Saving Face

Saving Face Plot Summary

Introduction

The negotiation had gone terribly wrong. Michael, a senior executive at a global tech company, sat slumped in his chair wondering how a seemingly straightforward deal with his Asian partners had unraveled so quickly. What was meant to be a final handshake meeting had ended with strained smiles and vague promises to "continue discussions." Later that evening, Michael's local colleague explained what had happened: by pushing too aggressively for concessions in front of the entire team, Michael had caused his counterpart to "lose face" – something that could have been easily avoided with a different approach. This scenario plays out countless times in boardrooms, team meetings, and personal relationships around the world. The concept of "face" – representing one's dignity, reputation, and self-worth – transcends cultural boundaries even while taking different forms across societies. When we understand how to honor others' sense of dignity and prevent them from "losing face," we unlock a powerful form of social currency that builds trust and strengthens relationships. Through stories of both success and failure, we'll explore practical strategies for preserving dignity in our interactions, demonstrating how this fundamental human need shapes our connections in both professional and personal realms.

Chapter 1: The Universal Currency of Face: Beyond Cultural Borders

When Sarah first arrived in China to lead her company's new Shanghai office, she believed her technical expertise would be enough to gain her team's respect. During her first presentation, she confidently displayed detailed data proving why the headquarters' approach was superior to their current methods. The room fell silent. Despite her logical arguments, the team seemed resistant, even hostile. Later, her Chinese deputy director explained the problem: by publicly criticizing existing processes that senior team members had developed, Sarah had inadvertently caused them to lose face in front of their subordinates. Recognizing her misstep, Sarah changed her approach. At the next meeting, she began by acknowledging the team's achievements and expertise. "I'm impressed by what you've built here," she said sincerely. "You understand the local market in ways I never could without your help." She then framed the changes as collaborative improvements rather than corrections. "I'd like to share some ideas from headquarters that might complement your existing strengths." The shift was remarkable – team members who had been defensive now offered valuable input and embraced the modifications. In Taiwan, a client shared how a small cultural misunderstanding created a similar situation. When an American executive borrowed a local colleague's truck to move some items, he left $10 for gas with a thank-you note. Rather than appreciating the gesture, the truck owner felt deeply offended. From his perspective, the money suggested the American saw their relationship as transactional rather than a friendship where favors are exchanged without expectation of repayment. During a technology training session in Arizona, a group of visiting Chinese engineers sat quietly throughout the program, never asking questions despite clearly struggling to understand the material. When a bilingual consultant spoke with them privately in Mandarin, they admitted understanding only about 20% of the content. However, they were unwilling to admit their confusion publicly as it would cause them to lose face by appearing incompetent in front of their American hosts. These scenarios illustrate how "face" operates as a universal form of social currency. In every culture, people instinctively protect their dignity, status, and reputation. What varies is how face is expressed, threatened, and preserved across different societies. While the concept may be most explicitly recognized in Asian cultures, the desire to maintain self-respect and avoid public embarrassment is fundamentally human. Understanding face as social currency means recognizing that every interaction involves deposits and withdrawals from an invisible emotional bank account. When we honor someone's dignity, we make deposits that build trust. When we cause someone to lose face, we make withdrawals that damage the relationship. Successful leaders and communicators develop the awareness to navigate these complex dynamics, building relationships that transcend cultural differences.

