The Setback Cycle

The Setback Cycle Plot Summary

Introduction

Setbacks are inevitable in life. They may arrive as professional disappointments, personal losses, or unexpected disruptions to our carefully laid plans. While these experiences can be painful and disorienting, they also contain the seeds of transformation and renewal. This framework explores how defining moments of adversity can become catalysts for creative rebirth rather than permanent roadblocks. Through extensive interviews with entrepreneurs, industry leaders, and experts in psychology and neuroscience, a four-phase pattern emerges in how successful individuals navigate setbacks. This cycle—Establish, Embrace, Explore, Emerge—provides a roadmap for anyone facing adversity. Rather than glorifying failure or promoting toxic positivity, this approach acknowledges pain while illuminating how we might harness difficult experiences to fuel innovation, creativity, and personal growth. By understanding this natural process, we can learn to move from simply surviving our setbacks to transforming through them.

Chapter 1: Establish: Recognizing When You're in a Setback

Setbacks exist on a spectrum, from subtle daily micro-setbacks to dramatic life-altering events. The first crucial step is simply recognizing when you're experiencing one. Sometimes this is obvious—like when Amy Nelson, founder of The Riveter, opened her door to FBI agents who would ultimately seize her family's assets. But other times, setbacks creep in gradually, almost imperceptibly, as when professionals return from parental leave to find themselves subtly sidelined. Our bodies often signal setbacks before our minds consciously register them. Physical responses like jaw clenching, shoulder tension, or sleep disturbances can be early warning signs. Neuroscientist Chantel Prat explains that when confronted with unexpected obstacles, our brains undergo a dopamine dip. Interestingly, this biochemical response actually increases neuroplasticity—our brains become more adaptable precisely when facing challenges. Many people instinctively avoid acknowledging setbacks, attempting to "it's fine" their way through difficulties. This avoidance can lead to "sleepwalking into a setback," where we float along, making no changes despite growing evidence that something isn't working. An effective way to combat this tendency is implementing an "Alarm Clock Checklist": regularly rating your motivation and mood, tracking activities, and identifying patterns of disengagement or stress. Establishing that you're in a setback doesn't mean indulging in catastrophizing. Instead, it creates clarity and provides necessary context for moving forward. When Amy Nelson faced her legal crisis, she initially struggled to process what was happening, but eventually recognized: "When you're stripped down to the studs, there's nowhere else to go. If you're going through hell, as long as you just keep going, you might get to the other side of it." The Establish phase isn't about preventing setbacks—sometimes they're unavoidable—but about identifying them clearly so you can respond appropriately. In this phase, people typically fall into one of three categories: those who don't recognize they're in a setback, those who deny they're in one, or those abruptly thrown into one that flips their world upside down. Recognizing which category you're in is essential for moving into the next phase of the cycle. As executive coach Shoshanna Hecht notes, "All periods of intensity eventually end"—but first, we must acknowledge where we are.

Chapter 2: Embrace: Processing Emotions and Adopting a Growth Mindset

The Embrace phase begins when we allow ourselves to fully experience the emotions triggered by our setback rather than suppressing them. This runs counter to the prevailing influence of positive psychology, which has sometimes been distorted into a belief that we should immediately find silver linings or "affirmation" our way out of difficulties. Psychologist Dr. Michelle Casarella explains: "Our society tends to look at setbacks as failures—something to avoid at all costs. People also tend to look at 'negative' emotions as things to avoid at all costs." Instead of pushing emotions away, the Embrace phase encourages us to see them as valuable data. When event planner Erica Taylor Haskins found her business shuttered by the pandemic, she allowed herself to stare out the window, wondering what would happen next. This pause wasn't wasted time—it was essential processing. Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, describes emotions as "a neurochemical system that evolved to help us navigate life's complex currents." By acknowledging our raw feelings, we gain insights that can guide our next steps. The challenge is finding balance between reflection and rumination. Reflection helps us learn from experience, while rumination—obsessively revisiting pain without progress—can be destructive. The Nagoski sisters, authors of Burnout, warn against "regurgitating our suffering over and over, gnawing on it to extract every last bit of pain." One effective technique for moving from freeze to action is what Dr. Casarella calls "thawing out"—asking yourself what you've learned from the experience, what it taught you about what you want and don't want, and how you might apply these insights going forward. A powerful tool during the Embrace phase is addressing your inner critic—that negative voice that undermines confidence and progress. Naming this critic (like "Mamarazzi" or "Linda Lamesauce") creates psychological distance that helps defang its power. Executive coach Roshan Shah explains: "That voice in our head can be really harsh on us, and it connects back to all kinds of stuff from our childhood." By recognizing these thoughts as just one perspective rather than absolute truth, we can respond more constructively to setbacks. Adopting a growth mindset—psychologist Carol Dweck's concept that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—is another crucial aspect of Embrace. Peloton instructor Kendall Toole demonstrated this when she responded to a severe mental health crisis by seeking help and eventually turning to boxing, which became her path to healing. Rather than seeing her struggles as defining her identity, she viewed them as experiences she could learn from and eventually use to help others. As Dweck explains, "In the growth mindset, things are changeable; there is room to grow." The Embrace phase requires patience and self-compassion. Movement can be particularly helpful for processing emotions and reducing stress—fitness instructor Robin Arzón calls it "medicine." When diagnosed with diabetes just as she was shifting careers from law to fitness, Arzón faced her situation head-on, processing her disappointment while refusing to let it define her. By embracing both the reality of her condition and her determination to thrive anyway, she created space for transformation rather than limitation.

