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Living Beyond “What If?”

Release the Limits and Realize Your Dreams

4.3 (544 ratings)
23 minutes read | Text | 9 key ideas
"Living Beyond “What If?” (2021) is an empathetic handbook to realizing your dreams by overcoming self-imposed limitations, procrastination, and fear. Sharing intimate anecdotes and a step-by-step guide, it helps readers find their life's purpose, defeat present-bias syndrome, and jump confidently towards success."

Categories

Nonfiction, Self Help

Content Type

Book

Binding

Paperback

Year

2021

Publisher

Berrett-Koehler Publishers

Language

English

ASIN

1523093269

ISBN13

9781523093267

File Download

PDF | EPUB

Living Beyond “What If?” Plot Summary

Introduction

Are you living the life you've always dreamed of? For most people, the honest answer is no. Studies show that approximately 90% of individuals admit they would live differently if given another chance. They would pursue their passions more boldly, live with greater intention, and spend less time worrying about things that ultimately don't matter. What separates those who achieve their dreams from those who don't? The journey to realizing your dreams isn't about having extraordinary talents or perfect circumstances. Rather, it's about recognizing and breaking free from the self-imposed limitations that keep you stuck in familiar patterns. These limitations—procrastination, disempowering thoughts, fear, and unclear purpose—create invisible barriers that prevent you from taking meaningful action. Throughout these pages, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome these barriers, harness your imagination, build meaningful relationships, and ultimately take the leap toward the life you truly desire.

Chapter 1: Recognize the Power of Your Imagination

Imagination is one of humanity's most powerful tools. It enables us to visualize possibilities beyond our current reality and serves as the doorway to unlimited potential. Simply defined, imagination is the ability to conceive something that does not yet exist. Without imagination, we would have no source of creativity or innovation—every breakthrough in history began as an image in someone's mind. Shirley Davis shares how as a child, her imagination ran wild with dreams of becoming a teacher, a model, a basketball coach, and even a movie star. Nothing seemed impossible. She would play "school" with her brothers for hours, creating assignments and games. She also enjoyed modeling in local fashion shows and even won a local Star Search runway modeling competition. Her imagination transported her to places around the world and helped her believe she could achieve anything her heart desired. This childhood confidence led her to compete in her first pageant at age fourteen. Despite initial doubts and feeling intimidated by more experienced contestants, she placed second runner-up and won the speech competition. The following year, she returned better prepared and won her first title as Miss District of Columbia National Teenager. These early successes reinforced her belief that nothing was impossible when she applied herself. However, life's unexpected turns can shake even the strongest foundations. Davis experienced several life-altering events that tested her faith and resilience. A devastating car accident left her hospitalized and unconscious for days. Later, she survived a traumatic bank robbery where a gunman held her at gunpoint. These experiences, along with relationship disappointments and career setbacks, began to erode the confidence she had built as a child. The key lesson is that imagination isn't just for children—it's a vital tool for adults who want to create meaningful change. To harness your imagination effectively, start by creating quiet time for reflection. Spend at least 15 minutes daily visualizing your ideal future without limitations. Write down these visions in detail, including how you feel in these scenarios. Then identify small, actionable steps toward these visions. Your imagination is the blueprint for your future. When you reconnect with this powerful force and combine it with deliberate action, you create the foundation for transforming your dreams into reality. Remember that every great achievement began as a simple thought in someone's mind.

