Get Off Your "But"

Get Off Your "But" Plot Summary

Introduction

In the crowded landscape of motivational speakers and life coaches, Sean Stephenson emerged as a figure whose very presence commanded attention not because of his stature, but despite it. Born with Osteogenesis Imperfecta, a rare genetic disorder that left him with fragile bones and limited height, Sean stood at just three feet tall and used a wheelchair throughout his life. Yet the power of his message and the depth of his impact stretched far beyond any physical limitation. From the moment of his birth in 1979, when doctors predicted he wouldn't survive 24 hours, Sean defied expectations and transformed what many would see as insurmountable obstacles into stepping stones for an extraordinary life. Sean's journey from a child who experienced over 200 bone fractures to becoming a renowned psychotherapist, author, and speaker who counseled presidents and transformed thousands of lives represents one of the most compelling stories of human resilience. His philosophy centered on the revolutionary idea that our limitations exist primarily in our minds—that we all sit on our "BUTS" (his term for fears, excuses, and insecurities) that prevent us from reaching our potential. Through his work, Sean demonstrated that physical challenges often pale in comparison to the mental barriers we construct for ourselves. His life offers profound lessons about the power of connection, self-talk, physical confidence, focused attention, and personal responsibility—principles that can transform any life, regardless of circumstances.

Chapter 1: Born Fragile, Built Resilient: Early Life Struggles

When Sean Stephenson made his entry into the world on May 5, 1979, the sudden silence in the delivery room spoke volumes. The doctors discovered that almost every bone in his tiny body had been crushed by the stress of birth. Diagnosed with Osteogenesis Imperfecta, commonly called brittle bones disorder, doctors told his parents to prepare for the worst: their son would likely die within twenty-four hours. For the first few weeks of his life, Sean was kept immobilized in intensive care, his tiny body encased in a cast, with his arms and legs sticking straight out like "King Tut on his throne." Against all odds, Sean survived. However, his childhood became a constant battle against physical pain and limitation. While other children progressed from crawling to walking, Sean developed his own way of moving—a form of "scootching" that involved alternately shifting his shoulders and rear. He never developed the bone density to support standing or walking, and his legs eventually became permanently bent. By third grade, he had reached his full height of three feet, and would grow no taller. Throughout his childhood, Sean experienced bone fractures with alarming frequency—his family eventually lost count after two hundred breaks. The physical pain, however significant, wasn't the most challenging aspect of Sean's childhood. More difficult was the emotional pain of isolation and difference. He recalls sitting at the window of his classroom, wiping away tears as he watched his friends playing games at recess that his fragile body couldn't handle. Holidays and special occasions were frequently derailed by broken bones, and normal childhood activities often had to be modified or abandoned altogether. Yet Sean's parents refused to treat him as though he were broken or limited. They never thought about him in a negative way, never lost faith in his survival, and never gave up on him. Perhaps the most transformative moment in Sean's early life came when he was nine years old. On Halloween morning—his favorite day of the year because it allowed him to blend in with others who looked different—Sean accidentally broke his femur while rolling excitedly on the floor. In his anguish, he screamed, "WHY ME? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS?" His mother, rather than simply consoling him, asked a profound question: "Sean, is this going to be a gift or a burden?" In that moment, Sean experienced what he describes as a "warm wind of wisdom" that revealed his calling: to teach others how to love life amid pain, just as he had always done. This revelation became the foundation for Sean's future. His mother's wisdom that "pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional" gave him a framework for processing his experiences. Rather than viewing his condition as a curse, Sean began to see it as an opportunity to develop exceptional mental strength. His years in and out of hospitals taught him that there were far more debilitating conditions than his own, fostering in him a profound sense of gratitude for what he did have, rather than resentment for what he lacked.

