Verbal Judo

Verbal Judo Plot Summary

Introduction

Have you ever found yourself at a loss for words during a heated argument? Or perhaps you've said something in the heat of the moment that you immediately regretted? Communication under pressure is one of life's greatest challenges, yet few of us receive formal training in how to handle these moments effectively. When tensions rise, our natural reactions often make situations worse rather than better. The ability to remain calm, redirect negative energy, and generate voluntary compliance from others isn't just a rare talent—it's a learnable skill. Through proven techniques developed in the crucible of high-stakes encounters, you can transform potentially explosive situations into productive interactions. By mastering the gentle art of verbal self-defense, you'll not only protect yourself from unnecessary conflict but also build stronger relationships through empathetic understanding. The principles you'll discover work everywhere: in professional settings, family disputes, and even with strangers on the street.

Chapter 1: Learn the Secret Power of Strip Phrases

Strip phrases are simple verbal tools that act as deflectors, allowing insults and verbal attacks to bounce off you rather than provoke an emotional reaction. These short, almost casual expressions help you maintain control during heated exchanges by acknowledging what someone has said without engaging with its emotional content. George Thompson discovered the power of strip phrases accidentally during his early days as a police officer. After stopping a truck full of angry, drunken cowboys following a rodeo, he found himself facing a belligerent driver twice his size. When the man responded to Thompson's request for identification with a string of curses, Thompson instinctively replied, "Well, I 'preciate that, sir, but I need to see your license." This seemingly nonsensical response—acknowledging appreciation for insults—confused the driver enough to defuse the situation and ultimately gain compliance. The magic of strip phrases like "'preciate that," "understan' that," or "oyesss" is that they allow you to acknowledge someone's words without absorbing their negative emotional impact. They serve as a springboard that lets you move past the insult and redirect the conversation toward your goal. As Thompson discovered, these phrases work because they disempower the aggressor while maintaining your professional demeanor. Using strip phrases provides four key benefits. First, they actually make you feel good because you're responding tactically rather than reacting emotionally. Second, they serve as a "springboard focus technique" that helps you leap over insults and stay focused on your purpose. Third, they disempower the other person by preventing their verbal attacks from derailing the conversation. Finally, they help you sound good under pressure, maintaining your credibility with anyone who might be observing. The next time someone verbally attacks you, try responding with a casual "'preciate that" followed by a redirect to your original purpose. You might be surprised at how effectively this simple technique diffuses tension while helping you maintain control of the situation. Remember that when using strip phrases, everything after the word "but" should serve your professional purpose.

Chapter 2: Redirect Energy Rather Than Resist It

The core principle of verbal judo mirrors its physical counterpart: instead of resisting your opponent's energy, move with it and redirect it toward a positive outcome. This fundamental approach transforms confrontations into conversations and turns potential enemies into allies working toward a common goal. Thompson's experience with a massive intoxicated man in an alley illustrates this principle perfectly. While patrolling alone one night, Thompson encountered a six-foot-seven, three-hundred-pound suspect holding a jagged whiskey bottle. Rather than directly confronting the man or escalating the situation, Thompson redirected the encounter by speaking to the man's self-interest: "You're a great big guy. You can beat me up, no problem. But let me tell you something. All I'm trying to arrest you for is disorderly conduct. That's just a misdemeanor... Takin' me down is not such a hot idea." By explaining the consequences in terms that mattered to the suspect—jail time, fines, loss of job, criminal record—Thompson redirected the man's energy away from confrontation and toward compliance. The man ultimately dropped the bottle, turned around voluntarily, and allowed himself to be handcuffed without incident. Thompson had achieved what he calls "voluntary compliance" through redirection rather than force. The principle of redirection works in everyday situations too. When Thompson's teenage daughter asked for a car he couldn't afford, rather than flatly refusing (which would have created resistance), he redirected her energy by asking her to research maintenance costs. This led her to discover on her own that a car wasn't feasible, and she proposed a more practical alternative that benefited them both. To apply this approach in your own life, listen carefully to understand what motivates the other person, then frame your response in terms of their interests rather than your authority. Ask yourself: What does this person care about? What are they trying to achieve? How can I redirect their energy toward a solution that works for both of us? By moving with resistance rather than against it, you transform potential conflict into cooperation. Remember, mastery comes through adaptation. When you encounter resistance, don't push back—redirect it. This approach requires empathy and flexibility, but the results speak for themselves: peaceful resolutions that preserve relationships and dignity on all sides.

