Don't Overthink It

Don't Overthink It Plot Summary

Introduction

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of repetitive, unhelpful thoughts? Perhaps you've spent hours agonizing over a decision, replaying a conversation in your mind, or worrying about something that might never happen. This mental spin cycle—overthinking—can consume vast amounts of your time and energy, leaving you feeling exhausted and no closer to resolution. Overthinking affects us all, but it doesn't have to control our lives. The good news is that with practical strategies and consistent effort, we can break free from these mental loops. Throughout these pages, you'll discover how to recognize when you're overthinking, implement specific techniques to interrupt unhelpful thought patterns, and create systems that prevent overthinking before it starts. By making small shifts in how you approach decisions and thoughts, you'll reclaim your mental space and transform your relationship with your own mind.

Chapter 1: Recognize Your Overthinking Patterns

Overthinking manifests in various forms, but at its core, it involves spending excessive mental energy on issues that don't deserve it. It's those moments when you can't seem to think about anything else, even though you know your thoughts would be better spent elsewhere. Whether it appears as worry about the future, rumination about the past, or analysis paralysis when facing decisions, overthinking keeps us mentally stuck while accomplishing nothing. Anne's personal experience illustrates this perfectly. When preparing for a trip to Nashville, she found herself obsessively checking weather forecasts, fearing potential storms on her drive. "I can see it's not helping; it's actually making things worse. Yet I keep doing it," she writes. Despite having more important tasks to complete before her departure, she couldn't stop refreshing the forecast, hoping for a different outcome. This pattern—lots of mental action with no constructive result—is classic overthinking. Research shows that overthinking disproportionately affects women. Studies from the Amen Clinics reveal that women's brains are significantly more active in many areas, particularly the prefrontal cortex (involved with focus and impulse control) and the limbic areas (involved with mood and anxiety). This neurological difference may explain why women are more likely to ruminate, overanalyze, and become paralyzed by indecision. The consequences of overthinking extend far beyond wasted time. Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, whose research spanned twenty years, found that overthinking makes life harder, hurts relationships, and may contribute to mental disorders like depression, severe anxiety, and alcohol abuse. Mental energy is a limited resource, and how we choose to spend it matters tremendously. As Annie Dillard writes, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." To begin breaking free from overthinking, you must first recognize when you're doing it. Pay attention to when your thoughts become repetitive, unhealthy, and unhelpful. Notice if you're spending excessive time worrying about things beyond your control, fretting about small stuff, or second-guessing yourself. Awareness is the crucial first step toward change. Once you can identify your overthinking patterns, you can begin to implement strategies to interrupt them and redirect your mental energy toward more productive channels. Remember, you are not doomed to a life of overthinking. With practice and patience, you can learn to manage your thoughts rather than letting them manage you.

Chapter 2: Build a Framework for Decisive Action

At the heart of overcoming overthinking lies a fundamental truth: you must believe change is possible. Many people assume overthinking is simply part of their personality—"I was born this way, it's just how I am"—but this mindset makes transformation impossible. When we assume we can't change, we guarantee we won't. The author shares how her own journey began after a traumatic experience following 9/11. While receiving medical treatment for panic attacks, her doctor made an offhand comment that changed her life: "Your thoughts can be the enemy, or you can make them your ally." This insight sparked her exploration into how much control we actually have over our thought patterns. She discovered that while perfect control isn't possible, we have far more influence over our thoughts than most of us realize. Consider this analogy: learning to manage your thought life is similar to learning to drive. A driver needs basic practices to operate their vehicle safely: checking mirrors, using turn signals, and maintaining the car. But they also need to know how to respond to unexpected situations—swerving around obstacles or handling emergencies. Similarly, managing overthinking requires both preventative habits and responsive strategies for when your thoughts begin to spiral. The process of change begins with how you describe yourself. Instead of identifying as "a chronic overthinker," start thinking of yourself as someone who "is learning to filter out unhelpful thoughts" or "is becoming equipped to stop overthinking in its tracks." This shift in identity creates space for new behaviors to emerge. As the author notes, "'I'm the kind of person who \_\_\_\_\_' is a powerful statement, no matter what goes in that blank." To build your framework for decisive action, start with small steps. Research shows that doing something small toward solving a problem often serves as a foot-in-the-door technique. That initial effort makes it easier to take the next step, and the next. Small victories accumulate until you begin to see the end of the problem and how to get there. For example, when a friend was overwhelmed by school options for her children, she was paralyzed by research and possibilities. The author suggested she take just one small step—scheduling a school tour. This simple action broke the cycle of overthinking and created momentum toward a solution. Remember that getting caught in overthinking is a vicious cycle, but extracting yourself creates a virtuous one. As Dr. Henry Emmons explains, "If we can stop reinforcing these [negative] patterns by repeated thought, they will gradually weaken. And soon we are able to create new, healthier neural circuits to take the place of the old ones."

