Stop Doing That Sh*t

Stop Doing That Sh*t Plot Summary

Introduction

We all have moments when we stand in our own way. Those times when we're so close to achieving something meaningful, only to watch ourselves pull back at the last moment, sabotage our progress, or retreat to familiar patterns that keep us stuck. This self-defeating cycle isn't random or accidental—it's a deeply ingrained system operating beneath our conscious awareness. What if the very struggles you face aren't evidence of your weakness, but rather signs of a powerful subconscious mechanism designed to keep you safe and comfortable? Throughout these pages, we'll explore how your mind creates self-protective patterns that paradoxically hold you back from growth. You'll discover the hidden conclusions you've formed about yourself, others, and life itself that drive your self-sabotaging behaviors. More importantly, you'll learn how to redirect your focus away from these limiting beliefs and toward a future-driven life where your actions align with your deepest aspirations rather than your deepest fears.

Chapter 1: Recognize Your Sabotage Patterns

Self-sabotage isn't always dramatic or obvious. While some people engage in clearly destructive behaviors like addiction or compulsive gambling, most of us undermine ourselves in subtle, everyday ways. Perhaps you consistently hit the snooze button despite wanting to start your day earlier. Maybe you procrastinate on important projects until the last minute, or you find yourself picking fights in otherwise healthy relationships. These seemingly minor actions form a pattern that keeps you cycling through the same results. The root of these patterns lies in what happens beneath your conscious awareness. Research suggests that 95-99% of our daily actions are driven by subconscious programming. As neuroscientist David Eagleman explains, "The conscious part—the 'me' that flickers to life when you wake up in the morning—is only a tiny bit of the operations." This means you're essentially operating on autopilot most of the time, guided by internal programming you didn't consciously create. Consider Tommy's story from the book. While waiting for his coffee at a busy café, Tommy turned abruptly without looking and collided with another customer. Coffee went everywhere, and Tommy immediately snapped, "SERIOUSLY, MAN?!" blaming the other person. From Tommy's perspective, someone carelessly bumped into him. But an observer saw the full picture: Tommy was agitated before the incident, dropped his credit card, corrected the barista about his name, then turned without looking. This illustrates how we experience life through our own limited perspective, forming conclusions we believe are objective truth. Your self-sabotage emerges from this gap between your subjective experience and reality. You've formed conclusions about yourself, others, and life based on limited information, yet you operate as if these conclusions are absolute truth. These beliefs become the lens through which you interpret everything, creating a self-reinforcing cycle that keeps you stuck in familiar patterns. To break free, you must first recognize these patterns without judgment. Notice when you're engaging in behaviors that undermine your goals. Pay attention to the thoughts and emotions that arise when you face setbacks. What automatic reactions do you have when things don't go as planned? What stories do you tell yourself about why you can't achieve what you want? These patterns aren't random—they're part of a system designed to keep you safe and comfortable, even at the cost of your growth. Remember, awareness is the first step toward change. You can't transform what you don't acknowledge. By recognizing your sabotage patterns with compassion rather than criticism, you create space to choose different responses.

