Sex for One

Sex for One Plot Summary

Introduction

Sexual pleasure is an integral part of human existence, yet society has consistently suppressed and stigmatized self-pleasure, particularly masturbation. This stigmatization has not only led to unnecessary guilt and shame but has also served as a powerful tool for controlling individuals, especially women, by alienating them from their own bodies and desires. Throughout history, masturbation has been vilified as sinful, pathological, or at best, a poor substitute for partnered sex, revealing deeply entrenched cultural politics designed to maintain sexual repression. By reclaiming masturbation as a healthy, natural expression of sexuality, individuals can embark on a journey of profound self-discovery and empowerment. This liberation goes far beyond physical pleasure—it challenges oppressive power structures, promotes bodily autonomy, and fosters genuine sexual consciousness. Through personal narratives, cultural analysis, and practical guidance, a path emerges where self-pleasure becomes not just acceptable but celebrated as fundamental to sexual liberation, self-knowledge, and ultimately, to creating more authentic connections with others. The radical proposition is that true sexual freedom begins with embracing our relationship with ourselves.

Chapter 1: The Cultural Politics of Sexual Suppression

The suppression of masturbation represents one of the most pervasive and damaging manifestations of sexual control in Western society. Religious institutions have historically led this campaign, framing self-pleasure as sinful and immoral, despite no explicit biblical prohibition. This religious condemnation served a clear purpose: ensuring procreation within marriage and maintaining social control through sexual repression. By creating shame around natural sexual expression, powerful institutions effectively prevented individuals from developing sexual autonomy. This suppression has been particularly harmful to women, who have faced a double standard regarding sexuality. While male sexuality has been somewhat accepted (though still regulated), female pleasure—especially self-directed pleasure—has been rendered virtually invisible or pathologized. Medical institutions reinforced this control, with physicians in the 19th and early 20th centuries diagnosing women who expressed sexual desire as "hysterical" or mentally ill. The medical establishment thus became complicit in denying women agency over their own bodies and desires. The political dimension of this suppression cannot be overstated. When individuals are alienated from their bodies and natural desires, they become more susceptible to external authority and control. A population inhibited by sexual shame is easier to manipulate through guilt, fear, and insecurity. This creates a cycle where people internalize sexual repression and then enforce it upon others, becoming unwitting agents in their own oppression. Parents transmit sexual shame to children, teachers avoid comprehensive sex education, and media perpetuates myths about "normal" sexuality. Modern sexual suppression has evolved into more subtle forms. Even in allegedly progressive societies, masturbation remains largely unmentionable in polite conversation, sex education rarely addresses self-pleasure positively, and cultural messaging continues to frame partnered sex as the only legitimate sexual expression. These attitudes are not accidental but systematically maintained to preserve existing power structures. The fear of sexual autonomy extends beyond individual control to maintaining gender hierarchies. When women discover sexual pleasure independently of men, traditional gender roles are threatened. Similarly, when men reject aggressive sexual stereotypes in favor of self-exploration, toxic masculinity loses its grip. This explains why even seemingly progressive voices sometimes react negatively to frank discussions of masturbation—it fundamentally challenges the status quo. Understanding masturbation suppression as political rather than moral or medical reveals why liberation is so revolutionary. Self-pleasure becomes an act of resistance against systems that profit from insecurity and alienation. By reclaiming ownership of personal pleasure, individuals take the first crucial step toward broader sexual and social liberation.

