Shift

Shift Plot Summary

Introduction

We often think of emotions as waves that wash over us—beyond our control, dictating how we respond to life's circumstances. Yet what if we could develop mastery over our emotional experiences? What if we could learn to dial down feelings of anxiety before an important presentation or amplify our joy during life's fleeting positive moments? The science of emotion regulation explores precisely this territory, investigating the mechanisms through which humans can actively influence which emotions they experience, when they experience them, and how they express them. The framework presented here addresses the fundamental questions that shape our emotional lives: Why do some people seem resilient in the face of extraordinary challenges while others struggle with minor setbacks? What internal and external tools can we access to shift our emotional states? How can we learn to harness both positive and negative emotions to serve us rather than control us? By understanding the complex interplay between our sensory experiences, attention, perspective, environments, relationships, and cultural contexts, we gain access to a comprehensive system for emotional mastery—not to eliminate emotions, but to respond to them with intention and purpose rather than being held captive by their automatic influence.

Chapter 1: Understanding Your Emotional Operating System

Emotions are not simply feelings that happen to us—they represent a sophisticated operating system that evolved to help us navigate life's challenges and opportunities. This emotional operating system consists of interconnected components: physiological responses (like increased heart rate), cognitive appraisals (how we interpret situations), and behavioral reactions (facial expressions or actions). The system serves crucial survival functions by helping us respond appropriately to threats, opportunities, and social interactions. What many don't realize is that all emotions—even those we typically label as "negative"—serve adaptive purposes. Anxiety sharpens our attention to potential dangers. Anger mobilizes resources to overcome obstacles. Sadness signals the need for reflection and support. The problem arises not from experiencing these emotions but from their inappropriate intensity, duration, or context. When fear persists long after a threat has passed or sadness deepens into immobilizing depression, our evolutionary allies become modern liabilities. Research demonstrates that our ability to regulate emotions predicts significant life outcomes. The landmark Dunedin study followed participants for decades, revealing that childhood emotional regulation skills forecasted everything from financial stability to physical health to relationship quality—even beyond factors like intelligence or socioeconomic status. The study also revealed something crucial: emotional regulation abilities aren't fixed at birth but remain malleable throughout life. This operating system can be understood as an instrument—like a violin—that we can learn to play with increasing sophistication. Some people intuitively develop mastery, while others struggle with basic emotional control. The difference often lies not in the intensity of emotions experienced but in the ability to respond to them effectively. Consider professional athletes or emergency responders who perform brilliantly under pressure—they don't feel less fear, but they've learned to manage it differently. Understanding your emotional operating system requires recognizing both its automatic nature and your capacity to intervene. While you can't control the initial trigger that sparks an emotion, you can influence its trajectory once activated. This distinction helps explain why believing in your ability to regulate emotions (what psychologists call emotional self-efficacy) is crucial—those who believe they can manage their emotions are more likely to attempt regulation strategies and persist when those strategies don't immediately work. Research increasingly shows that emotional intelligence isn't about suppressing emotions but about developing flexibility—knowing when to amplify emotions, when to dampen them, and how to transition between emotional states with agility. The first step toward mastery is understanding this complex system and recognizing that you already possess the neural machinery necessary to shift your emotional states.

Chapter 2: Sensory Shifters: How Physical Experiences Change Emotions

Sensory shifters represent one of our most primitive and effortless tools for emotional regulation. These are physical sensations—what we see, hear, smell, taste, and touch—that can rapidly and automatically alter our emotional states. Unlike more cognitively demanding regulation strategies, sensory shifters operate through ancient neural pathways that connect our sensory cortex directly to emotional processing centers in the brain, making them uniquely powerful for quick emotional shifts. The sensory-emotion connection works because these pathways evolved long before our capacity for complex thought. When you hear a favorite song and immediately feel uplifted, or when the scent of a loved one's clothing provides comfort during their absence, you're experiencing these primal connections. Research shows these sensory-emotion links form rapidly and can last a lifetime—the smell of cookies baking might forever trigger feelings of safety and contentment if those associations formed during childhood. Each sensory channel offers unique regulatory potential. Auditory shifters like music can rapidly change emotional states; studies show that listening to upbeat music increases positive mood within seconds. Visual shifters include looking at nature scenes, which reduces stress and improves attention. Tactile sensations like petting animals or receiving hugs release oxytocin and reduce cortisol levels. Taste provides immediate pleasure through foods that activate reward centers in the brain. Olfactory experiences trigger the most direct path to emotional memory, explaining why scents can instantly transport us emotionally. These sensory shifters are particularly valuable because they follow the "law of least work"—our tendency to choose the path requiring minimal effort. When experiencing intense emotions, cognitively demanding regulation strategies often fail because we lack the mental resources to implement them. Sensory shifters bypass this problem by requiring minimal cognitive effort. They operate effectively even when we're stressed, tired, or emotionally overwhelmed—precisely when we most need emotional regulation. The challenge with sensory shifters isn't their effectiveness but our awareness of them. Despite using sensory experiences to regulate emotions throughout our lives, we rarely do so deliberately or strategically. We might unconsciously turn up music when feeling low or crave certain foods when stressed, but we seldom approach these behaviors as intentional regulation strategies. By identifying which sensory experiences most powerfully shift your emotions, you can create a personalized "sensory prescription" to deploy when needed. The most effective approach combines multiple sensory channels simultaneously, creating what researchers call "sensory bundles." Activities like cooking, gardening, or walking in nature engage multiple senses at once, creating a more powerful regulatory effect than single-sensory experiences. These sensory shifters don't require special training or equipment—they're already available in your everyday environment, waiting to be harnessed deliberately rather than encountered accidentally.