Chapter 2: Uncover Your Three Core Conclusions

At the heart of your self-sabotage lie three fundamental conclusions you've formed about yourself, others, and life itself. These conclusions weren't consciously chosen—they developed naturally as your young mind tried to make sense of your experiences. Like a sponge absorbing whatever it contacts, your developing mind soaked up messages from your environment and formed lasting impressions that hardened over time. Your personal conclusion is what you fundamentally believe about yourself. It always begins with "I am..." and represents your deepest criticism of yourself. Common examples include "I'm not smart enough," "I'm a loser," "I'm different," or "I'm worthless." This isn't the positive self-talk you might use to boost your confidence. Rather, it's the underlying belief that emerges when you're under pressure or facing failure. One client discovered his personal conclusion was "I'm not smart enough." Despite academic achievements and professional success, he constantly felt like an impostor, believing others would eventually discover his perceived inadequacy. Your social conclusion represents what you fundamentally believe about other people. This might be "People are untrustworthy," "People are selfish," or "People don't care." The author shares his own social conclusion: "People don't care." This belief manifested when furniture was delivered to the end of his driveway. Rather than asking neighbors for help moving the heavy sofa, he struggled alone, never considering that others might willingly assist. The conclusion "people don't care" had become so automatic that asking for help didn't even occur to him. Your life conclusion is what you fundamentally believe about life itself. Examples include "Life is hard," "Life is unfair," or "Life is a struggle." The author reveals his own life conclusion: "Life is a struggle." This belief drives him to work constantly, making relaxation nearly impossible. Even on vacation, he feels restless and eager to return to work, perpetuating the very struggle he believes life to be. These three conclusions combine to create your unique "point of experience"—the perspective from which you engage with everything. It's not just how you see life but the place from which you interact with it. This point becomes your default starting position each day, influencing how you interpret events and make decisions. Uncovering these conclusions requires honest self-reflection. When facing challenges, what thoughts automatically arise? What patterns repeat across different areas of your life? The process may be uncomfortable, but identifying these core beliefs is essential for breaking free from self-sabotage.

Chapter 3: Accept What Cannot Be Changed

Acceptance forms the foundation of genuine transformation. However, this isn't about resignation or giving up—it's about acknowledging reality without resistance so you can move forward effectively. The first step is accepting what philosopher Martin Heidegger called your "thrown-ness"—the circumstances you were born into that you had no control over. Consider what aspects of your life you didn't choose: your birthplace, family, genetics, historical era, and cultural context. You were literally thrown into these conditions. Many people spend years fighting against or resenting these unchangeable aspects of their existence, creating unnecessary suffering. One client struggled with accepting his height, believing it limited his dating prospects and career advancement. His resentment consumed enormous energy until he finally accepted this unchangeable aspect of himself, freeing him to focus on areas where he could create meaningful change. Beyond your thrown-ness lies your "established truth"—the story you've constructed about your life experiences. This isn't objective reality but your interpretation of events filtered through your perspective. Remember the coffee shop example—two people experiencing the same incident can form completely different conclusions about what happened and who was at fault. Your established truth becomes the lens through which you view everything, yet it's just one possible interpretation. The most challenging aspect to accept is that your three core conclusions—about yourself, others, and life—cannot be erased. They're permanently imprinted in your subconscious. Many self-help approaches suggest you can simply replace negative thoughts with positive ones, but this creates an internal conflict. Your conscious mind may repeat affirmations like "I am enough," but your subconscious still holds the original conclusion. This disconnect explains why positive thinking often feels inauthentic and ineffective. True acceptance means acknowledging these conclusions without trying to fight or change them. Think about something in your life that you rarely notice—perhaps the color of your car or the light fixture in your hallway. You don't have emotional reactions to these things because you fully accept them as they are. This neutral acceptance is what you're aiming for with your core conclusions. When you stop resisting what cannot be changed, you free up enormous energy that was previously consumed by that struggle. You can then redirect this energy toward creating the future you desire rather than fighting the past you cannot alter. Acceptance doesn't mean you're giving up—it means you're choosing to focus your efforts where they can actually make a difference.