Chapter 2: Honoring Face: Creating Psychological Safety

The chief operating officer of a major corporation was facing a serious crisis. Under the watch of his finance director, a frontline employee had stolen over $100,000 over eight months. The finance director had designed the entire cash flow process that allowed this fraud to go undetected. As news of the theft spread through the company, the finance director felt entirely responsible and personally victimized – a classic example of losing face. When the COO scheduled a meeting to discuss the situation, the finance director was consumed with anxiety, losing weight and sleep as he anticipated being fired. The moment arrived, and the COO walked into the conference room where the finance director waited nervously with his assistant. The COO broke the tension with one unexpected sentence: "I don't care about the theft." He continued explaining that theft is unavoidable in business, whether running a hot dog stand or a multinational company. The organization was insured and would recover financially. "I only want to know that you plan to review the process and fix it. And you seem well on your way, from what I can see," the COO concluded. The finance director's demeanor immediately brightened. He returned to his job with renewed energy and commitment, implementing robust security measures that would prevent similar incidents in the future. In another workplace, a remarkable transformation occurred when a leader consciously practiced honoring face. Mark, an experienced salesperson, was technically successful but had been passed over for promotion several times. Through 360-degree feedback, he discovered his colleagues perceived him as self-centered and unhelpful: "He only talks to me when he needs something," reported one peer. "He behaves as if his success is through his efforts alone," said another. When confronted with this feedback, Mark was devastated. He had been so focused on his individual performance that he'd neglected relationships. With coaching, he implemented simple changes: at the end of each day, he reflected on who deserved thanks and wrote sincere notes of appreciation. He proactively reached out to colleagues offering help. Six months later, follow-up feedback revealed a dramatic shift: "He is like a different person now," one colleague reported. "He's warm and helpful. I look forward to working with him." Research by Google into what makes teams successful found that the primary factor wasn't skills, experience, or even intelligence. It was psychological safety – the belief that team members won't be rejected or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, or concerns. This atmosphere allows people to take interpersonal risks without fear of losing face. The relationship between psychological safety and face is profound. When leaders honor face, they create environments where people feel valued and respected regardless of rank or role. Team members become more willing to contribute ideas, admit mistakes, and collaborate authentically. Organizations that understand this connection cultivate cultures where innovation flourishes because people aren't paralyzed by fear of embarrassment. By recognizing dignity as a fundamental human need, we can transform relationships through small but meaningful acts that honor face: acknowledging contributions publicly, providing constructive feedback privately, showing genuine interest in others' perspectives, and creating spaces where all voices are welcomed. The result is not just happier teams but more effective ones where the full potential of each member can be realized.

Chapter 3: Losing Face: The Hidden Business Cost

A global pharmaceutical company was puzzled by their inability to penetrate the Japanese market despite having superior products. Andrew, their marketing manager, had been developing a proposal for months and repeatedly consulted with his Japanese colleague Kenji about its viability. When asked if the proposal would be accepted, Kenji had replied, "It may be difficult." Taking this as merely an acknowledgment of challenges to overcome, Andrew and his American team worked for several more weeks refining the proposal. Eventually, Andrew was shocked to learn that Kenji never thought the proposal had a chance of succeeding. "Why didn't he just come out and tell me, 'No, I don't think it will succeed'?" Andrew complained. "We were just wasting our time!" The misunderstanding stemmed from different cultural approaches to negative responses. In Japanese business culture, direct rejection is avoided to preserve harmony. Phrases like "it may be difficult" or "we need to study this further" often function as gentle negatives that American ears miss entirely. In another instance, a promising technology executive nearly resigned over a misunderstanding about face. Joseph, a top salesperson from the Philippines, had inadvertently promised additional services to a customer without checking whether they could be delivered. When his American manager Mark provided feedback about checking with the service department before making such commitments, Joseph interpreted this as a devastating personal criticism. Feeling his reputation was irreparably damaged, he submitted his resignation. Mark was stunned by this reaction and quickly reassured Joseph that he valued his work and wanted him to stay. The financial costs of losing face extend far beyond these individual scenarios. When Lenovo purchased IBM's personal computer division in 2005, both companies recognized the cultural challenges ahead. At their first meeting, the Lenovo executives arrived wearing formal suits while IBM's team wore casual polo shirts and khakis. Rather than ignoring this cultural mismatch, both sides demonstrated remarkable adaptability – at the next day's meeting, the IBM executives appeared in suits while the Lenovo team wore casual attire. This mutual accommodation, accompanied by appreciative laughter, helped establish a foundation of respect that contributed to the venture's ultimate success. By contrast, an American furniture manufacturer's relationship with Chinese factory partners got off to a disastrous start when they failed to recognize the importance of face. The American executives would fly in for factory visits, spend minimal time on relationship building, then return each evening to their Hong Kong hotel, choosing Western chain restaurants over local dining options with their partners. The Chinese interpreted this behavior as dismissive of their hospitality efforts, creating friction that complicated business operations for years. The connection between face and business outcomes isn't merely cultural sensitivity – it's financial common sense. Studies consistently show that employees leave organizations primarily because they don't feel appreciated, not because of compensation issues. Each time a valuable team member departs due to a preventable loss of face, companies incur substantial replacement costs while losing institutional knowledge and team cohesion. Similarly, negotiations stall and partnerships dissolve when dignity isn't preserved, creating opportunity costs that rarely appear on balance sheets but profoundly impact organizational success. By understanding these hidden costs, leaders can make preserving dignity a strategic priority, investing in the emotional intelligence needed to prevent unnecessary face loss throughout their organizations.

