Love People, Use Things

Love People, Use Things Plot Summary

Introduction

In today's world of endless consumption and constant distraction, many of us find ourselves drowning in possessions yet somehow feeling emptier than ever. We accumulate things believing they will bring us happiness, only to discover they've become burdens weighing us down. Our homes are filled with items we rarely use, our schedules are packed with commitments that drain us, and our minds are cluttered with worries about maintaining it all. This cycle of acquisition and anxiety has become the norm, but it doesn't have to be your reality. What if freedom isn't found in having more, but in needing less? The minimalist journey isn't about deprivation—it's about liberation. By intentionally choosing what deserves space in your life, you create room for what truly matters: meaningful relationships, personal growth, creative expression, and purposeful living. This path isn't about following rigid rules of owning exactly 100 items or living in a stark white room. Rather, it's about discovering your own "enough" and building a life around your core values instead of material possessions. The transformation begins with decluttering your physical space, but ultimately extends to every aspect of your life—your time, your relationships, your finances, and even your inner world.

Chapter 1: Declutter Your Space, Declutter Your Mind

Minimalism begins with the stuff. The average American household contains more than 300,000 items, from furniture and appliances to knickknacks and forgotten items in storage. This physical clutter isn't just taking up space in our homes—it's occupying valuable mental real estate. Every possession requires a portion of our attention: to purchase, maintain, clean, store, worry about, and eventually dispose of. When we're surrounded by too many things, our minds become overwhelmed trying to process it all, leading to increased stress and decreased focus. Consider Jason and Jennifer Kirkendoll, a couple featured in the book who embodied the American Dream: four kids, two dogs, a cat, and a spacious suburban home. Despite having everything they thought they wanted, they felt anxious and overwhelmed. Their house was filled with possessions they rarely used, their credit cards were maxed out, and their relationship was suffering. They were drowning in stuff and debt, yet still felt empty. During Christmas of 2016, Jennifer watched a documentary about minimalism and realized something had to change. The contrast between the simple lives on screen and the mountain of wrapping paper and unused gifts in their living room was stark. Their kids were already bored with half their new toys, and the obligatory gift Jennifer had received was already tucked away in the closet, unused like most of their possessions. Inspired to make a change, Jason and Jennifer rented a dumpster and began systematically removing everything they hadn't used in the past year. Clothes, toys, electronics, furniture—anything not bolted down was subject to removal. Within a week, their house felt different. The physical mess was dissipating, the visual clutter was reduced, and there was a new sense of space and calm. As January came to a close, they were nearly finished with their decluttering project. Their closets, basement, and garage were organized, and everything they owned served a purpose. To start your own decluttering journey, begin with the "No Junk Rule": Sort your possessions into three categories—essential (needs like food, shelter, clothing), nonessential (things that enhance your life but aren't strictly necessary), and junk (items you think you like but actually get in the way). Focus first on eliminating the junk. Ask yourself simple questions about each item: "Does this add value to my life?" "Have I used this in the past year?" "Would I buy this again today?" If the answer is no, let it go. Remember that decluttering isn't about getting rid of everything—it's about being intentional with what you keep. Start small if the process feels overwhelming. Try the "Just in Case Rule" (also called the 20/20 Rule): If you can replace an item for under $20 in less than 20 minutes, you don't need to keep it "just in case." Or implement the "90/90 Rule": If you haven't used something in the past 90 days and won't use it in the next 90, it's probably safe to let it go. The physical transformation of your space will lead to a mental transformation. As Jason and Jennifer discovered, removing the excess creates room to breathe, think clearly, and focus on what truly matters. When we let go of the things we don't need, we make space for the life we actually want to live.

