How to Raise Successful People

How to Raise Successful People Plot Summary

Introduction

In the heart of Silicon Valley, where innovation and technology reign supreme, Esther Wojcicki cultivated something equally revolutionary but far more profound: a parenting and educational philosophy that would change countless lives. Known affectionately as "Woj" to her students at Palo Alto High School, Esther developed a unique approach to raising children and teaching teenagers that emphasizes trust, respect, independence, collaboration, and kindness—what she calls the TRICK method. This philosophy not only shaped her three daughters, who would go on to become some of the most influential women in technology and healthcare, but also transformed thousands of students who passed through her journalism program over her thirty-six-year teaching career. What makes Esther's story particularly compelling is how she developed her philosophy in direct opposition to her own difficult upbringing. Born to Russian Jewish immigrants on the Lower East Side of New York, she experienced poverty, gender discrimination, and a highly controlling environment where boys were valued over girls. Yet from these challenging beginnings, she forged a revolutionary approach to empowerment that would later influence education globally. Through her journey, we discover not just the story of an extraordinary educator and mother, but also practical wisdom about how to raise independent, resilient children; how to create collaborative learning environments; and how kindness and service to others form the foundation of a meaningful life.

Chapter 1: Early Life: Forging Independence Through Adversity

Esther Wojcicki's early years were defined by struggle and limitation, experiences that would later fuel her determination to create a different reality for her own children. Born to Russian Jewish immigrants in a tenement building on New York's Lower East Side, Esther grew up in a household where financial insecurity was a constant companion. Her father, Philip, an artist who had fled the pogroms in Ukraine, was forced to give up his creative dreams to support his family, eventually becoming a gravestone cutter. Her mother, Rebecca, from Siberia, was a loving presence but remained subservient in the patriarchal household structure of their Orthodox Jewish community. The defining moment of Esther's childhood came when her brother Lee was born. As her father presented the newborn to five-year-old Esther, he delivered words that would shape her worldview forever: "Your brother Lee is a boy, and in our family boys are more important." This stark introduction to gender inequality was reinforced daily as Lee received new toys while Esther got hand-me-downs, and he was allowed to eat his fill at dinner while she was scolded for taking too much food. Rather than accept this injustice, young Esther developed a fierce independence that would become her hallmark. She learned to do everything for herself—laundry, cooking, cleaning—while her brother was pampered to the point of dependence. Tragedy struck the family when Esther's younger brother David died at just sixteen months old after accidentally ingesting a bottle of aspirin. The hospital had sent him home despite his condition, likely because the family couldn't afford proper care. This devastating loss was followed by another near-tragedy when Esther and her brother Lee nearly died from carbon monoxide poisoning from a faulty heater. When her mother told her to stay inside and lie down, Esther refused, holding onto walls for support until she could get outside. This act of defiance saved her life and cemented her belief in thinking independently, regardless of authority. Education became Esther's escape route from limited circumstances. Despite her father's belief that education for women was unnecessary, she excelled academically and won a full scholarship to UC Berkeley. When she boarded a Greyhound bus to California in 1959 with just two suitcases, she was leaving behind not only her family but also a worldview that had attempted to define and limit her. At Berkeley, she met her future husband, Stan Wojcicki, a physicist who had survived his own hardships in Poland during World War II and shared her skepticism toward authority. These formative experiences instilled in Esther a determination to create a different kind of upbringing for her own children—one based on equality, empowerment, and independence. The pain of gender discrimination, the tragedy of losing her brother, and the daily struggles of poverty didn't break her spirit but rather forged it into something resilient and revolutionary. She emerged from these challenges with a profound understanding that the way we raise children shapes not just their individual futures but the very fabric of society.

