How to Be a Stoic

How to Be a Stoic Plot Summary

Introduction

Life presents us with countless challenges, from minor irritations to profound losses. In these moments, we often find ourselves caught in a whirlwind of emotions, reacting impulsively rather than responding thoughtfully. What if there was an ancient philosophy that could help us navigate these turbulent waters with greater tranquility and purpose? Stoicism offers a practical framework for living well in an unpredictable world. Far from the popular misconception of emotionless endurance, Stoic wisdom teaches us to distinguish between what we can and cannot control, to develop virtuous character, and to find freedom in accepting reality while working to improve it. Through timeless principles and practical exercises, this ancient philosophy provides modern seekers with tools to face adversity with courage, cultivate meaningful relationships, and ultimately, embrace our mortality as part of a well-lived life.

Chapter 1: Distinguish What You Can Control

At the heart of Stoic philosophy lies a fundamental distinction that can transform how we approach every situation in life: some things are within our control, and others are not. This simple yet profound insight serves as the cornerstone for developing tranquility in a chaotic world. Epictetus, a former slave who became one of Stoicism's greatest teachers, opens his Handbook with this very principle: "Some things are up to us, and some things are not up to us. Our opinions, impulses, desires, aversions—in short, whatever is our own doing. Our bodies are not up to us, nor are our possessions, our reputations, or our public offices." This dichotomy of control isn't merely philosophical theory—it's a practical tool for everyday sanity. Consider James Stockdale, a Navy pilot shot down over Vietnam who spent seven years as a prisoner of war. When asked who didn't survive captivity, Stockdale replied, "Oh, that's easy, the optimists." He explained that those who believed they'd be released by Christmas, then Easter, then Thanksgiving, died of broken hearts when these self-imposed deadlines passed. Stockdale, applying Stoic principles he had learned from Epictetus, focused instead on what he could control: his own responses, his dignity, and his commitment to his fellow prisoners. This approach helped him endure torture, isolation, and uncertainty. The practical application of this principle begins with examining our reactions to events. When something upsets us—a flight delay, a critical comment, or even serious illness—we can pause to ask: "Is this within my control?" If not, we practice acceptance rather than resistance. This doesn't mean passive resignation but rather a clear-eyed assessment of where our energy is best directed. To implement this distinction in your life, start with small daily irritations. When caught in traffic, recognize that while you cannot control the flow of vehicles, you can control your response—perhaps using the time to listen to an audiobook or practice mindfulness. Gradually apply this framework to larger challenges, always returning to the question: "What aspect of this situation can I influence, and what must I accept?" Remember that this practice requires constant renewal. As Epictetus advised, we must continually examine our impressions, asking of each one: "Are you something that is up to me, or not up to me?" With time, this distinction becomes second nature, freeing us from unnecessary suffering and directing our energy toward what truly matters.

Chapter 2: Practice Rational Acceptance

Rational acceptance is not passive resignation but an active engagement with reality as it is, rather than as we wish it to be. This Stoic practice involves acknowledging facts without emotional distortion, then responding with wisdom rather than reactivity. It's about seeing clearly so we can act effectively. Marcus Aurelius, the philosopher-emperor, practiced this discipline daily. In his personal journal, later published as "Meditations," he wrote reminders to himself about accepting the nature of things: "When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly." This wasn't pessimism but preparation—by accepting human nature realistically, he could respond with patience rather than surprise and frustration. Consider how Epictetus applied this principle when his iron lamp was stolen. Instead of raging against the theft, he reasoned: "I lost a lamp because in the matter of vigilance the thief was a stronger man than I. But he bought his lamp for this price: for a lamp he became a thief, for a lamp he broke his faith, for a lamp he became a brute." Epictetus recognized both the reality of the situation and its proper value. The next day, he simply replaced it with an earthenware lamp, demonstrating how rational acceptance leads to practical solutions rather than emotional turmoil. To practice rational acceptance, begin by distinguishing facts from judgments. When facing a challenging situation, first identify the bare facts: "My flight is delayed by three hours." Then notice any judgments you've added: "This is terrible! My whole trip is ruined!" Finally, replace catastrophic interpretations with more accurate ones: "This is inconvenient but not catastrophic. I can use this time to read or rest." The next step involves the Stoic technique of "the view from above"—mentally stepping back to see your situation in broader context. When frustrated by a minor setback, imagine viewing it from increasingly wider perspectives: your whole life, your community, humanity, the cosmos. This exercise helps calibrate our emotional responses to match the true significance of events. Remember that rational acceptance doesn't mean approving of everything that happens. The Stoics distinguished between accepting reality and endorsing it. We can acknowledge that injustice exists while working to correct it, accept illness while seeking treatment, recognize loss while honoring grief. The wisdom lies in knowing that our effectiveness begins with seeing clearly what is.

