The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down

The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down Plot Summary

Introduction

In our fast-paced world, we often find ourselves rushing from one task to the next, barely pausing to catch our breath. The constant notifications, deadlines, and social pressures create a whirlwind that leaves us feeling disconnected from what truly matters. When was the last time you fully experienced a moment without thinking about what comes next? When did you last truly see the people around you, or even yourself? This journey invites you to step off the treadmill of constant doing and into the realm of mindful being. By slowing down, you'll discover that life's most profound insights and deepest connections aren't found in the blur of activity, but in the spaces between. The wisdom shared in these pages isn't about abandoning your responsibilities or goals, but about approaching them with greater awareness, compassion, and purpose. As you learn to pause and truly see, you'll find that what once seemed like ordinary moments can transform into extraordinary opportunities for growth, connection, and joy.

Chapter 1: Embrace the Present Moment

The present moment is the only time we truly have, yet most of us spend our lives mentally elsewhere—reliving the past or anticipating the future. Embracing the present moment means bringing your full attention to what is happening right now, without judgment or distraction. It's about recognizing that life unfolds only in the now, and that our tendency to mentally time-travel robs us of experiencing life's richness. Haemin Sunim shares a revealing story about his experience as a college professor. When he first started teaching, he was so caught up in his eagerness to prove himself that he couldn't truly be present with his students. He assigned more homework than other professors, organized extra field trips, and held multiple gatherings throughout the semester. His enthusiasm, while well-intentioned, created pressure not only for himself but also for his students, who began to lose interest and skip assignments. As the semester progressed, Sunim noticed his disappointment growing when students didn't match his enthusiasm. Upon reflection, he realized that his teaching style had become "poisonous" to some students because he wasn't seeing their actual needs and capacities. He was so focused on his vision of being an excellent teacher that he couldn't see the reality of his students' experience. When he finally adjusted his approach midway through the semester, finding balance between his passion for teaching and his students' capacity to learn, the students responded positively. To embrace the present moment in your own life, start by simply noticing when your mind wanders from what's happening now. When you're in conversation, are you fully listening or planning what you'll say next? When eating, do you taste each bite or scroll through your phone? Practice bringing your attention back to your immediate experience—the sensations in your body, the sounds around you, the task at hand. Create small pauses throughout your day. Before starting your car, take three deep breaths. Before entering a meeting, feel your feet on the ground. These micro-moments of presence can gradually expand, allowing you to live more fully in each moment rather than rushing through life on autopilot. Remember that embracing the present doesn't mean you never plan or reflect—it means you do so consciously, from a centered place of awareness rather than being lost in thoughts about other times. As Sunim discovered with his students, when we truly see what's happening now, we can respond with wisdom rather than reacting from our preconceptions.

Chapter 2: Cultivate Inner Peace Through Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of bringing non-judgmental awareness to our experience, moment by moment. It's not about emptying the mind or achieving a particular state, but about developing a different relationship with our thoughts and emotions. Through mindfulness, we learn to observe our inner landscape without being swept away by it, creating space for inner peace to emerge naturally. Sunim explains that when strong negative emotions arise, our first impulse is often to control or suppress them. He uses the vivid metaphor of a fish tank with swirling mud: "To get the mud to sink to the bottom of the tank so you can have a clear view of the fish, the last thing you want to do is submerge your hands in the muddy water and try to push the mud to the bottom. The more you try to push it down, the more you churn it up." Similarly, our attempts to force away negative emotions often intensify them. Instead, Sunim suggests a different approach. When anger, hatred, or jealousy arises, he advises separating the raw energy of the emotion from its linguistic label and then witnessing it calmly until the energy naturally transforms. Rather than identifying with thoughts like "I am angry," we can observe the physical sensations of the emotion with curiosity and compassion. This creates distance between ourselves and the emotion, allowing us to see that emotions are temporary states, not defining characteristics. To practice this in your daily life, start by becoming more aware of your emotional states throughout the day. When you notice a strong emotion arising, pause and turn your attention toward it rather than away. Where do you feel it in your body? Does it have a temperature, weight, or texture? Watch how these sensations change moment by moment, without trying to make them change. Develop the habit of checking in with yourself several times a day, asking "What am I feeling right now?" This simple practice builds your capacity to recognize emotions before they overwhelm you. When difficult emotions arise, remember that you don't need to believe everything you think or act on every feeling. Just as a mirror reflects images without clinging to them, you can acknowledge emotions without being defined by them. The goal isn't to never feel negative emotions, but to develop a healthier relationship with all your emotions. As Sunim writes, "Do not fight your negative emotions. Observe and befriend them." Through this mindful approach, inner peace becomes possible not because your life is perfect, but because you've learned to meet life's imperfections with wisdom and compassion.

