First Things First

First Things First Plot Summary

Introduction

Have you ever felt like you're constantly busy, yet still not accomplishing what truly matters? Many of us find ourselves caught in a cycle of urgency—responding to pressing demands, putting out fires, and racing through packed schedules—while the truly important aspects of our lives remain neglected. We struggle with the gap between what we deeply value and how we actually spend our time. This disconnect isn't simply about managing time better—it's about fundamentally redefining our relationship with time. The challenge isn't to do more things faster, but to do the right things. When we focus merely on efficiency without questioning effectiveness, we may climb our ladders of success only to discover they're leaning against the wrong wall. The solution lies not in controlling time, but in leading our lives according to principles that transcend time—principles that help us distinguish between what's merely urgent and what's genuinely important.

Chapter 1: Shift from Urgency to Importance

At the heart of effective time management lies a crucial distinction between urgency and importance. Urgent matters demand immediate attention—they press on us, insist on action, and are usually visible. Important matters, however, contribute to our mission, values, and high-priority goals—they may not demand immediate action, but neglecting them eventually creates problems. Stephen Covey introduces a powerful framework called the Time Management Matrix, which divides activities into four quadrants based on their urgency and importance. Quadrant I contains activities that are both urgent and important—genuine crises and deadline-driven projects. Quadrant II holds activities that are important but not urgent—relationship building, planning, prevention, and personal development. Quadrant III consists of urgent but unimportant activities—interruptions, some meetings, and many pressing matters. Quadrant IV contains activities that are neither urgent nor important—time wasters and escape activities. Many professionals find themselves trapped in what Covey calls "urgency addiction"—the adrenaline rush that comes from handling crises becomes addictive. One executive from Australia recognized this pattern in his organization: "We live from crisis to crisis. Nothing ever gets done until somebody says it's urgent." He then realized with shock: "I'm not only an addict—I'm a pusher!" This urgency addiction keeps us focused on Quadrant I and III activities while neglecting the vital Quadrant II work that would prevent many crises from occurring in the first place. The key to breaking this cycle is to significantly increase time spent in Quadrant II—important but not urgent activities. This requires a paradigm shift from urgency to importance. It means scheduling time for planning, relationship building, prevention, and personal development even when these activities don't scream for attention. It means recognizing that while urgency is often based on external pressures, importance comes from within—from our values, principles, and mission. To make this shift, we must learn to say "no" to activities in Quadrants III and IV, and even to some urgent and important matters in Quadrant I, to make room for the important but not urgent activities of Quadrant II. This isn't easy—it requires courage, vision, and discipline. But the rewards are immense: fewer crises, deeper relationships, better preparation, and a greater sense of control and purpose in our lives. The shift from urgency to importance isn't just about rearranging our schedules—it's about transforming our lives. It's about moving from a reactive stance to a proactive one, from being driven by the clock to being guided by the compass of our deepest values.

Chapter 2: Identify Your True North Principles

True North principles are universal, timeless laws that govern human effectiveness and fulfillment. Unlike values, which can be subjective and culturally influenced, principles are objective realities that operate regardless of our awareness or acceptance of them. They function like a compass, providing consistent direction regardless of the terrain or weather conditions we face. Roger Merrill shares a powerful personal journey that illustrates this principle-centered approach. He began his career in time management as a consultant, helping others become more efficient. "I would work with individuals to help them become more efficient, organize things better, learn how to handle the telephone and so forth," he explains. After observing and analyzing their activities, he would make specific suggestions on how they could get more done in less time. However, over time, he began to question whether he was truly helping. "I began to wonder if I was just helping people fail faster," he admits. This realization drove him to look beyond efficiency toward effectiveness based on principles. This shift in perspective transformed Roger's approach. He recognized that without understanding what was truly important—what principles should guide decisions—no amount of efficiency techniques would create a fulfilling life. The problem wasn't how much people were getting done, but whether what they were doing aligned with principles that would create quality-of-life results. The book identifies several key principles that serve as "True North" in our lives. One fundamental principle is the "Law of the Farm"—you cannot cram on a farm as you might for an exam. Natural processes require patience, consistent care, and respect for seasons and growth cycles. You cannot neglect a crop all season and then work frantically just before harvest. Similarly, relationships, health, and personal development follow natural laws that cannot be shortcut or manipulated. To identify your True North principles, begin by examining the wisdom literature across cultures and time. Notice the recurring themes about integrity, contribution, dignity, quality, potential, and growth. Then reflect on your own experience—when have you felt most fulfilled? What principles were you honoring in those moments? Also, observe the consequences in your life when you've violated principles you know to be true. Once identified, these principles become the foundation for effective decision-making. Rather than being swayed by urgency, social pressure, or convenience, you can evaluate choices against these unchanging standards. This creates consistency and integrity in your life, even amid changing circumstances. Remember that aligning with True North principles isn't always easy or immediately rewarded. It requires courage and sometimes means going against conventional wisdom or social pressure. However, the long-term benefits—inner peace, sustainable relationships, and lasting contribution—far outweigh the temporary discomfort of principle-centered choices.

