Urban Tantra

Urban Tantra Plot Summary

Introduction

I remember the first time I experienced the profound connection between sexuality and spirituality. It happened unexpectedly during what should have been an ordinary encounter. As our bodies moved together, something shifted—my awareness expanded beyond physical sensation into a state of presence I'd never known before. Time seemed to slow, colors intensified, and I felt a deep connection not just to my partner but to something vast and timeless. In that moment, I understood that sexuality could be a gateway to transcendence. Many of us have been taught to separate our sexual experiences from our spiritual lives, viewing pleasure as something separate from—or even opposed to—sacred practice. This artificial division has robbed us of the profound healing, connection, and awakening that becomes possible when we approach sexuality as a sacred art. By integrating ancient wisdom with modern understanding, we can reclaim the transformative potential of our erotic energy. This journey isn't about adding more techniques to your sexual repertoire—it's about bringing consciousness, presence, and reverence to the life force that flows through all of us, awakening to the divine that expresses itself through our bodies and our pleasure.

Chapter 1: The Awakening: My First Encounter with Tantric Energy

I was sitting in a lap dancing club in New York's financial district, trying to make some quick cash for a trip to Australia. The heat was oppressive, the air conditioning broken, and my carefully crafted "Alexandra" persona—a high-class call girl type—was melting away with my makeup. That's when I saw him: a genuine cowboy who stood out like a cool Montana breeze among the Wall Street suits. When he sat down for a dance, something extraordinary happened. Our eyes locked in an intense gaze that never broke. As the music played, we began breathing in perfect synchronicity, our movements becoming one fluid wave. The features of his face seemed to morph and change before my eyes. We were entwined like a multi-armed dragon that could fly, hearing sounds and seeing stars from other dimensions. In that seedy lap dancing parlor, I was having an authentic Tantric, full-body orgasmic experience with a complete stranger. This experience wasn't an anomaly—it was a glimpse into what's possible when we approach sexuality with consciousness and presence. Tantric energy doesn't require special settings or even prior knowledge; it emerges naturally when we fully inhabit the present moment with awareness. The Sanskrit word "Tantra" means "loom" or "weaving," suggesting the intertwining of all aspects of life—physical, emotional, and spiritual. Unlike many spiritual traditions that view the body as something to transcend, Tantra embraces the body as a vehicle for enlightenment. It sees sexual energy as sacred, a manifestation of the divine creative force that flows through all living things. By learning to harness and direct this energy, we can experience not only more fulfilling sexual encounters but also greater vitality, creativity, and spiritual connection in all areas of life. What makes this approach different from traditional teachings is its accessibility and adaptability to modern life. You don't need to retreat to a mountain cave or master complex rituals to practice it. The essence of Tantra is consciousness—being fully present and aware in each moment. This can be practiced anywhere, from a meditation cushion to a crowded subway car, from a bedroom to a boardroom.

Chapter 2: Breath as Gateway: Transforming Pain into Ecstasy

Pat Sinatra was tattooing a woman standing on a coiled cobra holding a thousand-petaled lotus on my ankle. Despite her warnings about the pain of tattooing over bone, I insisted on the placement. As she began the outline work, the pain was indeed intense. Searching for relief, I started using a variation of the Circular Breath I'd learned in my Tantric practice. Something remarkable happened. The pain began to transform. A ball of energy rolled up my leg, burst out of my heart, and exploded in joy. I started to giggle, then laugh outright. When Pat switched to orange ink for the second chakra, I kept breathing, and another wave of energy surged through me. With each color corresponding to a different chakra, I experienced a different energy orgasm—some quiet, some screaming, all fabulous. By the end of the session, other tattoo artists had joined us, breathing along, creating an impromptu ritual that left me blissfully energized until late that night. This experience illustrates one of sacred sexuality's most powerful tools: conscious breathing. Most of us breathe just enough to stay alive, unconsciously limiting our breath to control uncomfortable emotions. By breathing fully and consciously, we access more energy, more aliveness, and more pleasure. The breath becomes a bridge between body and spirit, a way to move sexual energy throughout the entire body. Several specific breathing techniques can transform our experience of sensation. The Bottom Breath grounds and opens the senses. The Circular Breath creates an unbroken flow that builds and circulates energy. The Breath of Fire rapidly energizes and clears stagnation. The Heart Breath opens the chest and heart center. These techniques can be practiced anywhere, anytime—while sitting in traffic, during a stressful meeting, or of course, during sexual activity. When combined with movement and sound, breath becomes even more powerful. Simple practices like hip circles, figure eights, and pelvic floor muscle squeezes help distribute sexual energy throughout the body. Adding vocalization—from low, guttural sounds to high, ecstatic ones—further amplifies this energy. These practices transform sex from a genitally-focused experience to a full-body, mind-expanding journey of pleasure and consciousness.