Chapter 2: Mind Over Matter: Shifting Self-Perception

The language we use to describe ourselves and our experiences shapes our reality more profoundly than most people realize. Sean discovered this truth early in his career when he received a call from a mother whose daughter was being bullied for having webbed fingers. The little girl was coming home from school in tears every day, devastated by classmates who called her "weird" and "different." When Sean spoke to the child, he asked her a simple question: "When people meet you, do they remember you?" After she confirmed they did, he told her, "So then you're not weird, you're not different... you're memorable!" This simple reframing transformed the girl's perspective entirely. Sean came to understand that words are more than just letters squeezed together—they're packages of emotions. The words we choose to describe ourselves and our circumstances can either empower or imprison us. Throughout his life, Sean observed that positive people use positive and uplifting words, while negative people choose negative and cynical words. People who feel victimized speak only in the vocabulary of victims, while those who feel grateful speak only of their gratitude. This 100 percent correlation between word choice and emotional state became central to Sean's approach to therapy and self-improvement. This understanding became especially important when Sean faced his own crisis of self-perception. In seventh grade, he experienced a crushing blow when a girl he was dating broke up with him because her friends said she "shouldn't be dating a guy like him." The note devastated Sean, particularly when he learned that her friends had told her she could "do so much better" than dating "a little guy in a wheelchair." This rejection led Sean to form a limiting belief about himself: "You are flawed. You are a nice guy, BUT that will never be enough for girls to love and want you." This negative self-talk affected his relationships for years afterward. Sean discovered that most people operate from three specific negative language patterns he calls the "BUT triple threat": BUT fears ("BUT what if I fail?"), BUT excuses ("BUT I don't have the time!"), and BUT insecurities ("BUT I'm not attractive enough"). These mental barriers prevent people from pursuing their dreams and living fulfilled lives. Sean realized that a belief is simply a thought that you've convinced yourself is true, and our minds work tirelessly to gather evidence to support those beliefs, even if it means distorting reality. The turning point in Sean's own mental battle came when he decided to stop letting his perception of his physical limitations define his possibilities. He studied under experts in the field of attraction and dating, and discovered that women don't want a man to look a certain way—they want a man to make them feel a certain way. By embracing this truth, Sean was able to transform his dating life completely. He flushed out his insecurities about looking different and matured into a patient man who was secure in his own skin. Eventually, he became so adept at attraction that men from around the world sought his advice. Sean's journey taught him that we don't have to "find" ourselves in life—we create ourselves every moment through our language and what we say to ourselves regularly. By learning to speak to himself with love and respect, Sean became one of the happiest and most peaceful people you could meet. His experience proved that when we change our self-talk, we literally change our lives.

Chapter 3: Connection as a Lifeline: Building Meaningful Relationships

When Sean was ten years old, his family's flight home was canceled, forcing them to stay overnight in Boston. Exhausted, they boarded a hotel shuttle driven by a man who introduced himself as "Boston Bill." Despite his fatigue, Sean engaged with Bill, asking questions and joking around during the short ride. Later that evening, Bill sought Sean out at the hotel restaurant with tears in his eyes. He explained that he had been contemplating suicide that night, but meeting Sean—seeing how happy he was despite his challenges—had put his own problems in perspective and given him hope. This experience puzzled Sean for years until he realized a profound truth: communication is merely an exchange of information, but connection is an exchange of our humanity. This distinction became central to Sean's understanding of human relationships. He observed that we live in a world filled with communication devices—instant messaging, texting, email, cell phones—yet people feel more isolated and lonely than ever. The missing element isn't more ways to exchange information; it's genuine connection. Sean discovered that connection comes into being the moment one person feels that another genuinely cares about them. When this caring energy is mutually experienced, a bond forms that transcends mere communication. Throughout his career, Sean studied the art of connection by observing masters like President Bill Clinton. He identified ten techniques that Clinton used to connect with people: telling stories, making physical contact, remembering names, calling people by name, making deep eye contact, using facial expressions to convey emotional states, calibrating vocal inflections based on rapport, asking for opinions, choosing words wisely, and praising people publicly. Sean observed that Clinton could transform even those who disliked him through what he called "the carwash phenomenon"—they would enter the White House with expressions of disdain but exit looking completely different, as if their scowls had been magically washed away. Sean learned that the most effective way to find common ground with others is by sharing vulnerabilities. While many people work hard to maintain an appearance of "having it all together," genuine connection happens when we admit we don't. He discovered this truth firsthand when speaking at a maximum security prison. Rather than approaching the inmates with fear or judgment, Sean began by saying, "I just want you to know that I respect you... We have something in common. I'm imprisoned by my physical condition, and you're imprisoned by your past. I think we can learn a lot from each other." By finding commonality, Sean was able to forge a connection with men whose lives seemed drastically different from his own. Perhaps the most important lesson Sean learned about connection is that it requires time and attention. Many people claim they're "too busy" to connect, but Sean recognized this as a matter of priorities rather than time. When we don't spend time connecting with friends, family, and colleagues, we end up spending much more time repairing hurt feelings and managing drama. The failure to connect can lead to missed opportunities and negative consequences in every area of life, from romantic relationships to professional success. Sean's life demonstrated that taking the time to authentically connect with others isn't just a nice addition to life—it's essential for happiness and fulfillment.

