We're Pregnant!

We're Pregnant! Plot Summary

Introduction

Becoming a father is one of life's most profound transformations. The journey begins long before you hold your baby for the first time—it starts the moment you learn about your partner's pregnancy. Many men feel unprepared, uncertain about their role during those nine months when their partner is visibly growing and changing while they seemingly remain the same. This disconnect can lead to missed opportunities for bonding, support, and personal growth. Throughout this journey, you'll face unique challenges: supporting your partner through physical and emotional changes, educating yourself about pregnancy and childbirth, preparing your home and heart for a new family member, and navigating your own complex emotions. But with each challenge comes an incredible opportunity to lay the foundation for becoming the father you want to be. The path ahead is filled with precious moments and meaningful experiences that will forever change how you view yourself and your place in the world.

Chapter 1: Prepare Your Mind and Heart for Fatherhood

Preparing for fatherhood begins with acknowledging both the excitement and fear that come with this life-changing responsibility. The moment those double lines appear on a pregnancy test, your life trajectory changes forever. While your partner experiences immediate physical changes, your transformation is primarily mental and emotional—a gradual process of accepting and embracing your new identity as a father. Adrian Kulp, author and father of four, honestly describes his own initial reluctance: "I was still enjoying the freedoms of the life I had created nearly a decade before we met. Even into the first few months of my marriage, I maintained my previously curated schedule, coming and going as I pleased, with little consideration for my wife and her needs." Many first-time fathers share this experience—the hesitation to give up personal freedoms and the uncertainty about what fatherhood entails. When Kulp first learned about his wife's pregnancy, he felt completely unprepared. It wasn't until their 16-week appointment, when he discovered they were having a daughter, that the reality truly hit him. This revelation became a turning point. While his wife had already embraced her changing identity—collecting pregnancy books, avoiding alcohol, and filtering advice from well-meaning relatives—Kulp realized he needed to catch up quickly. He describes this moment as an epiphany: "It was time for me to make the leap into manhood." Rather than remaining passive, he decided to attend every doctor's appointment, educate himself about pregnancy, and become an active participant in the journey. The path to mental preparation involves confronting common fears: Will I be a good father? What if I make mistakes? How will I balance work and family responsibilities? These concerns are universal and acknowledging them is the first step toward addressing them. Start by having honest conversations with your partner about expectations, hopes, and worries. Share your feelings with other fathers who can offer perspective and reassurance based on their experiences. Practical steps for mental preparation include reading books about pregnancy and childcare, attending prenatal appointments, participating in childbirth classes, and discussing parenting philosophies with your partner. Consider creating a "fatherhood vision"—writing down the kind of father you aspire to be and the values you want to instill in your child. This exercise helps clarify your intentions and provides motivation during challenging moments. Remember that preparing for fatherhood isn't about achieving perfection. As Kulp discovered, it's about committing to the journey with an open heart and willingness to grow. "The reality is that all of us—both men and women—start off clueless when it comes to pregnancy; the difference is that women have no choice but to push through the unknown. They don't try, they just do." By choosing to engage fully in the pregnancy process, you're already taking significant steps toward becoming the father your child deserves.

