Exceptional

Exceptional Plot Summary

Introduction

Rebecca was nineteen years old and couldn't find her way around the block. As neurologist Oliver Sacks described, she might spend an hour jamming her hand into the wrong glove when getting dressed, and couldn't unlock the front door on her own. Her grandmother, who had raised her from age three, said Rebecca was "just like a child" in many ways. Having felt that others focused only on her limitations, Rebecca had become painfully shy and withdrawn. When Sacks first encountered Rebecca, he saw her limitations clearly. But one day, he spotted her sitting on a park bench, gazing at spring foliage with obvious delight. "Her posture had none of the clumsiness which had so impressed me before," Sacks wrote. When Rebecca noticed him, she smiled broadly and spoke poetic words about seasons and renewal. Clinical tests had only measured her insufficiencies, but outside the clinic, Rebecca revealed remarkable strengths—she danced with grace, formed deep attachments, and responded beautifully to poetry. The traditional approach had driven her "full-tilt upon her limitations," but when Rebecca joined a theater group instead of remedial classes, she thrived. Like Rebecca, we all have unique gifts waiting to be discovered beneath our perceived limitations. This journey begins when we shift our focus from what's wrong to what's exceptionally right about us.

Chapter 1: The Science of Seeing Your Best Self

Dave Maher, a bearded comedian in his mid-thirties, had pushed his body to the limits with hard living. As a type 1 diabetic who had sold his test strips to buy marijuana, Dave's blood sugar skyrocketed, his kidneys failed, and his body shut down. He fell into a coma that lasted a month. His friends, believing he would soon be taken off life support, posted about a hundred digital eulogies on his Facebook page. Two weeks later, on Thanksgiving Day, a post appeared from Dave's account: "This is Dave Maher. Spoiler alert: I'm here." His parents had transferred him to another hospital where he had unexpectedly awakened. That night, Dave settled in with his laptop and began reading all those eulogies his friends had written. "So many of these things I didn't even remember. I don't remember things that way," Dave said, his voice breaking with emotion. The stories revealed a side of himself he hadn't recognized – someone who was loyal and supportive to friends, someone who came through for people in his life. For much of his existence, Dave had thought of himself as insensitive and self-centered, but the stories painted a very different picture. How strange that we often don't know what makes us special until we hear it from others. Dave got to experience his own eulogy – a rare opportunity that transformed how he saw himself. After his recovery, Dave's life changed dramatically: "I am sober; fully recovered physically; in a healthy, adult relationship with a woman I love; and a more responsible person and productive comedian than ever before. By all accounts, I'm thriving." Science shows that when we focus on our strengths rather than our weaknesses, we build confidence and resilience. In research conducted with hundreds of participants, those who reflected on their personal "highlight reels" – stories of times when they were at their best – demonstrated 32% better retention in jobs, made fewer mistakes, and showed greater stamina for difficult tasks. This happens because positive emotions release neurochemicals like dopamine that not only feel good but also expand our cognitive abilities and problem-solving skills. The beauty of personal highlight reels is they help us create self-fulfilling prophecies of success. Just as elite athletes visualize their performances before competitions, we can train our brains to access our exceptional qualities more frequently. When we vividly recall our peak experiences, we strengthen the neural pathways that make those behaviors more accessible in the future. This isn't merely positive thinking – it's rewiring our brains to make our best self our default self.

Chapter 2: Breaking Through the Eulogy Delay

Alfred Nobel, the inventor of dynamite, had an unusual opportunity to read his own obituary. When his brother Ludvig died, a French newspaper mistakenly published Alfred's obituary instead, describing him as a "merchant of war" who had grown wealthy from deadly inventions. Deeply affected by this preview of his legacy, Nobel became determined to change how he would be remembered. He devoted his fortune to establishing the Nobel Prizes, transforming his life's work from destruction to recognition of human achievement. What drove this dramatic change in Nobel's priorities? He experienced what I call "the eulogy delay" – our cultural resistance to appreciating people's unique strengths until after they've passed away. Most of us don't tell others what we appreciate about them, and we don't ask what they value in us. The eulogy delay makes it feel socially unacceptable to call attention to positive qualities in ourselves and others while we're alive. Ron, a journalism student at the University of Michigan, encountered this resistance when assigned to collect stories about himself at his best from family and friends. "I'm not sure I can ask my parents and my Detroit high school buddies to rave about me. They'll think I lost it," he told his girlfriend. But when Ron finally gathered his courage and reached out, he was astonished by the responses. "I was in utter shock. I had no idea that my friends and family felt so passionately for me," he said. "I was completely bawling." His father's story particularly moved him: "My dad isn't around that much, and he is not an emotional man whatsoever. He wrote me a fairly long story detailing my quest for knowledge and my ability to understand others. I truly never knew my dad felt this way about me, because he has never told me in person." The second hidden force that holds us back is "transience aversion" – our resistance to thinking about our mortality. Most people try to keep the truth of their limited time far from their minds. We live as if death is optional, a far-off concept. This avoidance leads many to experience what psychologists call "existential regret" – the sense of having abandoned our potential and lived inauthentically. Breaking through these two forces – the eulogy delay and transience aversion – creates a powerful shift in perspective. We become more purposeful about using our gifts and strengthening our relationships. We stop treating life as a rehearsal and start living with intention. After creating their personal highlight reels, people consistently report feeling both humbled by others' appreciation and energized to contribute more fully. As Dave put it after reading his own eulogies: "I found myself thinking, I'm actually a pretty good dude. I did life right."