Chapter 2: Overcome Procrastination and Take Action

Procrastination is the number one reason dreams go unrealized. It's not merely postponing tasks—it's voluntarily delaying important actions despite knowing the negative consequences. While everyone occasionally procrastinates, not everyone is a procrastinator by nature. Understanding the science behind this behavior is crucial to overcoming it. Meghana Joshi's story perfectly illustrates how procrastination can derail dreams. Born and raised in India, Meghana immigrated to the United States after graduating with a bachelor's degree in architecture. To advance in her field, she needed to complete licensing exams, but as a primary caretaker for her child, she struggled to balance work, parenting, and studying. Year after year, she would commit to finishing her exams on January 1st, study for a few days, then get sidetracked. This pattern continued for nearly a decade, creating a glass ceiling in her career that prevented her from moving into management positions. The turning point came when Meghana realized how desperately she wanted to advance. With her daughter now in high school, she was determined to get licensed before her daughter's graduation. However, just as she was scheduled to take her final exam, the testing authority transitioned to a new version requiring additional steps. Simultaneously, her mother suffered a heart attack in India, requiring Meghana to travel home. Upon returning to San Francisco, she faced new requirements and began procrastinating again, overwhelmed by her ten-hour workdays and family responsibilities. Hitting her career ceiling a second time forced Meghana to ask herself, "How bad do you want this?" In her desperation, she got creative. Recognizing that evening study sessions weren't effective due to fatigue and family demands, she committed to waking at 4:00 AM to study uninterrupted for two hours before her day began. This strategic shift paid off—over the next six weeks, she completed her final exams and earned her architect's license. To overcome procrastination in your own life, first identify what you most commonly postpone. Then examine why you delay these tasks—is it fear of failure, perfectionism, or feeling overwhelmed? Research shows procrastination often stems from "time inconsistency"—our brain values immediate rewards over future benefits. Your Present Self (who makes decisions now) and Future Self (who sets goals) are frequently at odds. Implement these practical strategies: break large goals into smaller, manageable tasks; create accountability through trusted friends; schedule specific times for important tasks; and reward yourself for progress. Most importantly, shift your perspective by focusing on how accomplishing your goals aligns with your deeper purpose rather than fixating on immediate comfort. Remember that moving from procrastination to production isn't about perfection but progress. Each small step forward builds momentum toward realizing your dreams.

Chapter 3: Transform Disempowering Questions into Empowering Beliefs

We all have an inner critic that generates negative thoughts and self-doubt. These thoughts aren't just idle noise—they reflect how we think, feel, and act, ultimately creating our personal reality. The most insidious form these thoughts take is disempowering "What if?" questions that keep us from pursuing opportunities and realizing our dreams. Davis shares a pivotal story from her career that illustrates how these disempowering beliefs form. While working at a retail sales company, she was approached by the new Senior Vice President of Human Resources who offered her a special position reporting directly to him. Though flattered, she felt confused by the vague job description and lack of formal posting process. After accepting the position, she discovered her role essentially involved auditing underperforming departments, which earned her the reputation as "the SVP's spy" among colleagues. When Davis eventually found a better opportunity and submitted her resignation, the SVP's reaction was shocking. He turned red with anger, pointed at her face, and said, "You are so ungrateful. I cannot believe you would do this. I gave you a chance and you have blown it for every other Black person coming after you. I will never do this again." He dismissed her two-week notice and told her to leave immediately. Later, Davis discovered the company had recently settled a multimillion-dollar race discrimination lawsuit, suggesting she might have been selected as a token rather than for her qualifications. This experience, along with other career disappointments, contributed to Davis developing numerous disempowering beliefs. She began questioning her value, worth, and abilities. Common disempowering questions emerged: What if I'm not good enough? What if I get rejected? What if I fail? What if I don't have enough money? These questions paralyzed her decision-making and kept her dreams on hold. To transform these limiting beliefs, Davis developed a systematic approach. First, she identified her most common disempowering questions. Then, she created empowering responses to counter each one. For example, when the thought "What if I'm not good enough?" arose, she responded with: "I am unique and special. There is greatness inside me and I have something of value to offer. I will give my best and continue to grow." You can implement this practice by writing down your three most persistent disempowering questions. For each one, craft an empowering response that acknowledges your worth and capabilities. Repeat these responses whenever negative thoughts arise. Additionally, surround yourself with supportive people who reinforce positive beliefs, and regularly celebrate small wins to build confidence. The transformation of your beliefs is an ongoing process requiring commitment to long-term change. As Mahatma Gandhi wisely noted, "Man often becomes what he believes himself to be." Your beliefs must evolve alongside your goals—if they don't change, you don't change, and your dreams will remain unrealized.

