Triggers

Triggers Plot Summary

Introduction

We all have goals and aspirations for who we want to become. Yet so often, we find ourselves caught in a frustrating cycle—setting ambitious intentions only to watch them dissolve in the face of daily life. Why does this happen? What invisible forces derail our best-laid plans for personal growth and transformation? The gap between our intentions and our actions represents one of life's most challenging puzzles. Our environment exerts a powerful influence on our behavior—one that's far more significant than most of us realize. Every day, we encounter countless triggers that shape our responses, often without our conscious awareness. These triggers can either propel us toward becoming the person we aspire to be or pull us back into old patterns that no longer serve us. The good news is that once we understand how these triggers work, we can begin to harness their power rather than being controlled by them. This journey of intentional change isn't about perfection—it's about creating a structured approach to growth that acknowledges our humanity while empowering us to live with greater purpose and fulfillment.

Chapter 1: Identify Your Behavioral Triggers

At the heart of personal transformation lies a fundamental truth: we cannot change what we don't recognize. Behavioral triggers are stimuli that impact our behavior, often instantaneously and without our awareness. These triggers can be direct or indirect, internal or external, conscious or unconscious, anticipated or unexpected, encouraging or discouraging, and most importantly, productive or counterproductive. Consider Nadeem, an executive in London who found himself consistently losing his cool during meetings when his colleague Simon was present. Through feedback, Nadeem discovered that while he perceived Simon's challenges as racist attacks due to his Pakistani heritage, others in the room saw only typical workplace disagreements. The environment of being in a meeting with Simon was a powerful trigger for Nadeem, causing him to react defensively and damage his reputation as a team player. What made this situation particularly challenging was that Nadeem wasn't even aware of how his environment was affecting him. He believed he was simply defending himself against prejudice. Once he recognized the triggering mechanism, however, he could begin to see that his behavior was situational—occurring solely in Simon's presence—and therefore something he could control. To identify your own triggers, start by examining situations where your behavior doesn't align with your intentions. Ask yourself: When do I most often fail to be the person I want to be? With whom do I struggle most? What environmental factors precede my undesirable behaviors? Keeping a simple journal of triggering events can reveal patterns you might otherwise miss. The most powerful insight comes when you recognize that triggers exist on a matrix of what we want versus what we need. Some triggers encourage behaviors we want but don't need (like binge-watching Netflix instead of studying), while others discourage behaviors we need but don't want (like exercising when we're tired). Understanding where your triggers fall on this matrix helps you see why certain situations consistently derail your best intentions. Remember, identifying triggers isn't about assigning blame—it's about recognizing opportunity. Once you understand what activates certain behaviors, you gain the power to restructure your environment, anticipate challenges, and create new responses that better align with your goals and values.

Chapter 2: Build Active Self-Awareness

Most of us have been asked passive questions throughout our lives: "Do you have clear goals?" "Are you happy?" "Are you engaged in your work?" These questions, while well-intentioned, often lead us to blame our environment rather than take personal responsibility. The breakthrough comes when we shift to active questions that focus on our effort rather than our circumstances. Dr. Kelly Goldsmith, a behavioral marketing expert, helped pioneer this approach during a conversation with her father (the author) about employee engagement. They observed that when companies ask employees passive questions like "Do you have clear goals?", employees almost inevitably blame external factors for any shortcomings. However, when the question becomes "Did you do your best to set clear goals for yourself?" the focus shifts dramatically to personal responsibility and effort. This insight led to a controlled study comparing three groups: a control group with no training, a group that received training followed by passive questions, and a group that received the same training followed by active questions. The results were striking—the active questions group showed twice the improvement of the passive questions group across all measured areas. To implement active self-awareness in your own life, transform your passive questions into active ones. Instead of asking yourself "Was I happy today?" ask "Did I do my best to be happy today?" Other powerful active questions include "Did I do my best to find meaning today?" "Did I do my best to build positive relationships?" and "Did I do my best to be fully engaged?" These questions work because they measure something we rarely track: our level of effort. They hold us accountable not for outcomes—which are often beyond our control—but for our personal investment in areas that matter. This subtle shift creates a profound change in mindset. When we score low on trying to be happy, we have only ourselves to blame. The beauty of active self-awareness is its accessibility. You don't need special training or equipment—just a willingness to honestly assess your effort. By regularly asking yourself active questions, you create a feedback loop that naturally increases your commitment to improvement and reminds you that you're personally responsible for your own growth and engagement.

