The Art of Persuasion

The Art of Persuasion Plot Summary

Introduction

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to get everything they want, while others struggle endlessly despite their best efforts? The difference often lies not in what they're asking for, but how they're asking for it. In today's complex world of human interactions, the ability to persuade effectively has become perhaps the most valuable skill anyone can possess. The art of persuasion isn't about manipulation or forcing your will upon others. Rather, it's about creating win-win situations where everyone feels valued and respected. When you master this art, you'll find doors opening that previously seemed locked shut. From getting better service at restaurants to negotiating major business deals, from improving personal relationships to advancing your career—positive persuasion transforms every aspect of your life by allowing you to get what you want while making others feel good about giving it to you.

Chapter 1: Build Trust Through Authentic Connections

Trust forms the bedrock of all persuasive interactions. Without it, even the most eloquent arguments fall flat. The most effective persuaders understand that people make decisions based on emotion first, then justify those decisions with logic afterward. This fundamental principle guides everything that follows in the persuasion process. Bob Burg, the author, shares a powerful example from his early career. While working in television, he discovered he had a remarkable ability to get comments from newsmakers who typically avoided the press. His secret wasn't journalistic brilliance but his approach to building instant trust. When trying to interview opposing political figures who usually declined media requests, he would call the first official and say with conviction: "Mr. Mayor, this issue is being heard by a lot of people, and I will absolutely not give the commissioner air time without you having a chance to state your position on the matter. Absolutely not!" The mayor would gratefully agree to the interview. Then he would call the commissioner with a similar approach: "I absolutely refuse to present the mayor's views without giving you, Mr. Commissioner, the opportunity to respond. It's only fair." This technique worked because it addressed each person's emotional need to be heard and represented fairly. It created an authentic connection based on apparent concern for their interests. By approaching each conversation with genuine respect and understanding of what motivated the other person, Burg consistently achieved results that left everyone feeling satisfied. The foundation of this approach is the "know you, like you, trust you" principle. People will do business with, refer business to, and generally cooperate with those they feel comfortable with. Creating this feeling doesn't require lengthy relationship-building—it can happen in seconds with the right approach. For example, when asking someone for a favor, frame it as seeking their advice: "You know a lot more about this than I do—how would you approach this situation?" This shows respect for their expertise and makes them feel important. To build trust quickly in any interaction, listen fully without interrupting, match the other person's communication style, and genuinely appreciate their perspective even when you disagree. Remember that people respond to how you make them feel, not just what you say. When you demonstrate understanding of their position before presenting your own, you create a foundation of trust that makes persuasion natural rather than forced.

Chapter 2: Master the Language of Positive Influence

The words we choose can dramatically alter the outcome of any interaction. Mastering the language of positive influence means understanding not just what to say, but how to say it in a way that opens minds rather than closing them. This critical skill transforms potential conflicts into opportunities for connection. Consider the story of Lincoln's letter to General Joseph Hooker. When Lincoln appointed Hooker to lead the Army of the Potomac, he needed to address serious concerns about the general's past behavior while still maintaining his confidence and loyalty. Rather than simply ordering Hooker to change or threatening consequences, Lincoln wrote a masterful letter that began by acknowledging Hooker's strengths: "I believe you to be a brave and skillful soldier, which, of course, I like." Only after establishing this positive foundation did Lincoln address his concerns, writing that Hooker had "taken counsel of your ambition, and thwarted [General Burnside] as much as you could, in which you did a great wrong to the country, and to a most meritorious and honorable brother officer." Lincoln concluded with encouragement: "And now, beware of rashness. Beware of rashness, but with energy, and sleepless vigilance, go forward, and give us victories." This approach disarmed Hooker's potential defensiveness by acknowledging his strengths first, addressing concerns with specific examples, and ending with expressions of confidence. Lincoln's tactful language turned what could have been a confrontational message into one that inspired better behavior while preserving the relationship. The language of positive influence relies heavily on "I messages" instead of accusatory "you messages." When someone speaks to you disrespectfully, instead of saying "You're talking down to me!" try "I feel upset. It might just be how I'm taking it, but it feels as though I'm being put down." This puts responsibility on yourself rather than creating defensiveness in the other person. Another powerful technique is the "feel, felt, found" approach. When someone objects to your idea, respond with: "I understand how you feel. I felt the same way. What I found was..." This acknowledges their concern while gently guiding them toward a new perspective. The key is delivering these phrases with genuine sincerity—if they sound mechanical or manipulative, they'll backfire. Remember that how you phrase requests matters immensely. Instead of saying "Bring us some water," try "When you get a chance, would you please bring us some water?" This simple shift from commanding to requesting creates goodwill that pays dividends in cooperation and service quality.

