Get Out of Your Own Way

Get Out of Your Own Way Plot Summary

Introduction

We all have moments when we feel stuck, unable to move forward despite our best intentions. These moments often stem not from external barriers, but from the limitations we place upon ourselves. The voice in our head that whispers "you can't" or "you're not good enough" becomes the very obstacle preventing us from reaching our potential. These self-imposed limitations are like invisible chains, binding us to mediocrity when greatness lies just beyond our self-constructed walls. What makes these limitations so powerful is that we often don't recognize them as choices. We mistake our limiting beliefs for absolute truths about ourselves and the world. But what if these "truths" were actually lies? What if the very stories that have defined your capabilities, your worth, and your potential were simply narratives you've accepted without question? This journey of breaking free begins with recognizing these limitations for what they truly are - not immutable facts, but perspectives that can be challenged, reframed, and ultimately overcome.

Chapter 1: Recognize Your Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs are the silent saboteurs of our potential. They operate beneath our conscious awareness, shaping our decisions and actions without our permission. These beliefs aren't facts about reality; they're interpretations we've accepted as truth, often formed during childhood or after painful experiences. The first step toward freedom is identifying these beliefs for what they are. Dave Hollis, former Disney executive, shares how his own limiting beliefs nearly derailed his life and career. Despite outward success as president of distribution at Disney, he found himself increasingly unfulfilled. The movies were breaking records, he had the perfect team, and was surrounded by talented storytellers and actors. Yet he describes this period as "the low point of my professional career." The disconnect between his external success and internal emptiness created a crisis that forced him to examine the beliefs holding him back. The breakthrough came when Hollis realized he had equated his work with his identity. "I can be a good man regardless of where I work, but where I work and what I do does not in and of itself make me a good man," he writes. This limiting belief - that his worth was tied to his title and company - had kept him trapped in a role that no longer served his growth. The fear of losing his identity prevented him from pursuing what might truly fulfill him. Identifying your own limiting beliefs requires honest self-reflection. Start by examining areas where you feel stuck or dissatisfied. Listen for absolute statements you make about yourself: "I'm not creative," "I could never speak in public," or "I'm just not good with money." These statements reveal the boundaries you've placed around your potential. Question their origins: Where did this belief come from? What evidence supports it? What evidence contradicts it? Remember that recognizing limiting beliefs isn't about self-criticism but self-awareness. Each belief identified is not a failure but an opportunity for growth. As Hollis discovered, sometimes our most deeply held beliefs about ourselves are simply stories we've accepted without question. By bringing these beliefs into the light, we can begin to examine them objectively and decide whether they serve our highest good. The process of identifying limiting beliefs continues throughout life. Even after making significant changes, new limitations may emerge in different contexts. The key is developing the habit of questioning your assumptions about what's possible for you. When you catch yourself saying "I can't" or "I'm not the kind of person who," pause and ask: "Is that really true, or is it just a story I've been telling myself?"

