Own Your Greatness

Own Your Greatness Plot Summary

Introduction

Have you ever felt like a fraud despite your accomplishments? Perhaps you've dismissed praise as luck or worried someone would discover you're not as capable as they think. This feeling, known as impostor syndrome, affects an estimated 70 percent of people at some point in their lives. It can paralyze your career growth, damage your relationships, and prevent you from embracing opportunities that could transform your life. Impostor syndrome thrives in silence and isolation. It convinces you that you alone are inadequate while everyone else deserves their success. But this simply isn't true. Through understanding your unique triggers, changing your internal narrative, and building supportive relationships, you can break free from these limiting beliefs. The journey ahead will equip you with practical tools to recognize your true capabilities, silence negative thoughts, and create conditions where your authentic talents can flourish.

Chapter 1: Recognize Your Impostor Syndrome Patterns

Impostor syndrome manifests as a persistent feeling that you're a fraud despite evidence of your competence. You might downplay accomplishments, attribute success to luck, or work excessively to prove your worth. This psychological pattern affects high-achieving individuals across all fields and demographics, creating a constant fear of being "found out" as inadequate. The impostor cycle typically begins when you face a challenge, triggering anxiety about your performance. You might respond by either overworking to compensate for perceived inadequacy or self-sabotaging through procrastination. When you succeed, rather than internalizing this as evidence of your competence, you attribute it to external factors like luck or extraordinary effort. This reinforces the belief that you're not inherently capable, setting you up for the same cycle with each new challenge. Consider Brenda, a fourth-grade math teacher who sought counseling due to job dissatisfaction. Despite consistently positive performance reviews, Brenda didn't view herself as competent. She believed people only gave her good evaluations because they liked her personality. During an observation, Brenda self-sabotaged by teaching material that was three weeks ahead of schedule. Though students struggled with the advanced content, her evaluator was impressed by her poise and ability to engage students despite the challenging material. The impostor syndrome affects various aspects of professional development. Those experiencing it often undervalue their worth in the marketplace, fear negotiation, avoid high-visibility assignments, and struggle to network effectively. They may remain in stagnating roles due to the belief that they lack options or deserve better. This pattern significantly impacts advancement opportunities, salary potential, and long-term career satisfaction. Understanding your unique impostor patterns is the first step toward freedom. The 3 C's Strategy—Clarify, Choose, and Create—provides a comprehensive framework for overcoming impostor syndrome. In the Clarify phase, you'll identify your origin story and triggers. The Choose phase involves speaking your truth, silencing negative thoughts, and prioritizing self-care. Finally, the Create phase focuses on experimenting with new roles, building a support network, and establishing optimal conditions for success. By recognizing your impostor syndrome patterns and understanding their impact on your life, you gain the awareness needed to begin transforming these limiting beliefs. This awareness serves as the foundation for all the work that follows, allowing you to see your achievements through a clearer, more accurate lens.

Chapter 2: Identify Your Origin Story and Triggers

Your impostor syndrome didn't develop overnight—it has roots in your past experiences, family dynamics, and cultural context. Understanding these origins provides crucial insight into why certain situations trigger your feelings of fraudulence today. This awareness gives you power to respond differently when those triggers arise. Family dynamics play a significant role in developing impostor syndrome. Clance and Imes, who first identified this phenomenon, observed several common patterns. Some people grew up in families where a sibling was labeled as "the intelligent one" while they were considered the "sensitive" or "social" one. Others were told they were superior in every way, creating pressure to excel effortlessly—when they eventually had to work hard at something, it shattered their self-concept. A third pattern involves gifted children with neglectful or absent parents, driving them to succeed without receiving positive feedback. Ashten's story illustrates how these dynamics manifest. As a 35-year-old nonprofit leader, she struggles with feeling worthy of influential roles. Growing up, she was considered "the great hope" in a family where her siblings had various troubles. Her achievements became the focus of her worth, with parents who demanded perfect grades and constant academic excellence. Now, despite her Ivy League education and professional success, Ashten fears "it will all fall apart" if she doesn't overwork. She worries that beneath her accomplishments, she's just like her chaotic family. Identifying your triggers—situations that activate your impostor feelings—is equally important. Common triggers include new situations like promotions, receiving compliments, or facing evaluation. When triggered, you might experience anxiety, self-doubt, or an overwhelming urge to either overwork or avoid the situation entirely. By recognizing these patterns, you can prepare more effective responses. To identify your own triggers, reflect on recent situations where your impostor syndrome felt particularly intense. Look for common elements across these experiences—certain people, environments, types of tasks, or emotional states that preceded your impostor feelings. Then connect these current triggers to your origin story, understanding how past experiences shaped your present reactions. Once you've identified your triggers, you can begin to release their emotional power. Writing an expressive letter to people who contributed to your impostor syndrome can be cathartic. Express your feelings honestly, include a statement of forgiveness when you're ready, then read it aloud to a trusted person before destroying it. This process helps you acknowledge and release the past while preparing to respond differently to triggers in the future. Knowing your origin story and triggers transforms them from unconscious forces controlling your behavior into recognized patterns you can choose to address differently. This awareness is your first step toward freedom from impostor syndrome's grip.

