Humor, Seriously

Humor, Seriously Plot Summary

Introduction

It's a typical Tuesday morning at the office. As you walk into a meeting room, you notice something unusual – people are laughing. The energy in the room feels different, more alive. The team that was struggling with a complex problem last week now seems to be making progress, ideas flowing freely. What changed? Someone brought humor into the equation. Humor is a powerful but often overlooked tool in professional settings. For decades, we've operated under the assumption that work is serious business, and that levity and productivity are somehow at odds. But research tells a different story. When we refuse to take ourselves so seriously, we relieve stress, create meaningful connections with colleagues, and open our minds to more innovative solutions. This book explores the science behind humor's impact on our brains, relationships, and work performance. You'll discover how humor enhances your power and status, accelerates trust-building, unlocks creativity, and builds resilience in the face of challenges. More importantly, you'll learn practical strategies for bringing appropriate humor into your professional interactions, whether you consider yourself naturally funny or not.

Chapter 1: The Humor Cliff: Why We Lose Our Sense of Humor

As children, we laugh freely and often – the average four-year-old laughs as many as 300 times per day. By contrast, the typical adult laughs only about 15 times daily. This dramatic decline in laughter is what researchers call "the humor cliff" – a phenomenon where our sense of humor and levity plummets as we enter adulthood and professional life. Why does this happen? As we grow up and enter the workforce, we develop a misguided belief that being taken seriously means being serious all the time. We trade playfulness for professionalism, believing that humor signals immaturity or a lack of dedication. This misconception is particularly strong during career transitions – when starting a new job, receiving a promotion, or entering a leadership role. In these moments of uncertainty, we often default to formality as a safety mechanism. The humor cliff is reinforced by four common myths. The first is the "serious business myth" – the belief that humor has no place amid important work. In reality, research shows that 98% of executives prefer employees with a sense of humor, and 84% believe these employees do better work. The second is the "failure myth" – the fear that our attempts at humor will fall flat. Studies reveal that even unsuccessful humor attempts, if appropriate, can increase perceptions of confidence without harming competence. The third myth is that you need to "be funny" to use humor effectively, when simply appreciating humor and creating opportunities for levity is often enough. Finally, many believe humor is an innate trait rather than a learnable skill. Understanding your personal humor style can help you navigate the cliff more effectively. Research identifies four primary styles: the Stand-up (aggressive-expressive), the Sweetheart (affiliative-subtle), the Magnet (affiliative-expressive), and the Sniper (aggressive-subtle). Each style represents different approaches to humor, from the Stand-up's spotlight-seeking boldness to the Sweetheart's gentle, uplifting wit. Recognizing your natural style helps you leverage your strengths while adapting to different situations and audiences. The key to reclaiming your sense of humor lies in understanding the distinction between levity, humor, and comedy. Levity is a mindset – an inherent receptiveness to joy. Humor channels that mindset toward specific goals, while comedy is the structured discipline requiring specialized skills. You don't need to become a professional comedian to benefit from humor at work; you simply need to cultivate a mindset of levity and learn to express it appropriately.

Chapter 2: Your Brain on Humor: The Neuroscience of Laughter

When we laugh, something remarkable happens in our brains. Our bodies release a cocktail of hormones that make us feel happier (dopamine), more trusting (oxytocin), less stressed (lowered cortisol), and even slightly euphoric (endorphins). This neurochemical reaction explains why humor feels good, but its effects extend far beyond momentary pleasure – it literally changes our brain chemistry and influences our behavior in profound ways. The first major benefit of humor is increased power and status. Contrary to the belief that being serious conveys authority, research shows that appropriate humor can significantly enhance how others perceive us. In one study, participants who used humor in a presentation were rated 5% more competent, 11% more confident, and an impressive 37% higher in status than those who delivered the same content without humor. This status boost translates to tangible outcomes – humor users were more likely to be chosen as group leaders and were more successful in negotiations, with one study showing they secured deals 18% more favorable than their humor-free counterparts. Humor also accelerates bonding and trust formation. When we laugh together, our brains release oxytocin – often called the "trust hormone" because it promotes emotional bonding. A fascinating experiment demonstrated that strangers who watched a comedy clip together disclosed significantly more personal information to each other afterward than those who watched a neutral video. The shared laughter created a 30% increase in perceived intimacy between participants. This effect extends to long-term relationships as well, with couples who reminisced about moments of shared laughter reporting 23% greater relationship satisfaction than those who recalled other positive experiences. Perhaps most valuable in today's innovation-driven economy is humor's ability to enhance creativity and problem-solving. In a classic experiment called Duncker's Candle Problem, participants who watched a humorous video beforehand were twice as likely to solve the puzzle than those who watched a neutral video. Humor helps us overcome "functional fixedness" – our tendency to see objects only for their conventional uses – allowing us to make novel connections and think more flexibly. Brain imaging studies confirm this effect, showing heightened activity in regions associated with creativity when people engage with humor. Finally, humor builds resilience by reducing stress and helping us cope with adversity. By suppressing cortisol, laughter strengthens our emotional resilience during difficult times. One study of people who had lost loved ones found that those who displayed genuine laughter when discussing their deceased had 80% less anger and 35% less distress than those who didn't laugh. The physiological benefits extend to physical health as well – laughter improves blood flow, reduces arterial stiffness, and has been linked to longevity in longitudinal studies. These neurological and psychological effects make humor not just a pleasant addition to workplace interactions, but a strategic tool for enhancing performance, relationships, and wellbeing. By understanding the science behind humor's impact, we can harness its power more intentionally and effectively.