Chapter 3: Attention Shifters: Approaching vs Avoiding Emotional Triggers

Attention acts as a spotlight that determines what information enters our awareness, making it a powerful tool for emotional regulation. We can deliberately direct this spotlight toward or away from emotional triggers, creating two fundamental attention-shifting strategies: approach and avoidance. Approach strategies involve deliberately focusing on emotional experiences to process them, while avoidance strategies involve diverting attention away from emotional triggers to prevent or reduce emotional reactions. The conventional wisdom in psychology has long suggested that approaching emotional experiences is inherently healthier than avoiding them—what might be called the "myth of universal approach." This belief stems from research showing that chronic avoidance correlates with anxiety, depression, and poor psychological outcomes. However, newer research reveals a more nuanced picture: avoidance can sometimes be adaptive, particularly when used flexibly and strategically rather than as a rigid coping mechanism. Researcher George Bonanno's groundbreaking work following the 9/11 attacks in New York City demonstrated that resilience doesn't come from consistently approaching or avoiding emotions, but from the ability to flexibly toggle between these strategies based on context. Participants who could skillfully express emotion when appropriate and suppress emotion when necessary showed better long-term psychological outcomes than those who relied exclusively on either approach or avoidance. This flexibility manifests in everyday scenarios. When a professional athlete receives harsh criticism before a crucial game, temporarily avoiding rumination might be necessary for performance. Conversely, when processing a significant loss, setting aside time to approach grief deliberately can facilitate healing. The key distinction isn't which strategy you use but whether you're applying it flexibly based on the situation's demands and your available resources. Warning signs help determine when your current attention strategy isn't working. For approach strategies, getting stuck in repetitive negative thought loops (rumination) without gaining insight indicates ineffective processing. For avoidance, if unwanted thoughts keep intruding despite attempts to divert attention, or if you find yourself relying on substances or compulsive behaviors to avoid feelings, these suggest unhealthy patterns. In either case, switching strategies may be beneficial. The most effective attention regulation combines both approaches in a balanced way. You might set aside specific times to process difficult emotions while allowing yourself periods of healthy distraction when rumination becomes unproductive. This balanced approach recognizes that our psychological immune system—like our physical immune system—needs both activation and rest to function optimally. Attention shifting thus becomes not about eliminating emotional experiences but about engaging with them in ways that promote processing without overwhelming our capacity for emotional regulation.