Chapter 2: Building a Foundation of Trust and Respect

When Esther Wojcicki became a mother in 1968 with the birth of her first daughter Susan, she was determined to establish a parenting approach fundamentally different from her own upbringing. Rather than controlling her children as she had been controlled, she made trust the cornerstone of her relationship with them. From the very beginning, she spoke to her daughters as if they were adults, using normal language instead of baby talk—a stark contrast to conventional parenting wisdom. This basic trust extended to all aspects of child-rearing, including one of the most challenging areas for new parents: sleep training. Unlike many anxious parents who rushed to comfort their babies at the first sound, Esther practiced what would later become known as the French "pause." She would wait momentarily before responding to her daughters' cries, giving them the opportunity to self-soothe. By teaching her children to sleep independently from an early age, she was actually teaching them their first lesson in autonomy. This approach wasn't about neglect but about building confidence in their own abilities. As she watched her daughters master the skill of putting themselves to sleep, she saw them developing the foundation for independence in other areas of life. Trust manifested in everyday activities as her daughters grew. While other parents controlled their children's choices, Esther gave her daughters agency whenever possible. When they went grocery shopping, she would ask the girls to get two pounds of apples and put them in the cart, teaching them how to select good produce and understand budgeting. She allowed them to decorate their own rooms, even when it meant living with Susan's choice of hot pink shag carpet. When they were old enough, she let them walk to the local store alone, ride bikes around the neighborhood, and make decisions about their own activities and interests. Respect for each daughter's individuality was equally important in Wojcicki's approach. Unlike many parents who project their own desires onto their children, Esther respected her daughters' unique interests and passions. When Susan showed interest in tennis, Janet in swimming, and Anne in ice skating, Esther supported their choices rather than forcing them into activities she preferred. This respect extended to their career aspirations. When Anne graduated from Yale with a biology degree but decided to become a professional babysitter, Esther was initially concerned but resisted the urge to intervene. She trusted Anne to find her own path, which eventually led to a successful career on Wall Street and later as the founder of 23andMe. The foundation of trust and respect that Esther established had profound effects. Her daughters developed confidence in their abilities and learned to trust their own instincts. They weren't afraid to take risks or try new things because they knew failure wouldn't result in punishment or withdrawal of love. Instead of becoming dependent on external validation, they developed internal compasses that would guide them throughout their lives. This approach extended beyond her own family when Esther became a journalism teacher at Palo Alto High School. In her classroom, she treated teenagers as capable professionals rather than children who needed constant supervision. She gave them real responsibilities and trusted them to produce a high-quality newspaper, even when that meant allowing them the freedom to make mistakes. This revolutionary teaching style transformed not just her own daughters but thousands of students who experienced firsthand the power of being trusted and respected.

Chapter 3: The TRICK Method: A Revolutionary Parenting Approach

The heart of Esther Wojcicki's parenting philosophy is what she calls the TRICK method—Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness. While these values might seem obvious, their systematic application represents a radical departure from conventional parenting approaches, particularly in an era dominated by helicopter parenting and tiger moms. Rather than hovering anxiously or pushing relentlessly for achievement, Wojcicki's method empowers children to become self-motivated, resilient, and capable of thriving in an unpredictable world. Trust forms the foundation of the TRICK method. Wojcicki believes that parents must first trust themselves before they can effectively trust their children. Many parents are paralyzed by fear and self-doubt, constantly questioning their decisions and looking to experts for validation. Wojcicki encourages parents to recognize themselves as the true experts on their own children and to trust their instincts. This self-confidence then allows them to extend trust to their children, giving them appropriate freedoms and responsibilities based on their developmental stage. When children feel trusted, they develop both competence and confidence. Respect follows naturally from trust and involves honoring children's autonomy and individuality. Rather than viewing children as extensions of themselves or blank slates to be molded, parents should recognize that each child has unique gifts, interests, and a path to follow. Wojcicki witnessed this principle in action when her grandson Jacob refused to walk until he was eighteen months old, despite being physically capable. Instead of forcing him, she patiently waited until he found his own motivation—his love for basketball—and suddenly he was not just walking but running to grab a ball. Respecting children's timelines and passions, rather than imposing adult expectations, allows them to develop authentically. Independence represents the practical outcome of trust and respect. Wojcicki believes that parents should never do anything for their children that the children can do for themselves. From a young age, her daughters had chores and responsibilities that taught them self-reliance. They learned to do laundry, prepare meals, and manage money through their own entrepreneurial ventures (like selling lemons from a neighbor's tree). These experiences weren't just about developing practical skills; they were about building the confidence that comes from successfully navigating challenges independently. Collaboration shifts the parent-child relationship from dictatorial to democratic. Rather than issuing commands, Wojcicki advocates working together with children to establish rules, solve problems, and make decisions. This collaborative approach teaches valuable negotiation skills and shows children that their opinions matter. Whether planning family vacations or dividing household chores, involving children in the process helps them develop ownership and responsibility. In her classroom, this same principle transformed students from passive recipients of knowledge into active participants in their education. Kindness completes the TRICK method, emphasizing that success without compassion is hollow. Wojcicki taught her daughters to look beyond themselves through daily acts of kindness and service to others. From writing thank-you notes to grandparents to adopting a Christmas tradition of buying the "saddest" tree in the lot, these practices cultivated empathy. More than just being nice, kindness in Wojcicki's philosophy encompasses gratitude, forgiveness, and a commitment to making the world better—values that have guided her daughters toward using their success for positive impact. The TRICK method isn't just about raising happy children; it's about raising capable adults who can navigate a complex, rapidly changing world with confidence and compassion. By building these five interconnected values into daily family life, Wojcicki created a framework that empowers children while also preparing them for the challenges of adulthood.