Chapter 2: Support Her Through Physical and Emotional Changes

Supporting your partner through pregnancy means understanding the profound physical and emotional changes she experiences over nine months. While you might observe the growing belly, behind this visible transformation lies an intricate biological process affecting every system in her body. Hormonal fluctuations trigger morning sickness, fatigue, breast tenderness, and mood swings that can feel overwhelming and unpredictable. Adrian Kulp shares a pivotal conversation with his wife that changed his perspective: "Women become mothers the moment they find out they're pregnant, and most men become fathers when they first hold their babies for the first time—but there are nine months in between." This insight revealed the empathy gap he needed to bridge. His wife was already experiencing motherhood through physical symptoms and emotional attachment to their growing baby, while he remained somewhat detached, still living as he always had. This realization prompted Kulp to become more attentive to his wife's changing needs. He noticed how her "super smell" developed around week seven, making previously tolerable odors suddenly unbearable. "First, she would focus on my gym shoes or our daughter's UGGs that she wears for weeks without socks. Then she'd move on to my truck or our son's bedroom closet." Instead of dismissing these sensitivities, he took action—deep cleaning the house, steam cleaning carpets, and scrubbing the refrigerator. He even became "the guy in charge of smelling things to see if they're rotten" so his wife could avoid nausea triggers. Supporting your partner effectively requires understanding the specific challenges of each trimester. During the first trimester, focus on alleviating morning sickness and fatigue—perhaps by preparing ginger tea or small, frequent meals. In the second trimester, help her navigate changing body image and increasing physical discomfort. By the third trimester, she'll need practical assistance with daily tasks as her mobility becomes limited. Emotional support is equally important. Pregnancy hormones can create mood swings that seem irrational to an outside observer but feel intensely real to your partner. Practice patience and avoid dismissive responses like "you're just hormonal." Instead, validate her feelings while helping her find constructive ways to manage stress. Create opportunities for relaxation by taking over household responsibilities, scheduling prenatal massages, or simply listening without trying to "fix" every concern she expresses. Communication becomes your most powerful tool during this journey. Ask specific questions about her comfort and needs rather than vague offers like "let me know if you need anything." Kulp suggests becoming proactive: "To effectively relieve the stressors in her life while she is growing a human, especially because you can't offer to carry the baby for her, pull your weight by taking on the majority of the household chores." This concrete support shows your partner she's not alone in this transformation—you're growing together as parents, even if your experiences differ.

Chapter 3: Master the Essentials of Pregnancy Knowledge

Mastering pregnancy knowledge involves understanding the remarkable developmental journey your baby undergoes from conception to birth. Each week brings significant changes—from a microscopic cluster of cells to a fully formed infant. This knowledge not only helps you connect with the pregnancy process but also enables you to support your partner more effectively through each stage. Adrian Kulp describes his own knowledge gap during his wife's first pregnancy: "When I decided to focus fully on the pregnancy, albeit 16 weeks late, I immediately turned my attention to the books that my wife had already read and memorized." He discovered that understanding the weekly milestones helped him feel more invested in the pregnancy. For instance, learning that at week 7, the embryo's heart begins beating and facial features start forming made the pregnancy more tangible despite not being able to feel the baby move yet. As Kulp became more educated, he found himself sharing in the wonder of development. He recounts the excitement of week 14, when they learned their baby had developed a neck and functioning kidneys. By week 20, halfway through the pregnancy, he understood that all the baby's organs were in place, like "tiny versions of full-size organs." This knowledge transformed ultrasound appointments from confusing medical procedures to meaningful glimpses of their developing child. To build your pregnancy knowledge effectively, start by familiarizing yourself with the three trimesters and their distinct characteristics. The first trimester (weeks 1-13) focuses on organ development; the second trimester (weeks 14-27) involves growth and refinement of systems; and the third trimester (weeks 28-40) centers on weight gain and final preparations for birth. Each stage brings different experiences for your partner—from early morning sickness to later backaches and sleeping difficulties. Practical knowledge also includes understanding common prenatal tests and their purposes. Genetic screenings, glucose tests for gestational diabetes, and ultrasounds all provide important information about your baby's health. Attending these appointments with your partner allows you to ask questions directly and shows your commitment to shared parenting from the start. Don't overlook the importance of birth education. Kulp advises: "Sign up for childbirth classes: My wife and I never got around to taking these, but I wish that we would have." These classes prepare you both for labor and delivery through discussions and practical exercises. Understanding what to expect during childbirth helps you become an effective support person when the time comes. Additionally, learning about postpartum recovery helps you prepare for the challenges of the "fourth trimester" after birth. Remember that knowledge acquisition is an ongoing process throughout pregnancy. As Kulp discovered, "There's so much happening over the next 14 weeks between doctor's appointments and fulfilling your many to-do lists." By approaching pregnancy education with curiosity and commitment, you transform yourself from a passive observer to an informed and engaged father-to-be.

