many people believe they need to "find their purpose" as if it's something hidden out there in the world waiting to be discovered. This approach leaves us in a perpetual state of searching rather than living, creating anxiety rather than fulfillment. The truth is that purpose isn't something you find—it's something you create through intentional action. Gary tells the story of his wife, who managed their household and children's activities while he traveled for work. She handled everything from bills and laundry to shuttling their son to football, tae kwon do, school events, and more—all while caring for their newborn. Amazed by her grace under pressure, Gary asked for her secret. She showed him her calendar app, where beneath each appointment for their son's activities, she had written in capital letters: "CREATING A MAN." This simple but powerful purpose statement transformed mundane tasks into meaningful contributions to something greater than herself. The insight here is profound—his wife hadn't received her purpose as a divine gift from the universe. She had created it herself as a foundation for everything she did. This self-generated purpose gave her the energy and clarity to navigate daily challenges with intention rather than resentment. To create your own sense of purpose, first identify areas of your life that feel lacking in direction or fulfillment. Choose one area to focus on, and ask yourself: "What could I make this area of my life be about?" Make your purpose statement action-oriented and focused on contributing to something beyond yourself, as self-centered purposes tend to lose their motivating power quickly. Once you've created a purpose statement, identify specific actions that would demonstrate this purpose in daily life. Consider how living this purpose might transform other areas of your life as well. Anticipate potential roadblocks—those typical behaviors that might derail your commitment—and plan alternative responses that align with your purpose. Remember that living with purpose doesn't necessarily mean changing your external circumstances. It means bringing intention and meaning to whatever you're already doing, transforming ordinary moments into opportunities for growth and contribution.
Chapter 5: Commit to Relentless Change
Relentlessness is what separates those who create lasting change from those who repeatedly start and stop. It's the quality that carries you forward when motivation fades, obstacles arise, and your initial enthusiasm disappears. Being relentless means continuing to take action even when you don't feel like it, especially when you don't feel like it. Gary describes working with Michael, a client who had tried dozens of diets and exercise programs over the years. Each time, Michael would start with incredible enthusiasm, investing in equipment, telling everyone about his new plan, and making dramatic changes overnight. But within weeks, sometimes days, his motivation would evaporate, and he'd abandon the program completely. This cycle had repeated for twenty years, leaving Michael demoralized and convinced he simply lacked willpower. Through their work together, Michael realized that his approach was fundamentally flawed. He was relying on motivation and excitement rather than commitment and consistency. The breakthrough came when Michael stopped waiting to "feel like" exercising and instead made a simple promise: he would put on his running shoes every morning no matter what. Some days he'd only walk to the mailbox and back. Other days he'd run for miles. But he never broke the promise to put on those shoes. To develop your own relentlessness, start by becoming aware of where you've "flatlined" in life—those areas where you're comfortable but not growing. Identify the specific ways you stay within your comfort zone, and consider what operating outside that zone would look like. Make concrete promises with specific actions and consequences, not vague intentions. Understand that relentlessness isn't about perfection—it's about persistence. When you inevitably encounter setbacks or fall short of your expectations, don't use these moments as evidence that you can't change. Instead, view them as opportunities to practice getting back up immediately and continuing forward. Develop the habit of taking action before you feel ready or confident. Make promises that stretch beyond what you think you can do, and then turn your life inside out to keep them. This approach will be uncomfortable at times, but it builds the mental muscle necessary for lasting transformation.
Chapter 6: Embrace Uncertainty
Human beings crave certainty, yet life is inherently uncertain. We postpone action until we feel sure of the outcome, waiting for perfect conditions that never arrive. This addiction to certainty keeps us trapped in familiar patterns even when they no longer serve us. Embracing uncertainty means taking action despite not knowing how things will turn out. Gary tells the story of Erik Weihenmayer, a blind man who made the profound promise to climb Mount Everest. Rather than focusing on all the reasons why this seemed impossible, Erik forced himself to deal with whatever obstacles arose along the way. He didn't wait until he felt certain he could succeed—he committed to the goal and then figured out solutions as he went. The most powerful aspect of Erik's story isn't just that he reached the summit of Everest, but that he refused to let uncertainty stop him from trying. He accepted that failure was possible but committed to the journey anyway. This willingness to step into the unknown is what separates those who transform their lives from those who merely wish for change. To embrace uncertainty in your own life, start by identifying a dream or aspiration you've been suppressing—something that excites you but also terrifies you because of its unknowns. Instead of focusing on all the reasons it might not work, ask yourself: "What if it could work? What would my first step be?" Break down your dream into small, manageable actions that feel less overwhelming. Each small step builds momentum and confidence for the next. Remember that certainty only comes through action—you discover the path by walking it, not by thinking about walking it. Practice saying "I don't know, but I'm going to find out" when faced with uncertainties. This simple phrase acknowledges reality while maintaining your commitment to move forward. Each time you take action despite uncertainty, you strengthen your tolerance for discomfort and expand your capacity for growth. The key insight is that everyone feels uncertainty—successful people just don't let it stop them. They've learned to coexist with the discomfort of not knowing and take action anyway.
Summary
Throughout this journey, we've explored the transformative power of confronting your inner saboteur, mastering your self-talk, rebuilding relationships, creating purpose, committing to relentless change, and embracing uncertainty. These principles work together to create lasting transformation when applied with consistency and courage. As Gary John Bishop powerfully states, "You are not defined by what's inside your head. You are what you do. Your actions." Your next step is simple but profound: choose one area of your life where you feel stuck, and take immediate action today—not when you feel ready, not when circumstances are perfect, but right now. Remember that transformation isn't about finding yourself, but creating yourself through deliberate choices and consistent action. The person you become tomorrow depends entirely on what you choose to do today.
Best Quote
Review Summary
Strengths: The audiobook's narration was found to be very amusing and engaging, with the reviewer expressing a preference for the narrator over the author. The book's message about personal responsibility and acceptance of one's life circumstances was appreciated and resonated with the reviewer. Weaknesses: The reviewer noted a lack of solutions for individuals in dire situations, such as those facing systemic and cultural barriers, which they found frustrating. Additionally, the book's short duration was mentioned, suggesting it might not provide comprehensive coverage of its themes. Overall Sentiment: Mixed. While the reviewer enjoyed the narration and agreed with the book's core message, they were critical of its lack of practical solutions for those in challenging situations. Key Takeaway: The book emphasizes personal responsibility and the acceptance of life circumstances, but it may fall short in addressing the needs of individuals facing systemic challenges and providing actionable solutions for them.
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Do the Work
By Gary John Bishop