Chapter 3: Create a Personal Mission Statement

A personal mission statement is a powerful tool that connects your daily activities with your deepest values and principles. It serves as the DNA of your life, providing direction and meaning to every decision you make. Unlike goals that focus on having or doing, a mission statement addresses who you want to be and what contribution you want to make. Stephen Covey shares the story of his daughter Maria, who was feeling frustrated as a new mother. "I'm so frustrated, Dad!" she confided. "You know how much I love this baby, but she is literally taking all my time. I'm just not getting anything else done." Maria felt pulled by many good things—projects she wanted to accomplish, contributions she wanted to make, things around the house that weren't getting done. Stephen helped her realize that her frustration stemmed from her expectations. For this season, only one thing was truly needful—enjoying her baby. "Just relax," he advised. "Relax and enjoy the nature of this new experience. Let this infant feel your joy in the role of mother. No one else can love and nurture that child the way you can." This story illustrates how a clear sense of purpose helps us navigate seasons of life with peace rather than frustration. Maria realized that in the short term, her life would be imbalanced—and that it should be. There is "a time and a season for everything under the sun." As her baby grew and entered different phases, she would be able to reach other goals and make other contributions. To create your own mission statement, begin by exercising creative imagination. Visualize your eightieth birthday or fiftieth wedding anniversary celebration. Who is there? What would you want them to say about you? What contributions would you want to have made to their lives? This exercise helps you identify what legacy you want to leave. Next, connect with your deep inner life through self-awareness, conscience, creative imagination, and independent will. Ask yourself: What unique gifts do I possess? What needs do I see in the world that I feel drawn to address? What principles do I want to embody? What roles are most important to me? The answers to these questions form the foundation of your mission statement. An empowering mission statement should represent your deepest and best self, express your unique gifts, be transcendent (focused on contribution rather than self), address all four fundamental needs (physical, social, mental, spiritual), be based on principles that produce quality-of-life results, include both vision and values, and address all significant roles in your life. Remember that creating a mission statement is not a one-time event but an ongoing process of refinement and renewal. Review it regularly, especially during your weekly planning sessions. Let it become a living document that evolves as you grow and gain new insights. The power comes not from having written it, but from internalizing it so deeply that it guides your moment-by-moment choices.

Chapter 4: Balance Roles Through Weekly Planning

Most of us experience the pain of imbalance in our lives. We feel torn between competing demands—our work responsibilities, family needs, community involvement, and personal development all vie for our limited time and energy. The traditional approach to balance often involves frantically running between these different "compartments" of life, trying to touch all bases. However, this compartmentalized thinking actually creates more stress and imbalance. Rebecca Merrill shares an illuminating insight about the interconnectedness of roles: "I remember when Roger was in graduate school and I was at home with small children. As we talked in the evenings about what he was working on in his classes, it became more and more apparent to us that the same principles that worked in a business setting could be applied in the leadership and management of a home." They discovered that principles of empowerment that developed responsible employees could be translated to empower three and four-year-old children to clean their rooms. Principles that created strong corporate relationships could strengthen family bonds. This realization transformed their understanding of balance. Rather than seeing roles as separate compartments competing for time, they recognized that roles are parts of a highly interrelated whole. The same character and competence developed in one role benefits every other role. Balance isn't about equal time distribution but about creating synergy among roles. To achieve this balanced, synergistic approach, the book introduces weekly planning as a powerful tool. Unlike daily planning that keeps us focused on what's urgent, weekly planning provides the perspective to focus on what's important. The process begins by identifying your various roles—perhaps as an individual, spouse, parent, professional, community member, and friend. Then, for each role, you select one or two important goals for the week. The key is to schedule your priorities rather than prioritize your schedule. Put the "big rocks" in first—those Quadrant II activities that are important but not urgent. Then let the "gravel, sand, and water" (less important activities) fill in around them. This creates a framework for effective decision-making throughout the week. Weekly planning also allows for balanced renewal. Instead of trying to exercise, read, meditate, and build relationships all in the same day, you can distribute these activities throughout the week for maximum effectiveness. Perhaps you exercise vigorously three days a week, spend quality time with family on weekends, and dedicate certain evenings to learning or community service. Remember that balance doesn't always mean equal time in each role every week. There are seasons of imbalance—like launching a new business or caring for a newborn—when short-term focus creates long-term balance. The key is to make conscious choices guided by your mission statement rather than being driven by urgency or others' expectations. By planning weekly with all your roles in mind, you create a holistic approach to life that honors your complete self and all your important relationships. This leads to greater peace, fulfillment, and effectiveness in every dimension.

