The Desire Map

The Desire Map Plot Summary

Introduction

I remember sitting by the fire one New Year's Eve, surrounded by scattered papers and colored pens. My partner and I were setting goals for the coming year, dividing our lives into neat categories: Career, Home, Money, Health. We'd write a goal, share a kiss, eat some chips, and talk about the next dream to chase. But something felt off—the process seemed full yet somehow empty. The lists we created felt like obligations rather than inspirations. Then something shifted. Rather than focusing on what we wanted to achieve, we began asking ourselves how we wanted to feel in each area of our lives. "How do you want to feel at work?" I asked. "Courageous. Confident. Adventurous," he replied. This simple shift transformed everything. Our planning became more engaging, more meaningful, and the goals we set began to reflect deeper desires. What started as a casual fireside exercise evolved into a revolutionary approach to creating a life guided by our most authentic emotions. When we pursue goals rooted in how we truly want to feel, we liberate our energy and connect with what matters most.

Chapter 1: The Philosophy of Feeling-Based Goals

Danielle was walking through an upscale furniture store, running her hand along the arm of an Italian linen sofa she couldn't afford. She was having what she called "a particularly broke day"—credit cards maxed out, rent due, and no new business on the horizon. As she sat down on the expensive sofa, she asked herself a crucial question: "What will make me feel better off? What will I do when I'm actually bringing in the bucks?" The answer came immediately: she'd buy this exact sofa. So she sat there, longer than was socially acceptable, absorbing the feeling of affluence. "This is what affluence feels like—quality," she thought. And surprisingly, she began to feel better, more hopeful, more like herself. This small act wasn't about pretending to be someone she wasn't. It was about connecting with how she wanted to feel—affluent—and finding a way, however small, to generate that feeling in the present moment. It shifted her focus from feeling broke to pursuing what she wanted, creating a subtle but important change in her energy. Traditional goal-setting focuses on external attainment—the checklist of accomplishments, the tangible results. We're taught to push toward specific outcomes regardless of how the journey feels. But this approach often leads to hollow victories. You might reach your target weight while hating every minute of your diet. You might land that prestigious job only to feel empty once you're sitting in the corner office. The philosophy of feeling-based goals turns this paradigm upside down. Rather than chasing external achievements hoping they'll eventually make you feel good, you identify your desired feelings first and let them guide your actions. This doesn't mean abandoning ambition—it means ensuring your ambitions are aligned with your emotional truth. When our goals spring from our desired feelings, they become more meaningful and we become more resilient. Even when we face obstacles, we can find ways to generate our core feelings through small, daily choices. This approach isn't just about feeling good—it's about creating a life of integrity where your outer actions and inner desires walk the same path.

Chapter 2: Understanding Core Desired Feelings

"I want to feel like a Rumi poem," wrote one participant when asked how they wanted to feel. Another replied, "Like an orgasm." Someone else simply wrote, "Free." These responses reveal the beautiful diversity of human desire—how uniquely personal our emotional aspirations can be. When we dive into the question of how we want to feel, we access our deepest truths. During a workshop, a woman named Jules kept coming back to the phrase "fully realized" as one of her desired feelings. Yet something about it troubled her. She questioned what it would mean to be "fully realized"—would that suggest she was done growing? What would be left after achieving such a state? Despite her hesitation, she kept the phrase on her shortlist. Later, when examining why this feeling mattered so much, she had a breakthrough. "I was shocked to discover that my desire to feel fully realized was basically about wanting to prove something," she explained. This revelation allowed her to recognize the underlying fear and release the phrase, finding more authentic desires. Core desired feelings differ from fleeting emotions. As psychology teacher Lianne Raymond explains, the feelings we experience throughout the day are reactive—they change with circumstances. Core desired feelings, however, are generative—they emerge from deep within and remain consistent regardless of external situations. They are what Jungian analyst Marion Woodman calls "the soul cry"—the essential emotional states that align with our truest selves. The process of identifying your core desired feelings requires both introspection and liberation. You might need to distinguish between feelings that come from societal expectations versus those that resonate with your soul. Words like "respected," "admired," or "cherished" might suggest you're waiting for external validation, while words like "respect," "creativity," or "connection" place the power within you. Finding your core desired feelings isn't about perfection—it's about authenticity. Some people maintain the same desired feelings for years, while others refine them as they grow. The important thing is that they resonate deeply, lighting you up from within and providing a compass for your choices. When you know how you want to feel, you create a powerful foundation for a life that feels truly yours.