Chapter 4: Redirect Your Focus Forward

The key to breaking free from self-sabotage lies not in fighting your past but in redirecting your focus toward the future. This represents a fundamental shift in how you approach life. As philosopher Alan Watts observed, we typically think of time as moving from past to present to future, with our current actions determined by what came before. We live as if we're "driven along" by our history, using the past as our primary reference point for all decisions. This backward-facing orientation keeps you trapped in cycles of self-sabotage. When you're constantly referring to past experiences to guide your present actions, you inevitably recreate familiar patterns. Even when you consciously try to change, your subconscious pulls you back to what feels safe and predictable. This explains why you might make progress toward a goal only to sabotage yourself when success gets too close—the new territory feels threatening to your established identity. Instead of being driven by the past, you can be pulled by the future. This approach resembles how Michelangelo described his sculpture process. When asked how he created his masterpiece David, he explained that he simply removed everything from the marble block that wasn't David. In his mind, David already existed within the stone—his job was merely to reveal it. Similarly, you can envision your ideal future and then work backward, allowing that vision to guide your present actions. This isn't about setting traditional goals but about creating a compelling future that pulls you forward. When faced with choices, simply ask, "What would my future self do in this situation?" or "What action aligns with the future I'm creating?" James, a client struggling with financial self-sabotage, implemented this approach. After years of building wealth only to lose it through impulsive decisions, he created a detailed vision of his financial future three years ahead. Rather than focusing on avoiding past mistakes, he concentrated on revealing this future. When tempted to make an impulsive purchase, he would pause and ask, "Does this action reveal my financial future or obscure it?" This simple redirection helped him break his sabotage pattern. The beauty of this approach is that it works even when your old patterns emerge. You'll still experience the pull of familiar thoughts and behaviors, but instead of fighting them directly, you can redirect your attention toward actions that align with your envisioned future. This is similar to how parents redirect a child's attention rather than directly confronting unwanted behavior. Remember, whatever you resist persists by virtue of that resistance. By focusing on creating something new rather than fighting the old, you naturally move beyond self-sabotage without getting caught in exhausting internal battles.

Chapter 5: Design Your Future-Driven Life

Creating a future-driven life begins with a fundamental shift in perspective. Instead of viewing yourself as someone trying to overcome past limitations, see yourself as an artist revealing a masterpiece that already exists in potential form. This isn't about setting traditional goals but about designing a life that pulls you forward through its inherent appeal and alignment with your deepest values. Start by envisioning specific aspects of your ideal future—not vague aspirations but vivid, detailed scenarios. What would your relationships look like if they were characterized by deep connection and mutual growth? How would you spend your days if your work fully expressed your talents and values? What would your physical well-being look like if health were a natural expression of your lifestyle rather than a struggle against bad habits? Sarah, a marketing executive featured in the book, applied this approach to transform her relationship with her husband. After years of cyclical arguments that inevitably led to temporary reconciliations followed by renewed conflict, she designed a future vision of a partnership characterized by adventure, growth, and genuine understanding. When their familiar argument pattern emerged, instead of responding with her usual defensive tactics, she asked herself, "What would create the relationship I've envisioned?" This simple question led her to respond with vulnerability rather than defensiveness, breaking their destructive cycle. The power of this approach lies in its focus on creation rather than correction. You're not trying to fix what's broken but to reveal something new. This subtle distinction makes all the difference. When you're fixated on correcting flaws, you remain oriented toward the past. When you're creating something new, your energy naturally flows toward the future. Implementation requires consistent practice in everyday moments. Each time you face a choice—whether it's how to respond to a colleague's comment, what to eat for lunch, or how to spend your evening—ask yourself which option aligns with your designed future. These seemingly small decisions accumulate to create profound change over time. Expect resistance from your established patterns. When you venture beyond familiar territory, your subconscious will signal danger through uncomfortable emotions or thoughts. Rather than interpreting these as signs to retreat, recognize them as natural responses to growth. Acknowledge them without judgment, then redirect your focus to the future you're creating. Remember that this process isn't about perfection. You'll have moments when you revert to old patterns, but these aren't failures—they're opportunities to strengthen your commitment to your designed future. After each setback, simply ask, "What does my future require of me now?" and take the next aligned action.

