Find Your Unicorn Space

Find Your Unicorn Space Plot Summary

Introduction

Have you ever felt that something vital was missing from your life? For Jessica, it was a stark realization during a simple dinner date. When her companion innocently asked, "What do you do for fun?", she was stunned into silence. After years of juggling responsibilities as a mother and professional, the question felt almost offensive. Fun? Who has time for that? As she confided to her cousin later, "Really, who has time for fun when you're raising kids and juggling a career?" The question lingered in the air, unanswered yet profound. This moment captures what countless individuals experience in our achievement-driven world. We become so consumed with meeting expectations—excelling in our careers, nurturing our relationships, maintaining our homes—that we neglect the creative spark that makes us uniquely ourselves. The space for self-expression shrinks until it disappears entirely, leaving us feeling strangely incomplete despite outward success. But what if this missing element isn't just a luxury we can't afford? What if it's actually essential to our wellbeing, relationships, and sense of identity? Through compelling stories and practical wisdom, we'll explore how creating uninterrupted time for curiosity and creative expression isn't selfish—it's necessary. You'll discover how to move beyond guilt, communicate your needs effectively, and rediscover what truly makes you come alive.

Chapter 1: Permission to Be Unavailable: Setting Boundaries for Creative Freedom

Eve found herself in her guest room, attempting to write for two uninterrupted hours on a Sunday morning. She had announced to her family: "After breakfast, I'm going to work on my book for two hours. I'll be home, but pretend I'm not home." They nodded in vague agreement. Within five minutes, the interruptions began. Her husband knocked to discuss grocery pickup. Her nine-year-old barged in about homework. Her three-year-old screamed for mommy from the adjacent room. The following week, Eve tried a different approach. She explained that she needed two hours to write, that this time was important to her, and that she would be completely available afterward. She even wrote "UNAVAILABLE" on a Post-it and stuck it to her shirt. Yet within minutes, the interruptions resumed. Her husband appeared with "I know you're unavailable, but..." Her daughter came in to whisper "I love you." Her son pointed out that her Post-it was falling off. Frustrated, Eve reverted to sharp commands: "GET OUT!" This left her son teary-eyed and herself feeling guilty. She realized her approach wasn't working. At breakfast the following Sunday, she tried a new tactic: "I love you and I want you to feel seen and heard in this house. I want to feel heard and respected, too. I'm asking for two full hours to write. This time is very important to me. It allows me to use my voice for what I value, which means I have more to give you when I'm done." This time, the boundary held. Eve's husband, seeing her example, soon negotiated for his own uninterrupted time on Saturdays. Their children adapted quickly, even looking forward to their special one-on-one time with each parent. By setting clear, respectful boundaries rather than barking commands or using passive-aggressive tactics, Eve created space for her creative pursuits while strengthening family relationships. The key insight here is that uninterrupted time allows us to enter a state of "flow" – that magical condition where we become completely absorbed in what we're doing. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes flow as "the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter." Without this sustained attention, our creative energy dissipates in a constant stream of interruptions. Setting boundaries isn't selfish – it's essential. When we give ourselves permission to be unavailable, we aren't just protecting our time; we're honoring our need for self-expression. The world will continue making demands on our attention unless we deliberately create these protective walls around our creative space. By clearly communicating our needs and why they matter, we can transform how others respond to our boundaries, allowing us to access that precious state of flow where our best creative work emerges.