Chapter 2: Masturbation as a Form of Self-Knowledge and Liberation

Masturbation offers a unique pathway to authentic self-knowledge that cannot be accessed through any other means. When individuals engage in self-pleasure without the pressure to perform for or please another person, they create a sacred space for pure exploration. This intimate dialogue with one's own body reveals preferences, responses, and desires that might otherwise remain undiscovered. Unlike partnered sexual experiences, which involve complex interpersonal dynamics, masturbation allows for complete focus on personal sensation and response. This self-knowledge has profound implications, particularly for women who have historically been disconnected from their sexual autonomy. Through masturbation, women discover the specific types of touch, pressure, rhythm, and stimulation that bring them pleasure. They learn that orgasms vary in intensity and quality, that arousal follows unique patterns, and that their bodies respond differently depending on countless variables from hormonal cycles to emotional states. This detailed understanding becomes invaluable when communicated to partners, transforming sexual relationships from guesswork into informed collaboration. The liberating aspects of masturbation extend far beyond the physical realm. For many, the greatest barrier to sexual fulfillment is not physical but psychological—internalized shame, religious guilt, fear of judgment, or anxiety about "normalcy." Regular self-pleasure gradually erodes these barriers as individuals repeatedly confront and move through their discomfort. Each positive experience creates a counter-narrative to cultural messaging about sexuality being dirty, shameful, or problematic. The resulting psychological freedom often extends beyond sexuality into greater overall self-acceptance. Masturbation also liberates people from harmful dependency in sexual relationships. When individuals can satisfy their own sexual needs, they make choices about partners based on genuine connection rather than sexual desperation. This independence challenges traditional power dynamics in relationships where one person (historically often the man) controls access to sexual pleasure. The person who knows how to pleasure themselves brings equality to the sexual exchange, shifting from dependency to interdependence. For marginalized groups, masturbation can be especially liberating. Those with disabilities often face infantilization or desexualization by society, while transgender individuals may experience complex relationships with their bodies. Self-pleasure affirms sexual agency regardless of how one's body conforms to societal norms or expectations. It declares that sexual pleasure is a human right, not a privilege reserved for those who meet arbitrary standards of desirability or ability. Perhaps most revolutionary is how masturbation liberation can disrupt capitalist systems that profit from sexual insecurity. When people discover they possess the innate ability to experience profound pleasure without purchasing products, services, or even gaining another's approval, they step outside the marketplace of desirability. This self-sufficiency represents a radical form of freedom in a culture that commodifies nearly every aspect of human experience, including sexuality.

Chapter 3: Genital Image and Body Acceptance

Cultural messaging has created profound alienation from our bodies, particularly our genitals. From childhood, most individuals receive either explicit negative messages about their genitals or, equally damaging, complete silence that implies these body parts are unspeakable. This alienation manifests differently across genders but creates universal harm. For many women, the first time they truly examine their vulvas is well into adulthood, if ever. Men often have complex relationships with penis size and performance, despite outward bravado. This disconnection from such an integral part of ourselves represents a fundamental rupture in our relationship with our whole beings. The path to genital acceptance requires confronting deeply ingrained negative beliefs. Many individuals carry an internal image of their genitals as inherently ugly, malformed, or abnormal. This perception stems from limited exposure to the natural diversity of human genitalia. Unlike faces or hands, which we see in infinite variation daily, genitals remain largely hidden, with pornography often presenting a narrow, surgically-modified ideal. When individuals finally see the true range of genital appearance through educational resources or workshops, the revelation is often profound and healing. The recognition that one's genitals are simply a natural variation rather than a deviation from some perfect ideal can dissolve years of shame. Language plays a crucial role in genital acceptance. The terms we use to describe genitals—clinical, euphemistic, or slang—each carry implicit messages about value and appropriateness. Reclaiming direct, descriptive language without apology or embarrassment challenges the notion that these body parts are unspeakable. Particularly for women, embracing terms like "vulva," "clitoris," and even reclaiming previously derogatory terms like "cunt" represents a radical act of linguistic and bodily autonomy. This linguistic reclamation has parallels in other movements where marginalized groups have reclaimed terms previously used against them. Visual representation transforms abstract knowledge into embodied understanding. Creating or viewing genital artwork, studying anatomical drawings, or directly observing one's genitals in a mirror all contribute to normalizing these body parts. Each exposure gradually rewrites neural pathways, replacing disgust or shame with familiarity and eventually appreciation. The historical absence of diverse genital imagery in art and media has been a powerful tool of suppression; conversely, creating and sharing such imagery becomes an act of liberation. The journey toward genital acceptance ultimately expands into broader body acceptance. As individuals come to appreciate this most stigmatized part of themselves, they often find greater ease with their entire physical being. This holistic self-acceptance has profound implications for overall wellbeing. Research consistently shows that positive body image correlates with better mental health outcomes, more satisfying relationships, and even improved physical health markers. By contrast, genital shame correlates with decreased sexual pleasure, higher risk behaviors, and reluctance to seek appropriate medical care. The revolutionary potential of genital acceptance extends beyond individual healing to social transformation. When large numbers of people refuse to be ashamed of their bodies, cultural narratives shift. Industries that profit from body shame—from cosmetic surgery to certain beauty products—lose power. Medical care improves as patients advocate knowledgeably for themselves. Sexual communication becomes more direct and effective. These ripple effects demonstrate how seemingly personal work on genital acceptance becomes a powerful force for broader social change.