Chapter 5: Act with Integrity in the Moment

Integrity in the moment of choice is where the rubber meets the road in time management. No matter how well we plan, life presents unexpected opportunities and challenges that test our commitment to what matters most. The space between stimulus and response—between what happens to us and how we choose to react—is where personal leadership happens. Viktor Frankl, who survived the Nazi death camps, observed this profound truth: "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." This insight reveals that even in the most difficult circumstances, we retain the freedom to choose our response based on our values and principles. Rebecca Merrill shares a personal experience that illustrates this principle. She had made plans to attend a week-long seminar with specific expectations about what she would accomplish between and after sessions. However, on the first day, she was asked to coordinate activities for other participants—a responsibility that would dramatically change her experience. Though initially frustrated by this disruption to her plans, she recognized that contributing to others' success aligned with her deeper values. Despite accepting the responsibility, Rebecca found herself feeling anxious and frustrated as she ran from task to task, unable to pursue her original goals. Then came a moment of clarity: "Wait a minute! I don't have to live with this frustration. I've made the choice to do what I really felt I ought to do, but that doesn't mean I have to suffer all this anxiety and tension. I can choose differently." She took a deep breath and decided to let go of the anxiety and embrace her new role with peace and purpose. This wasn't a one-time decision. Throughout the week, whenever she felt the pressure and frustration returning, she reminded herself, "I choose differently!" The more she practiced this response, the more empowered she felt. Looking back, she realized the experience was more satisfying and renewing than she could have imagined—but only because she chose to act with integrity to her values in each moment of choice. To develop this capacity for integrity in the moment, practice these three steps: First, ask with intent—pause to connect with your conscience and ask, "What's most important right now?" Second, listen without excuse—resist the temptation to rationalize or justify choices that don't align with your deeper values. Third, act with courage—do what you know is right, even when it's difficult or unpopular. This practice of integrity becomes especially powerful when supported by regular renewal in all four dimensions: physical (exercise, nutrition, rest), mental (reading, learning, problem-solving), social (deep relationships, service), and spiritual (meditation, inspiration, connection to purpose). When we're physically exhausted or mentally drained, our ability to make wise choices diminishes. As Vince Lombardi said, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all." By developing the habit of pausing in that space between stimulus and response, we gain the freedom to choose responses that align with our deepest values rather than merely reacting to urgency or pressure. This is the essence of putting first things first.

Chapter 6: Build Synergistic Relationships

True interdependence—working effectively with others to accomplish shared goals—is one of the most powerful ways to increase our impact and quality of life. Yet many of us approach relationships with a win-lose mentality, competing rather than collaborating. This competitive approach severely limits what we can accomplish together. The book illustrates this principle with a simple arm-wrestling exercise. Two participants are instructed to win as many points as possible in 60 seconds, with a point awarded each time one person gets the other's arm down. Most people initially struggle against each other, resulting in few points for either side. However, those who realize they could cooperate—quickly alternating wins—can each earn significantly more points. As one participant observed, "I started out thinking this was an adversarial thing. But then I began to figure out that if we had give-and-take on both sides, we'd both be winners." This exercise reveals a profound truth: in almost all situations, cooperation is far more productive than competition. True win-win thinking isn't about compromise or settling for less; it's about finding solutions that benefit everyone involved. It's based on the abundance mentality—the paradigm that life is ever-expanding and that there are infinite possibilities for mutual gain. The book outlines a three-step process for creating win-win relationships. First, think win-win—genuinely desire mutual benefit in all interactions. Second, seek first to understand, then to be understood—invest in deeply understanding others' perspectives before sharing your own. Third, synergize—value differences and search for third alternatives that are better than what either party could create alone. Stephen Covey shares a powerful example of this process in action. He facilitated a discussion between two people with deeply opposing views on abortion—one pro-life, one pro-choice. Instead of debating, he had them practice these principles: think win-win, seek first to understand, and synergize. After 45 minutes of genuine listening, something remarkable happened. Both participants had tears in their eyes as they recognized the legitimate concerns and values underlying each position. They discovered common ground in prevention, adoption, and education that neither had considered before. To build synergistic relationships in your own life, start by creating clear agreements around five elements: desired results (what you're trying to accomplish), guidelines (parameters within which you're working), resources (what's available to help), accountability (how you'll measure success), and consequences (what happens based on results). These "win-win stewardship agreements" replace traditional "dumping" of tasks with genuine partnership. When disagreements arise, put the problem before you rather than between you. Ask: "What is the problem from the other point of view? What are the key issues involved? What would constitute a fully acceptable solution?" Then brainstorm third alternatives that meet everyone's criteria. By building synergistic relationships, you tap into the combined creativity, energy, and resources of everyone involved. This not only produces better results but also creates deeper, more satisfying connections—truly putting first things first in your relationships.

