The Practice of Groundedness

The Practice of Groundedness Plot Summary

Introduction

In today's hyperconnected world, many of us feel constantly pulled in different directions. We're bombarded with messages about optimization, productivity, and success—yet despite our best efforts, we often feel scattered, restless, and somehow never quite enough. The relentless pursuit of external achievement has left many feeling hollow, disconnected from what truly matters. This sense of ungroundedness manifests in various ways: the constant checking of phones, the inability to be present in conversations, the feeling that we're always behind, always rushing. But there is another way. By cultivating a practice of groundedness—a state of unwavering internal strength and self-confidence—we can develop the resilience to weather life's storms while creating more meaningful success. The principles shared in these pages offer a transformative path that doesn't require abandoning ambition, but rather reframing it in a way that nourishes rather than depletes us.

Chapter 1: Accept Your Reality to Move Forward

Acceptance is the foundation of groundedness. It means recognizing, accepting, and starting where you are—not where you want to be, not where you think you should be, and not where others think you should be. This isn't about resignation or giving up; it's about seeing your situation clearly so you can take wise action. Sarah True's story powerfully illustrates this principle. As an Olympic triathlete who finished fourth in the 2012 Games, she was determined to medal in 2016. The stakes were even higher because her husband, Ben True, a world-class runner, had missed qualifying for the Olympics by less than one second. When Sarah entered the 2016 Rio Olympics, she carried both their dreams. But during the race, her leg began to spasm, and despite pushing through pain, she eventually had to drop out. "My body failed me," she said simply. The devastation was profound, and in the months that followed, True spiraled into a deep depression. She couldn't sleep, even with medication, and during training rides found herself obsessively contemplating suicide. For months, True tried to push through her depression using the same mindset that had served her as an athlete—enduring, pressing on, keeping going. But this approach only made things worse. It wasn't until mid-2017 that she fully accepted the enormity of her grief and depression. "Endurance athletes are taught to endure," she explained. "When something isn't right, you just push harder. But clearly, that mindset was not going to work here." This acceptance became the first real step in her recovery, allowing her to seek intensive therapy and begin healing. The paradox of acceptance is captured perfectly by psychologist Carl Rogers: "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." When we resist our reality—whether it's a difficult emotion, a challenging circumstance, or a personal limitation—we create additional suffering. The gap between our expectations and reality becomes a source of constant disappointment. Research shows that happiness in any given moment equals reality minus expectations. If your expectations consistently exceed your reality, contentment remains elusive. To practice acceptance, start by cultivating the lens of a "wise observer." Rather than being completely absorbed in your experience, step back and view it from a distance. During formal practice, sit comfortably for five to twenty minutes, focusing on your breath. Imagine yourself as awareness itself—the canvas upon which all thoughts, feelings, and circumstances arise. When difficulties emerge, create space between yourself and your experience, viewing it as if watching a movie rather than starring in it. In daily life, use the RAIN method when you find yourself resisting an experience: Recognize what's happening, Allow life to be as it is, Investigate your inner experience with kindness, and Note or practice non-identification. Remember, acceptance doesn't mean you can't change or improve. It simply means that where you are today is where you are today—it's exactly where you need to be, and it's the key to getting where you want to go.

Chapter 2: Cultivate Deep Presence in a Distracted World

Presence is about being fully here for what is in front of you. It means owning your attention rather than letting it be hijacked by the endless distractions of modern life. When we strive to be everywhere and do everything, we end up feeling like we're not fully experiencing anything. Mike Posner's journey illustrates the transformative power of presence. As a pop star who achieved fame with hits like "Cooler Than Me" and "I Took a Pill in Ibiza," Posner assumed that signing a record deal and becoming famous would make him happy. But success brought its own emptiness. In 2019, after releasing his album "A Real Good Kid" and processing grief over his father's death, Posner made a radical decision. "I want to walk across America," he told the author. "It's something I've always dreamed of doing and I am not going to wait. I don't know how long I am going to be here for." On April 15, 2019, Posner set out from Asbury Park, New Jersey, to walk across the United States. The journey was physically and emotionally challenging—he was even bitten by a rattlesnake in Colorado and nearly died. But the walk transformed him. "I went to places I didn't know existed," he said. "I learned how to be present for the highs and lows and to get through them, even to stay strong and solid." The experience helped him realize that his approach to happiness had been misguided: "I used to think there was an end zone or a goalpost that I'd arrive at. But that's not true. There is no end zone. It's a day-to-day decision. How do I want to show up? Where do I want to direct my energy and attention?" Research confirms the connection between presence and wellbeing. A Harvard study found that people are significantly happier when fully present for their activities than when thinking about something else. The researchers concluded that "a wandering mind is an unhappy mind." Yet studies show that, on average, people spend 47 percent of their waking hours thinking about something other than what's in front of them. To cultivate deeper presence, start by stepping out of what might be called the "distraction candy store." Block off specific periods for deep focus work or meaningful connection, and eliminate distractions beforehand. This means physically removing digital devices from your environment—out of sight truly is out of mind. Start with small chunks of distraction-free time, perhaps just twenty minutes, and gradually increase the duration. You might experience restlessness at first, but this discomfort will diminish with practice. Another powerful practice is developing mindfulness through regular meditation. Set aside time each day to sit quietly and focus on your breath. When your attention inevitably wanders, gently bring it back without judgment. This trains your ability to notice distractions without being captured by them. Remember that the goal isn't to never be distracted—even lifetime monks get distracted. The goal is to more quickly notice when you're distracted and redirect your attention to where you want it.