Chapter 4: Empowering the Next Generation Through Journalism

When Esther Wojcicki began teaching journalism at Palo Alto High School in 1984, she brought with her a revolutionary vision that would transform not just her classroom but educational practices worldwide. Rejecting the traditional authoritarian model where teachers lectured and students passively absorbed information, she created a collaborative environment where students functioned as professional journalists from day one. Her classroom became a working newsroom where teenagers wrote on deadline, edited each other's work, sold advertising to fund their publication, and made critical editorial decisions—all with minimal intervention from their teacher. This approach represented a direct challenge to conventional education. During her first year of teaching, Wojcicki had dutifully followed the administration's instructions, lecturing on grammar and maintaining strict control of her classroom. The result? Both she and her students were miserable. When the principal evaluated her teaching, writing that her class was "out of control" because students were working in groups instead of sitting silently in rows, Wojcicki faced a pivotal decision: continue with the status quo or forge a new path. She chose innovation, developing what she called a "guide on the side" teaching model rather than being the "sage on the stage." Technology became a powerful ally in Wojcicki's educational revolution. In 1987, she secured a grant for seven Macintosh computers—devices so new that neither she nor anyone at the school knew how to use them. Rather than seeing this as a limitation, she turned it into an opportunity for collaborative learning. Students and teacher figured out the technology together, with Wojcicki unafraid to admit when she didn't know something. This willingness to learn alongside her students, rather than positioning herself as the all-knowing authority, modeled the intellectual curiosity and humility she hoped to instill in them. The heart of Wojcicki's teaching philosophy was her "mastery system," which reflected her understanding of how real learning occurs. Rather than giving students a single chance to succeed—with failure resulting in permanent poor grades—she allowed them to revise their work as many times as necessary to get it right. This approach recognized that mistakes are an essential part of learning, not evidence of inadequacy. Students who might have been discouraged by initial failure instead developed persistence and a growth mindset. They learned that success comes through effort and revision, not innate brilliance. Perhaps most revolutionary was Wojcicki's mentoring system, where experienced students taught beginners the skills they needed. Each new student (affectionately called a "cubbie") was paired with an advanced student responsible for their training. This peer-to-peer teaching accomplished several things simultaneously: it reinforced the veterans' knowledge, gave them leadership experience, and created a supportive community across grade levels. It also allowed students to receive personalized instruction that would have been impossible for one teacher to provide to hundreds of students. The results of Wojcicki's methods were extraordinary. Her journalism program expanded from a single newspaper to a media empire encompassing multiple publications, a television station, radio, and other platforms. Students produced work of professional quality, winning national awards and tackling substantive issues from school board corruption to community health concerns. More importantly, they developed skills that transcended journalism: critical thinking, collaboration, communication, and confidence. Graduates of her program, from Harvard professor Jennifer Linden to entrepreneur Gady Epstein to actor James Franco, have repeatedly credited Wojcicki with transforming their lives through her belief in their capabilities.