Chapter 3: Crafting Your Personal Highlight Reel

In middle school, Daphna Oyserman noticed something troubling about the students in Detroit. While the national average for on-time graduation was 75%, it hovered around 40% in Detroit, with even lower rates for minority youth. As a University of Michigan researcher, Oyserman wondered if this had something to do with students' "possible selves" – the people they hoped to become, or feared becoming, in the future. Society constantly bombards low-income minority youth with stories of limited achievement. Even Latino and African American students themselves often expect Latinos to become manual laborers and African Americans to perform poorly in school. In neighborhoods where children see few adults with academic achievements or professional jobs, their dreams become unnecessarily constrained. When these students imagine their future selves, what jumps to mind are limiting narratives. Some even feel that asking teachers for help (a good academic habit) contradicts their racial identity because it's "such a white thing to do." Oyserman designed an intervention consisting of eleven sessions over seven weeks to help Detroit eighth-graders develop academic possible selves. Students picked photographs representing their adult visions, drew role models who motivated them, and created art expressing behaviors that aligned with their academic selves. The results were remarkable. Compared to a control group, these students were absent less often, earned higher GPAs, and scored better on standardized tests. More than twice as many students in the control group dropped out compared to those in the intervention. Almost two years later, these effects continued to grow. Students who had developed academic possible selves spent significantly more time on homework each week, showed more initiative, and were more likely to persist with difficult problems. Their grades continued to improve compared to the control group. What does this tell us? Our possible selves can be crafted and developed, and our behaviors follow those narratives. The stories we tell ourselves about who we are and who we might become have extraordinary power to shape our actions and our outcomes. When we change our self-story, we change our habits, and ultimately, we change our lives. This is precisely why creating a personal highlight reel is so transformative. By collecting and reflecting on specific moments when we've been at our best, we strengthen the connection between our concept of self and our most exceptional behaviors. These memories show us what we're capable of when we reach our potential. When our best self becomes more accessible in our minds, we're more likely to act in ways that reflect that version of ourselves. As with the Detroit students, who you believe you can be dramatically affects who you become. Your highlight reel doesn't create capabilities you don't possess – it reveals the extraordinary qualities already within you, waiting to be accessed more consistently.

Chapter 4: Discovering Your Signature Strengths

A month into his cancer treatment, Dan Cable was riding his bicycle to work when a wave of hope suddenly washed over him. "I just might make it!" he thought, tears forming in his eyes. After months of facing his mortality, he saw life not as a chore to endure but as an adventure to experience. This brush with death had shattered his old assumptions, allowing him to rebuild his perspective with new clarity. Before his diagnosis, Cable had been sleepwalking through life. Though successful on paper – prestigious job, good income, nice house, wonderful family – he felt disconnected and bored. "I had become bored, and I felt like I had been 'waiting to live,' as if I had assumed I would have unlimited time," he writes. Cable had settled into teaching the same material year after year, watching himself perform from the ceiling, making the same jokes in the same places. He had put his dreams on hold, focusing on accumulating rental properties for eventual retirement, despite being only in his thirties. Cable's cancer experience jolted him out of this pattern. With his assumptions shattered, he recognized he didn't have forever to improve his relationship with his partner, pursue his dreams, or make his best impact. The trauma motivated him to relocate to London, reinvent his teaching approach, and research topics that genuinely excited him. "Whatever time and experiences I get now feel like 'extra' life," he explains. "This jolt resulted in a strong feeling of getting a 'bonus round' in life." Research shows this phenomenon, called post-traumatic growth, is quite common. Between 58% and 83% of people report positive transformation after trauma. While survivors face many challenges, they often gain wisdom, insight, and empathy. They become more engaged in life, prioritizing relationships and focusing on making meaningful contributions. What's fascinating is that this growth isn't limited to negative events – research shows positive traumas can be equally transformative. This is where your personal highlight reel comes in. When you hear stories about your positive impact from people you trust, you often experience what researchers call an "appreciation jolt" – a surprisingly powerful positive event that creates strong emotions. José Luis, a Mexican executive, experienced this after reading his highlight reel right before going for a run in London's Regent's Park. During his run, he suddenly noticed "everybody else moving in slow motion" while his own movement quickened and felt effortless. This strange sensation – a mixture of dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins – gave him a new perspective on his life and habits. Your highlight reel offers a positive jolt that disrupts your assumptions about who you are and what you're capable of. It reveals your signature strengths – the unique qualities that make up your best possible self. Unlike generic personality tests, your highlight reel is built from specific memories from people who know you well, grounding your strengths in real evidence from your life. When you recognize these signature strengths – whether it's curiosity, connecting deeply with others, or seeing creative solutions to problems – you can intentionally bring them forward more often. This isn't about ignoring your weaknesses, but rather about making your greatest impact by focusing your energy where you naturally excel. As Martin Seligman's research shows, simply knowing your strengths isn't enough; people who used their signature strengths in new ways reported increased happiness and decreased depression six months later, while those who merely identified their strengths saw no lasting benefits.