Chapter 4: Authentic Acts of Saving Face

A technology company in Arizona invited a group of engineers from China for a week-long technical training session. The company prepared a comprehensive 200-page manual and began instruction immediately upon the visitors' arrival. Despite the Chinese engineers sitting quietly through the sessions and asking few questions, something clearly wasn't working. When a bilingual consultant spoke privately with the group in Mandarin, the truth emerged: they understood only about 20% of the material but were unwilling to admit their confusion publicly. Rather than embarrassing the Chinese team by exposing their difficulties, the consultant asked for permission to share their feedback anonymously. Together, they developed practical solutions: asking the instructor to speak more slowly, allowing the group time to discuss concepts among themselves before formulating questions, providing documentation well in advance, and incorporating more hands-on demonstrations. The company extended the training by another week, resulting in a successful knowledge transfer that preserved everyone's dignity. In a different scenario, a senior executive at a multinational telecommunication company was promoted to lead design teams from China, Japan, and the United States. Accustomed to the deference he received from his previous all-Chinese team, he struggled when American team members offered their own design ideas rather than waiting for his direction. Uncomfortable with this dynamic, he would say "That's fine" during meetings but then disregard their suggestions entirely, meeting privately with his Chinese team to develop different solutions. When the American team discovered their designs were being discarded without discussion, frustration mounted. A coach helped the executive recognize that his leadership style was rooted in hierarchical and relationship-based decision-making that didn't translate to his new multicultural environment. By developing cultural agility – the ability to adapt his approach to different contexts – he learned to leverage the diverse perspectives of his global team rather than seeing them as challenges to his authority. Authentic face-saving isn't about avoiding difficult conversations or sugarcoating problems. It's about addressing issues in ways that preserve dignity. When a factory in Dongguan, China, struggled to manufacture furniture according to an American company's blueprints, they repeatedly added metal rods that weren't in the design specifications. Rather than following instructions to remove them, the factory kept incorporating the unwanted elements. The Americans interpreted this as defiance or incompetence until they assigned a local manager to investigate. The truth was illuminating: the Chinese factory lacked experience with certain metal joints required by the design but felt admitting this limitation would cause them to lose face. Once the American company understood the real issue, they assured the factory of their confidence in their abilities and worked collaboratively to source the needed components. The tables were ultimately produced according to specifications, and the relationship strengthened rather than fractured. These stories reveal the essential qualities of authentic face-saving: empathy, cultural awareness, and a genuine commitment to preserving dignity while still achieving objectives. Face-saving isn't manipulation or avoidance – it's recognizing the human need for respect that underlies all professional interactions. When we approach challenges with this understanding, we transform potential conflicts into opportunities for deeper connection and more effective collaboration.