Chapter 3: The Anatomy of Funny: Crafting Effective Humor

What makes something funny? While humor might seem mysterious or entirely subjective, it actually follows recognizable patterns that can be understood and applied. At its core, all humor contains two essential elements: truth and misdirection. The truth creates recognition and connection, while misdirection provides the surprise that triggers laughter. Truth lies at the heart of all effective humor. Consider the enduring popularity of observational comedy – it works because it highlights common experiences we all recognize but rarely articulate. When someone points out the absurdity of everyday situations – like the peculiar social dynamics of elevator rides or the universal experience of pretending to read a menu when you already know what you'll order – we laugh because we see ourselves in these observations. The more specific and authentic the truth, the more powerful the humor. Misdirection is what transforms a simple observation into humor. Scientists explain this through Incongruity-Resolution Theory – the idea that humor emerges from the gap between what we expect and what actually happens. When a setup leads our brain in one direction and the punchline unexpectedly pivots elsewhere, our prefrontal cortex works to resolve this incongruity, generating the experience of humor. Without this element of surprise, even the most insightful observation falls flat. To find humorous material in your own life, professional comedians recommend five techniques. First, look for incongruities – contrasts within your own life or differences between how you and others behave. Second, pay attention to emotion – what makes you irrationally happy, frustrated, or embarrassed can be a goldmine for humor. Third, notice your opinions – especially norms or behaviors you find absurd. Fourth, mine your pain – awkward or difficult experiences often become funny with time and perspective. Finally, seek delight – actively looking for things that make you smile primes your brain to find more of them. Once you've identified potential material, several techniques can help transform observations into humor. Exaggeration takes a simple truth and heightens it to an extreme. Creating contrast juxtaposes opposing elements for comedic effect. Using specific details adds color and authenticity. Making analogies highlights unexpected similarities between disparate things. Following the "rule of three" creates a pattern with the first two items and then subverts it with the third. Building out the world takes a funny premise and extends it into an entire universe of absurdity. For spontaneous humor, three approaches are particularly effective. First, develop a catalog of "signature stories" – reliable anecdotes you can adapt to different situations. Second, notice the "here and now" – finding humor in your immediate surroundings creates moments that feel special and tailored to the present company. Third, use callbacks – referencing earlier jokes or conversations creates a sense of shared history and inside knowledge. Finally, delivery matters as much as content. Effective techniques include pausing before the punchline to build anticipation, acting out scenarios with physical comedy, varying your vocal tone and pacing, repeating funny lines for emphasis, matching your delivery style to your content, and landing with confidence. These elements of delivery transform good material into great humor, creating moments of connection and delight that resonate long after the laughter fades.