Chapter 2: Confront Your Truth and Embrace Authenticity

At its core, minimalism is about honesty—facing the truth about what really matters in your life and what's just distraction or facade. This relationship with truth extends beyond our possessions to how we perceive ourselves, interact with others, and make decisions. Many of us live with untruths that complicate our lives, whether it's pretending to be someone we're not, hiding our struggles, or avoiding difficult conversations. These complications create a barrier between us and authentic living. Joshua Fields Millburn, one of the authors, shares a deeply personal story about confronting painful truths in his own life. When his mother died of cancer, he traveled to her apartment in Florida to deal with her possessions. He was confronted with three houses' worth of stuff crammed into her small one-bedroom space. As he sorted through her belongings, he discovered four boxes under her bed containing artwork and schoolwork from his elementary school days—items she had kept for decades but never looked at. This revelation helped him understand that "our memories are not in our things; our memories are inside us." His mother didn't need those boxes to hold onto a piece of him—he was never inside those boxes. This experience forced Joshua to confront the truth about his own life as well. Despite having what appeared to be a successful life—a six-figure corporate job, a big house, luxury cars—he was deeply unhappy. His marriage was failing, and he was living a life that didn't align with his values. He had been avoiding these truths, using material possessions as a distraction. Only by facing reality could he begin to make meaningful changes. To embrace authenticity in your own life, start by identifying the areas where you might be avoiding truth. Are you staying in a job you hate because you're afraid of change? Are you maintaining relationships that drain you because you fear being alone? Are you buying things to impress others rather than to fulfill your own needs? Write down these questions and answer them honestly, without judgment. Next, practice what the author calls "sitting in the truth." This means acknowledging your reality without immediately trying to fix or change it. Simply recognize where you are right now. This might feel uncomfortable at first—truth often does—but it's the essential first step toward authentic living. Then, begin making small changes that align with your truth. If you've realized you value experiences over possessions, redirect some of your spending toward activities rather than things. If you've acknowledged that certain relationships are toxic, start setting boundaries or consider whether they belong in your life at all. Remember that embracing truth isn't a one-time event but an ongoing practice. As you continue to simplify your life, you'll find it easier to recognize when you're slipping back into old patterns of avoidance or deception. The reward for this sometimes difficult work is freedom—freedom from the exhaustion of maintaining facades and the weight of living incongruently with your values.

Chapter 3: Prioritize Self-Care Without Guilt

In our busy, achievement-oriented culture, self-care is often dismissed as selfish indulgence or luxury. However, true self-care—the intentional maintenance of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being—is actually the foundation upon which a meaningful life is built. Without it, you simply don't have the resources to pursue your purpose or care for others effectively. The author shares his personal struggle with health issues that began after a trip to Brazil in 2018. What started as "food poisoning" lingered for months, developing into severe intestinal problems, inflammation, brain fog, and eventually a depression so profound he describes it as being "trapped in a giant mason jar left out in the summer sun; I could see relief and freedom beyond the glass, but I couldn't touch it." This experience taught him that health truly is wealth. As Confucius wisely noted, "A healthy man wants a thousand things; a sick man wants only one." Through this difficult period, the author learned that optimal health isn't just about avoiding illness—it's about creating robust well-being through what he calls "free medicine": diet, exercise, sleep, and sunlight. These fundamental elements cost nothing yet provide tremendous benefits. For diet, he recommends focusing on real, whole foods while avoiding inflammatory and processed options. Exercise needn't be complex—regular movement throughout the day is what matters most. Quality sleep requires consistency, proper environment, and limiting screen time before bed. And regular exposure to natural sunlight helps regulate our circadian rhythms, improving both sleep and mood. To implement these principles in your own life, start by assessing your current self-care practices. Where are you thriving, and where could you use improvement? Rather than attempting a complete overhaul, choose one area to focus on first. Perhaps begin with establishing a consistent sleep schedule, or adding a daily walk outside, or replacing one processed meal with a home-cooked alternative. Create specific, actionable plans rather than vague goals. Instead of "I'll exercise more," decide "I'll walk for 20 minutes after lunch three days this week." Track your progress to stay accountable and celebrate small wins along the way. Remember that self-care isn't about perfection—it's about progress and consistency. As you develop these practices, be mindful of the difference between self-care and self-indulgence. True self-care leaves you feeling energized and fulfilled, while indulgence often leads to guilt or diminished well-being. A glass of wine with friends can be self-care; a bottle alone to numb feelings is not. Shopping for a thoughtfully chosen item you need might be self-care; impulse buying to fill an emotional void is not. The ultimate goal of self-care isn't just personal well-being—it's having the capacity to live purposefully and contribute to others. As Randi Kay, host of the Simple Self-Care Podcast, explains, self-care is "the act of tuning in to your true needs and then acting accordingly." When you honor your needs, you become more present, more creative, and more capable of serving others from a place of abundance rather than depletion.