Chapter 4: Group Experiences and Sexual Consciousness-Raising

The isolation that surrounds sexuality in modern society creates a fertile ground for shame, misinformation, and exploitation. Breaking this isolation through intentional group experiences has proven to be one of the most transformative approaches to sexual healing. Drawing inspiration from feminist consciousness-raising groups of the 1970s, sexuality workshops create safe spaces where individuals can share experiences, challenge assumptions, and witness the universal nature of their previously private struggles. The simple act of speaking openly about sexual experiences in a supportive group setting often produces profound emotional release. These group experiences operate through several powerful mechanisms. First, they normalize the diversity of human sexual response. Participants discover that bodies look, function, and respond in myriad ways—all equally valid. Second, they provide accurate information to counter cultural myths about sexuality. Common revelations include learning that many women require direct clitoral stimulation for orgasm, that arousal and response times vary dramatically between individuals, and that sexual preferences evolve throughout life. Third, these settings allow participants to witness others moving through shame toward acceptance, creating powerful models for their own healing journey. The structure of effective sexual consciousness-raising groups balances safety with appropriate vulnerability. Clear boundaries and consent protocols create the necessary foundation for exploration. Skilled facilitation ensures that discussions remain respectful while still challenging internalized oppression. Physical spaces are designed to be both comfortable and separate from everyday environments, creating a temporary "sacred space" where normal social rules about sexual discussion are suspended. These carefully considered elements allow participants to temporarily step outside societal conditioning. Communal nudity, when incorporated with appropriate preparation and consent, adds a powerful dimension to sexual consciousness-raising. For many participants, being naked in a non-sexual context with diverse bodies proves revolutionary. They witness firsthand how media images have distorted their perception of what bodies "should" look like. The vulnerability of nudity also creates a profound equality among participants, stripping away status markers and fostering genuine connection. This experience directly counters the commodification of bodies so prevalent in modern culture. Group masturbation represents perhaps the most radical form of sexual consciousness-raising. By bringing this most private act into a communal space, participants directly confront and move through layers of shame and secrecy. They witness the diversity of masturbation techniques, timing, and responses. They experience the powerful validation of having their sexual expression witnessed without judgment. And perhaps most significantly, they reclaim masturbation from the realm of furtive, shameful behavior to a celebrated act of self-knowledge and pleasure. The transformation that occurs in sexual consciousness-raising groups extends far beyond the sessions themselves. Participants report lasting changes in sexual confidence, communication abilities, and relationship patterns. Many become informal educators in their communities, sharing accurate information and challenging harmful myths. Some discover a calling to formal sexuality education or therapy work. These ripple effects demonstrate how group sexual healing creates not just individual transformation but cultural change, as each participant carries new awareness into their relationships and communities.