Chapter 6: Take Ownership of Your Choices

The final step in breaking free from self-sabotage is taking complete ownership of your life—past, present, and future. This means releasing the tendency to blame external circumstances, other people, or even your past self for your current situation. While you didn't choose many aspects of your early life, you now have the power to choose how you respond to everything that happens. This level of ownership can feel uncomfortable at first. It's easier to attribute our struggles to factors beyond our control—unfair bosses, unsupportive partners, economic conditions, or childhood experiences. However, this perspective keeps you in a victim mindset, waiting for circumstances to change before you can move forward. True freedom comes from recognizing that regardless of what happened to you, your response is always your choice. Michael, a talented artist featured in the book, demonstrated this principle after years of blaming his creative blocks on his critical father. During a breakthrough moment, he realized that while he couldn't change his father's past behavior, he was now the one perpetuating those critical messages in his own mind. By taking ownership of his internal dialogue and creative choices, he produced more work in six months than he had in the previous five years. Taking ownership extends beyond accepting responsibility for past actions—it means actively choosing your focus in each moment. When old patterns emerge, you can acknowledge them without judgment, then consciously redirect your attention toward actions aligned with your designed future. This isn't about forcing yourself to "be positive" but about recognizing your power to choose where you place your attention. A practical way to implement this principle is through what the author calls "authentic pivots." When you notice yourself slipping into familiar self-sabotage patterns, don't fight against them directly. Instead, pivot your attention toward something that genuinely engages and inspires you. This redirection naturally diminishes the power of old patterns without creating internal resistance. Remember that taking ownership doesn't mean you'll never struggle or face setbacks. It means you approach these challenges as opportunities for growth rather than evidence of your limitations. When you fully own your choices, you transform from someone who is acted upon by life to someone who actively creates their experience. The ultimate expression of ownership is living from your future vision rather than your past conditioning. Each day presents countless opportunities to choose actions aligned with who you're becoming rather than who you've been. These choices accumulate over time, gradually revealing the life you've designed.

Summary

Breaking free from self-sabotage requires a fundamental shift in how you relate to yourself and your life. Rather than fighting against established patterns or trying to overcome your past, the path forward lies in accepting what cannot be changed while redirecting your focus toward a compelling future. Your three core conclusions about yourself, others, and life will always be part of your psychological makeup, but they need not determine your destiny. As the author powerfully states, "You're not broken, there's nothing to fix. You're not a chair, you're an expression, so get out there and express your future. Make it something great, something worth giving your life to." This perspective liberates you from the endless cycle of trying to fix yourself and opens the possibility of creating something entirely new. Your life becomes a creative act rather than a problem to solve. Today, choose one area where self-sabotage has limited you, and design a specific vision of what success in this area would look like one year from now. Then ask yourself what single action you could take right now that would align with this vision. Take that action immediately, not because you should, but because it reveals the future you're committed to creating.

About Author

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Gary John Bishop

Gary John Bishop began his life journey in Glasgow, Scotland. The grit and wit of his early life have contributed to his tough-love, in-your-face approach to coaching. Coupled with world-class training and development, Gary has created a potent brew of effectiveness and the ability to reach through the crust of people's lives and root out the deeper issues that consume them and tie them to their hurdles. His ability to elevate and expand people's greatness makes the kind of life-altering impact that is so rare in the industry. Gary's hyper-awareness and years of elite training allow him to assess each client and guide them to the path that best expresses their lives; with micro precision, he cuts straight to the heart of what is going to make a difference. Gary's experience and quick ascent to becoming a senior program director for one of the world's leading personal development organizations is proof that he is dedicated and committed to what is possible for every client and person he encounters. He doesn't claim perfection. He's been through life and doesn't sugar coat his folly. He uses his experience as both a human and a world class coach to mentor and coach people to raise the bar higher for what they once thought would be their greatest self. Gary John Bishop is one of the leading Personal Development experts in the industry with a global reputation that has impacted tens of thousands of people worldwide. His "urban philosophy" approach represents a new wave of personal empowerment and life mastery that has caused miraculous results for people in the quality and performance of their lives.
 He calls it like it is while being influenced by ontology, phenomenology and the philosophy of some of the world's greatest thinkers. You be inspired, unburdened and grounded. Working with Gary creates the space to be an altered version of you. The greatness you once imagined becomes a reality, only its bigger, better and more incredibly freeing than you dreamed it could be. His work life changing.Gary is willing to say what needs to be said. His writing is a higher level experience and the benefits of his philosophies have touched lives worldwide.

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