Chapter 4: Perspective Shifters: Reframing Your Emotional Experiences

Perspective shifting represents perhaps the most uniquely human form of emotional regulation—our ability to reinterpret the meaning of emotional situations. When we can't look away from emotionally challenging circumstances, perspective shifters allow us to change how we think about them, altering their emotional impact. This cognitive reframing operates through neural pathways in the prefrontal cortex that enable us to reinterpret events, essentially applying different "filters" to the same situation. The fundamental principle behind perspective shifting is captured by the simple ABC formula: Adverse event → Belief → Consequence. While we often can't control adverse events that trigger emotions, we can change our beliefs about them, which transforms the emotional consequences. For example, interpreting a job rejection as evidence of personal inadequacy produces different emotions than viewing it as an opportunity to find a better fit. This reframing doesn't eliminate the initial disappointment but changes its intensity and duration. Despite its effectiveness, perspective shifting presents a paradox: it's most difficult precisely when we need it most. Under stress, the prefrontal cortex regions responsible for cognitive reframing show diminished functioning—essentially, when our emotions are most intense, our capacity for reinterpretation is most impaired. This explains why people often struggle to reframe situations in the heat of the moment, despite intellectually knowing they should "look on the bright side" or "see the bigger picture." Research offers solutions to this paradox through linguistic distancing techniques. Speaking to yourself using second-person pronouns ("you") or your own name instead of first-person pronouns ("I") creates psychological distance that makes reframing easier. Studies show this simple linguistic shift activates different neural networks, allowing people to process emotional events more objectively. Professional athletes like Novak Djokovic explicitly use this technique, talking to themselves in the third person during high-pressure moments to maintain perspective. Another powerful perspective shifter involves mental time travel—projecting yourself forward to imagine how you'll feel about current struggles in the future. Research shows that asking "How will I feel about this in one month?" or "What will this mean to me in five years?" reduces emotional intensity by highlighting the temporary nature of most emotional experiences. This temporal distancing works because it activates broader, more abstract thinking patterns rather than focusing on immediate details that amplify emotions. These perspective-shifting techniques aren't about denying negative emotions or adopting toxic positivity. Instead, they help us contextualize emotional experiences within the broader narrative of our lives. Even in cases of profound loss or trauma, perspective shifting doesn't eliminate grief but can help integrate difficult experiences into a meaningful life story. As psychiatrist Viktor Frankl observed from his experience in concentration camps, our ultimate freedom lies in choosing our attitude toward circumstances, even when we cannot change those circumstances themselves.

Chapter 5: Environmental Shifters: How Spaces Impact Your Emotions

Our physical environments constantly influence our emotional states, often outside our awareness. These environmental forces shape emotions through two pathways: indirectly by establishing the broader parameters of our daily lives and directly through immediate sensory experiences. Understanding these environmental influences reveals powerful opportunities for emotional regulation through modifying our surroundings. The indirect effects of environment operate through cultural and geographical forces that shape emotional patterns across generations. Research by Thomas Talhelm documented how northern and southern Chinese regions developed distinctly different emotional cultures based on whether their agricultural tradition centered on wheat (promoting independence) or rice (requiring interdependence). These environmental influences become embedded in cultural practices that persist for centuries, demonstrating how landscapes literally shape emotional landscapes over time. More immediately, physical spaces trigger emotional responses through sensory channels—the lighting, temperature, sounds, smells, and textures we encounter. Hospitals feel different from gardens, corporate offices different from cafés, because these environments activate different emotional networks through their sensory properties. Researchers find that even brief exposure to natural environments reduces stress hormones and improves emotional regulation capacity, while cluttered or chaotic spaces increase cognitive load and emotional reactivity. We have two primary strategies for leveraging spaces as emotional shifters: switching spaces and modifying spaces. Switching spaces involves identifying locations that consistently produce desired emotional states—what researchers call "place attachment"—and deliberately seeking those environments during emotional regulation challenges. These might be grand locations like beaches or mountains, or more accessible spaces like a favorite corner of your home or a nearby park bench. Modifying spaces represents the second environmental shifting strategy, whereby we change elements of our existing environment to support emotional regulation. Research on "situation modification" demonstrates that removing temptations and distractions from our environment significantly improves self-regulation capacity. This might mean creating dedicated spaces for relaxation, rearranging furniture to facilitate social interaction, or removing emotional triggers from view. Even simple modifications like adding plants, photos of loved ones, or organizing cluttered spaces can shift emotional states. The power of environmental shifting extends beyond mere mood enhancement to influence fundamental aspects of emotional functioning. Studies show that people make different decisions, interact differently with others, and access different emotional memories depending on their physical surroundings. By becoming more conscious of these environmental influences, we can transform our spaces from passive backgrounds into active participants in our emotional regulation—designing environments that support the emotional states we wish to cultivate rather than accidentally triggering states we hope to avoid.