Chapter 3: Change Your Narrative and Speak Your Truth

The stories we tell ourselves shape our reality. If your internal narrative constantly reinforces feelings of fraudulence and inadequacy, you'll remain trapped in impostor syndrome regardless of your achievements. Changing this narrative is essential to owning your greatness. Jocelyn, a management consultant on the partner track, believed she kept her job only through hard work and a pleasant demeanor. Her narrative completely ignored her impressive credentials—graduating in the top 5% of her class, excelling as an intern, and consistently receiving praise for both technical and interpersonal skills. This distorted story kept her feeling unworthy of advancement and afraid to seek more satisfying opportunities. Narrative therapy techniques can help transform these limiting stories. One powerful approach is "thickening" your narrative—adding complexity, context, and nuance to overly simplistic stories about yourself. For example, if your family narrative was "I'm the one who works hard, but my sister is the smart one," you might thicken this to acknowledge that you both have different but equally valuable learning styles and intellectual strengths. Speaking your truth means breaking the silence around your impostor syndrome. When Lisa struggled to leave a demeaning job despite her doctorate from Columbia University, she initially felt too ashamed to discuss her situation. Once she finally voiced her experience to family and friends, she received the support she needed to make a positive change. Though not everyone responded perfectly, many offered valuable connections and suggestions that helped her move forward. Owning your accomplishments is another crucial aspect of speaking your truth. Cal, a vice president at a marketing firm, initially claimed he had no accomplishments when asked to name them. Through deeper exploration, he recognized significant achievements—securing multi-million-dollar accounts, becoming the youngest senior vice president at his previous firm, and being recognized as a Rising Star by an industry publication. As he learned to acknowledge these successes, his confidence grew and he became more effective in his leadership role. To begin changing your narrative, identify the thin, simplistic stories you tell about yourself that reinforce impostor feelings. Then deliberately thicken these stories by adding context, acknowledging complexity, and embracing both-and thinking rather than either-or limitations. Practice speaking these thickened narratives aloud, sharing them with trusted others, and writing them down until they begin to feel more natural than your old, limiting stories. Remember that changing your narrative takes time and conscious effort. You'll need to catch yourself when you slip into old patterns of minimizing achievements or attributing success to external factors. With practice, your new, more accurate narrative will gradually become your default perspective, allowing you to truly own your greatness rather than dismissing it.

Chapter 4: Silence Negative Thoughts and Value Self-Care

Your mind can be your greatest ally or your worst enemy in overcoming impostor syndrome. Automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) immediately enter your consciousness when triggered, undermining your confidence and reinforcing fraudulent feelings. Learning to identify and silence these thoughts is crucial to reclaiming your sense of competence and worth. Nadine, a first-year associate at a corporate law firm, struggled with three common types of ANTs: unfair comparisons ("Everyone here is so smart and accomplished"), fortune-telling ("Once they see all the errors I'm making, they'll realize they made a mistake hiring me"), and discounting positives (dismissing compliments as meaningless). These thoughts impacted her performance, causing her to turn in assignments late and reinforcing her impostor feelings in a destructive cycle. Through coaching, Nadine learned to identify these thoughts as ANTs rather than objective reality. She developed challenging questions to counter each type of negative thought. For unfair comparisons, she asked: "Is it appropriate to compare myself to colleagues with years more experience?" For fortune-telling, she questioned: "What evidence supports this negative prediction?" For discounting positives, she considered: "What would be the gain for someone to give me a compliment they didn't mean?" Nadine also created positive replacement statements for each ANT. When comparing herself unfavorably to colleagues, she practiced thinking: "As a first-year associate, it's normal not to have all the answers yet." When predicting catastrophe, she reminded herself: "I won't be fired for making a mistake. I'll get feedback that helps me grow." When discounting praise, she affirmed: "I received this praise because I truly earned it." Equally important to silencing negative thoughts is valuing self-care. Overworking and perfectionism are hallmarks of impostor syndrome that often lead to burnout. Dennis, an assistant professor on the tenure track, believed his only competitive advantage was working harder than everyone else. He arrived hours before colleagues and left after everyone else, thinking constantly about work even on weekends. The result was chronic fatigue, dread about going to work, and emotional exhaustion. Breaking this cycle requires setting appropriate boundaries and prioritizing your wellbeing. For Dennis, this meant establishing a reasonable work schedule with clear start and end times, creating a priority list of responsibilities, and scheduling regular self-care activities like gym sessions and monthly massages. Though his impostor syndrome initially told him these activities were a waste of time, he came to understand their value in sustaining his energy and effectiveness. Perfectionism often serves as a major barrier to self-care. Brandon, a copy editor who experienced panic attacks after making minor errors, needed to adopt a growth mindset—viewing mistakes as opportunities for learning rather than evidence of incompetence. Strategies for combating perfectionism include focusing on "good enough" rather than perfect, recognizing how perfectionism hurts you and others, accepting your humanity, comparing yourself only to your past self, and appreciating that mistakes provide valuable growth opportunities. Start building self-care through micro-habits—small, manageable actions that require minimal motivation. Rather than committing immediately to five weekly gym sessions, begin by packing your gym clothes, then attending once weekly, gradually building to your goal. Make these intentions visible through reminders and calendar blocks, and identify an accountability partner who can support your self-care journey.