Chapter 4: Align Actions With Your Core Values

Living with intention requires clarity about what matters most to you. Your values are the principles that guide your decisions and shape your life's direction. However, many people never take the time to identify their core values, instead allowing external influences—media, peers, family expectations—to dictate their choices. This disconnect between what truly matters to you and how you actually live creates internal conflict and dissatisfaction. The author describes how in his twenties, he craved everything he didn't have: money, possessions, status, power. These desires, which psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan called "Object A," drove his decisions. He believed that if he could just acquire the right car, house, or promotion, he would finally be satisfied. But as he achieved each goal, the satisfaction was fleeting, and a new Object A would take its place. This cycle continued until he realized that what he wanted wasn't actually making him happy. This realization led him to develop a framework for understanding values. He categorizes them into four types: Foundational Values (the universal principles like health, relationships, creativity, growth, and contribution); Structural Values (personal values like autonomy, quality, or sincerity); Surface Values (interests that add variety to life, like art or music); and Imaginary Values (obstacles that get in our way, like busyness or social media). By understanding this hierarchy, we can prioritize what truly matters. To align your actions with your values, start by identifying what you truly care about. The author provides a Values Worksheet (included in the book) to help readers clarify their own value hierarchy. Once you've identified your values, examine your daily life for misalignments. Where are you spending time, energy, or money on things that don't reflect what matters most to you? Next, create specific action plans to bring your life into alignment with your values. If health is a Foundational Value but you're not exercising regularly, schedule workouts as non-negotiable appointments. If creativity matters to you but you're spending hours on social media instead of making art, set boundaries around technology use. If relationships are important but work consumes all your time, block out regular quality time with loved ones. Be prepared for this alignment to feel uncomfortable at first. Our habits and social circles often reinforce our current behaviors, making change challenging. You might need to say no to activities that don't serve your values, disappoint people who expect you to maintain the status quo, or invest time and energy in developing new skills and habits. Remember that values alignment isn't about perfection—it's about direction. Small, consistent choices that honor your values will gradually transform your life. As the author notes, "The most genuine way to live is to align your short-term actions with your long-term values. You want to make your future self proud of your present self."

