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Before I Let You Go

4.2 (36,324 ratings)
17 minutes read | Text | 9 key ideas
Lexie Vidler's world shatters with a late-night phone call, her estranged sister's voice pulling her back into a whirlwind of chaos. Annie, once again entangled in the snares of addiction and deceit, faces a dire predicament. This time, her troubles carry a weight like never before—pregnancy and the risk of losing her child. Lexie, torn between duty and self-preservation, must navigate the turmoil of caring for a fragile infant while her life teeters on the edge of disarray. Her career hangs by a thread, and her relationship strains under the pressure of Annie's relentless crises. As Annie embarks on a fraught path of court-mandated rehabilitation, confronting the shadows of their shared past becomes inevitable. Secrets long buried threaten to surface, challenging the sisters to find redemption or risk descending further into darkness. With profound empathy, this tale delves into the complexities of familial bonds and questions the limits of unconditional love.

Categories

Fiction, Audiobook, Mystery, Adult, Family, Book Club, Contemporary, Adult Fiction, Drama, Addiction

Content Type

Book

Binding

Paperback

Year

2018

Publisher

Graydon House

Language

English

ISBN13

9781525820847

File Download

PDF | EPUB

Before I Let You Go Plot Summary

Introduction

# Shattered Bonds: A Sister's Love Through Addiction and Loss The phone screamed through darkness at two in the morning. Dr. Lexie Vidler knew before she answered—only Annie called at this hour, only when the world was ending again. Her sister's voice cracked through the receiver like breaking glass, desperate and slurred with eight months of secrets. Annie was pregnant. Dying, maybe. Too terrified of drug tests to seek help. The symptoms she described—blinding headaches, swollen feet, double vision—painted a picture of catastrophe waiting to unfold. Lexie had made a promise to their dying father years ago, a promise that had already cost her jobs, relationships, and peace of mind. Tonight, racing through empty streets toward a decrepit trailer, that promise might cost her everything. What she found there was no longer her sister, but a wasteland after war—skeletal, hollow-eyed, carrying an innocent life in a body poisoned by heroin.

Chapter 1: The Midnight Crisis: Annie's Desperate Call for Help

The emergency room buzzed with controlled chaos when they arrived. Annie writhed on the gurney, her blood pressure readings screaming danger—160/120. The baby's heartbeat stuttered through the monitor, stressed by months of poison. Dr. Martinez pulled Lexie aside with grim professionalism. The blood work told a story of devastation: heroin, methadone, cocaine coursing through Annie's system. "The baby will likely suffer neonatal abstinence syndrome," he said. "Withdrawal. It can last weeks." Police officers materialized with paperwork. Chemical endangerment of a child—a felony in Alabama carrying decades in prison. Annie's terror was palpable as she begged Lexie to keep her promise that everything would be okay. But promises, Lexie was learning, were easier to make than keep. The contractions intensified. Annie disappeared behind surgical doors for an emergency cesarean, her hand slipping from Lexie's grasp like water. In the operating room, silence stretched like eternity until a tiny, fragile cry pierced the air. Daisy Nell Vidler entered the world purple and translucent, weighing just under five pounds, but breathing on her own. When the nurse placed the baby against Annie's shoulder, transformation was instant. Despite her broken state, Annie became a mother—fierce, protective, desperate. But outside the delivery room, a social worker waited with forms that would tear this fragile family apart before it could even begin.

Chapter 2: Legal Chains: Fighting the System for a Mother's Rights

Mary Rafferty arrived with the cold efficiency of someone who had processed too many cases like this. Her assessment was swift and merciless—Annie was unfit to make decisions about her child's welfare. The legal machinery ground into motion with terrifying speed. A juvenile court hearing would strip Annie of parental rights before she could even hold her daughter properly. Bernie, the criminal defense attorney Lexie hired, delivered brutal truth from her dusty office above a furniture store. Once parental rights were stripped from women like Annie, they were almost impossible to restore. The sentences ranged from one to ten years for a healthy baby, ten to twenty if the child was harmed. The law had been written to protect children from meth labs, but prosecutors had weaponized it against pregnant addicts. Judge Brown, a conservative man with little sympathy for drug-addicted mothers, granted the state's petition without hesitation. His words echoed through the sterile courtroom: "You have endangered an innocent life through selfish choices." The gavel fell like a death sentence. Annie would have exactly seven days with her daughter before mandatory separation. Seven days to bond before being torn away for a ninety-day rehabilitation program that might be her last chance at freedom. The alternative was prison, and Daisy would become another casualty of a system that punished addiction instead of treating it.