Chapter 5: The Therapeutic Value of Fantasy and Creativity

Sexual fantasy represents one of the most misunderstood and unnecessarily stigmatized aspects of human sexuality. Far from being mere escapism or a sign of dissatisfaction with real-life partners, fantasy serves numerous psychological and emotional functions. It provides a safe laboratory for exploring desires without risk or judgment. It offers temporary escape from limiting sexual scripts and identities. It allows individuals to process complex emotions, power dynamics, and even traumatic experiences in a controlled environment. Understanding fantasy as a natural and valuable aspect of sexuality liberates individuals from needless guilt and self-judgment. The content of sexual fantasies rarely correlates directly with actual desires or values. A common misunderstanding leads many to feel shame about fantasies that contradict their conscious beliefs or desires. For example, feminist women who fantasize about submission scenarios often experience conflict between their politics and their erotic imagination. However, research consistently shows that fantasy content operates according to different psychological principles than conscious desire. The mind uses fantasy to explore emotional themes, power dynamics, and taboo subjects precisely because they are complicated or forbidden in real life. Creative sexual imagination develops through conscious cultivation. Many individuals report limited fantasy lives due to religious conditioning, media consumption patterns, or lack of exposure to diverse sexual narratives. Expanding one's fantasy repertoire becomes an act of creative development similar to other artistic pursuits. Reading varied erotica, experimenting with different mental scenarios during masturbation, and even discussing fantasies with trusted partners all contribute to developing this creative capacity. As with other creative skills, regular practice leads to increased fluency and satisfaction. Fantasy serves as a bridge between conscious and unconscious aspects of sexuality. Through fantasy, individuals can access desires, fears, and patterns that might otherwise remain inaccessible to conscious awareness. This integrative function has profound psychological value, bringing wholeness to previously fragmented aspects of identity. When approached with curiosity rather than judgment, even disturbing or confusing fantasies can provide valuable insights into one's psychological landscape, offering clues to unresolved issues or unacknowledged needs. The therapeutic application of fantasy extends beyond private mental exploration to role-playing and consensual enactment. When partners share fantasies and selectively bring elements into their physical interactions, they create opportunities for profound intimacy and healing. This sharing requires vulnerability and trust, as revealing one's fantasy life exposes aspects of the psyche typically kept private. The process of negotiating which elements to enact and establishing boundaries creates a collaborative container that can transform potentially problematic fantasy content into mutually satisfying experiences. Fantasy also provides essential erotic continuity throughout life transitions. As bodies age, health conditions emerge, or relationships evolve, the physical expression of sexuality necessarily changes. The imagination, however, remains infinitely adaptable. Individuals who have developed rich fantasy lives report greater sexual satisfaction during pregnancy, illness, aging, and other transitions that affect physical sexual expression. This adaptability highlights how sexual creativity serves as a renewable resource that supports lifelong sexual vitality independent of physical circumstances.

