Quick Confidence

Quick Confidence Plot Summary

Introduction

Have you ever caught yourself shrinking to fit in? Saying yes when you meant no? Or talked yourself out of pursuing a dream because that inner voice whispered you weren't ready? You're not alone. In today's world, our confidence often seems tied to external validation - a promotion, praise from a boss, or social media likes. But true confidence comes from something deeper - it's about honoring your authentic self regardless of circumstances. Confidence isn't the absence of fear or uncertainty. Rather, it's the ability to move forward despite these feelings. It's recognizing that you are enough exactly as you are while still growing into who you want to become. Throughout these pages, you'll discover practical tools to stop overthinking, set meaningful boundaries, and make those bold bets on yourself that transform not just how others see you, but how you see yourself. The journey to unleashing your inner confidence starts with small, daily choices that compound over time - and the first step begins right now.

Chapter 1: Embrace Your Authentic Self Without Apology

Authenticity forms the bedrock of true confidence. When we present ourselves genuinely to the world, we no longer waste energy maintaining a facade or trying to fit others' expectations. This congruence between our inner selves and outer expression creates a powerful foundation for confidence that persists regardless of external circumstances. Selena Rezvani shares her own journey with authenticity through her experience as a woman of color in professional settings. Growing up in a culturally blended home with a Pakistani father and Caucasian American mother, she never felt like she fully belonged in either community. This feeling followed her into her career, where she found herself in corporate boardrooms advising executives who looked nothing like her. She describes how she would make herself smaller, muting her personality and style to blend in: "I got very good at giving people the watered-down, diet Sprite version of me. Sitting in the outside rim of chairs. Mimicking other people's style. Downplaying my own. Everything about me was muted." The turning point came when Rezvani realized that by diminishing herself, she wasn't making an impact. As she puts it, "If your presence doesn't make an impact, then your absence won't make a difference." This powerful insight led her to stop pretending and start bringing her full, technicolor self to her work. The result wasn't rejection as she had feared, but greater connection and effectiveness in her professional life. Embracing your authentic self begins with the recognition that you don't need permission from others to be confident. Rezvani encourages readers to give themselves a "mental permission slip" that they can be confident in any situation. For those raised to defer to authority, this can be especially challenging but also particularly liberating. This self-authorization allows you to show up fully, rather than presenting a diluted version of yourself. The transformation comes through daily practice of authenticity. Start by noticing when you're tempted to shrink yourself or change your opinions to please others. Pay attention to your body language - are you making yourself physically smaller? Are you apologizing unnecessarily or qualifying your statements? Then consciously choose to take up space, both physically and verbally. Speak with conviction rather than seeking constant approval. Remember that embracing your authentic self isn't just about self-expression - it's also about creating spaces where others can do the same. True confidence extends beyond yourself to lifting others up. When you're secure in your own worth, you can more easily recognize and celebrate the unique value others bring.