Chapter 3: Innocent Suffering: Daisy's Birth and Withdrawal

The NICU became a chamber of horrors as Daisy's withdrawal symptoms intensified. Her tiny body shook with tremors, skin erupting in angry rashes, vomiting up every drop of milk. The high-pitched wail of neonatal abstinence syndrome echoed through the ward—a sound that would haunt Lexie's dreams for years. Nurses administered morphine in carefully measured doses, weaning the baby slowly from an addiction she had never chosen. Monitoring leads and oxygen cannulas couldn't hide Daisy's perfection, but they were harbingers of hell to come. This innocent child was experiencing agony that most adults couldn't endure. Annie spent every possible moment in the darkened room, rocking her daughter through the worst of it. Between morphine doses, when Daisy's pain peaked, Annie sang lullabies through her own tears. She had changed the words to "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"—the same version Lexie had sung to her in childhood: "Do you know how loved you are?" The irony was crushing. Annie's love for her daughter was pure and fierce, but love alone couldn't undo months of damage. Every convulsion, every cry, every sleepless night was a reminder of choices that couldn't be undone. The baby fought for peace in a world that felt like torture, while her mother faced the approaching deadline of separation with growing desperation.

Chapter 4: Forced Separation: The Path to Rehabilitation

The day of separation arrived with brutal finality. Annie's sobs echoed through hospital corridors as she kissed her daughter goodbye. Every step toward the parking lot was agony, every backward glance a knife twist. Sam positioned himself behind them, ready to block any attempt at flight, but Annie's determination held. She was doing this for Daisy, even if it destroyed her. The Auburn rehabilitation center sat like a fortress in Alabama countryside, its brick walls designed to keep the broken inside until they could be made whole. Luke French, the director, studied Annie with weary eyes that had seen too many promises broken. His assessment was harsh but honest—addiction was rooted in disconnection and trauma, requiring superhuman strength to overcome. "Recovery isn't something that happens to you," he told her during intake. "It's something you choose, every single day." Annie's jaw tightened. She had heard these speeches before, in other facilities, from other well-meaning professionals. But this time felt different. This time, Daisy's face haunted her dreams, and her daughter's cries echoed in every quiet moment. The statistics weren't encouraging—most women in her situation failed—but Luke had seen miracles before. Sometimes love for a child was enough to break chains that nothing else could touch. Meanwhile, Lexie signed guardianship papers with trembling hands, officially becoming responsible for a life she hadn't planned for. Their carefully planned future—medical careers, a wedding, children of their own—had just been rewritten by Annie's addiction.

Chapter 5: Buried Secrets: Unveiling Childhood Trauma

In group therapy, Annie sat silent while others shared stories of addiction and loss. Luke pushed her to engage, to dig beneath the surface of her pain, but she retreated into familiar armor of sarcasm and rage. She had learned long ago that vulnerability was dangerous, that showing weakness invited predators. The journal arrived from Lexie—a leather-bound book their father had given Annie before his death. For days, it sat untouched on her bedside table, a reminder of the girl she used to be before the world taught her that hope was luxury she couldn't afford. When she finally opened it, words poured out like blood from a wound. She wrote about their childhood in the religious community after their father's death. Their grieving mother had fallen under the influence of Robert, a widower from a fundamentalist sect. What began as Bible study sessions became complete indoctrination, leading to their mother's remarriage and the family's move to isolated Winterton. The sect's rules were suffocating—no television, radio, or secular books. Women couldn't cut their hair or wear pants. Children, especially girls, were expected to submit without question. While Lexie learned to blend in and survive, Annie rebelled at every turn. Her acts of defiance brought increasingly violent punishments from Robert. But the darkest secrets remained locked away, too terrible to commit to paper. After Lexie escaped on her sixteenth birthday, fourteen-year-old Annie was left alone and vulnerable. Robert's nighttime visits began shortly after, accompanied by threats and justifications that convinced the traumatized girl she deserved the abuse.

Chapter 6: The Final Descent: When Hope Meets Despair

Three weeks into rehab, Annie emerged from detox physically clean but emotionally shattered. The real work was just beginning—intensive therapy sessions with Luke that forced her to confront decades of buried trauma. Every session was a battle, every memory a fresh wound torn open for examination. Luke pushed relentlessly, refusing to accept Annie's deflections or excuses. The comfortable lies she had told herself for years crumbled under his scrutiny. She couldn't blame her addiction on circumstances anymore—she had to face the truth about Robert's abuse, her mother's abandonment, and her own choices that had led to this moment. Halfway through the program, Annie called Lexie in crisis, begging to leave. The scar from her C-section still ached, she claimed. The other residents didn't like her. Luke was too harsh, the work too painful. She needed to be with Daisy, not trapped in this place that felt like another prison. The familiar pattern of self-sabotage was asserting itself, threatening to destroy her last chance at redemption. But this time, something was different. When Lexie refused to enable her escape, when Luke confronted her with brutal honesty about her patterns, Annie faced a choice that would define everything: run again, or finally stand and fight the demons that had claimed her soul. The morning she walked away from Serenity Springs, the sun rose blood-red over Alabama hills. She had made it through detox, through the worst of physical withdrawal, but the psychological demons remained as hungry as ever.