Chapter 3: Breaking Free from Traditional Goal Setting

"I loathe it. It just doesn't happen," wrote one person when asked about goal setting. Another responded, "Goals are like landmarks to me—identifying them sets me on the right path." The varied responses revealed a striking truth: our relationship with goals is deeply personal and often complicated. Danielle describes her own ambivalence toward traditional goal setting: "To me, setting goals feels slightly absurd, sort of inspiring, not-quite-right, and possibly awesome—all at once." She explains how she's rarely reached her "goals" as originally conceived. Sometimes she's failed entirely, sometimes she's changed course midway for something better, sometimes she's achieved the goal much later than planned (feeling like a failure for the delay), and occasionally she's exceeded her goals so dramatically that she felt foolish for thinking too small. The problem wasn't with having aspirations, but with how goal-chasing brought out certain qualities in her that weren't aligned with her true self. "I was going after things—awards, privileges, numbers—to prove myself, and going about it in a way that was pushy. Proving and pushy—two surefire ways to get out of my Soul zone." Traditional goal setting often operates from outside-in: we create bucket lists and strategic plans for things we want to accomplish, then hope these achievements will make us feel a certain way. This approach can lead to a cycle of striving without satisfaction. We hit targets but feel empty, or we miss them and feel like failures. Breaking free from this cycle means recognizing the difference between motivation and inspiration. Motivation is often about avoiding pain—doing something to avoid disappointing others, looking bad, or missing out. Inspiration, by contrast, is about moving toward pleasure—doing something because it feels expansive and aligned with your true self. As Danielle puts it, "Beyond finish lines and a job well done, there is a different call: inspiration." When we pivot to feeling-based goals, we gain the freedom to adapt our paths while staying true to our desired emotional states. We might discover that the prestigious career we've been chasing doesn't actually deliver the feelings of freedom and creativity we crave. Or we might find that a simpler life than we imagined could provide the connection and peace we desire. The focus shifts from rigid achievement to flexible fulfillment.

Chapter 4: Transforming Desires into Actionable Intentions

Louise had been in love with her best friend Lance for years. Everyone could see it but him. They spent countless hours together—getting drunk at concerts, sleeping in the same tent, exchanging Christmas gifts—but Lance only saw her as a friend. After years of hoping, Louise finally made her move at a wedding reception. As they slow-danced alone on the floor, she asked, "Do you think we could make a go of it?" Lance listened softly before gently replying, "I think if it were going to happen, it would have happened by now." This tender truth bomb carries wisdom beyond romance: sometimes, even our most cherished dreams have an expiration date. When we cling to goals that repeatedly fail to materialize despite our best efforts, we waste precious energy and water on crops that simply won't grow. The key is not to abandon desire itself, but to hold onto the core feeling you want while releasing your attachment to the specific form it must take. For Louise, the core desire wasn't specifically Lance—it was to experience deep, mutual love. When she finally let go of her fixation on Lance, she created space for someone new to enter her life—someone who fell crazy in love with her right away. By focusing on the desired feeling rather than the specific person, she allowed her true wish to manifest in an unexpected but more fulfilling way. Transforming desires into actionable intentions requires both clarity and flexibility. Start by identifying your core desired feelings—the emotional states that you most want to experience regularly. Then ask: "What can I do, have, or experience to generate these feelings?" This question bridges your inner emotional landscape with your outer actions and choices. The most powerful intentions emerge when you focus on what excites you most. Enthusiasm is a special emotion that tends to amplify all other positive feelings. When considering various possibilities, ask yourself: "What am I most excited about?" This excitement often points to your most aligned path forward. Remember that your path doesn't need to look like anyone else's. Some people find that their deepest fulfillment comes from achievements society would consider modest, while others genuinely thrive pursuing ambitious goals. The key is ensuring your choices spring from your authentic desires rather than external expectations or the need to prove yourself. When intentions arise from your core desired feelings, they carry a natural momentum that makes the journey itself as rewarding as the destination.