Chapter 4: Putting Humor to Work: Practical Applications

The transition from understanding humor to actually implementing it in professional settings can feel daunting. But incorporating levity into your workday doesn't require you to transform into a stand-up comedian overnight. It starts with small, tactical shifts in how you communicate and interact with colleagues – minor adjustments that make a major difference in how you show up in the world. Words matter profoundly in shaping our psychology and behavior. The language we use can literally change how we think and act, a principle known as the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis. In professional communications, many of us fall into the trap of using sterile, jargon-filled language that sounds nothing like how we actually speak. This not only makes our messages less engaging but also strips away our humanity. When Deloitte's chief marketing officer Brian Fugere discovered that clients' primary complaint was consultants' inability to "talk straight," he created "Bullfighter" – software that identified corporate jargon and suggested more human alternatives. The program went viral, downloaded over 40,000 times globally, and transformed not just how employees communicated but how they behaved – giving them "the courage to take risks and try new things." Digital communications offer numerous opportunities to infuse levity into everyday interactions. Callbacks – references to shared experiences or inside jokes – transform transactional exchanges into authentic conversations. Creative email sign-offs like "With fingers and toes crossed" (when asking a favor) or "Still wondering who let the dogs out" (referencing a barking dog during a call) signal personality and invite playfulness. Adding a lighthearted PS to an otherwise serious email creates a moment of connection, while crafting a memorable out-of-office message turns an automated response into a chance to delight recipients. First impressions represent another crucial opportunity for strategic humor. Research shows that people form judgments about us within seconds of meeting, and these initial impressions significantly influence relationship trajectories. Before important meetings, look for clues about the other person's interests or sense of humor to establish a personal connection. Even in your professional bio or resume, a touch of levity can make you stand out from equally qualified candidates. One job seeker ended his impressive bio with a line about his podcast being "affectionately described by his wife and daughters as long, boring, and utterly devoid of substance" – a self-deprecating touch that caught a hiring manager's attention and helped secure an interview. Humor can be particularly valuable during difficult workplace moments. When saying hard things – like delivering tough feedback or addressing uncomfortable group dynamics – levity can make messages more palatable without diminishing their importance. When making asks – whether seeking resources, connections, or simply a response to an unanswered email – humor can break through defenses and open people to your request. One freelancer who had been ghosted by a client for months finally received payment after sending a humorous image of a desperate cat with Adele lyrics. Finally, humor can transform team dynamics by shifting mindsets and unlocking creativity. Starting meetings with levity – whether through thoughtfully designed icebreakers, tone-setting gestures, or attention-grabbing "cold opens" – primes participants for more productive and creative work. For brainstorming sessions, techniques like Astro Teller's "Bad Idea Brainstorm" at Google X remove the pressure of generating "good" ideas, freeing people to think more boldly and creatively. Even bringing in professional comedians to facilitate ideation sessions can yield surprising insights, as their training in finding unexpected truths and connections translates directly to innovation. These practical applications demonstrate that humor isn't just an occasional add-on to professional life – it's a versatile tool that can enhance everything from everyday communications to high-stakes negotiations and creative problem-solving.

Chapter 5: Leading with Humor: Building Trust and Connection

Leadership today faces a crisis of trust. According to research, 58% of employees trust complete strangers more than their own bosses, and 45% cite lack of trust in leadership as the single biggest issue impacting their performance. This trust deficit has serious consequences – from decreased innovation and risk-taking to increased turnover rates, with nearly half of Americans reporting they've left a job to "get away from their manager" at some point in their career. Humor represents a powerful but underutilized strategy for leaders to bridge this trust gap. When bareMinerals founder and CEO Leslie Blodgett faced slowing business during an economic recession, she took an unconventional approach – publishing a full-page ad in The New York Times that was handwritten, personal, and infused with her authentic sense of humor. Rather than projecting flawless corporate polish, the ad revealed her humanity, including her phone number and an invitation for customers to call. The response was overwhelming, not just in sales but in strengthening connections with both customers and employees. "In times of uneasiness, humor becomes even more unexpected," Blodgett explains. "So when it appears, people run, not walk, towards it." Former U.S. Secretary of State Madeleine Albright similarly used humor to navigate high-stakes diplomatic situations. When attending the ASEAN Summit in the Philippines, Albright learned she would be expected to perform in a traditional skit during the gala dinner. Rather than delivering a predictable performance, she collaborated with her Russian counterpart Yevgeny Primakov – with whom relations had been tense – to create a musical duet they called "East West Story." This unexpected moment of levity transformed their relationship, creating a personal connection that made subsequent diplomatic negotiations more productive. "In negotiations, you are there because you have to deal with a serious issue," Albright says. "But you have to connect in some way as a human being." Self-deprecating humor is particularly effective for leaders, as research shows it increases perceptions of both trustworthiness and leadership ability. Warren Buffett, despite his immense wealth and power, consistently uses self-deprecating humor in his annual meetings, joking about everything from his age to his eating habits to his business mistakes. This approach makes him more relatable while paradoxically enhancing his status – demonstrating the confidence to acknowledge his flaws. Leaders can also use humor to acknowledge mistakes and create psychological safety. Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx, holds regular "Oops Meetings" where she spotlights recent mistakes she's made, tells a funny story about each one, and then dances to a song that evokes the error. "I want to free people up inside of the company from fearing failure," she explains. "Better things happen when you're not paralyzed by fear." This approach not only normalizes failure as part of the innovation process but encourages employees to take risks without fear of punishment. Perhaps most importantly, humor helps leaders balance authority with approachability. As Twitter CEO Dick Costolo discovered, small moments of levity – like joking with nervous new employees in the elevator – can instantly change power dynamics and make leaders more accessible. "I'm right here! Hello! I'm not a hologram, I can hear you!" he would say to employees whispering about him, breaking tension and creating connection. These examples illustrate that humor isn't just a leadership nicety – it's a strategic tool for building trust, navigating difficult conversations, acknowledging mistakes, and balancing power with approachability. In an era where employees crave authentic, human leaders, the ability to use humor effectively may be one of the most valuable leadership skills to develop.