Chapter 3: Practice Patience for Sustainable Progress

Patience neutralizes our inclination to hurry, rush, and overemphasize acute situations in favor of playing the long game. In a world that emphasizes results now, patience provides the stability and strength needed for lasting progress. Donna's story exemplifies the power of patience in leadership. After working for a Fortune 100 company for two decades, she received an unexpected promotion to the C-suite, becoming one of just eight leaders in an organization with thousands of employees. As the only woman and the only African American on the leadership team—what colleagues called the "double only"—Donna faced unique challenges. Her previous success had come from her ability to push projects forward and make things happen. But in her new role, every time she tried to force an issue or drive something through, she ended up frustrated. She was stressed, working endless hours, and hardly sleeping, yet the plans she was trying to expedite often moved even more slowly. Donna had to learn a new way of leadership—the difference between making things happen and letting things happen. She needed to know when to step in and exert her will versus when to step back and allow things to unfold on their own time. Though there's a place for both approaches, most people default to the former even when the latter would be optimal. This impatience with waiting is deeply ingrained in modern culture. In a striking study at the University of Virginia, researchers placed participants in empty rooms for fifteen minutes without distractions. Given the choice between sitting quietly or shocking themselves with electricity, 67 percent of men and 25 percent of women chose to shock themselves repeatedly rather than simply wait. Our society has conditioned us to expect instant results—we order food with the click of a button, read tweets instead of long-form reporting, and constantly seek quick fixes and "hacks." Yet meaningful progress is rarely instant. Charles Darwin spent nearly five years on HMS Beagle before beginning to formulate his theory of natural selection, and it took him more than twenty years to publish "On the Origin of Species." What seems like a static period may not be static at all—you might just not be seeing the effects of your efforts yet. This is particularly common in athletic training, where improvements often come after plateaus due to what exercise scientists call the cycle of compensation and supercompensation. To cultivate patience, practice letting things happen instead of always trying to make them happen. When you feel the urge to intervene by taking expedited action, ask yourself what it would look like to slow down by 10 percent. What would happen if you took a soft step back and let things unfold on their own time? Sometimes intervention is necessary, but this pause helps bring discernment to that decision. Also, develop a process mindset by breaking down big goals into their component parts and focusing there. Rather than obsessing about outcomes, judge yourself based on your level of presence and the effort you're exerting in the moment. As marathon world record holder Eliud Kipchoge says, progress happens "slowly by slowly." For most consequential endeavors, long-term progress is less about heroic effort and more about smart pacing and discipline over time.