Chapter 4: Face Your Fears with Courage and Determination

Fear is a powerful emotion that can diminish confidence, deny potential, destroy relationships, and defer dreams. Interestingly, we are born with only two innate fears—the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds. All other fears are learned through experiences, associations, and what we're told. These acquired fears often become the greatest barriers to achieving our dreams. Davis shares a compelling story about Stephanie, a former coworker whose life illustrates how fear can create self-imposed limitations. Stephanie worked as a highly rated training specialist at a bank where she met and fell in love with one of the executives. Their relationship sparked workplace gossip, but they eventually married despite company policy concerns. From the outside, Stephanie appeared to have "hit the jackpot" with a beautiful home and luxury lifestyle. When the marriage fell apart, Stephanie's life unraveled. Her husband moved to another state while she was left broken and humiliated. She confided in Davis that he had been verbally abusive and unfaithful throughout their relationship, making her feel inadequate. Having grown up without a father, Stephanie looked to him as a father figure despite his being twelve years older, and she feared abandonment. After the divorce, Stephanie withdrew from friends and colleagues, stopped returning calls, and eventually left her job without telling anyone where she went. Years later, Davis learned that Stephanie had become addicted to prescription drugs due to depression and anxiety, eventually overdosing. She had created what Davis calls a "Golden Cage"—a safety mechanism that appeared comfortable from the outside but isolated her from those who wanted to help. Her fears of failure, rejection, and embarrassment ultimately overtook her will to live. Davis shares how she faced her own fears, including a paralyzing fear of deep water that developed after nearly drowning at age thirteen. She finally conquered this fear during a speaking tour in Barbados when friends encouraged her to try riding WaveRunners. Despite her terror, she agreed to ride with a trusted friend. When they flipped over, throwing her into deep water, she remembered to stay calm rather than panic. This experience became a turning point in confronting her fear. To face your own fears, follow these six steps: First, shift your thinking by acknowledging your fears rather than resisting them. Second, ask questions and seek reassurances from those with experience. Third, take action despite your fear, starting with small steps. Fourth, build self-confidence through positive affirmations. Fifth, document your successes in overcoming fears to use as testimonials for future challenges. Finally, continue to imagine your dreams becoming reality, focusing on best-case rather than worst-case scenarios. Remember that fear has no special power beyond what we give it. By systematically confronting your fears, you reclaim that power and begin living beyond "What if?"

Chapter 5: Discover Your Purpose and Create a Life Plan

Finding significance begins with answering life's most fundamental questions: Who am I? Why am I here? Too many people live frustrated lives because they have no clear vision of what they want to become or why they were created. As Davis poignantly observes, many people "die at age thirty but don't get buried until age 85" because they lack meaning and purpose. After experiencing numerous life-changing events, Davis began a journey of self-discovery through what she called her annual "ME-TREATS." At the end of each year, she would travel to a tropical destination for five to seven days of solitude. The first three days were spent decompressing—sleeping in, relaxing, and enjoying the surroundings. On the fourth day, she would review her previous year's goals, celebrate accomplishments, reflect on incomplete goals, and set new resolutions. For the first five years of these retreats, Davis followed this pattern but found herself repeating a frustrating cycle. She would return home, place her journal of dreams in her nightstand drawer, and within days fall back into her routines. When she occasionally reviewed her goals, she would slip into doubt and fear, asking disempowering questions that talked her out of taking risks. She was stuck in what change management expert William Bridges calls the "Neutral Zone"—the uncomfortable in-between stage of transition where anxiety, confusion, and insecurity persist. The breakthrough came when Davis committed to investing more in her development. She attended Oprah's Live Your Best Life Tour, read Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life, and met motivational speaker Les Brown, who became her mentor. These experiences helped her move beyond setting empty New Year's resolutions to developing a clear purpose statement and comprehensive life plan. Davis defines purpose as "what you were created and born to do—your why." It's the reason you're wired the way you are and possess your unique skills and talents. Her own purpose statement became: "to train, coach, teach, and empower others with knowledge, strategies, and skills, and to enable them to see a larger vision for themselves so that they find meaning, fulfillment, and success in every area of their life." To create your own life plan, start with a self-assessment of where you are, being honest about areas needing improvement. Identify your core values to guide decision-making. Develop goals in five key categories: career/professional, health/wellness, personal relationships/home life, finances, and spirituality. Think in terms of long-term (ten years), mid-term (five years), and short-term (one to three years) objectives. Break these down into quarterly, monthly, and weekly tasks. A life plan should remain flexible—a living document updated as you evolve and your circumstances change. It serves as your roadmap and GPS, providing clear direction and helping you make decisions aligned with your purpose. Most importantly, it transforms vague dreams into concrete actions, bringing your thoughts to life and manifesting your deepest aspirations.