Chapter 2: Make Powerful First Impressions That Last

First impressions can feel like high-stakes moments that define relationships before they've even begun. Whether it's a job interview, networking event, or meeting a potential client, these initial interactions often carry outsized weight in our minds. But making powerful first impressions isn't about performing perfection - it's about presenting your authentic self confidently and connecting genuinely with others. Rezvani relates a personal story that illustrates how overthinking can undermine our ability to make strong first impressions. When pitching a big leadership project to a CEO, she was so focused on demonstrating her expertise that she overwhelmed him with information, bringing 64 slides and barely leaving space for conversation. She watched as he physically pulled away from the table, disengaging from her monologue. Looking back, she realized she had been so caught up in proving her worth that she forgot to connect as a human being first. The lesson she learned transformed her approach to first meetings. Rather than trying to impress with an exhaustive display of knowledge, she discovered that connection precedes competence. Research by Dr. Amy Cuddy at Harvard University confirms this insight - employees prefer leaders who demonstrate warmth first and competence second. When we establish connection before showcasing our abilities, people become more receptive to hearing what we have to offer. To create powerful first impressions, start by focusing on warmth signals. Make steady eye contact 60-70% of the time, offer a genuine smile, and lean slightly forward to show engagement. Verbally, ask follow-up questions that demonstrate interest in the other person, express empathy, and begin with positive statements rather than complaints. These simple behaviors signal to others that you're approachable and trustworthy. Beyond warmth, confident body language speaks volumes before you say a word. Rezvani suggests adopting what she calls "Halloween confidence" - recalling how wearing a favorite costume as a child made you feel powerful and embodied. Similarly, adults can create "power outfits" that make them feel their best. When you feel authentically confident in your appearance, that confidence translates to your interactions. Remember that making a strong impression doesn't mean being perfect or memorizing a script. It's about being prepared yet present, bringing your attention fully to the interaction rather than worrying about how you're being perceived. As Rezvani says, "The best way to be interesting is to be interested." By focusing outward on making others feel comfortable and heard, you paradoxically create a more favorable impression of yourself.

Chapter 3: Set Boundaries and Release Overthinking

Boundaries are the guardrails that protect your energy, time, and peace of mind. They communicate to others and yourself what you value and how you expect to be treated. Without clear boundaries, we often fall into patterns of overdoing, overthinking, and overexplaining that drain our confidence and diminish our impact. Rezvani shares a revealing story about her own struggles with boundary-setting. As a self-described "recovering good girl," she found the word "yes" tumbling out of her mouth in response to all kinds of requests before she could even think them through. In one particularly telling incident, she agreed to work during a romantic getaway with her husband. This pattern of overcommitting not only exhausted her but also stoked resentment and slowed her company's growth by at least 50% because it stole her focus from what truly mattered. The turning point came when Rezvani realized that saying yes indiscriminately was giving away her power. By learning to set clear limits, she could deploy her energy with greater intention and impact. She discovered that "just enoughness" - contributing value while maintaining dignity - allowed her to embrace who she was and express herself with confidence. Implementing healthy boundaries starts with recognizing the signs of overdoing. Are you constantly explaining your decisions? Do you apologize when making reasonable requests? Do you ruminate on past interactions, replaying them repeatedly in your mind? These are indicators that your boundaries need strengthening. To release overthinking, Rezvani recommends physical interventions that break the mental loop. The stop-clap technique involves visualizing a red stop sign and clapping your hands to interrupt negative thought patterns. Box breathing (exhaling to a count of four, holding empty lungs for four, inhaling for four, holding full lungs for four) returns breathing to a normal rhythm and shifts focus from racing thoughts to bodily sensations. For setting clearer boundaries, identify one limit that's causing you discomfort - perhaps regularly working late or saying yes to unreasonable deadlines. Write it down along with an action to honor that boundary. Then communicate it clearly without overexplaining. Instead of saying "I'm sorry to bother you," try "When you have a moment, I'd like X." Rather than "I hope that's OK," say "Thanks for considering it." Remember that boundaries aren't selfish - they're necessary for sustainable success and authentic relationships. As Rezvani puts it, "Every good thing, including rest, does not need to be earned." By respecting your own limits, you teach others how to treat you and create space for your confidence to flourish.