Chapter 4: Physical Confidence: Embodying Inner Strength

Despite being only three feet tall and using a wheelchair, Sean discovered that physical confidence—how we move, speak, look, and carry ourselves—plays a crucial role in how others perceive us and in building our own sense of self-worth. During his first meeting with Tony Robbins, arranged through the Make-A-Wish Foundation, Sean observed how Robbins' physical presence filled the room. This encounter not only led to health improvements that eliminated Sean's chronic back pain and bone fractures but also introduced him to the concept of physical confidence that would transform his approach to life. Sean came to understand that our mind and body are not separate entities but one integrated system. Whenever something happens to us psychologically, we experience an instantaneous physiological reaction. Conversely, when we introduce any stimulation to the body, we immediately experience an intellectual and emotional response. Scientists have documented this connection through what they call the "brain-gut axis"—the vagus nerve that runs between the brain and digestive system, with 95 percent of the fibers sending messages from the gut to the brain rather than the other way around. This pathway proves that our body has a direct impact on our mind. This understanding became a powerful tool in Sean's therapeutic practice. One client, a man in his late fifties who had never even kissed a woman, arrived at Sean's office with such poor physical confidence that he seemed to be trying to take up as little space as possible on the planet. Sean immediately began working on the man's physiology, having him stretch out his arms, expand his chest, and breathe deeply. The man automatically took up more space in the room, appeared larger, and began to feel larger to himself. By changing how the client sat, moved, breathed, and projected his voice, Sean helped him begin a transformation into the confident person he really was. Sean also worked with a woman who had been sexually abused and came to him unable to sleep for over forty-eight hours. Her body language screamed for help—her eyes bugged out, her body was rigid, and she laughed shrilly for no reason. Sean spent two hours helping her relax her body one muscle group at a time, teaching her to breathe deeply and create a gentle smile. By the end of the session, her tense muscles had released, her body was relaxed, and she was making steady eye contact. The next morning, she left Sean a voice mail thanking him for a great night of sleep. Both cases demonstrated a fundamental principle: if you can shift the body, you can shift the mind. Through his work, Sean identified several key components of physical confidence: relaxing the body, breathing deeply, slowing down blinking, keeping the head up and shoulders back, adopting good posture, using a strong tone of voice, smiling naturally, and maintaining a peaceful demeanor. He also recognized that sensory acuity—the ability to notice microchanges in physiology like pupil dilation, skin flushing, muscle tension, breathing patterns, and lip configuration—allows us to read others' emotional states and monitor our own. Perhaps most surprisingly, Sean discovered that physical confidence plays a crucial role in romantic attraction. Contrary to popular belief, physical appearance matters far less than how we carry ourselves. A tall, conventionally handsome man who projects insecurity through his body language will attract few people, while someone who projects authentic physical confidence will draw others to them regardless of appearance. Sean's own dating life proved this principle—women were attracted to his commanding presence and purposeful movements despite his unconventional physical appearance. Through his journey, Sean demonstrated that true physical confidence comes not from looking a certain way, but from embodying inner strength through every movement we make.