Chapter 5: Transforming Work and Life Through Your Gifts

Charles, a sales manager at a UK beer company, found himself increasingly disengaged from his job. What had started as an energizing career in sales had evolved into a management position that left him bored and disconnected. Though he now made three times his starting salary and had a nice office, he described most of his day as filled with "bullshit meetings" where he felt like an "order taker" processing things that held little meaning. Rather than accepting this as the inevitable cost of promotion, Charles experimented with crafting his job around his strengths. Each week, he decided to visit one client – not to make sales, but simply to connect. One week he might visit a supermarket manager to discuss trends; another week he might talk with distributors about what was moving in bulk. Though this wasn't part of his formal job description, Charles found these connections energized him and, surprisingly, gave new meaning to his other responsibilities. When interviewing candidates or discussing performance with salespeople, he now had fresh perspectives to share. When attending product meetings, he could connect new offerings to market trends he'd observed firsthand. Charles discovered that work crafting – reshaping your job to better utilize your strengths – created an upward spiral of engagement and performance. By adding activities that energized him, he found more purpose in his role without changing his job title or company. Most interestingly, these "off script" behaviors actually improved his sales results. "By using his strengths, and talking with people out of genuine curiosity about the problems they faced, it made people want to do business with him," Cable writes. Another powerful example comes from David Holmes, a Southwest Airlines flight attendant who grew weary of delivering the same preflight safety announcements six times daily. Rather than sleepwalking through this requirement, David reimagined the announcement using his signature strengths of playfulness and rapping. He asked passengers to stomp their feet and clap to create a beat while he delivered safety information through clever rhymes. Though initially hesitant, passengers soon responded with enthusiasm to David's authentic self-expression. Work crafting doesn't mean abandoning your responsibilities – David still covered all the required safety information – but rather finding creative ways to infuse your unique gifts into your existing role. As Marcus Buckingham, a strengths researcher, discovered, you can transform energy-draining tasks by reframing them around your strengths. As an introvert who disliked small talk at professional events, Buckingham learned to reframe "mingling" as "interviewing" – one of his natural strengths. By selecting three people to interview deeply at each event, he transformed dreaded networking into energizing connections. Beyond individual tasks, we can craft our entire lives around what energizes us. Antônia, a Brazilian consultant who overcame poverty to earn an MBA from the University of Chicago and become a managing director, realized she had neglected activities that brought her joy. After reading her highlight reel, she recognized how dance and socializing gave her energy. Despite her demanding schedule, she committed to weekly dance classes and regular nights out with friends. "Some people ask me, 'How can you do that? How come you don't need to sleep?' But I feel so energized, going out with people that I like and talking," she explained. The Japanese concept of ikigai – finding the sweet spot where what you love, what you're good at, what you value, and what you can be paid for intersect – captures this approach to life crafting. When you align your behaviors with your natural talents and core values, you not only experience more fulfillment but also make your unique contribution to the world. As researcher Dan Buettner discovered in studying the world's longest-lived communities, having this sense of purpose correlates with both happiness and longevity.