Chapter 4: Embrace Vulnerability as Your Greatest Strength

Vulnerability means being honest with yourself and others, even—and especially—when that means confronting perceived weaknesses and fears. The fourth principle of groundedness is about opening up to all of your experiences, including the difficult ones, to develop genuine strength and confidence. NBA star Kevin Love's story powerfully demonstrates how vulnerability becomes strength. During a game in November 2017, Love experienced a panic attack. He ran off the court, ended up on the floor in the training room gasping for air, and was rushed to the hospital. Though medical tests showed nothing physically wrong, the experience shook him deeply. Rather than hiding what happened, Love chose to face his vulnerabilities and seek therapy. Through therapy, Love discovered how deeply his grandmother Carol's death had affected him. As an NBA star with a busy schedule, he'd never properly grieved her loss. "I realized how many issues come from places that you may not realize until you really look into them," he wrote in The Players' Tribune. "I think it's easy to assume we know ourselves, but once you peel back the layers it's amazing how much there is to still discover." Though the process of opening up was "terrifying and awkward and hard," the more Love confronted his areas of sorrow and confusion, the more stable he felt. Love isn't alone. Around the same time, Toronto Raptors star DeMar DeRozan tweeted about his depression, opening up a conversation about mental health in professional sports. "It's one of them things that no matter how indestructible we look like we are, we're all human at the end of the day," DeRozan told the Toronto Star. When these athletes put down the weight of appearing invincible and shared their struggles, they received thousands of supportive messages from fans worldwide. Other NBA players began sharing their own challenges, and the league implemented new guidelines mandating that every organization have a mental health professional on staff. The resounding theme is clear: when we open up about our vulnerabilities, we may initially feel weak and exposed. Ultimately, however, we gain strength, confidence, and connection. Research from the University of Mannheim found that while people sharing vulnerable information feared being perceived as weak, listeners consistently viewed vulnerability as courage—what the researchers called "the beautiful mess effect." To develop emotional flexibility, pay attention to areas where you regularly find yourself running away from certain thoughts, feelings, or situations. Set aside time for reflection and ask yourself: What am I running from? What do I fear? What lies underneath this fear? What would it look like to make space for this fear, first in myself, and then perhaps by being more open about it with others? The act of investigating your fears changes your relationship to them. Over time, you'll develop the capacity to experience a wider range of emotions without losing your ground. Another practice is to ask yourself what you really want to say—and then say that. When you catch yourself pretending or performing, exerting too much effort to maintain a perfect image, use that feeling as a cue to pause and consider what you genuinely want to express. This doesn't mean sharing everything with everyone, but gradually allowing more authenticity in your interactions. As you do, you'll likely find that others respond not with judgment but with relief and reciprocal openness. Remember Kevin Love's essay title: "Everyone Is Going Through Something." When you feel alone in your struggles, remind yourself that you're not. Give others the chance to be vulnerable by being vulnerable yourself, and remember that vulnerability doesn't come from trust—trust comes from vulnerability.

Chapter 5: Build Community That Nourishes Your Soul

The old-growth redwoods in Felton, California, offer a powerful metaphor for human connection. These massive trees tower two hundred feet above the ground, yet their roots run only six to twelve feet deep. Instead of growing downward, the roots extend hundreds of feet laterally, intertwining with neighboring trees. When storms come, this network of closely connected roots allows each tree to stand strong. Like the redwoods, we thrive when we are enmeshed in tightly knit communities. Research confirms this biological need for connection. Studies by psychologist John Cacioppo showed that loneliness has more than tripled in America over recent decades, with serious consequences. Loneliness is associated with elevated stress hormones, poor sleep, increased risk of heart disease, accelerated cognitive decline, and reduced immune function. A comprehensive study from Brigham Young University found that the mortality risks of loneliness exceed those of obesity and physical inactivity and are comparable to smoking. Sebastian Junger, author of "Tribe," discovered that many soldiers actually feel more satisfied during war than at home because they experience a stronger sense of belonging. "Humans don't mind hardship," he writes. "What they mind is not feeling necessary." This aligns with self-determination theory, which shows that humans thrive when three basic needs are met: autonomy, competence, and relatedness (connection and belonging). When connection is missing, both wellbeing and performance suffer. Shalane Flanagan, one of America's greatest distance runners, experienced the power of community firsthand. When she decided to train with a group instead of alone, her performance soared—and so did everyone else's. Every single one of her training partners—eleven women total—made it to the Olympics while training with her. Lindsay Crouse of The New York Times coined this the "Shalane Flanagan Effect": "You serve as a rocket booster for the careers of those who work alongside you, while catapulting forward yourself." Not only did Flanagan and her teammates run better, but they felt better too. "Even in such a grueling individual sport, I realized that I could feel grounded in community," she told the author. "If you're lonely at the top, you're doing it wrong. High performers focus on pulling others up. They are generous as they rise and create a tribe." To build deeper community, get involved with meaningful groups. Volunteering is particularly powerful because when people focus on helping others, they tend to overcome their own fears and insecurities more easily. Studies show that volunteering is associated with better physical health, mental health, and longevity. Faith-based communities also provide strong connection—research published in JAMA Internal Medicine found that women who regularly attended religious services had a 33 percent lower mortality rate over a ten-year period compared to those who didn't. Another approach is to prioritize quality over quantity in relationships. Aristotle outlined three types of friendship: those based on utility (what someone can do for you), pleasure (enjoyable experiences), and virtue (shared values). While all three types have their place, only virtue-based friendships are truly enduring and meaningful. Take time to nurture these deeper connections, even if it means having fewer relationships overall. Remember that community doesn't happen automatically—it requires intention and effort. But the rewards of deep connection are immeasurable, providing stability through life's inevitable ups and downs.