Chapter 5: Focus and Perspective: Choosing What Matters

One summer afternoon in 2002, Sean set out for what he thought would be a brief roll through the park near his home. Instead, he embarked on what would become one of the most life-altering experiences of his life, a profound lesson in the power of focus. As he wheeled down his driveway, Sean noticed a newly built house that was three times the size of his own, with a happy family inside. Immediately, his mood plummeted as he thought, "I'll be happy when I get to live in a house that large." Continuing through the park, he spotted a red Porsche and felt temporary elation imagining himself owning such a car. Then he saw a beautiful young woman jogging past and thought, "I'll be so happy when I'm dating a girl like that." By the time Sean reached the end of the park, his previously good mood had transformed into a tense ball of despair. He had spent the entire time focusing on what he lacked rather than appreciating what he had. In that moment, Sean realized he had completely missed the point of his outing. The weather was perfect, flowers were in full bloom, and most importantly, he was alive—right here, right now. This epiphany taught Sean that our conscious mind can focus on only about seven chunks of data per second, and whatever we choose to illuminate with that mental flashlight determines our emotional state and life direction. Sean's parents had intuitively understood this principle during his childhood. When they caught him feeling sorry for himself, they would bring out an egg timer and say, "If you want to feel sorry for yourself, that's totally okay. However, today you only get fifteen minutes." This simple technique taught Sean to focus intensely on his feelings for a prescribed period and then move on, rather than dwelling indefinitely in self-pity. His father reinforced this lesson during one of these sessions by telling him, "Focus on what you can do and what you do have in your life. You may not be able to play in the NBA, but if you spend your energy getting wealthy, someday you can own an NBA team!" Through his life experiences, Sean discovered that comparing ourselves to others inevitably leads to despair. Whether we perceive ourselves as inferior or superior to others, such comparisons disconnect us from our authentic selves and our genuine path. He also learned the danger of focusing too much on what others think of us. This lesson was driven home during a date when his companion refused to cross the street in pouring rain because she feared people would see her with wet hair. Sean realized he wanted to surround himself with "rain runners"—people willing to take chances on happiness and adventure rather than being paralyzed by others' opinions. Stress management became another area where Sean applied the power of focus. Rather than getting caught up in pressure and fear, he discovered that laughter could transform even the most frustrating situations. When trapped in an elevator because his arms were too short to reach the buttons, Sean initially felt angry and victimized. However, by finding humor in the situation, he was able to relax and wait patiently until someone else called the elevator. This experience taught him that laughter boosts the immune system, exercises muscles, and releases natural pain-relieving chemicals—making it one of the most effective stress relievers available. Perhaps most importantly, Sean came to understand that fairness is an illusion. No one gets less or more than anyone else in life; we just get different opportunities. Though many people viewed Sean as having been dealt a bad hand, he saw his life differently: "I've learned that I'm much stronger than people think—and much stronger than I once thought. The world is as open to me as it is to everyone else. In my opinion, I live the life of a rock star—and I wouldn't trade it for the world." By focusing on gratitude rather than grievances, Sean transformed what others perceived as limitations into a life of extraordinary achievement and joy.