Chapter 4: Navigate High-Stakes Moments with Poise

High-stakes moments - whether delivering a presentation, interviewing for a dream job, or pitching an innovative idea - can trigger our fight, flight, or freeze response. Our hearts race, our minds blank, and our confidence wavers precisely when we need it most. Yet these pivotal moments also offer the greatest opportunities for growth and advancement when we learn to navigate them with poise. Rezvani describes her experience preparing for a TEDx talk as "a three-month-long fever dream." She had applied to multiple events around the world, driven by her determination to share practical ideas for stopping gender bias at work. When invited to speak at TEDxHartford, she faced what she calls "one of those 'put on your big girl pants' moments." The preparation was intense - months of practicing with dog-eared index cards until she could deliver the 18-minute talk from memory. The talk was successful, but the story didn't end there. Months later, Rezvani received notice that she had won the Croly Journalism award for the reporting in her TEDx talk, along with a cash prize and the opportunity to give a speech to over 1,000 people in Austin. This chain reaction of opportunities stemmed from that initial brave action of pursuing the TEDx stage. What Rezvani learned from this experience was the power of embracing high-stakes moments rather than avoiding them. She notes that what often feels threatening is actually an opportunity in disguise. To navigate these moments successfully, she developed several practical strategies that anyone can apply. One powerful technique is color-coding your approach to performance situations. In the "green zone," you're open, receptive, and in flow. When you shift to the "yellow zone," you experience hesitation and discomfort. If not addressed, this can escalate to the "red zone" where conversation becomes stunted or shuts down completely. By recognizing which zone you're in, you can take specific actions to return to the green zone - like asking for clarification in the yellow zone or planting your feet firmly on the floor to ground yourself in the red zone. For thinking on your feet when caught off-guard, Rezvani recommends frameworks like "What-So What-Now What" or "Past-Present-Future" to organize your thoughts quickly. Start by pausing and breathing, then use these structures to deliver coherent responses even to unexpected questions. For instance, when using Past-Present-Future, begin with relevant context from the past, address what's most important right now, and close with next steps or future implications. Above all, remember that high-stakes moments require preparation but also presence. Visualizing success beforehand tricks your brain into thinking you've already succeeded, boosting your motivation and performance. But once in the moment, focus on connecting with your audience rather than on your own anxiety. As Rezvani discovered, each time you rise to these occasions, you build evidence of your capability that strengthens your confidence for future challenges.

Chapter 5: Rise Above Setbacks and Scale Your Confidence

Setbacks and failures are inevitable in any meaningful journey. What separates those who thrive from those who stagnate is not the absence of failure but how they respond to it. The ability to rise above disappointments, learn from them, and try again is perhaps the most powerful confidence-building skill you can develop. Rezvani shares a revealing story about nearly quitting her MBA program after just one week. Coming from a social work background, she felt completely out of place among business students who seemed to read financial statements "for fun." She had written her resignation email, convinced she wasn't a good fit. "Cut your losses," she told herself. "You don't really fit. Just quit and be done with it." What she recognizes now is that "fit" wasn't the problem - intimidation was. Her fear of embarrassment and failure was so overwhelming that it nearly eclipsed her dream of earning the degree. Instead of sending that email, Rezvani decided to give the program just one more week. Then another. She kept giving it "one more week" until, two years later, she not only graduated but did so with a 4.0 GPA, a scholarship award, and the honor of being appointed Student Marshall to lead the commencement procession. Looking back, she realizes that "pushing through fear is how you gain confidence. You don't wait 'til there's no trepidation to act!" This insight forms the foundation of Rezvani's approach to overcoming setbacks. When faced with rejection or failure, she encourages a mindset shift from victim to creator. Rather than saying, "I failed my accounting course because she's a terrible instructor," try, "I wasn't well prepared for the test. Here's how I'll study differently next time." This change in perspective puts you back in control and opens pathways to improvement. For tangibly releasing the emotional weight of failure, Rezvani suggests physical exercises like exhaling your rejection (imagining it leaving your body with each breath), doing something you know you can do well right afterward, or creating a "smile file" of accomplishments and positive memories to revisit when confidence wavers. These practices help interrupt the neural pathways that expect more failure and redirect your energy toward growth. Perhaps most powerfully, Rezvani advocates for "failing forward" - seeing rejection not as the final word but as a step in your ongoing story. She shares the example of a workshop participant who volunteered to lead a data-intensive project and made several errors. Rather than avoiding similar projects in the future, this woman raised her hand the very next time such an opportunity arose. With her newfound knowledge of what to avoid, she excelled, prompting her executive sponsor to exclaim she had "knocked it out of the park." As this woman concluded her story, she offered this wisdom: "So often, you get to write the end of the story."