Chapter 6: Move Your Body to Ground Your Mind

You may not know the name Andrea Barber, but if you grew up in the 1990s, you probably know Kimmy Gibbler, the eccentric neighbor she portrayed on "Full House." Offstage, however, Barber was anything but confident and bold. She suffered from chronic anxiety and debilitating depression, which worsened in early adulthood. After years of suffering in silence, at age thirty-two she finally sought professional help, receiving medication and therapy. But it was running that truly transformed her life. "Running came at a time when everything in my life was in flux," she told the author. "In addition to my underlying anxiety, I was also going through a separation. My emotions were all over the place. I felt like I was kind of floating." What began as a social activity became a daily practice that grounded her. "I don't know how to put it into words. It's not just about being alone with my thoughts, but also the physical movement and the rhythm of finding your cadence and your pace. I would come home from a run and feel like life wasn't as bad and all over the place as it was forty-five minutes ago." Eventually, Barber signed up for a marathon. Though she completed the race, she realized it wasn't about the event itself but the training—the structure, consistency, and accountability of moving her body every day. "It saved me," she says. "I'm convinced. Running saved me." Even now, she finds it essential to do something active daily, even if it's just a brisk thirty-minute walk. Numerous studies confirm the mental health benefits of physical activity. A 2019 analysis from King's College London found that regular exercise reduced the chances of experiencing depression by 17 to 41 percent across age groups and genders. Other research shows similar effects for anxiety. Movement doesn't just prevent mental health issues; it can also treat them, with effectiveness comparable to psychotherapy and medication for many people. The connection between mind and body is more profound than once thought. For centuries following René Descartes' concept of mind-body dualism, Western thinking treated mind and body as separate entities. Modern science has thoroughly debunked this notion, showing we are an integrated mind-body system. The bacteria in our guts and the proteins secreted by our muscles affect our moods. The neurochemicals in our brains affect how much pain we feel and how fast our hearts beat. To incorporate more movement into your life, start by recognizing that even small amounts make a difference. Research shows that walking for just two minutes every hour counters most of the harmful effects of sitting. Another study found that taking five-minute movement breaks every hour improved mood, energy, and cognitive function more consistently than a single thirty-minute walk at the beginning of the day. Make movement a part of your daily routine by building it into the flow of your day: take the stairs instead of elevators, park farther from entrances, schedule walking meetings, or set an alarm to take movement breaks. Remember the golden rule of physical activity: Move your body often, sometimes hard; every bit counts. For more structured exercise, consider regular brisk walking. Research published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine found that walking at a brisk pace for 30-45 minutes daily was associated with a 20 percent reduction in all-cause mortality. While more intense activities like running or cycling may offer additional benefits, walking is accessible to most people and provides tremendous health advantages when done consistently. Strength training is equally valuable and not just for bodybuilders. Simple movements like squats, push-ups, lunges, and planks work all major muscle groups and can be performed with minimal or no equipment. The American Heart Association recommends strength training at least twice weekly regardless of age or gender. Remember that movement need not be complicated or heroic. The goal isn't to achieve athletic greatness but to develop a sustainable practice that grounds both body and mind.

Summary

The path to groundedness offers a transformative alternative to our culture's obsession with heroic individualism. By cultivating acceptance, presence, patience, vulnerability, deep community, and movement, we develop unwavering internal strength that sustains us through life's inevitable ups and downs. This isn't about abandoning ambition but about situating it within a more meaningful and sustainable framework. As the author writes, "Groundedness is unwavering internal strength and self-confidence that sustains you through ups and downs. It is a deep reservoir of integrity and fortitude, of wholeness, out of which lasting performance, well-being, and fulfillment emerge." The practice of groundedness requires ongoing commitment—there will be good days and challenging ones. But by focusing on the process rather than obsessing over outcomes, we create a more enduring kind of success, one that nourishes rather than depletes us. Today, take one small step toward groundedness by identifying which principle resonates most strongly with you, and commit to a single practice that will help you cultivate it in your daily life.

About Author

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Brad Stulberg

Brad Stulberg researches, writes, and coaches on health, well-being, and sustainable excellence. He is the bestselling author of Master of Change, The Practice of Groundedness, and co-author of Peak Performance.Stulberg regularly contributes to the New York Times, and his work has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, The New Yorker, Sports Illustrated, Outside Magazine, Forbes, and other outlets.He also serves as the co-host of The Growth Equation podcast and is on faculty at the University of Michigan’s Graduate School of Public Health. In his coaching practice, he works with executives, entrepreneurs, physicians, and athletes on their mental skills and overall well-being.He lives in Asheville, North Carolina.Follow him on Intagram @Bradstulberg and Twitter @Bstulberg and learn more at www.bradstulberg.com

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