Chapter 3: The Art of Sacred Touch: Beyond Physical Sensation

In a dimly lit S/M-themed restaurant in New York City, I witnessed something extraordinary. A leather-clad waiter was flogging a young male patron in the front room. What captivated me wasn't the act itself, but the quality of attention between them. The waiter was completely focused, delivering each stroke with perfect intensity and timing. The young man surrendered completely, his breathing synchronized with the rhythm of the whip. Despite the bustling restaurant around them, they created a bubble of profound connection and presence. This scene exemplified what I call the "Resilient Edge of Resistance"—that sweet spot in touch where you press deeply enough that the body yields but doesn't shrink away. It's neither too hard nor too soft. When we touch at this edge, we create a safe space for surrender and deeper connection. This principle applies not just to physical touch but to all aspects of relating: emotional, psychological, and spiritual. The quality of our touch communicates volumes. Many people touch with just their fingertips, which can feel like poking rather than connecting. Whole-hand touching, where contact begins with the heart of the palm and the fingers follow naturally, creates an embrace-like sensation that feels like the touch is coming directly from your heart. This kind of touch can be light without being tentative, deep without being invasive. Touch is a language with infinite dialects—gliding, kneading, vibrating, holding still. Each communicates something different, and when combined mindfully, they create a conversation of sensation that can lead to profound states of pleasure and connection. Perhaps most overlooked is the power of stillness—simply holding space with your hands on another's body, breathing together, creating a circuit of energy and attention. Learning to give and receive touch consciously transforms not just our sexual experiences but all our relationships. When we touch with full presence, we communicate care, respect, and attunement. We create a container for vulnerability and surrender. We honor the divine in each other through the simple yet profound act of mindful physical connection.

Chapter 4: Expanding Orgasm: Breaking Through Conventional Boundaries

Annie Sprinkle and I decided to see if we could have an orgasm by simply making sounds. We sat facing each other in a warm bath and began making sexy sounds as we gazed into each other's eyes. We started with low, grunty sounds, moved to breathy, throaty sounds, and then to high-pitched "oh-my-god-I'm-coming" sounds. We faked it until we felt it. As my sexual energy built, I became less aware of the sounds I was making and more aware of what I was hearing. The apartment sounds faded, and I became acutely aware of city street sounds fourteen floors below. Then I heard the beginning of a hum. It was deeply soothing and comforting and drew me toward it. The hum grew louder until it filled me inside and out. It was heavenly. Years later, I learned that Annie and I had stumbled onto what yogis and mystics call the Universal Hum. This experience exemplifies how orgasm transcends traditional definitions. In sacred sexuality, orgasm isn't just a genital climax but a spectrum of ecstatic experiences. The purely physical, genital orgasm is just one possibility—what might be called the "volcanic orgasm" with its quick buildup and rapid release. Beyond this lies the full-body orgasm that releases tension throughout the entire system. And beyond that is the transcendent orgasm that connects us to something greater than ourselves. Orgasmic energy isn't limited to sexual contexts. Uncontrollable laughter (gigglegasms), intense emotional release (crygasms), or even moments of creative inspiration can share the same physiological signatures as sexual orgasm: buildup of energy through breath and movement, followed by release. These experiences leave us feeling cleansed, energized, and more alive. The path to expanded orgasmic potential begins with breath. By breathing fully and consciously during sexual activity, we move energy throughout the body rather than concentrating it in the genitals. This creates the conditions for waves of pleasure that can last much longer and reach much further than conventional orgasms. Techniques like the Breath Energygasm and the Clench and Hold allow us to experience orgasmic states without any genital stimulation at all—truly mind-blowing possibilities that challenge our limited concepts of sexual pleasure.

Chapter 5: Solo Practice: The Journey to Self-Love

When my first Tantra teacher, Jwala, asked workshop participants to list ten qualities they'd want in their ideal lover, most people ended up describing themselves. This insight reveals a profound truth: we are our own ideal lover. Solo practice is not just what you do when you can't get a date—it's the lifelong process of falling in love with yourself in respect, devotion, and compassion. I discovered the power of solo practice through a simple exercise. With one hand, I masturbated using a vibrator. I placed my other hand on my heart. Just before orgasm, I stopped masturbating and breathed the orgasmic energy into my heart. I did this twice more before finally allowing myself to orgasm. A wave of sexual energy rolled into my heart, flooding it with love and compassion. This heart-genital connection became the essence of my solo practice. This connection can produce profound experiences. During a ritual clit hood piercing with my friend Raelyn Gallina, I focused on breathing energy from my genitals to my heart. When the piercing happened, a huge ball of energy shot up my body, exploded out of my heart, and a white-violet firecracker of energy burst above my head. I felt love and connection with everything, experiencing the highest heart energy: compassion for all beings. Solo practice offers countless opportunities for self-discovery. Through practices like eye gazing with yourself in a mirror, you can develop intimacy with parts of yourself you've neglected or judged. By circulating energy through your Microcosmic Orbit, you can clear blockages that prevent the free flow of life force. By exploring your sensory preferences—whether you're primarily visual, auditory, or kinesthetic—you can discover what truly turns you on. Perhaps most importantly, solo practice gives you the freedom to explore without pressure or expectation. You can try new sensations, experiment with different toys or techniques, and discover your unique path to pleasure. Taking yourself on a Tantric date—complete with candles, music, and uninterrupted time—honors your relationship with yourself and reinforces that self-pleasure is not something to outgrow but something that evolves throughout your lifetime.