Chapter 2: Reframe Your Relationship with Failure

Our perception of failure often becomes one of our most debilitating limitations. Many of us have internalized the belief that failure reflects our worth or abilities, rather than seeing it as an essential part of growth. This mindset transforms temporary setbacks into permanent judgments about ourselves, keeping us trapped in patterns of avoidance and safety. Hollis shares a powerful story about his oldest son, Jackson, who came to him asking for advice about running for president of his elementary school class. Having run for class president twice himself and lost both times, Hollis had firsthand experience with this particular type of disappointment. When Jackson asked, "What if I lose?" Hollis responded with a perspective-shifting question: "So what if you lose?!" This simple reframe challenged the assumption that losing would be catastrophic. Jackson ultimately did lose the election despite putting everything into his campaign. While initially difficult to process, this experience became a teaching moment about the true nature of failure. Hollis used this opportunity to impart crucial lessons: "Failing at something doesn't make you a failure," "You never lose when you fail; you only learn from the experience," and "The best growth comes from learning from things you fail at." These principles helped transform what could have been merely a disappointing outcome into a valuable growth experience. This reframing of failure connects to what psychologist Carol Dweck calls mindset. Hollis explains that there are two types of people: those with a fixed mindset who believe their talents and abilities are predetermined, and those with a growth mindset who believe they can develop their abilities through effort and learning. The fixed mindset sees failure as confirmation of limitations, while the growth mindset sees it as information and opportunity. To reframe your relationship with failure, start by examining your self-talk after setbacks. Do you make global statements about your worth or abilities? Replace "I'm a failure" with "That approach didn't work." Next, actively look for the lesson in each setback. Ask yourself: "What can I learn from this? How might this prepare me for future success?" Finally, celebrate your willingness to take risks, regardless of outcome. The courage to try is itself a success. Hollis ultimately applied this reframed relationship with failure to his own life, leaving the security of Disney to join his wife's company - a move that placed him squarely in the path of potential failure. "I know with absolute certainty that, on the whole, we're going to succeed," he writes. "I know with that same degree of certainty that because I've leaped into something I don't know how to do, I'm most likely going to fail on an hourly basis here at the beginning." This embrace of failure as a pathway to growth exemplifies the mindset shift required to break free from self-imposed limitations.

Chapter 3: Build Intentional Daily Habits

Habits form the foundation of our lives, yet most operate beneath our conscious awareness. These automatic behaviors, thoughts, and responses shape our reality more powerfully than our occasional bursts of motivation or inspiration. Breaking free from self-imposed limitations requires recognizing that our daily habits either reinforce our boundaries or help us transcend them. Hollis describes how his own unconscious habits were keeping him stuck in patterns that didn't serve his growth. In a particularly vulnerable admission, he shares his struggle with alcohol: "Drinking was a lonely, shameful part of my life. I drank alone. I drank more than anyone knew. I drank vodka so people couldn't smell it on my breath." This habit, which began as a way to cope with anxiety and stress, gradually became an anchor that "crushed my motivation" and affected his relationships, including his marriage. The turning point came through his wife Rachel's direct confrontation: "You want to get anxiety under control? Do the work. You want to drink less? Take it seriously. Get a plan. Stop before you have too much." This wake-up call forced Hollis to examine the habit that was limiting his potential and happiness. He realized that his coping mechanism was actually preventing the growth he needed. "You can't numb the pain without numbing the joy," he writes. "It is impossible to close off your anxiety without also eliminating the growth that comes from fully experiencing discomfort." Building intentional habits starts with awareness of your current patterns. Hollis recommends identifying your triggers - the cues that prompt your automatic responses. These typically fall into five categories: location, time, emotional state, other people, or immediately preceding actions. For Hollis, pulling into the driveway after work was a location trigger for drinking, while feeling insecure was an emotional trigger for using humor as a defense mechanism. Once you've identified your triggers, the next step is creating new routines to replace the limiting ones. Hollis committed to a complete lifestyle change, adding "a healthy eating plan, put together a gym in our garage, and committed to workouts or running every single day." He also built in accountability by talking openly with friends, family, and mentors about his decision to make healthier choices. The power of intentional habits lies in their compound effect over time. Hollis reports that after five months without alcohol, he experienced greater focus, productivity, engagement with his family, improved physical health, and better intimacy with his wife. Most importantly, he proved to himself that he could overcome what had seemed impossible, creating a foundation of confidence for future challenges: "Now that I know I can do the impossible, I believe I can do anything." Remember that building new habits requires patience and persistence. Start small, focus on consistency rather than perfection, and surround yourself with people who support your growth. As Hollis discovered, the discomfort of changing habits is temporary, but the freedom and fulfillment that result can transform your entire life.