Chapter 3: Master the Five-Step Hard Style

The Five-Step Hard Style is a structured approach for gaining voluntary compliance from difficult people in challenging situations. This method provides a clear pathway from initial request to final action, ensuring you maintain control while giving others the opportunity to cooperate willingly. Thompson developed this approach after a humbling experience as a new police officer. After being reprimanded by his chief for his overly aggressive approach with citizens, Thompson tried a different tactic with his next difficult encounter. When confronting a driver with an open bottle of alcohol, instead of barking orders, Thompson said, "Sir, listen to me. There's a whiskey bottle by your right leg. Now, sir, that constitutes under the law what we call an open-bottle charge. I have no choice but to have you step out, because I'm required to enter your vehicle and take a look at that bottle. For your safety and mine, sir, department policy says I have to ask you to step out. Would you do that for me?" The Five-Step Hard Style begins with a simple, respectful request (Step 1: Ask). When that doesn't work, you set context by explaining the reasons behind your request (Step 2: Set Context). Thompson found that approximately 70% of difficult people will comply once they understand the "why" behind a request. For those who still resist, you present options with clear consequences (Step 3: Present Options), framing them in terms of the person's best interests rather than as threats. If resistance continues, you confirm whether cooperation is forthcoming by asking, "Is there anything I can say or do at this time to earn your cooperation?" (Step 4: Confirm). This powerful question gives the person one last chance while signaling that discussion is nearly over. Only after exhausting these verbal options do you move to appropriate action (Step 5: Act). This approach works beautifully with teenagers too. When Thompson's son delayed taking out the trash before going to a party, instead of yelling, Thompson reminded him of their agreement, presented options ("Taylor, listen, we agreed, 'When cans by curb, Taylor out for parties'"), and finally asked if there was anything he could say to earn cooperation. By maintaining this structured approach, parents can gain compliance without damaging relationships. The Five-Step Hard Style provides certainty and clarity in difficult situations. It prevents the common mistake of weakly repeating the same order multiple times. Instead, each step represents a different approach, demonstrating flexibility and strength while preserving everyone's dignity.

Chapter 4: Deploy LEAPS in High-Stress Situations

LEAPS represents five fundamental communication tools that work together to defuse tension and build rapport in high-stress encounters. This acronym stands for Listen, Empathize, Ask, Paraphrase, and Summarize—skills that transform confrontations into conversations when emotions run high. Thompson once witnessed a remarkable example of LEAPS in action when accompanying a police officer named Ron on a late-night arrest. After taking a teenager into custody on a minor warrant, they faced an angry mother shouting obscenities and hostile neighbors gathering around their patrol car. Instead of escalating the situation, Ron approached the mother calmly, removed his hat (showing respect), and said: "Ma'am, listen to me. My name is Officer Ron, and I'm with the Police Department. I'm arresting your boy because I have to. I have a warrant. If I don't arrest him, they arrest me. But it's a minor warrant, ma'am. I don't blame you for being upset, because I have a son about your boy's age, and I'd be upset too." Ron's approach demonstrated each element of LEAPS. He listened attentively to her concerns, empathized with her position as a worried mother, asked her to work with him by coming to the station in the morning, paraphrased her feelings ("I don't blame you for being upset"), and summarized next steps clearly. The result was remarkable—by the time they drove away, the mother was actually thanking the officer who had just arrested her son. To implement LEAPS effectively, start by truly listening—not just waiting for your turn to speak. Project a face that shows you're paying attention. Then empathize by trying to see the situation through the other person's eyes, even if you don't agree with their perspective. Ask questions that show interest in their viewpoint, varying between general, opinion-seeking, and fact-finding questions to reduce resistance. When tensions rise, use paraphrasing to show you're trying to understand: "Let me be sure I heard what you just said." This powerful technique interrupts without offending and demonstrates that you value the other person's input. Finally, summarize decisively to show that you've reached a conclusion and are moving forward with clarity. By deploying these five communication tools in sequence, you can transform potentially explosive situations into productive exchanges. LEAPS doesn't just defuse tension—it builds credibility and creates the foundation for voluntary compliance even in the most challenging circumstances.