Chapter 3: Create Mental Space Through Daily Habits

Our physical environment and daily routines profoundly impact our tendency to overthink. While we often consider overthinking as something happening solely in our heads, its causes and evidence appear in our to-do lists, our laundry piles, and our habits—both mental and physical. Creating mental space begins with establishing habits that serve us rather than sabotage us. The author illustrates this through a personal story about misplacing important immunization certificates her children needed for school. Despite obtaining the documents well in advance, she postponed properly filing them, thinking they could "wait." When she finally needed them days before school started, she couldn't find them anywhere. This triggered a frantic late-night search and a spiral of catastrophic thinking: "I was quickly spiraling from 'my paperwork is a mess right now' to 'my whole life is a mess.'" This scenario demonstrates how postponing simple tasks creates unnecessary complexity and consumes mental bandwidth. When we neglect basic responsibilities, we set ourselves up for future overthinking. As Sarah Bessey wisely notes, "Being a responsible adult is the most underrated form of self-care." One powerful habit for creating mental space is what the author calls "completing the cycle." This means finishing what you start in a timely manner rather than leaving tasks partially done. When cycles remain open, they consume mental energy and occupy brain space as "jobs in progress." Our brains get anxious when too many cycles remain open because maintaining them requires energy. Completing the cycle might look like sorting mail immediately upon bringing it inside, putting dishes directly into the dishwasher rather than on the counter, or filing important papers before they get buried on your desk. These small actions prevent the accumulation of mental clutter that feeds overthinking. Physical clutter also contributes significantly to mental overload. When our spaces are disorganized, our brains must work harder to process information and make decisions. As organizing expert Susan Pinsky says, "The straightest path to efficiency is reduction." By streamlining your physical environment, you streamline your thought processes as well. Equally important is caring for your physical body. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk emphasizes that "breathing, eating, sleeping, pooping, and peeing are so fundamental that their significance is easily neglected when we're considering the complexities of mind and behavior." Yet these basic functions profoundly affect our brain's ability to function optimally. An overtired or poorly nourished brain is more susceptible to overthinking. Finally, incorporate regular breaks throughout your day. Mental fatigue makes us vulnerable to overthinking, so give yourself restorative pauses—not "fake breaks" like checking email, but genuine respites that refresh your mind. Take a short walk, read a chapter of a novel, or simply sit quietly for a few minutes. By implementing these foundational habits, you create a solid platform from which to manage your thought life. You'll prevent many instances of overthinking before they even begin.