Chapter 3: Make People Feel Important and Valued

Everyone walks around with an invisible sign hanging from their neck that reads "Make me feel important." Understanding this fundamental human need is perhaps the most powerful key to persuasion. When you satisfy this need, people naturally want to help you achieve your goals. This principle was beautifully illustrated in a story Burg shares about his father. When new carpet was being installed in their home, Burg's father went upstairs to bring pizza to the workers and talk with the crew boss. The crew boss, attempting to establish a male bonding moment, made some disparaging comments about women: "Hey, this is some expensive job. Boy-oh-boy, those women will really spend your money for you, won't they?" Instead of joining in this negative talk, Burg's father responded, "Well, I'll tell you, when they were right there with you before you had any money, it's a pleasure to do anything for them you possibly can, isn't it?" The crew boss tried twice more to draw him into speaking negatively about women, but each time, Burg's father redirected the conversation toward respect and appreciation. This interaction demonstrates the power of making others feel important through respect and edification. Burg's father refused to bond through negativity, instead modeling a higher standard of interaction. While the crew boss may have momentarily felt rebuffed, the underlying message was powerful: everyone deserves respect, especially those closest to us. Making people feel important also means acknowledging their efforts. After receiving excellent service from Muriel at a supermarket deli counter, Burg made a point to thank her loudly enough for her coworkers to hear. From that day forward, Muriel always gave him extra-special service. This simple act of recognition made her feel valued in a way that few customers bothered to do. The practice of sending personalized, handwritten thank-you notes represents another powerful method for making people feel important. When you take the time to write a physical note thanking someone for their service or help, you distinguish yourself in their memory. One man who had been somewhat rude to Burg at a convention later became a friendly ally after receiving a simple thank-you note that made no mention of the incident. Remember that everyone, regardless of their position or status, deserves to be treated with the same level of respect. The person at the toll booth, the custodian, or the receptionist may someday be in a position to help you—but more importantly, treating everyone with dignity is simply the right thing to do. This consistent behavior builds a reputation that opens doors wherever you go.

Chapter 4: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Grace

Difficult conversations are inevitable in both personal and professional life. The art of persuasion isn't about avoiding these challenges but navigating them with grace and effectiveness. When handled properly, even the most challenging interactions can lead to positive outcomes. Consider how Burg handled a situation with a difficult airline representative. After changing his flight by phone the night before, he was told at the counter that he would still be charged the $75 change fee despite assurances from the phone operator that it would be waived. Rather than reacting with anger or demands, Burg responded thoughtfully: "I'm sure I misunderstood. The person on the phone was very helpful. Although she did assure me I wouldn't be charged that money, I realize it's put you in a difficult spot, and I apologize for that." After this disarming opener, he added eight magic words that often produce remarkable results: "If you can't do it, I'll definitely understand." This approach worked beautifully. By acknowledging the representative's position, taking responsibility rather than blaming, and giving her permission to say no, Burg created space for her to want to help him. After checking her computer, she waived the fee. The psychological principle at work is that people respond more favorably when they don't feel cornered or manipulated. When dealing with angry people, the first step is always to listen completely without interrupting. One story involves a business owner who launched into a verbal assault about why he would never buy TV advertising when Burg called on him. Instead of defending his position, Burg simply listened. Remarkably, as the man talked himself out, his tone softened, and he eventually mentioned a friend who had success with TV advertising. Without Burg saying a word, the man talked himself into making a purchase. For situations where someone has treated you poorly, Burg suggests taking a subtle approach rather than direct confrontation. When a waitress's service deteriorated despite his consistent respect and good tips, he maintained his politeness but became slightly less outgoing and reduced his tip significantly. She quickly noticed the change and improved her service. This method preserves the relationship while still communicating that something needs to change. The key to navigating difficult conversations successfully is to respond rather than react. Take a breath, consider your desired outcome, and choose words that build bridges rather than walls. Remember that the goal isn't to win the argument but to achieve a solution that works for everyone involved.