Chapter 3: Navigate Relationships with Compassion

Relationships form the fabric of our lives, yet they can be the source of our greatest challenges. Navigating relationships with compassion means recognizing that everyone, including ourselves, is doing their best with the awareness they currently have. It involves seeing beyond behaviors to the needs and feelings that drive them, and responding from understanding rather than judgment. Sunim shares a meaningful story about a backpacking trip he took across Europe with a close friend from his monastery. Initially, their spirits were high as they began their journey, enjoying each other's company and complementary qualities. However, after spending every moment together for seven days, they became irritable and ran out of things to discuss. It wasn't because of any specific problem in their friendship—they simply needed some space. When Sunim suggested they take different routes and meet at the hostel that evening, his friend readily agreed. As the day progressed alone, Sunim experienced both freedom and limitation. He could choose his own activities without negotiation, but he also missed having someone to watch his backpack, share meals with, or capture photos of him. When they reunited that evening, both had fresh experiences to share and a renewed appreciation for each other's company. From this experience, Sunim realized that "the art of maintaining a good relationship can be compared to sitting by a fireplace. If we sit too close for too long, we become hot and possibly burned. If we sit too far away, we cannot feel the warmth." This balance between togetherness and independence is essential in all relationships, whether with friends, family, or romantic partners. To apply this wisdom to your own relationships, start by assessing your current connections. Are there relationships where you're sitting too close to the fire, feeling smothered or resentful? Or perhaps you're sitting too far away, feeling disconnected and cold? Consider what adjustments might bring more balance. Practice giving others space to be themselves without trying to change them. As Sunim advises, "Love means loving someone the way she is. Wanting her to be a certain way is not love but your desire." Similarly, communicate your own needs for connection and space clearly rather than expecting others to intuit them. When conflicts arise, remember that pride often fuels disagreements. Sunim shares the story of Maeng Sa-seong, a prideful young official who visited a Zen master. When the master poured tea into Maeng's cup but didn't stop when it was full, Maeng demanded to know what he was doing. The master replied, "You seem to know that too much tea will ruin the floor, but how do you not know that too much knowledge will ruin one's character?" This humbling lesson reminds us that approaching relationships with humility rather than needing to be right creates space for genuine connection.

Chapter 4: Find Your Authentic Path

Finding your authentic path means aligning your outer life with your inner truth—discovering what genuinely matters to you beyond societal expectations or others' definitions of success. It's about listening to the quiet voice of your heart rather than the loud demands of the world, and having the courage to follow where it leads. Sunim reflects on how our identities are often defined by external markers rather than who we truly are. He shares his experience of walking around New York City in his monastic robes, where children would imitate Bruce Lee upon seeing him, assuming anyone with a shaved head in robes must know martial arts. Adults would ask about his meditation practice, presuming that was the essence of his identity as a monk. In Korea, however, people would ask about his home monastery or temple, as if location defined him. This tendency to reduce people to external characteristics or backgrounds concerns Sunim. He notes that in Korea, one's alma mater can determine career opportunities regardless of actual skills or vision. He uses the example of Steve Jobs, who dropped out of Reed College after one semester. In America, this didn't prevent his success, but Sunim suggests that in Korea, "his educational background would have been a huge impediment to a successful career. Nobody would have taken his ideas seriously or invested in his company; he would have been seen as not smart enough." These encounters prompt Sunim to reflect on his own authenticity: "Am I behaving like a spiritual teacher? Or have I become complacent in my identity and ignored the work I am called to do?" He also questions how he sees others: "Do I make an effort to see who he is beneath his social markers? Or am I reducing people to their background and failing to see who they really are?" To find your own authentic path, begin by questioning the labels and roles you've accepted. Which parts of your life feel genuinely aligned with who you are, and which feel like obligations to others' expectations? Notice when you feel most alive and engaged—these moments offer clues to your authentic path. Create space for self-reflection through practices like journaling, meditation, or simply taking walks alone. Ask yourself what you would do if you weren't concerned with others' opinions or definitions of success. Pay attention to what brings you a sense of meaning beyond external rewards. Remember that finding your authentic path isn't a one-time discovery but an ongoing process of alignment and realignment. As Sunim suggests, "Live your life not to satisfy others, but to fulfill what your heart desires." By gradually bringing your choices into harmony with your inner truth, you'll experience greater fulfillment and make your unique contribution to the world.