Chapter 5: The BUILD Model: A Framework for Relationships

Larry, a senior executive at Caterpillar Inc., was working to establish the company's products in Thailand when he encountered a puzzling situation. After developing a promising engine rental business concept with two managers at a local industrial supplier, Larry presented the idea to the company's president. The presentation seemed to be going well until the president quietly spoke to his managers in Thai. Suddenly, the two managers who had enthusiastically supported the rental concept began echoing their president's concerns and raising additional objections. Larry's initial internal reaction was frustration: "These two guys have no backbone! Are they so afraid of their boss that they'll cave at the slightest disagreement?" Instead of voicing this reaction, however, Larry calmly suggested they reconvene after he'd had time to address the president's concerns. In a private conversation afterward, Larry discovered that his Thai colleagues actually thought the meeting had gone relatively well. Their apparent shift in position was simply a show of respect for their president, who had mentioned a previous unsuccessful rental program. Confronting him directly would have caused everyone to lose face. Understanding this cultural dynamic, Larry spent the next several days developing solutions to each concern raised. He first shared these with the two managers to gain their input, then scheduled a follow-up meeting where he acknowledged the president's concerns before presenting thoughtful responses. This approach respected the hierarchical decision-making process while still advancing the business opportunity. The president approved the program, which eventually became Caterpillar's second-largest revenue generator in Thailand. This success story illustrates the power of the BUILD model – a framework for developing strong relationships across cultural differences: Benevolence and Accountability form the foundation. Larry demonstrated genuine care for his Thai colleagues' perspectives while still holding everyone accountable for business results. This balance prevented the relationship from becoming either purely transactional or ineffectively personal. Understanding comes next, requiring leaders to view situations from multiple perspectives. Larry recognized that what appeared as inconsistency from his Western viewpoint made perfect sense within Thai business culture. Interaction follows, emphasizing the importance of both verbal and non-verbal communication. Larry maintained open dialogue with his colleagues even when confused by their behavior, creating space for honest exchange. Learning involves developing curiosity and cultural knowledge. Larry's willingness to look beyond his initial impressions allowed him to discover the underlying dynamics at play. Delivery brings everything together – applying insights from the previous steps to create effective solutions. Larry's carefully prepared follow-up presentation demonstrated respect for hierarchy while still achieving business objectives. The BUILD model proves especially valuable when facing the "curve balls" that inevitably arise in cross-cultural business. When an American furniture company sent detailed blueprints to a Chinese factory but received tables with unwanted metal rods between the legs, frustration mounted as the factory repeatedly ignored instructions to remove them. The mystery was solved when a local representative discovered the factory lacked experience with the specified metal joints but felt admitting this would cause them to lose face. By applying the BUILD model – showing benevolence, understanding the underlying issue, maintaining positive interaction, learning about the technical limitations, and delivering a collaborative solution – the companies preserved their relationship while achieving the desired product specifications. These examples demonstrate how the BUILD framework transforms potential conflicts into opportunities for deeper connection and more effective collaboration. By treating face as a form of social currency to be carefully managed, leaders can navigate complex cross-cultural dynamics while building lasting trust.

Chapter 6: Cultural Agility: Adapting Your Face Strategy

When Maya's brother Steven leads tour groups from Taiwan and China around the world, he must navigate between the customs of whatever country they're visiting and the preferences of his guests. He needs to know which foods are available locally and what his guests might enjoy, whether they'd prefer shopping or museum visits, and how to respect local customs – like covering shoulders when entering Italian cathedrals. With very few countries he hasn't toured, Steven embodies what might be called "cultural agility on the fly." This ability to adapt across cultural contexts isn't merely helpful for tour guides – it's essential for global leaders. A senior telecommunication executive named Sam struggled after being promoted from leading an all-Chinese team to managing design teams from China, Japan, and the United States. Accustomed to the deference of his Chinese colleagues, Sam was unprepared when American team members offered their own design ideas during conference calls. Uncertain how to respond, he would say "That's fine" but then meet separately with his Chinese team to develop different solutions, which he'd send to the American team without explanation. The Americans were understandably confused and frustrated. Why had Sam appeared to approve their designs only to discard them? The root of the problem wasn't Sam's competence but his cultural lens – he was operating from a hierarchical, relationship-based leadership style that prioritized harmony within his established circle. Without self-awareness about these cultural assumptions or knowledge about American workplace expectations, Sam couldn't shift his style to effectively lead his multinational team. Cultural agility combines three essential elements: self-awareness, cultural knowledge, and style shifting. The AAA model (Aware-Acquire-Adapt) provides a practical framework for developing these capabilities. First, leaders must become aware of their own cultural values and biases. Next, they acquire knowledge about other cultures without judgment. Finally, they adapt their behaviors to bridge differences while maintaining authenticity. This approach proved valuable for Prabal, an Indian-American executive working with a bank in Oman. When his Middle Eastern colleagues showed little urgency about completing projects, often using what they jokingly called "IBM Principles" – Inshallah! (God willing!), Bukra! (Tomorrow!), and Mafi mushkilla! (No problem!) – Prabal was initially frustrated. By applying the AAA model, he reflected on his American work expectations, learned about Middle Eastern cultural values, and then introduced productive work habits by pairing his team with global colleagues. Performance improved significantly as team members integrated different approaches. Cultural agility extends to understanding communication differences across contexts. In Japanese culture, for instance, there are many ways to express "no" without ever using the word itself. When Andrew, a marketing manager, asked his Japanese colleague Kenji if a proposal would succeed and received the response "It may be difficult," he interpreted this as acknowledging challenges rather than the gentle rejection it actually represented. This misunderstanding wasted weeks of effort that could have been avoided with greater cultural awareness. Even weather preferences can reveal cultural perspectives. During a sweltering summer day in Wiesbaden, Germany, Maya initially sought an air-conditioned room for a working lunch, while her German colleagues hoped to enjoy the sunshine after an unseasonably cold spring. This small example illustrates how personal histories shape perceptions of even the most basic experiences. By developing cultural agility, leaders create environments where face is preserved across differences, allowing diverse teams to collaborate effectively despite varying expectations around communication, hierarchy, and relationship building.