Chapter 6: Build Meaningful Relationships as Your New Currency

Good relationships form the foundation for success in all areas of life. As social creatures, our need for connection and belonging is as fundamental as our need for food, water, and security. The quality of our relationships directly impacts our ability to realize our dreams and find fulfillment. Davis emphasizes that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. If you don't love yourself entirely and ensure your own needs are met, you'll struggle to do the same for others. Self-love isn't selfish—it's necessary self-care that enables you to serve and empower others naturally. To assess your relationship with yourself, consider whether you accept your flaws without dwelling on them, celebrate your achievements, take care of your mental and physical health, and maintain a positive attitude without seeking external validation. Beyond self-love, Davis identifies two crucial relationship groups. First is your personal board of advisers—your closest and most trusted family members, friends, and colleagues who know your strengths and weaknesses and provide tailored support. For Davis, this included her parents, brothers, daughter, and best friend of thirty years, along with select colleagues who became close friends. The second group is your extended, diverse network—people with varied expertise, backgrounds, and perspectives who provide counsel, wisdom, and resources. Davis shares how she built this network through three strategies: assessing her current connections to identify gaps, initiating conversations at professional events, and connecting online with individuals whose skills complemented her own. Davis illustrates the power of relationships through two compelling stories. The first involves her colleague Grace, with whom she developed a mutually beneficial professional relationship over ten years. When Grace suffered a stroke that limited her ability to speak and stand, she trusted Davis to take over her client contracts. After Grace unexpectedly passed away, her clients transferred their business to Davis, saying, "Because she trusted you with us, we trust you with us." The second story recounts Davis's chance meeting with Les Brown, the renowned motivational speaker. After a brief encounter on a cruise ship, Brown invited Davis to attend his sessions and dine with him. This connection evolved into a mentorship that transformed her life, leading to opportunities to travel worldwide as one of his Platinum Speakers and developing the courage to pursue her dreams. To build your own relationship currency, start by evaluating your current network. Ask yourself: Who are the people currently in my network? Why did I select them? What skills and resources do they offer? Does everyone think and act like me? Then actively expand your connections through professional events and online platforms, focusing on quality rather than quantity. Nurture these relationships by giving more than you take, celebrating others' successes, and staying in regular contact. Remember that relationships are reciprocal—be willing to offer your expertise and support when others need it. As Davis concludes, "people hire, promote, pay more, and do business with people they know, like, and trust." Your relationships truly are your new currency for realizing your dreams.