Chapter 2: Beyond Guilt: Burning Shame to Reclaim Your Creative Life

One afternoon at a nail salon, Eve struck up a conversation with a woman waiting beside her. "I've been looking forward to this," Eve confided. "Away from the house and my family." The woman nodded in understanding but seemed surprised when Eve mentioned turning off her phone. "I could never do that," she admitted. "I feel like I should always be available for whatever comes up." When Eve explained her weekend arrangement—where she took the kids all day Saturday and her husband had them all day Sunday—the woman's eyebrow raised. "Wait... you left him with the kids for the full day?" This reaction was all too familiar. While no one bats an eye when mothers assume sole responsibility for children for extended periods, the reverse often triggers judgment. Dr. Amber Thornton describes the dynamic perfectly: "Women mistakenly assume that spending time with our kids, partner, or work is more important than spending time with ourselves. This leads to neglecting our needs, which then leads to guilt if we dare even have a moment to ourselves." The disparity became even clearer when Eve sat next to a man reading a Harvard Business Review guide to work-life balance on a plane. The book advocated having "one full day a week that is yours and yours alone." When Eve asked if he felt guilty about taking this untouchable time, the man laughed. "My wife may give me shit for it, but no, I don't feel guilty." This guilt discrepancy keeps many women trapped. Dr. Pooja Lakshmin explains: "There is a misconception that stay-at-home moms are living the dream right now. What right do we have to be pained? The price of my family's happiness was paid for with my goals, dreams, and a large part of my identity." She adds that guilt holds us back: "Research shows that mothers report higher levels of work-family guilt compared to fathers. Many women are tied to self-sacrifice as a marker of being the good mother." Katherine Goldstein recognized this pattern and launched her "F*ck Mom Guilt World Tour" to combat it. "Women should stop feeling guilty and start getting angry," she encourages. "This is how we become motivated to challenge the status quo." To break free from this cycle, Eve created a ritual. Before leaving her family for a two-week book tour, she wrote "Guilt" and "Shame" on origami paper, folded it into a square, and ceremonially burned it, saying: "Guilt and shame, you have got to where I am today, but I don't need you anymore. From this point forward, you will only serve as a distraction, a hurdle in my way. I am willing to let you go. I am setting myself free." When we recognize guilt and shame as internalized noise that doesn't serve us or our loved ones, we can take back our power. By setting intentional boundaries—fire walls against guilt—we protect our creative space. The pathway to Unicorn Space requires reframing guilt into something more productive. Instead of saying, "I feel guilty because I'm taking time for myself," say, "I made this choice because it allows me to recharge and be more present afterward." No apologies, just conviction in your choices.

Chapter 3: Finding Your Voice: Communicating Creative Needs Effectively

Bianca and Steve were locked in a familiar argument. As Eve sat at their kitchen table one Sunday morning, their conflict unfolded: Steve had breezed downstairs in running gear, preparing for his weekly long run. Bianca leaned in to whisper, "He's training for a marathon, and Sunday mornings are his 'long runs,' which means I'll be left alone with the kids all day." Steve overheard and retorted, "I won't be gone all day. I'll be home this afternoon. Did you mention to Eve that you were out late last night while I was home with the kids?" Bianca shot back about only being gone two hours for her friend's birthday, even ordering them dinner before leaving. Steve declared, "The deal is that Sundays are my time to run." Bianca snapped, "When did we make this deal?" This cycle of accusation and defense demonstrates how easily couples miscommunicate about individual time needs. Many resort to passive-aggressive behavior, sharp commands, or avoidance rather than direct, respectful conversation. Eve experienced this herself. Her husband once described her communication style as "the human equivalent of nails on a chalkboard." Her tone could be harsh and demanding, leading to resistance rather than cooperation. She learned that effective boundary-setting requires clear, respectful communication—not barking demands or going on strike. To break this pattern, Eve developed a framework for communicating about creative needs. First, invite your partner to discuss the importance of individual time using inclusive language: "I'd like to talk about creating more time for me, for you, and for us." Approach the conversation when emotions are low and thinking is clear—not during a heated moment. Second, create a "communication container"—a regular time to check in about schedules and needs. Eve and her husband meet nightly after the kids are in bed, often over ice cream. This ritual creates a safe space to discuss what's working and what isn't without pressure or defensiveness. Third, pre-negotiate the division of labor so both partners can schedule time for individual pursuits. Customize your defaults about who handles which household tasks rather than letting one person become the automatic dishwasher, carpool driver, or dog walker. Finally, share your "why" rather than just your "what." When Eve wanted to write a second book, her husband initially questioned why she needed to do this. Instead of getting defensive, she explained: "Creating Fair Play has been the most exhilarating ride of my life. I've learned so much and connected with women all over the world. This work has made me a better version of myself for me, for you, our kids, for everyone I meet." With this deeper understanding, he fully supported her. Matthew Fray, whose marriage ended partly due to poor communication, now advises others to "stop, pause, and seek to understand what your partner needs." Rather than correcting or invalidating their experience, approach with curiosity. "When we choose curiosity and seek clarity, our partners start to feel seen, heard, and validated." The path to Unicorn Space requires engaging in open, honest, collaborative dialogue. By striking down internal stories that silence your voice and clearly communicating your feelings and needs without apology, you create the foundation for your creative life to flourish.