Chapter 6: Making Your Exceptional Self a Daily Habit

Liam, a 42-year-old consultant born in Mumbai and living in Sydney, had always been good at staying goal-focused and inspiring others toward shared objectives. But he never considered this ability special until he read his highlight reel. "There wasn't any new information there," he explained. "It's probably more about reminding me of something that had happened—that had obviously been meaningful to the person—that I had forgotten about or hadn't thought about in a long time." This reveals a fascinating pattern: we often forget or dismiss the very qualities others find most valuable about us. Like fish unaware they're swimming in water, we take our natural strengths for granted because we've never experienced life without them. When something comes easily to us, we tend to undervalue it as "simple" or "nothing special," missing its profound effect on others. Research shows that creating lasting change requires consistency and practice. Phillippa Lally and her colleagues from University College London found that forming a new habit takes about 66 days of steady practice. While simple behaviors like drinking water daily become automatic quickly, more complex habits require longer commitment. Fortunately, there are practical strategies to help you access your exceptional self more regularly. First, consider the doorway exercise. Each time you walk through a door, touch the frame and ask yourself, "Who am I being as I walk in?" This simple practice helps you check whether you're bringing your best self to each situation. Gabriela, a consultant from Bogotá, found this approach transformative: "It's easy for me to generally do all those things: Do your job, earn your money, be a good parent. But it makes a huge difference when I'm doing them in a way that is conscious. Now I don't want to just do things well. I want to do them joyfully well." Next, examine your relationships. Who helps bring out your best self, and who diminishes you? Ben, a consultant from Munich, found through his highlight reel that curiosity was one of his signature strengths – yet his work colleagues never mentioned it. He realized he had developed a "Sunday blues" feeling, dreading the upcoming workweek. To counter this, Ben established a new Sunday routine of identifying three curiosity-sparking conversations he looked forward to having in the coming days. This simple practice energized him for Mondays and eventually transformed his leadership approach with his team. Another powerful habit is regularly expressing appreciation for others' strengths. Our cultural tendency to focus on flaws means we often "assume away" the good that others do. Andrew, a London-based professional, discovered this after reading a highlight reel story from his wife about how he'd dropped everything one Christmas to help her stranded parents. "I hadn't appreciated how much my wife had appreciated me doing that," he said, becoming emotional just thinking about it. Andrew now makes a point of noticing and acknowledging others' contributions, writing personal notes to team members recognizing their specific strengths. Finally, remember that using your strengths intelligently doesn't mean turning them up indiscriminately. Every strength has a potential shadow side when overused or applied without awareness. For example, Oscar from Stockholm learned from his highlight reel that people valued his assertiveness in speaking the truth. If he were to amplify this without discernment, he might become an overbearing person who dominates every conversation. The solution isn't to dial back your strengths but to focus on the impact you want to create with them. Adam Grant, a professor and author, discovered this when a student called him a "logic bully" after he overwhelmed her with rational arguments during a mentoring session. Rather than suppressing his logical thinking, Grant learned to channel this strength toward helping students see how he would approach a problem without forcing his conclusions on them. As Marcus Buckingham puts it, "You can never have too much of a strength; you can only use it poorly." Becoming exceptional isn't about perfection or constant achievement. It's about consistently bringing your unique gifts into the world in ways that benefit others. Each day offers new opportunities to either shy away from your potential or step toward it. As you develop habits that activate your best self more frequently, you'll find yourself making a greater impact with less effort, experiencing more joy and purpose along the way.

Summary

When Laura Carstensen was twenty-one, her life seemed headed nowhere promising. A high-school graduate with a young child and a recent divorce, her career prospects looked bleak. Then one night, driving home from a concert, her vehicle crashed and rolled down an embankment. She suffered massive injuries and spent four months in the hospital. "I got better enough to realize how close I had come to losing my life, and I saw differently what matters to me," she recalls. This brush with mortality transformed her path completely. She pursued higher education, eventually earning a PhD and becoming one of the world's leading researchers on aging and time perception. Carstensen's research revealed something fascinating: when people become aware of life's fragility, they focus more on meaningful relationships and making their unique contribution. They process information more positively and prioritize what truly matters. Most importantly, they stop delaying their potential and start living with intention. "It would destroy human motivation if we were immortal," Carstensen explains. "It activates us to think about what we can accomplish before life ends. It helps us get closer to the people around us and makes it more precious to be a living being." Creating your personal highlight reel offers a form of "positive trauma" that can achieve this perspective shift without requiring a near-death experience. By breaking through the eulogy delay and transience aversion, you gain clarity about your signature strengths and the impact you're capable of making. This isn't about wishful thinking or ignoring your limitations – it's about directing your finite time and energy where they'll create the greatest fulfillment and contribution. As you consistently practice using your exceptional qualities in new ways, you strengthen the neural pathways that make these behaviors more accessible. Day by day, you become more of who you truly are. The question that remains is simple but profound: "Given your limited time, what is the best impact you are capable of making in this life?" Your answer lies in the exceptional self you're now awakening.

About Author

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Daniel M. Cable

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