Chapter 7: Face in Leadership: Feedback and Innovation

Mark was considered one of his company's top performers, consistently exceeding sales targets and earning top-tier compensation. Yet despite his impressive results, he had been passed over for promotion several times. Puzzled by this pattern, Mark sought executive coaching that included 360-degree feedback from colleagues. The results were eye-opening: "He's not a team player," reported one peer. "He only talks to me when he needs something," said another. "He behaves as if his success is through his efforts alone," commented a third. When reviewing this feedback, Mark was nearly in tears. He had focused so intently on individual achievement that he'd neglected relationship building. With coaching, he developed simple daily practices: reflecting on who deserved thanks and writing sincere notes of appreciation, proactively offering help to colleagues, and showing genuine interest in others. Six months later, follow-up feedback revealed a dramatic transformation: "He is like a different person now. He's warm and helpful. I look forward to working with him." This story illustrates how face – the preservation of dignity and self-worth – fundamentally shapes workplace dynamics, particularly when providing feedback. Leaders who understand this connection approach feedback as an opportunity to honor face rather than diminish it. In "The Feedback Fallacy," Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall note that managers typically give feedback only after something goes wrong. This remediation approach inhibits learning and doesn't lead to improved performance. By contrast, effective feedback balances honesty with dignity preservation. The Center for Creative Leadership recommends the SBII approach: describe the Situation, the observable Behavior, its Impact on you, then Inquire about the intention. For example: "At yesterday's meeting, you raised your voice when Sally questioned your data. It made the team uncomfortable about speaking up. What was going through your mind?" This approach focuses on specific behaviors rather than character judgments, minimizing defensive reactions. Leaders should avoid both "blunt talk" (delivering feedback without considering timing, place, or feelings) and "safe talk" (dropping vague hints that create confusion rather than clarity). Instead, "straight talk" delivers clear messages in ways that maintain respect and dignity. Innovation similarly depends on face preservation. At Pixar Animation Studios, the "plussing technique" encourages building on others' ideas with "Yes, and..." rather than "Yes, but..." responses. This approach creates psychological safety – the belief that one won't be rejected or humiliated for speaking up – which Google's research identified as the primary characteristic of high-performing teams. Steve Jobs understood this connection between debate and innovation. He likened team discussions to a rock tumbler – noisy and sometimes uncomfortable, but capable of transforming rough stones into polished gems. The key was removing ego from the equation: "I don't mind being wrong," Jobs said. "What matters is that we do the right thing." This willingness to be proven wrong created an environment where ideas could compete while people remained respected. Leaders who master face-preserving feedback create cultures where team members feel valued enough to take risks, share unconventional ideas, and admit mistakes. The result isn't just happier employees – it's breakthrough innovation, stronger performance, and organizations that learn and adapt faster than their competitors.

Summary

Throughout our journey exploring the concept of face, we've discovered that beneath cultural differences lies a universal human need for dignity and respect. Whether in an American boardroom, a Chinese factory, or a Middle Eastern bank, people respond to being valued in remarkably similar ways. The executive who receives difficult feedback without feeling diminished, the engineer who can admit uncertainty without shame, the salesperson who feels appreciated despite making mistakes – all experience the power of preserved face as a catalyst for growth rather than a shield against it. The wisdom of face preservation offers practical guidance for our increasingly connected world. First, treat dignity as social currency – making regular deposits through sincere appreciation before needing to make withdrawals through criticism or disagreement. Second, adapt your approach across cultures using frameworks like the BUILD model and AAA method, recognizing that face may be expressed differently while remaining equally important. Finally, create environments of psychological safety where people can take risks without fear of humiliation, enabling both individual growth and organizational innovation. In doing so, we transform our relationships from transactional exchanges to authentic connections built on mutual respect – the foundation for trust in both personal and professional spheres. As we honor the face of others, we discover that dignity isn't a limited resource to be protected but an abundant one that grows whenever it's freely given.

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Maya Hu-Chan

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