Chapter 4: Curiosity as Compass: Identifying What Makes You Come Alive

Michelle recently confided to Eve: "My husband and I have been rebalancing the workload at home so that we each have more time for ourselves. This is progress, except now when I do have time to spend on 'me,' I have no idea what to do." Despite being an accomplished HR executive and mother, Michelle found herself sitting at her kitchen counter during two free hours, racking her brain: "What do I like to do with free time for me? What are my interests?" As time ticked by, she began to resent the free time because she felt so lost without her usual to-do list. Michelle's dilemma is surprisingly common. When asked "What makes you feel most like you?", many successful people freeze. Erica Keswin, a workplace strategist who poses this question to guests on her podcast, notes that even a highly successful CEO once answered hesitantly: "Shopping?" The problem isn't necessarily a lack of passion but rather that "passion" sets too high a bar. Most of us would struggle to immediately name our passions, but we could easily answer questions about our children's preferences or where to find items in a grocery store. Instead of focusing on passion, consider what you're curious about. Curiosity has many compelling definitions: Aristotle called it the desire to know; Ian Leslie described it as "the itch to explore"; Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi referred to it as a "burning" interest; Elizabeth Bonawitz likened it to hunger. These descriptions can apply to virtually anything that piques your interest. Take Brennan Spiegel, a doctor whose curiosity about the medical power of the mind led him to pioneer virtual reality treatments for various conditions. "To me, creativity and curiosity drive all my scientific pursuits," he explained. What began as simple questions—how can computer code fool the brain into having an out-of-body experience?—evolved into breakthrough medical applications for pain management and PTSD treatment. The great news is that creativity isn't limited to traditional "arts." It includes developing new skills, expanding knowledge in your field of expertise, or learning advancements in your areas of interest. You don't need a paintbrush to be creative! Based on extensive interviews, creative living can be defined as "the active and open pursuit of self-expression in any form that piques and satisfies your curiosity." Your feelings provide important clues to discovering your curiosity. Professor Kennon Sheldon explains: "A deeper part of you is talking to you if you will listen. The way to know if you've landed on your 'what' is by gauging the feeling it gives you. If you feel happy, engaged, pulled into a flow state, that's your clue that you're on the right track." Robin Arzón, who left a successful law career to become a fitness coach, discovered her path by "unpacking the moments I'd felt my best." She realized she felt happiest while running or working on her personal blog, not when writing legal briefs. She also paid attention to feelings like jealousy: "I'm jealous that my friend has the freedom to engage in her passion. I want that freedom, too." These emotional whispers became roars that guided her toward a new life. To identify what makes you come alive, create space for diffused thinking—that mental state where ideas can percolate without pressure. Then align your curiosities with your core values. Our values directly influence our lives, motivating and directing our actions. When we pursue activities that align with our deepest values, we experience greater fulfillment and purpose.