Chapter 5: Apply the Five Universal Truths

The Five Universal Truths transcend cultural, racial, and social differences, providing a framework for respectful interaction that works with everyone, everywhere. These principles reflect fundamental human needs that, when honored, create the foundation for positive communication across all boundaries. Thompson developed these truths after being repeatedly asked whether his Verbal Judo techniques addressed cultural differences. Rather than focusing on how people differ, he identified five principles that apply universally to all humans, regardless of background: First, all people want to be treated with dignity and respect. When someone feels disrespected, their natural instinct is to fight back or seek revenge—a universal human reaction. Thompson witnessed this truth repeatedly on the streets, where even the most dangerous suspects would respond positively when treated respectfully. Second, all people prefer to be asked rather than told what to do. A request honors autonomy while a command challenges it. Thompson found that simply changing "Step out of the car" to "Would you please step out of the car?" dramatically improved compliance rates during traffic stops. Third, people want to know why they're being asked to do something. Thompson discovered that approximately 70% of difficult encounters could be resolved simply by explaining the reason behind a request. This simple act of transparency satisfies a fundamental human need for understanding. Fourth, people respond better to options than threats. When Thompson offered an intoxicated suspect the choice between a simple misdemeanor charge or escalating to a felony by resisting, the man chose the easier path. Options preserve dignity by allowing people to make their own decisions rather than being forced into compliance. Finally, everyone wants a second chance when they make a mistake. Thompson teaches that allowing people the opportunity to correct their behavior without losing face is a powerful way to generate voluntary compliance. These universal truths can be temporarily suspended in SAFER situations: when Security is threatened, when under Attack, during unlawful Flight, after Excessive repetition, or when priorities are Revised due to emergency. Otherwise, they form the foundation for effective communication with anyone, anywhere. By applying these five principles in your daily interactions, you'll find that differences in culture, background, or personality become less problematic. As Thompson often taught, "The more different someone is from you, the better you have to handle them." The Universal Truths provide the framework for doing exactly that.

Chapter 6: Respond Don't React to Difficult People

There's a critical difference between responding and reacting to difficult people—one leads to productive outcomes while the other often escalates conflict. Understanding this distinction is essential for maintaining control in challenging situations. Thompson learned this lesson the hard way during his early days as a police officer. Called to a domestic dispute at 2 AM, he observed his training sergeant, Bruce Fair, handle the situation in a surprising way. Instead of announcing his authority or demanding the arguing couple stop fighting, Bruce simply walked in, sat down on their couch, and began reading a newspaper as if nothing unusual was happening. When the stunned couple finally noticed him, Bruce asked to use their phone to call about a car he'd seen advertised. This completely redirected their energy, defusing the argument without confrontation. The key insight here is that Bruce responded to the situation rather than reacted to it. As Thompson explains, the word "respond" comes from the Latin respondere, meaning "to reanswer." When you respond, you're making a conscious choice about how to handle a situation based on what will be most effective. In contrast, reacting means you're being controlled by external stimuli—your buttons are being pushed, and you're behaving automatically. To shift from reacting to responding, Thompson recommends developing what the samurai called mushin or "the still center"—the ability to remain calm internally regardless of external chaos. This state allows you to read your opponent, empathize with their position, and choose the most effective approach rather than being triggered into an emotional reaction. One practical technique for maintaining this calm center is identifying your "communication enemies"—those triggers that consistently provoke emotional reactions. Thompson discovered his own nemesis was anyone who challenged his authority. By naming this trigger the "Wanna Bet? Guy," he gained control over it and could recognize when it was being activated. This awareness created space for a chosen response rather than an automatic reaction. Remember that anger will defeat you in battle as well as in life. When someone pushes your buttons, take a breath, maintain your still center, and choose a response that serves your purpose rather than your ego. As Thompson teaches, "When man throws spear of insult at head, move head! Spear miss target, leave man empty-handed, spear in wall, not in you."

Summary

Throughout this journey into verbal self-defense, we've explored powerful techniques for redirecting negative energy, maintaining calm under pressure, and generating voluntary compliance through empathetic understanding. From the simplicity of strip phrases to the structured approach of the Five-Step Hard Style, these tools transform potentially explosive situations into productive exchanges. As Thompson so powerfully stated: "Empathy absorbs tension. It works every time." Your next interaction with a difficult person is an opportunity to practice these principles. When faced with resistance or hostility, remember to respond rather than react. Deploy your strip phrases, set context, present options, and maintain your professional face. Above all, treat everyone with dignity and respect regardless of circumstances. By making Verbal Judo a natural response—something woven into the fabric of your character—you'll find yourself dancing gracefully through situations where once you might have stumbled.

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George J. Thompson

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