Chapter 4: Create Powerful Personal Boundaries

Boundaries define where we end and others begin. They protect our energy, values, and wellbeing while clarifying our relationships with others. Many of us struggle with self-imposed limitations because we lack effective boundaries, allowing external demands and others' expectations to dictate our choices and identity. Hollis shares his journey of learning to set boundaries through the challenging experience of foster care and adoption. He and his wife embarked on a five-year adoption journey that included fostering twin babies who were ultimately reunited with their biological family. This heartbreaking experience tested their resilience and forced Hollis to reconsider his role as a "fixer" in his family. "For me, I've tended to be a peacekeeper by nature," Hollis writes, "and keeping the peace, managing expectations so people aren't let down, alleviating pain when it comes up... those are my jobs. At least I thought they were." This belief that he needed to protect his family from all discomfort had become a limitation that prevented growth - both his own and his family's. When the twins were removed from their home, the pain was immense, but Hollis came to a profound realization: "As much as I never want to live through the end of 2016 again, I find myself grateful. I'm happy I didn't find a way to keep the painful things from happening." Creating powerful boundaries begins with clarity about your values and priorities. Hollis had to recognize that his value as a husband and father wasn't dependent on preventing pain, but on supporting growth through challenges. This shift allowed him to set boundaries around his responsibility to "fix" everything, creating space for his family members to develop their own resilience. Implementing boundaries requires direct communication. When Hollis realized he couldn't shield his family from every hardship, he had to communicate this shift to his wife and children. Rather than trying to prevent discomfort, he focused on being present during difficult times, offering support without taking responsibility for others' emotions or outcomes. Maintaining boundaries often means tolerating discomfort - both your own and others'. When Hollis stopped trying to fix everything, he had to sit with the discomfort of seeing his loved ones struggle. Yet this discomfort ultimately led to greater growth for everyone involved. "Much of what my kids need to become the people they are meant to be requires them to endure things they may not like," he writes. "And being a good partner to my wife isn't exclusively about preventing discomfort, but standing alongside her when she goes through a hard time." The paradox of boundaries is that they create freedom rather than restriction. By clarifying what is and isn't your responsibility, you free yourself from the impossible burden of controlling everything. As Hollis discovered, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is allow others to face challenges that will help them grow, while remaining a supportive presence throughout the process.

Chapter 5: Cultivate Growth-Focused Relationships

The people we surround ourselves with profoundly shape our beliefs about what's possible. Our closest relationships either expand our vision of potential or reinforce our limitations. Breaking free from self-imposed boundaries requires intentionally cultivating connections that support growth rather than stagnation. Hollis vividly illustrates this principle through his experience transitioning from Disney to working with his wife Rachel at their company. This shift challenged his identity as the primary breadwinner and forced him to confront insecurities about his value in the relationship. "My identity has in part been grounded in her need for me and the provision that comes from my salary," he admits. "Now that she is the primary earner for our family, now that she doesn't need me, will she still want me?" This fear revealed a limiting belief that his worth in relationships was tied to what he could provide rather than who he was. Hollis realized he had approached many relationships, including friendships, with a transactional mindset: "I was thinking that if I could provide people with things, or access, or both, then they would want to be in relationship with me." This approach left him questioning the authenticity of his connections and feeling resentful. The transformation began when Hollis recognized that true connection comes from being valued for who you are, not what you provide. "Whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, a connection based on need and not want isn't a real relationship," he writes. "Contingent love isn't real love." This insight allowed him to build more authentic connections based on mutual growth rather than dependency or transaction. Cultivating growth-focused relationships starts with honest assessment. Hollis suggests making "a list of the people in their lives who don't support their next-level vision of themselves." This isn't about judgment but clarity. Consider how each significant relationship in your life either fuels your growth or reinforces your limitations. Do certain people consistently discourage your ambitions or make you feel smaller? Do others challenge you to expand your vision of what's possible? Next, invest intentionally in relationships that support your growth. Hollis and his wife prioritize their relationship through weekly date nights and regular vacations without their children. They also commit to honest feedback, even when uncomfortable. When Rachel noticed Dave wasn't fully engaging in his CEO role, she sent him a challenging email that he describes as "magic" despite how difficult it was to receive: "It felt like shit in the moment, but dang it, it did the job." Finally, be willing to adjust relationship boundaries when necessary. Hollis doesn't advocate cutting people out entirely but suggests being strategic about influence: "It's okay to have a beer with a buddy who's not driven, but it has to happen with an eyes-wide-open understanding that, while Brad may have been loads of fun to roll around town with in high school because he had that rad truck, he's not the guy you'll turn to when it comes to creating the life of your dreams." Remember that growth-focused relationships involve reciprocity. As you seek people who elevate you, consider how you can support others' growth as well. The most powerful connections are those where both parties continually inspire each other to expand beyond perceived limitations.