Chapter 5: Purposeful Connection: Sharing Your Gifts With the World

Lacy Freeman was working unhappily as a legal assistant, feeling like her cubicle job was "zapping her soul." When her husband got a new job in another city, she found herself with space to try something new. Though she wanted to be more creative, she hesitated because "all my life I'd heard, 'Art doesn't make money. It's not a career.'" Nevertheless, in her new city, she began teaching art camp for kids and painting murals downtown. Eventually, Lacy was drawn to painting and turned a room in her house into an art studio. She produced so much art that she decided to try selling at a local festival. "I was incredibly nervous," she recalled. "I thought, my art's not great, but I'm going to do it anyway. I wanted to see what people thought of my work, although I was terrified someone would say, 'Oh God, this is ugly.'" To her surprise, people were supportive. Even those who didn't buy her work took her card or offered encouragement. Lacy noticed that people were particularly drawn to her animal paintings. At her next festival, she featured only animals and created a unique interaction: "I'd match them to an animal. I'd ask them a couple questions about themselves and create a story about why they were more like a giraffe or a llama, and people were really getting a kick out of it." This connection with others inspired her to continue creating. Today, she has a thriving business creating custom pet portraits with a long wait list. "Creating for creativity's sake and making connections with people is what motivated me forward," Lacy explained. "When I align my values with my creative pursuits, I arrive in my Unicorn Space." When you pair your creative pursuit with a "share with the world" mindset, it becomes more meaningful and purposeful. Research from psychology indicates that pursuing meaning—connecting to something beyond yourself—may be the true path to happiness. In a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, happiness was defined by feeling good, while meaning came from an orientation to something bigger than the self. The sweet spot is where meaning and happiness overlap. Through extensive interviews, Eve identified seven types of sharing that motivate people to connect their creativity with the world: The "Spin-off" share is motivated by embracing traditions or skills from previous generations or imparting them to future ones. Ashley, for example, uses her grandmother's knitting needles to create Harry Potter dolls, putting her own magical spin on a family tradition. The "Show Up and Support" share helps you stay accountable to your goals while helping others reach theirs. Dolores created a Butterfly Tribe movement community where members support each other's fitness journeys while raising money for brain cancer research. The "Serendipitous Community" share connects you with others through your Unicorn Space. Jesse, a 70-year-old retired pediatrician who took up surfing in his forties, values the community of fellow surfers who "have my back if I get into trouble." The "Slay It Forward" share involves passing on your skills and knowledge. Rico Phillips, a firefighter who teaches hockey to low-income kids, says, "Kids who look like me don't typically have a place in hockey. I want to show them that, like me, they can be part of this community." The "Sounding Board" share seeks feedback to improve your craft. Lacy used her first art show as a learning opportunity, refining her work based on audience reactions. The "Service" share acts generously for your community. Karolina Kurkova, during the pandemic, created Masks for All, producing sustainable cloth masks and donating proceeds to Feeding America. The "Showcase" share reveals your authentic self to the world. Lara Adekoya, after losing her job at Nordstrom during COVID-19, started baking cookies as therapy and to connect with her community, eventually launching a successful business. The motivation to share varies from person to person, but all these types create meaningful connections. Mia Birdsong explains that "creativity plus connection creates this kind of alchemy where whatever you are creating expands." By identifying which type of sharing resonates with you and the community you want to connect with, you can fully realize your Unicorn Space.