Chapter 3: Structure Daily Questions for Growth

The power of daily self-questioning lies in its simple yet transformative approach to behavior change. Emily R., a twenty-six-year-old culinary school graduate with a significant weight problem, demonstrates how this process works in practice. After deciding to embark on a sixty-day juice cleanse, Emily enlisted her uncle Mark to help her stay accountable through a structured daily questioning system. Each night at 10 PM, Emily's uncle would call, and she would report her scores on six questions that began with "Did I do my best to..." These included sticking to her juice cleanse, exercising daily, advancing her wine knowledge for a sommelier exam, staying in touch with friends and family, learning something new at work, and doing something nice for someone outside of work. Emily scored her effort on each question from 1 to 10, creating a visual record of her commitment over time. The patterns that emerged proved revealing. For the first twelve days, Emily gave herself perfect 10s on the juice cleanse but zeros on exercise. When her uncle pointed out this contradiction—claiming weight loss was important while completely neglecting physical activity—Emily immediately joined a local YMCA and began swimming regularly. By tracking her effort rather than just outcomes, Emily could see exactly where her commitment was faltering. Over the course of sixty-three days, Emily lost 56 pounds and passed her sommelier exam. More importantly, she developed a framework for sustained behavioral change that she could apply to any area of her life. When the juice cleanse ended, she created new daily questions focused on healthy eating habits, regular exercise, and career development. To implement daily questions in your own life, start by selecting three to six goals that matter deeply to you. Frame each as an active question beginning with "Did I do my best to..." Create a simple spreadsheet or journal to track your daily scores. The key is consistency—answering these questions every single day creates the structure needed for lasting change. Daily questions work by reinforcing commitment, targeting motivation where you need it most, highlighting the difference between self-discipline (achieving desirable behavior) and self-control (avoiding undesirable behavior), and breaking overwhelming goals into manageable daily increments. They remind us that change doesn't happen overnight—it's the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out. This simple process creates accountability without the need for public commitments or external rewards. The only person you need to satisfy is yourself, but that often proves to be the most demanding audience of all.

Chapter 4: Transform Your Environment, Transform Yourself

Our environment shapes our behavior far more than we realize. When we experience road rage on a crowded freeway or become uncharacteristically rude in a restaurant after receiving disappointing service, we're responding to environmental triggers that alter our normal demeanor. The environment we create around us can either support our goals or sabotage them. Alan Mulally, former CEO of Ford Motor Company, understood this principle intuitively. When he took over Ford during a severe financial crisis, he instituted a highly structured weekly Business Plan Review (BPR) meeting with his top sixteen executives. Attendance was mandatory, side conversations and interruptions were prohibited, and each leader was expected to articulate their group's plan, status, forecast, and areas needing attention using a green-yellow-red scoring system. Some executives initially rebelled against this rigid format, seeing it as simplistic or beneath them. But Alan was unwavering: "If you don't want to follow this structure, that's your choice. It doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you can't be part of the team." He understood that without clear structure, the environment would trigger the same unproductive behaviors that had contributed to Ford's $12.7 billion loss the previous year. The structure worked. By limiting options and creating a focused vocabulary, Alan's BPR process transformed Ford's environment from chaotic to cohesive. Everyone knew the plan, everyone knew the status, and everyone knew how to help each other succeed. The company went from near bankruptcy to profitability in just a few years. To transform your own environment, first identify the spaces where your behavior most often falls short of your intentions. Then introduce structure to neutralize environmental triggers. This could be as simple as putting your phone in another room while working, scheduling exercise at the same time each day, or creating a checklist for difficult conversations. The key insight is that structure doesn't limit freedom—it creates it. When we have clear parameters for our behavior, we don't waste mental energy making the same decisions repeatedly or fighting the same temptations. Instead, we can focus our willpower on the areas where it matters most. Remember that successful change doesn't require iron discipline. It requires smart structure. As Alan Mulally showed at Ford, the right structure can transform not just an individual but an entire organization.