Chapter 7: Empower Yourself and Others

True empowerment comes from the inside out. Rather than blaming external circumstances or other people for our situation, we must recognize that "anytime we think the problem is 'out there,' that thought is the problem." By focusing on our Circle of Influence—those things we can actually affect—rather than our Circle of Concern, we begin to create positive change from within. Stephen Covey shares the story of a man in lower-level management who desperately wanted to attend an executive training program. Though the program wasn't designed for his level, he persisted until they allowed him to participate. "This man was so proactive, he just took the ball and started running," Covey recalls. "He began to focus on personal and professional growth and enlarging his skill base." Within two years, this man had received multiple promotions and became the number three executive in his organization. He then extended his influence into community service, making an even broader contribution. "I'm convinced you could drop that man naked and penniless anywhere and within a short period of time, he would rise to the top of an organization because he is so proactive, sensitive, and aware," Covey observes. This story illustrates the power of working within your Circle of Influence rather than being consumed by your Circle of Concern. By focusing on what you can change—beginning with yourself—you create an expanding ripple of positive influence that eventually transforms your environment. The book identifies six conditions that create empowerment: trustworthiness (character and competence), trust (the fruit of trustworthiness), clear vision and values (shared purpose and principles), win-win stewardship agreements (mutual understanding and commitment), self-directing individuals and teams (responsibility and initiative), aligned structures and systems (support for empowered action), and accountability (responsibility for results). To cultivate these conditions, start by building your own trustworthiness through developing character (integrity, maturity, abundance mentality) and competence (technical, conceptual, and interdependent skills). Seek and respond to feedback—what the book calls "the lunch of champions." Create clear agreements in your relationships that specify desired results, guidelines, resources, accountability, and consequences. Perhaps most importantly, adopt the mindset of a "leader/servant" rather than a controller. Rebecca Merrill shares how this approach transformed her experience directing young people in a musical production. Instead of telling them what to do, she positioned herself as a resource to help them succeed. "I'm thrilled to be working with you on this," she told the teenage leaders. "My job is to be a resource to you. What would you like me to do?" Though initially surprised by this approach, the young people rose to the challenge, writing the script and music, directing, choreographing, and managing every aspect of the production. The result was not only an outstanding performance but also tremendous growth in confidence and capability for everyone involved. This leader/servant approach represents a fundamental shift from the traditional management paradigm. Rather than controlling methods, you focus on results. Instead of hovering over people, you provide resources and remove obstacles. You hold people accountable for outcomes while giving them freedom to determine how to achieve those outcomes. By empowering yourself and others in this way, you create an expanding cycle of growth, contribution, and fulfillment—truly putting first things first in every dimension of life.

Summary

The essence of putting first things first isn't about managing time more efficiently—it's about leading your life with purpose and principle. Throughout this journey, we've explored how to shift from urgency to importance, identify True North principles, create a personal mission statement, balance roles through weekly planning, act with integrity in the moment, build synergistic relationships, and empower yourself and others. These practices form an integrated approach to creating a life of meaning and contribution. As Emerson wisely noted, "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles." This profound truth reminds us that peace comes not from controlling external circumstances but from aligning our lives with the principles that govern quality of life. Begin today by pausing in that space between stimulus and response to ask, "What's most important now?" Then listen to your conscience and act with courage to put first things first in every moment of choice.

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Stephen R. Covey

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