Chapter 6: Embracing Imperfection: Why Completion Trumps Perfection

Jessica and Eve pulled out their gold-glitter sneakers for an outdoor dance class. As they caught up on their Unicorn Space pursuits, Jessica expressed doubt about an upcoming recital: "I think I went too far too fast and now I'm afraid I won't be able to get on that stage. I'm just not the dancer I used to be." She worried about forgetting the routine or getting stuck in a half-split, unable to get back up. Her concerns echo what Elizabeth Gilbert describes in Big Magic: "Perfectionism is a particularly evil lure for women, who hold themselves to an even higher standard of performance than men. Too many women still seem to believe that they are not allowed to put themselves forward at all, until both they and their work are perfect and beyond criticism." This perfectionism often prevents completion. How do we know when our creative expression is "ready" to share with the world? Eve posed this question to her friend Julie Burstein, an award-winning radio producer who took up pottery at age fifty. Burstein replied, "Pottery helped me with perfection because you can work on a piece forever, but at some point, if you want it to be more than squishy wet clay, it has to go into the kiln. It has to go into the fire." Burstein continued, "One of my best teachers encouraged me to think of my work in terms of creating a series. Don't just make one thing, make one hundred of that thing. And as you throw things into the fire and continue to create, you take what you've learned and put it into the next piece." This approach takes the pressure off any single creation being perfect. Novelist Robert Jones Jr., whose debut novel The Prophets was published when he was fifty after thirteen years of writing and rewriting, confirmed this perspective: "It will never be done for me. I could have gone another two or three years revising, but that would keep me from moving on to what I want to write next. I finally realized that it was a complete project for the hands that will hold it, for the people who will read it." The journey to completion isn't always joyful. Creativity expert Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says, "The pursuit of a creative problem is rarely easy. In fact, in order for it to be enjoyable it should be hard." Eve confirms this paradox from her own writing experience: "Much of the time, I'm staring into a blank-screen abyss as the popular refrain of Dorothy Parker narrates my inner dialogue: I hate writing, I HATE WRITING, I love having written." To reach completion, you need small, achievable markers along the way. For Ashley, it's creating the basic shape of a Harry Potter doll. For Lacy, it's priming a canvas. These small steps keep you in active pursuit and accountable to your goals. Develop creativity habits that work for you: mental reframing, protecting your time, experimenting with new approaches, or using deadlines to force completion. As you take these small steps, celebrate your progress. Natalie Nixon does a happy dance and sometimes enjoys a cupcake with a candle when she finishes a writing chapter. Neuroscientist Darby Saxbe finds satisfaction in her weekly band practice: "That process of doing something difficult and actually seeing yourself getting better through rigor and hard work is so incredibly rewarding." Software engineer Jordan Sherer, whose ham radio hobby unexpectedly led to developing technology used by military and emergency agencies, emphasizes the compound effect of small steps: "It started by being interested. Then I had to do the research, small step, and then I studied to get the license, small step. Eventually, three years later, all the small steps compounded to create new opportunities." When you reach your completion point, celebrate fully—then reimagine a new dream. Creative expression can be a lifelong pursuit, constantly evolving as you grow. As Afdhel Aziz, a business consultant contemplating a shift to filmmaking, put it: "Maybe some projects won't work so well, but I'm going to have fun figuring it out, and I will have challenged myself to hold true to my values and do what I really love doing. That will be the achievement in and of itself."