Chapter 4: Build a Nurturing Environment for Baby

Building a nurturing environment for your baby involves both physical preparation and creating emotional foundations for your growing family. The process of preparing your home often begins with the practical task of setting up a nursery, but extends to establishing new family dynamics and priorities well before your baby arrives. Adrian Kulp describes how this nesting instinct affected him during his wife's pregnancy: "In case you haven't taken notice, Mom might be tearing apart the house, washing, drying, folding, and organizing and reorganizing the closets. This is called 'nesting,' and it rides shotgun with most pregnancies." While this energy often manifests strongly in pregnant women, fathers can channel similar instincts into productive preparation. For Kulp, this meant converting his home office/man cave into a nursery "complete with pink accent walls and chiffon curtains" for their daughter. The transformation wasn't just about physical space but also about mental adjustment. Kulp realized that poker nights with "eight guys smoking cigars and crushing half-gallons of Captain Morgan" in the living room would no longer be appropriate with a pregnant wife needing rest. His priorities shifted as he assessed their living situation, considering factors like neighborhood safety, space requirements, and lifestyle adjustments necessary for welcoming a baby. Creating a nurturing environment also involves practical preparations like setting up a baby registry and purchasing essential items. Kulp emphasizes the importance of researching major purchases: "We take an afternoon or two to visit somewhere like Babies 'R' Us, which does a pretty good job of making things like car seats, strollers, and cribs accessible as floor models so you can actually see how they work." He suggests focusing on versatile, gender-neutral items if you plan to have more children, noting that his family has "pieces that my wife and I have used for all four children." Beyond physical preparations, building a nurturing environment means establishing healthy family patterns before birth. This includes discussing parenting philosophies, division of responsibilities, and how you'll maintain your relationship amid the demands of childcare. Kulp recommends planning for the "fourth trimester"—the challenging first three months after birth when your baby needs constant care and your partner is recovering from delivery. "Sleep is extremely important for both parents once the baby is born," he writes, suggesting couples discuss arrangements like taking turns for night feedings or considering help from family members. Safety preparation is another crucial aspect of creating a nurturing environment. Kulp advises: "If you haven't done any research on what it takes to babyproof your house, take some of your downtime and start making a list." Begin by identifying obvious hazards like electrical outlets and household chemicals, then research more comprehensive safety measures. Installing car seats correctly, preparing hospital bags in advance, and establishing emergency plans all contribute to a secure environment for your growing family. Remember that building a nurturing environment is as much about cultivating the right mindset as it is about physical preparation. As Kulp discovered, the process helps transition from "me" to "we" thinking, creating space in your heart and home for this new life about to join your family.

Chapter 5: Navigate Labor, Delivery and Early Parenting

Navigating labor, delivery, and early parenting requires preparation, flexibility, and emotional resilience. While childbirth classes provide valuable information, nothing fully prepares you for the intensity of these experiences as they unfold. Your role during this critical transition is both to support your partner through one of her most physically challenging experiences and to prepare yourself for the emotional impact of meeting your child for the first time. Adrian Kulp shares his experience of the unexpected nature of childbirth: "Almost nothing about having children happens on your schedule." He recalls how during their second child's birth, a major highway closure in Los Angeles called "Carmageddon" forced them to take back roads to the hospital when his wife's water broke. This taught him the importance of having contingency plans—knowing alternate routes to the hospital, packing hospital bags well in advance, and being mentally prepared for the unexpected. Understanding the stages of labor helps you provide better support. Kulp outlines these phases: First stage—contractions that progressively dilate the cervix; Second stage—pushing and the actual birth; Third stage—delivery of the placenta. Recognizing these stages helps you gauge progress and provide appropriate encouragement. During his wife's labor, Kulp focused on being "the rock," providing reassurance while handling practical details like contacting family members, managing hospital logistics, and advocating for their birth preferences. The transition to early parenting brings new challenges, particularly sleep deprivation. Kulp candidly describes this reality: "To say that you're going to be sleep deprived for a few weeks is an understatement." He advises couples to prioritize sleep above everything else, even suggesting they sleep when the baby sleeps rather than catching up on household tasks. His practical suggestion to "create a solid routine" by establishing consistent feeding and bedtime schedules helps new parents maintain sanity during this adjustment period. For many fathers, the first diaper change becomes an important bonding moment. Kulp recalls taking the lead on this task: "It's a huge moment for Dad and the baby to connect, and with a nurse standing by, dads can get a good feel for how the process should be done." He encourages new fathers to embrace these hands-on care opportunities, noting they build confidence and strengthen the father-child relationship from the beginning. Supporting your partner during postpartum recovery requires understanding both physical and emotional challenges. Kulp notes that breastfeeding can be "physically and emotionally challenging" and encourages fathers to provide encouragement and practical help. He also emphasizes vigilance regarding postpartum mood disorders, advising partners to "stay alert for signs of prenatal mood disorders and educate yourself on the impact postpartum depression can have on new moms." Throughout this intense transition, maintain communication with your partner about your shared experience. Kulp reflects that establishing teamwork during pregnancy creates a foundation for navigating parenthood: "Finding that routine or schedule with your partner is of paramount importance. A routine will relieve stress in both of your lives and allow you to put more emphasis on becoming great parents." By approaching labor, delivery, and early parenting as a team effort, you not only support your partner but also establish your identity as an engaged and capable father.