Chapter 6: Embrace Discomfort as a Path to Growth

Comfort and growth rarely coexist. Our natural tendency to seek ease and avoid pain often becomes the very limitation that prevents us from evolving into our fullest potential. Breaking free requires not just tolerating discomfort but actively embracing it as the necessary pathway to transformation. Hollis confronts this reality when transitioning from his established career at Disney to the unfamiliar territory of a startup environment at his wife's company. Despite his extensive leadership experience, he found himself struggling with imposter syndrome and clinging to familiar strategies that no longer served the new context. "I'd been incredibly successful doing what I knew for so long that I questioned my ability to do well when circumstances required me to learn and do new things," he admits. This discomfort came to a head when Rachel challenged his approach in an email that forced him to confront his resistance to growth: "You seem to be doing what you know instead of asking questions, trying to learn, and growing in the areas you aren't as strong." This confrontation, though painful, catalyzed a crucial insight: "The things that got me here will not be the things that get me, our marriage, our kids, or our company where we need to go." Embracing discomfort as a path to growth begins with recognizing that discomfort itself is not the enemy. Hollis came to understand that "a life of growth means a life of exhilarating discomfort. That's the actual plan." This perspective shift transforms discomfort from something to avoid into a signpost that you're moving in the right direction. The practical application involves deliberately seeking experiences that challenge your comfort zone. For Hollis, this meant "rolling up my sleeves and doing the work" rather than operating from a distance as he had in previous leadership roles. It meant asking questions even when it revealed his inexperience, and letting go of the need to appear as though he had all the answers. Creating a practice of embracing discomfort might include setting regular challenges for yourself - physical, intellectual, or social - that push your perceived boundaries. Hollis describes how after changing his relationship with alcohol, he began pursuing physical challenges like climbing "29,029 vertical feet in a weekend" and finishing his "first marathon." These experiences reinforced his new understanding that "the need to numb drastically reduces when you actually believe growth is supposed to be uncomfortable." The paradox of embracing discomfort is that it ultimately leads to greater peace and fulfillment. When you no longer fear discomfort, you free yourself from the limitations of avoidance. As Hollis discovered, "In that taste of misery, there's power." By facing his fears and embracing the uncertainty of his new role, he found not just professional success but a deeper sense of purpose and alignment. Remember that embracing discomfort doesn't mean seeking suffering for its own sake. Rather, it means recognizing that temporary discomfort is often the price of meaningful growth. As Hollis concludes, "Choose discomfort over coping. Choose growth over the unhealthy things that are going to keep you in your own way. It won't be easy. It will be worth it."

Summary

Breaking free from self-imposed limitations is not a single event but a continuous journey of awareness, choice, and action. Throughout this exploration, we've discovered that our greatest barriers often exist within our own minds - in the limiting beliefs we accept without question, our fear of failure, our unconscious habits, our boundary issues, our relationships, and our avoidance of discomfort. The path to freedom begins with recognizing these internal constraints and consciously choosing a different way forward. As Dave Hollis powerfully reminds us, "You create the limits for what's possible in your life. You decide. You choose that reality." This fundamental truth places both the responsibility and the power squarely in our hands. No matter what limitations you've accepted in the past, you have the ability to rewrite those stories and expand the boundaries of what you believe possible. Start today by identifying just one limiting belief that has held you back, challenge its validity, and take one small action that defies its constraints. Remember that breaking free isn't about perfection but progress - each step beyond your comfort zone expands your capacity for growth and fulfillment in ways you might never have imagined possible.

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Dave Hollis

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