Chapter 6: Creating a Culture of Levity: Organizational Benefits

Creating a culture where humor and levity thrive isn't just about making work more enjoyable – it's about making organizations more effective. At Pixar Animation Studios, the small, passionate team behind groundbreaking films like Toy Story infused their workplace with an infectious spirit of play. Employees held mini-golf tournaments in hallways, dressed up for themed Fridays, and formed bands for company music festivals. Far from distracting from their work, this playful culture enabled them to produce some of the most innovative and successful animated films in history. Research confirms this connection between humor and team performance. In a study of 54 teams, researchers found that groups that incorporated humor during meetings demonstrated better communication, more effective problem-solving, and higher overall performance both immediately and over time. As former Pixar president Ed Catmull observed, "Lots of humor and levity in the good times solidify the relationships, making it easier for people to call on one another during the hard times." Leaders play a crucial role in establishing a culture of levity, but their approach must be authentic to their personal style. Some leaders showcase their own humor publicly, setting the tone through spontaneous moments that signal they don't take themselves too seriously. Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin instituted weekly "TGIF" meetings where their natural banter and playful interactions created a relaxed atmosphere that encouraged others to follow suit. As former Google chairman Eric Schmidt explained, "If the leadership of the company is relaxed and humorous and having fun, the other people will have permission, within the appropriate boundaries, to do the same thing." Other leaders prefer to elevate the natural humor that already exists within their organizations. Rover CEO Aaron Easterly embraced an employee-created game called "Two Truths and a Lie: The How Well Do You Know Aaron Easterly Contest," which revealed embarrassing stories from his past. Rather than shutting down this potentially uncomfortable spotlight, Easterly played along, recognizing the value of showing vulnerability and humanity. Similarly, when Eric Schmidt arrived at work to find employees had disassembled and reassembled a Volkswagen Beetle in his office overnight, he conducted meetings inside the car for days, signaling his appreciation for creativity and playfulness. Beyond leadership examples, cultivating a culture of levity requires identifying and empowering key individuals throughout the organization. "Instigators" like Johnny Damon – who transformed the formal New York Yankees clubhouse by blasting music and bringing energy that "unlocked a lot of people's sense of humor" – challenge cultural norms and spark change. "Culture Carriers" like Connor Diemand-Yauman at Coursera – respected high performers who naturally incorporate humor – can be elevated to influence broader cultural patterns. "Hidden Gems" – diligent employees with unexpected talents or interests – can be spotlighted to signal that bringing one's whole self to work is valued. Institutionalizing levity through rituals and traditions helps sustain a culture of humor over time. Understanding the "Peak-End Rule" – that people disproportionately remember the most emotionally heightened moments of an experience and how it concludes – organizations can strategically design memorable moments that reinforce cultural values. At Google X, the "Dia X" celebration honors failed projects with altars and eulogies, using humor to reinforce the value of risk-taking and learning from failure. Even simple traditions like Ford Smart Mobility's practice of presenting team members with chicken-themed socks can become powerful symbols of group identity and cohesion. Physical space also plays a crucial role as "the body language of an organization." From conference rooms with playful names to walls displaying employee quotes or intentional mistakes (like JibJab's misspelled "AGLITITY" sign), environmental cues constantly signal that levity is welcomed and valued. These physical elements reinforce that an organization can simultaneously take its work seriously without taking itself too seriously – the perfect balance for a culture where people can do their best work while having fun.