Chapter 6: Sexual Empowerment Across the Lifespan

The journey of sexual self-discovery and empowerment unfolds uniquely across different life stages, each presenting distinct challenges and opportunities. Childhood sexuality, though rarely acknowledged in mainstream discourse, forms the foundation for lifelong sexual attitudes. Children naturally explore their bodies and experience pleasure without the cultural baggage adults carry. How caregivers respond to this natural exploration—with shame, punishment, neutral acceptance, or positive guidance—profoundly shapes future sexual development. Creating environments where children can develop healthy relationships with their bodies, appropriate boundaries, and language for their experiences lays groundwork for lifelong sexual well-being. Adolescence brings intensified sexual feelings amid minimal guidance, creating a perfect storm of confusion, shame, and risk. Young people navigate powerful biological drives while bombarded with contradictory cultural messages—be sexy but not sexual, be desirable but not desiring. During this crucial period, masturbation offers a safe harbor for sexual exploration without pregnancy risk or emotional complications of partnered sex. Yet precisely when this self-knowledge would be most valuable, social taboos around masturbation often reach their peak intensity, leaving adolescents without this vital resource for understanding their changing bodies. Early adulthood traditionally centers on sexual partnership formation, often at the expense of continued self-exploration. Many young adults rush into sexual relationships without knowing their own preferences, boundaries, or responses. This knowledge gap creates relationships built on guesswork, assumption, and often disappointment. Incorporating self-pleasure as a continuing practice during this relationship-focused phase allows individuals to bring evolving self-knowledge into partnerships. This integration creates more authentic connections where self-understanding complements rather than competes with partnered sexuality. Middle adulthood brings shifting bodies, responsibilities, and priorities that challenge sexual expression. Career pressure, parenting demands, and relationship changes can sideline sexuality. Physical changes—from hormonal fluctuations to changing body composition—require adaptation. During this phase, self-pleasure provides consistency amid change. It offers efficient stress relief during time-constrained periods and serves as a laboratory for exploring how to navigate changing bodily responses. Regular masturbation during this phase helps maintain neural pathways of pleasure that might otherwise atrophy from disuse during sexually fallow periods. The menopausal transition represents a profound sexual turning point for women that can either diminish or enhance sexual empowerment. Physical changes including vaginal dryness, decreased tissue elasticity, and hormonal fluctuations require adaptive approaches to pleasure. Society often frames this transition as the end of sexuality, yet many women report increased sexual satisfaction post-menopause when freed from pregnancy concerns and equipped with decades of self-knowledge. Regular self-pleasure during this transition helps maintain tissue health, circulation, and neural responsiveness while exploring adaptations that accommodate physical changes. Later life sexuality remains perhaps the most taboo aspect of the sexual lifespan, rendered nearly invisible in cultural representations. Older bodies experience significant changes in response patterns, requiring more direct stimulation, longer arousal periods, and adaptations for physical limitations. Yet the capacity for pleasure remains intact well into advanced age. Self-pleasure in later life maintains sexual function, provides emotional regulation, and supports overall well-being. For those who have lost partners or lack access to potential partners, masturbation offers continuing access to embodied pleasure when other sexual options diminish.

Chapter 7: Breaking Down Gender Barriers in Self-Pleasure

Gender socialization creates fundamentally different relationships to masturbation across the gender spectrum. From earliest childhood, boys typically receive mixed messages about masturbation—officially discouraged yet unofficially expected as normal male behavior. Girls, by contrast, often receive no messages whatsoever, creating an information vacuum filled with shame and confusion. This gendered messaging creates lasting differences in masturbation frequency, techniques, attitudes, and integration into adult sexuality. Recognizing these differences as cultural rather than biological opens possibilities for more expansive sexual expression regardless of gender identity. Female masturbation challenges fundamental patriarchal assumptions about women's sexuality. The woman who pleasures herself disrupts the narrative that female sexuality exists primarily to satisfy male desires or for reproductive purposes. She discovers her capacity for independent pleasure, undermining systems that weaponize sexual access as control mechanisms. This discovery fundamentally alters relationship dynamics, allowing women to choose partners based on authentic connection rather than sexual dependency. Self-pleasuring women also develop precise knowledge of their sexual responses, enabling them to guide partners rather than passively hoping for satisfaction. Male masturbation presents different liberation challenges. While more acknowledged culturally, it remains narrowly defined and surrounded by performance anxiety. Many men masturbate primarily for physical release rather than exploration or pleasure cultivation. Techniques often emphasize speed and efficiency rather than sensation awareness or emotional connection. Expanding male masturbation beyond these confines offers men access to greater sexual and emotional range. Men who explore slower pacing, varied techniques, full-body awareness, and emotional presence during masturbation often report more satisfying partnered experiences and greater overall wellbeing. Transgender and non-binary individuals face unique challenges in developing empowered relationships with self-pleasure. Physical dysphoria may create disconnection from genital anatomy that doesn't align with gender identity. Cultural messaging offers few models for how to navigate sexuality outside the cisgender binary. Yet masturbation can become a powerful tool for reconciling physical reality with gender identity. Through self-touch, individuals can explore which sensations feel affirming rather than triggering, discover personally meaningful language for their bodies, and cultivate pleasure separate from culturally gendered sexual scripts. Gender-diverse masturbation practices can inspire broader sexual liberation. When individuals explore techniques and approaches traditionally associated with different genders, they discover new possibilities for pleasure. Men who incorporate traditionally "feminine" approaches—slower pacing, whole-body awareness, emotional presence—often report more satisfying experiences. Women who explore traditionally "masculine" approaches—visual stimuli, direct genital focus, or assertive fantasy—may access previously untapped sources of arousal. This cross-pollination of techniques challenges the artificial limitations created by gendered sexual socialization. The integration of technology into self-pleasure practices particularly highlights gendered double standards. Vibrators and other pleasure devices designed primarily for women have gradually gained cultural acceptance, even appearing in mainstream media. However, devices designed for male pleasure remain highly stigmatized and marginalized. This disparity reveals continuing discomfort with male sexual vulnerability and pleasure-seeking. Creating equal cultural space for all genders to utilize pleasure-enhancing technology represents another frontier in dismantling gendered barriers to sexual empowerment.