Chapter 7: Creating Your Legacy: Making Creativity a Life Practice

One Friday night, Eve and her family were watching the Disney movie Tangled. As Rapunzel and Flynn Rider reached the emotional climax of the story, Rapunzel asked: "I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?" Flynn reassured her, "It will be." Rapunzel pressed, "And what if it is? What do I do then?" Flynn answered, "Well, that's the good part, I guess. You get to go find a new dream." Eve's nine-year-old son, Ben, turned to her with sudden recognition: "Mom, that's what you say." After months of overhearing conversations about pursuing dreams and creative journeys, he summarized her message perfectly: "You don't have to stop with one dream because, duh, you can always find a new dream." This insight captures a profound truth: staying in active pursuit of your dreams creates an active, living legacy. For those with children, it's vital that they see us living full, meaningful, creative lives at any age. Even without children, modeling this unapologetic openness to curiosity helps normalize creative expression for everyone in your social sphere. In her philanthropic work advising people on legacy planning, Eve often asks, "What is the legacy you want to leave behind?" Many clients become uncomfortable with this question, sometimes even denying their mortality. She's found a more effective approach is asking: "What do you want to be remembered for today? Let's talk about your passions and interests and how you're living your life right now." For those whose values align with an active Unicorn Space, this question becomes much easier to answer. When Sarah received a golden box for her forty-fifth birthday containing words her friends used to describe her, many said the same thing: "Sarah connects amazing women." This insight aligned perfectly with her values and inspired her to start a podcast connecting women "at the sweet spot between neurotic and chill." Professor Dan McAdams of Northwestern University suggests finding your legacy by identifying "your gift and then the place or space in the world that appreciates that gift. It's finding that 'match' of what you can offer and what the world wants and needs right now, and in generations to come." Rudy Hypolite exemplifies this approach. Working full-time at Harvard University, he uses his summers and weekends to create documentary films about marginalized communities in Boston. His films Push and This Ain't Normal give voice to those whose stories are rarely told. "I'm not in this to make money," he explains. "My motivation is to tell stories and hopefully stir and inspire people into action and bring about change." His two adult daughters have been inspired to carry forward his values of storytelling and social justice in their own work. Bob Ballard, famous for discovering the Titanic, views his legacy as "exciting kids to dream their dream and live their dream." After that discovery, he received 16,000 letters from children asking how they could follow in his footsteps. "My answer: Believe in your dreams and passions. And don't be talked out of them." When tragedy struck with the loss of his son, he dedicated himself to inspiring children: "Stay forever curious. Live your dream. Don't let anyone talk you out of it." McAdams notes that the narrative identities of highly generative adults often include redemption—being delivered from suffering to an enhanced state. When you move from stagnation to creating something you proudly share with the world, you become someone committed to improving others' lives. You increase your "generativity"—your concern for and contribution to future generations. As Eve reflects on her own redemption story—from feeling crushed under invisible labor to creating communities for policy and domestic change—she sees how one dream led to another. "What I've discovered is that the pieces that crack or break or come out of the fire misshapen and not how you intended can be the most beautiful," she writes. These redemptive moments work as an antidote to daily challenges, allowing us to weather storms while creating something meaningful that outlasts us.

Summary

Throughout this journey into Unicorn Space, we've discovered that creative self-expression isn't optional—it's essential to our wellbeing, relationships, and sense of identity. The path begins with three crucial permissions we must grant ourselves: permission to be unavailable, setting clear boundaries around our time and space; permission to burn guilt and shame that keep us tethered to others' expectations; and permission to use our voice to communicate our needs effectively. Only then can we fully embrace the Three C's—Curiosity, Connection, and Completion—that form the framework for creative living. The stories we've encountered reveal a powerful truth: when we align our creative pursuits with our deepest values and share them with others, we experience both meaning and happiness. Whether it's Lacy finding her voice through animal paintings, Rudy telling untold stories through documentary films, or Julie throwing pottery into the fire, each person discovered that imperfect completion trumps endless perfectionism. They also found that sharing their gifts—whether through teaching, mentoring, creating community, or simply revealing their authentic selves—multiplied their joy and impact. As oceanographer Bob Ballard wisely advised: "Stay forever curious. Live your dream." By making creativity a life practice rather than a one-time achievement, we create not just beautiful works but beautiful lives—a legacy that inspires others to dance in the rain of their own storms and discover the unique gifts they alone can offer the world.

About Author

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Eve Rodsky

Eve Rodsky is working to change society one marriage at a time with a new 21st century solution to an age-old problem: women shouldering the brunt of childrearing and domestic life responsibilities regardless of whether they work outside the home.In her forthcoming book Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live), she uses her Harvard Law School training and years of organizational management experience to create a gamified life-management system to help couples rebalance all of the work it takes to run a home and allow them to reimagine their relationship, time and purpose. Eve Rodsky received her B.A. in economics and anthropology from the University of Michigan, and her J.D. from Harvard Law School. After working in foundation management at J.P. Morgan, she founded the Philanthropy Advisory Group to advise high-net worth families and charitable foundations on best practices for harmonious operations, governance and disposition of funds. In her work with hundreds of families over a decade, she realized that her expertise in family mediation, strategy, and organizational management could be applied to a problem closer to home – a system for couples seeking balance, efficiency, and peace in their home. Rodsky was born and raised by a single mom in New York City and now lives in Los Angeles with her husband and their three children.

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