Chapter 7: Navigating the Gray Areas: When Humor Goes Wrong

Humor is inherently subjective – what one person finds hilarious, another might find offensive or simply unfunny. This subjectivity creates numerous gray areas that can make using humor in professional settings feel risky. Understanding these nuances is essential for wielding humor responsibly and recovering gracefully when it misses the mark. Three key components influence how humor lands: truth, pain, and distance. Truth forms the foundation of comedy – we laugh at what we recognize. Pain (whether physical, emotional, or social) creates tension that humor can release. Distance – temporal, geographic, or psychological – determines whether something painful can be perceived as funny. When these elements are calibrated correctly, humor works brilliantly; when misaligned, it can offend or fall flat. The appropriateness of humor depends heavily on context. A joke shared privately with friends might be inappropriate in a public forum. Humor that works for one audience might fail with another due to different cultural references, sensitivities, or shared experiences. Even the medium matters – sarcasm that lands perfectly in person often gets lost in text messages or emails, where tone is harder to convey. Research shows people consistently overestimate how accurately others will interpret their intended tone in written communication. Status and power dynamics further complicate humor. "Punching up" by teasing someone of higher status can make you seem brave and confident, while "punching down" at those with less power can make you seem like a bully. As people rise in organizations, they often find their humor options narrowing – what worked as a junior employee may be inappropriate as a leader. Self-deprecation becomes more effective for high-status individuals, while those with lower status may need to be cautious about undermining themselves. When humor fails, the consequences can range from awkward silence to damaged relationships. Thomas, a CEO who joked "Take it away, Jackie!" at the first team meeting after firing an employee named Jackie, created a painfully uncomfortable moment. Recognizing his misstep immediately, he apologized sincerely, acknowledged that his attempt to ease tension was inappropriate, and restarted the meeting with a more thoughtful approach. This three-step process – recognize, diagnose, and make it right – is essential for recovering from humor fails. Recognition becomes more difficult as you gain power, since people are neurologically predisposed to laugh at the jokes of high-status individuals regardless of quality. In one study, participants were more likely to laugh at the same joke when they believed the teller had higher status – even when the joke-teller couldn't see or hear their response. This means leaders must be particularly vigilant about calibrating their humor, as laughter may not provide accurate feedback. Diagnosing what went wrong requires honest self-reflection. Common mistakes include failing to read the room, punching down, making jokes about identities or experiences that aren't yours to joke about, using an inappropriate medium, failing to context-switch between personal and professional settings, or falling into pitfalls of your natural humor style. Making it right means taking responsibility rather than dismissing others' reactions as oversensitivity. When DoSomething.org CEO Nancy Lublin spray-painted messages of appreciation on the sidewalks outside employees' homes – inadvertently causing trouble with one employee's landlord – she didn't just apologize verbally. She hired a contractor with a power washer to clean the sidewalk that day, demonstrating her commitment to making amends through action as well as words. Perhaps most importantly, we must recognize that humor can either unite or divide. Research shows that derogatory humor targeting marginalized groups can perpetuate prejudice and even influence behavior among those already predisposed to bias. This underscores our responsibility to use humor thoughtfully and intentionally – to build bridges rather than reinforce barriers. As author Luvvie Ajayi puts it, "We've got to get comfortable with being uncomfortable by speaking hard truths when they're necessary."

Summary

The science is clear: humor is not just a pleasant addition to our lives but a powerful tool that can transform our work and relationships. When we laugh together, our brains release a cocktail of neurochemicals that make us happier, more trusting, less stressed, and more creative. These biological responses translate to tangible benefits – enhancing our status and influence, accelerating trust-building, unlocking innovative thinking, and building resilience in the face of challenges. Far from undermining our professionalism, strategic humor makes us more effective in virtually every aspect of our professional lives. The journey to incorporating more humor begins with a subtle mindset shift – from viewing levity as separate from serious work to recognizing it as an essential complement. This doesn't require becoming a comedian or mastering elaborate jokes. It simply means being more present, looking for moments of delight in everyday interactions, and having the courage to express your authentic self. Whether you're crafting an email that makes someone smile, using a lighthearted story to deliver difficult feedback, or creating traditions that bring your team together through shared laughter, each small act of levity creates ripples that extend far beyond the moment itself. In a world that often feels increasingly disconnected and automated, humor represents one of our most powerful tools for creating human connection – reminding us that behind every professional interaction are people seeking meaning, joy, and authentic relationships.

About Author

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Jennifer Aaker

DR. JENNIFER AAKER is the General Atlantic Professor at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and a leading expert on how purpose and meaning shape individual choices and how technology can positively impact both human well-being and company growth. Her work has been widely published in leading scientific journals and featured in The Economist, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, and Science. A recipient of the Distinguished Scientific Achievement Award and the MBA Professor of the Year, Aaker counts winning a dance-off in the early 1980s among her greatest feats.

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