Chapter 5: Navigating Resistance and Building Trust

When Todd Herman, a sports psychology coach who helps athletes win Olympic medals, works with clients on creating positive change, he explains a fascinating biological phenomenon. When you begin a significant positive change—like a new fitness routine or breaking free from a toxic relationship—your brain initially floods your body with feel-good neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine. This creates a natural high that makes your new commitment feel effortless. But then, usually around day three or four, something shifts. The neurotransmitters return to normal levels, and suddenly maintaining your new habit feels like walking through mud. This is when most people quit, interpreting this resistance as a sign they should give up. But Herman reveals a powerful truth: this resistance actually signals that transformation is taking place. Your cells are literally changing shape to accommodate your new habits and energy levels. They just need a little more time. "Your body is just going through a change, and you're interpreting it as either positive or negative," Herman explains. "Really, what you should do is get excited about it. The change that needs to happen in order for your new habits to take form is taking hold." The most difficult part is the first sixteen days, after which the new pattern begins to operate automatically, moving from your conscious mind to your habit mind. Rather than giving up when resistance emerges, Herman suggests five techniques: breathe through it; hold onto your power-thought (why you're making this change); remind yourself "I'm changing"; mentally rehearse your performance ahead of time; and keep making small corrections like an editor refining a manuscript, rather than abandoning the whole project when you stumble. Building trust is equally crucial when pursuing feeling-based goals. Danielle describes a "trust ritual" she created for moments of doubt or anxiety. She writes out a "What I Trust" list focused entirely on the present—things she knows with certainty are working in her life right now. These might be profound truths ("I trust my love for my sweetheart") or simple realities ("I trust my car will be there when I get back"). This practice anchors you in what's already working, creating a foundation of security from which you can move forward. It doesn't require generating new trust or visualizing future outcomes—it simply acknowledges the trust that already exists in your life. When you connect with this foundation, you create a bridge between your current reality and your desired future. By recognizing resistance as a sign of progress and building trust through present awareness, you develop the resilience needed to stay connected to your core desired feelings even when the path becomes challenging.

Chapter 6: Creating a Sustainable Desire Practice

"I want to feel free," declared a woman in one of Danielle's workshops. When asked what freedom meant to her, she described traveling the world, working remotely, and having adventure-filled weekends. Yet her current reality involved a corporate job with limited vacation time and weekends spent catching up on household chores. The gap between her desire and her daily life seemed vast. Rather than feeling defeated, she began exploring small ways to generate freedom in her everyday life. She started taking lunch breaks outside the office, sitting in the park instead of at her desk. She rearranged her morning routine to include fifteen minutes of reading travel blogs before work. On weekends, she'd explore a new neighborhood in her city, treating it like a mini-adventure. None of these actions dramatically changed her external circumstances, but they allowed her to experience moments of the freedom she craved within her current life. This approach—finding small, daily ways to generate your desired feelings—forms the foundation of a sustainable desire practice. Rather than waiting for major life changes to deliver your desired emotional states, you actively create them through intentional choices. Danielle calls these "small, deliberate actions inspired by your true desires" that collectively "create a life you love." A sustainable desire practice includes regular reflection and recalibration. Consider writing your core desired feelings in places you'll see them daily—your bathroom mirror, your planner, or your computer screen. Before making decisions, large or small, pause to consider: "Will this choice bring me closer to my desired feelings?" Some practitioners recommend reciting your core desired feelings before sleep and upon waking, allowing them to shape both your conscious and subconscious mind. The practice also embraces compassion for the inevitable moments when you feel far from your desired emotional states. Instead of denying negative emotions, acknowledge them fully—this acceptance often helps them dissolve faster. Then gently redirect yourself with phrases like "I'm really looking forward to feeling..." or "I'm clear that I want to feel..." These statements honor your current reality while pointing toward your preferred future. Creating community around your desire practice can provide powerful support. Many people form Desire Map groups, meeting regularly to discuss their progress and challenges. As one group facilitator shared, "These meetings are one of the only places we can come together and not be a mom or a wife or a job. We can just be. Women. Sharing, connecting, and simply being with each other."