Chapter 5: Raising Successful Daughters in Silicon Valley

The ultimate testament to Esther Wojcicki's parenting philosophy is the remarkable success of her three daughters, who have become powerhouses in their respective fields. Susan Wojcicki served as CEO of YouTube after convincing Google to acquire the platform; Janet Wojcicki is a professor of pediatrics at UCSF focused on combating obesity; and Anne Wojcicki co-founded 23andMe, revolutionizing personal genomics. While their achievements are extraordinary, the values and skills that enabled their success were cultivated through everyday parenting practices in the Wojcicki household. Financial responsibility was a cornerstone of the girls' upbringing. Despite living in affluent Palo Alto amid the growing wealth of Silicon Valley, the Wojcickis maintained modest financial habits. The family cut coupons before grocery shopping, considered purchases carefully, and learned the value of saving. Susan, Janet, and Anne were encouraged to start their own small businesses from an early age—selling lemons from a neighbor's tree, creating "spice ropes" (braided spices to hang in kitchens), and going door-to-door with Girl Scout cookies. When Susan wanted a nightstand as a teenager, Esther didn't buy one; instead, she showed her daughter how to create one from orange crates. These experiences taught the girls not just frugality but entrepreneurial thinking. Risk-taking and independence were equally important in the Wojcicki home. The girls walked to school on their own, managed their own schedules, and were given increasing responsibilities as they grew older. When the family lived in Geneva during the girls' childhood, Esther sent Susan and Janet, then five and four years old, to the store next door to buy bread—alone. Later, all three daughters traveled extensively as young adults, often in challenging circumstances. Janet was bitten by a rabid dog in Kenya and handled the rabies protocol herself. Anne traveled solo on the Trans-Siberian Express through Russia. Susan became seriously ill while living in India. Though these situations terrified Esther as a mother, she recognized that allowing her daughters to face and overcome challenges was essential to their development as capable adults. The Wojcicki sisters were also encouraged to follow their own interests rather than conforming to parental expectations. Unlike many Silicon Valley parents who programmed their children's lives with resume-building activities, Esther let her daughters choose their own pursuits. When they lost interest in piano and violin lessons, she didn't force them to continue. Instead, Anne pursued ice skating, Janet focused on swimming, and Susan played tennis. This respect for their autonomy extended to career choices as well. After college, when Anne initially chose to become a professional babysitter rather than leveraging her Yale biology degree, Esther was concerned but restrained herself from intervening. Anne eventually found her own path to Wall Street and later to founding 23andMe. Perhaps most significantly, the Wojcicki sisters were raised with a strong sense of purpose beyond individual achievement. While many parents focus exclusively on grades and test scores, Esther emphasized contribution to society. She modeled this herself by advocating for community improvements, starting a babysitting co-op, and fighting for better library access. Her daughters absorbed these lessons about making a difference: Susan's vision for YouTube centers on democratizing video to give people worldwide a voice; Janet works globally to combat obesity and improve health outcomes in marginalized communities; and Anne's mission with 23andMe is to empower consumers with information about their health so they can make informed choices. The sisters' success reflects more than just career achievements—it demonstrates the effectiveness of Esther's TRICK method in developing well-rounded human beings. They are not only accomplished professionally but also committed to using their positions to improve the world. As Susan, Janet, and Anne write in the foreword to their mother's book: "We three sisters are the original output of our mom's philosophy, but after us came many thousands of students in her journalism program."