Chapter 4: Harness Your Values to Guide Decisions

When we lack a coherent framework for decision-making, we're prone to overthinking every choice we face. However, by identifying and consciously living out our core values, we can streamline decisions and reduce mental angst. Values provide a reliable compass that helps us navigate life's countless choices, both big and small. The author illustrates this through her friend Ally's story. Despite typically being a deliberate decision-maker, Ally immediately agreed to a thirty-hour flight to Thailand for just four days on the ground. What made this uncharacteristically quick decision possible? Ally explained that her choices flow naturally from her core values. Having escaped an abusive marriage with help from strong support networks, she now springs into action whenever she has an opportunity to serve women who have been exploited or abused. This single, overarching value guides her decisions without requiring extensive deliberation each time. Our values can clarify our objectives in multiple ways. When the author and her husband were struggling to choose between two good schooling options for their child, a retired teacher friend offered perspective. This friend always gives preference to options closer to home because she values being rooted in her neighborhood. Recognizing they shared this value of community, the author's family choice suddenly became clearer. Values also influence how we allocate our resources. The author and her husband discovered they value "showing up" for people they care about. This realization has made numerous decisions easier over the years. They travel to weddings without endlessly debating if the trip is "worth it." They buy plane tickets for inconvenient family reunions because "there's nothing like being there." As they succinctly put it: "If you care, you'll be there." Additionally, our values shape where we focus our attention and energy. If you value being an informed citizen, you might read community newsletters, chat with neighbors about local happenings, or subscribe to a trusted newspaper. If you value being a present parent, you might read books about relationships or set aside dedicated family time. To ensure your values align with your actual life, "fact-check" yourself by asking, "What does my behavior indicate I value?" The author's uncle provides a powerful example. As a physician who smoked, he considered himself healthy "except for this one habit." His perspective changed instantly when his nurse mentioned she could hear his cough down the hall. Realizing his behavior contradicted his self-image as a healthy person, he quit smoking immediately. When identifying your values, examine where you currently spend your time, money, energy, and attention. Consider what kind of person you want to be and what causes you care about. Reflect on moments when you've felt happy, proud, or fulfilled and explore why those experiences were meaningful. With thoughtfulness and practice, you can develop consistent filters for making decisions. When faced with choices, ask yourself, "Do I hold a value that can inform this decision?" When the answer is yes—and it often is—the decision becomes significantly easier.

Chapter 5: Redirect Your Thoughts Toward Positivity

Our thoughts directly influence our feelings and actions. What we choose to focus on shapes not only our inner experience but also our quality of life. As Winifred Gallagher writes in her book Rapt, "Your life is the creation of what you focus on—and what you don't." The author illustrates this principle through a personal story about weight loss. When she and a high school friend both lost ten pounds during the same semester, they had vastly different experiences despite similar actions. One focused on outward appearances while the other concentrated on getting in shape. One became cranky and critical through the process, while the other grew calm and confident. Their thoughts—not just their actions—determined their experiences. When our thoughts become stuck in negative patterns, we experience rumination—a specific type of overthinking where we repeatedly chew on problems without seeking solutions. Like a cow rechewing food, we process the same thoughts over and over, generating worry and anxiety out of proportion to the matter at hand. This mental habit damages both our ability to think clearly and our general sense of well-being. To redirect your thoughts toward positivity, start by paying attention to what you're thinking about. Notice where you habitually direct your focus and how you talk to yourself. The author shares how, when struggling with difficult writing, she reminds herself of a line from Wallace Stegner: "Hard writing makes easy reading." This simple mantra helps her maintain perspective and get back to work instead of wasting mental energy on how difficult the process feels. Another powerful strategy is actively looking for the good. Marriage researcher John Gottman emphasizes the importance of noticing and sharing what we appreciate about others. Unless we're actively seeking the positive, it might escape our conscious awareness. A regular gratitude practice works wonders for overthinking because it automatically directs attention to the good stuff instead of what's lacking. When negative interpretations arise, challenge yourself to consider different perspectives. Ask, "What would I tell my best friend if she were in this situation?" or "What would I consider to be good here, if I considered this to be good?" These questions create distance from your visceral experience and help you find alternative interpretations. For unwanted intrusive thoughts that pop up, try the author's yoga-instructor friend's technique: visualize brushing them away like lint off a sweater, telling them "not now." This simple action acknowledges the thought without engaging it, allowing you to refocus on what matters. If certain thoughts persistently trouble you, try scheduling specific "worry time." Research shows that setting aside fifteen minutes daily for concentrated overthinking can free the remaining hours from intrusive thoughts. Your brain learns it will have dedicated time to process concerns, so it doesn't need to nag you constantly. Physical movement provides another effective way to redirect thoughts. Even a brief walk or a few jumping jacks can change your mental state by pumping blood to the brain, boosting energy levels, and reducing stress. As Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema found, just eight minutes of positive distraction can significantly lift mood and break cycles of repetitive thought. While you can't perfectly control what your mind dwells on, you have considerable freedom to choose your thoughts—and that control strengthens with practice as you establish new mental habits and neural pathways.