Chapter 6: Partner Rituals: Creating Containers for Transformation

In 1993, I participated in a workshop called Cosmic Orgasm Awareness Week. The centerpiece was an erotic massage ritual that would later become what I call the Erotic Awakening Massage. My friend Rod was giving me the massage. After relaxing, sensual strokes, he began specific erotic techniques on my vulva and clitoris. The sexual energy built like steam in a pressure cooker. As I approached orgasm, I began to cry. It was so intense that it felt like I would fly apart if I took one more breath—but I did. Suddenly everything stopped. A blue velvet theatre curtain appeared and opened. I was pulled into a tunnel of blindingly bright light that ended in vast darkness filled with stars. The brightest star spoke to me—it was my brother Bill, who had died of AIDS two years before. The bright stars were all my friends who had died. I felt embraced in one great group hug, bathing in their love and peace. After what seemed like ages, I felt pulled back. Bill told me I couldn't stay—I had too much to do. Back in my body, Rod gently draped a sheet over me. It felt like being placed in a shroud, peaceful and safe as the heavens had been. Eventually, I began to move and breathe again. I had arrived at a place I hadn't known how to find, with everything I needed: body, breath, and faith. This experience illustrates the transformative potential of partner rituals. Through conscious ceremony, we create a container for profound connection—not just with our partners but with ourselves and something greater. Partner practices aren't just about better sex; they're about creating sacred space where healing, discovery, and transcendence can occur. The structure of a sacred ritual follows a natural arc: setting the stage (creating sacred space), chilling out (releasing tension), warming up (awakening the body), coming together (connecting with your partner), rocking and rolling (building energy), and afterglow (integration). Within this framework, countless variations are possible, from gentle heart-centered practices to intense, ecstatic experiences.

Chapter 7: Where Power Meets Spirit: The Dance of Surrender

My partner Kate and I started to make love one afternoon during an intensely stressful period in my life. She was touching me lightly and lovingly, but I couldn't stand it—I wanted to punch her. Intuitively, she asked, "Do you think you might like something a little harder?" "Definitely," I replied. She began thudding my back with a padded nightstick. It felt incredible. I breathed and groaned and yelled out weeks of built-up pain and frustration. When I turned over, I felt a tight pain in my solar plexus, as though something malevolent had grabbed all my power. Kate took a sharp, pointed talon and began running it down my stomach, pressing harder at my request. With each stroke, I opened more. She stayed right with me, focused and present, making me feel safe. I breathed and yelled and cried, and finally, as the talon nearly sliced me open, I felt my solar plexus burst, releasing all the black, psychic gunk I'd been holding. I cried, then laughed. I felt high, light, and like myself again. This was meeting the Resilient Edge of Resistance—psychically, emotionally, and physically. This experience illustrates the powerful intersection of sacred sexuality and power exchange. Though they might seem like opposite approaches to sexuality, they share fundamental similarities. Both are erotic arts of consciousness that add intensity to life and sex. Both embrace powerful consensual practices. Both involve conscious giving and receiving. Both encourage personal freedom and imagination. And both produce trance states and transcendental experiences. The key to this intersection is consciousness. Whether you're exchanging light caresses or intense sensations, what matters is the quality of attention and presence you bring to the experience. The Resilient Edge of Resistance—that sweet spot between too much and too little intensity—applies equally to gentle touch and more forceful sensation. Power exchange elements can enhance sacred practice by providing tools for intense sensation, surrender, and altered states. Conversely, sacred techniques like conscious breathing, energy awareness, and heart connection can deepen power exchange experiences, transforming them from purely physical encounters to spiritual journeys. The combination creates a powerful alchemy that can break through limitations, release stuck energy, and open doorways to ecstatic states beyond ordinary experience.

Summary

Sacred sexuality offers a revolutionary approach to pleasure that meets us exactly where we are—in our busy, complex, modern lives. It doesn't require us to retreat to a mountain cave or master ancient Sanskrit; it simply invites us to bring more consciousness to our breath, our touch, our pleasure, and our connections. By doing so, we transform not just our sexual experiences but our entire relationship with life. The journey through sacred sexuality reveals that our erotic energy is far more than a drive for physical pleasure—it's our most accessible source of life force, creativity, and spiritual connection. When we learn to harness this energy through conscious breathing, mindful touch, and present awareness, we discover that orgasm isn't just a momentary genital release but a spectrum of ecstatic experiences that can ripple through our entire being. From the "volcanic" genital orgasm to transcendent states that connect us to something greater than ourselves, our capacity for pleasure far exceeds what most of us have been taught to expect. Perhaps the most profound teaching is that the sacred isn't somewhere else—it's right here, in our bodies, in our breath, in our pleasure. By embracing our sexuality as a path to spiritual awakening, we heal the artificial split between body and spirit that has caused so much suffering.

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Barbara Carrellas

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