Chapter 7: Rising from Ashes: Building Family from Broken Pieces

The police officer who brought Annie's journal to Lexie's door spoke in careful tones of someone delivering both gift and curse. Annie's death had been ruled accidental—a miscalculation by someone whose tolerance had been reset by weeks of sobriety. But the leather-bound book held truths more devastating than any coroner's report. Lexie read through the night, Sam's steady presence beside her the only thing keeping her anchored as Annie's story unfolded. The words painted a picture of systematic abuse, of a young girl broken by the very man who was supposed to protect her. The final entry was a letter—Annie's last attempt to explain herself, to leave something beautiful in a world she had filled with pain. "I'm going to turn myself in," the letter promised. "I'm going to try to be the mother she deserves." But the needle had called louder than hope, and Annie's final act had been one more surrender to the demons that had claimed her so long ago. Months passed like seasons of grief. Lexie resigned from her medical practice to focus on Daisy, whose bright eyes and infectious laughter gradually filled the spaces Annie's absence had carved in their lives. Sam proved himself a devoted father, reading bedtime stories to a baby who couldn't yet understand words but responded to the love in his voice. Their mother, Deborah, arrived unexpectedly one day, having finally found courage to defy Robert and leave the community that had sheltered her for so long. She threw herself into caring for Daisy with fierce devotion, as if loving her granddaughter could somehow atone for failing her daughters. The adoption papers were signed on a Tuesday morning in spring, making official what had already become true in their hearts.

Summary

The story of Annie and Lexie Vidler reveals the unbreakable bonds between sisters and the price of love in a broken world. Annie's journey from promising young writer to desperate addict illustrates how childhood trauma echoes through generations, while Lexie's unwavering devotion shows both the power and limitations of trying to save someone who must ultimately save herself. Baby Daisy becomes the catalyst for change that nothing else could be—not interventions, not legal threats, not rock bottom itself. In the end, some bonds are forged in joy, others in sorrow. The strongest are tempered by both, shaped by loss into something that can bear any weight. Family is not about blood or biology—it is about the choice to love, to stay, to build something beautiful from the wreckage of what came before. Daisy would grow up knowing her mother's story in all its complexity, understanding that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing, and that sometimes the people we love most are also the most broken. The past cannot be rewritten, but the future stretches ahead like uncharted country, filled with the harder-won faith of those who have walked through fire and chosen to keep walking.

Best Quote

“It’s funny how every single thing in your life can shatter with a single decision; and not a decision I had any control over. Everything is suddenly broken, and there is nothing I can do to fix it.” ― Kelly Rimmer, Before I Let You Go

Review Summary

Strengths: The review highlights the novel's emotional depth and its ability to provoke thought and introspection about addiction and its impact on families. The unique focus on drug addiction during pregnancy is noted as particularly compelling. The dual perspective of the sisters adds depth to the narrative, and the book is praised for its engaging storytelling and insightful exploration of addiction's complexities. The author, Kelly Rimmer, is commended for her sympathetic portrayal of both addicts and their families. Overall: The reader expresses a highly positive sentiment, awarding the book 5 stars and recommending it for its emotional impact and thought-provoking content. The novel is described as a deeply affecting and eye-opening journey, suitable for readers interested in a nuanced exploration of addiction.

About Author

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Kelly Rimmer Avatar

Kelly Rimmer

Rimmer explores the intricacies of human emotion and resilience by intertwining personal stories with historical events, notably those surrounding World War II. Her novels, such as "The Warsaw Orphan", delve into the complexities of family dynamics and secrets, highlighting the personal struggles faced during large-scale tragedies. By drawing inspiration from real-life figures like Irena Sendler, who saved thousands of Jewish children during the Holocaust, Rimmer illustrates her fascination with heroic and lesser-known historical narratives. Her work is characterized by deeply researched settings and complex character development, providing readers with an immersive experience that transports them to different worlds and eras.\n\nIn crafting her stories, Rimmer employs a methodical approach honed through years of critical reading and writing practice. This dedication to her craft has resulted in her books being translated into dozens of languages and appearing on bestseller lists such as the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today. Her storytelling is both immersive and emotionally compelling, appealing to readers who seek narratives rich in historical context and personal growth. Books like "The Things We Cannot Say" and "Before I Let You Go" showcase her ability to navigate themes of trauma and healing, resonating with audiences worldwide.\n\nReaders benefit from Rimmer's work as her books offer a profound exploration of memory, history, and the human spirit. Her unique blend of historical and contemporary fiction invites audiences to engage deeply with the past while reflecting on its impact on present and future generations. The success of titles like "The Secret Daughter" and "Truths I Never Told You" underscores her status as a distinguished author, capable of weaving emotionally resonant stories that captivate and inspire. With over three million books sold globally, her influence continues to grow, solidifying her place in the literary world.

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