Chapter 5: Build Your Dream Team and Create Optimal Conditions

Conquering impostor syndrome isn't a solo journey. Building a supportive network—your Dream Team—provides crucial perspective, encouragement, and accountability as you work to overcome fraudulent feelings and own your greatness. People with impostor syndrome often struggle alone, believing they should handle everything independently to prove their worth. Sandra, a 58-year-old woman who grew up in a tight-knit, protective family suspicious of outsiders, found it extremely difficult to share vulnerable experiences with others. Her impostor syndrome was triggered whenever she made mistakes or fell behind in her work. As she gradually took risks to connect with family members and church community, she discovered that sharing vulnerability actually deepened these relationships rather than damaging them. Your Dream Team should include several key roles, each serving different functions in your recovery. Mentors provide guidance based on their experience and success in your field. The Cheerleader offers unconditional support and encouragement when you're feeling low. The Grounder helps you maintain perspective, especially after mistakes, preventing catastrophizing. The Action Planner assists in creating practical strategies when impostor feelings arise. The Big-Picture Person helps you see how current challenges fit into your broader life context. The Impostor Expert understands impostor syndrome and holds you accountable to your recovery process. Jeanine, a successful corporate recruiter, was the go-to person in her family and friend circle. Everyone called her for advice, emotional support, or financial help, but she rarely sought assistance herself. During counseling, she realized her impostor syndrome contributed to this imbalance—she feared others would think less of her if she asked for help. As she slowly began seeking support from coworkers, family, and friends, she discovered they appreciated the opportunity to reciprocate her generosity. Though initially uncomfortable, this role shift strengthened her relationships and reduced her impostor feelings. Experimenting with new roles is another crucial aspect of creating optimal conditions for success. If you typically play the Helper, Superperson, Failure Avoider, Knowledge Hub, or Behind-the-Scenes Leader, try adopting complementary roles like Help-Seeker, Risk-Taker, Collaborator, Knowledge-Receiver, or Visible Leader. Start with low-stakes situations among trusted friends before gradually moving to higher-stakes professional contexts. Your final step is creating personalized coping cards—a toolbox of strategies to implement when impostor feelings arise. These cards should capture your origin story and triggers, your new narrative, your strengths and accomplishments, techniques for silencing negative thoughts, self-care commitments, new roles to experiment with, and your Dream Team contacts. Review these cards regularly and revise them as you grow, using them as reminders of your progress and resources. Remember that overcoming impostor syndrome is an ongoing process. Even Michelle Obama has stated, "I still have impostor syndrome. It never goes away." The goal isn't to eliminate these feelings entirely but to recognize them as momentary lapses rather than defining truths. With your Dream Team and personalized strategies, you can respond effectively when impostor feelings arise, preventing them from controlling your choices or diminishing your sense of worth.

Summary

Impostor syndrome thrives in silence and isolation, convincing you that your achievements are fraudulent while everyone else deserves their success. Throughout this journey, you've learned to recognize your patterns, understand your triggers, change your narrative, silence negative thoughts, prioritize self-care, and build a supportive network. These tools empower you to respond differently when impostor feelings arise, preventing them from controlling your choices or diminishing your sense of worth. As Valerie Sheares Ashby noted in an interview, she had impostor syndrome until age 43, finally overcoming it by "changing the negative tape" in her mind. You too can transform your internal dialogue from self-doubt to self-affirmation. Start today by speaking your truth to someone you trust—share your impostor syndrome experience and one accomplishment you're proud of but have been reluctant to claim. Breaking the silence is your first step toward owning your greatness and living the fulfilling life you deserve.

About Author

Loading...

Lisa Orbé-Austin

Read more