Chapter 7: Take the Leap: Jump and Grow Your Wings

"Jump and grow your wings on the way down." This powerful metaphor from Les Brown became a guiding principle for Davis. After years of preparation—earning multiple certifications, degrees, and attending countless conferences—she realized she couldn't keep waiting for perfect conditions. To realize her dreams, she needed to take a leap of faith and trust that she would figure things out along the way. Most people resist stepping outside their comfort zone because they fear something might go wrong. Davis admits she had numerous fears—failing, going broke, rejection, getting hurt, and not being able to maintain success. But she learned that taking calculated risks—actions taken after careful consideration of possible outcomes—was essential to moving forward. Davis shares a pivotal career experience when a colleague asked if she would consider leaving her comfortable HR position to head up training and development in Operations. The prospect terrified her—it meant working different shifts including nights and weekends, learning a new language of business, and making sacrifices as a single mom. Despite her trepidation, she consulted trusted advisors and decided to jump. This calculated risk proved to be one of her best career moves, providing valuable experience in leadership, running a profit center, and business operations that benefited her throughout her career. Her biggest leap came when she finally resigned from her corporate job to launch her own consulting firm. After thirty years climbing the corporate ladder to become a vice president at a Fortune 100 company, she had achieved international recognition for her work in diversity and inclusion. Yet something was missing. She felt called to something greater—speaking, training, coaching, and consulting on a broader range of topics. Before jumping, Davis developed an exit strategy—a plan for transitioning from her current situation to her next chapter. She saved enough money to finance her business for a year, joined a boutique consulting firm on a limited contract basis to maintain steady income, and leveraged her network to secure initial clients. Within eighteen months, she had built enough business to require her full attention and ended her contract with the consulting firm. She had finally realized her long-held dream of entrepreneurship. Davis continued taking leaps—writing her first book by recording it as an audiobook rather than following traditional writing methods, publishing a workbook to accompany it, and eventually moving to Florida despite never having visited Tampa before. Each jump built her courage, confidence, and calculation skills. Dr. Katrina Esau's story exemplifies how jumping transforms lives. As Davis's mentee, Dr. Katrina struggled with analysis paralysis for years, contemplating entrepreneurship but paralyzed by fear of financial insecurity. Davis repeatedly advised her to "jump and grow her wings on the way down," but Dr. Katrina resisted until attending a conference where Bishop T.D. Jakes delivered a message entitled "Jump." This final push motivated her to take action. She published a book and journal in six weeks, launched an online academy, and negotiated a promotion at her day job. Though still working full-time, she discovered she could pursue her dreams in phases that worked for her. Jumping unleashed greater drive, opened new income streams, boosted her confidence, and revealed creativity she never knew she had. The lesson is clear: anything worth doing is worth planning to succeed. Life's most rewarding experiences come from taking risks on yourself and your dreams, believing those risks are worth taking even without guarantees. When you finally jump, you discover abilities you never knew you possessed and open doors to possibilities you couldn't have imagined.

Summary

The journey to breaking free from limitations and realizing your dreams is both challenging and transformative. Throughout these pages, we've explored how imagination serves as the blueprint for possibility, how procrastination can be overcome through strategic action, and how disempowering beliefs can be transformed into sources of strength. We've examined the courage needed to face fears, the clarity that comes from discovering purpose, the power of meaningful relationships, and the necessity of taking calculated leaps toward our dreams. As Maya Angelou wisely expressed in her book title, "I Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey"—a sentiment echoed by all who have traveled this path of personal transformation. The payoffs of living beyond "What if?" are immeasurable: greater peace, confidence, and direction; liberation from people-pleasing and comparison; courage to pursue meaningful goals; and the ability to inspire others through your example. Today, take one deliberate action toward your dreams—whether writing down your purpose statement, crafting empowering responses to your fears, or making that phone call you've been postponing. Remember that your imagination is the most powerful tool you possess, and when combined with courageous action, it becomes the catalyst for creating the life you've always dreamed of living.

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Review Summary

Strengths: The review effectively highlights the key message of the book, emphasizing the importance of overcoming procrastination and fears to achieve success. It provides a clear overview of the book's structure and content, including the focus on self-imposed limitations and strategies for realizing dreams. Weaknesses: The review could benefit from more specific examples or quotes from the book to support its analysis and provide a deeper insight into the author's approach. Overall: The review offers a positive perspective on the book, portraying it as an inspiring resource for individuals struggling with procrastination and fears. Readers interested in personal development and goal achievement may find value in Dr. Shirley Davis' insights and strategies.

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Shirley J. Davis

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Living Beyond “What If?”

By Shirley J. Davis

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