Chapter 6: Creating Your A-Team: The Power of Surrounding Support

One of the most transformative insights Sean discovered came from a conversation with successful entrepreneur Gary Coxe. When Sean asked Gary to share his most valuable advice for success, Gary replied simply, "Be careful who you complain to." This puzzling response led Sean to a profound realization: the people we surround ourselves with have a tremendous impact on our lives. Just as a goldfish swimming in a tank of diseased water inevitably becomes sick, humans hanging out in toxic peer groups eventually become toxic themselves. When we place ourselves in an environment, we eventually become the environment. This understanding led Sean to develop what he called the "Pit Crew Theory of Friendship." While watching auto racing on television, he noticed how high-performance race cars had dedicated teams of mechanics and technicians who helped get them back on track at optimal effectiveness. Sean realized people need similar support systems—and that having the wrong people on your "pit crew" could be disastrous. He identified three types of problematic friends to avoid: takers (who selfishly use your resources), drainers (who bring drama and negativity into your life), and destroyers (who actually get a thrill out of damaging your dreams, opportunities, and well-being). Sean learned to categorize his friends into three groups: A Friends (those he Always wanted to be around), B Friends (those he wanted to Be careful of), and C Friends (those he wanted to say "C ya later!" to). This ranking had nothing to do with how much he liked or loved an individual—it simply described the amount of time he could afford to spend in that person's company. A Friends were genuine supporters who would pick him up when he was down and join him in making healthy choices. B Friends were inconsistent, sometimes positive and sometimes negative. C Friends were extreme takers, drainers, and destroyers who consistently degraded his quality of life. The value of A Friends became crystal clear to Sean during a personal crisis. After completing an intense psychology training course, Sean ignored the instructor's warning to take it easy and instead went to a party with two friends, John and Jeremy. Within minutes, Sean began experiencing severe anxiety as all his insecurities surfaced. Without complaint, his friends immediately left the party and sat with him in the car as he broke down sobbing uncontrollably. They offered no judgment, asked how they could help, and kept his confidence afterward. This was A Friend behavior at its finest—supporting him through vulnerability rather than shaming him for it. Sean came to understand that making connections with high-quality people requires becoming a high-quality person yourself. He promised to bring specific qualities to his A Friends: a hunger for knowledge, willingness to run in the rain, pursuit of making the world better, trust in intuition, honesty, loyalty, enthusiasm, resilience, tolerance, and wisdom in knowing when to praise, critique, console, or surrender. By embodying these qualities himself, Sean attracted similar people into his life, creating a support system that helped him overcome challenges and achieve his goals. Through his work as a therapist, Sean encountered many people who felt lonely and friendless. He realized that this isolation wasn't accidental but resulted from putting up walls that prevented others from getting close. By helping clients forgive those who had hurt them and open themselves to new connections, Sean showed them that friendship is about trusting another person enough to know that your dreams are supported and safe in their presence. His own life demonstrated that with the right pit crew, even the most daunting obstacles can be overcome.