Chapter 5: Transform Resistance into Agreement

Resistance is a natural part of human interaction. When people initially say "no" to your requests or ideas, it doesn't mean the conversation is over—it means the real persuasion work has just begun. The most skilled persuaders know how to transform that resistance into willing agreement through understanding and patience. At a convention center in Toledo, Burg and his team set up their merchandise table in what they considered an ideal spot—directly opposite the main exit door where attendees would see them upon leaving. Soon, a convention official named Mr. Anderson approached and firmly stated: "You can't set up there. You're going to have to move the table, and set it up down the hall. It's against the rules for a table to be set up here—and unfortunately it's non-negotiable." Instead of arguing or reluctantly complying, Burg responded with understanding: "Oh, I understand that." Then he continued respectfully: "Mr. Anderson, what could we do to work out a special arrangement—setting up down the hall will absolutely kill my sales, and I'm wondering if you could use your influence in making a special exception?" This approach affirmed Anderson's authority while asking for his help in solving a problem. When Anderson insisted there could be no exception, Burg agreed with him again, further disarming his defensiveness. Through patient questioning, Burg discovered the real concern: "With your tables here, it's still too close to the door. With your materials and books set up before the program starts, people will be crowding around your table to shop. It will make it hard for people wanting to get in and get seats to get past the crowd." This revealed the actual problem—not the table's location itself, but when it would be operating. Burg immediately offered a solution: "Mr. Anderson, you just came up with the answer! I will give you my word that we will not open up the table until after I speak on stage. In fact, we'll cover it right now with these sheets over here, so no one will even be able to see anything—and it won't have any impact at all on the crowd coming in." By finding the underlying concern and offering a solution that addressed it while giving Anderson credit for the idea, Burg transformed resistance into agreement. The table stayed in its prime location, resulting in one of their best sales nights ever. The key principles here include seeking to understand the real objection rather than fighting the stated one, agreeing whenever possible rather than arguing, and finding creative solutions that address legitimate concerns. Remember that most resistance comes from people trying to do their jobs properly—when you help them accomplish their goals while achieving yours, resistance naturally transforms into cooperation.

Chapter 6: Create Win-Win Solutions That Last

Creating solutions where everyone benefits isn't just a nice ideal—it's the most practical approach to persuasion that stands the test of time. When both parties feel good about the outcome, you build relationships that continue to yield benefits long after the initial transaction. Sue, a woman who worked for Burg, found herself in a difficult situation. Her former employers had asked her to put her name on their cellular phone application, and when they went out of business, she was left with a $1,500 phone bill. The phone company insisted the responsibility was hers alone, and a collection agent threatened legal action if she didn't pay immediately. Burg called the collections department to help resolve the situation. Rather than becoming confrontational with the aggressive collector, Mr. Gregory, Burg maintained a respectful tone while clearly establishing that he wouldn't be bullied: "I appreciate your wanting to bring this to closure right away. Since Sue doesn't have the money and you know you can't get blood from a stone, why don't we do this: I will write you out a company check for $400 if, at that point, you'll drop the entire issue." When Gregory countered with $1,200, Burg continued the negotiation process with patience and respect. He acknowledged Gregory's position while explaining Sue's situation, and suggested they both think about it overnight. Before Burg could call back, Gregory called offering to settle for $900. Burg then employed a combined approach of the "implied threat" and "higher authority" techniques, mentioning his lawyer's suggestion that neither Sue nor Burg should pay anything, while still emphasizing his desire to work things out as gentlemen. Shortly after, Sue received a letter from the company informing her that the $1,500 debt had been completely removed from their computers. This wasn't just a one-time win—it protected Sue's credit rating and future financial wellbeing, while allowing the collection agency to resolve the case and move on to more productive pursuits. Creating win-win solutions requires focusing on interests rather than positions. Instead of becoming fixated on a particular demand, identify what each party truly needs from the situation. Look for creative options that satisfy these underlying interests. Often, what appears to be a conflict over limited resources can be transformed when we expand our thinking. The most lasting solutions come when people feel respected throughout the process. Even when you must assert yourself firmly, doing so with courtesy and acknowledgment of the other person's constraints builds goodwill that extends beyond the current situation. Remember that your reputation for fairness and integrity becomes an asset that pays dividends in future interactions with everyone you meet.

