How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less

How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less Plot Summary

Introduction

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to make friends effortlessly while others struggle to connect? The secret lies not in some magical charisma that only a lucky few possess, but in understanding the science of human connection. Making a positive first impression isn't about being perfect—it's about mastering specific techniques that anyone can learn. In today's fast-paced world, we often have just moments to establish rapport. Whether you're at a networking event, job interview, or social gathering, those initial 90 seconds determine whether people warm to you or mentally move on. This book reveals the practical skills to make those crucial moments count. By understanding body language, adopting the right attitude, and tuning into others' communication preferences, you'll discover how to create instant connections that can transform both your personal and professional relationships.

Chapter 1: Master the First Impression: The 90-Second Greeting

The first 90 seconds of any encounter set the stage for everything that follows. During this brief window, people form judgments about your trustworthiness, competence, and likability that can be difficult to reverse later. This isn't just intuition—research shows that these snap judgments are surprisingly accurate and enduring. The greeting sequence is your opportunity to establish rapport immediately. It begins with opening your attitude and body language—keeping your heart aimed directly at the person you're meeting, without covering it with crossed arms. Make eye contact first, letting your eyes reflect your positive attitude. Then beam with a genuine smile that reaches your eyes, not just your mouth. Next, be the first to identify yourself with a warm "Hello" and your name. Finally, add a subtle forward lean to indicate interest as you begin to synchronize with the other person. Imagine Sarah walking into a networking event where she knows almost no one. Rather than hovering by the refreshments, she spots someone standing alone, approaches with an open posture, makes direct eye contact, and offers a warm smile. "Hi, I'm Sarah," she says confidently, extending her hand. "This venue is amazing—have you been to events here before?" With this simple approach, she's already established the foundation for connection. The power of this greeting sequence comes from its ability to signal safety and openness to the other person's subconscious mind. We're hardwired to seek signs that others are friendly and trustworthy. When you lead with openness, eye contact, and a genuine smile, you're communicating at a primal level that you're safe to connect with. To master this technique, practice each component separately. Work on maintaining open body language even when you feel nervous. Practice making eye contact with cashiers, baristas, and others you encounter daily. Perfect your smile in the mirror until it feels natural. Then combine these elements into a fluid greeting sequence that becomes second nature. Remember that the goal isn't perfection but authenticity. Even if you stumble over words occasionally, a genuine attempt to connect will always outshine a polished but insincere approach.

Chapter 2: Adopt a Really Useful Attitude

Your attitude is the foundation upon which all successful connections are built. Before you even speak, your internal state broadcasts itself through subtle signals in your posture, facial expressions, and energy. People don't just respond to what you say—they respond to the attitude behind your words. There are essentially two types of attitudes: Really Useful Attitudes and Really Useless Attitudes. A Really Useful Attitude might be curiosity, warmth, enthusiasm, or helpfulness. These attitudes naturally open doors to connection because they signal that interacting with you will be a positive experience. Conversely, Really Useless Attitudes like impatience, boredom, or cynicism create barriers to rapport before a single word is exchanged. Consider the difference between two bank tellers. The first processes transactions efficiently but robotically, barely making eye contact. The second, like Joanne from the author's local branch, makes customers feel valued with her cheerful demeanor and genuine interest. Though both perform the same job functions, customers will wait in a longer line just to interact with Joanne. Her Really Useful Attitude of cheerfulness and interest creates a positive experience that keeps customers coming back. What makes attitude so powerful is that it controls your body language and voice tone automatically. Try being happy while slouching with your head down—it's nearly impossible. Similarly, try being angry while standing tall with an open posture and a smile. Your attitude sets the stage for everything else, and people can sense incongruence instantly. The good news is that attitudes are yours to choose. Before any interaction, ask yourself: "What do I want from this encounter? Which attitude will serve me best?" Then consciously adopt that attitude. You can even create a physical trigger, like clenching your fist, to instantly access a positive emotional state you've experienced before. Remember that your attitude precedes you into every room and every conversation. By consciously choosing a Really Useful Attitude, you're not being manipulative—you're creating the optimal conditions for genuine human connection to flourish.