Chapter 6: Beyond Family: Transforming Education Globally

Esther Wojcicki's impact extends far beyond her own family and classroom, influencing educational practices and parenting approaches worldwide. What began as a personal philosophy for raising her daughters and teaching her students has evolved into a global movement challenging traditional hierarchical models of education. As word of her journalism program's success spread, educators, policymakers, and business leaders began seeking her guidance on how to foster independence, creativity, and collaboration in various settings. In 2014, Wojcicki's approach gained international attention when she was invited to debate Amy Chua, author of "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," at the Ciudad de las Ideas Festival in Mexico. While Chua advocated strict control and unwavering demands for perfection, Wojcicki presented a contrasting vision of empowerment and trust. The media dubbed her the "Panda Mother" in contrast to Chua's "Tiger Mother" approach. This debate highlighted the fundamental difference between education systems that demand obedience and those that foster independence. Wojcicki's message resonated with audiences worldwide who were questioning whether traditional educational methods were preparing children for a rapidly changing future. Wojcicki's influence expanded through her work with technology companies seeking to transform education. She helped form GoogleEdu, a platform providing resources for teachers and students, and advised numerous educational technology startups. Her expertise was particularly valuable as schools integrated digital tools into classrooms—she understood that technology itself wasn't transformative; what mattered was how it was used to empower students. Having introduced computers to her journalism program in the 1980s when they were still novelties in education, she had decades of experience balancing technological innovation with human connection. Business leaders also recognized the relevance of Wojcicki's TRICK method for workplace culture. Companies like Deloitte, Mercado Libre, Panera Bread, and even Walmart and McDonald's began incorporating aspects of her philosophy, recognizing that employees thrive under the same conditions as students: when they're trusted, respected, allowed independence, encouraged to collaborate, and treated with kindness. At the Conscious Capitalism conference in 2017, CEOs like John Mackey of Whole Foods and Daniel Bane of Trader Joe's engaged with Wojcicki's ideas about creating environments where people feel empowered rather than controlled. Particularly significant is Wojcicki's work in underserved communities worldwide. She serves as advisor to organizations like the Centro de Capacitación Integral in Monterrey, Mexico, which applies her principles to help lift people out of poverty. The program, built on a former dump site, has educated fourteen thousand adults who missed out on formal education, providing them with job skills and a path to economic stability. In Guatemala, her former student Kristin Ostby de Barillas leads Boys Hope Girls Hope, applying TRICK principles to help children from extremely disadvantaged backgrounds become "motivated, persistent, creative, team-oriented leaders." Wojcicki's vision for education challenges core assumptions about how learning happens. Traditional education, with its emphasis on standardized testing and rote memorization, prepares students to follow instructions for a world that no longer exists. In contrast, her approach develops the skills needed for the twenty-first century: problem-solving, fluid intelligence, teamwork, innovation, and communication. By emphasizing project-based learning that mimics real-world challenges, she helps students discover their passions and develop the confidence to pursue them. At a time when many educational systems worldwide are experiencing crises of student engagement, mental health issues, and questions about relevance, Wojcicki offers a proven alternative. Her methods don't just produce academic achievement; they nurture the whole person and prepare students to become engaged citizens. As she travels globally sharing her philosophy, she continues to advocate for a fundamental shift in how we think about education—not as the transmission of information from authority figures to passive recipients, but as a collaborative journey of discovery guided by trust and respect.

Summary

Esther Wojcicki's life and legacy offer a powerful counternarrative to prevailing educational and parenting approaches. At the core of her philosophy is a profound respect for children's capabilities and a deep trust in their potential to shape their own paths. Despite beginning her journey in circumstances defined by gender discrimination, poverty, and rigid authority, she created a revolutionary approach that has empowered thousands of young people to become independent, collaborative, and compassionate adults. The success of her three daughters—leaders in technology and healthcare—and the achievements of her journalism students demonstrate that children flourish not when controlled and micromanaged, but when trusted and respected. The most valuable lesson from Wojcicki's story is that we must resist fear-based parenting and teaching. In an age of helicopter parents and tiger moms, when anxiety about children's futures drives increasing control and pressure, Wojcicki reminds us that true success comes from within. By implementing her TRICK method—Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness—parents and educators can foster not just academic achievement but the resilience, creativity, and empathy essential for navigating an unpredictable future. As she puts it, "The people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do." By trusting young people to develop their unique gifts and contribute meaningfully to society, we help create not just successful individuals but a more compassionate and innovative world.

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Esther Wojcicki

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