Chapter 5: Master Your Money, Not the Reverse

Money plays a critical role in our lives, yet many people have a dysfunctional relationship with their finances. They either obsess over money or avoid thinking about it altogether. Neither approach leads to financial freedom or peace of mind. The minimalist perspective on money isn't about having less of it—it's about using it intentionally to support the life you want to live rather than letting it control you. The author shares his own financial journey, describing how he accumulated fourteen maxed-out credit cards by his late twenties despite earning nearly $200,000 annually. He had a mortgage, a second mortgage, car payments, student loans, and a stack of credit card bills. Despite his apparent success, he was one misstep away from financial ruin. "I was digging a ditch one shovelful at a time," he writes, explaining how each purchase pushed him deeper into debt while failing to provide the satisfaction he sought. This pattern is distressingly common. According to statistics cited in the book, 72 percent of Americans are financially unhealthy, with many living paycheck to paycheck regardless of income level. Nearly half couldn't come up with $400 in an emergency, and 62 percent don't have $1,000 in savings. This financial precariousness creates constant stress and prevents people from living according to their values. To transform your relationship with money, the author recommends following Dave Ramsey's "Seven Baby Steps." Start by saving $1,000 for emergencies while creating a budget. Then use the "debt snowball" method to pay off all debts (except your mortgage) from smallest to largest. Next, build a fully funded emergency fund covering 3-6 months of expenses. Only then should you begin investing 15% of your income for retirement, saving for children's college, and working to pay off your home early. The final step is building wealth and giving generously. Implementing this plan requires practical changes. Create a budget that accounts for every dollar of income before the month begins. Cut unnecessary expenses—subscriptions you don't use, dining out too frequently, impulse purchases. Consider ways to increase your income through side jobs or selling unused items. Most importantly, adopt the "Wait for It Rule" (also called the 30/30 Rule): If something costs more than $30, wait 30 hours before purchasing it. This cooling-off period helps distinguish between wants and needs. The author emphasizes that financial freedom isn't about deprivation but about priorities. By eliminating debt and being intentional with spending, you free up resources for what truly matters. As he puts it, "I'm not opposed to having money—I'm opposed to having money problems." When you master your money instead of letting it master you, you can use it as a tool to support your values rather than as a distraction from what's missing in your life. Remember that true wealth isn't measured by possessions but by freedom—the freedom to make choices based on your values rather than financial necessity. As the author states, "Debt-free is the new pay raise," because eliminating debt payments immediately increases your available resources without requiring additional income.

Chapter 6: Create Meaningfully, Consume Mindfully

Creativity is an essential part of a fulfilling life, yet many people believe they aren't creative or don't make time for creative pursuits. The minimalist approach to creativity isn't about becoming a professional artist or writer—it's about engaging in the process of creation rather than defaulting to passive consumption. When we create rather than merely consume, we experience deeper satisfaction and contribute something unique to the world. The author confesses that for years he was "an aspiring writer" who didn't actually write much. Like many would-be creatives, he procrastinated, making excuses about being too busy or too tired. He eventually realized that "writer's block" was just a convenient myth—the real problem was his unwillingness to "sit in the chair" and do the work. This insight transformed his creative life: showing up consistently, even when inspiration was lacking, allowed him to develop his craft and eventually build a career around writing. A major obstacle to creativity in modern life is distraction. The author describes how our "glowing screens have gotten in the way of everything, and we're addicted to our distractions. Scrolling is the new smoking." He cites alarming statistics: the average person checks their smartphone 150 times daily and taps, swipes, or clicks on their phone 2,617 times per day, resulting in up to twelve hours of daily device use. This constant distraction prevents the deep focus necessary for meaningful creation. To reclaim your creative capacity, start with a "digital declutter" as described by Cal Newport in his book Digital Minimalism. Set aside thirty days to take a break from optional technologies—social media, video games, YouTube, even text messaging if possible. During this period, rediscover analog activities you find satisfying: reading books, having face-to-face conversations, pursuing hobbies, or spending time in nature. After the break, reintroduce technologies selectively, asking whether each one directly supports something you deeply value. Beyond managing distractions, developing a creative practice requires understanding that creativity isn't about perfection but about process. The author advises against letting perfectionism become "the perfect villain" that prevents you from creating anything at all. Instead, give yourself permission to be "good enough" today, knowing that your skills will improve with consistent practice. Remember that "doing the real work is better than the perfect idea that's trapped in your head." Another important aspect of meaningful creation is focusing on value rather than virality. Instead of chasing attention or trying to "go viral," concentrate on creating something that genuinely helps, entertains, or moves others. Before sharing anything, ask yourself, "Will this add value?" If not, it's not worth putting into the world, no matter how much attention it might attract. Finally, understand that creativity isn't limited to traditional artistic pursuits. You're a creative if you create something that solves problems or adds value to others. Whether you're designing software, cooking meals, organizing community events, or raising children, you're engaging in the essential human act of creation. By approaching these activities mindfully rather than mechanically, you transform ordinary tasks into meaningful creative expressions.