Chapter 3: Explore: Cultivating Curiosity and Identifying Your Superpowers

The Explore phase invites us to reawaken our curiosity—both everyday inquisitiveness and deeper-rooted passions we may have buried. This curiosity drives us to investigate new possibilities rather than dwelling on what we've lost. Scientists have found that curiosity is linked to longevity and cognitive health, with novelty and discovery becoming increasingly important as we age. When Stacy London, former TV fashion expert from "What Not to Wear," found herself professionally sidelined in her late forties while simultaneously experiencing perplexing physical symptoms, she turned to exploration. Rather than accepting doctors' dismissals of her symptoms, she researched extensively and discovered she was in perimenopause. This revelation, combined with her career setback, led her to investigate the lack of resources for menopausal women. Following this curiosity ultimately led London to acquire a personal care company focused on menopausal solutions, completely reinventing her career while addressing an underserved market. A key component of Explore is identifying your "superpowers"—the unique combination of what you're naturally good at, what you love doing, and what motivates you to improve. Fashion designer Norma Kamali's superpower was her ability to predict emerging cultural trends. When she walked away from her first successful business after discovering her husband's financial improprieties, she had only $98 to her name. By reconnecting with her innate creativity and trendspotting ability, she eventually launched a new brand called OMO (On My Own) that would bring in over $11 million within three years. Motivation often proves more powerful than natural talent in developing these superpowers. As neuroscientist Chantel Prat explains, "One of, if not the largest, predictor of success in any circumstance is motivation. Most things worth doing are hard." This insight aligns with psychologist Angela Duckworth's Grit Theory, which holds that talent + effort = skill, but skill + effort = achievement. Chemical engineer turned entrepreneur Blessing Adesiyan demonstrated this when she transformed her frustration with inadequate workplace support for caregivers into Mother Honestly (now MH WorkLife), a platform helping companies create better systems for employees with caregiving responsibilities. Community becomes increasingly important during Explore as we test new ideas and seek support. Susan McPherson, author of The Lost Art of Connecting, suggests seeing our communities as "constellations" where each person connects to others in ways we might not immediately recognize. When Kaitlyn Soligan moved to Louisville and struggled to find community, she and her friend Nicole Stipp explored the city's bourbon and whiskey scene. Noticing how unwelcoming these spaces often felt to women and marginalized groups, they eventually opened Trouble Bar—creating exactly the inclusive community space Soligan had been seeking. The Explore phase balances introspection with outward connection. It requires both tuning into what lights you up internally and finding the constellation of people who can support your growth. Through this combination of self-discovery and community-building, we begin to see new paths forward from what initially seemed like insurmountable setbacks.