Chapter 3: Synchronize Body Language and Voice

Synchronization is the secret language of rapport. When you observe people who naturally connect well, you'll notice they unconsciously mirror each other's movements, postures, and speaking patterns. This mirroring signals at a subconscious level that "I am like you," creating comfort and trust without either person consciously realizing why they feel so at ease with each other. Body language accounts for 55% of communication, making it the most powerful channel for establishing rapport. When you deliberately but subtly match another person's posture, gestures, and facial expressions, you create a bridge of familiarity. If they lean forward, you lean forward. If they speak slowly and thoughtfully, you adjust your pace to match theirs. If they smile, you smile in return. Imagine Dave shopping for an anniversary gift for his wife. At the computer store, a salesman approaches with a leg propped on a stool, leaning on his knee while explaining features. Dave feels uncomfortable and leaves. Later at an art gallery, Dave stands contemplatively before a painting. A gallery assistant quietly adopts his same posture, speaking softly: "Nice, isn't it?" Within minutes, Dave purchases the painting, feeling completely at ease with his decision. Voice synchronization is equally important, accounting for 38% of communication. Match the other person's volume, speed, pitch, and rhythm. If they speak quietly and deliberately, lower your volume and slow your pace. If they're energetic and animated, bring more enthusiasm to your tone. This creates harmony that makes the other person feel understood on a deeper level. The key to effective synchronization is subtlety. You're not mimicking or mocking—you're respectfully adapting to create comfort. Start with small adjustments: if they cross their legs, wait a moment and cross yours. If they use expressive hand gestures, gradually incorporate more movement into your own communication. After establishing synchrony for a few minutes, test the rapport by making a small change in your posture or speaking pattern. If they unconsciously follow your lead, you've established strong rapport. If not, continue synchronizing a bit longer before testing again. Remember that synchronization isn't manipulation—it's acceleration. You're simply speeding up the natural process of connection that would happen anyway if you had more time together.

Chapter 4: Spark Rapport Through Conversation

Conversation is the bridge that transforms a greeting into a meaningful connection. The secret to sparking engaging conversation isn't being clever or impressive—it's knowing how to ask the right questions and truly listen to the answers. This approach shifts the focus from performing to connecting. The most effective conversation starter combines a location/occasion statement with an open question. For example, at a conference you might say, "This venue is impressive. What brings you to this event?" This approach provides context and invites more than a one-word response. Open questions begin with who, what, when, where, why, or how, encouraging the other person to share information that reveals their interests and perspective. Imagine Mike at a train station noticing an attractive woman. He approaches with "Do you mind if I sit here?" She agrees and mentions it's her first day commuting to a new job at an ad agency. Instead of following up on this free information with questions about her work, Mike misses the opportunity and talks about the train schedule. The conversation stalls. Had he asked, "What will you be doing at the agency?" or "How did you get the job?" he would have opened the door to genuine connection. Active listening is the counterpart to good questioning. This means demonstrating genuine interest through your body language (nodding, maintaining eye contact), verbal encouragement ("That's fascinating," "What happened next?"), and thoughtful follow-up questions that build on what you've heard. Active listening isn't about waiting for your turn to speak—it's about being fully present with the other person. When describing your own experiences, "talk in color" by engaging multiple senses. Rather than saying, "I waited for the bus for 20 minutes," say, "The rain had just stopped, my collar was wet, and the lights from the buildings were shining in the puddles." This sensory-rich language makes your stories memorable and creates shared experiences. Handle compliments graciously with a simple "thank you" rather than deflecting or diminishing them. When giving compliments, be specific rather than general—"The way you handled that difficult question was impressive" is more meaningful than "You did a great job." Remember that good conversation is like a game of tennis—the goal is to keep the ball in play through a balanced exchange that builds connection with each volley.

Chapter 5: Tune In to Sensory Preferences

People experience and filter the world primarily through one of three sensory channels: visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), or kinesthetic (feeling). Recognizing and adapting to someone's preferred sensory channel creates an instant, almost magical connection—they'll feel understood without knowing why. Visual people process information through images and respond to phrases like "I see what you mean" or "Let's look at this from another angle." They tend to speak quickly, dress immaculately, and look upward when thinking. About 55% of the population leans visual. Auditory people prioritize sounds and respond to "That sounds right" or "Let's discuss this further." They have melodic voices, move their eyes side-to-side when thinking, and make up about 15% of people. Kinesthetic people experience the world through feelings and physical sensations, responding to "I understand how you feel" or "Let's get a handle on this." They speak slowly, dress for comfort, look downward when thinking, and constitute about 30% of the population. Consider Ingrid visiting a travel agency for her 40th birthday trip. She tells Sheldon, the agent, "I just feel I need to get away and pamper myself. I'm under so much pressure at work that I really need to unwind." These kinesthetic phrases signal her sensory preference. But Sheldon responds visually: "Have I got the dream vacation for you! Just feast your eyes on this! Look at these cute villas!" Ingrid feels disconnected despite the beautiful brochures. Had Sheldon matched her kinesthetic language—"I know what you mean about pressure. This resort has the most comfortable beds and the warm, gentle waves feel amazing"—he would have created instant rapport. You can identify someone's sensory preference by listening to their word choices, watching their eye movements, and observing their pace of speech. Visuals use phrases like "show me," "looks good," and "I see"; Auditories say "sounds right," "tell me more," and "I hear you"; Kinesthetics use "feels right," "get in touch," and "I grasp that." Once you've identified their preference, adapt your language accordingly. With a visual person, paint pictures with your words; with an auditory person, emphasize sounds and discussions; with a kinesthetic person, focus on feelings and physical sensations. This doesn't mean changing your entire communication style—just incorporating more of their preferred sensory words. For maximum impact, combine this technique with synchronizing body language and voice tone. The result is communication that resonates on multiple levels, creating connection that feels natural and effortless.