Chapter 6: Establish Routines That Free Your Mind

Each decision we make throughout the day consumes mental energy. From choosing breakfast to selecting a route to work, these small choices add up, eventually leading to decision fatigue—a state where our ability to choose wisely breaks down. By establishing smart routines, we can preserve our mental bandwidth for the decisions that truly matter. The author illustrates this through her experience at a morning barre class. When the instructor offered students the option to leave five minutes early, this seemingly helpful suggestion actually created mental turmoil. "Should I or shouldn't I?" the author wondered, finding herself distracted by a choice where none had existed before. Eventually, she realized: "Don't overthink it, Anne. You already decided to be here. So be here." This insight reveals how eliminating unnecessary decisions preserves mental clarity. Routines serve us by clearing away mental clutter. Mason Currey, who studied the habits of 243 renowned artists, notes that "A solid routine fosters a well-worn groove for one's mental energies and helps stave off the tyranny of moods." Contrary to what some might fear, routines don't handcuff us—they create freedom by reducing the mental load of constant decision-making. One powerful strategy is streamlining food decisions. Many high performers eat essentially the same meals every day to preserve mental energy for more important matters. The author shares how she initially found this concept strange but eventually adopted it herself: "Ninety percent of my days, breakfast and lunch look the same, day in and day out." If identical meals seem too extreme, consider a meal matrix that narrows options while maintaining some variety. Another approach is adopting a "signature dish" for entertaining. The author's friend Lisa, a born hostess, always serves the same menu for fancy dinners: beef tenderloin, Caesar salad, twice-baked Boursin cheese potatoes, and dessert from a local bakery. This consistency allows her to focus on her guests rather than stressing about food. Similarly, a consistent wardrobe can eliminate daily decision-making. Former President Obama famously wore only gray or blue suits while in office, explaining, "I'm trying to pare down decisions. I don't want to make decisions about what I'm eating or wearing. Because I have too many other decisions to make." Even fashion industry professionals like Grace Coddington, Vogue's creative director for twenty-five years, embraced wearing only black, saying, "I don't want to think about what I'm wearing in the morning; I want to put all of my focus on the clothes I'm shooting." For infrequent decisions that could consume disproportionate mental energy, try limiting yourself to just one source. When overwhelmed by bedding options, the author asked her interior-decorator friend to recommend just one store. With drastically reduced options, the decision took minutes instead of hours. Technology management is another crucial area for limiting decisions. Our devices constantly demand our attention, forcing us to repeatedly decide whether to check notifications or respond to messages. Consider implementing device-free zones or times to eliminate these recurring choices. Remember that these strategies aren't meant to be a checklist—you don't need to implement them all. The goal is to identify areas where streamlining would benefit you most. As choreographer Twyla Tharp notes, these "automatic but decisive patterns of behavior" make it easier to accomplish important things by giving you less to think about. By taking control of recurring decisions, you take control of your headspace and free your mind for the things that truly matter.