Chapter 5: Create a Personal Coaching System

The disconnect between planning and doing represents one of the greatest challenges in personal change. Inside each of us are two separate personas: the planner who intends to change and the doer who must execute that plan. As the day progresses, these two personas grow further apart. The morning planner who commits to being nicer to their spouse is not the evening doer who snaps at them for interrupting a television show. This is where a personal coaching system becomes invaluable. A coach serves as a bridge between our visionary planner and short-sighted doer. At the most basic level, a coach is a follow-up mechanism—someone who checks in on our progress. At a deeper level, a coach instills accountability, reminding us that we must answer for our answers. At the highest level, a coach mediates between our competing internal selves, helping the fragile doer remember what the ambitious planner intended. Griffin, an executive who worked with the author, demonstrates how this system works in practice. Griffin had successfully overcome his habit of adding too much value at work—interrupting employees' ideas with his own "improvements" that diminished their sense of ownership. When he wanted to address a personal issue—becoming irritated by the sound of ice cubes clinking in his wife's evening drink—he applied the same coaching approach. Griffin added a new question to his daily self-assessment: "Did I do my best to enjoy the hour with my wife?" His goal was to score a 10 for effort every day. Initially, he had to grip his own glass tightly to avoid complaining about the sound, but after a few weeks, his irritation began to diminish. Within a month, the problem had vanished. He had conditioned his mind to respond differently to the trigger, transforming annoyance into indifference. To create your own coaching system, identify someone who can serve as your accountability partner—someone who will call or text you daily to review your scores on your active questions. This could be a friend, family member, or colleague. If finding someone proves difficult, consider using a voice recording or journal as your "coach." The key is creating a consistent check-in process that reinforces your commitment. The beauty of this system is that eventually, we become our own coach. After many reminders, we learn to recognize situations where we'll likely stray from our plans. We think, "I've been here before. I know what works and what doesn't." The coach in us takes many forms—an inner voice, a meaningful motto, a memory of someone important—anything that triggers desired behavior in moments of challenge.

Chapter 6: Break the Cycle of Depletion

Why do our discipline and decisiveness fade as the day progresses? Why do we opt to do nothing in the evening instead of something enjoyable or useful? The answer lies in a phenomenon called ego depletion. According to social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister, we possess a limited resource called ego strength, which diminishes throughout the day as we engage in various forms of self-regulation—resisting temptations, making decisions, controlling our thoughts and actions. This depletion affects us in profound ways. The more decisions we make, the more fatigued we become in handling subsequent choices. A vivid example comes from a 2011 study of Israeli parole board decisions, which found that prisoners who appeared before the board early in the morning were granted parole 70 percent of the time, while those appearing late in the day were approved only 10 percent of the time. The board members weren't malicious—they were depleted from making difficult decisions all day. Under depletion's influence, we behave differently. We're more prone to inappropriate social interactions, less likely to follow social norms, less helpful, and potentially more aggressive or passive. All the impulses we try to control during the day rush to center stage as our depletion increases. Robert, the head of an East Coast insurance company, experienced this firsthand. As a gifted salesman with a large, extroverted personality, he excelled at external customer relationships but struggled with internal management. His 360-degree feedback revealed that he scored in the eighth percentile on "Provides clear goals and direction"—meaning 92 percent of leaders tracked in his company were better than him at this crucial skill. To address this challenge, Robert implemented a structured bimonthly one-on-one meeting format with each of his nine direct reports. The agenda consisted of six simple questions: Where are we going? Where are you going? What is going well? Where can we improve? How can I help you? How can you help me? This structure didn't require more energy—in fact, it saved time. By following a consistent format, Robert eliminated the need for improvisation, which would have drained his limited ego strength. To break your own cycle of depletion, identify the times and situations when your willpower is most vulnerable. Then create structure that eliminates the need for decision-making in those moments. This could mean laying out your exercise clothes the night before, pre-planning healthy meals, or scheduling important conversations for morning hours when you're fresh. The key insight is that structure acts as a substitute for self-discipline. When we have structure, we don't have to make as many choices; we just follow the plan. And the net result is we're not being depleted as quickly. Structure doesn't constrain us—it frees us to focus our limited willpower on what matters most.