Chapter 7: Build Relationships That Matter

Human connection is fundamental to our wellbeing, yet many of us struggle to build and maintain meaningful relationships. We often prioritize quantity over quality, spending most of our time with people who don't share our values while neglecting those who truly matter. The minimalist approach to relationships involves being intentional about who we spend time with and how we interact with them. The author begins with a powerful statement: "You can't change the people around you, but you can change the people around you." This dual meaning encapsulates the reality that while we can't transform others into who we want them to be, we can choose who we allow into our lives. Too often, we try to change people—molding them into our ideal version of a friend, lover, or family member—instead of seeking out relationships that naturally support our growth and wellbeing. To be more intentional about relationships, the author suggests categorizing them into three groups: primary (the five or so "main characters" in your life), secondary (your supporting cast), and peripheral (acquaintances and distant connections). Many people prioritize relationships based on proximity or convenience rather than significance, spending most of their time with peripheral connections while neglecting primary relationships. This misalignment leads to dissatisfaction and loneliness. The foundation of meaningful relationships is shared values, not necessarily shared interests or beliefs. The author describes how he and his wife Rebecca met and built their relationship on honesty about who they were and what they wanted, rather than pretending to be someone they weren't. "You want people to love you for who you are, not who you portray yourself to be," he writes. This authenticity creates space for genuine connection. Healthy relationships also require clear boundaries. Contrary to popular belief, setting boundaries doesn't push people away—it actually invites them into your life on terms that work for both of you. The author recommends defining your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual boundaries, then communicating them clearly to others. This clarity prevents misunderstandings and resentment. When it comes to strengthening existing relationships, the author identifies eight essential elements: love, trust, honesty, caring, support, attention, authenticity, and understanding. He particularly emphasizes understanding, which develops through four stages: tolerance (accepting differences), acceptance (recognizing those differences as part of who they are), respect (valuing those differences), and appreciation (finding joy in those differences). This progression creates deeper connections. Sometimes, however, relationships become toxic. The author advises being honest about which relationships drain rather than nourish you. Signs of toxicity include manipulation, threats, insults, cruelty, or more subtle behaviors like pessimism, dishonesty, or narcissism. While it's worth trying to repair valuable relationships through communication and boundary-setting, sometimes the healthiest choice is to let go. "A toxic person is entitled to nothing," he writes, emphasizing that friendship and love are privileges, not rights. The ultimate goal is to surround yourself with people who support the person you want to become, not those who drag you toward their ideal version of you. By being intentional about your relationships, you create space for deeper connections that enhance rather than deplete your life.

Summary

The minimalist journey is ultimately about freedom—freedom from the burden of excess possessions, from financial stress, from digital distractions, from toxic relationships, and from the constant pressure to acquire more. By intentionally removing what doesn't serve you, you create space for what truly matters: health, relationships, creativity, growth, and contribution. As the authors powerfully state, "Love people and use things, because the opposite never works." When we reverse this natural order—when we love things and use people—we find ourselves trapped in a cycle of dissatisfaction and disconnection. Your path to a more meaningful life begins with a single step: identifying one area where you can start letting go. Perhaps it's decluttering a closet, deleting a social media app, having a difficult conversation, or creating a budget. The specific action matters less than the intention behind it—the commitment to living deliberately rather than by default. Remember that minimalism isn't about deprivation but about liberation. It's not about having less for the sake of less, but about making room for more of what brings you joy, purpose, and fulfillment. As you continue this journey, you'll discover that the things you once thought were essential were actually getting in the way of the life you truly want to live.

About Author

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Joshua Fields Millburn

Joshua Fields Millburn is one half of the simple-living duo The Minimalists. As the bestselling author of five books, Millburn has been featured in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Time magazine and has spoken at Harvard, Apple, and Google. His podcast, The Minimalists Podcast, is often the #1 health show on Apple Podcasts, and his popular documentary, MINIMALISM, is available on Netflix. Raised in Dayton, Ohio, he currently lives in Los Angeles.

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