Chapter 4: Emerge: Building a New Path Through Intentional Decision-Making

The Emerge phase is where planning transforms into action. After processing emotions and exploring possibilities, it's time to make decisions and begin building a new path forward. This transition can be challenging—as executive coach Shoshanna Hecht notes, "This is where the rubber hits the road and taking action is the hardest. This is where people say, 'You know what, maybe I'll go back to bed. Maybe tomorrow.'" Chef Palak Patel demonstrates how this phase unfolds. After losing investor funding for her dream New York restaurant during the pandemic, she fled to her parents' home in Atlanta. Initially devastated by the collapse of her decade-long plan, she eventually bought a house in Atlanta and began exploring local food scenes. When she discovered an empty stall in a new food hall, she saw opportunity. Though not the upscale restaurant she'd envisioned, the stall allowed her to fulfill her core purpose—sharing her love of food with others. Her casual Indian street food concept, Dash and Chutney, became successful enough that she soon sought a larger space. Effective decision-making during Emerge requires frameworks that simplify complex choices. Roshan Shah recommends the ABC approach to scenario planning: Plan A is the ideal outcome, Plan B is a valuable alternative when Plan A isn't achievable, and Plan C serves as a safety net. This approach normalizes pivoting and adapting rather than viewing changes as failures. Amanda Goetz used this kind of flexibility when building her cannabis wellness company, House of Wise, navigating numerous obstacles from banking restrictions to advertising limitations by constantly reassessing and adjusting her approach. The decision to move forward often requires intuitive judgment alongside logical planning. As Emily and Amelia Nagoski explain in Burnout, we all have an internal "monitor" that assesses our efforts and progress toward goals. When this monitor signals that we're investing significant energy with minimal progress, we might need to reevaluate our approach or even change direction entirely. Positive reappraisal—consciously choosing to view difficulties as opportunities for growth—can help motivate continued effort when worthwhile. A powerful tool for navigating Emerge is developing a personal mission statement or "North Star" that guides decisions. Cate Luzio, founder of professional community platform Luminary, uses her mission of supporting women throughout their careers as a filter for every business decision. When the pandemic forced Luminary to close its physical space and memberships dropped 80%, Luzio's clear purpose helped her pivot to virtual programming and corporate partnerships. Within two years, membership quadrupled and expanded to 36 countries. The Emerge phase isn't a finish line but a dynamic process of building momentum. It requires both courage to act and flexibility to adjust as circumstances change. By combining intentional decision-making with adaptability, we create sustainable paths forward rather than rigid plans that might break under pressure. As Chantel Prat observes, the key question becomes: "Are you willing to look for the berries in this new and potentially challenging territory?"

Chapter 5: Community and Purpose: Essential Elements for Transformation

Community serves as both sanctuary and catalyst during the Setback Cycle. When we experience reversals in progress, social connection provides crucial nourishment for recovery and reinvention. The Nagoski sisters describe social connection as "a form of nourishment, like food" in their book Burnout. "Our specific nutritional needs change over the course of our life span, but the fundamental need for food does not; similarly, our need for connection changes across our life spans, but our fundamental need for connection does not." This connection takes various forms. Nicole Stipp and Kaitlyn Soligan demonstrated its power when pandemic restrictions forced their new bar to close just months after opening. With liquor sales prohibited, they creatively pivoted to selling lemonade outside their establishment. Their community rallied around them, making donations, creating promotional materials, and purchasing enough lemonade to cover a month of bills. When Trouble Bar reopened six months later, these strengthened bonds created an even more vibrant atmosphere than before. The psychological benefits of community during setbacks are well-documented. Harvard Health Publishing reports that close relationships provide emotional support that helps sustain people during crisis and chronic stress, potentially even increasing longevity. When Amy Nelson faced government seizure of her assets, it was her community that reminded her she was a fighter and helped her family survive while rebuilding their lives. Susan McPherson suggests seeing communities as "constellations" where each person connects to others in unexpected ways, creating networks of support and opportunity. Purpose provides the second essential element for transformation. Angela Duckworth notes in Grit that purpose—the idea that what we do matters to others—is one of the strongest human motivators. Multiple studies have shown that leading a purpose-driven life correlates with success, happiness, and overall life satisfaction. When Cate Luzio left banking after nearly two decades, she quickly crystallized her purpose of helping women navigate career transitions. This clear mission sustained her through numerous setbacks, including the pandemic's 80% revenue drop. Finding your purpose often requires crafting a personal mission statement that articulates your values, the emotional and functional benefits you offer others, and your core attributes and goals. This North Star then guides decision-making, helping determine which opportunities align with your deeper intentions. Amanda Goetz simplified her mission to "help women love themselves and make space for themselves." This clarity allowed her to recognize when selling her company would better serve her customers than continuing to run it herself. The interplay between community and purpose creates resilience during setbacks. Communities provide practical support and emotional validation, while purpose supplies the motivation to persevere through difficulties. Together, they transform the isolated experience of setback into a collective journey toward meaningful change. As Luminary founder Cate Luzio wrote: "I'll never forget that it was the Luminary community who rallied early on in the pandemic when we had to temporarily close our doors... Right now, as each week brings news of economic tumult and layoffs, many people in your network might be struggling. Consider how you might be able to reach out and help."