Chapter 7: Strive Beyond Good Enough

In many areas of life, "good enough" is perfectly acceptable. We don't need to spend hours taste-testing every mustard on the shelf to find the absolute best; a good enough brand will suffice. Economist Herbert Simon called this "satisficing"—our tendency to settle for adequate solutions because pursuing the optimal choice isn't worth the time or effort. However, in the realm of interpersonal behavior—how we treat our family, friends, colleagues, and customers—good enough is setting the bar too low. It disappoints people, creates unnecessary distress, and damages relationships. Four environments particularly trigger this settling for mediocrity. First, when our motivation is marginal—when we lack skill for a task or don't take it seriously—we default to good enough. Second, when we're working pro bono or volunteering, we often believe that doing people a favor justifies doing less than our best. Third, we create artificial distinctions between areas where we consider ourselves "professional" versus "amateur," applying different standards to each. Finally, we have compliance issues—resisting being told how to behave even when it's for our own good. Frances Hesselbein, former CEO of the Girl Scouts of America, demonstrates the opposite of this good enough mentality. When invited to the White House on a date that conflicted with her commitment to speak to a small nonprofit group in Denver, Frances declined the White House invitation. "I have a commitment," she said. "They're expecting me." Most remarkably, she never told the Denver group about the sacrifice she had made. To Frances, integrity was non-negotiable—not something to be adjusted based on status or convenience. To move beyond good enough in your own life, start by examining where you might be settling. Are there relationships where you've stopped trying? Professional situations where you coast on reputation rather than results? Commitments where you deliver minimal effort because "no one will notice"? These are precisely the areas where improvement will yield the greatest benefits. Next, eliminate the artificial distinction between professional and amateur. Dennis, an executive who had made tremendous progress in controlling his combative style at work, realized he was still behaving poorly at home. When asked why, he replied, "At work I have to be professional." The coach's response struck him deeply: "And what about home? It's okay to be an amateur with your family?" Dennis had created a false division, applying his best self only where external rewards were obvious. Remember that people forget your promise but remember your performance. The way you handle even small commitments speaks volumes about your character. As you strive beyond good enough, you'll discover that excellence isn't merely about achievement—it's about becoming the person you want to be in every area of life.

Summary

The journey of intentional change begins with a profound recognition: our environment is not simply the backdrop against which we live our lives—it is an active force that shapes our behavior moment by moment. By identifying our personal triggers, developing active self-awareness, creating structured systems of accountability, and refusing to settle for "good enough," we can transform not only how we act but who we become. As the author emphasizes, "If we do not create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us." The path forward is clear. Choose one area where you want to make a meaningful change. Frame it as an active question that focuses on your effort rather than results. Create a simple structure—whether daily questions, scheduled check-ins, or environmental modifications—that supports your commitment. And remember that change doesn't happen overnight; it's the sum of small efforts repeated day after day. Your environment will continue to trigger responses in you, but now those triggers can propel you forward rather than hold you back. The choice is yours—and the time to begin is now.

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Marshall Goldsmith

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