Chapter 3: Develop Virtuous Character

For the Stoics, developing virtuous character wasn't just one aspect of a good life—it was the good life itself. They believed that virtue (aretē in Greek) is the only true good, while everything else—wealth, health, reputation, even life itself—are "indifferents" that can be preferred but should never compromise our integrity. The Stoics identified four cardinal virtues that form the foundation of excellent character: wisdom (making good decisions), courage (doing the right thing despite fear), justice (treating others fairly), and temperance (exercising moderation and self-control). These virtues aren't separate qualities but different expressions of the same underlying excellence. Cato the Younger exemplified this commitment to virtue above all else. As a Roman senator opposing Julius Caesar's dictatorship, Cato maintained his principles even when it cost him everything. When Caesar's forces defeated the republican army, Cato chose suicide rather than surrender his freedom to a tyrant. While his end was dramatic, it was his daily consistency that truly demonstrated Stoic virtue—he lived simply despite his wealth, walked barefoot in harsh weather to build endurance, and refused bribes when everyone around him accepted them. To develop virtuous character in your own life, begin with the Stoic practice of the evening review. Each night, reflect on your day's actions: "What did I do well? Where did I fall short? How might I improve tomorrow?" This practice, recommended by Epictetus and Seneca, builds self-awareness and encourages incremental improvement. Next, identify role models who embody the virtues you wish to develop. The Stoics regularly contemplated exemplary figures, asking themselves, "What would Socrates do?" in challenging situations. Choose mentors—historical, contemporary, or personal—whose character inspires you, and mentally consult them when facing ethical dilemmas. The most powerful method for character development is practicing virtue in increasingly challenging circumstances. Start with small tests—keeping your temper in minor frustrations, telling the truth when a small lie would be easier, or choosing the harder right over the easier wrong. As your "virtue muscles" strengthen, you'll be prepared for greater challenges. Remember that character isn't built in moments of crisis but in daily habits and small choices. As Epictetus taught, "Every day and night keep thoughts like these at hand—write them, read them aloud, talk to yourself and others about them."

Chapter 4: Face Adversity with Courage

Adversity is inevitable in human life, but our response to it is not. Stoicism offers powerful tools for facing hardship with courage, transforming obstacles into opportunities for growth and demonstrating that our freedom lies not in external circumstances but in our internal response. James Stockdale, whom we encountered earlier, provides one of the most compelling modern examples of Stoic courage under extreme adversity. As a prisoner of war in Vietnam, he was repeatedly tortured and kept in solitary confinement for years. Stockdale later wrote that Epictetus's teachings saved his life: "I never left my room without saying to myself, 'I may never see this place again'... Epictetus said, 'Make it your study to face death with a cheerful mind.'" This Stoic preparation allowed him to maintain dignity and leadership even in brutal conditions. Stockdale applied the Stoic principle of "premeditation of evils" (praemeditatio malorum), mentally rehearsing worst-case scenarios to diminish their power. When his captors demanded propaganda statements, he was prepared to resist—even breaking his own face with a stool to make himself unusable for propaganda photographs. Yet his courage wasn't just physical; it was moral. He established a code of conduct for fellow prisoners and took punishments upon himself to protect others. To develop this kind of resilience, begin practicing the Stoic exercise of voluntary discomfort. Deliberately experience mild hardships—cold showers, fasting for a day, sleeping on the floor—to remind yourself that discomfort is tolerable and that your wellbeing depends more on internal resources than external comforts. As Seneca advised, "Set aside now and then a number of days during which you will be content with the plainest of food, and very little of it, and with rough, coarse clothing, and will ask yourself: 'Is this what one used to dread?'" When facing actual adversity, apply the Stoic technique of framing difficulties as training. Marcus Aurelius wrote: "The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way." Ask yourself: "How might this challenge be an opportunity to practice virtue? What strength might I develop through this experience?" Remember that Stoic courage isn't about suppressing emotions but about channeling them productively. It's normal to feel fear, grief, or anger—but the Stoic pauses before acting on these emotions, asking what virtue requires in this moment. As Epictetus taught, "Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens."