Chapter 7: Personal Stories of Transformation

"I'm only on page 11 of The Desire Map and my mind has been blown WIDE OPEN," wrote Gala Darling, a blogger and author. This sentiment echoes through countless testimonials from people whose relationship with goals and achievement fundamentally shifted after discovering feeling-based intention setting. One woman, a university student, shared how her financial goals transformed. Previously focused solely on numbers—reaching a specific income or savings target—she now approached money through her core desired feelings of "security" and "generosity." This shift led her to make different choices with her resources. Rather than hoarding every penny toward her savings goal (which had left her feeling perpetually deprived), she began allocating a small portion of her income to causes she cared about. Surprisingly, this practice of generosity actually increased her sense of financial security rather than diminishing it. A business executive described how his core desired feeling of "connection" changed his leadership style. Instead of focusing exclusively on metrics and outcomes, he began prioritizing team relationships and personal development conversations. Initially concerned this approach might compromise results, he found the opposite occurred—his team's performance improved as people felt more valued and engaged. "I realized I'd been creating the very disconnection I was personally suffering from," he reflected. "By leading from my desired feeling of connection, I've become a more effective leader and a happier human." Perhaps most moving was the story of a woman recovering from chronic illness. After years of pushing her body through punishing medical treatments and rigorous healing protocols, she identified "ease" as one of her core desired feelings. This seemingly simple shift revolutionized her approach to recovery. Rather than forcing her body toward wellness through sheer willpower, she began asking, "What would create more ease in this situation?" Sometimes the answer involved traditional medical approaches, but often it meant giving herself permission to rest, to say no, or to find joy amid difficult circumstances. "My healing accelerated when I stopped fighting my body and started partnering with it," she explained. These stories reveal a common thread: when we anchor our actions in our desired feelings, we create lives that feel authentic and meaningful. The external circumstances might look different than initially imagined, but the internal experience—that sense of living in alignment with our deepest truths—creates a fulfillment that transcends conventional success.

Summary

At its heart, The Desire Map offers a radical proposition: that the way you want to feel is the most important foundation for any goal you pursue. This approach doesn't diminish ambition—it infuses it with soul. By identifying your core desired feelings and using them as your navigational system, you transform not just what you achieve but how you experience the journey itself. Whether you're mapping out career aspirations, relationship goals, or personal growth, your emotional truth becomes both the destination and the compass. The wisdom of this approach reveals itself in its practical application. When facing difficult decisions, asking "Which choice would bring me closer to feeling the way I want to feel?" cuts through confusion and external pressures. When encountering obstacles, small daily actions that generate your desired feelings keep you connected to your purpose. And perhaps most powerfully, when you succeed at creating the feelings you most desire—whether through grand achievements or subtle shifts in perspective—you discover that you've been capable of this fulfillment all along. Your desires aren't just wishes to be granted; they're inner guideposts leading you home to yourself. In honoring how you want to feel, you claim the authority to create a life that isn't just impressive from the outside, but deeply satisfying from within.

About Author

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Danielle LaPorte

Danielle LaPorte is a member of Oprah’s SuperSoul 100 a group who, in Oprah Winfrey’s words, “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters.” The former director of a future studies think tank in Washington, DC, where she managed a team creating global scenarios. She now speaks about the intelligence of the heart. Her most recent book, "How To Be Loving…when your heart is breaking open and the world is waking up" is also an Audiobook + ebook, with a companion deck and journal. Danielle is also the author of The Fire Starter Sessions, The Desire Map, White Hot Truth, and producer of dozens of online programs for spiritual support.Danielle is the creator of the Heart Centered Membership and the Heart Centered Leaders Program with 400+ leaders in 30 countries hosting conversation circles, retreats, and workshops in all kinds of communities and businesses.Her podcast, WITH LOVE, DANIELLE, often ranks in iTunes’ top 10 for wellness. Most of her offerings—from the Heart Centered Membership to her online classes—are on a pay what you choose basis. Named one of the Top 100 Websites for Women by Forbes, millions of people a month visit DanielleLaPorte.com.Marianne Williamson refers to Danielle “as a bright light.” V (formerly known as Eve Ensler) calls her “a force field of energy, wonder, humour, and love.” Her charities of choice are Ally Global Foundation, helping survivors of human trafficking to rebuild their lives (@allyglobal), Trees Sisters’ reforestation projects (@treesisters_official), and VDay, a movement to end violence against women and girls (vdayorg). She lives in Vancouver, BC. You can find her on most places on social media @daniellelaporte.#daniellelaporte #howtobeloving #heartcentered

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