Chapter 6: Become Memorable and Build Lasting Connections

Making a positive first impression is valuable, but becoming memorable transforms brief encounters into lasting relationships. The human mind remembers what stands out—the distinctive qualities that differentiate you from everyone else the person meets. Creating a memorable impression doesn't require dramatic gestures or outlandish behavior. Small, authentic touches can make you stand out: a signature accessory, a unique greeting, or a distinctive way of expressing yourself. The goal isn't to be memorable for its own sake, but to create a "handle" that helps people remember the genuine connection you established. Consider how a teacher remembers former students years later. When meeting Edwina, a former student, Jill immediately recalls "how meticulous she was" with organizing her desk. When discussing another former student, Greg, she remembers his nose ring, his mother's pickup truck, and his train-spotting newsletter. These distinctive details created memory hooks that lasted years after their interactions. Beyond being memorable, building lasting connections requires maintaining congruence between your words, tone, and body language. People instinctively distrust mixed signals—like someone saying "I'm fine" while crossing their arms and tapping their foot impatiently. When your communication channels align, people sense your authenticity and naturally trust you more. Understanding sensory preferences can deepen long-term relationships as well. Interestingly, many successful long-term relationships involve people with different primary sensory preferences but a shared secondary preference. This creates both the spark of difference and the comfort of similarity that keeps relationships vibrant over time. To transform connections into relationships, follow up meaningfully. Reference something specific from your previous conversation to show you were truly listening. Share resources related to their interests or challenges. Express genuine appreciation for the interaction. Remember that building a network of meaningful connections isn't about collecting contacts—it's about creating a community of mutual support and growth. Each person you connect with becomes part of your extended resource network, enriching your life and providing opportunities to contribute to others. The techniques in this book aren't manipulative tactics but tools to accelerate the natural human process of connection. By removing barriers and creating bridges, you allow authentic relationships to develop more quickly and deeply than they otherwise might.

Summary

The art of making people like you in 90 seconds centers on four fundamental skills: adopting a Really Useful Attitude, synchronizing your body language and voice with others, engaging in meaningful conversation, and tuning into people's sensory preferences. These techniques aren't about manipulating others but about creating the conditions for genuine connection to flourish. As the author reminds us, "People who connect live longer; people who connect get cooperation; and people who connect feel safe and strong." The journey to better connections begins with a single step—trying one technique today. Start by consciously choosing a Really Useful Attitude before your next interaction. Notice how it transforms your body language, voice, and the responses you receive. Remember that connecting with others isn't just a social skill—it's a fundamental human need that enriches our lives and communities. When we truly connect, "it's people that make the hard times bearable and the good times much, much sweeter."

About Author

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Nicholas Boothman

I am passionate about human potential.I spent the first 25 years of my working life as a fashion photographer and as a father of five children. I met so many people with tremendous potential but without any people skills - they were like roses with rubber bands wrapped around them - and they'd never blossom until someone took off that rubber band. I made up my mind to be that person.I took a risk and traded in my cameras for a laptop and started out going into schools teaching kids how to ace interviews and get jobs. From there it grew fast and within 6 months I was invited to be the kick-off speaker at the AT&T Canada annual convention at the Metro Convention centre in Toronto.Today I speak all over the world and my books have been translated into more than 30 language. My hottest business speech is "Be Brave - Take Risks." And why not? Taking risks is the only way businesses can grow and innovate.More than 500 corporations, thousands of small businesses, and six of the world's leading business schools have contacted me to rally and inspire their staff to take risks and connect.

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