Chapter 6: The Creative Rebirth: Finding Meaning Through Adversity

Creative rebirth represents the transformative potential within setbacks. While not every setback leads to a dramatic reinvention, the process of working through adversity often sparks innovation and fresh perspectives that wouldn't have emerged otherwise. Fashion designer Norma Kamali captures this dynamic perfectly: "Disruptive times really open the door for new ideas. It inspires creativity. So if you've got an idea, do it and do it boldly, fearlessly and give it your all. If it doesn't work, I promise you'll come out of the experience so empowered and so aware of what you're capable of." This creative potential emerges partly because setbacks disrupt our automatic patterns. When Robin Arzón was diagnosed with diabetes just before shifting careers from law to fitness, she had to rethink everything about her approach to health and performance. Rather than limiting her, this challenge pushed her to innovate. She now proudly displays her insulin patch during workouts watched by millions, challenging conventional images of what an athlete looks like. By redefining expectations rather than accepting them, she transformed a potential limitation into a platform for broader change. Neuroscience helps explain this phenomenon. Chantel Prat describes how our brains gain flexibility precisely when experiencing setbacks. The dopamine dip that occurs when expectations aren't met actually increases neuroplasticity, creating ideal conditions for new neural pathways to form. This biological response mirrors the psychological process of questioning assumptions and exploring alternatives that setbacks often trigger. As Prat notes, people who have experienced more setbacks demonstrate enhanced problem-solving abilities and can recognize more quickly when they're on the wrong track. The cycle of setback and rebirth doesn't follow a clean upward trajectory. It resembles what Amy Shoenthal describes as "a never-ending S drawn by a preschooler who is first learning to write." The curves are uneven, sometimes drawn backward, sometimes disconnected. Yet this messy process creates the conditions for true metamorphosis. Like caterpillars that completely rearrange their bodies within a chrysalis before emerging as butterflies, humans can undergo profound transformation during periods of disruption. Reshma Saujani exemplifies this cyclical nature of growth through setbacks. After losing a congressional race by a landslide, she founded Girls Who Code, which has educated half a million girls in computer science. Years later, when the pandemic revealed systemic failures in supporting working parents, she launched the Marshall Plan for Moms (now Moms First). Each setback led to innovative solutions addressing societal problems. As Saujani puts it, "I rise like a Phoenix from the ashes. I don't know any other way to be." Creative rebirth isn't about glorifying suffering or suggesting that trauma is necessary for growth. As Adam Grant notes, "Not every difficult experience is trauma... Confusing life-altering pain with discomfort minimizes suffering and undermines resilience." Rather, it's about recognizing that setbacks—ranging from subtle everyday disappointments to major disruptions—contain opportunities for reimagining and rebuilding. By working through the Setback Cycle intentionally, we can harness these opportunities rather than being overwhelmed by them.

Summary

The Setback Cycle illuminates how defining moments of adversity can catalyze creative transformation. Through the four phases—Establish (recognizing the setback), Embrace (processing emotions), Explore (cultivating curiosity), and Emerge (building new paths)—we can navigate reversals in progress with greater resilience and insight. This framework doesn't glorify failure or promote toxic positivity; instead, it acknowledges the genuine difficulty of setbacks while providing practical tools for working through them constructively. What emerges from this analysis is a profound understanding that setbacks, while painful, often contain the seeds of our most meaningful growth. The stories of entrepreneurs, industry leaders, and changemakers demonstrate how the experience of being knocked off course can lead to more innovative thinking, deeper self-knowledge, and ultimately more authentic paths forward. By approaching setbacks with awareness rather than avoidance, we transform these inevitable life experiences from mere obstacles into opportunities for creative rebirth—not just surviving our challenges, but using them to fuel our most meaningful contributions.

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Amy Shoenthal

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