Chapter 7: Embrace Imperfection and Move Forward

Perfectionism and overthinking are intimate companions. When we demand flawless outcomes from ourselves, we often freeze in indecision or waste precious time second-guessing choices we've already made. Learning to embrace imperfection liberates us to take action and move forward with confidence. The author illustrates this through a story about a dinner party gone sideways. After a particularly demanding week, she was preparing vegetarian tacos for guests when she discovered she'd spent thirty minutes microwaving a melon instead of the spaghetti squash the recipe required. "I am such an idiot," she told her husband. "I can't believe I did something so stupid." Her husband wisely responded, "Getting all cranky is just going to make you feel bad. You don't need to dwell on this." Rather than berating herself further, she accepted the mistake and focused on solutions. She made a quick grocery run, adjusted her plans, and ultimately hosted a lovely evening. Later, the mishap even provided a humorous story to share with their guests. This experience demonstrates how embracing imperfection allows us to move forward rather than remaining stuck in self-criticism. When we're caught in analysis paralysis, the most effective strategy is often to simply take action. The author shares how her friend, who frequently finds great places to eat while traveling, revealed her secret: "The worst that can happen isn't that bad. So I just pick something." Making a choice—any choice—is usually better than remaining paralyzed by indecision. Another powerful approach is adopting an experimental mindset. The author describes how for years, her family debated whether to break their eleven-hour beach drive into two days instead of powering through in one exhausting stretch. They overthought this decision annually until finally, they decided to "try it and see what happens." By framing it as an experiment rather than a permanent commitment, they removed the pressure of getting it "right" and discovered they actually preferred the two-day approach. Building margin into your life creates space for both unexpected challenges and spontaneous opportunities. When operating at 100% capacity, we can't deviate from our plans without causing stress. The author shares how her mother's advice to "do your homework early so that if you wanted to play with a friend, you'd be able to" remains relevant in adulthood. By completing essential tasks ahead of schedule, we create flexibility to respond to life's surprises. Rituals also play a crucial role in freeing us from overthinking. Unlike routines done merely for expediency, rituals are performed with a higher purpose in mind. The author describes how transforming morning coffee into a mindful ritual—paying attention to the aroma, the sound of brewing, the warmth of the mug—creates a moment of presence that sets a positive tone for the day. Rituals unite the rhythm of routine with focused attention, making it difficult to overthink when we're fully engaged in the present moment. Finally, allow yourself small pleasures without excessive deliberation. The author confesses to repeatedly talking herself out of buying flowers at the grocery store, despite knowing they bring her joy. "I waste precious minutes debating the inconsequential, talking myself out of things I know will bring me joy," she writes. By creating a personal rule to buy flowers every time without debate, she eliminated unnecessary mental gymnastics and increased her happiness. Remember, as Wendell Berry writes, "Small destructions add up—but so do acts of renewal." Each time you choose action over analysis, embrace imperfection, or allow yourself simple joy, you create ripples that extend far beyond that single moment.

Summary

Throughout these pages, we've explored the many dimensions of overthinking and discovered practical strategies to break free from its grip. From recognizing our patterns and building a framework for decisive action to creating mental space and establishing routines, we've seen how small shifts in our approach can yield profound results. As Winifred Gallagher reminds us, "Your life is the creation of what you focus on—and what you don't." This truth underscores everything we've discussed. The journey to overcome overthinking isn't about achieving perfection—it's about progress. As you implement these strategies, remember that change takes time and practice. Start with one small step today: perhaps paying attention to your thought patterns, completing a nagging task, or establishing a simple ritual that grounds you. By choosing where to direct your attention and taking action despite uncertainty, you reclaim control of your mental landscape and create space for what truly matters. As the author beautifully puts it: "May you put overthinking aside and cultivate a thought life that brings you peace and joy. May you be good to yourself and a force for good in the world. May you be able to live fresh, solid, and free."

About Author

Loading...

Anne Bogel

Anne Bogel is an author, the creator of the blog Modern Mrs Darcy, and host of Modern Mrs Darcy Book Club and What Should I Read Next? podcast.She is the author of My Reading Life: A Book Journal, My Reading Adventures: A Book Journal for Kids, Don’t Overthink It: Make Easier Decisions, Stop Second-Guessing, and Bring More Joy to Your Life, I’d Rather Be Reading: The Delights and Dilemmas of the Reading Life, and Reading People: How Seeing the World Through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything. Anne lives in Louisville, Kentucky, with her husband, four children, and a yellow lab named Daisy.

Read more