Chapter 6: Create Belonging Wherever You Go

Belonging is a fundamental human need that transcends culture, age, and circumstance. When we feel we belong, we're more likely to contribute our ideas, take reasonable risks, and bring our full selves to any situation. Yet for many, particularly those from underrepresented groups, belonging can feel elusive - something granted by others rather than created from within. Rezvani's personal journey with belonging began early in life. As someone of mixed heritage - half Pakistani on her father's side and Caucasian American on her mother's - she never felt like a "full, card-carrying member" of either community. Growing up in a predominantly white area, she was acutely aware of how her family differed in appearance, language, and customs. As a child taking standardized tests, she remembers checking "OTHER" on the race/ethnicity section, a small act that reinforced her feeling of being an outsider. This sense of not quite fitting in followed her into her professional life. As a young management consultant advising executives in boardrooms, she couldn't help noticing how different she looked from the leaders she was advising. The impact was significant: "I stopped offering my best ideas. I stopped making good guesses. I stopped wearing the bright clothes I love. I stopped being me." In her words, she had "relegated myself to the 'kids' table.'" The transformation in Rezvani's relationship with belonging came when she realized she had been waiting for permission to belong instead of authorizing herself. She began to understand that "self-belonging" - the conviction that you have a right to be exactly where you are - precedes external validation. This insight led her to start a business focused on leadership, inclusion, and belonging, where she could help others navigate similar challenges. Creating belonging begins with what Rezvani calls "stoke self-belonging in any situation." When faced with self-doubt, she recommends naming your critical inner voice and having a conversation with it. For instance, Rezvani's critical voice, whom she named "Marjory," was trying to protect her from humiliation - a valid concern, but one that was ultimately holding her back. By acknowledging this voice without surrendering to it, you can move forward with greater self-assurance. Another powerful practice is to be conspicuously yourself rather than shrinking to fit in. Just as animals in the wild make themselves appear larger to signal strength, humans can adopt expansive postures and gestures to communicate confidence. When seated, fully envelop your chair rather than perching on the edge; maintain an open torso rather than protecting it with crossed arms; use an easily audible voice rather than "low talking." These physical choices signal to yourself and others that you belong exactly where you are. Remember that creating belonging isn't just about finding your own place - it's also about making space for others. Rezvani encourages becoming an ally to newcomers, including others in decisions that affect them, and giving people permission to be human with their vulnerabilities and struggles. In this way, confidence becomes not just personal but communal, creating environments where everyone can thrive.

Summary

Throughout this journey into confidence, we've explored the transformative power of authenticity, boundary-setting, resilience, and self-belonging. The core message resonates in Rezvani's powerful insight: "If your presence doesn't make an impact, then your absence won't make a difference." True confidence isn't about perfection or performing for others - it's about honoring your worth and showing up fully in every situation, regardless of outcome. Your path to unleashing inner confidence starts with one small step today. Choose a single technique from these pages - perhaps practicing the stop-clap method when overthinking takes hold, setting one clear boundary this week, or adopting the mantra "I 400% belong here" before your next meeting. Remember that confidence builds through daily practice, not overnight transformation. Each time you choose authenticity over approval-seeking, decisive action over overthinking, or resilience over retreat, you strengthen the muscle of self-belief. Your confidence journey isn't about becoming someone new - it's about removing the barriers to who you've always been.

About Author

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Selena Rezvani

Named by Forbes “the premier expert on standing up for yourself at work,” Selena Rezvani is the author of the new book Quick Confidence, which is based off a viral newsletter she started in 2020. Selena also wrote the bestseller Pushback and The Next Generation of Women Leaders. Selena addresses thousands of professionals each year and has been featured in TEDx, Harvard Business Review, Inc., Todayshow.com, and NPR. Today she’s a columnist for NBC News Know Your Value. Selena is based in Philadelphia where she lives with her husband Geoff and 10 year old boy-girl twins.

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