Chapter 7: Taking Responsibility: Owning Your Life Path

In October 2007, Sean flew to San Francisco to perform his friend John's wedding ceremony. The night before the wedding, Sean began experiencing intense abdominal pain that eventually sent him to the emergency room. As the pain escalated to unbearable levels, a nurse asked if he would like her to contact a priest. In that moment, Sean believed he might be dying, and his consciousness retreated into what he described as "the theater of my mind." There, he witnessed a slideshow of his entire life—from the nurses who dubbed him King Tut in the delivery room to all the people he had loved, taught, and connected with throughout his years. Following this life review came what Sean called a "horror movie"—scenes of all the projects and ideas he had wanted to pursue but had never gotten around to. He found himself crying out, "I WANT ANOTHER CHANCE! Please, I swear, I'll take responsibility for all my screwups and make more out of my life." When Sean regained full consciousness, he learned he was suffering from a kidney stone. After the stone passed and the pain subsided, he felt like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas morning—elated to have more time to pursue his dreams and fulfill his potential. This near-death experience crystallized for Sean what he called the "Freedom Formula": C > E, where C stands for Cause and E stands for Effect. He realized that each person lives on one side or the other of this formula. Those living at Cause take full responsibility for everything they have attracted into their life—both good and bad. Those living at Effect have a pile of "reasons" (excuses in fancy packaging) for why they don't have what they want in life. The more we blame others, the weaker we get, and the further we travel from what we most desire. Sean illustrated this principle to a client who had been severely abused as a child. When she asked if he was saying she was at fault for her father's abuse, Sean clarified: "This isn't a matter of being at fault for being abused. This is a matter of being responsible for how you act in response to those events now." To help her understand, he took her to a field littered with trash and asked her to clean it up. After an hour and a half of picking up other people's garbage, she suddenly exclaimed, "I GOT IT!" She realized that even though others may litter in our yard, it is our responsibility to clean it up. If we don't clean our own yard, no one else will. Taking responsibility doesn't mean feeling guilty or ashamed of past experiences—it means understanding that we are responsible for our actions and owning how our life has transpired. Self-pity, which Sean compared to an addictive drug, must be abandoned to live at Cause. When we put down our "pity pipe," we may initially feel the anger, sadness, or confusion that pity has been dulling, but it's the only way to truly own our life and begin creating the future we desire. Sean's own turning point came when he stopped blaming outside forces for his business difficulties and started taking action. After hearing mentor Larry Winget tell a crowd, "The economy doesn't suck—you suck!" Sean realized he had been using his creativity to develop problems rather than solutions. Once he stopped talking about action and started taking action, everything turned around. Not overnight, but through what he called the "wheel-catching moment"—the time delay between turning the steering wheel and the tires heading in a new direction. By taking full responsibility for his life, Sean became immune to the "BUT it's not fair" disease. He came to see everything that happened as either a reward for his effort or a learning experience for a course correction. This perspective allowed him to feel deserving of his successes while viewing challenges as valuable lessons. Rather than seeing life as a chaotic game of chance, Sean recognized it as a beautiful structure of opportunities that he brought into existence through his choices and actions. His journey demonstrates that when we take responsibility for our path, we gain the power to transform our limitations into our greatest strengths.

Summary

Sean Stephenson's extraordinary journey from a fragile infant with brittle bones to a world-renowned psychotherapist, speaker, and agent of transformation embodies a universal truth: our greatest limitations exist not in our bodies or circumstances, but in our minds. Through his life and teachings, Sean demonstrated that getting off our "BUTS"—the fears, excuses, and insecurities we use to justify inaction—is the most powerful step we can take toward creating the life we desire. His approach wasn't about denying real challenges but about refusing to let them define what's possible. Instead of asking "Why me?" when faced with obstacles, Sean learned to ask "What can I do with this?" Perhaps the most valuable lesson from Sean's life is that we always have a choice in how we respond to our circumstances. We can choose to connect authentically with others rather than isolate ourselves. We can speak to ourselves with kindness rather than criticism. We can project physical confidence regardless of our actual appearance. We can focus on what we have rather than what we lack. We can surround ourselves with people who lift us up rather than drag us down. And most importantly, we can take full responsibility for our lives rather than blaming others for our challenges. Sean's legacy invites us all to examine the "BUTS" that hold us back and to recognize that in releasing them, we discover not just freedom from limitation, but the exhilarating possibility of transformation.

About Author

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Sean Stephenson

Dr. Sean Stephenson was predicted not to survive at birth because of a rare bone disorder that stunted his growth and caused his bones to be extremely fragile.Despite his challenges, he took a stand for a quality of life that has inspired millions of people around the world including Sir Richard Branson, President Clinton, and his Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. Dr. Stephenson has appeared on everything from Oprah to Jimmy Kimmel, in addition to online videos with millions of views. The Biography Channel did an hour feature on his life called “Three Foot Giant.”Dr. Stephenson’s message has been heard at live events in over 15 countries and 47 states over the past 21 years. His latest book, Get Off Your But, has been released in ten different languages around the world.As a board-certified therapist, Dr. Stephenson sees clients in a unique 12-hour session to enhance their confidence and speaking ability. He also hosts $10K Speeches, a live event and Mastermind, training professionals to command $10K+ speaking engagements. He and his wife, Mindie Kniss, reside in Scottsdale, Arizona.

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