Summary

The liberation of masturbation represents far more than normalizing a natural biological function—it constitutes a radical reclamation of bodily autonomy and a direct challenge to systems of control that have operated through sexual shame for centuries. By embracing self-pleasure as a fundamental right and valuable practice, individuals begin dismantling internalized oppression while simultaneously undermining external power structures that profit from sexual alienation. This process transforms not only personal sexual experience but also relationships, communities, and ultimately culture itself as each person who reclaims their sexual agency becomes a node of resistance against sexual suppression. The transformative journey of sexual self-acceptance follows a path from isolation to connection, from shame to celebration, and from dependency to autonomy. Through conscious self-pleasure, accurate information, supportive community, and creative exploration, individuals discover their capacity for embodied joy independent of external validation or permission. This discovery catalyzes a profound shift in consciousness with implications far beyond sexuality itself—it challenges the very foundations of social control mechanisms that rely on disconnection from bodily wisdom. For those willing to embrace this journey, masturbation becomes not merely a sexual act but a revolutionary practice of reclaiming the inherent right to pleasure, knowledge, and sovereignty over one's most intimate experiences.

About Author

Loading...

Betty Dodson

Betty Dodson is an American sex educator, author, and artist. Dodson held the first one-woman show of erotic art at the Wickersham Gallery in New York City in 1968. She left the art world to teach sex to women. She is widely known as a pioneer in women's, and to a somewhat lesser extent men's, sexual liberation, having sold more than 1 million copies of her first book, Sex for One. Much of her fame has come from her work not only advocating masturbation, but conducting workshops for more than 30 years in which groups of about 10 or more women (and at least once a group of men) would talk, explore their own bodies, and masturbate together. She hosted a Public-access television cable television program in New York City in the early 80's, and conducted her workshop - a dozen or so nude women discussing and practicing masturbation - on TV.Dodson's books include Liberating Masturbation, a self-published book that became a feminist classic[citation needed]. Sex for One: The Joy of Self-Loving and Orgasms for Two: the Joy of Partnersex. She also produced four videos: Selfloving: Portrait of a Sexual Seminar, Celebrating Orgasm: Women's Private Selfloving Sessions, Viva la Vulva; Women's Sex Organs Revealed and The Orgasm Doctor": Two Private Hands-on Sex Coaching Sessions.She is a founder of the pro-sex feminist movement[citation needed], having left behind the more traditional feminist movement because she considered it banal, antisexual and over-politicized. Dodson considers too much is made of sexual labels and embraces them all by calling herself a heterosexual, bisexual lesbian. She looks forward to the day we can all be just "sexual."Dodson has a degree from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality for her research work on sexuality.Dodson maintains a private practice in New York City. While she doesn't presently offer her Bodysex Workshops, she is available for private individual and couples coaching.Dodson appeared in a Season 4 episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshit! that dealt with abstinence. She was also on The View, and has appeared in numerous sex documentaries.Most recently, Dodson has partnered with Carlin Ross and created a sexuality portal for women under the brand Dodson and Ross. Together, they're launching an online video series "Basic Sex Skills: The New Porn.

Read more