Chapter 6: Relationship Shifters: Using Social Connections to Regulate Emotions

Human beings are fundamentally social creatures, and our relationships represent perhaps the most powerful external force shaping our emotional lives. Relationship shifters operate through three primary mechanisms: emotional contagion, co-regulation, and social comparison. Understanding these processes reveals how relationships can either amplify emotional struggles or provide powerful resources for emotional regulation. Emotional contagion—the unconscious tendency to "catch" others' emotions—operates through rapid mimicry of facial expressions, vocal tones, and body language. When someone smiles at us, we automatically smile back; when they speak excitedly, our own speech patterns quicken. These subtle mimicry processes trigger corresponding physiological changes, essentially reproducing others' emotional states within ourselves. Research shows emotional contagion operates in physical and digital environments, explaining how moods spread through social media just as they do through in-person interactions. Co-regulation represents a more deliberate relationship shifting process whereby we intentionally engage others to help regulate our emotions. When we're struggling with difficult feelings, conversations with others can either amplify negative emotions (through co-rumination) or facilitate regulation (through validation plus perspective-broadening). Effective emotional supporters balance two key elements: they validate emotions first, creating psychological safety, then help shift perspective by offering alternative interpretations or broadening attention beyond immediate concerns. Social comparison—how we evaluate ourselves against others—provides another powerful relationship shifting mechanism. While often portrayed negatively, strategic social comparisons can effectively regulate emotions. Comparing ourselves to those facing greater challenges can generate gratitude and perspective; comparing ourselves to successful models in specific domains can inspire motivation and hope. The emotional impact depends not on whether we compare but on how we interpret those comparisons. Relationships also shift emotions through prosocial behavior—actions that benefit others. Research shows that spending money on others produces greater happiness than spending on ourselves, even among individuals with limited resources. Similarly, volunteering and providing social support generate positive emotions that persist longer than those gained through self-focused activities. These prosocial behaviors activate neural reward circuits, suggesting evolution has wired us to find emotional satisfaction in helping others. The challenge with relationship shifters lies in their double-edged nature—the same mechanisms that can heal emotional wounds can also deepen them. Emotional contagion means negative spirals spread through relationships just like positive ones. Co-regulation can devolve into mutual rumination that amplifies negativity. Social comparisons can trigger envy rather than inspiration. Mastering relationship shifters requires becoming strategic about which emotional influences we absorb from our social environments and which we resist or transform. Effective use of relationship shifters involves curating our social circles deliberately, identifying which relationships provide which types of emotional support, and communicating our needs clearly. Rather than expecting any single relationship to meet all emotional regulation needs, we might develop a diverse "emotional advisory board" with different members playing different roles in our regulation ecosystem—some providing comfort, others challenging perspective, still others offering distraction when needed.

Chapter 7: Cultural Shifters: How Collective Practices Shape Our Feelings

Culture represents the broadest layer of external influence on our emotions—the air we breathe emotionally. These cultural shifters operate through three interconnected components: beliefs and values (what the culture prioritizes), norms (spoken and unspoken rules), and practices (behaviors that reinforce cultural values). Together, these elements create a powerful "master switch" that shapes how we interpret, experience, and regulate emotions. Cultural beliefs about emotions vary dramatically across societies. In collectivist cultures like Japan, emotional restraint is valued because it maintains social harmony, while individualistic cultures like the United States often emphasize emotional expression as authentic and healthy. These cultural beliefs about which emotions are appropriate, when they should be expressed, and how they should be regulated become internalized, shaping our emotional experiences often outside conscious awareness. Norms reinforce these cultural beliefs by establishing expectations for emotional behavior. For example, Americans typically expect excitement at positive events, while Chinese cultures more often value calm appreciation. These norms are transmitted through social feedback—approval when emotions match cultural expectations and subtle correction when they don't. Research shows that people experience more intense negative emotions when violating cultural emotional norms, creating a powerful incentive for cultural conformity in emotional expression. Cultural practices provide concrete techniques for emotional regulation, ranging from rituals and ceremonies to meditation practices and communication styles. Alcoholics Anonymous exemplifies a culture with particularly effective emotional regulation practices, including sponsor relationships, personal inventories, and group reinforcement of emotional control. Religious traditions similarly offer powerful emotional regulation tools through structured practices like prayer, fasting, and communal worship that have been refined over centuries. The power of cultural shifters emerges from their comprehensive nature—they simultaneously activate internal shifters (sensory, attention, and perspective) while providing external structure through relationships and environments. When facing emotional challenges, people immersed in supportive cultural frameworks can draw on collective wisdom rather than relying solely on individual resources. This explains why participation in cultural traditions—from religious services to team sports to recovery communities—correlates with improved emotional well-being. Understanding cultural shifters offers two strategic advantages for emotional regulation. First, we can intentionally lean into cultural practices that support emotional goals, even borrowing from traditions outside our own cultural background. Second, we can examine how cultural influences might be undermining emotional regulation, particularly when cultural messages conflict with psychological needs. By recognizing culture as a constructed system rather than an immutable reality, we gain the freedom to adopt cultural elements that support our emotional well-being while modifying or rejecting those that don't. For leaders and change agents, understanding cultural shifters provides tools for transforming emotional environments. Organizations, communities, and families can deliberately reshape emotional cultures by clarifying values, establishing new norms, and implementing practices that support desired emotional states. This cultural engineering approach recognizes that sustainable emotional regulation requires supportive social systems, not just individual effort.