Chapter 6: Create Strong Family Bonds from Day One

Creating strong family bonds begins from day one of your baby's life, establishing patterns of connection that will shape your family dynamics for years to come. These early interactions—though your newborn may seem barely responsive—lay neural pathways in your baby's developing brain that form the foundation for secure attachment and healthy emotional development. Adrian Kulp emphasizes the importance of these early bonding opportunities: "Enjoy an abundance of quiet time looking into baby's eyes, allowing the baby skin-to-skin contact on Dad's chest, and letting him or her learn your voice, your smell, and your laugh. Before too long, you'll have your own way of communicating without even talking." These intimate moments, which might seem small, actually create powerful connections between father and child. Kulp shares how he discovered unique ways to bond with his newborns. During week forty-seven, he notes that babies begin responding to social cues with genuine smiles: "This could be the week that you catch your baby smiling, and this time it's probably not just the gas. Baby is responding to social cues, and that reaction is genuine." He encouraged new fathers to seize these moments of connection, noting how babies recognize and appreciate music, begin to follow movement with their eyes, and develop distinct preferences. Physical contact plays a crucial role in building these bonds. Kulp recommends activities like tummy time: "With a few times on the mat every day, baby will soon be able to hold their head up and gain a whole new perspective on the world!" He also suggests taking an active role in feeding, whether through bottle feeding or supporting breastfeeding. These hands-on care activities help fathers develop confidence while creating opportunities for one-on-one connection with their baby. Documentation of these early days becomes another bonding ritual. Kulp writes about becoming "a historian" for his growing family: "Chronicle your baby's growth with weekly photos. My wife and I buy journals for each child and write in them every so often, as well as when huge things begin to happen in their development." These records not only preserve precious memories but also demonstrate to children as they grow that their development and milestones were celebrated from the beginning. Creating family bonds also means nurturing your relationship with your partner amid the demands of new parenthood. Kulp advises scheduling date nights once the baby accepts a bottle: "This might be good time for you and your partner to schedule a night out together to reconnect." He recognizes that maintaining a strong partnership provides the stable foundation children need to thrive. As weeks pass and routines stabilize, Kulp encourages fathers to expand bonding activities: "It's so easy to just go through the motions—sleep, eat, poop—but don't forget to play. This is one of the greatest bonding moments with baby. Sing, dance, and try and get a reaction from them with toys that make sound." These playful interactions build neural connections in your baby's brain while establishing you as a source of joy and security in their world. Remember that creating strong bonds isn't about perfection but presence. The time you invest during these early weeks, despite exhaustion and uncertainty, establishes patterns of engagement that will shape your relationship with your child throughout their life. As Kulp discovered through four children, these early connections grow into profound relationships that transform not just your child's life but your own identity as a father.

Summary

The journey to fatherhood transforms not just your life circumstances but your very identity. Throughout this transition, your active participation from conception through birth and beyond creates the foundation for meaningful family bonds and confident parenting. As Adrian Kulp wisely observed, "Fatherhood is the new brotherhood." This profound insight reminds us that becoming a father connects you to a community of men who share similar experiences, challenges, and joys—you are never truly alone on this path. Your most important action begins now: commit to full engagement in every aspect of pregnancy and early parenthood. Whether attending prenatal appointments, helping prepare your home, supporting your partner through labor, or bonding with your newborn, each step matters. Remember that fatherhood isn't about perfection but presence—being fully available emotionally and physically as you grow into this new role. By embracing the journey with an open heart and willing hands, you're already becoming the father your child deserves.

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Adrian Kulp

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