Chapter 5: Cultivate Meaningful Relationships

Despite their reputation for emotional detachment, the Stoics placed tremendous importance on human relationships. They viewed humans as inherently social beings whose purpose includes contributing to the common good and treating others with justice and compassion. Their approach to relationships balances deep care for others with the understanding that we cannot control them. Hierocles, a Stoic philosopher, described our social connections as a series of concentric circles, with the self at the center, followed by immediate family, extended family, fellow citizens, and ultimately all humanity. He taught that moral development involves "contracting the circles"—treating those in outer circles more like those in inner ones, extending our natural care for family to encompass wider humanity. Epictetus demonstrated this principle when counseling a distraught father who had fled his daughter's sickbed because he couldn't bear to see her suffering. Through careful questioning, Epictetus helped the man see that true love isn't just emotional attachment but includes standing by loved ones in difficult times. "Would you have liked," he asked, "if you were ill, your relations and everyone else, even your wife and children, to show their affection for you in such a way as to leave you alone and desolate?" To cultivate meaningful relationships in the Stoic tradition, begin by distinguishing between what you can and cannot control in your interactions. You cannot control others' opinions, choices, or feelings, but you can control your own virtue—your honesty, kindness, fairness, and loyalty. Focus on being worthy of friendship rather than demanding particular responses from others. Practice the Stoic discipline of assent in your relationships by examining your impressions before reacting. When someone's behavior upsets you, pause to question your interpretation: "Am I certain they intended harm? Might there be circumstances I don't understand?" This prevents unnecessary conflicts based on misunderstandings. Remember that the Stoics distinguished between different types of relationships. Aristotle (whom the Stoics respected despite disagreements) identified friendships of utility, pleasure, and virtue—with only the last being truly valuable. Prioritize relationships based on mutual growth in virtue, while maintaining appropriate boundaries in more casual connections. Above all, practice what Seneca called "Stoic love"—caring deeply for others while accepting that you cannot control their fate. Love people without trying to possess them, support them without enabling harmful behavior, and prepare yourself for the possibility of loss without loving less deeply because of that risk.

Chapter 6: Embrace Death as Part of Life

For the Stoics, confronting mortality wasn't morbid but liberating. By accepting death as a natural part of life, we can live more fully in the present, appreciate what we have, and focus on what truly matters. This practice transforms how we experience both life and its inevitable end. Seneca, writing to his friend Lucilius, observed: "We die every day. For every day some part of life is taken away, and even when we grow, our life is on the wane." Rather than seeing this as depressing, Seneca viewed it as motivation to use time wisely: "Put everything in order as if you were preparing for death. Then you will lack nothing." Epictetus approached death with his characteristic directness and humor. When asked about dying, he replied: "I must die. Must I then die lamenting? I must be put in chains. Must I then also lament? I must go into exile. Does any man then hinder me from going with smiles and cheerfulness and contentment?" When a student expressed fear of death, Epictetus asked simply: "Is death something terrible? No. It is the opinion about death that it is terrible which is the terrible thing." To incorporate this Stoic perspective into your life, begin with the practice of memento mori—remembering that you are mortal. The Stoics used various methods: Marcus Aurelius reminded himself, "You could leave life right now"; Epictetus advised contemplating the impermanence of loved ones; some kept symbols like skulls as reminders. This practice isn't meant to induce anxiety but to sharpen appreciation and clarify priorities. Next, practice the Stoic technique of viewing death as natural. Epictetus compared human life to ripening grain: "When the grain is ripened and the ear bends, it is a sign that the harvest is ready; so when [a person's life] is complete, it is right that it should depart." Regularly reflect on your place in the natural cycle of all living things. Consider also the Stoic view of what matters at life's end. It isn't longevity but virtue that constitutes a good life. Epictetus taught that when facing death, we should be able to say: "I have not dishonored the faculties with which I was endowed... I have not used my powers of perception or assent or desire contrary to nature." Remember that Stoic acceptance of death doesn't mean passive resignation to preventable suffering. The Stoics distinguished between natural processes and unnecessary harm, advocating for appropriate medical care while maintaining equanimity about ultimate outcomes. Their wisdom lies in knowing when to struggle against death and when to accept it with dignity.

Summary

Throughout this exploration of Stoic wisdom, we've discovered timeless principles for navigating life's complexities with greater tranquility and purpose. From distinguishing what we can control from what we cannot, to developing virtuous character and facing adversity with courage, these ancient practices offer profound guidance for modern challenges. As Epictetus reminds us: "Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens." The journey toward Stoic wisdom begins with a single step: choose one principle that resonates most strongly with you and practice it deliberately today. Perhaps examine your reactions to a challenging situation, distinguishing what you can control from what you cannot. Or conduct an evening review of your day, reflecting on where you demonstrated virtue and where you fell short. The power of Stoicism lies not in perfect understanding but in consistent practice—transforming philosophy from mere ideas into a lived experience of greater freedom, purpose, and tranquility.

About Author

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Massimo Pigliucci

Massimo Pigliucci is an author, blogger, podcaster, as well as the K.D. Irani Professor of Philosophy at the City College of New York. His academic work is in evolutionary biology, philosophy of science, the nature of pseudoscience, and practical philosophy. His books include How to Be a Stoic: Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern Life (Basic Books) and Nonsense on Stilts: How to Tell Science from Bunk (University of Chicago Press). His new book is Beyond Stoicism: A Guide to the Good Life with Stoics, Skeptics, Epicureans, and Other Ancient Philosophers (The Experiment). More by Massimo at https://massimopigliucci.org.

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