Chapter 7: Earn Long-Term Loyalty Through Respect

The highest form of persuasion doesn't end with a single transaction—it creates a foundation of respect that generates lasting loyalty. When people feel genuinely respected, they become advocates for you long after your initial interaction. Ron Hale demonstrated this principle perfectly during his time as an Air Force recruiter in a predominantly Navy town. Rather than directly asking for referrals or pushing his recruitment agenda, Ron focused on building relationships by consistently giving value first. He would visit schools, radio stations, television stations, and the local newspaper, never mentioning recruiting but instead finding ways to help each organization. For the radio station, he brought the newest Air Force band records they could play. To schools, he provided Air Force book covers that helped protect textbooks. For a small television station with dead air time, he brought entertaining Air Force films that could fill programming gaps. Throughout this process, Ron never once asked for a referral—he simply gave without expectation. The results were remarkable. These influential community members naturally began referring potential recruits to Ron rather than to Navy recruiters. The local newspaper chose Ron for a holiday feature story about military personnel at Christmas, providing invaluable free publicity. Even the young television minister he had helped—who later became the nationally known Pat Robertson—continued to support Ron as his own profile grew. This approach demonstrates how respect manifests as genuine concern for others' needs. By helping people solve their problems without demanding immediate reciprocation, Ron established himself as someone worthy of loyalty and support. The relationships he built continued to benefit him throughout his career, far exceeding what he could have achieved through traditional recruitment tactics. The principle extends to all relationships. When dealing with suppliers, many businesses make the mistake of treating them as subordinates rather than valued partners. Burg suggests treating suppliers with the same respect you show customers by asking yourself: Do you pay them on time? Do you talk with them rather than at them? Do you discuss challenges instead of demanding and yelling? Do you refer others to them when appropriate? Suppliers who feel respected will go the extra mile when you need special treatment or face an emergency. Even in brief encounters, showing respect has lasting impact. Ralph Lagergren, while driving with his children, encountered an angry driver who was gesturing and mouthing insults. Instead of responding in kind, Ralph told his children they would smile and wave. This unexpected response confused the angry driver, who eventually asked if they knew each other. Ralph replied, "No, we don't know each other, but life is just too short to let things like traffic misunderstandings get in the way of enjoying myself." Two months later, Ralph encountered the same driver, who recognized him and waved cheerfully—a former enemy transformed into a friend. The foundation of long-term loyalty is treating everyone with genuine respect, regardless of their status or what they can do for you at the moment. When this becomes your consistent approach to all interactions, you create a network of goodwill that supports you in ways you could never anticipate.

Summary

The journey through the art of persuasion reveals a profound truth: genuine success comes not from manipulation or force but from creating value for others. The principles we've explored—building trust, using positive language, making people feel important, navigating difficult conversations, transforming resistance, creating win-win solutions, and earning long-term loyalty—all share a common foundation in respect and human dignity. As the author reminds us, "Make people feel good about themselves!" This simple directive encompasses the essence of effective persuasion. When we focus on others' needs, acknowledge their importance, and approach interactions with sincere goodwill, we create an environment where persuasion happens naturally. The next time you face resistance or need something from someone, pause before reacting. Ask yourself how you can make this person feel valued and respected while still achieving your goal. Then respond with tact—what the author calls "the language of strength"—and watch as doors open that previously seemed locked shut.

About Author

Loading...

Bob Burg

Bob Burg shares information on topics vital to the success of today’s businessperson. He speaks for corporations and associations internationally, including fortune 500 companies, franchises, and numerous direct sales organizations.Bob is an advocate, supporter and defender of the Free Enterprise system, believing that the amount of money one makes is directly proportional to how many people they serve.He is a founding board member of Club 100, a charitable organization focused on helping underprivileged local area youths. A lover of animals, he is a past member of the Board of Directors of Safe Harbor, which is the Humane Society of Jupiter, Florida.

Read more