Chapter 8: From Knowing to Doing: Making Emotional Shifting Automatic

Understanding emotional shifters represents only half the challenge—the greater difficulty lies in implementing these tools when we need them most. The gap between knowing about emotional regulation strategies and actually using them during emotional distress represents one of the most significant obstacles to emotional mastery. Bridging this gap requires making shifting strategies automatic rather than effortful through advance planning and practice. The WOOP framework (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan) provides a scientifically validated method for converting emotional regulation knowledge into action. This approach begins with clearly identifying what emotional state you wish to achieve and the positive outcomes that would result. Crucially, it then requires identifying the specific obstacles—both external and internal—that might prevent success. Finally, it creates concrete implementation intentions in the form of "if-then" plans: "If obstacle X occurs, then I will respond with strategy Y." This planning approach works because it converts deliberate strategies into automatic responses. Research shows that people who create specific if-then plans are significantly more likely to implement emotional regulation strategies during stressful situations than those who merely intend to regulate their emotions. The specific conditional structure creates mental links between triggering situations and regulatory responses, making implementation more automatic when emotions are high and cognitive resources are limited. Implementation intentions are particularly effective because they leverage the "law of least effort"—our tendency to choose paths requiring minimal cognitive exertion. When emotions are intense, complex regulation strategies require significant mental resources that may be unavailable. If-then plans reduce this cognitive burden by establishing predetermined responses to emotional triggers, eliminating the need to deliberate about regulation strategies in the moment. Research demonstrates the broad applicability of this approach across diverse contexts. Studies with children, adolescents, and adults show that WOOP-style planning improves emotional regulation in academic settings, health behaviors, interpersonal conflicts, and clinical populations experiencing depression. The effect persists over time, with some studies showing benefits years after brief interventions teaching this planning approach. The key insight behind successful implementation is recognizing that emotional regulation isn't about finding a single perfect strategy but developing a personalized toolbox of shifting techniques. Different emotional challenges require different tools, and what works in one context may fail in another. By systematically experimenting with various shifters—sensory, attention, perspective, environmental, relationship, and cultural—we can identify which tools work best for our unique emotional patterns and prepare to deploy them automatically when needed. Making emotional shifting automatic doesn't mean eliminating emotions or creating rigid control. Instead, it means developing the flexibility to move between emotional states intentionally rather than being trapped in unwanted emotions. Like elite performers who practice responses to challenging scenarios before they occur, we can rehearse emotional transitions, creating neural pathways that make regulation increasingly effortless over time. This practice transforms emotional regulation from a conscious effort into a skilled intuition—an automatic capacity to navigate emotional terrain with increasing grace and effectiveness.

Summary

The science of emotion regulation reveals that our emotional states, while powerful, are not immutable forces that control us. Rather, they represent fluid experiences that can be shifted through multiple pathways—sensory experiences that bypass cognitive effort, attention deployment that directs our focus, perspective changes that reinterpret situations, environments that support regulation, relationships that co-regulate our emotions, and cultural practices that provide collective wisdom for emotional management. The master insight emerging from this framework is that emotional intelligence isn't about suppressing emotions but about developing the flexibility to move between emotional states with intention and skill. The implications of this understanding extend far beyond individual well-being. As we develop greater mastery over our emotional states, we become better equipped to navigate life's challenges, build meaningful relationships, and contribute positively to our communities. Organizations that support emotional regulation create more productive environments, families that teach these skills raise more resilient children, and societies that incorporate emotion regulation into education build stronger social fabric. By shifting from viewing emotions as uncontrollable forces to seeing them as valuable signals that can be skillfully regulated, we transform our relationship with our emotional lives—not eliminating the waves that wash over us, but learning to surf them with increasing grace and purpose.

About Author

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Ethan Kross

Ethan Kross, PhD, is one of the world's leading experts on controlling the conscious mind. An award-winning professor at the University of Michigan and the Ross School of Business, he is the director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. He has participated in policy discussion at the White House and has been interviewed on CBS Evening News, Good Morning America, and NPR's Morning Edition. His pioneering research has been featured in The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, The New England Journal of Medicine, and Science. He completed his BA at the University of Pennsylvania and his PhD at Columbia University.

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