Chapter 5: Practice Self-Acceptance and Love

Self-acceptance and love form the foundation for a meaningful life and healthy relationships with others. This practice involves embracing all aspects of yourself—your strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures—with the same compassion you would offer a dear friend. It means recognizing your inherent worthiness beyond your achievements or mistakes. Sunim shares a touching story about receiving a warm bottle of soy milk from someone who approached him shyly after a Dharma talk. The person handed him the bottle with a note saying, "Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to me and offering your advice to such an unremarkable, ordinary person like me." Deeply moved, Sunim wished he could have spoken further with this person who disappeared into the crowd. In response, Sunim wrote: "I want you to know that I love your ordinariness, because I, too, am ordinary. The truth is, we are all ordinary." He explains that regardless of fame, beauty, wealth, power, or accomplishments, everyone experiences setbacks, heartbreak, and loss. We all face challenges beyond our control, and loneliness and fear of death accompany everyone to their final days. "Everyone is on the same treacherous journey of life's tainted glory," he writes. This recognition of shared humanity is at the heart of self-acceptance. Rather than striving to be extraordinary or perfect, we can embrace our ordinariness and find beauty in it. As Sunim puts it, "You are beautiful not because you are better than others but because there is only you who can smile like that. May you fall in love with your unique self." To practice self-acceptance in your daily life, start by becoming aware of your inner critic—the voice that judges and compares you to others. When you notice self-criticism, pause and ask whether you would speak this way to someone you love. If not, consider what words of understanding or encouragement you might offer instead. Develop a regular practice of self-compassion. When you make a mistake or face a difficulty, place a hand on your heart and acknowledge your struggle: "This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment." This simple gesture can interrupt patterns of self-judgment and create space for healing. Remember that self-acceptance doesn't mean complacency or giving up on growth. Rather, it provides the secure foundation from which genuine growth can occur. As Sunim advises, "Love yourself despite your imperfections. Do you not feel compassion for yourself as you struggle through life? You are so eager to help your friends, but you treat yourself so poorly. Stroke your heart once in a while and tell yourself, 'I love you.'"

Chapter 6: Transform Challenges into Growth

Life inevitably brings challenges—disappointments, losses, failures, and unexpected changes that test our resilience. Transforming challenges into growth means developing the capacity to meet difficulties not just with endurance but with openness to the wisdom and strength they can cultivate in us. It's about finding meaning in struggle rather than merely trying to escape it. Sunim offers guidance for those difficult moments when life disappoints us. He writes: "When trust is shattered, when hopes are dashed, when a loved one leaves you, before doing anything, just pause your life and rest a moment." This pause is crucial—it creates space between the triggering event and our response, allowing us to process our emotions before taking action. He suggests practical steps for this pause: surrounding yourself with close friends and sharing food while expressing your feelings; watching a comedy at the movie theater and allowing yourself to laugh and cry; finding a song that speaks to your heart and playing it repeatedly; or taking a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go. These activities aren't mere distractions but ways to honor your emotional experience while preventing it from overwhelming you. Beyond these immediate responses, Sunim encourages a deeper engagement with life's challenges through mindfulness and perspective-taking. He advises: "Life teaches us through our mistakes. When you make a mistake, simply ask yourself what you were meant to learn from it. When we accept such lessons with humility and gratitude, we grow that much more." To transform your own challenges into growth, start by developing the habit of pausing when difficulties arise. Rather than immediately reacting or trying to fix the situation, give yourself permission to feel your emotions and assess what's truly happening. Ask questions like: What can I learn from this? How might this challenge be preparing me for something important? What strengths am I developing through this experience? Practice reframing setbacks as temporary and specific rather than permanent and pervasive. Instead of thinking "Everything is falling apart" or "I always fail," try "This particular situation is difficult right now" or "This approach didn't work, but others might." Cultivate gratitude alongside acknowledgment of difficulties. Each day, note something you appreciate despite your challenges. This trains your mind to hold both the reality of struggle and the reality of blessing simultaneously, preventing you from becoming defined by hardship. Remember that transformation takes time. As Sunim writes: "To get food unstuck from a frying pan, just pour water in the pan and wait. After a while the food loosens on its own. Don't struggle to heal your wounds. Just pour time into your heart and wait. When your wounds are ready, they will heal on their own." Trust this process of healing and growth, knowing that your challenges are not merely obstacles but opportunities for deeper wisdom and compassion.

Summary

Throughout this journey of slowing down, we've explored how mindfulness can transform our relationship with ourselves, others, and life itself. By embracing the present moment, cultivating inner peace, navigating relationships with compassion, finding our authentic path, practicing self-acceptance, and transforming challenges into growth, we discover a more meaningful and fulfilling way to live. As Sunim wisely reminds us, "The world we see is not the entire universe but a limited one that the mind cares about... What our mind focuses on becomes our world." The invitation is simple yet profound: slow down enough to see what truly matters. Begin today by creating small pauses throughout your day—before meals, during transitions between activities, or whenever you feel rushed or stressed. In these spaces of stillness, notice what emerges. The wisdom you seek isn't found in constant doing but in mindful being, not in perfect circumstances but in how you meet whatever arises. As you practice this art of slowing down, you'll discover that life's most precious gifts have been waiting patiently for your attention all along.

About Author

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Haemin Sunim

Zen Buddhist teacher & bestselling author.Born in South Korea and educated at Berkeley, Harvard, and Princeton, he received formal monastic training from Haein monastery, in South Korea. He taught Asian religions at Hampshire College in Massachusetts for seven years.He is one of the most influential Zen monks in the world. His first book, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down has been translated into more than 35 languages and sold over four million copies.His second book, Love for Imperfect Things was the number one bestseller of 2016 in South Korea and became available in multiple languages in 2019. Haemin resides in Seoul when not traveling to share his teachings.Source: haeminsunim.com

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